Wow, this thing is getting huge!
I only hope Neil doesn't lose interest before he gets to the end of the fourth page! :p
Im sure you meant page 5!
Pretty please Neil with a cherry on top :D
Format, word count, high item price, and quotations in the description are a few of the problems I caught after reading through the forums. Any criticism or advice will be appreciated. Thanks.
The Ever Seeking Compass
Aura Strong Divination CL 11th
Slot none; Price 242,000 GP; Weight 1 lb.
This item appears to be a mundane steel compass. The needle of compass is not affixed to the magnetic poles of a planet but to a goal or destination of the current holder. When first picked up and when at rest the compass is always pointed to a certain location. The location has been rumored to be were a previous owner had died while being guided by the compass. Other rumors state that the compass is drawn to strong magical locations.
The compass is cued by material components placed onto it’s face and verbally specifying any variables to the inquiry. The compass will lead the owner to the closest matching target of the inquiry unless it has specific verbal inquiries are given; “where can I find a hoard of these?” as he lays a gold piece on the face of the compass. The compass would then take him to a large quantity of gold pieces no matter how dangerous it is to acquire. Alignment, hostility, contracts, and other specific inquiries are limited to a range of 120 feet. The compass can lead the holder to almost anything as long as he has an component he can remotely relate to the target. More specific the components more accurate of a detection. The compass also functions in very broad and narrow searches as the spells locate creature and locate object with a range of 840 feet. If the targets are outside of the related ranges, then a general direction will be given. The more information given, the more accurate the detection.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, find the path, locate creature, locate object, true seeing; Cost 121,000 GP
*
*
*
Okay, let's say that there is a place for this kind of concept...What spells do you use to construct it?
* You can't control flies with dominate animal (they're vermin), so that's a confusing reference.
These two quotes have raised a more general question for me: what do you do when you come up with an idea for a wondrous item, but there are no spells (or combination of spells) which do what your item does? I had thought that the answer was: "Find spells that fit reasonably well, then bend them to fit your purposes." But if your chosen spells have to fit exactly, I see that as being terribly limiting on creativity and more or less asking for SIAC. Or maybe you're allowed to bend spells in some ways, but not others; or perhaps its a matter of how much you bend them. Could we get some guidance on this?
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...what do you do when you come up with an idea for a wondrous item, but there are no spells (or combination of spells) which do what your item does? I had thought that the answer was: "Find spells that fit reasonably well, then bend them to fit your purposes." But if your chosen spells have to fit exactly, I see that as being terribly limiting on creativity and more or less asking for SIAC. Or maybe you're allowed to bend spells in some ways, but not others; or perhaps its a matter of how much you bend them. Could we get some guidance on this?
In this particular case, add Vermin Heart (I think that's the one?) as a feat requirement. That lets your mind-affecting spells be applied to vermin in addition to animals. There are ways to work around some of these issues. You just have to be diligent in exploring other rules to see what you can string together that provides a logical answer to your self-imposed puzzle. And, after you do all that and if there's still not a good explanation, maybe you should think about discarding that idea until an opportunity comes up to create a new spell or a new feat that will help you explain that type of wondrous item effect? Unfortunately, for RPG Superstar, you're constrained to using the existing rules, rather than creating entirely new ones to prop up your design. Once you make it into the world of freelancing, though, new doors become available to you.
Just entered my mind to say thankyou to all the judges who put up with us and give feedback on all the items in this thread.
Tbh, I can hardly believe you are really doing this. (Neil Spicer seems to be not sleeping at all...)
This is not something to be taken for granted, and this is what struck me the most. For all the snide comments and criticism that is known to have been heaped on the developers over various issues - they care so much for all the input from the gaming community. I am glad to see that there still are people who love what they're doing.
To all judges: Thanks a mill!! :D
Haunt-Clad Shroud
Intriguing name. Haunts are an actual effect in the game, so it'll be interesting to see how a shroud can allow someone to clad themselves in haunts. Eager to read on...
Aura strong necromancy [evil]; CL 17th
Slot chest; Price 18000 gp; Weight -
Aura and CL look appropriate for a soul bind item. Slot of "chest" could be applicable to a shroud, though some people seem more inclined to reach for "shoulders" to treat it like a cloak. But I'm okay with it. Item should have some weight to it. Even a cloak carries a weight of 1 lb. among the existing wondrous items. So, always double-check yourself on these things by comparing your physical item to things that already exist for additional guidance. Price needs a comma. Not sure if it's in the right price range yet.
Description
The spirits trapped within these foul rags thirst for fear. They impose their spectral bodies on any who attack the wearer without firm resolve. When worn the item grants a deflection bonus to AC equal to the wearer's Charisma modifier provided that the attacker is shaken.
This is an example of where less isn't more. You really needed to give us some descriptive text up front to more properly set the tone and build a mental image for your item in the reader's mind..."foul rags" just isn't evocative enough...and this is a place where you want to showcase your writing ability and creativity from a fluff perspective. Don't go crazy, obviously. But don't go small either.
This thing starts out talking about the spirits thirst for fear and that builds an expectation that this will be a fear-based item. But turns out, it's just a deflection bonus to AC...which is kind of odd. Normally, we see deflection bonuses in rings of protection...so this is a road that's kind of already been traveled. You're obviously trying to be different by making it a variable modifier based on the wearer's Charisma modifier...which is a bad design decision. That makes the item variable in effect and harder to price. Far better to have something that's consistent for all who wear it. Lastly, why does it provide a bonus against those who are shaken? What about the rest of the fear conditions that exist in the game? There are other escalating fear-related effects in the game that could also be considered to lack "firm resolve."
Lastly, you only used 72 words...and like, 24 of them are already provided by the template alone? Simplicity can be good sometimes, but only if you hammer down everything mechanically and the description is short and to the point. That's not what we're getting here. So you under-wrote this one.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, soul bind; Cost 9000 gp
Need a comma in your cost. Everything else is fine here, though I question the soul bind choice. I'm sure you envisioned that explaining the shroud's "spectral bodies"...but what you've really got here is an abjurative item...so your school choice for your aura (though accurate for soul bind) really should have been abjuration rather than necromancy. Your item doesn't actually bind anyone's soul...and it also doesn't make them fear you...it just exploits a previously existing fear condition on someone (i.e., shaken) to increase the wearer's deflection AC bonus...based on their Charisma modifier (which I still think is a mistake). So, all these issues raise flags with regards to your understanding of how to think through items and their effects...and to know which effects best explain or synergize with the idea behind your design.
Summary:
Cool, but misleading name (nothing really "haunt"-related about this thing)
Ill-conceived idea (an item that preys on someone's fear is an outside condition that dictates how it operates, rather than an effect generated by the item itself)
Poor mechanics (variable effect based on an ability score modifier, missed examining the whole fear condition chain)
Poorly-written (left way too many words on the table, not enough flavor introduced by the description of the item and its effects)
Mostly solid presentation and use of the template (but poor choices on some of the construction requirements and aura)
Haunt-Clad ShroudIntriguing name. Haunts are an actual effect in the game, so it'll be interesting to see how a shroud can allow someone to clad themselves in haunts. Eager to read on...
Aura strong necromancy [evil]; CL 17th
Slot chest; Price 18000 gp; Weight -Aura and CL look appropriate for a soul bind item. Slot of "chest" could be applicable to a shroud, though some people seem more inclined to reach for "shoulders" to treat it like a cloak. But I'm okay with it. Item should have some weight to it. Even a cloak carries a weight of 1 lb. among the existing wondrous items. So, always double-check yourself on these things by comparing your physical item to things that already exist for additional guidance. Price needs a comma. Not sure if it's in the right price range yet.
Description
The spirits trapped within these foul rags thirst for fear. They impose their spectral bodies on any who attack the wearer without firm resolve. When worn the item grants a deflection bonus to AC equal to the wearer's Charisma modifier provided that the attacker is shaken.This is an example of where less isn't more. You really needed to give us some descriptive text up front to more properly set the tone and build a mental image for your item in the reader's mind..."foul rags" just isn't evocative enough...and this is a place where you want to showcase your writing ability and creativity from a fluff perspective. Don't go crazy, obviously. But don't go small either.
This thing starts out talking about the spirits thirst for fear and that builds an expectation that this will be a fear-based item. But turns out, it's just a deflection bonus to AC...which is kind of odd. Normally, we see deflection bonuses in rings of protection...so this is a road that's kind of already been traveled. You're obviously trying to be different by making it a variable modifier...
Thanks Neil! The feedback is definitely appreciated.
My design thoughts: I omitted the other fear conditions (frightened and panicked) as opponents with that condition should not be able to attack you in the first place.
I actually liked idea of an outside condition affecting the item; pity the judges didn't like it. In my head the outside "shaken" condition is what draws the souls (actually bound souls) of the shroud forth and lets them act as deflecting forces.
I agree (now that I'm wiser) that Charisma was a poor choice. And that leaning on the side of brevity does not do much to help the item.
Thanks again :)
RPG Superstar 2015 Top 32
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8
aka SirGeshko
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I've spent the last couple of days looking for my entry, Gorum's Wrath to no avail. When the judges get time, I would appreciate their wisdom.
I have a feeling it was rejected as a SIAC, but I'd like to see if there was anything else I missed. Many thanks for the opportunity!
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 9th
Slot --; Price 36,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This lantern appears as a standard hooded lantern, and acts as such if lamp oil is used as fuel. However, the lantern’s true function is revealed when a special fuel composed of holy water and 25gp worth of powdered onyx (50gp for one flask of fuel, Craft: Alchemy DC 20 to create) is used instead of oil. Upon lighting this fuel, the lantern casts a ghostly flicker of violet light in a 30 foot radius. All creatures within this radius that are ethereal, incorporeal, or concealed through use of the shadow blend ability can be seen clearly and affected by spells and weapons from all corporeal sources as normal, whether magical or mundane, for as long as they remain within 30 feet of the holder of the lamp. These abilities are not suppressed, however, only concealment and the protection from corporeal sources of damage are denied. One flask of this special fuel will burn for 10 minutes. The lamp can be extinguished once it is lit, preserving fuel for multiple uses per day, but fuel must be burned in one minute intervals. No matter how many vials of special fuel are burned per day, only one vial will produce the magical effect of the lantern.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, plane shift, detect undead; Cost 18,000 gp
You know this post really helps me put into perspective the amount of contestants and great ideas you had to sift through during this contest. At first like anyone else I’m thinking mine is a shoe in win but after reading the many posts I see your contest is really getting some fantastic ideas.
I can appreciate now also all the hard work put into it as well considering you have to review all of these and pick out the minute details in order to find the heart of the idea which is being presented.
How is it going to be used?
What classes might use it, does it replace spells or is it a bathroom buddy utility cabinet everyone will want?
Then grammar, context, delivery and finally uses of mechanics and the table elements, all a lot to look at.
Guess what I’m saying is bravo and I appreciate you for what you do for us for free.
Thank you pathfinder and guest judges
Pen2paper
I omitted the other fear conditions (frightened and panicked) as opponents with that condition should not be able to attack you in the first place.
But, if you corner them, they'll still fight back. So, you've still got to think through that situation.
I actually liked idea of an outside condition affecting the item; pity the judges didn't like it.
I'm not speaking for the other judges. I'm just saying I didn't particularly like it. In some ways, such an item could be innovative. But relying on an outside condition just doesn't feel like the best mechanical decision to me...and especially for the idea one would pitch as their Superstar idea. It's an unnecessary risk and I think you could have gone a different direction with your core idea and avoided it.
In my head the outside "shaken" condition is what draws the souls (actually bound souls) of the shroud forth and lets them act as deflecting forces.
Yep. I picked up on that. But, if that's the case, why would the wearer's Charisma modifier have a role to play? It's the outside condition activating the bound souls, not the wearer's Charisma. If anything, the fearful guy's weak Charisma should affect the strength of the deflection bonus if you carry that theme through to its natural conclusion. A case could be made that the wearer's forceful sense of Charisma helps magnify the shroud's effect, but I just don't think that dovetails with the outside condition of the attacker's fear level. And besides, you're presumably going to have the shroud's owner using Intimidate and Dazzling Display to demoralize as many surrounding foes as possible just to get the deflection bonus. Thus, the Charisma of the wearer is already playing a role in that. This would be a double-dip in exercising that mechanic.
And, for everyone else...no, I'm not going to engage in this much back and forth with everyone. I just had some extra time this morning and wanted to respond on this particular item.
Now, on with the show!
Yep. I picked up on that. But, if that's the case, why would the wearer's Charisma modifier have a role to play? It's the outside condition activating the bound souls, not the wearer's Charisma. If anything, the fearful guy's weak Charisma should affect the strength of the deflection bonus if you carry that theme through to its natural conclusion. A case could be made that the wearer's forceful sense of Charisma helps magnify the shroud's effect, but I just don't think that dovetails with the outside condition of the attacker's fear level. And besides, you're presumably going to have the shroud's owner using Intimidate and Dazzling Display to demoralize as many surrounding foes as possible just to get the deflection bonus. Thus, the Charisma of the wearer is already playing a role in that. This would be a double-dip in exercising that mechanic.
Thanks again! This is more detail than I had hoped for. I hope you'll be a judge again next year. uhm... unless you feel like competing again, in which case no. :)
Contributor
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Star Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9
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Yep. I picked up on that. But, if that's the case, why would the wearer's Charisma modifier have a role to play? It's the outside condition activating the bound souls, not the wearer's Charisma. If anything, the fearful guy's weak Charisma should affect the strength of the deflection bonus if you carry that theme through to its natural conclusion. A case could be made that the wearer's forceful sense of Charisma helps magnify the shroud's effect, but I just don't think that dovetails with the outside condition of the attacker's fear level. And besides, you're presumably going to have the shroud's owner using Intimidate and Dazzling Display to demoralize as many surrounding foes as possible just to get the deflection bonus. Thus, the Charisma of the wearer is already playing a role in that. This would be a double-dip in exercising that mechanic.
Thanks again! This is more detail than I had hoped for. I hope you'll be a judge again next year. uhm... unless you feel like competing again, in which case no. :)
Luckily for those of us who want to try next year and beyond, Mr. Spicer is precluded from future Superstar competitions. :)
THIRD EYE
I very nearly named my item that. ;)
Prise de fer Plastron
Really bad decision on the name. Yes, it's a term straight out of the fencing/dueling terminology, but anyone who's unfamiliar with the French term for what amounts to a dueling vest is going to be left in the dark. It's just not a good idea to name your Superstar item submission something like this. In fact, you'd have been better served to just call it a dueling vest and leave it at that.
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 7th
Slot chest; Price 4,700 gp (+1), 10,500 gp (+2), 18,800 gp (+3), 29,500 gp (+4), 42,350 gp (+5); Weight 2 lbs.
Aura and CL seem about right for greater magic weapon and mnemonic enhancer. Slot and weight look appropriate for a vest. Price is a hard thing to figure because of the sheer amount of weapon properties this thing can potentially move around. But, it was smart design to limit the vest with the same weapon special property rules. Still, this is one of those multi-items that give the judges pause as they have to consider if everything is properly balanced and priced. You're not making our job any easier to crunch this thing while dealing with hundreds of submissions. But that's neither here nor there. We take on all items as best we can.
Description
This soft leather duelist garment may be worn under armor or without it. After determining damage from an attacker's magical melee weapon, the wearer may activate the plastron as an immediate action. If the wearer is wielding a magical melee weapon, any special abilities on it are replaced by the special abilities of the striking weapon based on the type of prise de fer plastron worn. This effect lasts for 5 rounds. Weapon special ability rules still apply. Example: A bard wielding a +1 keen rapier and wearing a +2 prise de fer plastron struck by a +2 merciful disruption flaming burst mace may choose between a +1 merciful rapier or a +1 flaming burst rapier. She cannot utilize the disruption special ability. If the wearer is wielding two magical melee weapons or a magical double weapon, she may choose which one weapon or end to change. This ability functions three times per day and cannot be reactivated until a previous duration ends.
Some weird formatting occurred with your submission, probably due to copy and pasting from a word processor straight into the text editor. For future reference (and those following along at home), a better trick is to take your item's text from MS Word or Open Office and either save it as rich-text and work on it in that form...or just jump it straight into Notepad or Wordpad. That way, when you eventually copy and paste it into the text editor of the submission tool, it properly carries over carriage returns, tabs, indents, and various spacing issues.
So, setting aside the stylistic presentation pitfalls, let's talk about mechanics. First and foremost, we saw a lot of items playing around with weapon special properties this year. Most of them involved stacking, which brings a whole host of exponential and game-balance concerns. Kudos to you, however, for sidestepping that issue with your design. By making it so that the vest still abides by all the same weapon special property rules and limiting which ones the vest can duplicate was a good move.
However, this starts getting really complicated, really fast. You have to track all these different weapon properties and which weapon gets assigned what power. You can borrow some stuff. You can't borrow other stuff. The bonus on the vest has to equal (or exceed?) the weapon property it's going to duplicate. I can see the whole game bogging down as a GM has to consult the weapon properties table to determine which effects can be duplicated and which can't. So, you're making the GM's job harder with this item. And that's a potential pitfall. It also lets you add these weapon properties to your own items automatically, 3 times/day, for 5 rounds of each usage. That's a pretty powerful game changer. So, I've still got some game-balance concerns as I ponder this one. And the overall idea comes off feeling more like something a power-gamer would thoroughly abuse if they got their hands on it.
Construction
Requirements Craft Arms and Armor, Craft Wondrous Item, greater magic weapon, mnemonic enhancer; [/b]Cost[/b] 2,350 gp (+1), 5,250 gp (+2), 9,400 gp (+3), 14,750 gp (+4), 21,175 gp (+5)
Very appropriate stuff here. Inclusion of the Craft Arms and Armor feat is obviously needed. The spell choices make sense. At first, I was put off by the mnemonic enhancer, but recognized it was for the recall aspect to serve as a transference medium to move weapon properties around. Smart.
Summary:
Really bad name choice (despite the real-world applicability of it)
Potentially interesting idea (an item that duplicates stuff once you're hit with it)
Okay mechanics (you obviously put a lot of effort into this...moreso than several others who explored this area of the rules)
Well-written (though the item is so complicated that it necessitates an instream example to explain it...and, while necessary, makes this a less optimum choice to present as your pitch for RPG Superstar)
Perfect presentation (you've got profession polish and know how to present your ideas very well)
Advice:
You're really not all that far off on making it. I'd come back strong next year if I were you. Make sure you choose a more sensible, evocative name. Think through all the potential for abuse in your item and the workload it'll impose on the GM so you can minimize it. Maintain your attention to detail (because it's already top-notch) and keep looking for interesting ideas with solid mechanics behind them.
Luckily for those of us who want to try next year and beyond, Mr. Spicer is precluded from future Superstar competitions. :)Thanks again! This is more detail than I had hoped for. I hope you'll be a judge again next year. uhm... unless you feel like competing again, in which case no. :)
For now... ;-P
Candle of Detection
Aura: Moderate Divination CL: 6th
Slot: none; Price: 3,500 gp; Weight: ½ lbs
Description:
The Candle of Detection is 4 inches tall when created. When its lighted and a body part like a lock of hair, bit of claw or nail etc. of a creature is burned in its flame the Candle of Detection is attached to the creature to whom the body part belongs. The flame then points into the direction of the creature, but it is a flickering flame and wind does easily mess with the result, as can mislead and nondetection, but not polymorph. A strong gale can extinguish the flame, but the candle can be relighted normally.
In addition to pointing at the creature, the candle also shrinks with the health of the creature, if the creature is at roughly half its hitpoints the candle is only roughly 2 inches tall also. Should the creature heal itself the candle doesn't regrow, it stays at its level until the creature is less healthy then before. The candle burns with a normal light, but a sick attached creature let it burn green, an undead let it burn black and other colors have also been reported.
Has the candle not shrunken it is possible to reattach it to another creature, but once the shrinking process has started the candle stays attaches to the creature. An extinguished candle attached to a dead creature does melt away immediatly after being lighted or relighted.
Construction:
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, locate creature, status; Cost: 1,750 gp
THIRD EYEI very nearly named my item that. ;)
I created an item that has that exact same name that i didnt submit, it is a blind/not blind item....lol
EDIT: Be as harsh as you may possibly be, i don't mind ^^.
Brace yourself. Because I'm about to do exactly that.
Laurel of Magnificence
Uninspired name. Yes, I can envision a laurel wreath around someone's head. But calling it a laurel of magnificence is not all that much more inspiring than a headband of alluring charisma. Kind of bland. Utilitarian, of course, as there's obviously a place for the headband items, but I don't think this name fits what your item does very well.
Aura Faint Enchantment(Copper) or Moderate Enchantment(Silver, Gold); CL 5th Slot Head; Price 5700gp(Copper), 10400gp(Silver), 17100gp (Gold); Weight —
Another multi-item. A lot of folks made a try for these this year. I'm not sure why. It kind of dilutes the potency and clarity of your presentation to have to spend words explaining the differences presented by each one. And, from the outside looking in, it kind of comes off as a designer who's unsure of themselves (because they haven't laser-focused in on one thing) or hoping to score extra credit (because they're demonstrating they can take on something with a higher degree of difficulty). I'm not sure what your individual motivation was behind this item. I'm just saying that's where my mind goes a judge when I'm considering that this was your personal choice for what you wanted to offer up as your quintessential Superstar item. It's a bold move, regardless.
Some stylistic concerns here. Auras should be lowercase...same for slot and even the metallic names in your pricing. Capitalization usually only comes in for the heading tags (like, "Aura") and feat/skill/save names in your descriptive text and construction requirements. So, you need to break this habit of capitalizing non-game terms.
Your aura school choice is appropriate for a heroism effect, but that actual spell choice is misplaced. Almost none of the mechanics for your various stances are related to what heroism does. If anything, many of the combat-related effects you've described would correspond more to insight bonuses, which would be reflected more in the school of divination than enchantment.
Your CL is appropriate for an item built on heroism, but I still think that's misplaced for what this item does.
You've got issues with presentation in your pricing. Always put a space between the numerical value and "gp" and include commas with your values, too.
Weight seems appropriate for a crown of leaves.
Description
This crown of delicate, shining leaves emits a warm and lucid light, granting a triumphant aura to its wearer. The most common laurels are made from thin copper, or pure silver, although laurels of gold leaves are not unheard of.
Some good initial descriptive text, but the warm and lucid light needs a mechanical definition. That's a game term, so we need to if shines with light equivalent to a torch or a candle. That last statement is poorly worded and relies on the passive verb "are" too much. You need to work on your writing skills.
Tales of champions wearing the golden laurel with pride are exchanged in admiration by warriors and knights alike.
This is a throwaway statement. It adds nothing to the item's flavor or mechanical description. It smacks of backstory that shouldn't be explored.
Once(Copper), Twice(Silver), or Thrice(Gold) per day as a free action, after a successfully performed combat maneuver you may choose to take one of three fighting stances to perform a champion's maneuvers.
Again, awkward writing here. Once, twice, thrice is not a good way to present your information. And again, you've got spacing issues here. I can't tell if you were stringing together "Once(Copper)" to make it appear (and count) as one word instead of two...or if you just really didn't realize that a space needs to come between a word and a parenthetical add-on.
Tactical Champion: While you are in this stance, you may ignore a target's cover, full defense and size bonuses to AC and CMD (if any).
Countering Champion: While you are in this stance, any opponent you threaten who takes any sort of movement, including a 5-foot step, provokes an attack of opportunity from you. Furthermore, any opponent you strike cannot make attacks of opportunity for a round.
Overwhelming Champion: While you are in this stance, you don't provoke attacks of opportunity when performing a combat maneuver, once per round you may attempt a disarm instantly after a successful melee attack, you may use any weapons while grappled and you can make a full attack at the end of a charge instead of a single attack.
Some really broken mechanical choices here. Granting all of these abilities is especially difficult to price. These abilities are far too potent and open to abuse. Maybe you thought you were bending rules in a good way, but this comes across more like you bent them to the breaking point. This also smacks of SAK syndrome. You're creating a power-gamer's dream item. And that's not a good thing.
You can't select the same stance more than once per day, and taking a stance while you are in another stance will automatically cancel the previous one. Each stance has a duration of 3 rounds
Looks like you left off a period on that last statement. This leaves me feeling the presentation is way too sloppy. I'm not left feeling you could be trusted with a professional turnover. Also, tracking all these stances and which ones got used when isn't a good design choice. You're making everyone's job harder in tracking this item's use in a game.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Heroism; Cost 2850gp (Copper), 5700gp (Silver), 8550gp (Gold);
No need to end on a semi-colon with your last cost. Your spell requirement should be lowercase and italicized. Your cost needs a space between the value and "gp" and you missed your commas again. Very sloppy presentation. A simple look at an existing wondrous item in the rulebook would have shown you exactly how you should present your information. The fact that you didn't do so leaves the impression that you didn't do your homework. That marks you as a lazy designer in the eyes of the judges and definitely not someone they'd even put in the Keep pile, much less give a shot at the Top 32.
Summary:
Weak name
Ill-formed, unfocused idea (this thing is all over the place)
Broken mechanics (game-breaking abuse potential)
Poor writing (really need to work on improving here)
Flawed presentation (gotta do your homework)
Advice:
You're not ready yet. Not even close. You need to spend more time learning and understanding the rules and the balance within them. And you really need to work on your writing and presentation. Take some time off to substantially improve yourself in those areas. Do...your...homework.
Thanks a lot, sir.
I didn't actually had a special intention with the multi-ranking of this item, i just have a liking to these kind of items, and i thought it would be kind of cool.
Saving words was not my intention either, i think i had quite a lot of words left anyways, whatever spacing, or comma mistake my item has were actually mistakes, as i am not as skilled an English writer as i wish i was.
Yup, is almost a if you are reading my mind at some parts of your critique, i did actually think i was bending the rules in a good way, working on something that wasn't touched during the previous contests (I did not see any CMB item in any of the previous year when i did my research), and bending the rules in a way (which i obviously did no manage as i should), were the two things that made me make this item.
Thanks a lot for your advice, i will try to improve myself in the mentioned areas, i hope you are judge next year too, or even if you are not you are around here to critique my item, and tell me if i am getting better or not.
Finally, i would not like adding to your work, but i would really appreciate it, if you could tell me a way to improve my writing, as i am afraid that is the area i need to improve first.
Thanks a lot for your hard work ^^.
Finally, i would not like adding to your work, but i would really appreciate it, if you could tell me a way to improve my writing, as i am afraid that is the area i need to improve first.
First and foremost...read. That's the fastest way to start educating yourself on sentence structure and word flow. The more you read, the more you'll recognize and emulate what you've read.
Secondly...mimic. When in doubt on something, go read the rulebook to see how something is worded and presented that might be similar to your design. Check out the more flavorful Top 32 items to see how their description flows. Not all of them are worthy of mimicking, though. So recognize the good writing from the "probably shouldn't copy the way this was done" items.
Next...workshop. Find a support group. Join a writer's group. Workshop with folks here on the boards throughout the year before the next competition comes around. They'll help you understand how things could be phrased or worded differently.
Lastly...WRITE. Honestly. Hone your craft. Good writers write. So keep writing. Even if it's just messageboard posts...because the good Lord knows I've done my share of practicing here. ;-)
My two (err...four?) cents,
--Neil
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Thanks a lot, sir.
I didn't actually had a special intention with the multi-ranking of this item, i just have a liking to these kind of items, and i thought it would be kind of cool.
Saving words was not my intention either, i think i had quite a lot of words left anyways, whatever spacing, or comma mistake my item has were actually mistakes, as i am not as skilled an English writer as i wish i was.
Yup, is almost a if you are reading my mind at some parts of your critique, i did actually think i was bending the rules in a good way, working on something that wasn't touched during the previous contests (I did not see any CMB item in any of the previous year when i did my research), and bending the rules in a way (which i obviously did no manage as i should), were the two things that made me make this item.
Thanks a lot for your advice, i will try to improve myself in the mentioned areas, i hope you are judge next year too, or even if you are not you are around here to critique my item, and tell me if i am getting better or not.
Finally, i would not like adding to your work, but i would really appreciate it, if you could tell me a way to improve my writing, as i am afraid that is the area i need to improve first.
Thanks a lot for your hard work ^^.
I'd just like to say "kudos" to Gio for displaying the good grace to be receptive to this critique and take criticism constructively. It's not always easy and not only did he do that, he also shows a sincere desire to build on that feedback. I'm not overtstaing it when I say this sort of response actually inspires me.
That said, Gio, a quick web search turned up THIS WEBSITE that might be a jumping off point for you to find resources to improve your writing.
As a former writing tutor I would also recommend that if you attend a university or live near one, try to find out if there is a Writing Center available for you to use. One of the best ways to improve your writing is to get direct feedback from an audience. "Writers need readers" was the motto of the one I worked at. If you can't get into a writing center, see if any writer's workshops or other groups of that nature are available in your community. You can improve your grammar and editing -- your technical skills -- using books and tutorials, but the best way to learn to improve the quality of your writing is to get good honest feedback from actual readers of your work, just as Neil has provided here.
I already posted my item review request in this thread, Diadem of the Waking Dream. I'm not looking to jump the line or anything, just saw another poster that made me think.
If Neil happens to be the one to review my item, please feel free to be as brutally honest with the comments as possible. I would ask this of any judge of course but just in case I receive the full breakdown that Neil has been providing.
"Knowing is half the battle" after all. ;-)
So keep writing. Even if it's just messageboard posts...
My two (err...four?) cents,
--Neil
By my count, that's 166 words. At 98 cents a word, that's your 16,268 cents worth.
I wanted to emphasize practicing everywhere, like message board posts. It is easy to drop an apostrophe here and there and not think much of it because it’s a post and everyone knows what you mean, but it is more about making yourself think about the right way of doing things. Even if you’re replying to a text message, take the moment to type "Thank you." instead of "thx".
As Neil so generously pointed out, it is no accident that a prior Superstar winner and ongoing contributor to Paizo has long, eloquent and grammatically correct posts.
This platinum coin bears an engraving of balanced scales crossed by a feather quill. Both its faces are identical - down to the smallest nicks and scratches. This coin offers an exchange both eminently fair and inescapably perilous; it can purchase things no mere currency can, and exact payment more dear than gold.The coin is used by giving it to another, in gift or trade. The giver may activate the coin to make a demand of the receiver (as the spell; Will DC 22 partially negates). Once the demand effect ends (or is negated), a whispered voice echoes through the receiver's mind, repeating the words of the giver's demand and compelling him (as a suggestion) to set them in writing, in his own hand and on whatever surface he chooses (no save; 15 hour duration).
If the receiver fulfills this suggestion, then in the following week he may issue a demand of his own to the giver (as the spell; Will DC 22 partially negates) by writing its words beneath his transcription of the giver's demand.
I really like this item - like, so much that I'm thinking about using it in a home campaign I'm running. But maybe I'm just missing something - what is up with the partially negates? There's no save for the suggestion, so what is the partially negates for the demand?
Lastly...WRITE. Honestly. Hone your craft. Good writers write. So keep writing. Even if it's just messageboard posts...because the good Lord knows I've done my share of practicing here. ;-)
My two (err...four?) cents,
--Neil
Not that I am a hugely successful writer, but +10 to Neil's last point. Write, write, write.
Reading Stephen King’s On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft was very helpful to me. Among other things, it is about his approach to writing as well as the mechanics of written language. In this book he references Strunk & White’s The Elements of Style. This book is some of the most dry reading you will ever do, but it can help you learn how to use the written word better. In the end, writing is like anything else. The more you practice the better you become.
I'd like to know what the judges thought of my item; even copy-paste of harsh critique would be valuable to me.
Bully Torc
Aura strong enchantment; CL 5th
Slot neck; Price 3,500 gp; Weight 1 lb.
DESCRIPTION
This twist of thick iron wire clamps tightly around the wearer’s throat. The bully torc’s wearer exudes a menacing aura that is hard to forget. With each successful use of the Intimidate skill, the wearer forces an opponent to act friendly to him for 1d6 hours rather than 1d6 x 10 minutes.
In addition, the bully torc allows the wearer to draw on his raw hatred when making melee attacks. Three times per day, the wearer may focus his aggression as a swift action to gain a +2 bonus on melee damage rolls for 1 round. Each time the wearer misses with a melee attack during this round of focused aggression, his wrath is amplified, increasing the damage bonus by +2 for the remainder of that round.
If the wearer becomes frightened or panicked, the bully torc loses its powers for 24 hours.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, rage; Cost 1,750 gp
Tome of Deadly Pranks
Aura strong evocation; CL 17th
Slot - ; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
This book looks exactly like a tome of understanding yet hides a powerful curse. Whenever the book is read, roll 1d10 on the following table to determine the result.
- 1 - Every time the reader speaks the word, "Help," in any language, she slips and falls prone.
- 2 - The next item the reader touches shrinks as per the shrink item spell, except that the duration is permanent and the reader cannot expand the item.
- 3 - The next member of the opposite sex the reader speaks to explodes, as if that person had just read explosive runes.
- 4 - The reader can only verbally communicate in chicken clucks. He can still understand any languages he knows.
- 5 - The reader’s weight doubles, causing him to take a -2 penalty to Strength and Dexterity.
- 6 - The reader, along with all her gear, is instantly transported to the nearest occupied bedroom.
- 7 - The reader is polymorphed into a sheep.
- 8 - Whenever the reader draws a weapon, that weapon shouts an embarrassing fact about that character's childhood.
- 9 - A army of goblins declares war on the reader. This army is always within 20 miles of the party, and consists of any combination of gobliniods that add up to the party’s ECL +2. The army tracks the party consistently and aggressively, yet non-magically.
- 10 - Roll twice and keep both results.
All effects are permanent unless removed with a successful remove curse spell. Although Tomes of Deadly Pranks are created by error, many more are created by insidious Arcane Tricksters.
Construction
Magic Items any book or tome.Items like this made me mad as a judge.
Why even enter with crap like this? This is not a serious item, its a joke. And not even a good one. Just pure lameness.
As a judge, you spend countless hours of your free time reading these entries and critiquing...
Sorry this is coming way late in the post stream, but thank you for your honest critique of my item; that's why I posted it here.
I did not mean to make you, or anyone else (seems a lot of folks really hated my item) angry. This is simply the kind of item I enjoy making. I admit, I did not read the advice before submitting, I just found no rule against this item in the official rules and thought it would be fun. I'm rather new to this community, but certainly a little more research on my part before submission would have helped.
That being said, while this item is obviously not right for Superstar, I still really like it, as do my players, so maybe some of this is just a difference in play style?
In response to another poster who asked if this was a joke item, yes and no. Yes, this item is meant to generate humor at the table (although I understand and respect that everyone here does not share my sense of it), but no, this item was not tossed off deliberately to make fun of this contest or debase anyone else involved in any way. The item may be a "joke," but the submission was serious, despite how others might view it.
Anyway, thanks to everyone who critiqued my item, I appreciate the time you took out of your lives to share your thoughts.
Finally, i would not like adding to your work, but i would really appreciate it, if you could tell me a way to improve my writing, as i am afraid that is the area i need to improve first.
My two, er, three cents. The following are bits of advice that helped me improve my writing, and has helped my students improve their writing. (I make no claims to be a great writer, but I am absolutely a better writer than I used to be.)
1. Write. Every day. Write at least something, whether it's a page, a paragraph, or even just a few sentences. As you get into the habit of it, you'll get faster at it. The important thing is to generate content for step 2.
2. Learn to be a good editor. The skill that is most useful here is to be able to anticipate how a reader will interpret what you've written. You have to be able to evaluate whether every sentence, and even every word is achieving its purpose. It's not as easy as it sounds. When you've written a sentence, you know what the intended meaning is, and it's easy to fool yourself into believing that your sentences achieve their goals. Take a step back and approach your writing with fresh eyes or ask someone else to read it for you to give you that perspective. The second important skill is to learn to cut your writing and be efficient. It's easier to see what important points you may have left out or not clearly explained when your writing is not too wordy.
A useful exercise for steps 1 and 2 is to write a paragraph (about anything), with a length limit of say 500 words. Then take the same paragraph and cut it in half (250 words), without leaving out any crucial information. That will force you to consider every sentence and every word, and make sure that you're maximizing the impact of each one. It's hard to do but worth the effort. Frequently, you may find that you've left out some important information, and cutting can result in text that's longer but clearer. This is ok, even if you still need to cut elsewhere to get under the word limit.
3. Find a useful style guide for reference. The problem with most style guides is that they tell you what they (the particular author/s) believe a good writer *should* do. Frequently this bears no resemblance to what good writers *actually* do. Ignore these prescriptive rules (don't use passive; don't split infinitives; don't use adverbs; etc.). Good writers do all of these things, but do them well. You won't learn to do them well if you focus your efforts on trying to avoid them. Strunk and White's Elements of Style is the worst offender in this regard. Honestly, it is about the only book I would consider burning, except that it's small and wouldn't give much heat. It's *that* useless. The best style guide I've found is Joseph Williams' Style: Toward Clarity and Grace. Give it a shot.
One last thing - It's easy to believe that step one is about 90% of the work in finishing a project. Once you've got the content, all you have to do is polish it and you're done. What I've found is that generating the initial content (I mean the initial draft of the writing, not the creative spark of an idea) is actually about 10% of the work; editing and polishing are the other 90%. If you're on a deadline, start early and leave enough time to edit.
/hope I haven't blathered too much, and that this will be useful!
I would greatly enjoy Mr. Spicer's detailed blow by blow look at my item. It is Cloak of the Coward, listed a few pages back by now, I am sure.
I would greatly enjoy Mr. Spicer's detailed blow by blow look at my item. It is Cloak of the Coward, listed a few pages back by now, I am sure.
I am equally interested in a breakdown of my Serpentine Mantle, though I don't wanna bog down this thread with too much "HEY WHEN'RE YA GETTING TO MY ITEM??!??!" posts.
I realize my concise "All feedback appreciated" header may have sounded underenthusiastic when I posted it, though, so I want to reiterate: I'm a big boy. I dish out harsh criticism on the Top 32 (I also manage and edit freelancer material for a living in a different field of publishing), and I have no problem accepting harsh criticism as well - that's the only way I will get better.
And I do want to get better. To win, if at all possible!
Plus, if exposing pitfalls in my item helps out other contestants as well as helping me, that's good for the whole community.
RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32
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Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9
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I would greatly enjoy Mr. Spicer's detailed blow by blow look at my item. It is Cloak of the Coward, listed a few pages back by now, I am sure.
They prolly busy viewing the submitted archetypes.
I would greatly enjoy Mr. Spicer's detailed blow by blow look at my item. It is Cloak of the Coward, listed a few pages back by now, I am sure.They prolly busy viewing the submitted archetypes.
mmm..Good point.
I would greatly enjoy Mr. Spicer's detailed blow by blow look at my item. It is Cloak of the Coward, listed a few pages back by now, I am sure.
It looks like he's working his way through all of them... it's just that he's still on the 1st page of 11 because he writes a phone book for each one.
Which I think is awesome, for the record.
I for one, am looking forward to the comments on my item. Without them, how am I to know what I did wrong and learn to correct them for my submissions next year.
Please for the love of god, dont stop until you've done mine, ok..... :) .....lolI actually want to address this for a moment, vikking. Because I think a lot of people make the mistake of waiting for their individual item to get reviewed to better understand where they went wrong. That's actually not the best use of your time, because all you're really going to receive is information about what you did wrong in that one design. And, I suppose if you were going to go back and recraft it, that might be useful. But, what you really need to be doing is reviewing all of this feedback, advice, and commentary on everyone's designs. By filing away those lessons, you'll improve yourself far more than a critique of your single item.
Thus, the answer to your question about "How am I to know what I did wrong and learn to correct them for my submissions next year?" is actually self-education. You need to absorb every lesson you can find in every critique that's posted. And you need to move past your current item anyway.
Just my two cents,
--Neil
Dear Mr. Spicer,
I admire your sadistic streak, saying that people should figure out for themselves if they made it into the keep folder (however temporarily) based on the posts judges have made to earlier posters on this thread...Yours,
Ask A RPGSupersuccubus.
Edit:
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Serpentine Mantle
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9
Slot chest; Price 50,000 gp; Weight 40 lbs.
Description
Attached to each end of this 15-foot length of tarnished chain is a hinged iron vise lined with sharp teeth and shaped to resemble a monstrous reptilian or perciform skull. The chain is magically animated; when draped over the shoulders, it wraps around the wearer's torso, and the vises float ominously near the wearer's forearms. The wearer's speed is reduced as if he were wearing chainmail, and he incurs an arcane spell failure chance of 30%. These penalties are not cumulative with any other such penalties from any armor worn, though they do supersede penalties bestowed by armor with a lesser arcane spell failure chance or speed penalty.
In combat, the vises threaten the area around the wearer with a reach of 5 feet. Once per round, if a creature moves through a threatened area within the vises' reach, each vise may make a melee attack at a +9 bonus, dealing 1d4+4 damage each and latching onto the targeted creature for one round. If hit while moving, the target may still move up to its speed, but must remain adjacent to the wearer of the mantle for the remainder of the round.
For each successful vise hit, the wearer of the serpentine mantle gains a +3 bonus to his CMB rolls against the affected target for one round when attempting to use any of the following combat maneuvers: dirty trick, disarm, drag, grapple, reposition, or trip.
The targeted creature can break free of the vises by making a DC 19 CMB or Escape Artist check; breaking free counts as a standard action which does not provoke an attack of opportunity.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, animate rope, hold monster; Cost 25,000 gp
I'm no Neil. But I will give my two cents.
I think the use of the word vise is a little off setting. I'm sure they have vises in D&D, but the image for me brings to mind the old shop vise with a turning handle. I would have chose another word, like metal hinged jaws or something.
I wouldn't have worried about a speed penalty, the concept you presented seems wonky. I would have just done something along the lines of "adds 10% to arcane spell failure chance"
And since the chain wrapped around the torso adds no armor benefit, I wouldn't worry about a speed penalty. And I would actually drop that aspect all together, otherwise you get players going "Dont I get an AC bonus for the chain being over my leather armor?" I know you were going for effect, but when you add something you have to consider what questions will be raised.
I wouldnt have said "latches onto". Just say that they automatically grapple the target. Also, both vises get to attack and latch? Wouldn't that be awkward for the owner? If the target is to his left then they both fly over there and latch on. Wouldn't that restrict the owner's movement? If not and he moves 10' away, is the chain an obstacle for other combatant's? And what if the grappled person ran around the wearer? Could he choke him with the chains? These are questions people would ask.
And if you just said that the target is grappled, then you wouldn't need the last line and save yourself some wordage. They would just follow the grapple rules in the core book to escape.
I would use hold person as well as hold monster for requirements (all of which should be italicized).
Just my few cents worth.
Zalindi’s Minute Wardrobe
Aura: faint enchantment (charm), abjuration, and conjuration
CL: 3rd
Slot: none Weight: 1 pound
Price: 12,500 gp
Description
The wizard Zalindi was well known for both his minor skills at thievery and his ability to blend into any social situation. He was also known to be prepared when those social situations turned foul. To this end he created Zalindi’s Minute Wardrobe.
This item appears as a small highly detailed wardrobe, sized approximately for a doll house. Upon close examination, the user can find the hidden clasp which opens the wardrobe to reveal several miniature outfits. A fully stocked Minute Wardrobe contains one each of a lower class, merchant class, and noble and royal outfit, as well as one set of cold weather gear, and one set of hot weather gear. Upon removing the outfit, it grows to fit the possessor perfectly. Only one outfit may be removed at a time, and removal of a second outfit returns the first to the wardrobe instantaneously.
The lower class, merchant class, and noble and royal outfits grant the wearer a +5 competence bonus to diplomacy rolls involving social situations with that class. The cold and hot weather gear grant a +5 competence bonus to endurance checks to resist those environments.
Construction:
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, resist energy, charm person. Cost: 6,250 gp
There are ways to work around some of these issues. You just have to be diligent in exploring other rules to see what you can string together that provides a logical answer to your self-imposed puzzle. And, after you do all that and if there's still not a good explanation, maybe you should think about discarding that idea until an opportunity comes up to create a new spell or a new feat that will help you explain that type of wondrous item effect? Unfortunately, for RPG Superstar, you're constrained to using the existing rules, rather than creating entirely new ones to prop up your design. Once you make it into the world of freelancing, though, new doors become available to you.
Thank you. While I accept this policy and understand the (very good reasons) behind it, I still can't help but feel that it pushes everything in the direction of SIAC. Then again, people are obviously able to overcome that influence, so I guess one could view it as just another design challenge to help stratify the contestants.
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** spoiler omitted **
I'm no Neil. But I will give my two cents.
I think the use of the word vise is a little off setting. I'm sure they have vises in D&D, but...
I had a HUGE analysis of this item almost done, and then I forgot about it and closed the window. I was very relieved to find this analysis, which is very similar to what I wrote.
In addition, three points:
1) This seems to me to be more of a weapon than it is a wondrous item.
2) I'm not sure the attack should have a set bonus (+9). The attack should scale according to the BaB of the wearer, is how I'd do it. You don't want an item that's really powerful if some low-level party gets ahold of it, and then really worthless if a high-level party obtains it.
3) The name, I don't love it. Actually, I do love it, it just describes something else. I understand where you were coming from with it, but I think "coat of snakes" and what I get is "animated chain with jaws on either end". A jarring discrepancy.
Oh, make that four things...
4) I think it's seriously overweight. 10' of chain is 2 lbs. 15' of chain is, ostensibly, 3 lbs. The two clamp things weigh 18.5 pounds apiece? This thing is really, REALLY heavy. On par with carting around a military saddle all day. Oof.
Cool concept, though. Tighten up the mechanics, rename it, and I think you've got something.
Snipped thorough, thoughtful analysis
Thanks to both you and Lachlan for the feedback. I will definitely take it to heart.
The wonky tip of the hat to armor penalties was something I realized was probably a bad idea after submitting the item. My gaming group plays hard and fast with encumbrance rules - at best, we find in-game workarounds for them, and at worst, they are ignored altogether (and I suspect we're not alone in this). I thought my approach would be a good way of resolving it quickly at the table for like-minded gamers, but I didn't take into account that encumbrance rules actually impose these penalties anyway.
Scaling the attack bonus with the BAB is an excellent idea - I know that the lion's shield is a good example of an item which already functions in that manner.
Again, thank you both for the input!
Chief Technical Officer
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Okay, let's say that there is a place for this kind of concept...What spells do you use to construct it?These two quotes have raised a more general question for me: what do you do when you come up with an idea for a wondrous item, but there are no spells (or combination of spells) which do what your item does? I had thought that the answer was: "Find spells that fit reasonably well, then bend them to fit your purposes." But if your chosen spells have to fit exactly, I see that as being terribly limiting on creativity and more or less asking for SIAC. Or maybe you're allowed to bend spells in some ways, but not others; or perhaps its a matter of how much you bend them. Could we get some guidance on this?
* You can't control flies with dominate animal (they're vermin), so that's a confusing reference.
Speaking generally, I'm with you on the "find ones that fit reasonably well." (Just keep in mind that "reasonable" is a subjective term.)
In the case of the specific item I was talking about, I was just pointing out that it has ten effects, all of which are completely different, and not, say, variations on a teleport theme. You'd have to use at *least* a dozen completely unrelated spells here. (I think the Rod of Wonder just using confusion is a total cop-out, and a sign that it's really not a very well-designed item.)
I am ever eager to acquire critique old and new from the judges on my entry. Being familiar with the considerable time and effort invested in providing such editorial insight, I would be remiss not to take this excellent opportunity. Thank you all.
Gallowsrope of Sacrificial Wisdom
Aura moderate divination; CL 12th
Slot neck; Price 12,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
Woven with the gnarled white locks of witches and black bristles of wolves, this 9 foot runic rope ends in a cruel noose. The wearer may as a swift action determine one of five things about any target he can sense: name, whether alignment has a neutral component, strongest necromancy aura on the target, primary profession, and whether/where the target has died.
When the command word is uttered, the gallowsrope uncoils and rises into the air as if affixed at its upper end, hanging its wearer. While the wearer is hanging, the gallowsrope may be climbed, though it may not be moved, except by a weight exceeding 16,000 pounds. The wearer is wracked by nightmarish visions and suffocation he becomes nauseated, and takes 3d6 points of nonlethal damage every round.
While hanging, the wearer may retry any previously failed Knowledge, Wisdom, or Intelligence check, with a +5 insight bonus added to the check. Only one new attempt may be made for each previously failed topic. When a hung wearer becomes unconscious the gallowsrope gently lowers him to the nearest surface, and re-coils around his neck.
Upon awakening, the wearer is haunted by the ceremonial whispers of the patrons of the dark wells of knowledge that lay beyond life and death; he makes a Will save (DC 20). Success indicates the wearer, can speak with dead, as the spell, though each round thus spent deals him 1d6 bleed damage; failure results in him being unable to speak, as though affected by a silence spell (CL 12th) for that period. This effect lasts 4 hours.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, rope trick, speak with dead, trained in Sense Motive; Cost 6000 gp.
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Chief Technical Officer
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Hey Vic, or any judges who may happen to pop by:
Do you think we will see any more comments on remaining items? Or do you think it's all done, now that Round 2 has started?
I suspect that more comments will continue to flow over the coming weeks, whenever folks have time and inclination.
Asmodean Signet
Aura Faint Divination; CL 3rd
Slot Neck; Price 6500 gp; Weight 0,1 lbs.
Description
The silver filigree of this amulet wraps itself around a red ruby, engraved with the symbols of the 8 Lords of Hell, surrounding a 9th symbol, that of Asmodeus himself. Below these symbols, the rune of House Thrune is barely visible, as a faint shadow, combining the above symbols into one.
The Amulet itself is slightly warm to the touch, reminiscent of the hellfire that awaits any who bind themselves to Hell.The Asmodean Signet allows you to cast Comprehend Languages 3 times per day. Any devil that it is used upon automatically starts at an indifferent attitude if they would start off worse for the purpose of Diplomacy related checks, to signify the contract struck between Hell and the House of Thrune.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Comprehend languages; Cost 3250 gp
Wish I could have edited this in to be honest, rather than making a new post for it:
Looking at the feedback given so far, I think I can sum up the problems with my own item:
* Too much description of what item looks like rather than what it does
* Too much like a Spell in a Can
* Unimaginative
* Too much of a plot device, rather than a magic item (i.e. not really useable to players as much as I'd have liked).
Anyways, I'd still like the actual feedback mind you. But hopefully this is what I'll need to work on :P
And now I start „being the Judge 2.0“ I will go through this thread and try to give feedback on every single item. Below should be my thoughts on everything that is on page 1.
Note however that in order to do this I'm passing all those entries pretty fast and my feedback will be written in a very stream-of-consciousness like way. If I say something that offends you i apologize, nothing could be further from my intentions than stepping on your toes, but sometimes my words may be harsh or grumpy.
If you think I'm not giving your item the feedback/thought/appreciation it deserves, or simply would like to discuss your item some more, simply call out to me in the peer review thread ( to avoid clustering this one with discussion). I will then try to find the time to give you more in depth feedback.
For now I will include copies of the items I'm referring to in my posts for ease of refernece. Please let me know if I should keep doing so.
Ok, here we go:
The Lantern of The Illumined Walk
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 4,320 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
This bullseye lantern possesses a number of adjustable lenses on its front but is otherwise identical to a mundane lantern and operates as such. Once per day, as a standard action, you may place the lit lantern on the ground and use the lenses to create a path of solidified light. This walkway of light may be either 60 feet long and 10 feet wide, or 120 feet long and 5 feet wide. The lenses can also be adjusted to angle the walkway up or down, to a maximum of 45 degrees. This pathway is anchored on the lantern and does not need to necessarily go anywhere. If, as it is being created, the beam of light strikes a solid object, it ends at that point and extends no further. The illumined walk in all respects counts as solid ground. At the end of 10 rounds, or if the lantern is moved, the lantern runs out of oil and the light is extinguished.
Construction
Requirements craft wondrous item, levitate ; Cost 2,160 gp
This seems to be supposed to be a “bridge of light” in a can, and that is an intriguing concept, but with your description of how the walkway is formed and when it is stopped you made my mind wander in all kinds of weird directions. Like “What happens if the beam strikes a creature? Does the pathway anchor to it and I now have it on a long leash of solid light?”
At the first reading I missed the “or the lantern is moved” part, and without that there were many more questions about swooping rooms with long beams of light and similar things. This is an important restriction and should be displayed more prominently.
Egg of the Flame Toxoztesoma
Aura strong transmutation and necromancy CL12th
Slot head Price 12,000gp Weight-
Description
This small gem is worn on the forehead, this item is activated by speaking the command word, and it borrows into the owner’s head. His skin and organs melt and turn into a single advanced leech swarm with the additional following changes; +2 strength, +4 dexterity, +3 natural armour, burn ability, fire resistance 20 and vulnerability to cold damage, this swarm is fully under the control of the owner, also anything this swarm perceives the owner perceives, the owner can control telepathically at any range as a swift action. After the owner’s body resurrects in a burst of flames, turning into a flaming skeletal creature with the following traits +2 strength bonus +4 dexterity bonus, +3 natural armour bonus, DR5/bludgeoning, darkvision 60ft, resist fire 20, vulnerability to cold, burn ability, the owner is treated as a native outsider for the duration of the effect. This effect lasts for 10 minutes, after which the owner’s body naturally extinguishes itself, incapacitating him for a round as his flesh slowly reforms, at the same time the swarm evaporates into a thick mist. The destruction of the swarm has no effect on the owner. This is a one use only item, after its activation it is destroyed. Alternatively by placing the egg on a dead creature’s body and activating it, the body is animated into a bloody flaming undead champion with the personality and alignment it had in life and it also gains the blood drain and poison abilities of the leech swarm. This undead creature lasts 1d6 minutes and after that it is instantly destroyed into a small pile of ashes.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, swarm skin, elemental body II, animate dead CL12 Cost 6,000gp
First and foremost I think you have to strengthen your writing skills. I've read this item 2 times and am still not sure HOW it works. At first I thought that you transformed into the Swarm, then you talk about telepathically controlling it. Then you talk about resurrection and skeletal creatures that are outsiders and then about undead champions.
I think I know how its supposed to work and thats an awful lot going on there. That paired with the bunch of bonuses and extra abilities makes it a pain to actually use.
And then I'm not sure where the bonuses are supposed to apply to ? The base creature’s stats ( leech swarm, skeleton, skeletal champion? The wearer?
Many of the extra abilities need extra explanation, like burn. How high is the damage? What is the DC to extinguish the flames?
What does “incapacitating” mean? Unconcious? Helpless? Stunned? Dazed?
Whz are all these Bonuses necessary. I can see why you are adding the burn ability to the swarm, but why the Ability bonuses?
This items opens more questions than it answers and frankly I think it tries to do too much at the same time, likely in an effort to crank the awesome dial all the way up to 12. 11 is more than enough, and more often than not the simple ideas are the ones that really are awesome.
Ship in a bottle
Aura strong transmutation; CL 8th
Slot -; Price 2,500gp (rowboat), 8,400gp (keelboat), 22,400gp(long ship or sailing ship), 52,400gp (warship), 62,400gp (galley); Weight 1lb
Description
The first ship in a bottle was created by a great wizard for the admiral of the royal navy when he retired, along with his warship. Many variations of it have been created since then.
The ship in a bottle looks just like a normal, clear, 2 inch thick, glass bottle capable of holding about 1 gallon of liquid. But, inside the corked bottle is a tiny ship sitting upon wooden supports. Anyone giving it a cursory glance will see a tiny model of a ship with amazing detail (sometimes even having barnacles on its hull).
Handling the bottle in any way will allow the handler to see that the ship does not move within the bottle no matter the amount of shaking. However, if the bottle is broke or if the cork is removed (a DC 24 Strength check) while not in contact with any liquid will cause the contents to spill forth and crumble to useless wooden pieces.
If the bottle is set into any liquid (lethal or otherwise) then the powerful magics set into the object activates. If the liquid is deep enough and the area is large enough to accommodate the ship set within the bottle, then the bottle will evaporate and the ship inside will instantly grow to its normal size. Otherwise, the bottle does nothing. The ship is equipped as per their related descriptions in the transport section (see page 163).
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, shrink item; Cost 1,250gp (rowboat), 4,200gp (keelboat), 11,200gp (long ship or sailing ship), 26,200gp (warship), 31,200gp (galley)
First off I notice that this isn't one item, it actually is 6 slightly different items. And only by reading the name and the price I'm starting to get bored, because I strongly suspect that the item is exactly whats on the label, which is a real world item name to boot.
I suspect a bottle with a miniature ship which I can pull out to get a life sized one. And thats exactly what it does. If I want a ship in a bottle for superstar, I want the vessel of the deep, not this boring literal pun-ish thing. In my eyes the line of backstory doesn't help you either.
Also there already is a folding boat in the game , which is basically this with a slightly different flair ( paper-ship instead of ship in a bottle).
Searing Vestment of the Dawnflower
Aura moderate conjuration and evocation; CL 11th
Slot body; Price 68,000 gp; Weight 6 lbs.
Description
Decorated with red and golden suns, this long, white chasuble glows brilliantly.
Upon donning the searing vestment of the Dawnflower, the wearer immediately surrounds herself with a 40-foot radius, golden-red nimbus that otherwise works as continual flame. If the wearer removes the garment, the illumination extinguishes.
Additionally, once per day, the wearer may activate the searing vestment of the Dawnflower and cause the sun-like corona to implode, transforming her into a fiery ray of sunlight. The ray then fires forth as per searing light. If the distance to the target is no more than 60 feet and the attack is successful the target becomes unbalanced, allowing the wearer to make a trip attack using the damage done as her Combat Maneuver Bonus. After resolving the attack, the wearer will then reappear behind and adjacent to the target. If the ranged touch attack misses, use the splash weapon rules to determine where the wearer reappears, assuming a range increment of 10 feet. The movement in the form of the searing light ray and trip attack do not provoke attacks of opportunity.
Once this special attack has been resolved, the illumination reappears for 10 rounds, then immediately ceases and cannot be reignited until any time after the break of the next dawn.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Improved Trip, Widen Spell, continual flame, dimension door, searing light; Cost 34,000 gp
Hmm. A glowy robe that I can use 1/day to leap into the face of an enemy in the form of a ray of light. I would say thats neat, but not great.
The real problem with the item is the Damage= CMB, because that opens up a can of worms ( Sean has already elaborated on this) . Otherwise this I ok, but would fall short of real superstar potential in my eyes (for me the iron bands are a weak contender too)
I feel that the unbalancing and possible falling down after the awesome blast of light is a kinda weak visual. If the target was blasted away and sent flying by the sheer force of the impact (Bull rush, Awesome Blow), I would have been intrigued by this way more.
Shroud of the Immolator
Aura Moderate evocation; CL 7th
Slot shoulders; Price 1,400 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
The shroud of the immolator most often appears as a full-length black cloak of heavy, rich fabric, hooded and clasped at the neck with bronze hooks and a large central stone - most often a deep red garnet or tourmaline.
The wearer can, as a swift action, crush the clasp stone. Doing so causes the shroud to burst into a conflagration that burns its surroundings but spares the wearer. The flames of the shroud vary with its creator - some are white-hot and incandescent, others are smoky and reek of brimstone. (Crushing the gem need not be done with the hand; a bound wearer could use her chin or a nearby solid object to accomplish this).
The shroud burns for seven rounds; while it burns:
- The wearer gains a +4 circumstance bonus on Intimidate checks*.
- Attackers making melee, unarmed or natural weapon attacks take 1d6+7 fire damage.
- Creatures or materials in full contact with the wearer take 3d6 damage per round that contact is maintained. This could include grappling attackers, ropes binding the wearer, or a beast that has swallowed her.
*At the DM's option, creatures with the (Fire) subtype would be immune to the Intimidate effect, but the wearer would instead enjoy a +4 bonus to Diplomacy checks.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fire shield; Cost 700 gp
First note: the template is not followed properly.
Second note: my little Eyes spies a Dm's option line, starting to read this with a bad feeling
It's a one use Fire shield in a can with an added Skill bonus (that is up to Dm's Discretion – you should use GM, DM is copyrighted) and a full contact clause that is only vaguely defined.
Both added abilities have problems ( vague definition, Dm's option) and aren't different or cool enough to elevate this out of SiaC territory.
So my final not would be that this item is too boring to be really cared for and as such would soon get dropped.
Bracers of transfiguration
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot wrists; Price 10,000 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
These metal bracers are etched with different intertwined weapons.
The bracers can be activated once per day to move one special weapon ability from one magic weapon you currently have on your person (though not necessarily wield) to a magic weapon you currently wield. The initial weapon loses the ability for 1 minute and the recipient weapon gains the ability for 1 minute. Activating this item is a move action.
The recipient weapon must be able to have the ability in order to gain it (for instance, a weapon would have to be a slashing melee weapon in order to receive the vorpal quality from another weapon). Bracers of transfiguration cannot move specific weapons’ abilities but can move weapon special abilities to specific weapons (i.e. you could move the flaming special ability to a holy avenger, however you could not move the sleep effect from a sleep arrow to a +1 arrow). Moving a special ability to a weapon that already has the ability has no affect and wastes this ability for the day. This ability cannot move an enhancement bonus from one weapon to another.
Construction
Requirements fabricate, greater magic weapon; Cost 5,000 gp
Hm. Neat idea. I miss a note that you can't improve a weapons total effective bonus beyond +10, and I think the item should be limited to +1 or maybe +2 equivalent abilities. But after all you have to own the other weapon, so it's not too much of a deal.
I think I would have liked it more as a weapon ability, call it stealing or copying, and you have something. But as a wondrous item there seems to be a kind of disconnect. After all the effects of the item have nothing to do with its form.
As it is I would file it under nice, good enough for a Book of magic items, but not quite Superstar.
Another suggestion: Use the steal maneuver ( maybe using the items Cl as Your Bab) to steal the weapon enhancement of the enemy you are fighting.
Glass Heart
Aura moderate conjuration and transmutation; CL 9th
Slot --; Price 50,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Red and blue arcs of electricity flicker and pulse within this fist-sized shard of glass, flaring brightly when it is implanted into the chest cavity of a dead creature. Implanting a glass heart requires ten minutes and causes the recipient to return to life as if targeted by a raise dead spell. A particular glass heart can only raise a creature from the dead once and only if the creature has been dead for less than 9 days.
Upon being returned to life, the electricity in the glass heart replaces the recipient's blood, granting her an extra Move Action each round for as long as the heart is implanted. The substitution of electricity for blood makes the recipient resistant to negative energy, granting a +2 resistance bonus to saves against such effects. Finally, the recipient is immune to electricity attacks and heals 1 hp per point of damage such attacks would otherwise inflict.
Because it replaces a creature’s organic heart, a glass heart can only be implanted in a creature whose anatomy includes a heart. Recognizing that a creature has an implanted glass heart requires a DC 20 Spellcraft check.
Unfortunately, the heart is not a perfect substitute for a living organ and is very fragile. If the recipient suffers a critical hit from a bludgeoning weapon, she must make a Fortitude Save (DC 10 + the damage dealt) or immediately perish as the heart is pulverized. A glass heart is also vulnerable to the shatter spell. If the heart is targeted and the recipient fails her save, it is crushed and she is instantly slain.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, haste, lightning bolt, raise dead; Cost 25,000 gp
Cool idea and nice presentation, this has some mojo going on.
It has a bit to much of modern day technology / magitech for my taste.
I see a little disconnect between Glass / Electricity and negative energy. Especially the negative energy part seems to come out of nowhere.
Converting electricity damage to healing on a 1 to 1 basis seems to be a bit much. A 1 to 10 ratio seems to be more reasonable. Extra actions are a huge bonus ( After all +1 move action means Move + full attack in every round), and I would be careful with them. Effects like this are nearly gone from PCs hands and inly available to monsters, likely to help them with the action economy.
A bonus to Movement speed would likely be more appropriate.
I would replace the Spellcraft check to notice the heart with a heal check, but I can see a reasoning for spellcraft.
The drawbacks are a nice addition, but feel too focused for my tastes. Maybe add other effects that can damage the heart but not outright destroy it, like sonic damage or slashing/ piercing hits. Maybe emulate a damaged heart by constitution drain.
Penumbral Ligatures
Aura strong illusion; CL 13th
Slot —; Price 98,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
This hand-held apparatus is a cold iron crossbar ringed by a circle of carved ivory. From one side extend five ghostly cords that hang taut before fading into nothingness. As a standard action, the wielder can make a ranged touch attack against a single humanoid target within 100 feet. On a successful attack, the target gains the entangled condition as shadowy ligatures lash out and coil themselves around the creature’s neck, wrists, and ankles. The wielder can then force the target to act as his spell-casting surrogate.
Entangled creatures cannot move more than 100 feet from the wielder; removing or severing all five ligatures ends this restriction and the entangled condition. An entangled creature may burst or escape from a single ligature by making a DC 20 Strength or Escape Artist check. Any amount of slashing damage severs a ligature; each ligature is AC 20. The ligatures are made of shadow-stuff and if severed simply reform when the apparatus is used again to ensnare. The wielder can release an ensnared creature as a standard action.
The ligatures can ensnare a willing target. All the conditions above apply fully however, and opponents may attempt to target and sever the ligatures normally.
If the wielder chooses, any spell he casts with a range of touch or greater can be channeled through the ligatures. Melee touch spells cast in this manner always target the “surrogate” and do not require an attack roll. Spells of greater range (including ranged touch attacks) originate from the surrogate as if he were the caster, affecting targets normally. A maximum of 20 total spell levels may be channeled each day.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, project image, shadow conjuration; Cost 49,000 gp
The attack at first seems to come out of nowhere until you describe the effects of the attack, better describe what the item does first and then how the attack is resolved, or at least interleaved.
When I read spell-casting surrogate I expect a puppeteer like effect, but it doesn't really work like this. Or at least not as I'm envisioning it.
Somehow the visuals and actual effects of the item don't seem to do “it” for me. I think I would have liked it more it went down the puppeteer line even more, maybe allowing to control a creature with a full round action and with a penalty based on the creature's Strength modifier, as it struggles against the tugging wires.
Mask of the Mystic Hunter
Aura moderate divination; CL 10th
Slot head; Price 57,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This strange fleshy mask looks like a flayed human face with many saggy folds of extra skin. The only apertures in its mottled brown surface are for the eyes and the tip of the nose, the mouth is entirely covered in pendulous flaps of skin.
If a creature holds this droopy mask against their face for a minute, it spreads out and fuses with their flesh along the jaw line, or whatever the boundaries of the face are on stranger creatures. Once bonded to a creature in such a way, the wearer gains the scent special ability, and a +5 bonus to Survival checks to track other creatures. The only method of removal is for a creature to pull at the mask for a minute.
The true power of this mask, however, comes in its ability to track magic. The wearer may use detect magic at will and may make Spellcraft checks untrained, receiving a +5 bonus when attempting to identify a spell being cast. In addition, once per day they may begin to track a magical aura of moderate or greater strength as a creature using follow aura (APG pg. 224) tracks an alignment. If the aura was left by a spell they track the caster of that spell, and may continue to do so for 1d6 days after they find the aura. The wearer follows the trace of this aura along the ground as if tracking a scent with the Survival skill. They can only track one such aura at a time.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, bloodhound (APG pg. 206), detect magic, follow aura (APG pg. 224), 1 sq. ft. of bloodhound skin; Cost 28,500 gp
My main issue with it is thats a SAK with siaC overtones tailored to tracking. I don't get how the visuals of the mask are related to tracking magic, and why it has to fuse with the flesh of the creature.
I don't have much more to say so I suppose thats Gefabomibngefrss (good enough for a book of magic items, but not good enough for rpg superstar)
Edit: oops this one slipped over from the peer review thread, hope you don't mind the early treatment) ;)
Reciprocity Coin
Aura strong enchantment; CL 15th
Slot --; Price 6,000 gp; Weight --
Description
This platinum coin bears an engraving of balanced scales crossed by a feather quill. Both its faces are identical - down to the smallest nicks and scratches. This coin offers an exchange both eminently fair and inescapably perilous; it can purchase things no mere currency can, and exact payment more dear than gold.
The coin is used by giving it to another, in gift or trade. The giver may activate the coin to make a demand of the receiver (as the spell; Will DC 22 partially negates). Once the demand effect ends (or is negated), a whispered voice echoes through the receiver's mind, repeating the words of the giver's demand and compelling him (as a suggestion) to set them in writing, in his own hand and on whatever surface he chooses (no save; 15 hour duration).
If the receiver fulfills this suggestion, then in the following week he may issue a demand of his own to the giver (as the spell; Will DC 22 partially negates) by writing its words beneath his transcription of the giver's demand.
All the effects above are activated by the initial transaction, and do not require the receiver's continued possession of the coin. The coin cannot be activated again until the effect of the receiver's demand ends (or is negated). If for any reason the receiver does not or cannot issue a demand within the allotted week, the coin can never be activated again.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, demand; Cost 3,000 gp
Cool item. Maybe a bit of a plot device. It begs one important question: How aware is the target of the effects of the coin and his ability to issue a counter-demand?
But aside from that it is pretty cool, but I'm not sue if it does enough to overcome the plot device pitfall.
Defending Wisp of the Dying Ember
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 11th
Slot neck; Price 8,000 gp; Weight –
Description
This amulet consists of an obsidian disk with an oak coal set in the center.
Whenever the wearer gains the helpless condition, the coal emits a stream of smoke which coalesces into the wearer’s image. The wearer can see, hear, and attack through the wisp, but not move, speak, or cast spells – the wisp appears in the wearer’s square and threatens all squares within reach as normal.
The wisp wields smoke-version copies of any weapons the wearer currently possesses – they have the same enhancement bonuses as the originals, but none of their special abilities. Attacks made with these weapons count as touch attacks, but inflict only half damage. The wearer may switch any one weapon each round as a move action.
Once per round, if an opponent attempts a coup de grace on the wearer, the wisp may attempt a special bull rush action as an attack of opportunity, even if that opponent would normally not provoke one. This bull rush is made with a +4 bonus to the wearer’s normal CMB, and, if successful, inflicts 2d6 points of force damage.
If at negative hit points, the wearer receives a -2 penalty to stabilization rolls while the wisp is active. He may dismiss the wisp as a free action, but cannot reactivate it while unconscious.
If the wearer loses the helpless condition, the wisp dissipates, though if he becomes helpless again, he may reactivate it. The wisp is immune to all forms of damage.
Using the wisp during normal sleep prevents the wearer from receiving any benefits from that rest, including restored hit points or spells.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, gaseous form, telekinesis; Cost 4,000 gp
The name is kinda cool, but it too confused me. How can a wisp be an item? How do you carry it around? Etc.
hm. I Kinda get what thiat this item is about and that it is a cool imagery, but I don't like it.
It is kinda cool that the player of a helpless character has something to do with this item, but it goes beyond doing too much.
The wisp is an indestructible version of the real character, that can make touch attacks and gets a free, special bull rush. Most fighters will be more powerful when they are in wisp form than they would be normally and the no move restriction isn't too bad either.
The notion about using the wisp while asleep also makes this item border on camping item.
And all that for just 8,000 gp.
I would suggest you scaled down the power of this item a lot. Maybe giving the character concealment and allowing him to help in small ways around the battlefield, like using aid another or maybe even levitating and administering a healing potion.
Hunting Cloak of the Great Cats
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot shoulders; Price 28,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
This heavy cloak is made from the hide of a great cat, including the head and limbs, and is infused with the spirit of one of these predatory beasts. The cloak grants a +4 bonus on Climb checks to the wearer. Additionally, the wearer gains the low-light vision and scent extraordinary abilities.
In combat, the cloak's limbs animate, giving the wearer the rake special attack. These two claw attacks deal 1d8 damage each. The wearer is considered to be proficient with the claws for these attacks. The rake attacks may be made up to 9 times per day.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, beast shape III; Cost 14,000 gp
Well it mostly feels like a monster in a can. And it doesn't do too much besides that.
It doesn't seem to do something particularly wrong, just kinda fails to excite.
Moonlight Strands
Aura faint necromancy; CL 5th
Slot --; Price 500 gp; Weight --
Description
This tiny glass vial contains a number of wispy, glowing threads. When the vial is opened or broken (as by being thrown at a hard surface), the strands emerge and elongate, moving rapidly to the nearest undead creature. The strands make a bull rush, disarm, trip, or grapple attempt (chosen by the user) against the undead creature using a CMB of +8. If the strands successfully grapple their target, they will attempt to maintain the grapple for 1d4 rounds before dissolving. Any other combat maneuver, or a failed grapple check, causes the strands to dissolve immediately. The strands are usable against incorporeal undead and do not provoke attacks of opportunity.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, halt undead; Cost 250 gp
I like it. The only real issue I see is that it is missing both ranges for throwing and the seeking of undeads, after all you don't want the strands to search out undeads f they are none in a radius of a few miles :).
But aside from that I really like the item and think that with an extra dose of pathfinder rules (like allowing the dirty trick or reposition maneuvers) it might have had a good stab at the top.
Great job.
hrononaut’s Horologe
Aura strong abjuration and evocation; CL 17th
Slot none; Price 132,100 gp; Weight -
Description
Activating this intricate silver hourglass of complex design and appearance, chronoports up to seven willing mortals who are in contact with one another, including the horologe’s activator, from where they stand to that same place at a specific time in the past for a single hour. When the sands run out, the horologe swiftly decays to nothing, while safely returning any living chrononauts with their possessions to the place and moment following the horologe’s activation.
While in the past, chrononauts may neither venture further than seven miles from where they arrive nor interact directly or indirectly with their past-self or direct ancestors, else automatically suffer imprisonment within the horologe; returning as usual when the hour expires. Casting freedom upon the horologe releases all imprisoned chrononauts. The horologe’s duration cannot be altered or suppressed by magical effects such as antimagic field, mage’s disjunction or temporal stasis although time stop works normally. The horologe’s duration automatically expires if destroyed, safely returning any living chrononauts. Upon expiry, any dead chrononauts, their bodies, souls, and even the memory of their existence are erased for eternity.
A chrononaut’s horologe requires the daring of a deity sufficiently motivated to manipulate the fabric of space and time. Upon an attempted activation, the deity involved grants or withholds the chronoporting miracle imbued within the horologe. Activity in the past may herald miraculous circumstances back in the future: eradicating a dire threat, altering character circumstances, crafting a new opportunity or menace, the collapse of cities or countries.
The horologe’s creator must designate the deity and exact time to be chronoported to, inscribing these references to the hourglass’ base upon commencing construction.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, freedom, imprisonment, miracle; Cost 78,550 gp
At first my wordcount tells me that it's exactly 300 words, thats pressing some lines.
The name already made me suspect it, but at the word chronoports I had to stop reading for a moment, to take a deep breath and brace me for what undoubtedly is coming.
I'll withhold my comments on time-traveling items in general to say that you operated well under those parameters. As far as time-travel items go this is well designed and thought through.
But:
You Shouldn't Create Time Traveling Items.
Time travel is a can of worms for any campaign if not incorporated very, very carefully. So any means of time travel should firmly rest in the Gms hands and should be managed by plot devices. Giving this to players, even as a individual GM spells trouble for your campaign. Especially if time travel was not supposed to be the main focus of a campaign. This is true a thousand fold for an item that is printed in a sourcebook, because now many Gms have to explicitly forbid this single item, if they don't want time travel in their games.
The way you restrict the use of the item pretty much shows that you were aware of these issues and you crafted it in pretty much exactly the way a plot device would have been designed.
The addition of deific intervention also boots this item out of Wondrous item land and right into Artifact territory, where a time-travel device undoubtly would belong anyways.
Cloak of Adhesion
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 5th
Slot shoulder; Price 45,000gp; Weight 2 lbs.
This heavy, lime-green cloak is embroidered with black squares along its edges. Anything coming into contact with the wearer must make a save (Reflex DC 17) or become stuck to the cloak. An item sticking to the cloak requires a Strength check (DC 17) to pry it free. Creatures attached to the cloak immediately become Grappled by the wearer, with both the wearer and the creature gaining the Grappled condition. This Grapple does not provoke attacks of opportunity, allows the wearer to maintain the use of both hands, and requires a CMB or Escape Artist vs (DC 17) to break free (instead of the CMD of the grappler). Creatures may attempt to gain control of the Grapple normally. This effect can be toggled as a standard action, releasing all stuck items and grappled creatures simultaneously (normally you may release a grapple as a free action).
Finally, this cloak also offers a +10 bonus to Climb checks to catch yourself from falling.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, web, persistent spell; Cost 22,500gp
This is kinda neat. I don't think its worth 45,000 gp , after all at the time the item becomes reasonably affordable the effects and Dcs are nearly laughable.
It is tightly focused, even if the theme is not particularly sexy. And I think here lies the main problem. It is not sexy enough to be kept around till the end.
I think I saw something about adding the ability to grapple swarms, and that would be a great start to sexy up the item a bit.
Another problem might be the amount of trouble an item that is always super sticky might cause. Starting with difficulties to don or remove the cloak and leading to all kinds of sticky situations (pun intended).
Gloves of Dragonfly Eyes
Aura faint divination and evocation; CL 3rd
Slot hands; Price 1800 gp; Weight --
Description
These pale gloves are embroidered with azure thread in the outline of five dragonflies on each hand. Faceted obsidian stones are set as the eyes of each dragonfly, and as a free action the wearer can use one pair of eyes as an extra material component while casting an illusion spell of the glamer or figment subschool. At any time during the duration of the spell, the caster may point at a target and mentally will the gloves to activate (requiring a move action). The eyeless dragonfly immediately unravels and reforms in flight, carried by magical force to the intended target as per the magic missile spell. Rather than damaging the target, however, the dragonfly alights and allows the target to discern the illusion just as if a successful Will save had been made.
Should anyone other than the spellcaster don the gloves after a set of eyes is consumed but before the dragonfly is triggered, the gloves immediately activate with the new wearer as the target.
The gloves can only be attuned to one spell at a time; attempts to use a second pair of eyes fail until the earlier spell ends. When all ten dragonflies have been expended, the gloves serve merely as plain adornments for the hands.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, magic missile, see invisibility; Cost 900 gp
Hmm, don't know what to think about the name. On the one hand I'm intrigued to learn how gloves and dragonfly eyes fit together, on the other hand I'm not expecting to find out something exiting.
It's a raised eyebrow, but not necessarily a good one.
After reading your item I needed a moment to comprehend what I just read and how your item works.
It is way too complicated for what it does. After all it is: “After casting an illusion spell you can have one ally within X feet see through your illusion. This item has 10 charges.”
And I think that there is no need for such an item. After all you just can cast message, tell your ally that you, the illusionist just created that Wall/Monster/ Apocalypse and he gets a Saving throw with a +4 bonus. That should be enough to really help with seeing through the illusion. And even if he doesn't succeed he knows that it isn't real, even if only on an intellectual level.
Abolitionist's Dust
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 2250 gp; Weight -.
Description
Originally created by abolitionists for the purpose of cutting bonds, this dust reduces the hardness of a single metallic object, measuring less than five square feet in size, to 0 for thirty minutes. This does not reduce an item's hit-points, AC value or effectiveness in combat, only its hardness. If used in combat, the user must succeed with a combat maneuver attempt in order to strike an opponent's item with the dust. Magic items are allowed a DC 15 will save to negate the effect.
Construction
Requirements craft wondrous item, transmute rock to mud ; Cost 1125 gp
simple and neat basically. The Abolitionism reference feels a bit too real world for my taste, but aside from that it's neat and shiny.
I would have loved to see a specific Combat maneuver mentioned, to help see if you provoke an Aoo, what your bonus and stuff like that. (Dirty trick would have been a good candidate).
Aside from that it just lacks sexiness and isn't terribly useful in many situations (most of the time a simple trip or disarm or Combat maneuver of your choice is more effective than using this, as it is just a set-up to a more effective sunder attempt.
Conclave Seeds
Aura strong transmutation; CL 12th
Slot --; Price 16000 gp (per Seed); Weight 1 lb.
Description
These golden acorns are cultivated by druids of the Wildwood Lodge to promote community among all those attuned to the natural world. When planted, a Seed grows into a gargantuan oak tree with amber leaves over the course of one day, creating a sanctuary and meeting place. They are cultivated and blessed in sets of two or more, with each Seed linked to others in that batch. The Seeds must be planted in soil above ground, but may be planted in any order and with any amount of time between plantings.
When a Seed reaches maturity, the area within a 40-ft radius becomes holy, as the hallow spell, and gains the environment of a temperate forest. All trees in that space gain hardness, hit points, and resistance to fire equivalent to steel.
In addition, the bond between the new tree and any other fully developed Seeds from its set on the same plane becomes vitalized, creating a network between them. For one week, any character with the woodland stride ability may touch one of the trees as a standard action to sense all other grown trees in that set. The character may then travel between them as a full-round action, melding into one tree and emerging from another.
After the week has elapsed, a creature using the tree stride spell may still travel between trees in the set regardless of distance between them.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, hallow, ironwood, tree stride, creator must be a druid; Cost 8000 gp (per Seed; minimum 2)
Well, for a Seed this certainly is expensive.
For my taste the backstory sentence could be gone, it doesn't do anything for me to help me envision the item or understand what it does.
But it basically is a way to set up your own private elven teleport network, so it should be damned expensive.
I think this would be better suited as a plot device (if you want your players to plant some of the trees as a part of an adventure, or even simply setpieces.
I can't see any character using it aside from the very specific purpose of setting up said network and as such this doesn't need a space as a general magic item, but it should simply be provided by the GM as a means for that specific character to achieve his goals.
Ornod’s Ashen Doll
Aura strong transmutation; CL 18
Slot -; Price 170,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
This one foot tall humanoid shaped doll has no features. It is made of a light grey material that leaves an ashy residue when handled.
To activate this item the user meditates for one minute. During that time a figure composed of dark black smoke coalesces in the exact shape and size of the user. The user’s consciousness is transferred to the smoke figure.
The user can see and hear through the figure, but is incapable of physically manipulating the environment. The figure has a fly movement of 10 feet. It automatically makes all fly skill checks and can move through extremely small openings. The figure has damage reduction and immunities as per the gaseous form spell. It has the saving throws, hit points, and ability scores of the user except that it has no strength or constitution. The figure has an AC of 10 plus modifiers from size and dexterity. It cannot be healed by any means. In dim lighting conditions it has a +5 competence bonus on stealth checks.
The user can cast spells through the figure that require at most somatic components. This includes spells that qualify through the Silent Spell or Eschew Material feats.
The figure dissipates for the following reasons: ten minutes have elapsed after activation, it is reduced to zero hit points, it entered any liquid, or it attempted to move by extradimensional travel. The user can dissipate the figure as a standard action. When the figure dissipates the user’s consciousness is transferred back to his body and the item cannot be activated again for 24 hours.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Items, gaseous form, twin form; Cost 85,000 gp
Who is Ornod, and how did he manage to craft a doll from ashes?
Ok, so this basically is a gaseous from in a can, but with the added effects that you can cast spells with somnatic components and that it isn't really you and if you get killed you are fine.
So it is Spell in a Can ( the added effects don't rule 27 it in my eyes=
and it makes adventuring safe. (can use it for scouting without any fear of real harm, and you can cast spells to kill a few baddies too)
Mot of the description of your item is just rehashing the gaseous form spell. Your innovative design work is limited to a few small tweaks and the last paragraph of your item.
Talisman of Time
Aura moderate abjuration and evocation; CL 7th
Slot Neck; Price 13,000gp; Weight –
DESCRIPTION
This is a finely crafted talisman made of gold and platinum strands woven together into a loop. In the center of the loop, is an hourglass with the top half crafted from a diamond and the lower half crafted from an emerald. A DC 20 Perception check reveals that the hourglass has a fine latch that locks it in place and allows one to flip over the hourglass inside the loop.
Once per day, as a move action, the hourglass can be turned over and the gems reversed, allowing the emerald’s color to start flowing into the diamond below like sands of an hourglass. Turning over the hourglass displaces time, transferring the actions of the wearer this round to an ally of the wearer’s choice, who then takes a standard action in the wearer’s place. This leaves the wearer flatfooted and unable to do any other actions this round.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, Freedom of Movement, Imbue with Spell Ability; Cost 6,500gp
The name makes me beware of time travel or manipulation items.
But the item doesn't do anything like this. It is an interesting new mechanic, that might easily balanced, as long as you keep minions, henchmen familiars, a bound imp or anything like that out of the equation.
As long as one Pc is using the item to give up his actions and transfer it to another PC everything is fine. Except that the activating Character gets the short end of the stick and his player basically has less to contribute at the table.
As soon as someone from the above list is given the item things start to break apart. The wizard with the monkey familiar might simply give the amulet to his monkey and basically gets a free standard action 1/day.
( so about as useful as 1/3 of a greater rod of quicken spell that doesn't need to be held to work ;) )
Forceful Bracers
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 10th
Slot arms; Price 90,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
These bracers are each a foot long and are decorated with a single rune. Wearing the bracers grants the ability to mentally push others away from you. As a move action, you may push a single large, or smaller, living target within 30 feet. You may push them ten feet in a straight line away from you. If this movement is obstructed, or if the target cannot be pushed, they take 2d6 points of blunt damage instead. A successful DC 15 Fortitude negates this effect.
Construction
Requirements craft wondrous item, telekinesis ; Cost 45,000 gp
Basically a limited Telekinesis in a can. A combat maneuver check vs. CMD to bull rush would have been more appropriate than a fort save to handle this effect.
Aside from that its neat but simply not interesting or innovative enough.
Philosopher's Spell Guilders
Aura strong (no school); CL 12th
Slot --; Price varies; Weight –
Description
These coin-like tokens shine with the unique brilliance of gold transmuted by the legendary philosopher’s stone. They often bear the likeness of creatures capable of metamorphosis such as caterpillars, tadpoles, or even werewolves. A spellcaster may expend a spell guilder to apply a metamagic feat to a spell as it is cast, whereupon the guilder turns to worthless lead. This does not change the spell slot of the altered spell. Similar to metamagic rods, each guilder is keyed to a specific metamagic feat and is limited by spell level. A caster may not use multiple guilders on a spell cast nor combine them with metamagic rods. It is permissible to combine a guilder with metamagic feats possessed by its bearer. In this case, only these feats adjust the slot of the spell being cast. Normal guilders can be used with spells of 6th level or lower. Lesser guilders can be used with spells of 3rd level or lower, while greater guilders can be used with spells of 9th level or lower.
Spell Guilder, Quicken
Price 2,000 gp (lesser), 4,000 gp (normal), 8,500 gp (greater)
The possessor of this guilder can expend it to cast one spell as though using the Quicken Spell feat.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Quicken Spell; Cost 1,000 gp (lesser), 2,000 gp (normal), 4,250 gp (greater)
Spell Guilder, Enlarge
Price 150 gp (lesser), 550 gp (normal), 1,200 gp (greater)
The possessor of this guilder can expend it to cast one spell as though using the Enlarge Spell feat.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Enlarge Spell; Cost 75 gp (lesser), 275 gp (normal), 600 gp (greater)
This is not 1 item, but 6. Doing that causes you to loose focus.
These are just one use Metamagic rods. There is nothing new or creative here. You are supposed to show off you designing skills. The ability to conceive a great idea and transfer it to paper. This is just an existing item with a boring alteration.
Haunt-Clad Shroud
Aura strong necromancy [evil]; CL 17th
Slot chest; Price 18000 gp; Weight -
Description
The spirits trapped within these foul rags thirst for fear. They impose their spectral bodies on any who attack the wearer without firm resolve. When worn the item grants a deflection bonus to AC equal to the wearer's Charisma modifier provided that the attacker is shaken.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, soul bind; Cost 9000 gp
hm, very short, Cl 17 and 18,000gp feels odd, lets see what it delivers.
Basing effects on the wearers stats is really a nightmare to price. It might be a bonus anywhere between 0 and 10.
That the item only works against shaken creatures is the only creative or unusual thing going on for this item, and I don't see it being enough to excite anybody.
Soul bind feels odd as a Requirement. The items effects don't have anything to do with soul bind, only its flair is vaguely related.
Prise de fer Plastron
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 7th
Slot chest; Price 4,700 gp (+1), 10,500 gp (+2), 18,800 gp (+3), 29,500 gp (+4), 42,350 gp (+5); Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This soft leather duelist garment may be worn under armor or without it. After determining damage from an attacker's magical melee weapon, the wearer may activate the plastron as an immediate action. If the wearer is wielding a magical melee weapon, any special abilities on it are replaced by the special abilities of the striking weapon based on the type of prise de fer plastron worn. This effect lasts for 5 rounds. Weapon special ability rules still apply. Example: A bard wielding a +1 keen rapier and wearing a +2 prise de fer plastron struck by a +2 merciful disruption flaming burst mace may choose between a +1 merciful rapier or a +1 flaming burst rapier. She cannot utilize the disruption special ability. If the wearer is wielding two magical melee weapons or a magical double weapon, she may choose which one weapon or end to change. This ability functions three times per day and cannot be reactivated until a previous duration ends.
Construction
Requirements Craft Arms and Armor, Craft Wondrous Item, greater magic weapon, mnemonic enhancer; [/b]Cost[/b] 2,350 gp (+1), 5,250 gp (+2), 9,400 gp (+3), 14,750 gp (+4), 21,175 gp (+5)
Pri.. what? A Reprise of iron plastic? The name is a bad choice, I get where it is coming from andi could easily research what it means, but then all your name did was make me do work and not be excited about your item.
Again a multi-item. These almost always lack focus and/ or a too generic to be called inspiring.
Hm. I think this is supposed to be a magical ability stealing item like I suggested in one of the above. My biggest point is that it doesn't actually tell me how it works. It just tells me that what exactly I can steal is based on the exact Type of item I have, and it never tells me how. It just gives me a confusing example.
This could have been something very cool, if it was designed a bit tighter. Maybe focus on one version and clearly determine how it will work.
Laurel of Magnificence
Aura Faint Enchantment(Copper) or Moderate Enchantment(Silver, Gold); CL 5th Slot Head; Price 5700gp(Copper), 10400gp(Silver), 17100gp (Gold); Weight —
Description
This crown of delicate, shining leaves emits a warm and lucid light, granting a triumphant aura to its wearer. The most common laurels are made from thin copper, or pure silver, although laurels of gold leaves are not unheard of. Tales of champions wearing the golden laurel with pride are exchanged in admiration by warriors and knights alike. Once(Copper), Twice(Silver), or Thrice(Gold) per day as a free action, after a successfully performed combat maneuver you may choose to take one of three fighting stances to perform a champion's maneuvers.
Tactical Champion: While you are in this stance, you may ignore a target's cover, full defense and size bonuses to AC and CMD (if any).
Countering Champion: While you are in this stance, any opponent you threaten who takes any sort of movement, including a 5-foot step, provokes an attack of opportunity from you. Furthermore, any opponent you strike cannot make attacks of opportunity for a round.
Overwhelming Champion: While you are in this stance, you don't provoke attacks of opportunity when performing a combat maneuver, once per round you may attempt a disarm instantly after a successful melee attack, you may use any weapons while grappled and you can make a full attack at the end of a charge instead of a single attack.
You can't select the same stance more than once per day, and taking a stance while you are in another stance will automatically cancel the previous one. Each stance has a duration of 3 rounds
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Heroism; Cost 2850gp (Copper), 5700gp (Silver), 8550gp (Gold);
And again a multi item.
Fighting stances are a weird choice for an item. I would look for them in feats, but not what I would expect of an item.
All these stances are quite powerful so your item might well be underpriced.
Final thought: Meh. Don't have too much about this. Fighting stances might be interesting as feats, but in items I couldn't care less for them.
Shroud of Necromorphosis
Aura moderate necromancy and transmutation; CL 11th
Slot -; Price 3,600 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
A disturbing stench of decay hangs heavily on this tattered rag of yellowing linen and numerous bloody stains cover its surface.
When placed over the corpse of a medium-sized creature of the humanoid type the corpse’s features are imprinted onto the shroud, and the face of the corpse is temporarily erased. This impression remains for an hour at which point, it fades away and the corpse’s visage reappears.
If the shroud is carefully placed over a living medium-sized humanoid creature, before the impression fades, the shroud melds with that creature, changing its appearance to exactly match that, which the corpse had in life. At the same time the corpse is transformed to appear as a dead version of the shroud’s bearer.
The shroud radiates a strong necromantic aura and a weaker transformation aura. Most detection spells, including true seeing, will not foil the disguise.
After each full hour the shroud’s bearer takes 1d4 point of Charisma damage, as the bearer's body rapidly starts to decompose.
If the shroud is not removed, by speaking the command word, within one hour of the impression’s creation, the corpse it was taken from rises as a revenant with the shroud bearer’s face. The shroud bearer becomes the subject of the revenant’s Reason to Hate ability.
If the bearer dies, the shroud separates from the bearer and the impression disappears. If the shroud is otherwise removed the impression also disappears. In either case a risen revenant is immediately destroyed. The shroud of necromorphsis can be used 1/day – all manners of use are a full-round action.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, alter self, create undead; Cost 1,800 gp
The auras you give in the header and the once in the description don't match each other.
If I can't remove the shroud without ruining the transformation the only way I could benefit from this item is to fool others about my death, but for that I have to wear a shroud, suffer ability damage and have the corpse rise as a revenant, which kind of ruins the whole scheme.
And even then this one specific use is pretty much the definition of a plot device. The item is a device that can bring one specific plot to life and move it along, but not anything more.
Phoenix Knights' Misericorde
Aura strong conjuration and enchantment; CL 15th
Slot neck; Price 22,425 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This dagger-shaped pendant is made of a transparent, volcanic. Its crimson core beats with a faint, golden light. “Pick me up. Send me home,” it whispers to friendly ears.
Favored by knights opposing the foulest spawn of the lower planes, the pendant is activated and deactivated by a command word. When active, the magic of the item is triggered when the wearer is killed or is the subject of a successful attack that would trap or destroy their soul.
When triggered, the pendant pierces the wearer’s heart, and its hollow core fills with blood. The wearer’s soul is drawn into the core. The pendant then teleports away as the body is consumed in a column of fire, which fills the square it occupied for 15 rounds causing 3d6 points of fire damage per round to any creature inside (DC 19 reflex save for half).
The pendant appears either in a preset location, or in a random location upon dry land within 150’ of a member of the owners race; the choice is made upon activation, and usually determined by whether the wearer’s home is about to be overrun. The soul can draw creatures towards itself with a sympathy spell, once per day. It may whisper to anyone within 10’, and perceives its surroundings through the senses of anyone in physical contact.
The presence of the soul and part of the body combined within this item allows a raise dead spell to restore the wearer to life, as an exception to the normal requirements of that spell. Similarly, the wearer can be regenerated.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Item, flaming sphere, sympathy, trap the soul, teleport; Cost 11,212 gp
“This dagger-shaped pendant is made of a transparent, volcanic.” what? a transparent , volcanic what?
delete the next sentence. It irritates me. ;)
As for the effects, I'm not too sure about them. It is an awefully specific protection and I get a certain tingle of PC paranoia when I read it. After all it is basically a means to assure the possibility of PC ressurection no matter what happens.
If the whole body is consumed by flames, how can the pendant and a part of the body be brought together afterwards?
Gem of Enduring Legacy
Aura Strong Divination; CL 15th
Slot -; Price 86,000 gp; Weight -
Description
Souls of ancient rulers form a chorus of kings indentured to provide guidance and insight to heirs who bear this extravagant jewel while enforcing a natural order of succession. The gem is commonly affixed to a crown, scepter, or other symbol of office but must be carried or worn to function. The gem attunes itself to the bearer over a period of 24 hours after which its powers may be used.
Once per day as an immediate action, the bearer may gain a +15 insight bonus to AC against a single attack or saving throw. Alternatively, this insight bonus may be applied to a single Charisma based or Knowledge skill check per day, and the user is treated as trained for that check. Regardless of the use, the insight bonus must be applied before knowing the outcome.
The bearer may call upon the chorus of kings once daily as a standard action to give counsel on future events. Only the user perceives this guidance and the exact nature of these manifestations are determined by the GM. Due to the cryptic nature of this guidance, the omens prove accurate 85% of the time. Sometimes, when the kingdom is in dire need, the omens manifest spontaneously as thoughts, dreams, or other visions at the GM’s discretion, and this spontaneous use counts as the daily use of the ability.
The soul of an attuned bearer joins the chorus of kings immediately upon death. Attempts to raise the bearer of the gem via Conjuration (healing) magic must make a caster level check (DC 25) or the spell fails.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Divination, Moment of Prescience; Cost 43,000gp
This doesn't seem to be slotless, but can be one of various slots. Like Head or Neck. And it could even be a Rod ( scepter)
Your first paragraph pretty much yells “Plot device” and “Setpiece, not for PC hands” to me.
+15 is a huge bonus. And basically a slightly limited moment of prescience in a can.
And the second eefect is simply a divination in a can.
And I spy a “GM's discretion”, which is always a bad sign, but at least you used the Right term ( GM).
Whispering Watcher
Aura faint divination; CL 3rd
Slot —; Price 1,200 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.
Description
This silver statuette, usually crafted in the shape of a crouching pseudodragon, quivers subtly when touched.
Three times per day as a standard action, when holding the statuette in hand, the user can mentally command it to open its mouth and emit powerful but inaudible vibrations in a 30-foot-radius burst. This is a sonic effect.
The air ripples around solid and liquid matter caught in the burst, making any invisible corporeal creatures and objects appear as blurred, indistinct shapes for three rounds. Affected creatures gain no bonus on Stealth checks for being invisible, but for all other purposes they are still considered invisible.
The vibrations do not affect visual figments like they affect real objects and creatures, and therefore, all creatures within line of sight receive a Will save to disbelieve any such illusions within the burst.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, detect magic, ghost sound, see invisibility; Cost 600 gp
Hm. Nice. At first it read a bit like a toned down and well presented Glitterdust in a can with a nice flavor, but the added benefit of uncovering illusions really makes this one shine. I absolutely like it.
No real quaffels or suggestions, aside from that the price might be a tad too low. Great work.
Amulet of Reverse Incantation
Aura faint abjuration; CL 5th
Slot neck; Price 16,200 gp; Weight —
Description
Suspended on this amulet’s delicate silver chain is an ivory cameo of a bearded, old wizard with identical faces on either side of his head. Three times per day, the amulet allows its wearer to recite spells with verbal components backwards and achieve a reverse effect, under the following circumstances:
Diametric Effect: If the wearer casts a spell that can counter or dispel another specific spell, he may activate the amulet to spontaneously convert the spell being cast into the spell which it specifically counters (for example, haste would be converted into slow).
Bonus/Penalty: If the wearer casts a spell that grants a bonus or penalty, he may activate the amulet so that a bonus-granting spell instead incurs an equal penalty and vice versa (for example, bull’s strength would incur a -4 penalty instead of granting a +4 bonus to Strength). A spell that consequently incurs a penalty instead of a bonus is no longer considered harmless (if it ever was). When used this way, the amulet cannot affect spells that have a permanent duration.
Cure/Inflict Spell: Lastly, if the wearer casts a cure or inflict spell, she may activate the amulet to spontaneously convert the spell being cast into the other type of the same spell level (for example, cure moderate wounds would be converted into inflict moderate wounds).
Activating the amulet is a free action.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, tongues, dispel magic; Cost 8,100 gp
Reserving spell effects is a troublesome concept, something like this has to be reigned with a strong hand and is nearly impossible to price. (for example a ray of enfeeblement would now give a 1d6+1/2Cl bonus to strength. How would a reversed stoneskin or iron body work, a reversed polymorph? )
I think that you are doing quite well for such a difficult task and are keeping things under control. The first and third effects seem to be fine, but the second one might as well be a can of worms (reversed mage armor might be another example).
But no matter much trouble it is crafting an item like this without making something totally broken, it is at least as difficult to determine whether the result is broken. And with that you are expecting an extra effort from the judges or anybody who wants to use your item, that most won't be willing to do for the effects you provide. I would most likely discard it as “most likely broken”, because I'm not intrigued enough by the concept to actually check whether it really is.
Smoldering Sack
Aura faint evocation and transmutation; CL 5th
Slot -; Price 4,000 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
This soot-colored sack is approximately 1 foot by 2 feet in size and appears from the outside to be filled with lumpy stones. Opening the sack reveals that it is in fact filled with smoldering coals, which produce moderate heat and a faint red glow. Any creature that reaches into the sack, or any object that enters the sack, takes 1d6 points of fire damage per round.
Once per day, the wielder of the smoldering sack can open the sack and command it to create a 20-ft. cube of fireworks or smoke adjacent to the wielder. These effects function as the pyrotechnics spell (DC 13), counting the sack as the fire source, except that they only affect creatures within the 20-ft. cube rather than within the normal range of the effects.
Additionally, if any fire source at least as large as a torch is ever placed within the smoldering sack, the sack explodes 1d4+1 rounds later, dealing 5d6 points of fire damage to all creatures within 20 ft. (Reflex DC 14 half) and creating fireworks or smoke (DC 13, randomly determine with equal chance of each) within that area. Dumping the coals out of the sack or destroying the sack also causes it to explode, with no delay. However it is produced, the explosion destroys the sack.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, pyrotechnics, fireball; Cost 2,000 gp
A sack of always smoldering coals would be a cool item without any actual game effects.
Your first effect is just a focus for a pyrotechnics spell, which while neat is far from earth shattering.
I'm still interested in your second ability, you still have me on the hook . I read it and... IT'S A BOMB!.
While I don't necessarily really like the effect, it made me smile and even glee a bit, so thats a good thing :). I would have preferred something like an unlimited supply of hot coals to throw at enemies or hide in the stupid rangers shoes, but A BOMB is ok too :).
Gauntlets of Desperate Defense
Aura Moderate transmutation; CL 11th
Slot hands; Price 40,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
These silvery-gray adamantine locked gauntlets are often embossed with the symbol of the Knights of Ozem. When their wearer becomes nauseated, panicked, paralyzed, or stunned the gauntlets spring to life. The wearer doesn't drop held items when panicked or stunned; this ability applies even if the gauntlets are not locked. The wearer also continues to threaten squares, take attacks of opportunity, and count as an ally for the purposes of teamwork feats normally despite their nauseated, panicked, paralyzed, and/or stunned conditions. If one of these conditions would cause the wearer to be treated as having a Strength or Dexterity of 0, they ignore this penalty for the purposes of resolving any attacks of opportunity they take.
Should the wearer successfully hit and cause damage by taking an attack of opportunity allowed by the gauntlets despite a debilitating condition, they immediately receive another saving throw (if one was allowed to begin with) against each spell or effect that causes one of these conditions using the same DC as the original effect. If successful, the effect ends. If the wearer hits with an attack of opportunity and damages an enemy that is attempting to deliver a coup de grace to them, the coup de grace is prevented and the enemy instead automatically hits for normal damage.
The wearer is otherwise subject to normal penalties for their conditions and usual limitations on attacks of opportunity. The gauntlets only function when worn by a living creature.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, animate objects, remove paralysis, status; Cost 20,000 gp
Hmm. Magical locked gauntlets, thats something new, but who are the knights of Ozrem, and why should I care?
The concept of allowing your character to do something when he is incapacitated is intrigueing, and you are limiting it to a specific set of options. I'm not too sure about the list of conditions. I don't see why paniced and nauseated are on the list, as it would be pretty hard for the gauntlets to really control the character in situations like these, since the character is still in full ocntrol of his body and just busy doing something else than fighting. I would simply limit it to Paralyzed, unconscious, and maybe stunned. In that case you are much more focused in your design, and after all those (except stunned) are the only of the listed conditions where the character actually is helples, and therefor suspect to coup de graces.
Rucksack of Instant Armament
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot —; Price 3,000 gp Weight 3 lbs.
Description
Originally designed to allow mobility outside of combat while benefiting from heavy armor, this item has also become popular with spies who frequently change their identities. Expertly crafted of thick leather with a wood frame, the main compartment of this pack is large enough for an entire suit of full plate armor when disassembled and stacked. Its secondary compartment can hold up to 15 pounds or 1 cubic foot of equipment.
As long as the only item stored in the main compartment is a complete suit of armor or a single outfit of clothing, the wearer may activate the pack by command word. When activated, the pack opens and the armor or clothing quickly warps, whips, and slides into place across the wearer's body, replacing the previously worn garments. The replaced clothing or armor is neatly stacked in the main compartment and the pack closes itself. Neither set of garments is damaged in this transposition and all other equipment worn remains in place by adjusting for the new attire.
The pack will not activate if its user is in a tight space or the movement of the armor is otherwise restricted (i.e. user is squeezing, grappled, or carrying a large object in both arms). However, the pack will work for a mounted user.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, telekinesis; Cost 1,500 gp
This seems to be a rip-off of the Iron-man suitcase from Iron man 2.
And there was a ring of armament in the Magic item compendium which did just this.
This is useful, but not exciting or intriguing.
Aura strong transmutation; CL 16th
Slot eyes; Price 63,000 gp; Weight —
Description
A silver figure-eight uniting two mirror lenses, this simple mask hides only the eyes and brow. When a command word is whispered these lenses briefly reveal a world of dizzying temporal depth: for a split second the histories and destinies of living creatures appear as things which swift hands might reach out and take. Once per day (and after wearing them for at least 24 hours) the Eyes of the Time Thief may be activated to steal from an adjacent creature's past, present or future, as described below. None of these effects allow a save; instead, the wearer makes a Sleight of Hand check as a standard action against the listed DC. She must choose which effect she is attempting before making the roll.
Take the Future (DC 20): The target becomes slowed for 10 rounds, and the wearer is affected as by the haste spell for 10 rounds.
Rob the Past (DC 30): You "steal" up to five minutes of the target's memory. This takes effect immediately, and allows you to recall the stolen memories as if they were your own, but otherwise duplicates the first application of modify memory.
Seize the Present (DC 40): The target is briefly frozen in time (paralyzed) for 1 round, and the wearer immediately gains a free round of apparent time in which to act (as the spell time stop, but lasting only one round).
The wearer must also succeed at a melee touch attack against targets who are aware of her in combat. Out of combat, targets don't even notice the attempt unless they succeed at an opposed Perception check (similar to other uses of the Sleight of Hand skill).
Construction
Requirements haste, modify memory, time stop; Cost 31,500 gp
This is definitely well written.
I'm not sure if I like the activation by skill check, but since the result is nott directly dependent on the exact result of the skill check I'm fine with it.
Ability 1: I like it. Simple, neat, flavorful.
Ability 2: Something very different, so might border SAK, but so far the theme is still tight, so you might be fine.
Ability 3: Free actions are very powerful ( you are duplicating a level 9 spell after all) and a major balance concern.
That the abilities are touch ranged comes a bit late in the description, I would have liked to know that before reading the individual abilities.
All in all it is a neat concept and a safe approach to playing with time based items. This is well written and the only issue is that it is dangerously close to a SAK and has to hope to haul itself out of it by sheer awesomeness.
Paak’s Configuration Clasp
Aura faint transmutation; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 700 gp; Weight -
Description
This clasp appears to be a belt-buckle adorned by a single black carbuncle shot through with silver veins. When attached to a quiver, pouch, or backpack, it transforms the container into a different type of container - a quiver into a crossbow case or a backpack into a belt pouch for instance. Any magic abilities possessed by the object are retained, except that in the case of quiver or case, the type of ammunition the container is used for may change. An Efficient Quiver, for instance, could be changed to hold Sling Stones or Shuriken without effecting any other aspect of the Quiver’s function.
It can be attached to any container, magical or mundane, and can adjust it up to one size category up or down. Mundane containers have their internal volume increased or decreased as normal, but extra-dimensional and non-dimensional spaces are unaffected (though their openings might change in size).
If removed from the container it enchants, the container immediately reverts to its previous form, and any contents that are no longer able to be stored within appear next to the container.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Secret Chest; Cost 350 gp
It's a magic item you can add to magic items. I'm not sure I like that.
It allows you to remove on of the mayor restrictions of bags of holdings ( that they are big and heavy). But even it wasn't an issue, I can't see myslef being wowed over an item that allows me to transform my shoe into a pouch, or a sack into a belt. Thats what sewing needles are for ;)
Final thought: maybe useful, but not exciting enough, not even closely.
Sky Barnacle
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 10th
Slot none; Price 5,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
This dome of blackened iron bears flowing prose written in Auran around its outer edge. When placed against a large flat side of an object and given a twist(a move action), the Barnacle attaches itself and emits a golden glow(as a candle).
The Barnacle can be attached to any inanimate object with a flat surface at least 10 inches across(the size of the Barnacle). While attached a Sky Barnacle serves to reduce the weight of the object by 2,000 pounds. If an object becomes weightless after attaching a Sky Barnacle it will begin to lift lazily into the air, floating about as if on an invisible sea.
In this state, the object can be pushed or pulled into the air or over obstacles. When pushed away it will only travel 5 feet before drifting to a stop. The object will stay in roughly the same orientation it was in when the Barnacle was attached allowing goods to be stored without fear of the object capsizing. For the purpose of pushing or pulling the object, it is considered to weigh only one-tenth normal.
For larger objects, the effects of attaching multiple Barnacles combine, decreasing the weight accordingly(by 2,000 pounds per Barnacle).
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Levitation; Cost 2,500 gp
When I read “Sky barnacle” I think “monster” and not “wondrous item”.
I remember an artifact in the Exalted Rpg (all magic items are called artifacts there) that does exactly what your item does. That might have been a problem.
This too doesn't grab me, excite me, intrigue me, or make me want to do fun stuff with it. It simply is there, may be useful, but when searching for the greatest item of items I will simply pass it and soon forget about it.
Featherweight Slippers
Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot feet; Price 6,000 gp; Weight -
Description
These waterproof slippers are made of paper and glue, with a feather affixed on each heel. When you wear featherweight slippers, you step lightly with the weight of a feather. You leave no footprints, as if you were walking on hard ground, can walk across a grassy field with blades of grass bending slightly under you, or stand upon the thin branches at the top of a tree. You can step on most pressure plates and similar devices without activating them, and walk at half speed on the surface of still water, oil, or similar liquids without submerging. You do not sink into sand or snow, so these forms of terrain do not hamper your movement.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, levitate; Cost 3,000 gp
When I read the name I immediately thought of Zelda: Ocarina of time.
And so this works nearly exactly as I envisioned it to work, even if I'm somewhat surprised that it works constantly at that price.
After all a ring of water walking costs 15,000 gp and this does more and costs about a third.
So thats an obvious pricing error.
But aside from that this isn't particularly innovative or insiring.
Amulet of the Mana Wastes
Aura Moderate Abjuration; CL 9th
Slot Neck; Price 30,000 gp; Weight -
Description
There are gems that are permanently altered by the swirling chaos storms of the Mana Wastes. When properly enchanted and set in an amulet these precious stones greatly impair the abilities of casters. When this amulet is exposed to normal or bright light the amulet causes any caster within 30 feet to take 1d6 points of nonlethal damage when they try to cast a spell. The caster can still cast the spell with a successful Concentration check. This also affects anyone who attempts to use a spell completion or spell trigger magic item. Any item that is always active is unaffected by this item.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Alarm, Pain Strike, Mass; Cost 15,000 gps
This is pretty expensive for what it does. At the point where you can reasonably afford the item 1d6 of nonlethal damage is merely a minor inconvenience and the resulting concentration checks are trivial.
Your party casters will hate you though. Because over the course of the day this damage and checks really will start to get annoying.
Aside from that I kinda like it, even if the idea is not particularly new ( compare the chime of interruption)
Weaver's Kerchief
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 9th
Slot —; Price 116,680 gp; Weight —
Description
Once per day the owner of this web-patterned kerchief may issue a command that allows them to translocate up to 760-feet, as if they had used dimension door. The destination must either be in line of sight or be a position that they have previously seen and studied. The translocation is masked by a billowing cloud of dusky, metallic smoke that solidifies into a rough sphere that is 20-feet in diameter and composed of surprisingly rigid and resilient web.
Those within the cloud as it solidifies must succeed at a Reflex save (DC 15) or become grappled. Regardless of the save, those within the cloud as it solidifies are now within the web’s area, which is considered difficult terrain. The web is laced with adamantine, thus making it quite durable and resistant to wear; those attempting to move through the web, or break free from it, must succeed at either a combat maneuver check or an Escape Artist check (DC 20). Failure of these checks will either continue the grapple, or causes the subject to become grappled. After nine rounds the web dissipates to a fine, inert dust that loses its metallic properties.
The web is not flammable, however it is conductive of electricity and if the web is hit with an electrical attack it deals an additional 2d4 points of electrical damage to those within its latticework, regardless of if they were the target of the electrical-based attack.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, dimension door, major creation, web, a piece of adamantine worth 50 gp; Cost 58,340 gp
don't like the name.
And what weaver can afford a 116k gp kerchief?
This price seems to be waay expensive for a 1/day dimension door with an added web/ difficult terrain effect.
Where does the web appear? Start or destination?
Web is missing from the reuqirements.
Siak and a bit of SAK pretty much sum this item up for me. And I don't get what this item has to do with Weavers. Or kerchiefs ( except from its physical form) for that matter.
Ok, this is taking me forever at the pace I'm going. I think I need to pick up some speed. but thats it for today. I'll tackle page 2 tomorrow.
Philosopher's Spell Guilders
Thanks for taking the time Neil,
Sometimes you fall in love with an idea and you get tunnel vision. I still think this is a stand up item. I use these for NPCs to give them a little extra punch without handing the PCs huge quantities of treasure. But clearly it's just not good contest material. Oh well.
Can anyone tell me if single use metamagic items have been published elsewhere?