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I'm welcoming any and all feedback.
Bonsai of Sanguine Feasting
Aura Faint conjuration and necromancy; CL 6th
Slot --; Price 7,000 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
This Diminutive, dead bonsai tree is rough-hewn, made of a dense and knotty wood riddled with odd wooden veins tracing up and down the length of the miniature trunk. Bereft of leaves and branches, it fits easily into a backpack. To use the item, a user must drizzle a small amount of fresh blood over the tree, causing the veins to swell slightly and take on a dark and oily appearance.
Once per day, a wielder may plant the bonsai down into natural soil, where the veins grow into the exposed roots and sprout the tree into a Large version of itself over the course of five minutes. The tree’s wide boughs are covered in pale hand-shaped leaves, providing ample shade. Five minutes after the tree has stopped growing, the branches droop heavy with enough fruit (blood oranges, naturally) to feed five people. The tree dies and completely dries out an hour after planting, allowing branches to be snapped off and burned for firewood. Five hours after the staff was first planted, the tree disintegrates into mulch, revealing a new bonsai where the heartwood of the tree should have been. Unless the bonsai has been drizzled with fresh blood, none of these effects occur – planting a bonsai without engorged veins results in a small hole in the ground.
Though perhap\s a little morbid, the trees are not evil, and remain a favored tool of young adventurers. Philosophically-minded necromancers and monks especially appreciate the trees, and use its magic to aid companions when it comes time to stop for the night.
Construction
Requirements Create Wondrous Item, create food and water, heartwood of an orange tree; Cost 3,500 gp
The Lantern of The Illumined Walk
Liked the name, but it immediately conjured up bridging items from past submissions.
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 4,320 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Good attention to detail here. Bullseye lanterns weigh exactly 3 lbs. from the equipment list, so you stayed true to that. Transmutation definitely seems like the right type of aura. And, basing it off the levitate spell, that choice makes perfect sense. Low caster level is exactly what's needed for casting levitate, too. So, definitely spot on.
Description
This bullseye lantern possesses a number of adjustable lenses on its front but is otherwise identical to a mundane lantern and operates as such. Once per day, as a standard action, you may place the lit lantern on the ground and use the lenses to create a path of solidified light. This walkway of light may be either 60 feet long and 10 feet wide, or 120 feet long and 5 feet wide. The lenses can also be adjusted to angle the walkway up or down, to a maximum of 45 degrees. This pathway is anchored on the lantern and does not need to necessarily go anywhere. If, as it is being created, the beam of light strikes a solid object, it ends at that point and extends no further. The illumined walk in all respects counts as solid ground. At the end of 10 rounds, or if the lantern is moved, the lantern runs out of oil and the light is extinguished.
Lots of questions left unanswered here. Sean already listed them. But they gave us enough of a pause to feel the item wasn't completely thought through yet.
Construction
Requirements craft wondrous item, levitate ; Cost 2,160 gp
Needed to capitalize Craft Wondrous Item. Remember, feats and skill names are always capitalized. Spell names are always lowercase (unless you're starting a sentence with one or it has a proper name in it) and alphabetized.
Your price/cost ratio was calculated correctly. And yes, we had some folks mess that up. So, it matters.
Summary:
Decent name
Cool idea (but it's been done before)
Mechanics operationally sound (but still some unanswered questions)
Writing good (you've got skills)
Presentation (a surprising error on the lowercase feat)
I'm looking to get better. I can take a critique. Thanks for the feedback and time. I'm guessing that since 1/2 of this item is SIAC, that would be a minor problem. Maybe a bit boring? Needs more coolness (mojo) factor? Without further ado:
Mwangi Measuring Stick
Well I'm not a judge, but:
So handy, how many times do adventurers find fire giant +12 full plate of awesomeness and not been able to use it due to large size.
I don't think the SIAC aspect is problematic, it's a useful colorful item.
Making a permanent change to an item seems a bit powerful for an 18k item, perhaps if you needed to stretch your item daily it would balance out.
I like this, fills a niche that's needed in the system. I would totally give it to my PCs in my home game with some minor tweeks. Best of luck next year.
Bone Melter
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 10th
Slot wrists; Price 4,500 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
These wrist cuffs melt the bones of humanoid target creatures. They are quite difficult to apply; the target creature must submit to having them put on or be grappled or rendered helpless. Once placed on the target’s wrist, the Bone Melter liquefies along with the bones of the wearer (and is consumed).
The subject loses the structural integrity necessary to perform any voluntary movement and his life processes are slowed such that any ongoing effect from disease, wounding, poison or the like is halted. Eating, drinking, and respiration are unnecessary in this form, though the subject’s natural lifespan is not extended. The form is not natural to the creature and no extreme adaptations are made to accommodate the new form. Every three days the creature must make a Fort save with a DC equal to the number of days spent in the amorphous form or die. The DC of this save can be reduced by half if another character takes an hour during that three day period to clean and maintain the target creature.
This state persists until the magic is removed (such as by a successful dispel magic spell).
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, baleful polymorph; Cost 2,250 gp
I apologize for being unable to repost exactly as it was submitted, but edits happened up until exasperation caused me to spasmodically stab the "Submit" button at 1AM: I didn't cut and paste the final back.
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8
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Mudlark's Prize
Aura Faint divination and transmutation; CL 5th
Slot Neck or wrist; Price 16,250 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This worn-looking but sound antique strand of precious metal or fancy stones (sometimes fastened with a lead seal stamped with the rat's paw of Hanspur), when clasped around the wrist or throat, assists in finding items lost or discarded in the mucky corners of Golarion's cities.
The prize provides several benefits with respect to standing or flowing water, mud, or waterlogged materials (but not firm earth, ice, weather conditions, or non-aqueous liquids). Such areas don't cost extra movement for the wearer to move into, increase the risk of slipping, nor, within 30 feet, provide any concealment from the wearer's sight to submerged creatures or objects.
A character with the Water domain or the Exploration subdomain, a witch whose patron governs Water, or an oracle with the Waves mystery casts the bonus spells granted by these options as if 1 caster level higher while wearing the mudlark's prize.
The item grants a +2 resistance bonus to saving throws against diseases and a +2 morale bonus to saves against effects that would nauseate or sicken the wearer.
Finally, once per day, upon speaking a command word, the wearer instantly senses the location of the nearest unattended object of a nominated material or form (with similar limitations to locate object) within 100 feet.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, locate object, water walk, creator must have 3 ranks in the Survival skill; Cost 8,125 gp
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I had doubts about a couple of elements earlier, edit: and just thought of a fix for one while washing the dishes, appropriately enough, but I'd be glad to hear what the judges thought of it.
This was my submission. Please give me plenty of constructive criticism, as I am trying to get into the gaming industry.
Scabbard of Reforging
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 10th
Slot -; Price 14,000gp; Weight 2lb.
Description
This heavy, reinforced scabbard feels warm to the touch and smells of burning coal. Once per day as a full-round action, any blade within 1 size category of the scabbard may be sheathed and reforged into the exact size and shape of the scabbard’s intended weapon. For example, sheathing a Small-sized Scimitar into a Scabbard of Reforging intended for a Medium-sized Long Sword will reforge the item into a Medium-sized Long Sword, but a Medium-sized Dagger or Large-sized Great Sword will be rejected. Any special materials or magical properties up to a Caster Level of 10 are retained by the reforged weapon, but all other properties are lost. Artefacts cannot be reforged by the scabbard. This effect can be used to repair damaged or broken blades, but destroyed blades are treated as being 1 size-category smaller for the purpose of fitting into the scabbard; providing most of the pieces can be reclaimed.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Items, Fabricate, Make Whole, creator must have 2 ranks in Craft (Weapons) skill; Cost 7,000gp
This item was inspired by two things: First, those campaigns where you never find a magic weapon that corresponds with your character theme or weapon focus and everything ends up going in the 'barter' pile. Second, when you have a GM that likes to sunder a lot!
I'll be the first to admit that it doesn't have that immediate 'WOW' factor, but in my opinion, it is practical, useful, balanced and doesn't really 'break' anything (pardon the pun). If anyone thinks otherwise, please comment and be brutaly honest.
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The only way to improve is to learn from your mistakes. I would welcome any and all feedback of my item:
Adamantine Flask
Aura strong abjuration and transmutation; CL 15th
Slot —; Price 62,525 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This small flask appears to have been patched together from a diverse array of adamantine scraps and stoppered by an obsidian crystal plug. Within the flask contains a black liquid which has the look and consistency of oil, but tastes like metallic water. Once per day you can drink from it, causing your skin to harden and take on the appearance of adamantine, granting you DR 5/— for 1 minute.
After used the flask becomes empty and must to be refilled with water to be reused. 24 hours after being refilled the water is transformed into the dark viscous substance and the flask is once again ready for use.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Craft Magic Arms and Armor, elemental body IV; Cost 31,262 gp
Sarong of Cinders
Aura moderate divination; CL 9th
Slot belt, Price 8,192gp; Weight 3lbs
Description
Made of dark red satin the contour lines of movement give this garment the impression of dancing flames. The sarong allows the wearer to see clearly through smoke and is immune to suffocation or choking caused by heat based environmental conditions. Finally the Sarong of Cinders cools the wearer, as if affected by the endure elements spell.
If the wearer has levels in cleric with the fire domain or one of its subdomains then its domain power is treated as a cleric of five levels higher.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, endure elements, true seeing, creator must be a cleric with the fire domain (or a subdomain thereof); Cost 4096gp
(PRD link discussion snipped)
I see what you're saying. Makes sense.
I basically assumed the judges wouldn't care much one way or another; messing with templated format is a no-no (e.g. capitalizing titles, even though they look that way in the books); my main reasoning in favor was actually less for the judges and more for all the other readers, who I think would find it very handy.
Also, I loveses my neatness. :P
Voice Box of Birdsong
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 7th
Slot neck; Price 13,200 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This small hollow box held on tightly by a choker, rest comfortable in the hollow of the wearer’s throat and is decorated to resemble a singing songbird. A voice box of birdsong conveys some of the lyrical abilities of songbirds to its wearer, additionally allowing him to communicate with them and even to call upon their aid. It grants a +4 competence bonus on Perform (sing) checks. On command the wearer can speak with animals (birds only) up to 7 minutes a day, in increments of 1 minute.
Once per day, as a standard action the wearer can summon a flock of songbirds that appear within 40’ of the wearer and act as he directs. The flock is identical to a bat swarm except as follows 26 hit points, swarm damage 2d6 and does not possess blindsense or the Wounding special attack, instead the flock has Deafening Cacophony - any creature damaged by the flock must make a DC 17 Fort save or be deafened for 1d6 rounds. A flock can be commanded to take a standard action to split into a pair of flocks. This divides the remaining hit points equally between the flocks; lowering the swarm damage of each to 1d6, the DC of their Deafening Cacophony to 13 and length of its effect to 1d3 rounds. Only two flocks can be present at the same time and can merge back together as a standard action if touching. A flock cannot split if it has less than 13 hit points remaining. The flock serves the wearer for 7 rounds before vanishing.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, speak with animals, summon natures ally IV; Cost 6,600 gp
Hand of Vengeance
Aura Strong Abjuration CL 13th
Slot Hands Price 43,232gp Weight 7lbs
Description
Intricately etched with elaborate runes, this heavy cold iron locked gauntlet is highlighted by electrum chains that anchor a weapon into place, and features a prominent star sapphire set in the back of the fist.
Once per day, as an immediate action, the Hand of Vengeance affords it's wielder unparalleled protection from a single targeted spell as the incoming spell triggers the gauntlet's defenses. Arcane runes flare to life, absorbing the incoming spell and channeling its power into the weapon locked in the gauntlet's grip. Upon the spell's absorption, the star in the sapphire seems to float free of the gem, flying unerringly towards the spell's caster to hover above their forehead, marking them for retribution.
The stored spell is immediately delivered with the next successful melee attack made with the charged weapon. Any attempt to unlock or remove the gauntlet while a spell is stored results in the immediate release of the spell upon the wearer.
Construction
Requirements
Craft Wondrous Item, spell turning, detect magic, masterwork cold iron locked gauntlet, star sapphire +1000gp, mirror +100gp
Cost: 21,616gp
Spell Syphon
An appropriate name for the item does. Kind of an archaic way of referencing a "siphon" vs. "syphon"...but okay.
Aura moderate abjuration and transmutation; CL 7th
Slot –; Price 17,500 gp; Weight –lbs.
Solid stats, but if transformation is going to be in the spell requirements, it makes you pause to wonder why the CL is only 7th. Kind of felt a little low on the pricing end for what this item can do. Agree with the aura choices. When you have a weight of "-" you don't need to attach "lbs." to it.
Description
Fine, floating particles of black and white sand fill this delicate, but unbreakable crystal vial. A simple, round stopper seals the vial, fastened to its neck with a thin silver cord.
When a Spell Syphon is opened, it can be thrown as a splash weapon with a range of 20 ft. The sand then whirls out of the vial, filling a 20ft radius with a fine, sparkling cloud of sand.
The cloud concentrates on all creatures capable of using spells or spell-like abilities in its area, whirling around them in a dazzling pattern, draining their magical energies. All affected creatures suffer a 1d4 penalty to their caster level for 1 minute, but may attempt a DC 17 Will save to end this effect every time after they've successfully cast a spell.
One round after emerging, the sand whirls back into the vial, collecting the harnessed energies and after the sand returned the vial reseals itself.
The sand then transforms into a multi-hued liquid, granting the creature drinking it a +4 bonus to its caster level for a number of rounds equal to the total penalty the sand applied.
Once the Spell Syphon is empty the sand will slowly reform over the next 24 hours, after which it can be used again.
Most of the commentary Sean shared around questioning the logistics of stealing caster levels to boost your own were mine. Mechanically, I just questioned where this item was playing around with the rules and mechanics. It felt more game-breaking than innovative. The presentation of your descriptive paragraphs also came off kind of mish-mashed in the submission tool. I suspect you copied and pasted out of a word editor of some kind and your carriage returns didn't register. So all your line breaks were missing. Made me wonder if you bothered to hit preview. Also, when you reference a magic item (even in your own descriptive text) you should lowercase and italicize it, just like you'd see in a published product.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, dispel magic, greater, transformation;Cost 8,250 gp
Price/cost ratio is incorrect. Cost should always be half the price. That means it should either be 17,500 gp in price and 8,750 gp in cost...or 16,500 gp in price and 8,250 gp in cost. Also, when you include a spell with an additional descriptor like "greater" or "lesser," you don't need to represent it exactly how it's listed alphabetically in the rulebook. Thus, dispel magic, greater looks weird when it's already in a string of spells separated by commas. You either need to cite it as greater dispel magic or dispel magic (greater). I prefer the former over the latter.
Summary:
Decent name (but not earth shattering and maybe a little cute with the "syphon")
Ill-formed idea (stealing caster levels is fraught with game balance concerns)
Suspect mechanics (a reflection of the idea itself)
Good flavor/writing ability
Flawed presentation (attention-to-detail was lacking here)
Diadem of the Spider
Aura strong conjuration; CL 13th
Slot head; Price 16,400 gp; Weight -
Description
At first glance, this circlet is a tangled web of silver threads crowned with a spider locked in amber; when placed on the head, it clings tightly to the scalp of the wearer. Upon mental command, the diadem bids a swarm of spiders up to 100 feet away to approach; the swarm moves normally and converges to surround the wearer in a protective, writhing mass. If the swarm is under another's control, the controller receives a DC 19 Will saving throw against the effect; intelligent swarms use their own Will save modifier. While controlled by the diadem, the spiders cannot be commanded by their original master.
The spiders attack all creatures as normal, except the wearer, who gains a +4 circumstance bonus against the swarm's distraction. The swarm crawls over and around the wearer, providing concealment; any attack against the wearer that could damage the swarm causes the blanket of living vermin to absorb 5 points of damage for the wearer. An intelligent swarm that takes damage in this manner receives a new saving throw with a +2 bonus.
The diadem of the spider functions for 13 rounds each day. The rounds need not be consecutive, though attempts to exert control count against the limit. If the effect ends or the swarm is dismissed (a standard action), the swarm ignores the wearer for one round.
The diadem can command swarms of vermin other than spiders, but they receive a DC 19 Will saving throw to resist. If such a swarm is actively controlled, it gains a bonus on the save equal to the controller's Wisdom modifier.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, creeping doom; Cost 8,200 gp
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Here's my item... the animist's core. Rip it a new one. Where'd I go wrong?
Animist’s Core
Aura strong transmutation and universal; CL 14th
Slot --; Price 90,000 gp; Weight 22 lbs.
Description
An animist’s core is a brassy, 10-inch diameter sphere embedded with strange dials and valves. Originally devised by the arcanists of the Technic League in Numeria, the core enables skilled practitioners of transmutation magic to create powerful, permanent guardians and servants with the animate objects spell.
Once per day as a standard action, the core’s possessor may cause the sphere to assimilate with an animated object within 30 feet by holding it aloft and speaking a command word. The creature to be affected must be a construct animated by the possessor himself with the animate objects spell. Once activated, the animist’s core flies toward and is incorporated into the animated object. This assimilation changes the duration of the animate objects spell animating the construct to “permanent,” as the permanency spell.
Additionally, the incorporated creature immediately gains two additional construction points (see Bestiary, page 14), and a +2 enhancement bonus on all attack and damage rolls with its slam attacks. Finally, the incorporated creature gains the ability to accept complex instructions, obeying the animator’s spoken commands to the best of its ability.
Should the incorporated construct ever be destroyed, the animist’s core falls to the ground, intact. Should the permanency effect bestowed by the animist’s core ever be dispelled, however, the core becomes drained of its power and gains the broken condition. Repairing the core takes eight uninterrupted hours of work and requires 15,000 gp in rare components and materials. A broken core cannot be activated until it is repaired, and no spell or magical effect short of a miracle or wish can repair a broken animist’s core.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, animate objects, fox's cunning, permanency; Cost 45,000 gp
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Thanks in advance for your advice feedback. Here's hoping that the third time's the charm!
Aura faint enchantment and transmutation; CL 5th
Slot belt; Price 9000 gp; Weight 0.5 lbs.
Description
Worn tied around the waist, this beautiful, woven silk belt is made from the finest black and golden thread and has four tassels on each loose end alternating in black and gold. It was first created to embody the aspects of Calistria - the threefold stings of passion, guile and vengeance. Since then enterprising, jealous or lonely spellcasters have fashioned a number of these items for their own use. This belt grants the wearer a +4 enhancement bonus to Bluff and Diplomacy skill checks.
Four times per day, the wearer can detach one of the gold tassels, and use it as an additional spell component while casting charm person. If the target fails their save, they will feel a sharp sting as the spell comes into effect. The spell is treated as if affected by the Extend Spell feat, without increasing the spell level slot required to cast it. The target of the spell treats the caster as a lover, and can be considered to be helpful.
Four times per day, the wearer may remove one of the black tassels, and use it as an additional component in a spell cast against a lover that has betrayed them. The spell in question is then treated as if affected by the Disrupting Spell feat, without increasing the spell level slot required to cast it. This disruption manifests as a feeling of multiple sharp stings on the body. All tassels used reappear within twenty four hours.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Disrupting Spell, Extend Spell, charm person, eagle’s splendour; Cost 4500 gp
Absalom Amulet of Distinction
Aura Moderate Transmutation; CL9th
Slot Neck; Price 16,000 gp; Weight –
Description
This plain necklace of fine links and a stamped copper sigil seems like it might become very important to you.
First identified as part of the tomb spoils from an ancient ruin, these Amulets have become a favored item of the would-be godlings of Absalom, who use them to increase their profile and stand out from ‘mere mortals’.
Wearing the Amulet for a full week causes it to attune to you and become almost unnoticeable by others (DC 30 Perception to tell you are wearing one). If removed, it takes another week for the effects to fade as people slowly start ignoring you, and forgetting why they thought you were special.
While attuned to the Amulet, you are Distinct. You take a –20 penalty on all Disguise checks, and all Hide checks to vanish into a crowd. Any entity attempting to appear as you also takes a –20 to its Disguise rolls, and loses any racial or circumstance bonuses while doing so (this penalty is not apparent to the entity). You literally cannot be mistaken for another person.
If you have the Leadership feat, you gain a +3 to your Leadership score for determining the number of followers you have (but not a cohort).
You gain a +3 to Diplomacy interactions, Knowledge (Local), and such interactions with people who like to talk to you, tell you things, and you always seem to know everyone and what is going on locally.
You are generally estimated by others to be three levels higher level then you actually are, and are treated accordingly.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Leadership, Alter Self (rev), Non-Detection (rev), Eagle’s Splendor; Cost 8,000 gp
Cloak of the Coward
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 7
Slot shoulders; Price 22800 gp; Weight: 1 lb.
Description
This rakish-looking half-cape is black with a bright yellow vertical stripe down the center and is held with a clasp that features what at first glance appears to be a feather from a noble bird of prey, but upon closer inspection is actually that of a chicken or ostrich. Upon donning the cape, the bearer feels a heightened sense of awareness that hinges on paranoia, giving them a +2 bonus on initiative checks. However, it is when someone attempts to affect the wearer’s mind that the cloak’s true abilities are revealed. Should the bearer ever be affected with a charm person spell or a special ability that mimics its effects, the spell or special ability is countered and the wearer is instead frightened towards the person who cast the spell. Should the bearer ever be targeted by a dominate person spell or a special ability that mimics its effects, the spell is not countered, however the wearer instead is panicked towards the item, object or person he is first compelled to interact with. The cape can only react against these particular enchantments three times a day. If a character is immune to fear, they cannot benefit from any of the functions of this item.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fear Cost: 11400 gold
Egg of the Flame Toxoztesoma
Really didn't care for the name. Who or what is a Toxoztessoma and why would I want to write that down on my character sheet? Much less pronounce it when trying to describe my awesome item to someone? Doesn't conjure up very good imagery for the reader to lead them into anticipating the description and mechanics of your item. Why is a "small gem" worn on the forehead called an "egg"...? Nothing really inspiring in that.
Aura strong transmutation and necromancy CL12th
Slot head Price 12,000gp Weight-
Definitely lots of transmutation going on in this item. And the animated skeleton bit is obviously where necromancy gets invoked. Underpriced for everything this item does. Caster level of 12th seems appropriate for access to swarm skin (your highest level spell in the construction requirements).
Description
This small gem is worn on the forehead, this item is activated by speaking the command word, and it borrows into the owner’s head. His skin and organs melt and turn into a single advanced leech swarm with the additional following changes; +2 strength, +4 dexterity, +3 natural armour, burn ability, fire resistance 20 and vulnerability to cold damage, this swarm is fully under the control of the owner, also anything this swarm perceives the owner perceives, the owner can control telepathically at any range as a swift action. After the owner’s body resurrects in a burst of flames, turning into a flaming skeletal creature with the following traits +2 strength bonus +4 dexterity bonus, +3 natural armour bonus, DR5/bludgeoning, darkvision 60ft, resist fire 20, vulnerability to cold, burn ability, the owner is treated as a native outsider for the duration of the effect. This effect lasts for 10 minutes, after which the owner’s body naturally extinguishes itself, incapacitating him for a round as his flesh slowly reforms, at the same time the swarm evaporates into a thick mist. The destruction of the swarm has no effect on the owner. This is a one use only item, after its activation it is destroyed. Alternatively by placing the egg on a dead creature’s body and activating it, the body is animated into a bloody flaming undead champion with the personality and alignment it had in life and it also gains the blood drain and poison abilities of the leech swarm. This undead creature lasts 1d6 minutes and after that it is instantly destroyed into a small pile of ashes.
Whoa! Way too much going on with this thing. It's like a shopping list of goodies spread across multiple incarnations of physical aspects manifested by the item's power. This is overkill. Some poor grammar shows up in the writing, too. The gem should "burrow" not "borrow" into someone's head.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, swarm skin, elemental body II, animate dead CL12 Cost 6,000gp
Spells should always be italicized (and alphabetized if you list more than one). Not sure why "CL12" showed up again here. You don't need to mention that in the construction requirements and you already indicated the CL in the header for the item's stats.
Summary:
Weak name
Overloaded idea (it's a powergamer's dream)
Exhaustive mechanics (a shopping list of bonuses and monster abilities)
Weak flavor/writing skill (grammar problems, uninspiring)
Flawed presentation (didn't follow the provided template correctly)
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8
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I find that my item has a pretty significant similarity (spell attack = movement) to the Iron Bands of the Blue Dragon.
Yes, it's interesting to see several items with similar concepts. I had my fireflint (scroll down one) a couple of years back, for example.
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Marathon Voter Season 6
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A big thanks to the judges for the critiques in general and my Chrononaut's Horologe in particular. I took Clark's advice to try and swing for the big one and knocked myself out with the bat. I'm still amazed at the lengths you guys go to and the passion you continue to display with this competition. Thanks so much for the effort - the feedback is really appreciated.
Best Regards
Herremann the Wise
Well first time submitting didn't quiet make it, so i hopefully i can get some good advice ;)
Genteel Rogues Handkerchief
Aura strong abjuration and conjuration; CL 9th
Slot -; Price 30,660 gp; Weight - lbs.
Description
Sewn from the finest silks and embroidered with gold and silver thread, this elegantly designed handkerchief appears to all physical investigations to be nothing more then as it appears. As a full-round action the handkerchief can be activated by speaking the proper command word and snapping the handkerchief, causing it to unroll into a set of masterwork thieves tools. This set of masterwork thieves tools gives the user a +5 competence bonus to all Disable Device checks.
The tools may be returned to their normal state by saying the command word again, which causes the tools to roll back up into a handkerchief.
Characters with the Trapfinding class feature may, 2/day as a standard action, disable any magical trap as if they had succeeded on a successful Disable Device check, by wiping the handkerchief over the trap, and saying the command word.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Major Creation, Dispel Magic; Cost 15330 gp
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Here you go, tear it to shreds ;)
LACE FAN OF THE VIGILANT COURTIER
Aura faint divination; CL 5th
Slot -; Price 13,500gp; Weight ½ lb
DESCRIPTION
This ornate lace fan has two applications. Firstly, so long as the possessor of the fan keeps fanning themselves they suffer no penalty for wearing heavy or restrictive clothing or armor in hot environments.
In addition by covering their mouth and concentrating for a minute, the possessor of the fan can "read" a room containing no less than 10 people. The "reading" will reveal the general emotional state of the room (excited, fearful, happy etc.) In addition, the most socially important persons in the room will also be identified (even if disguised), as well as general group affiliations and strong emotional ties between people in the room. The fan will not reveal any specific information, thus it will not identify what affiliation a group holds or the nature of any strong emotions, it will merely indicate that these bonds exist.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, endure elements, detect thoughts; Cost 6,750gp
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Staff Head of the Dragon Lords
Aura Strong Transmutation; CL 17th
Slot -; Price 110,000 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
This bauble, two ornate dragons twisting around a brilliant gemstone, fits onto any magical staff. As a standard action the dragons animate and latch onto a staff held by the user, and remove themselves in the same manner.
The trinket is treasured by dragons for its ability to return power to staffs within the dragon's hoard. Once per day, after the bauble has been latched onto a staff for at least 24 hours, the user may return one charge to the staff it is attached to. To do this the user must expend a spell of the highest level the staff is able to cast along with magical reagents worth an amount of gp equal to the highest level spell in the staff times ten. This ability cannot restore staffs that no longer hold any charges.
As a secondary function, the attached dragons can be commanded as a standard action to release all power within the staff as a reckless breath weapon of magical energies. Every charge in the staff is released in a 60 ft. cone shaped blast. Every creature within the blast recieves a reflex save for half damage, DC 17. The damage dealt is equal to the number of charges expelled times the highest level spell in the staff divided by the number of squares away from the user (rounded down). Using this function is risky, there is a 20% chance the user is affected by the blast (distance treated as one for damage). Unattended objects also take the damage.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item ,creator must be able to cast spells of at least 9th level; Cost 55,000 gp
Ok guys, let me have it..........
Ruby Monocle of Mind Bending
Aura moderate enchantment; CL 7th
Slot eyes; Price 31,500 gp; Weight -
Description
This item consists of an expertly cut, multi-faceted ruby lens in a bright golden frame, with a thin matching chain attached to the side. When the command word is spoken, the ruby lens glows with a swirling, hypnotic light. One creature that can see the wearer, and is within 30 feet, that fails a DC 16 Will save must immediately make a single melee attack. This attack must be against one creature within the target's reach or it may be against the target itself. This choice is made by the Ruby Monocle's wearer. The target uses it's normal attack bonus and damage for this attack but the Ruby Monocle wearer may augment this attack with any appropriate feats the target may possess, such as Power Attack or Vital Strike, but may not use feats that allow the target to attack more than one creature, such as Cleave. The Ruby Monocle reveals to the wearer any suitable feats the target possesses for the purpose of this attack, but does not reveal any other feats the target may possess. The power of the Ruby Monocle may be used three times per day. The monocle does not impede the wearer's sight in any way.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, confusion; Cost 15,750 gp
Ship in a bottle
Uninspired name. It's a real-world item, actually. Also, make sure you capitalize your words in an item's name. At the very least it should be "Ship in a Bottle"...
Aura strong transmutation; CL 8th
Slot -; Price 2,500gp (rowboat), 8,400gp (keelboat), 22,400gp(long ship or sailing ship), 52,400gp (warship), 62,400gp (galley); Weight 1lb
Already I've got a raised eyebrow when I see this many variants of the item. You also need to put some spaces between values and "gp" and "lb"...and you've gone for CL 8th, when a CL 5th could be sufficient to cast shrink item...which is okay, just makes me wonder why you'd want it to be higher, particularly when it can involve something as simple as a rowboat.
Description
The first ship in a bottle was created by a great wizard for the admiral of the royal navy when he retired, along with his warship. Many variations of it have been created since then.
Don't really care for lead off information that serves up backstory. You should come right out of the gate and describe your item first. If you really feel the need to give info about an item's origin (and you shouldn't), then save it to the end when you have leftover words. And be very, very sparing with it.
The ship in a bottle looks just like a normal, clear, 2 inch thick, glass bottle capable of holding about 1 gallon of liquid. But, inside the corked bottle is a tiny ship sitting upon wooden supports. Anyone giving it a cursory glance will see a tiny model of a ship with amazing detail (sometimes even having barnacles on its hull).
A handful of minor quibbles here. First, it should be "2-inch thick" not "2 inch thick" and you've used passive voice ("is") and the word "will" which can almost always be dropped to make your writing stronger (e.g., "Anyone giving it a cursory glance sees a tiny model of a ship..." works just as well and it saves you an extra word). I'm also not sure why your descriptive paragraphs all contain indents. I'm guessing you copied and pasted from a word processor and the submission tool didn't translate that very well.
Handling the bottle in any way will allow the handler to see that the ship does not move within the bottle no matter the amount of shaking. However, if the bottle is broke or if the cork is removed (a DC 24 Strength check) while not in contact with any liquid will cause the contents to spill forth and crumble to useless wooden pieces.
If the bottle is set into any liquid (lethal or otherwise) then the powerful magics set into the object activates. If the liquid is deep enough and the area is large enough to accommodate the ship set within the bottle, then the bottle will evaporate and the ship inside will instantly grow to its normal size. Otherwise, the bottle does nothing. The ship is equipped as per their related descriptions in the transport section (see page 163).
You're rambling a lot here. This is really a very simplistic item, but you're bogging it down with too much description of every little nuance in how someone interacts with it. Just describe you item, tell us what it does, and get out. Also, calling out references to other sections of the rulebook (while sometimes necessary in a book of magic items) isn't really the best thing to do with an item you want to pass off as Superstar.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, shrink item; Cost 1,250gp (rowboat), 4,200gp (keelboat), 11,200gp (long ship or sailing ship), 26,200gp (warship), 31,200gp (galley)
Still not thrilled about all the variations to this item. It would have been stronger to just define one version of this thing. And, even then, that's not unique enough to stand out all that differently from the folding boat that's already in the game.
Summary:
Poor name (too generic and connotes real-world ships in a bottle too much)
Repetitive idea (the folding boat already has this item covered)
Rambling mechanics (needs to be shorter and succinct)
Bland flavor/writing (nothing that makes this item inspiring, wasted words)
Flawed presentation (lots of minor missteps, needs more polish and detail)
Of course after I submitted this originally I realized that the name might've sounded better as "Glove of Elemental Archery." It just sounds better. Either way, lets see what the judges have to say!
Archers' Elemental Glove
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 6th
Slot hands; Price 36,000 gp (green), 36,000 gp (white), 36,000 gp (blue), 36,000 gp (red); Weight --
Description
These gloves comes in one of four different varieties, each made from a different type of dragon skin. Each glove is attuned to a different element (green for Acid; white for Cold; blue for Electricity; red for Fire). When worn by an archer it replaces the physical damage of each arrow fired with its assigned elemental type. Once the arrow has finished its flight the magical energies dissipate and it returns to its original state. Upon a critical hit, the arrows explode in a small burst of their elemental energy, dealing an extra +1d4 damage of the glove's type.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Item, Elemental Spell (Metamagic), elemental touch, magic missile; Cost 18,000 gp
Thanks in advance.
Spectacles of the Second Sight
Aura faint divination; CL 5th
Slot eyes; Price 7,500 gp; Weight —
Description
Though the mirrored eye-shaped lenses on these ornate silver spectacles constantly blink open and closed, they do not hamper the wearer’s vision in any way. As a move (manipulation) action, the wearer may make an opposed Perception check to catch the open eyes of any visible two-eyed creature within 15 feet.
If successful, the lenses cease blinking, take on the appearance of the target's eyes, and the spectacles become charged. As a swift action, the wearer may discharge the spectacles; for the next five minutes, she replaces all her visual abilities and attacks with those of the target at time of charging. This includes darkvision, low-light vision, light blindness, light sensitivity, skill ranks and bonuses in sight-based Perception checks, and magical, spell-like and supernatural effects that rely on sight (such as true seeing or a paladin's detect evil). If the target possessed a gaze attack, the wearer may actively gaze towards one creature of her choice during the discharging period. The DC for any effect remains the same as if it was derived from the original target. The spectacles cannot grant base Wisdom modifiers or any ability acquired from a magic item. After five minutes, the lenses regain their mirrored sheen and may again be charged.
A charge may be held indefinitely, but is immediately lost if the spectacles are removed. A creature may not have their vision mirrored by a pair of spectacles of the second sight more than once in a 24-hour period.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, arcane sight; Cost 3,750 gp
Athame of the Master
Aura moderate necromancy and strong transmutation; CL 17th
Slot -; Price 100,302 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
This unassuming stone dagger is a powerful tool in the hands of any caster, as it allows them to cast spells using their own vitality or that of another. As a move action a caster may choose to target themselves and deal damage in place of losing a prepared spell or spell slot. The amount of damage taken is equivalent to 5 times the spell's level, for instance casting a 5th level spell would require a sacrifice of 25 hit points. The wielder of the athame may use a willing target in their stead to power the blade's magic. Using a willing target functions the same way as when the wielder is the selected target. If the target is unwilling, it must have the helpless condition. Using the athame in this way is an evil act. If used as a weapon, it is treated as a +1 vicious dagger.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Enervation, Mnemonic Enhancer; Cost 49,802 gp
Another round of thanks for the Judges and everyone who is taking the time to review our items. I think I need work on my pricing among other things.
Naturesmith Gloves
Aura Strong Transmutation CL 15th
Slot Hands; Price 14,400 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
These brown leather gloves appear worn and well cared for, each bearing an image of Torag’s hammer and tong on their palm. When a command word is spoken these gloves produce white clay that has morphic properties 3 times a day. The gloves produce clay at a maximum rate of 1 cubic foot per round or until 15 cubic feet of clay has been produced. After the gloves produce 15 cubic feet of clay the gloves become inert for 24 hours while the gloves renew their magical energies. The wearer can apply this clay to any non-magical, non-special stone, metal or wood at a rate of 5ft per round, clay used on invalid materials is wasted as it rapidly crumbles to dust. The clay changes 1 round after application transforming permanently into the same material it covers. For example, clay spread over a wooden doorframe seals the door to the frame as if it were a solid piece. The thickness, hardness and hit points are of regular clay until it is applied to stone, wood or metal, the clay gains the new materials hardness and hit points. If the clay is applied to any precious metal or mineral the duration is treated as the spell Major Creation with a caster level of 15th.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Polymorph Any Object, Major Creation, creator must have 10 ranks in the Craft (Sculpting) skill; Cost 7,200 gp
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Thanks in advance for the critique! The version below is slightly different than the submitted version; changes made once I had it in the submission form didn't get saved.
Goggles of Twisting Sight
Aura Faint Abjuration CL 5th
Slot Eyes Price 14 250 gp Weight ½ pound
Originally created by fey artisans as protection against the gaze attacks of fell creatures, the world viewed through the goggles of twisting sight is an ever shifting riot of colors and distortion. The design has been copied by other races since then, though none have successfully eliminated the effects detrimental to non-fey. Anyone donning the goggles for the first time must make a DC 14 Will save or be dazed for 1d6 rounds, as their mind adapts to its new perception. While worn, the distorted view through the goggles offers a +4 resistance bonus on saves against any gaze or sight-based attacks. Fey can wear the goggles with no ill effect. But because their minds are not as comfortable with distorted reality, non-fey wearing the goggles suffer a -2 penalty on all sight-based Perception checks, as well as a -2 penalty on saves versus illusion spells and spell-like effects. Additionally, each time the non-fey creature removes the goggles there is a cumulative 5% chance (to a maximum of 50%) that their mind will become addled adapting back to reality; the wearer is affected as if by a confusion spell, caster level 5th.
Goggles of twisting sight offer an additional benefit to gnomes in particular, and gnomes often seek or craft them for this reason. Any gnome wearing the goggles at the appropriate time receives a +2 resistance bonus on their Will save to stave off or recover from the effects of the Bleaching.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, color spray, resistance Cost 7125 gp
If any of the judges would be willing to dig out and comment on Duality's Left Hand, I would appreciate that.
Looked over the bottom 5 of page 2. I hope to get to all of these eventually, but I'm going to try doing it in little bites.
Edit: Okay, my post doesn't need to take up THAT much room.
THARQUMORITRON
Tharqumoritron
Aura moderate divination; CL 16th
Slot -; Price 48,000 gp; Weight 8 lbs.
Description
This clockwork lizard resembles an iguana with extra legs and a coiled tail. Twisting, vine-like runes run along the underside of the tail and the pads of its feet in masterfully sculpted bas-relief and its green, glass eyes seem to glow with an inner light. The Tharqumoritron may be activated once a day by winding it and feeding it a black star sapphire worth 1,000gp. Upon digestion, the Tharqumoritron regurgitates an inky, black ichor. Crawling through this ink, it coats the runes on its feet and tail and begins the meticulous process of printing a precise, five-foot diameter circle. This must be performed on wood, stone, or some similar hard, flat, and relatively clean surface. Placing a magic item into the center of the finished circle causes the Tharqumoritron to begin a low hum and minor vibration. The light behind the glass eyes intensifies until it begins to project a cloudy bubble in mid air. Creatures adjacent to the circle can see hazy illustrations, notes, and formulae related to the items creation and design swirl within the cloudy bubble. A successful Knowledge Arcana check DC 10 gives the viewer a +20 insight bonus on Use Magic Device and Spellcraft checks for this item for 24 hours. This entire process takes one hour. Only one item may be placed in the circle per use.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Identify, Legend Lore, Read Magic; Cost 24,000 gp
I don't know what to think about this. You buried the lead as deeply as you possibly could (I haven't the FOGGIEST idea what it is going to do until the third-to-last sentence). There's a lot more description than I would consider healthy. But I have to admit that the visuals are pretty neat. I actually kind of appreciate that you can't guess the function from the form, yet how you still pull it together with the stepping-around-to-ink-out-a-rune-circle. The whole thing has a quirky, ponderous, "clockwork gadget" vibe (and/or "magic is weird" vibe) that I'm digging.
Mechanically there are analogues to other spells, but I'm not familair with anything that does exactly the same thing. +20 to UMD is a huge deal for the right character. On the other hand it still looks overpriced to me (1,000 GP per use is a very steep toll at almost any level; legend lore costs a quarter of that).
I can see a lot of reasons to reject this, but I'm personally fond of it none the less and hope you keep trying next year.
BOOTS OF THE BLIGHTED PATH
I am sure I will appreciate the brutal honesty that is about to be slung my way. Thanks in advance.
Boots of the Blighted Path
Aura Moderate necromancy; CL 9th
Slot feet; Price 34,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.Description
Boots of the Blighted Path are made of stiff polished leather with thick soles hobnailed with iron studs. These boots are of great benefit to explorers as they destroy vegetation in the path of the wearer. This allows the wearer to ignore vegetation based rough terrain but not other forms of rough terrain. These boots also protect the wearer from any plant based hindrance of his movement such as would be created by entangle, wall of thorns or similar effects. Further, plants or plant creatures that attempt to grapple the wearer can be damaged by the boots’ power. Once per day the wearer may utilize the boots to attack a plant or plant creature that grapples the wearer as per the spell Blight. Finally, the boots store some of the life energy of the plants they destroy and may, once per day, be called upon to cure their wearer of 4d8+9 points of damage or end any one of the following conditions affecting the wearer: blinded, confused, dazzled, deafened, diseased, exhausted, fatigued, nauseated, poisoned, or sickened.Unfortunately, the trail of dead vegetation left by the wearers’ passage makes him easy to track, +10 circumstance bonus to Survival checks. The wearer of these boots will also have trouble maintaining positive relations with Fey and other creatures with a strong connection to nature because of the destruction the boots cause. All such creatures automatically have their initial attitude toward the wearer shifted one step toward hostile.
Construction Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Defoliate, Blight, Cleanse; Cost 17,000 gp
-Blight 1/day makes sense and is a cool power; if I'm wearing these babies and a tendriculous grapples me, I'm going to want to kick him in the face and dish out some blight, so I can agree with that one (though the action, and what is required to perform that action while grappling, could have been clearer).
-The free healing makes some metaphysical sense but the boots would already be a great item without them. And in this case they clash slightly with the "BLIGHT AND CRUSH" vibe (leeching energy or otherwise breaking even is a cool idea, but some magic is just plain negative). This is the kind of thing I would do if the item was already very simple (i.e, not here).
-The huge list of conditions that you can end is just plain overkill. This doesn't need to be a status panacea to be cool.
-I don't know if the +10 to track is necessary or desirable (many DMs would just say that you leave a trail and can be tracked automatically). Likewise, the 'fey are hostile to you' should have been left out; don't tell the DM how to run his game, just say what your item does. A note about the devistation that these boots cause and some hint as to the potential consequences would not be out of place, but don't go into mechanics there.
Overdesigning is a VERY easy to ruin a good item. In my opinion this could have been superstar with stricter editing, and that's the kind of thing that can be learned. :)
PAPER ROBES
Paper Robes
Aura Moderate Transmutation; CL 7th
Slot Body; Price 12,500 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
Paper robes hold up to five spell levels of spells as if they were a scroll. The wearer may cast these spells from the robes as if he were a spell caster of the correct level and class with a casting ability score needed for the spell (this removes that spell from the robes as if it had been burned off). If the wear is actually a spell caster he may prepare the spells on the robes as if they were on his spell list even if they normally are not. The robes do have a drawback, if the wearer takes fire damage while wearing paper robes he must make a reflex save (DC 15) or one spell burns off of the robes. A new spell may be scribed on the robes 24 hours after the last spell was burned off.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Imbue With Spell Ability Cost 6,250 gp
You could have said that fire destroys the robe itself, which would have sucked for the owner; just saying you lose the scroll (and assuming that the paper robes offer an endless supply of new paper) was good design in my opion.
MWANGI MEASURING STICK
I'm looking to get better. I can take a critique. Thanks for the feedback and time. I'm guessing that since 1/2 of this item is SIAC, that would be a minor problem. Maybe a bit boring? Needs more coolness (mojo) factor? Without further ado:
Mwangi Measuring Stick
Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot -; Price 18,000 gp Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This 3 foot long pale gray stick is made of a pliant material created by Mwangi tribal shamans by boiling the liquid distilled from certain jungle plants. The stick is marked with notches along its length at regular intervals and seems to expand and contract of its own accord.Once per day, the possessor may place a weapon or suit of armor beside the measuring stick to attune it to the item. By then stretching or compacting the stick, the possessor may permanently enlarge or reduce the size of the attuned item by one size category.
In addition, once per day the possessor may use the measuring stick to either enlarge or reduce a creature as with an enlarge person or reduce person spell.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Enlarge Person, Reduce Person; Cost 9,000 gp
CRYSTAL FLY
I built this for last year's first round, but decided not to submit it because I was too busy at the time to follow through with the full competition if I had made it. This year I pulled it out, dusted it off, added 100 words or so, and posted. I didn't notice the rule against "ALL CAPS" until I was reading the round two rules. Total face-palm!
CRYSTAL FLY
Aura strong divination; CL 13th
Slot — ; Price 5,000 gp; Weight —DESCRIPTION
This tiny piece of perfectly transparent crystal is carved roughly into the shape of a fly. It can be activated as a free action by clenching it tightly in a fist and thinking of a span of time of up to one full day; when released, the crystal transforms into a real fly. For one minute after activation, the activator is able to control the fly as by the spell dominate animal. At the end of this minute the fly must land on an adjacent surface or object where it will stay for the period of time chosen at activation, after which it curls up dead. During this time, the fly has no magical aura and appears completely normal even under magical observation; the dead fly regains its strong aura of divination. The activated fly has darkvision 60 ft, uses the activator's Perception skill bonus, has AC 23 (+8 size, +5 Dex), has 1 HP, flies with speed 60 (good), and is unable to make attacks. If attacked or otherwise disturbed, it will buzz around for one round before returning to its place. When the fly dies or is killed, it teleports instantly back into its activator's hand. If prevented from teleporting to its activator, it will teleport as close as possible and the activator will instantly know the fly's location. Any intelligent creature who swallows the dead fly instantly gains complete memories of everything which happened within sight or hearing of the fly while it was "alive," as well as perfect knowledge of where it was located at each point in time.CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous...
Many parts of this just aren't well considered. I think having a little crystal scout like this (who can potentially avoid detection by laying dormant for a while) is a lot cooler than similar divination effects. But why do you need to memorize the span of time if you control it directly anyway? Also, you say that you have to swallow the fly to gain the information. That COULD be interesting; unfortunately, you go to such lengths (and use so many words) making it impossible to prevent its return that swallowing it isn't much of a challenge. You might as well just have the information transfer remotely. I think this needs a lot more polish.
Searing Vestment of the Dawnflower
Nice name. Immediately has me expecting a Sarenrae item. And I've got visuals of what a "searing vestment" might look like or feel like while wearing it. Well done.
Aura moderate conjuration and evocation; CL 11th
Slot body; Price 68,000 gp; Weight 6 lbs.
That's a pretty heavy vestment. Six pounds? Seems odd. Price looks okay on a cursory examination. Caster level might be a bit higher than usual, but that's not as bad as having too low a CL. Choices for your aura seem appropriate for what the item does.
Description
Decorated with red and golden suns, this long, white chasuble glows brilliantly.
This is a big mistake. You won't find italicized lead-in descriptions of magic items in the Pathfinder Core Rulebook. And that's what you should be emulating with your designs. You will find this kind of italicized text in the non-OGL Magic Item Compendium. So, you're following a wrong format. It's a pretty serious knock, because it immediately gets the judges (and your publisher) wondering if they can trust you to guard against using other non-OGL stuff in your designs...or follow the format they give you. Either way, you're creating more work for them by not giving them something in the format they expect and require.
Upon donning the searing vestment of the Dawnflower, the wearer immediately surrounds herself with a 40-foot radius, golden-red nimbus that otherwise works as continual flame. If the wearer removes the garment, the illumination extinguishes.
Additionally, once per day, the wearer may activate the searing vestment of the Dawnflower and cause the sun-like corona to implode, transforming her into a fiery ray of sunlight. The ray then fires forth as per searing light. If the distance to the target is no more than 60 feet and the attack is successful the target becomes unbalanced, allowing the wearer to make a trip attack using the damage done as her Combat Maneuver Bonus. After resolving the attack, the wearer will then reappear behind and adjacent to the target. If the ranged touch attack misses, use the splash weapon rules to determine where the wearer reappears, assuming a range increment of 10 feet. The movement in the form of the searing light ray and trip attack do not provoke attacks of opportunity.
Once this special attack has been resolved, the illumination reappears for 10 rounds, then immediately ceases and cannot be reignited until any time after the break of the next dawn.
Some flavorful stuff in here, but mechanically suspect on the CMB bonus being calculated based on your damage output with the searing light. Several of these effects come off feeling very SIAC-ish. And the flavor of how they're presented aren't quite as mechanically interesting (like riding a lightning bolt, for instance).
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Improved Trip, Widen Spell, continual flame, dimension door, searing light; Cost 34,000 gp
You need to get in the habit of italicizing just the spell names, not the commas separating them. I feel like the Improved Trip and Widen Spell requirements aren't really needed. Yes, the item can potentially generate a trip attack, but I don't think the caster necessarily has to know how to pull off an Improved Trip to create an item where the blast effect of it's searing light can cause someone to fall prone. Same goes for the Widen Spell feat. Kind of unnecessary. Just define your item as working more powerfully than the typical continual flame effect and let that be what sets the wondrous item apart from the spell. By including Widen Spell, you really just made it exactly that...a widened continual flame. And that makes it feel more like a SIAC than a wondrous item.
I find that my item has a pretty significant similarity (spell attack = movement) to the Iron Bands of the Blue Dragon. I just hope that my item had enough chops in the judges eyes that they were torn between the two and ultimately chose the bands instead of this vestment. If not, oh well I guess, back to the drawing board!
I don't believe any of us consciously compared it to that. I know I didn't. And besides, when there are hundreds of items pouring in, the judges pretty much move through these things like warrior-gods on the field of battle, striking down things as fast as we can and elevating those that stand out. Items have to be really similar for us to bring them together in our analysis. We had a couple of cloaks with that issue. And any meme that starts developing can cause it. But two elemental items doing different spell effects? Not so much.
Summary:
Nice name
Fairly interesting idea (but still some boring SIAC effects and poor design choices)
Mechanically suspect (particularly on the CMB bonus)
Decent flavor/writing ability
Flawed presentation (italicized description, but got a lot of other stuff perfectly right)
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8
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I'd appreciate any and all feedback. I know the things that I saw after submitting, but I would love to hear what the judges have to say so I can improve for next year. I think I made a few tiny changes in the submission window, but this is my last saved copy.
Threads of Discourse
Aura strong divination; CL 9th
Slot ring; Price 2300 gp; Weight 0 lbs.
Description
Threads from this golden spool allow two to four intelligent creatures (Int = 3+) to communicate anywhere on the material plane during a communal dream.
When tied into a bow around each user's finger, strands of this variegated thread produce a shared, trance-like, dream state, with the five senses filtering through individualized dream worlds. If sleeping, unwilling wearers receive no save to resist, but strands may be untied while still awake. Spell resistance functions normally. Dreamers retain shared information (including learning new spells if otherwise possible) upon waking, but no physical exchanges or spell effects extend beyond the dream. Any new spell learned must be recorded normally within four hours after waking, or be lost.
All dreamers must tie their thread on the same relative digit or suffer a 10% chance (each) of being excluded to their own dream world.
The effect begins one hour after the first wearer falls asleep, affects the first four dreamers per spool per night and lasts four hours. Threads cannot be stacked to extend time or add dreamers, nor can any user participate in two dream worlds at once. Threads must come from the same spool but can be cut and separated up to twelve months in advance.
Waking ends that user’s participation, and allows the others a perception check (with +5 insight bonus) to wake themselves.
A strand lasts indefinitely until worn while sleeping, then degrades to dust. When empty, the spool can be reused for a 20% discount on construction costs. A full spool contains twenty-four threads; each dream requires one thread per dreamer.
Construction
Requirements craft wondrous item, Dream, Telepathic Bond; Silken tresses sacrificed under a vow of Silence, Cost 1150 gp
Nightmare Flask
Aura faint abjuration; CL 1st
Slot neck; Price 1,750 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This smoked glass flask is capped with a pewter skull crying tears of chains which loop to form a raspy necklace. Embossed with the ebon seal of the Umbral Court, these flasks are often worn by Nidal's shadow-touched aristocracy and the clergy of the Midnight Lord. If the flask is empty and the wearer would become shaken, frightened, panicked, or start cowering, the wearer does not suffer that condition; instead, the fear is diverted and manifests inside the flask as a shadowy essence. The essence swirls and hisses restlessly while contained but cannot escape the flask and cannot be poured out. The flask may be used an unlimited number of times per day but must be emptied in between each use. The only way to empty the flask is for one willing sentient creature (which may or may not be the wearer) to drink the essence within. Tricking or coercing a creature into drinking the essence is an evil act. The drinker must succeed at a Will save (DC 15) or suffer as if subjected to a nightmare spell (a supernatural ability). If the flask is destroyed (hardness 1, hp 2), any essence within vanishes into the plane of shadow, traveling thereby to return to the former wearer from whom it was originally diverted, affecting that creature as if he or she drank the essence (Will save at an increased DC 25). A drinker may voluntarily fail the save against the nightmare effect, an act considered an offering of fear and pain to Zon-Kuthon.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, remove fear; Cost 875 gp
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Mask of Dou-Bral
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 12th
Slot head; Price 85,000 gp ; Weight 1 lb.
Description
The priests of Shelyn craft these beautiful masks to honor their goddess's faith that her half-brother Dou-Bral, despite his terrible transformation, will one day be restored to her.
This adamantine mask has eye and nostril holes, but no mouth opening. It functions only once the wearer swears a nontransferable pledge to protect one person they deeply trust and love. Siblings, lovers, and parents most commonly take up Masks of Dou-Bral. When attached with the leather straps and drawn down upon the face the mask activates, bonding with the skin, its metal flowing down to envelop the entire body.
This metallic skin grants immunity to ingested and contact poisons, damage reduction 3/adamantine, an armor bonus of +8, and spell resistance 13. The resistance increases by 1 for every level subsequently earned while protecting the loved one. Further, all unarmed attacks do lethal damage as adamantine weapons. The skin imposes no armor check, dexterity, or arcane spell failure penalties but wearing it while resting does cause the Fatigued condition.
The activated mask makes eating, drinking, and vocalization impossible. Only Shelyn's name spoken by the pledged love one will deactivate the mask. A break enchantment spell frees the wearer but the mask will henceforth reject both partners.
If a wearer dies protecting the loved one, the mask may be substituted for the material component of a raise dead or resurrection spell. The mask is destroyed unless its spell resistance is 15 or greater. In this case the mask is preserved but resets to its base of 13.
A mask worn by a wearer who's loved one dies is instantly ruined, the metal face cloven in two.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, shield other, instant armor; Cost 42,500 gp
***
I was blown away, and insprired, by many of this year's items and I can see many of the problems my item had already -I should have stated if it was an at will item, what kind of action it took to activate and de-activate it... Ah, hindsight.
The time you're taking to do this is so appreciated. Thank you.
Judges, thanks a ton for providing this feedback, as a first time submitter this will def be invaluable for next year!
Belt of Sudden Elasticity
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 11th
Slot belt; Price 61,900 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This pliable leather belt appears to have a plain silver buckle. If examined closely, the owner sees a continuous roiling throughout the buckle. While worn, the wearer feels as if they are able to twist their body into almost any position, granting a +5 bonus to all acrobatics checks. Upon speaking the proper command word the wearer appears to take on an undulating form allowing their limbs to stretch well beyond normal reaches. This grants the wearer reach as if they were two size categories larger, while still retaining their normal size. The wearer can activate the undulating form as a free action for a total of up to 10 rounds per day.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item , cat’s grace, fluid form; Cost 30,950 gp
Dedicated Voter Season 6
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Summary:
Nice name
Fairly interesting idea (but still some boring SIAC effects and poor design choices)
Mechanically suspect (particularly on the CMB bonus)
Decent flavor/writing ability
Flawed presentation (italicized description, but got a lot of other stuff perfectly right)
Thanks Neil! I figured the Damage as CMB was a big gamble, didn't pay off, oh well.
I figured I'd avoid the SIAC by combining them into an interesting effect. But if it came off that way, I need to refigure how I do that.
Thanks again for the great constructive feedback from both you and Sean so far.
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Here's mine:
Mask of the Demon Hound
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 5th
Slot head; Price 27,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
Although some resemble the snarling visage of a fiendish mongrel, a mask of the demon hound gains its name from its function, rather than its form.
Crafted from sulfurous demon-hide, a mask of the demon hound grants its wearer the scent ability against creatures of the outsider type. For the purpose of this ability, outsiders with the evil subtype are considered to emanate a strong scent, while evil outsiders with more than 10 hit dice create an overpowering scent. Particularly foul environments – such as evil-aligned outer planes – may mask lesser scents. Abilities or effects that protect against divination or other magical detection have no effect on the scent function of the mask, which is a supernatural ability.
The mask of the demon hound also obscures the wearer’s alignment, shifting it one step towards chaos and one step towards evil for the purposes of spell or supernatural ability effects and item requirements. A lawful good character, for example, would be considered neutral when targeted by a detect good or holy smite spell and could wield an anarchic weapon without suffering a negative level. The wearer’s actual alignment is unchanged.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, beast shape I and misdirection or undetectable alignment; Cost 13,500 gp
Thanks for the opportunity to submit and get feedback!
Paranoid Charm
Aura faint abjuration; CL 5th
Slot neck; Price 4,000 gp; Weight .5 lbs.
Description
This amulet is crafted in gold, often in the form of a humanoid face bearing a pained expression. The amulet can be activated once per day, upon which for the entire 24 hour duration it will either confer a +4 enchantment bonus to the wearer's AC or absorb 60 points of damage of *only* the most recent physical (blunt, slash, pierce) or energy (acid, fire, cold, electricity, force) damage of two hit points or greater inflicted upon the wearer in the past day.
The amulet cannot be activated again or have its type of protection altered during its 24 hour duration and removing the charm from your neck ends any conferred bonus immediately. Whenever the amulet is donned, it cannot yet be activated until the wearer suffers at least two hit points of any of the applicable types of damage noted. Likewise, if the wearer does not suffer any of the applicable types of damage in over 24 hours, he must suffer enough damage of any of the applicable types before it will activate again; non-lethal damage does not satisfy the damage prerequisite for activation of this item.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, shield, protection from energy; Cost 2,000 gp
Hammer of the Master Craftsman
Aura: moderate transmutation
CL: 9th
Slot: -
Price: 28,000gp
Weight: 2 lbs
Description:
The hammer normally appears much like a mundane hammer with Dwarven runes carved into its head. During the act of forging, these runes will glow white hot, even if the hammer itself is still cool.
When crafting a mundane item, or any item crafted using the Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Forge Ring, or Craft Wondrous Item feats, this hammer allows the user to complete his work much more quickly than normal.
While crafting (or repairing) a mundane item using the Hammer of the Master Craftsman, instead of comparing the craft check result (craft check times craft DC) against the item’s value in silver pieces, compare it against the item’s value in gold pieces to determine the amount of progress made.
When crafting an item with the Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Forge Ring, or Craft Wondrous Item feats while utilizing the Hammer of the Master Craftsman, crafting time is determined at a rate of 1 day per 5,000gp of the item’s value instead of 1 day per 1,000gp of the item’s value.
In addition to the above effects, this item may also be used as an improvised hammer in combat (use the stats for a light hammer). Instead of dealing damage, on a successful attack, the attacker may choose to impose the broken condition upon one piece of equipment currently being worn or wielded by the target. There is no save for this effect.
Construction:
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, Fabricate, Crafter’s Curse (Advanced Player’s Guide)
Cost: 14,000gp
I suspect I have some ideas as to why my item failed to make the cut, but I'm curious if they match the judges' criticism.
Sneak Thief's Bluff
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot neck; Price 16,500 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
Popular among the Sczarni caravans that wander Avistan, this large heavily embroidered scarf resembles the ceremonial kapenias of the Varisian people and is adorned with intricate embellishments and symbolism of their culture. Its colorful swirls and rolling patterns make it well suited for the complicated illusions and misdirection of Sczarni street performances.
The scarf grants the wearer a +2 competence bonus on any perform check made using it. If the wearer maintains such a performance using the scarf for at least two consecutive rounds before an individual or audience, she can fling a portion of it towards a target within 20ft. three times per day as a standard action; the scarf snakes towards the target, wrapping around a chosen trinket, granting a +3 competence bonus to combat maneuver checks to steal the item. The wearer must select the item before the check is made and there must be an unimpeded line of effect between her and the target for the scarf to reach its destination. The scarf may not retrieve individual items from fastened containers, remove clothing, or disarm opponents.
A successful theft is always immediately noticed by the target unless the wearer attempts another perform check on the following round against an opposing sense motive check from the target. If the wearer’s performance check exceeds the target’s sense motive check the theft goes unnoticed; the wearer receives a -5 penalty on any further combat maneuver checks to steal from the same target during a single performance.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, telekinesis; Cost 8,250 gp
Thanks Sean and judges for doing this. I am pretty sure I know what last minute change did for me.
Smokesting Fire-Geyser
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 7th
Slot --; Price 10,800 gp; Weight –
Description
This palm-sized silver carving mimics a wasp with tiny waist, a long, sharp stinger and four wings. Bands of obsidian and fire opals form menacing black and red stripes along its body. Activating the smokesting fire-geyser causes the wasp to zip away, leaving a plume of smoke everywhere it flies. The smoke later bursts into a geyser of flame dragging the user along the smokesting’s trail.
As a standard action, the user activates the smokesting and indicates a direction. The smokesting pricks the user, leaves its stinger behind, and flies in the indicated direction with a speed of 40 feet. A five foot wide plume of smoke connects the smokesting to the stinger and user, filling every square through which it passes. The user may control the smokesting’s course with a move action, otherwise it continues in the last direction indicated. If the user also moves, the plume of smoke extends through his squares up to a maximum of 200 feet. Every creature in the smoke-plume gains concealment.
Upon command or at the end of four rounds the user is instantly carried to the smokesting’s current location, igniting the smoke plume into a geyser of flame. Anyone caught in the fire-geyser takes 1d6 fire damage. The smoke-plume dissipates one round later.
A smokesting fire-geyser functions once per day.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, burning hands, dimension door, obscuring mist; [b]Cost[b] 5400 gp
No rush, I will probably not be back until round 3 is in and before voting :)
Well I entered within 3 days of the contest starting, might not of been the greatest idea, but I stand by my item regardless. Thanks for the comments in advance :)
Collar of Tricks
Aura Faint Transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot Neck; Price 2000 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
Not only do these black studded collar's protect against flea's; they adjust to fit the size of any animal companion or familiar, when donned the animal gains the use of a trick listed on page 97 of the Pathfinder Core Rulebook. Each collar must be imbued with its own trick, and only one collar can be worn on an animal companion at once. This extra trick does not apply to the number of tricks an animal companion or familiar can learn.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Charm Animal, Creator must have 1 rank in Handle Animal skill; Cost 1000 gp
I look forward to critiques. Hoping it'll help me with next year.
Marbles of Useful Distraction
Aura moderate conjuration, illusion, and evocation; CL 5th Slot --;
Price 27,500 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
These Marbles are usually found in a pouch or small box. Each Marble is filled with a multicolor swirling pattern. When looked upon at correct angle the swirling lines form a question mark. These marbles activate when thrown, either by hand or by sling. The marbles give no bonuses to combat, but when they land they activate one of the 5 following abilities of your choosing.
-Four magical lanterns start to slowly drift around with a base speed of 5 feet for 1 minute. This functions as per the dancing lights spell.
-A soft clamor followed by angry murmuring can be heard from the marbles location. This functions as per the ghost sounds spell and lasts 5 rounds
-A gentle fog starts to spread from the marble. This functions as per obscuring mist spell and lasts for 5 minutes.
-An aggressive fiendish dire rat appears. The fiendish dire rat disappears after 5 rounds.
-The marble resonates with your voice, allowing you to speak through it. This functions as per the ventriloquism spell and lasts for 5 minutes.
A newly crafted batch of Marbles of Useful Distraction consist of 50 marbles. Once a marble’s ability ends the glass marble cracks, rendering it worthless.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, summon monster I, obscuring mist, ventriloquism, dancing lights, ghost sounds; Cost 13,750 gp