RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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Star Voter Season 6
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I like some of this. Nice idea, not bad execution. Unfortunately, Three Stooges combat is not what I want in my epic, heroic fantasy roleplaying. Pass.
Hah! Clark is a Marx Brothers fan!
Bella Sara Charter Superscriber
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*cough*
*sad pony eyes*
*apologies for crankiness in the carapace demon thread*
Mantid SacAura faint conjuration; CL 4th
Slot ---; Price 500 gp; Weight ---Description
As bad as a Mantid Sac tastes, the hatching and rapid maturation of millions of mantid eggs in the swallower’s stomach is an even worse experience. Once the gooey white egg sac is ingested, the colony of tiny mantids within reaches adulthood almost instantaneously and begins assisting its host’s bodily functions, granting fast healing 1 and a +2 enhancement bonus to Dexterity-based skill checks and initiative checks. Due to the insects’ magically accelerated life cycle, the colony only survives for 10 rounds after ingestion, but may be expelled earlier by the host in the form of a 15 foot cone-shaped burst of buzzing insects. Those caught in the cone take 4d4 points of piercing damage and are sickened for the remainder of the colony’s lifespan. Each victim can attempt a DC 13 Reflex save for half damage and to avoid the sickened effect entirely. Expelling the mantids is a standard action for the host that does not provoke an attack of opportunity and ends the beneficial effects experienced by ingesting the Mantid Sac.
Mantid Sacs are typically created by mites, using fleshwarping techniques stolen and adapted from the drow. In addition to the normal effects of the Mantid Sac, a mite also gains a +2 enhancement bonus to its vermin empathy ability while hosting a colony.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, cure light wounds, summon swarm; Cost 250 gp
First, this is the gross out version of gonzo and down the line it's not difficult to imagine this designer (or others) getting into a rated R arms race with either other competitors or just himself - all of which we're not super interested in. There's a difference between mature content and just sick s!*% and this fell into the latter category for us.
Second, our lesser but still present concern is anyone who wants to make a big deal that, out of hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of submissions, we decided that one of the best was a dead baby. Is the decision defendable? Sure. But that is a problem. And we thought the author (you) put us in a tough position on this.
Those thoughts in mind, we could have just auto-rejected for inappropriateness, but we didnt do that. We went on to form this collective conclusion
Turning to the rules now, I'm not sure any of that is worth it for an item that is exactly the sum of it's prerequisite spells.
We asked ourselves this: Would we have spent this much time on this item if it was just an amulet that did all those spell effects? Nope. We would have just shot it down for being dull. In short, the discussion came from the gross out nature of the item, not the item itself.
And that means the *item* regardless of its wrappings just wasnt good enough. So that, in the end, is why we rejected it.
I appreciate the full explanation. Thanks for the feedback Clark.
Contributor, RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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I'm glad someone had this idea. Some of these are the reason why i liked it so much ( and submitted it) have fun with it :)This item really caught my imagination, but more from the perspective of adventure building than as a player. A hero who was slain by a vampire and buried with this item. Graverobbers broke in and stole the coins, amongst other things. Now the risen hero is terrorizing the countryside... The possiblities are many and evocative.
Aura faint abjuration and necromancy; CL 5th
Slot throat; Price 1400 gp; Weight —
This small pouch, which holds two tarnished silver coins...
The ferryman's toll enforces the natural passage between life and death, and prevents malevolent spirits from returning. Etc.
The idea that the effect merely suppresses the spawning is kind of a cool idea for an adventure seed.
Charles Evans
Thank you Charles. You gave me a lot to think about with your comments from a rules standpoint and from streamlining some features.
One thing I had some difficulty with was the costing-- I wanted the sending to operate more times a day (the original intent was to make it constant) but I was worried about sending the cost through the stratosphere.
I am a bit unsure how to balance some of the suggestions you raise with the need to keep this reasonably priced. (Still, that is my job as a designer).
I only noticed the naming issues on posting it in this thread... and I felt a little foolish for the inconsistency. The object was intended to be called the Beastfriend's Tattooed Collar. (It went through several name changes.)
I did intend it to be limited only to creatures of the animal subtype, thus the use of the appellation. However, your point regarding the Paladins' mounts makes me reconsider that to some degree. I was of the understanding though, that Wizards could communicate telepathically with their familiars and thus would not have any use for this aspect of the item?
I sort of foresaw it being used by Clerics, Druids, Rangers, Paladins and Bards; and possibly being utilized by Wizards or Sorcerers, though I could not see it as being too useful for them. Martial classes could not make use of it because I feared that I would be giving away class abilities to people who should not have them (the druid and ranger's shticks are talking to animals).
Command was intended to create interesting roleplaying situations by making the creatures useful to the imprisoned player (perhaps by distracting an enemy), or even a player who wants to pull a gag on someone, in addition to the self-defense suggestion you provided.
Thank you again.
Starglim
Thank you very much!
Hey Clark,
I'm on travel for my job, so I can't repost my item. I was wondering what the judges thought of the Peace Bond of Deception.
Yes, Nerrat did this. I served as a sounding board but tried not to give advice so much as ask questions. He worked a lot harder on his item than he did last year, writing multiple drafts instead of just whipping an item out in three drafts. He also prepared more, reading almost everything you said about every other item last year. I swear he sounds like you, Clark, when he talks about the entries. I love the challenge that this contest poses for him and thank you all for making it happen.
That is impressive. Please tell him good job and that I wish him luck next year, if he enters.
I think it is great that he is trying so hard. And it makes me all the more aggravated when I get some joke entry by a grown up that isn't even taking the contest seriously, while at the same time you have young kids giving it their all.
Contrary to popular belief, I dont like rejecting items. I wish everyone could win. Even autorejects. I might pretend to be some hard a$$ but I'm not really (though dont let that get out). I do think, though, that this contest deserves a really high bar and I dont mind setting it high and telling people plainly that they didnt jump it. And there is no shame in that. We are about to have the Olympics, for instance. The height of amateur (allegedly) athletic achievement. This is sort of the Olympics of amateur FRPG design. You've got to crush it to win. Really good doesn't cut it. That doesnt mean I dont have admiration and respect for everyone who is really good, because I do. I just have the job of holding that bar up really high and saying "you didnt make it." Its not always fun. But someone has to do it.
So tell Nerrat that I'm impressed. It was a good, clean item. Great format. I could tell it wasnt a first draft (you can see those a mile away). It was good, competent design. He is MILES ahead of where I was at his age.
We all felt it lacked water breathing and we compared it to a ring of freedom of movement or, more appropriately, a ring of water walking. We thought it didnt make much sense without the water breathing. The flip under water part was cute, but we just didnt think these were different enough from existing items.
This was a good but not good enough. Wes, I think, would have really liked these with water breathing.
Ok Clark - I'm ready - let me have it...
Drow Tallow Candle
Spoiler:
Aura: faint transmutation; CL 4th
Slot --; Price 40,500 gp; Weight ½ lb.The Drow Tallow Candle appears as a sickly charcoal colored, double-wicked, oversized candle, veined in deep maroons and ochre. The candle has been crafted from the rendered fat of a Drow Elf, bees wax, rare underworld mushrooms and lichens. One wick is made from the twisted yellowed tendons while the other is made from braided arteries of a Drow Elf. It has a damp earthy, fetid stench and when lit reeks of rotting flesh.
Lighting the tendon wick will create Darkness (range 20’ radius, duration 1 minute).
Lighting both wicks will create Dancing Lights (range 120’, duration 1 minute).
Dripping wax from the lit wick made of arteries onto one’s skin will endow the user with Levitation (up to 25’ for a duration of one minute per drop -- this works only on willing creatures up to 250 pounds)
Blowing out the candle in the direction of a target will outline the target(s) in Faerie Fire (5’ radius burst up to a range of 200’, duration 1 minute).The candle has 20 uses. Each activation of any power constitutes one use. All casting times are 1 standard action.
Construction: Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Darkness, Faerie Fire, Dancing Lights, Levitation.
Cost 20,250 gp
I'm not sure what the judges thought, but my impression is that you became a little too carried away with the details of describing your item - which is unfortunate as the way you played with the concept of what you could do with a double-wicked candle actually looked novel to me. (Especially the blowing the flame not so much 'out' as 'right off the candle' to become a faerie fire to outline a target.)
Thanks for taking time to post feedback. I greatly appreciate it.
As for the wordiness - you got me there - I was going for a bit of mood with this item, I guess I over did it.
RPG Superstar 2013
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka Steven T. Helt
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We all felt it lacked water breathing and we compared it to a ring of freedom of movement or, more appropriately, a ring of water walking. We thought it didnt make much sense without the water breathing. The flip under water part was cute, but we just didnt think these were different enough from existing items.
This was a good but not good enough. Wes, I think, would have really liked these with water breathing.
Ha! And here I thought it was distinguished and not too powerful by eliminating water breathing!
But I appreciate your feedback. I think it's useful an dcinematic..now I just need to concistently design complete items.
But as I say, I'll do my best to not qualify for this contest anymore by the time it rolls around next year.
Ready to read some monsters!
Here was my item, I feel I may have been hindered by NOT adding Golarion fluff to it.
We all unanimously felt that this is waaaay too cheap for which it does - which is totally cripples every incorporeal creature - even with the time limit. It's also just way too powerful, making some of the trickier creatures in the game pretty much pushovers for any character and severely hampered in their ability to deal out damage. Any group would be fools not to have a few of these with them at all times.
Wes made a good point in another item that some design like players, some like fanbois and some like professional designers. This is designing like a player. If you make something everyone in the world has to have you need to step back and ask if you are making the right design choices. Wondrous items are limited.
Thanks!
I'll try to design less like a player and more like a Design Professional next year, I am primarily a DM, I had figured that the 10 minute duration would merely hamper the incorporeal, as they could flee and return when it was safe. 1800gp for 10 minutes seemed about right, perhaps if I had tied it to the use of channel positive energy.
I had thought about doing that and then tying it to Pharasma. Like I said, I think one of the things that hurt me this year was NOT tying it to Golarion.
Like I said, I think one of the things that hurt me this year was NOT tying it to Golarion.
I dont think so. We frankly didnt take that into account.
Sphere of Seven Ghosts
Aura moderate divination and necromancy ; CL 8th
Slot --; Price 1,250 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
At first glance this item appears to be nothing more than a simple crystal ball roughly six inches in diameter. Upon closer examination, grayish smoke seems to swirl within the sphere. When touched or held, the sphere becomes lucent with a pale, bluish light, and the smoke within coalesces into the shape of a ghostly face. Once per day, as a standard action, the sphere’s wielder may form a telepathic bond with one of seven ghosts residing within the sphere. So skilled were these spirits in their professions during life that they confer twice the normal bonus when aiding a character in skill checks. The precise ghost contacted, and the benefit to the sphere’s wielder, depend upon a percentile roll as indicated on the table below. Whichever ghostly visage appears, it remains within the globe for one hour, providing advice and expertise to the wielder (and only the wielder) granting a temporary bonus to specific skills as indicated on the table below. When the hour has passed, the ghostly face vanishes and the skill bonuses terminate.
1-15--The Scholar--+4 to Linguistics and Knowledge checks
16-30--The Arcanist--+4 to Use Magic Device and Spellcraft checks
31-45--The Rogue--+4 to Disable Device and Sleight of Hand checks
45-60--The Statesman--+4 to Diplomacy and Sense Motive checks
61-75--The Artisan--+4 to Appraise and Craft checks
76-90--The Scout--+4 to Perception and Survival checks
90-100--The Madman--The wielder believes she is receiving one of the above bonuses but in fact gains a -4 penalty to the relevant skills.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item,telepathic bond, trap the soul; Cost 625 gp
Sphere of Seven Ghosts
Aura moderate divination and necromancy ; CL 8th
Slot --; Price 1,250 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
At first glance this item appears to be nothing more than a simple crystal ball roughly six inches in diameter. Upon closer examination, grayish smoke seems to swirl within the sphere. When touched or held, the sphere becomes lucent with a pale, bluish light, and the smoke within coalesces into the shape of a ghostly face. Once per day, as a standard action, the sphere’s wielder may form a telepathic bond with one of seven ghosts residing within the sphere. So skilled were these spirits in their professions during life that they confer twice the normal bonus when aiding a character in skill checks. The precise ghost contacted, and the benefit to the sphere’s wielder, depend upon a percentile roll as indicated on the table below. Whichever ghostly visage appears, it remains within the globe for one hour, providing advice and expertise to the wielder (and only the wielder) granting a temporary bonus to specific skills as indicated on the table below. When the hour has passed, the ghostly face vanishes and the skill bonuses terminate.
1-15--The Scholar--+4 to Linguistics and Knowledge checks
16-30--The Arcanist--+4 to Use Magic Device and Spellcraft checks
31-45--The Rogue--+4 to Disable Device and Sleight of Hand checks
45-60--The Statesman--+4 to Diplomacy and Sense Motive checks
61-75--The Artisan--+4 to Appraise and Craft checks
76-90--The Scout--+4 to Perception and Survival checks
90-100--The Madman--The wielder believes she is receiving one of the above bonuses but in fact gains a -4 penalty to the relevant skills.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item,telepathic bond, trap the soul; Cost 625 gp
Pretty neat idea. Save the roll to find out what spirit you contact.
Becomes almost useless due to the fact that when you need help with X skill you only have a 15% chance of getting that help. "We need to talk our way out of this one guys. Wait I will use my Sphere of Seven Ghosts. (uses the device) CRAP, well do you want to pick pocket our way out of it then?"
I think it would have been better execution to allow the character choose the ghost he wants to contact. Then have a 10-30% chance that the Madman actually answers the call. Listing that the DM rolls that in secret so the player does not know if he is really being helped or hindered. Or ditch the madman all together and raise the price.
If I could pick the ghost and be a small or no chance of the madman then I think almost every PC I have ever had would want one of these bad boys. With the roll to see which ghost I get I think every PC I have had would sell it the first chance he got.
Sphere of Seven Ghosts
Hmmm, I dont remember this one at all.
Ah, that's why. This is one of the very few that was rejected before I saw it.
This is just a randomized shopping list of skill bonuses, or so the judges felt. I agree. It was an interesting theme, though. This was rejected with little discussion.
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RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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Chris,
Superstar entry or not*, I'm going to be stealing this sphere for my home game. It's perfect for something the party's going to be encountering.
(And as for Wesley's suggestions, I think I'll give particular ghosts an increased chance of bonding with the user, depending on the situation the user is in when the item is activated, as the user understands the situation. So, if the party thinks they're going to need to survive in the wilderness, and the user explains that to the sphere, the Scout will have an improved chance of bursting through the cacophony and bonding with the user.)
Oh, and incidentally, nice use of language in the description. The mental link mechanics are tricky to describe, and you did a great job.
*Nobody's brought up the idea that this sounds like a unique item --surely every sphere doesn't have to have a Madman-- and I recall the judges taking a dim view of that, too.
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Well, I suppose I ought to throw my item out for review now that we are well past the Wonderous Item stage.
Infernal Claw of Torment
Aura strong necromancy [evil]; CL 13th
Slot hand(s); Price 99,400 gp; Weight 1 lb
This heavily tattooed and strangely warm leather glove and gauntlet is tipped in black talons, with swirled runes covering every inch of its deep russet exterior. Sliding the glove on is unnerving as it seems to squirm its way up the wearer’s arm until it seals itself just beyond the elbow.
An infernal claw is constructed from the heavily enchanted dismembered and deboned arm of a devil or demon and has several powers.
-The wearer gains a claw attack, normally d6+ Str modifier but adjusts for the size of the wearer. This claw attack is considered ‘armed’ and can bypass DR/evil protection.
-Holding the claw aloft, fingers spread, evokes a symbol of pain as an incandescent infernal rune lights up on the palm of the glove. The effects of the spell-like effect last 13 rounds but otherwise acts as a symbol of pain, including the 60’ radius which is centered on the bearer of the infernal claw.
-Holding the claw aloft, fist clenched, evokes a symbol of weakness as a different rune on the back of hand flares to life. The effects function like the spell, with the same duration and range as the symbol of weakness.
The symbols can each be used once per day, though there is no limit to the claw attacks. Evoking one of the symbols or using the infernal claw in a melee attack immediately ends the duration of any active symbols, though the lingering effects of the symbol remain for the standard 60 minutes. The bearer and up to three creatures of the bearer’s choosing are immune to the symbol effects.
Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, gentle repose, symbol of pain, symbol of weakness, Cost 49700
Some thoughts after reading all the critiques of the multitude of items so far:
A) SPELLinnaCAN! Damnit. I really should have read ALL the critiques from last year, but I was just uber-excited and submitted the first day I could.
B) Formatting. I believe I submitted without proper bold text, etc. (since then I have fixed it)
C) Did not alphabatize my spell requirements (again, now fixed)
D) Kept referring to the effects of the Claw as the symbol effects instead of the infernal claw's effects. This just reinforced the SiaC of the item.
What perhaps got me in as an alternate was the imagery and descriptiveness. I'd love to see if my assumptions match up with what our judging staff wrote.
Now that I have gotten heavily into this forum as a result of this contest and read thousands of posts on last year AND this year's critiques, suggestions, and submissions, I feel ready and much more prepared for next year.
Please, Clark (and any who wish to), will you give me feedback on my item?
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Hey Clark, any chance I can get some thoughts on my item (the mantid sac). I'd really appreciate some feedback on it.I hope he gets to yours soon as mine is a couple after yours. :)
That teaches me for using an RSS feed to see when the thread was unlocked so I could get Namu's Claddaghs on the front page in the hope of a review :)
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Marathon Voter Season 7
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Hey Clark, any chance I can get some thoughts on my item (the mantid sac). I'd really appreciate some feedback on it.I hope he gets to yours soon as mine is a couple after yours. :)That teaches me for using an RSS feed to see when the thread was unlocked so I could get Namu's Claddaghs on the front page in the hope of a review :)
Submit yours anyway. Vic has been doing some in the back as he gets time and some of us are willing to comment on other's if we have something to say.
Well, I suppose I ought to throw my item out for review now that we are well past the Wonderous Item stage.
Infernal Claw of Torment
Bill Dodds thanks for sharing your alternate item. Did you not get feedback from the judges already? Last year I got an email from Vic (or someone) with the judges responses--also got it for the second round which never saw the light of day.
I do not think it too much a SiaC, as the first power is a claw attack. I think tying the three powers together with the demon claw is a strong part and shows some creativity. It may be tying to do too much, but probably not--with the theme they all make sense.
Well, I suppose I ought to throw my item out for review now that we are well past the Wonderous Item stage.
Infernal Claw of Torment
Bill, I dont know if I can comment at this point since you are an alternate and round 2 isnt done yet. Theoretically someone in round 2 could be disqualified and you could catapult into the top.
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Bill, I dont know if I can comment at this point since you are an alternate and round 2 isnt done yet. Theoretically someone in round 2 could be disqualified and you could catapult into the top.Well, I suppose I ought to throw my item out for review now that we are well past the Wonderous Item stage.
Infernal Claw of Torment
Really? It was my understanding that I was done for this year! Sorry about that! The email I received indicated that since all of the 32 were not Dairy Queened for their entries into round 2, that there was no way I could advance.
I apologise if I posted early on this. I thought I was in the clear for the Wonderous Item.
I am happy to wait until the voting is in on Rnd 2 before hearing any feedback from the judging team.
I will be patient.. :)
Really? It was my understanding that I was done for this year! Sorry about that! The email I received indicated that since all of the 32 were not Dairy Queened for their entries into round 2, that there was no way I could advance.
I apologise if I posted early on this. I thought I was in the clear for the Wonderous Item.
I am happy to wait until the voting is in on Rnd 2 before hearing any feedback from the judging team.
I will be patient.. :)
You might be right. I dont know. If you email Vic I'm sure he will send you our comments.
Just so you know, I loved the claw more than the other two judges :) I love symbols.
Clark - please give me some feedback on my item.
Drow Tallow Candle
Aura: faint transmutation; CL 4th
Slot ---; Price 40,500 gp; Weight ½ lb.
The Drow Tallow Candle appears as a sickly charcoal colored, double-wicked, oversized candle, veined in deep maroons and ochre. The candle has been crafted from the rendered fat of a Drow Elf, bees wax, rare underworld mushrooms and lichens. One wick is made from the twisted yellowed tendons while the other is made from braided arteries of a Drow Elf. It has a damp earthy, fetid stench and when lit reeks of rotting flesh.
Lighting the tendon wick will create Darkness (range 20’ radius, duration 1 minute).
Lighting both wicks will create Dancing Lights (range 120’, duration 1 minute).
Dripping wax from the lit wick made of arteries onto one’s skin will endow the user with Levitation (up to 25’ for a duration of one minute per drop -- this works only on willing creatures up to 250 pounds)
Blowing out the candle in the direction of a target will outline the target(s) in Faerie Fire (5’ radius burst up to a range of 200’, duration 1 minute).
The candle has 20 uses. Each activation of any power constitutes one use. All casting times are 1 standard action.
Construction: Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Darkness, Faerie Fire, Dancing Lights, Levitation
Cost 20,250 gp
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7
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Clark, if you have a chance to share your thoughts on the Blood of the Martyr, I would love to see what you, Sean and Wes thought of it. Thanks. :)
Stone BabyI don't think I've heard from Clark yet, but I wanted to thank those who have commented so far. I retrospect, I did go overboard on the concept. To anyone I offended, you have my apologies. It wasn't my intention to hurt anyone.
Just so everyone knows, a lithopedia (stone baby) is an actual though rare phenomenon. Vic, a google search of the term will give you some pictures if you want to know what it looks like.
To the other points made. I probably should have just stuck with "Slot -" and left the description to define it's use instead of making up a "held" slot. Without the fluff, it is indeed just 3 spells in a rock. I'll focus on being more mechanically original next time.
Jason, I think you misunderstood. Creating this item would involve grave robbing, not a character being pregnant.
As a DM who uses the BoVD often (my gamers are mature adults, some of them FUBB (as FUBAR, but 'beyond belief' instead) I wouldn't have a problem with this anymore than I have a problem with Atropols and Slaymates.
Yes, creating this would be a vile act, so perhaps some sort of drain/loss for the creator. Also, lack of clarification about the process of creation in fluff text means when you use the word 'bearer' I kept thinking of the poor mother-that-wasn't rather than a differet person.
And while I appreciate a lot of people will find this shocking, I can see similar or same appearing in a 'mature' rated product such as BoVD.
Of course, the rather screwed up Animé I recently watched concerning a doll possessed by the unborn baby of a rape victim probably meant that mentally I was more accepting of the concept...
From a purely flavour point of view, to provide such protection, I would have thought some kind of sanctification would be in order, turning this around from an 'evil' item to a 'good' one, a sort of divine defence against such a tragedy occuring a second time, like aboriginal fertility totems.
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8
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Stone BabyFrom a purely flavour point of view, to provide such protection, I would have thought some kind of sanctification would be in order, turning this around from an 'evil' item to a 'good' one, a sort of divine defence against such a tragedy occuring a second time, like aboriginal fertility totems.
Hmm, good point.
Chief Technical Officer
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Really? It was my understanding that I was done for this year! Sorry about that! The email I received indicated that since all of the 32 were not Dairy Queened for their entries into round 2, that there was no way I could advance.
I apologise if I posted early on this. I thought I was in the clear for the Wonderous Item.
I am happy to wait until the voting is in on Rnd 2 before hearing any feedback from the judging team.
I will be patient.. :)
You might be right. I dont know. If you email Vic I'm sure he will send you our comments.
Just so you know, I loved the claw more than the other two judges :) I love symbols.
Yeah—sorry—the opportunity to be replacement candidate ended when the Top 32 went live. After all, people have already been checking out submissions and casting votes for days now.
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Clam of Infusion (lesser):I was pretty against this one.
"Oh really, aquatic elves make a device that creates thrown pearls? Why, because thrown pearls are so effective under water? See, sometimes backstory shoots you in the foot. There is no way aquatic elves would make magic pearls for throwing underwater because as a practical matter you cant throw stuff underwater.
Come on, people.
Plus, I am not a fan of the "fill it up with what you want" magic item, whether it be a spell of your choosing or an ability from a monster you kill.
The real problem is the fact that it takes a touch spell and turns it into a grenade that affects all in a 100 ft. radius. I can already see clerics using this as a healing bomb. But instead of curing one person it cures all within a 10 foot radius! Uh, yeah, NO! Lets see what else we can abuse, shocking grasp, touch of idiocy, invisibility. Invisibility bombs? Nope.
Abusable"
We didnt think you thought it through all the way.
Thank you for the feedback Clark.
I will admit that I felt the cost and time to create one of these pearls was in line with the power of the item. 12k+ to create the item, along with a 24 hour waiting period, seemed to be more than enough. Perhaps I am thinking that cost vs. in-game-use is not what is important. I mean, how many times do the PC's have the drop on the bad guys? 30% of the time? 25%? It is this figure that must be considered when thinking of abuse for this item, for the 10' radius, in most situations, affects 2, or maybe 3 baddies if the effect is meant to be negative. For a heal bomb, how many times are the PC's bunched up? And will you throw it if it only heals 1 ally? Perhaps... If it is for invis, your not going to throw it if it affects a few baddies too. Sure, it is nasty if you get the drop on the baddies, but isnt 12k+ worth that? And this is only if you created a pearl that can help you in that situation.
It is not that I disagree with your appraisal. You are the expert and I am the amatur, but your reasoning eludes me. Saying it has no "wow" factor would have felt a tad more truthful. Perhaps if I were to play in a game with where you or Sean DM, I might be better able to figure out what is acceptable as an item. For if I go on my playing experience, this item is not abusable, except if you want to create 40 of them when you are spending a year between AP19 and AP20. Even then, is it beyond the characters ability to create. CL 13? 24k cost (12k to create) Hmmm. maybe I am missing something here.
This was my first time to submit, so I am a noob. I was going on my own playing experience, which is extensive, and 24k gold is alot in the campaigns I have played in. Am I supposed to make an item that is unabuseable in a monte-hall campaign?
Infernal Claw of Torment
Great item, I really like the strong visual for how you activate the different powers (different hand gestures). Some of the wording could be tightened up ("...heavily enchanted dismembered and deboned arm of a devil or demon and has several powers...") but over-all your writing seems up to the task. The #1 thing I can say against it in terms of the contest: it seems less like a WONDROUS ITEM, and more like a WEAPON (Claw).
...Which reminds me, maybe next year we can see a Magic Weapon or Magic Armor or something, instead of Wondrous Items. Plenty of possibilities exist for those categories, yet they would be DQ'ed as Wondrous Items.
I look forward to seeing your Monster entry if/when it's OK to reveal it,
as well as hopefully seeing your entry in next year's contest!
It is not that I...
I get the sense you didnt hear a word I said. Costing wasnt your issue. So defending the cost of the item or its power level isnt a defense.
Telling you it lacked wow factor would have seemed "more truthful"? I dont know what you mean by that.
We thought your item was abusable, meaning it was poorly thought through in how it could be used. Learn from this thread, read prior threads, do your homework and bring it up a few notches for next year!
I will say, in 3 years it has been our only clam submission that I can recall.
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Hey Clark, any chance I can get some thoughts on my item (the mantid sac). I'd really appreciate some feedback on it.I hope he gets to yours soon as mine is a couple after yours. :)That teaches me for using an RSS feed to see when the thread was unlocked so I could get Namu's Claddaghs on the front page in the hope of a review :)
Submit yours anyway. Vic has been doing some in the back as he gets time and some of us are willing to comment on other's if we have something to say.
Oh, it's already up there at the bottom of the first page, below all of the people who didn't wander away from their RSS feeds 'cos they got hungry at just the wrong moment...
It has a bit of flavour text which probably lost me marks, but was the only way to make a paragraph flow well. It has the original creators name in the title, and it sounds like it's a ring rather than a gemstone. So I'm not surprised it wasn't a winner, I was just interested in hearing if they liked the mechanics.
Hey Clark, or Sean, I think I may have been overlooked for feedback on Folio of Origami Assailants (p3)
Aura faint transmutation; CL 4th
Slot —; Price 1000 gp; Weight 6 lbs.
Description
This folio is full of 300 sheets of paper with crisp edges. When a command word is spoken the folio flies open in a flurry of pages which immediately fold themselves into hundreds of any kind of creature the possessor desires. Popular choices include scorpions, miniature humanoids, and scarabs. These origami creatures attack in a swarm at their creator’s behest pinching or inflicting magically augmented paper cuts. They continue to attack until commanded back to the folio or destroyed. The swarm is able to understand only the most rudimentary one word commands.
If the swarm is damaged or even killed the folio paper may be replenished. To restore one hit point 40 gp of paper is required, 600 gp of paper is needed to replace a lost swarm.
Origami Swarm (CR 2)
XP 600
N Tiny construct (swarm)
Init +2; Senses low-light vision, darkvision; Perception +8
DEFENSE
AC 14, touch 14, flat-footed 12 (+2 Dex, +2 size)
hp 16 (3d10)
Fort +1, Ref +3, Will +1
Defensive Abilities swarm traits Immune Bludgeoning attacks
Weakness Fire, see flammable below
OFFENSE
Speed 15 ft.
Melee swarm (1d6)
Space 10 ft.; Reach 0 ft.
Special Attacks distraction (DC 12)
STATISTICS
Str 2, Dex 15, Con -, Int -, Wis 10, Cha 2
Base Atk +2; CMB —; CMD —
SPECIAL ABILITIES
Flammable (Ex) A swarm which survives a fire attack will automatically catch fire and will be fully consumed after completing its next action. During this last action the swarm deals an additional 1d6 points of fire damage.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, unseen servant,; Cost 500 gp
Either that or I missed it on the thread, (search functions don't seem to work so well on the message boards for some reason.)
My thanks to Azmahel for his review, I`d be much obliged to anyone with further comments.
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Hey Clark, or Sean, I think I may have been overlooked for feedback on Folio of Origami Assailants (p3)
** spoiler omitted **
Either that or I missed it on the thread, (search functions don't seem to work so well on the message boards for some reason.)
My thanks to Azmahel for his review, I`d be much obliged to anyone with further comments.
You haven't been overlooked, Clarke's only just reached p2 :).
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RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32
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Star Voter Season 9
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Well, I suppose I ought to throw my item out for review now that we are well past the Wonderous Item stage.
Infernal Claw of Torment
Aura strong necromancy [evil]; CL 13th
Slot hand(s); Price 99,400 gp; Weight 1 lb
This heavily tattooed and strangely warm leather glove and gauntlet is tipped in black talons, with swirled runes covering every inch of its deep russet exterior. Sliding the glove on is unnerving as it seems to squirm its way up the wearer’s arm until it seals itself just beyond the elbow.
An infernal claw is constructed from the heavily enchanted dismembered and deboned arm of a devil or demon and has several powers.
-The wearer gains a claw attack, normally d6+ Str modifier but adjusts for the size of the wearer. This claw attack is considered ‘armed’ and can bypass DR/evil protection.
-Holding the claw aloft, fingers spread, evokes a symbol of pain as an incandescent infernal rune lights up on the palm of the glove. The effects of the spell-like effect last 13 rounds but otherwise acts as a symbol of pain, including the 60’ radius which is centered on the bearer of the infernal claw.
-Holding the claw aloft, fist clenched, evokes a symbol of weakness as a different rune on the back of hand flares to life. The effects function like the spell, with the same duration and range as the symbol of weakness.
The symbols can each be used once per day, though there is no limit to the claw attacks. Evoking one of the symbols or using the infernal claw in a melee attack immediately ends the duration of any active symbols, though the lingering effects of the symbol remain for the standard 60 minutes. The bearer and up to three creatures of the bearer’s choosing are immune to the symbol effects.
Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, gentle repose, symbol of pain, symbol of weakness, Cost 49700Some thoughts after reading all the critiques of the multitude...
Bill honestly... I like this wondrous item. It's very imaginative & well written. It's no wonder you were choses to be an alternate (though I would have qualified you for round 2 - gotta see more of your talent). Best wishes!
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Marathon Voter Season 7
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You haven't been overlooked, Clarke's only just reached p2 :).Hey Clark, or Sean, I think I may have been overlooked for feedback on Folio of Origami Assailants (p3)
** spoiler omitted **
Either that or I missed it on the thread, (search functions don't seem to work so well on the message boards for some reason.)
My thanks to Azmahel for his review, I`d be much obliged to anyone with further comments.
I think he's still on page 1. My item is on page 1 and he has about four to go to get to it.
Yeah, its gonna be a while. Round 2 judging takes a lot of time. I should have a bit more time in the evenings to do these.
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Curaigh, James, and Charles, thank you for the feedback! I was excited to get an alt position, and I plan to use the critiques I received this year to refine my ideas for the next.
It's the minor details that can make or break an item, Charles, and attention to that is not overrated. Thanks for the tips! It is a bit vague as to whether it is removable.
I was still checking the '09 thread up until the announcement for '10. I think I can hold out until you get to mine. ^^;
Thanks for taking the time.
Well, I suppose I ought to throw my item out for review now that we are well past the Wonderous Item stage.
Infernal Claw of Torment
Nice, I like the way you give the user a claw attack and add some nifty powers.
Okay here goes:
Aura moderate conjuration and divination; CL 9TH
Slot head; Price 37,000 gp; Weight ½ lbs.
This living crown of woven laurel leaves and silver tinged flowers grants the wearer an intuitive bond with the flora and fauna of the woodlands. Its flowering vines bloom daily as if it was a planted bush.
While traveling through forest terrain the wearer receives a +5 competency bonus to Survival skill checks. Once per day a flower can be removed and tossed up to 20 feet away where it becomes a summoned silverback gorilla (CR 3 dire ape). This forest guardian communicates with and serves the wearer for 1 hour unless slain or dismissed, at which point it vanishes. It follows the commands described in the Handle Animal skill and possesses insightful knowledge of the surrounding terrain including: plants, minerals, bodies of water, people, the populations of woodland and unnatural creatures present, and the general state of the locale within a 6-mile radius.
The benefits of the crown weaken in non-forest terrains providing only a +2 competency bonus to Survival skill checks. Also, the wearer can only summon the silverback once each week and its nature knowledge is limited to a 3-mile radius. Once the wearer renters forest terrain the full benefits return.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, commune with nature, summon nature’s ally IV, creator must have 6 ranks of the Knowledge (nature) skill; Cost 18,500 gp