Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 8
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Below are the results of the first part of an experiment I like to call “being the Judge”.
I went through the first page of items posted here and tried to compile my thoughts one every single one of them, in oder to get a glimpse of the judges' side of the competition and to help my fellow contestants with my feedback.
After I list my results I will sum up some of the things I have learned while doing so.
-list-
+1 for the huge list.
Ok guys here goes
Aura Faint Transmutation; CL 5th
Slot Hands; Price 45,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Emblazoned with intricate arcane sigils, these distressed linen wraps wind around the wearer’s hands and forearms, displaying a continuous flowing mantra. The Wraps of Stolen Swiftness, provide phenomenal skill in combat by bestowing the wearer with a burst of inhuman speed and awareness, while drawing that speed from an opponent.
Three times per day, the wearer of the wraps may activate them by delivering an unarmed strike on an opponent as a touch attack. If struck, the target of this attack is debilitated as the speed is siphoned off of them, rendering them under the effects of the slow spell, (DC 14 Will save negates.) The energy stolen from the target is channeled directly into the wielder, granting them the effects of the haste spell. The duration of both these conditions is 5 rounds.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, haste, slow; Cost 22,500 gp
Interesting concept, but here are my concerns: (1) very video-game feel to the item (2) activation requires an effective unarmed attack first, which really limits this item to monks. (3) How many combats does a group go through a day? In three of those this PC would be hasted! That is a high number of daily uses. (4) It is a canned spell (which isn't nearly as bad a thing as some make it out to be) and (5) The cost seems excessive.
My two cents...
Anthrorob
RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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Azmahel, that's super-fantastic. Nice job, individually and collectively.
One other note I would add: there are different ways of making an impression. Boomer's "Monkey Pants" are silly, and work. "Migrus Locker" is creepy, and works. "Last Leaves of the Autumn Dryad" is emotionally evocative, and works. And this year, Matt designed his "Batrachian Helm" to take advantage of new opportunities in the Pathfinder rules system. And it works, too.
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Below are the results of the first part of an experiment I like to call “being the Judge”.
Many thanks for the comments on Namu's Claddaghs. I should have called the items 'Heartstones' to make it clear that they could be placed in any setting, to distance them further from rings.
Deriving a price was very tricky, since they don't follow the formula. I estimated that they could result in two extra useful castings of heal per day and priced from that - per pair.
My major problem is that I love backstory in my items, unlike Clark. This was also my only idea this year - a few days before the competition closed - and I couldn't really make the move from initial idea to superstar item.
Okay, I have just had a look at the advanced creature template, and even assuming just one use a day to apply the 'stronger' option to a summon monster it seems to me like the item might be undercosted.
Next, your layout/presentation isn't so good. I started going through the item and assumed that weaker was an option you could choose to apply, stronger was an option you could choose to apply, mishap was an option you could choose to apply... And then had to stop and do a double-take and read it again to try and figure out how it actually worked. I'm still not sure that you can't summon 'weaker stronger' (or should it be 'stronger weaker'?) creatures in one go (at a possible 20% mishap chance if the item is previous unused today and the creatures are not Spirit Bound) for a net effect of twice as many creatures as normal.
With regard to Spirit Bound, I don't think it's at all sufficiently clear as to what it does. Do I only need to perform the ritual once for the creature type 'lantern archon', and every lantern archon I summon will be super-duper strong, or come forth in angelic hordes? Or do I need to perform it once for lantern archon Andrew, once for lantern archon Bob, one for lantern archon Claude... Except I don't think that Pathfinder RPG rules yet cover summoning specific monsters with summon monster.
For that matter Spirit Bound can be read as the ritual requires the creature to be standing around for an hour, waiting, whilst the ritual takes place - only the maximum time on the clock at present under PFRPG rules for an extended summons is four minutes unless you're a conjuration specialised wizard of at least 20th level...
And then on top of that, the ability to be able to use the Totem time after time after time without mishap to call up the same creature type (or specific creatures) whilst you burn through a wand of summon monster seems to me to be potentially undercosted....
I think you had an interesting idea here, but that you badly executed it.
Wonderful points, thanks!
Yeah I needed to make it clear that you got to choose either Weaker or Stronger. Then had to worry about mishaps. Then a separate ability under mishap about doing the spirit bounding.
The intent of the tooth or bone fragment was to require a natural non-summoned piece of the creature to be attached to the totem. Since summoned creatures vanish, as do any bone fragments. Just in case the DM rules differently on body parts I put the ritual at an hour to stop PCs from summoning the creature to get the piece required.
I guess also a better approach, but not hard to do in 300 words, would be to have lesser, normal, and greater versions of the totem. Which would each have a higher cost, one for 1-3, 4-6 and 7-9 level summon spells. That way it can be useful for low level summoners and a variant for high level summoners.
I bet one of the reasons it was rejected was cost... argh. I tried to increase the cost through the spirit bounding ritual. I guess bad play on my part.
First year, I submitted a summon enhancing item, rejected.
Second year, I submitted an evil pet enhancer item, top 32.
Third year, I submitted a summon enhancing item, rejected.
Lesson learned; summon enhancing items not good, creepy evil things good.
There are some great items here and in the top 32. So I can see the competition was intense. However, I would still love to get some feedback on the one I submitted. Thanks in advance.
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 7th
Slot eyes; Price 56,000 gp; Weight –
This circular, crystal lens is framed by a gold band and dangles from a fine gold chain meant to be attached to the wearer's clothing for handy retrieval. The device appears to be an optical enhancement piece normally worn by aged members of the aristocracy. When placed over one eye, it not only lends the wearer an aura of uncompromising distain, but also grants a gaze attack that may be used as a standard action (one target per round). Targets failing a DC 16 Will save are subject to the item’s curse, which causes the victim to effectively roll a 1 on the next skill check they make regardless of when it occurs. The target is unaware of this effect, and may not take 10 to avoid this predicament. However, the curse may be broken as per the methods listed in the bestow curse spell.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, bestow curse; Cost 28,000 gp
I enjoyed the flavor text a great deal...however, I don't like that the (1) the item has no limit per day, (2)the victim doesn't know what hit him or her. At least give the victim a chance. The idea of being leered at by a jealous critic would imply that the victim was well aware of the item owner. It is almost like messing up when you know you are being closely watched...a deeply psychological response to stress. And (3) The price seems way out there. This item has the potential to be abused if you could use it every round.
Otherwise, pretty fun.
My two cents...
anthrorob
After reading through people's wondrous items here to be critiqued (even my own), its fairly easy to see why they weren't considered "Superstar" items. I think it goes to show how difficult making a truly unique and standout item is to do. Heck, 95% of all wondrous items in the published splat books (and I have quite a few!) wouldn't make it in this competition!
(BTW, my item is on page 2 if anyone wants to critique it)
:)
I'll get to page 2 tomorrow :)
Thanks to all who liked what i did, it was fun.
Time consuming and tiring, yet fun. i fully intend to continue this experiment, we will see what pearls of wisdom it will yield.
Btw: feedback on my item will be appreciated :-D
Thanks Azmahel!
Star Voter Season 6
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I'll get to page 2 tomorrow :)
Thanks to all who liked what i did, it was fun.
Time consuming and tiring, yet fun. i fully intend to continue this experiment, we will see what pearls of wisdom it will yield.
Btw: feedback on my item will be appreciated :-D
i would rate back... but i've lost where you are...
i would rate back... but i've lost where you are...I'll get to page 2 tomorrow :)
Thanks to all who liked what i did, it was fun.
Time consuming and tiring, yet fun. i fully intend to continue this experiment, we will see what pearls of wisdom it will yield.
Btw: feedback on my item will be appreciated :-D
Oh, I'm easy to find: first item, first page.
RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32
aka Bats Kabber
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Below are the results of the first part of an experiment I like to call “being the Judge”.
Meditation Beads of the Shocking Fist
** spoiler omitted **...
Dredan & Azmahel
Thank you very much for your feedback!! I really appreciate it!! A couple quick responses, just to let you know what I was thinking.
The item is meant to be a suite of items. One type for every magic weapon type, flaming frost, shock, all of those. (Imagine my excitement when one of the judges posted that they had an item in the finals they were considering for just that!!)
The meditation beads store Ki Points. It’s never been done and it ties in with new Pathfinder Ki pool mechanic. I was hoping that would get me the “innovation” nod.
The beads can then be use to grant a monk the same abilities as magic weapon. All the Kung Fu movies have monks that have shocking fists, burning fists, cold fists. Everybody who uses a weapon can buy one that does that stuff. Monks just get left out of all the flashy cool damage dealing weapons. These beads let them join in the fun. I was hoping that would get me the “superstar mojo" nod. – too bad I botched the submission.
I originally went with Shocking Grasp, but changed it after noting many of the judges hammering past items for using low level spells (1st level in particular) for their items. A little more research and I decided to use the same specs as a shock weapon. This also makes it easy to adapt them to a new weapon type. The requirements are the same.
The Ki Pool was a tough requirement to put in. I found one other item that requires the creator to “be a monk”. I wasn’t sure that was good enough for an item that stores Ki points. It just didn’t seem right to let a monk without Ki points make an item that stores them. Plus it then opens it up to any future prestige classes that may grant a Ki Pool.
I wasn’t comfortable with the pricing either. It was one of the big things I wanted feedback on, so thanks for bringing it up. There was no precedent for storing Ki. The “shock” ability is only listed as “+1” So I basically had to price it as if it were a spell storing shocking weapon. The Ki Pool requirement brought down the cost a little from there. I had to write a formula in excel to calculate it for me. In the end the tiers seemed pretty close to the level requirements I was looking for. 4760 is about right for 5th level monk who could use a shock attack and/or an extra Ki point here and there.
Alternatively, using these rules, you could potentially use the burst mechanic as well. “Fists of Shocking Burst’, but since the duration is limited by the number of stored Ki points, it’s not as practical.
That was the thought process, mostly here for next years’ 1st time submitters. That was my 1st time submission and how I came up with it. I read all of your posts from previous years and found them very helpful. So I hope this helps someone down the road. Thanks to all those who took the time to give me a little feedback. It was very helpful and much appreciated.
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Star Voter Season 6
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Aura faint abjuration and necromancy; CL 5th
Slot throat; Price 1400 gp; Weight —
This small pouch, which holds two tarnished silver coins, is made of chafed, gray burial shroud, and worn around the neck with a simple leather strip. Some pouches also contain other mostly archaic symbols of life, death and passage such as animal bones, salt or scarabs, but the coins are always present. All items except for the coins may safely be removed from the pouch, but should the coins ever be removed the ferryman's toll ceases to function until they are returned.The ferryman's toll enforces the natural passage between life and death, and prevents malevolent spirits from returning. It is highly prized by those who fear the wrath of a recently deceased as well as those who battle the undead and wish not to join their ranks should they falter.
As long as the ferryman's toll is placed around the neck of a dead creature it prevents the creature from rising as an undead for any reason. If worn by a living creature, it gains the same protection from rising as an undead should it die, but it is also bolstered against some of their most feared attacks, gaining a +2 sacred bonus on all saving throws against curses and diseases from undead creatures. If the ferryman's tolls wearer is dying, he suffers a -2 penalty on Constitution checks to stabilize himself.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, bleed, consecrate, remove curse, remove disease; Cost 700 gpNow, where is Sean's thread ? ;)
nice, an interesting mythological twist, not so sure about the complete prevention of rising as undead... maybe give it spell resistance? the sacred bonus makes it useful for characters (no adventurer would ever wear it for any other reason) but i'm wondering if it maybe should be tied in with the number of coins in the bag? (though that might be overcomplicating things), unfortutantly this is way more professional than mine, so i'm probably not the best to coment
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RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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Oh, I'm easy to find: first item, first page.
There are a number of small language and punctuation issues. (A note about idiomatic expressions: deceased as a noun always uses the article the. "The deceased was a hateful man." With the article a, the word is always an adjective. "It's difficult to keep dogs from digging up a deceased relative.") (Dependent clauses and adverbial phrases at the beginning of a sentence are separated by a comma; this isn't necessary when they are placed at the end of a sentence: "Last fall, I shot a man. As he lay bleeding, he met my eyes and chuckled." "I shot a man last fall. He met my eyes and chuckled as he lay bleeding.")
Azmahel, I'll confess that you did something I really like. The item is useful to put around the neck of a dead character, so the obvious question is: why not walk around with this active on your PC all the time? You give us both an excuse to do so, and a very nice reason not to: the penalty to the stabilization check. (Most of my parties go into battle under the effects of lesser vigor if they can help it, which obviates the concern for stabilization, but I realize that's not an option under the Pathfinder ruleset.) (It doesn't impose a penalty on the Heal check to stabilize an ally, does it?)
Homework Question: which spell effects in Pathfinder don't stack with the bonus this item gives its living wearers?
There are a number of small language and punctuation issues. (A note about idiomatic expressions: deceased as a noun always uses the article the. "The deceased was a hateful man." With the article a, the word is always an adjective. "It's difficult to keep dogs from digging up a deceased corpse.")
Azmahel, I'll confess that you did something I really like. The item is useful to put around the neck of a dead character, so the obvious question is: why not walk around with this active on your PC all the time? You give us both an excuse to do so, and a very nice reason not to: the penalty to the stabilization check. (Most of my parties go into battle under the effects of lesser vigor if they can help it, which obviates the concern for stabilization, but I realize that's not an option under the Pathfinder ruleset.) (It doesn't impose a penalty on the Heal check to stabilize an ally, does it?)
Homework Question: which spell effects in Pathfinder don't stack with the bonus this item gives its living wearers?
Thanks for the language advice. Everything that will improve my grasp of the English language is a good thing. :)
The item does what it says: it makes it harder for a creature to stabilize itself, just as if it had 2Hp fewer, it doesn't interfere with first aid or healing spells.
Homework: a quick search only gives me the good domain.
Re: Armband of the Viper
nice, simple idea, with a good, established imagery.
“The poison effect stacks with any weapon damage, including bonus damage dice,”
-of course it does. It's poison
“does not stack with any poison that deals Constitution damage, regardless of its source. Instead, additional attacks against a poisoned opponent extend the duration of the poison by one round and increase the save DC by +2 for each successful hit”
why whit every Constitution dmg dealing poison. This makes this item much better if you also have a potent poison.
Why do you italize poison every time?
What's the cure for your poison? I assume 1 save, but your item doesn't say so.
First off, thank you for taking the time to go over these. This is the first feedback I've gotten, and I do appreciate it :-)
This being a first time entry for me, I thought is best to keep it simple as throwing too many abilities into an item would give a greater margin for error, especially doing all the math. My main focus was a lack of items that dealt poison, and I couldn't justify handing out Daggers of Venom or Rods of the Viper to every member of an assassin's guild. The armband has better funtionality, to me, since it can be used with any weapon (or none, even), and has the appearance of simple jewelry to the untrained eye and therefore is easily "concealed". I know I may have gone overboard with the rules detials, but my game group had a lot to do with that, suggesting that it would be a better idea to be as specific as possible to avoid misinterpretation and possible abuse.
Questons they asked: Does it stack with energy damage or replace it? Question addressed. What kind of poison damage does it deal? If the item uses the spell, shouldn't the damage be based of the spell as well? What about multiple attacks? What if a monk uses it with flurry of blows? Dpes it wear off after one round, or continue to function like normal poison (regarding your duration question, that's addressed using the standard for poison as given in the conditions section of the core book)?
I think in an effort to address all those question, I made the effects TOO much like the spell (which is why the italics, BTW), and apparently created a "spell in a can" item, which apparently the judges don't like.
Mind you, I'm confused about that, too: The rules for magic item creation seem to lean towards "spell in a can" items, since you have to note what magics were used to make the item, so how do you twist it to be not a SAC without breaking the item creation rules? I thought I was pushing it as it is by letting the effect last a round each use instead of just one attack.
Oh, in case you're wondering, I did originally have it deal Strenght and Constitution damage and stack with any other poison, but again, the original spell doesn't DO that, so...
re: Wyrmwyrding Talons of Tiamat
Paizo actually makes use of Tiamat in Dragon's Revisited and in the 3rd book of Rise of the Runelords, anyway as someone mentioned before... Tiamat can't be copyrighted since its a Mythical figure, and along with Zeuz, Thor, Ishtar, an Quetzalcoatl can be owned by anyone.
She is also mentioned in Gods and Magic (page 52) as the mate of Apsu (Waybringer) and mother of Dahak (The Endless Destruction)
However, my thought on the item is that spending 1 charge or spending 5 charges still gives you the use of the feats. I'd rather have the ability 5 times, even at 5d4, than once at 5d12. Consider also that 5 rounds at 5d4 = 62.5 (average) extra damage. 1 round at 5d12 = 32.5 extra damage.
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Aura faint abjuration and necromancy; CL 5th
Slot throat; Price 1400 gp; Weight —
This small pouch, which holds two tarnished silver coins, is made of chafed, gray burial shroud, and worn around the neck with a simple leather strip. Some pouches also contain other mostly archaic symbols of life, death and passage such as animal bones, salt or scarabs, but the coins are always present. All items except for the coins may safely be removed from the pouch, but should the coins ever be removed the ferryman's toll ceases to function until they are returned.The ferryman's toll enforces the natural passage between life and death, and prevents malevolent spirits from returning. It is highly prized by those who fear the wrath of a recently deceased as well as those who battle the undead and wish not to join their ranks should they falter.
As long as the ferryman's toll is placed around the neck of a dead creature it prevents the creature from rising as an undead for any reason. If worn by a living creature, it gains the same protection from rising as an undead should it die, but it is also bolstered against some of their most feared attacks, gaining a +2 sacred bonus on all saving throws against curses and diseases from undead creatures. If the ferryman's tolls wearer is dying, he suffers a -2 penalty on Constitution checks to stabilize himself.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, bleed, consecrate, remove curse, remove disease; Cost 700 gpNow, where is Sean's thread ? ;)
Ooops... gotta head out of work. i'll do a more thorough review later... Did anyone catch that there is no "throat" slot? Only a neck slot?
'...some pouches also contain, etc, etc... coins are always present...' Is this sentence actually necessary, or is it going off-topic and a distraction?
I haggled over these for quite some time for exactly that reason. i decided to keep it in, for various reasons. But it might have been a mistake after all.
...The ferryman's toll enforces the natural passage between life and death, and prevents malevolent spirits from returning...' So are you saying here that the coins protect you against being possessed, or is this just more flavour text? I don't see any abjuration effects which keep a ghost, for example, at bay if one just keeps on bothering you (or in a gothic horror game possibly prevents one from trying to possess you).
Oh, yeah i can see where you are coming from. What i meant with this was the possible use of the 'toll, where you bury someone with it, because you suspect he might rise as a ghost or other malevolent undead (because you horribly wronged him), thereby preventing this haunting.
I didn't know about Charon in Golarion and I wanted to keep the item as setting neutral as possible, not talking about the actual rite of passage.
Thank you very much for your insight Charles, you mentioned some points i haven't seen or didn't know before, so yes that was indeed useful.
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I think I know what killed mine, but I'm still interested in hearing the actual comments.
Aura strong evocation; CL 16th
Slot --; Price 115,000 gp; Weight 1 ton
This immense horn is the size of several men, carved whole from the tusk of some identifiable creature. The horn is typically mounted on a large cart, with a raised podium allowing access to the mouthpiece.
Three times per day, when the horn is sounded as a standard action, it produces the effect of a sympathetic vibration for 16 rounds, with a range of 600'. This effect may target any structure, freestanding or not, and the horn may not be sounded again until the effect ends.
Skilled musicians may extract additional soundings per day by expending four rounds on bardic performance and succeeding at a DC 20 (+5 for each additional sounding) Perform (horn) check. A failed check means that the rounds of performance are wasted.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, sympathetic vibration; Cost 57,500 gp
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One thing to add to the above.
After doing this I am all the more thankful for all the work the Judges have done for us. I only had a tiny glimpse of the daunting task they have just mastered. And are doing it again, albeit to a lesser degree with this thread.
Sean, Clark, Wes, you all have my highest respect.
I agree, certainly its nightmarish achievement just to check them all, by the way, thanks for the comment in Hunter's Moon, I did make it a bit limited tying to make it not overpowered... je apparently I achieved the other side of the spectrum. :P
Edit: about the Ferriman's Toll
I am not good judge, and I think others have given better and more exhaustive feedback... I can only say that my cleric heading to Ustalav is getting one for herself :P
and I understand the neutral setting thing. its hard to know if one thing will help or not, I understand where this came, its a micture of customs, like the roman custom to put 2 silver coins in the eyes of a deseased body as other protection items and tokens used in other parts of the world..
mmm if its to protect a deseased person it might even be difficult to took it by vandals
I really liked it...
in Golarion surelly would be closer linked to Pharasma and her servants, maybe becoming the "Boneyard's toll"...
I know my cleric would use 2 silver sword replicas instead of coins... Iomedae's protection should not be dismissed :)
Developer
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8
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I think I know what killed mine, but I'm still interested in hearing the actual comments.
Maybe if it was a bit more than just a spell in a can, I could forgive it for weighing 1 ton. :) I like the general concept, though, and could certainly see this item showing up in a campaign at some point. But not really as something the PCs would want to carry around.
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Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7
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Thanks for the critique Anthrorob, I really appreciate it.
I may have edited this one more time before submitting it (changing or deleting the Craft requirement,) but here is the item I submitted. Please critique it.
-Reckless
I like this however:
(1)Maybe mention the "secret messages" Bluff skill use specifically in the description,
(*As a move action, the possessor may make a Bluff check to send a secret message of up to ten words to one target with a +5 competence bonus on the check using the whistle.*) I'm not sure what you mean here, since that is pretty specifically what it says.
(2)I assume how loud you blow the whistle determines the distance it can be heard, otherwise why would you ever blow it loudly?
Yes, that's pretty much the reason to blow it loudly. For instance, if your ally were outside the room you were in, or on the other side of a wall, etc. Basically, to overcome the distance and other modifiers under the Perception skill. I argued back and forth with myself on whether/how much I should reference these modifiers. In the end, I decided both GMs and the judges either knew those rules or could look them up.
(3) How is this an improvement over just using message? Is it a line of sight issue?
Message can be perceived by a Perception check (DC25), this has to be understood with a Sense Motive check, which far fewer creatures will be able to do. Better than just Bluff because of the +5 bonus to the check. Also, the +5 bonus to the target's Perception check.
(4)(shouldn't the craft be something like woodworking, carving or carpentry? ...and
I think I changed it in the submission, because, yes, it should be. I was trying to find the closest to "woodcarving" as an official subskill allowed. In the end, I think I either skipped it altogether or changed it to woodcarving or carpentry.
(5) I really don't like the disruption of spellcasters effect. It could be abused I think.
Well, since it's only once a day, and forces the caster to make a Concentration check as if fighting defensively (DC=15+2x spell level), it's not really all that powerful. But I can see where someone might worry about it.
Perhaps another angle would have been to allow the whistle user to disrupt sonic abilities like a bard's countersong? But that would have fallen into the "giving class powers away" category.
The bardic countersong was the inspiration, specifically the fact that countersong isn't useable against spells with a verbal component. I wanted to make it yet another reason a Bard would want it, as well as other classes, without stealing the Bard's thunder. Don't know if I succeeded.
Another angle would have been to add a sound burst like attack or something to do with crickets like maybe a jump bonus. Either way it is sort of a "spell in a can". Mind you, I think all the talking down of canned spell items is overblown. Some of the most useful items in the game are canned spells.
I could definitely see using something like this in my campaign with a few tweaks.
There...my two cents worth.
anthrorob
Yeah, I considered these items to make it more Cricket themed. I decided the jump was too cliche. The sound burst idea seemed like it would turn the whistle into too much of a spell can collection.
Thank you very much for the critique, I hope my explanations lend some more satisfaction to the Cricket Whistle.
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8
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Looks like I should've waited til later on in the thread to post! Anyway, here's my item again. I'll listen to anyone's feedback, though of course I'd also like to hear the Official Judges' feedback when they get to me.
This is a real world item (a combination of two, to be fair) though one such item did reach the top 32 in a previous year.
Cost seems very low for four strong unrelated effects, each usable once per day. I don't see a construction requirement supporting the Will save effect and can't really make out what you meant to represent by it.
Hay Steven,
This wasn't a hoax. let me answer to your comment:
1. Just because something have the word "WAND" in it's name - doesn't automayicaly makes it into a wand. this item transforms into wands of the kind of spells you already know (even if you don't have them memorised).
2. since this item have the ability to transform into diffrent wands I figured it would make sense to put Craft Wands as a prerequisite.
So you admit it functions as a wand? Are wands wondrous item? No they are not, because you find them under the wand heading.
First rule of writing (there are multiple #1 rules by the way): give the editor what he wants, how he wants it.
I hope you understand that your item fails to conform to rule #1.
Boy am I glad I got my item in line on the 2nd page. This thread has just ballooned over the past three days.
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RPG Superstar 2013
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka Steven T. Helt
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had a reply
I regret if you felt insulted by my post. I've no right to speak for any judge or anyone else, but I think my comments are probably pretty typical of most initial reactions.
1. If the wand is called a wand, requires Craft Wand to create, and functions only as a wand, it is clearly a wand. How else would you define wand? What does a wand have, do or look like that your item doesn't also do and look like? What makes your wand not a wand?
2. I didn't insult you. While it's unfortunate you feel insulted, in no way does "that's horrible design" constitute an insult. I can't stop you from taking it personally, but I wish you wouldn't. Also, my position isn't unsupported. I directly follow with the clearly rhetorical question comparing your item to a feat no one would allow in their campaign, and no publisher would publish.
2b. Dude's Feat of Feats, as an illustration of the poor design of your item, would let you just have feats you knew about but didn't actually have, much as the wand allows you to throw out spells you haven't memorized (or possibly even worse, just gives your sorcerer extra spell slots.) If there were a feat that let you study a warrior and modify your feat for the day, that's different. And it in fact emulates the War domain ability. But it isn't the same as what your wand does.
For those two reasons, expressed by multiple people, your item doesn't foollow the contest rules and isn't good design. It doesn't mean you can't design well, much as I hope my pillow, bracers, and boots don't indicate I am not a good designer. It isn't a remark on you at all, in any way, ever. I prefer peace, but if you ask for feedback, expect to get honest opinions and take them well. I don't for a second think you have to agree.
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Hi People... My item is on page 7. I would love some feedback. One thing I realized to my horror is my entry did not come out with the sections that I had made bold--bold. Does anyone belive that would be grounds for an auto-reject? It has only now come to my relization that there is something about 'bbc' something-or-other in order to have had it post the way I intended it to. I am new to these forum postings so I was unfortunately ignorant to this action. Even now I'm not sure if I would do it properly even knowing about it. Anyway... feedback would be great thanks..
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Contributor, RPG Superstar 2010 Top 8
aka Benchak the Nightstalker
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Hi People... My item is on page 7. I would love some feedback. One thing I realized to my horror is my entry did not come out with the sections that I had made bold--bold. Does anyone belive that would be grounds for an auto-reject? It has only now come to my relization that there is something about 'bbc' something-or-other in order to have had it post the way I intended it to. I am new to these forum postings so I was unfortunately ignorant to this action. Even now I'm not sure if I would do it properly even knowing about it. Anyway... feedback would be great thanks..
Its my understanding that nobody got disqualified for failure to use BBCode, so you don't have to worry about that.
If you'd like to use that stuff in the future though, there's a button labelled "BBCode tags you can use:" just below the text window, that'll show all the tags the forums support.
Welcome to the boards by the way!
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9
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I'm thinking looking at it now, I may know it's faults. But Clark (and anyone else with comments) if you ever get through the rest of the posts, please commence with the butchering of my item and let me know. I'm already working on next years.
Aura faint conjuration, moderate enchantment and transmutation; CL 6
Slot -; Price 36,000 gp; Weight -
Description
This silver serpent shaped piece of body jewelry bestows the traits of the mythical serpent folk. Once pierced through the tongue, the wearers eyes become slit and able to cast the hypnotism spell once per day. They become able to spit a caustic venom three times per day. Lastly they gain the ability to transform themselves into a viper themselves. (see Pathfinder Roleplaying Game: Core Rulebook pg 54 for statistics)
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, acid splash, hypnotism, beast shape 1, alter self; Cost 18,450 gp
RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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Star Voter Season 6
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The idea of a wondrous item that allows its user access to the feats of her battle opponent is sweet. "You know Vital Strike? Well, now, so do I!"
Theoretical exercise: how would you cost such a thing?
Pricing it as a 3rd level spell would be a good start. Feat leech is a level 2 power, only works on psionic feats and denies the target the use of the feat.
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Chief Technical Officer
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But you also included your name in the submission which is a really big no-no.Actually I didn't include my name.
No, you submitted it as "*_______'s Bucket," with the note "*(Note, I can not reveal the full name without revealing avatar)."
That became the subject of about half of the criticism, and probably put the judges into a pretty bad mood about your item:
Clark: "*(Note: then you shouldn't have made this item). Come on, really? Is it that hard to come up with another name?"
Sean: "Changing the name to 'Bob's Bucket' is actually more preferable than what's happened here."
Me, from the peanut gallery after you'd already been rejected): "Every time I look at this forum, my mind keeps filling in the blank: s~*@bucket."
Frankly, though, even if you hadn't killed yourself with the name, you'd have been eliminated anyway. I'll let Clark or Sean explain the issues they had, as they can perhaps be much more diplomatic rephrasing their commentary than I could. Like I said, they were not happy by this point.
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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Star Voter Season 6
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I'm thinking looking at it now, I may know it's faults. But Clark (and anyone else with comments) if you ever get through the rest of the posts, please commence with the butchering of my item and let me know. I'm already working on next years.
Aura faint conjuration, moderate enchantment and transmutation; CL 6
Slot -; Price 36,000 gp; Weight -
Description
This silver serpent shaped piece of body jewelry bestows the traits of the mythical serpent folk. Once pierced through the tongue, the wearers eyes become slit and able to cast the hypnotism spell once per day. They become able to spit a caustic venom three times per day. Lastly they gain the ability to transform themselves into a viper themselves. (see Pathfinder Roleplaying Game: Core Rulebook pg 54 for statistics)
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, acid splash, hypnotism, beast shape 1, alter self; Cost 18,450 gp
Some grammar problems (like I've room to talk). With the second sentence referring to the eyes changing (should be 'slitted' or 'snake-like' the way you phrase it reads to me that someone slices holes in them) the following sentences seem to refer to the eyes being able to spit caustic venom andturn into vipers. No frequency on the use of the snake power either.
It is a neat idea, but was limited in the execution. Keep polishing and now's a good time to start (my Tankard started developing this time last year)
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Chief Technical Officer
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That may be... I still don't think it's in pathfinder.
someone else might have mentioned this, but I don't think tiamat is in Pathfinder... which would have gotten you insta-rejected for legal purposes( WoTC probably owns it ).
WotC can't own Tiamat, she was/is a Babylonian deity, as such she is not copyrightable.
of course that doesn't mean that using her in the contest wasn't a problem as well, real world references don;t seem to go over all that well a lot of the time either.
Tiamat was mentioned in Pathfinder #4 (Edit: why is #3 getting the credit?), as far as I can tell, she was pulled from Babylonian mythology along with Apsu.
Now, I believe that WotC owns the description of Tiamat as a five headed dragon, each head having the appearance of one of the five primary chromatic dragons.
Besides, I don't think that not being in Pathfinder would be an automatic rejection.
Mentioning Tiamat was not the problem... at least, not in the "autoreject" sense. It *was* a problem, though, in that the judges felt it was false advertising. (Wes: "You don't just throw a name like Tiamat around and then not follow through on it.") More importantly, your item "gives you one of the best Fighter feats for free plus extra damage, plus makes your spells way better by breaking the most common conceits." Couple that with "way cheap," and you were done.
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Chief Technical Officer
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James Thomas:
Ummm, I think it may have come over as a little arrogant to be telling the judges: 'This makes it on par with high-end medium wondrous items -- which is about the calibre appropriate for it.'
I think if you really wanted to explain yourself, you should have just left it at the maths (though that in itself may not have gone down well) and simply cut the last sentence.
Perhaps you're right Charles. It was not my intention to come off as arrogant... merely confident. Besides, surely the judges have no egos to bruise from the likes of me. :^ )
Thanks for your comments!
Including the notes certainly didn't help any, but adding "Cheers!" followed by your initials at the bottom of the post would have guaranteed your disqualification if I'd gotten to it. Before I saw it, though, the judges agreed that it was a spell in a can, and a fairly unexciting one at that.
Now, there was one contestant who included similar notes, and it *did* kill him, because it put him over word count, earning him an autoreject.
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Umm, I didn't notice any creepy evil things make it through this year*, although going by some of the posts on this thread not for want of trying, so be careful exactly what conclusions you do draw.
Simply being Superstar is more important than trying to second guess what will be well received.*I maintain the Troll Fingers and Pharasma's Blessing were creepy without being evil. ;)
My wonderous item was wonderful and creepy, even if it was a SiaC..
I think the creep factor kept it from being fully rejected, actually.
I'll end up posting it soon if I don't move up.