Bella Sara Charter Superscriber
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Now I'm pumped for items based on nanobots....like little microscopic animated objects that swim around, making you grow osseous swords out of your arm, or fortifying your skeletal structure with coral. Stuff like that. So you get a +2 to strength and dr10/slashing for a day, but then you have rheumatoid arthritis for the next 24 hours or something.
I can't help but throw some type of symbiote in my games. Sounds like a cool item, particularly the arthritis. If it's good enough for the gunslinger, it's good enough for my PCs...
Also, you would've loved my monster entry. I was going to have a running theme of entries based around using various forms of bodily excretions as weapons. The highlight was going to be my pitch for the pathfinder module the winner writes - an epic level module centering around recovering the sweat glands of Rogaguv (or however you spell it).
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Bella Sara Charter Superscriber
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Mantid Sac
Aura faint conjuration; CL 4th
Slot ---; Price 500 gp; Weight ---I really like this item, and nitpicks about specific mechanics aside... what do mantids have to do with fast healing? That's been bugging (pun intended) me for a bit.
To me, it's about site picture:
Trolls = regen
mantids = ?bugs that eat you from the inside? Ok, back to lurking. I only commented on yours because I owe you a favor ;) You know where to catch me.
Thanks Ogre. The idea was that the parasites increase the efficiency of the host's bodily functions, which is where the healing comes in. Basically, they make the user's body operate at a higher level so the insects can harvest the resources.
I'm going to toss out a few summaries from the Judges' comments here, working backwards, so I don't have to worry about whether Clark or Sean have already posted...
Homing Bug: The big problem is that it's just not all that useful. Since the bug isn't any faster than most people, it can only find people who are kind of nearby anyway—but by the time it finds them and gets back to you, and then you eat the bug and work your way back to the spot where the bug found the target, that person may well have moved on anyway. The spells used to create the bug are more effective than the bug itself.
That makes a lot of sense thinking that way... Though I believe that, even if I get that speed up, it wont make much of a difference on the overall acceptance of the item.
And thinking about what was on my mind back then, it made sense that the item was like that, even if i can't remember in what case... But it did make sense! If I remember it, Ill post it here ;)
Re: Cane of Ages
Age too high: Yes, choosing an age too high would have only the con damage effect. Perhaps I should have re-worded that.
Minimum age: Yes, the minimum age bit was difficult to phrase. As I said before, I had something like 10 different versions of that paragraph. That SHOULD have been a red flag to me. Azmahel had a great suggestion for this...
Wordcount: my wordcount was 299, so yes, that was an issue.
Young Template: I just kicked myself. Hard. That would have been MUCH easier. And much easier to understand.
Temporary bonuses: that was pretty much straight out of the spell descriptions that alter stats. I was afraid I would get "dinged" if I DIDN't put it in.
Rod: Someone else (Wicht) compared it to a staff, so perhaps this was an issue after all. I still don't think a cane is a rod (or a staff), but my opinion isn't the one that counts. Next year, I'm avoiding this issue altogether. Whatever I submit won't remotely resemble any other type of item.
Thanks to both of you (and again to Wicht). I'd still like to see what a judge thought, but I think you both helped me understand where I went wrong.
Ok Clark - I'm ready - let me have it...
Drow Tallow Candle
Aura: faint transmutation; CL 4th
Slot --; Price 40,500 gp; Weight ½ lb.
The Drow Tallow Candle appears as a sickly charcoal colored, double-wicked, oversized candle, veined in deep maroons and ochre. The candle has been crafted from the rendered fat of a Drow Elf, bees wax, rare underworld mushrooms and lichens. One wick is made from the twisted yellowed tendons while the other is made from braided arteries of a Drow Elf. It has a damp earthy, fetid stench and when lit reeks of rotting flesh.
Lighting the tendon wick will create Darkness (range 20’ radius, duration 1 minute).
Lighting both wicks will create Dancing Lights (range 120’, duration 1 minute).
Dripping wax from the lit wick made of arteries onto one’s skin will endow the user with Levitation (up to 25’ for a duration of one minute per drop -- this works only on willing creatures up to 250 pounds)
Blowing out the candle in the direction of a target will outline the target(s) in Faerie Fire (5’ radius burst up to a range of 200’, duration 1 minute).
The candle has 20 uses. Each activation of any power constitutes one use. All casting times are 1 standard action.
Construction: Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Darkness, Faerie Fire, Dancing Lights, Levitation.
Cost 20,250 gp
Azmahel,
Thanks for your review of my item.
Diabolic Face of DispaterIs the bonus in intimidate untyped?
Saves are against effects, not versus. Also do they get the penalty on the first save (which is a fear effect)Is vision of hell from Gods & magic or any other legal source I don't have at hand? Otherwise that is a problem.
How often can the wearer use the Scream of Fear, reading the item both once and once per round are legal interpretations.
You make a good point about the bonus type, although that is not done 100% of the time.
Against/versus pretty much semantics, but I'll agree with you.
Yes, vision of hell is from Gods & Magic. I would have added that reference but others had not done that in previous years.
I'm confused on your other questions about the first save and when the scream of fear can be done as it is fairly specific and pretty hard to be interpreted any other way. Maybe you were just reading through all of these too fast?
Anyhow, thanks for the review. I know it's tough work and you're opening yourself up to criticism.
I would really like to see an item from you , which has a funny, humorous application ( again hinting at the goblin skull bomb) rather than a funny description.
Thanks. I frankly think that the only thing that could beat the Cacaphonous Monkey is a Slinky Blink Dog or something. ;)
By the way, I am not at all personally offended. I think it's been a good discussion so far.
Azmahel,
Thanks for your review of my item.
Diabolic Face of DispaterIs the bonus in intimidate untyped?
Saves are against effects, not versus. Also do they get the penalty on the first save (which is a fear effect)Is vision of hell from Gods & magic or any other legal source I don't have at hand? Otherwise that is a problem.
How often can the wearer use the Scream of Fear, reading the item both once and once per round are legal interpretations.
You make a good point about the bonus type, although that is not done 100% of the time.
Against/versus pretty much semantics, but I'll agree with you.
Yes, vision of hell is from Gods & Magic. I would have added that reference but others had not done that in previous years.
I'm confused on your other questions about the first save and when the scream of fear can be done as it is fairly specific and pretty hard to be interpreted any other way. Maybe you were just reading through all of these too fast?
Anyhow, thanks for the review. I know it's tough work and you're opening yourself up to criticism.
Yeah I'm going on pretty fast. And sometimes I'm pretty much playing dumb, trying to misinterpret things or just nit-picking. Thats not to be mean, but to probe the item for flaws, searching for things that might be misunderstood.
Because if you want your item to be perfect you need to be fool-proof.Against/ versus - nitpicking. very much.
The penalty applying is a hard case of playing dumb. It would not be the first time i would have heard of someone misunderstanding something like this. But yeah it's pretty clear. ( that doesn't stop them though.)
But I'm really not sure how often your scream of fear may be used. Maybe it's because I'm not a native speaker, maybe because it is ambiguous. (I'm leaning towards once for the entire duration)
After all, these are all minor issues.
I didn't dig your flavor too much but you didn't have any major problems.
So this is a quite good item.
One last Question ( to lazy to check right now): Is Dispater OGL/Public domain ?
I would really like to see an item from you , which has a funny, humorous application ( again hinting at the goblin skull bomb) rather than a funny description.Thanks. I frankly think that the only thing that could beat the Cacaphonous Monkey is a Slinky Blink Dog or something. ;)
By the way, I am not at all personally offended. I think it's been a good discussion so far.
Oh, i didn't think you were offended and that i had to compliment you to make up for it.
I really smiled reading that sentence. ( while thinking what I said)I liked the discussion too, but we were starting to get off-topic.
If you wish to continue to discuss about humor in gaming I suppose you start a new thread.
I'll be there to join you :)
Dedicated Voter Season 7
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One last Question ( to lazy to check right now): Is Dispater OGL/Public domain ?
Yes. He was a Roman god of the underworld originally. See Dispater
Yes. He was a Roman god of the underworld originally. See Dispater
One last Question ( to lazy to check right now): Is Dispater OGL/Public domain ?
I just checked myself ( I'm often less lazy than I think ).
So he's good (safe) there too.
Director of Brand Strategy
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Yes. He was a Roman god of the underworld originally. See Dispater
One last Question ( to lazy to check right now): Is Dispater OGL/Public domain ?
Dispater: Now with art on PathfinderWiki.
Amazing how many people seem to become awaken (perhaps it should be a new condition...:) while it is UTC+1 time for me to sleep.
Anyway, thank you guys and gals for the fun.
I like that kind of thread.
Read you in my morning :)
With all this Hell talk, I had to post since this is #666 of the thread.
Actually, when you are the 666th, you get number 665...
Zero-based count, I guess...Good day/night :)
Thanks for the third set of eyes on it, Azmahel! I appreciate all feedback.
As I suspected before, maybe the noose just isn't right for Pathfinder, at least not in a PG-13 aimed game. I think my preference in more mature games may have blinded me to compatibility issues.
I can't really deny the multiple rolls and how clunky they are. The item isn't designed (and probably another fault with it) to be a quick use or particularly easy. It's meant to be an experience, a scene, and I thought the potential of death gave it weight enough to hold players' attentions a few minutes for the rolls and the answers.
I guess I also struggle with in-game practicality vs. roleplaying opportunity. Some (probably most) parties would know of a much easier way to acquire divinations and thus purchase the proper scrolls, versus using this item that risks life and death for up to three revelations. I feel the former is a little "gamey", while the latter may be too impractical. I imagine it's all a matter of taste, and how do you account for the tastes of the entire Pathfinder community? I guess that is the essence of being a designer haha. Me personally, I would want to introduce the noose versus a scroll to offer players a chance to explore something new with divinations. I figure even if it's a last resort item, in the proper setting where there's no means to buy any Divination scrolls, they've all run out or they never bothered to purchase any, a player might be willing to risk it all for insight into saving his friends from a dungeon they're trapped in, or to prevent a murder or something like that. That sounds exciting to me.
I definitely see your issues with the item and they may very well be the reasons it didn't succeed. Thanks again for your insight, and I'd be interested to hear more of your thoughts.
Okay, it's kinda late on this, but I couldn't find the file I'd saved of the version I submitted until I realized it was at work. So here's what I submitted. The first thing I'll note is its a really dumbed down version of what I let my players use in game... and I thought building it with the PFRPG item creation bits that it was far too expensive... perhaps I shouldn't have removed some of the other abilities...
Books of Messages
Aura: Moderate Evocation CL: 9th
Slot -, Weight 3lbs Price: 67,500
Description:
These two 100 page books are crafted to look identical, but each pair of these books is has some aesthetic difference. When someone writes a message of 100 words or less in one of the books, it appears in the other book one hour. Each 100 word message takes up a single page, and remains on the page at the other end. Once each a book is full the aura on both books dissipates. If one of the pair is destroyed, the remaining books received messages fade away after 1 hour.
Construction:
Craft Wondrous Item, sending, 33,250 GP
Ok, because you specifically asked for it. (And I love talking and musing about these things)
I can't really deny the multiple rolls and how clunky they are. The item isn't designed (and probably another fault with it) to be a quick use or particularly easy. It's meant to be an experience, a scene, and I thought the potential of death gave it weight enough to hold players' attentions a few minutes for the rolls and the answers.
Yeah, its definitely not an item you use on your way, or even in an encounter. Using this item will and should be a distinct part of a gaming session ( which is a hint that maybe it should be artifact territory, but thats another matter)
but i think the multiple rolls actually hinder the little story, because they break the flow.Dm: (finishing the Vision) "... with that your vision returns to normal and you again feel the tight grip of the noose around your throat. you are now at 0 HP and will soon pass out"
Player: "Was the damage lethal or nonlethal?"
DM: *checks the item* " Uhmm, make that lethal."
Player: "Ok, I want to rip the noose off before I pass out"
DM: " make a Will save."
Player: " What? Why?"
DM: " For some reason you don't want to let go. Maybe its the experience of the visions, maybe the noose is magically compelling you."
Player: *grumbles* " Ok. What's the DC"
DM: "I'm not telling you. make the roll."
Player: *rolls* "19!"
Dm. *checks the item again, because he forgot the DC* "Ok, you pass out and begin to "-
Player: "wait, how long did the first vison last, i mean real-time?"
Dm: " not long, about 30 seconds"
Player: " Oh then the resistance spell Bob did cast on me before putting the noose on is still in effect. make that a 20."
Dm: "Ok, you manage to pull of the noose, you don't pass out and are at 0 HP "
Player: "Great. What was that vision again?"
--
While the situation above is clearly exaggerated, i hope it shows my concerns. Surely it could be the other way around, the player trembling when he makes his saving throw, because he feels how his character struggles not to pass out, etc. But i think calling for rolls repeatedly during a scene, especially if you have to look up some rules hinder scenes like this greatly.
I imagine it's all a matter of taste, and how do you account for the tastes of the entire Pathfinder community? I guess that is the essence of being a designer haha.
Yeah thats a pretty good point. I think one major point of being a designer is making other people do the work for you. Give them an Idea, a theme and some rules that work within the theme, without straightening it out too much. If your theme is good it gets the people who read it thinking and their imagination and creativity does things with your concept that you couldn't have thought off. In the end they love your concept, because it does do exactly what they imagined/ wished for. But thats just because they filled the gaps you left there for them to fill. A really good example for this is the following comment I nabbed from the Pharasmas Blessing thread:
I love the imagery my item seems to have struck up in some people's minds:
"Because as you commune with the realm of the dead you slowly slide ever the nearer to crossing the line."
"I take it that the user is lying there, unconcious, mumbling questions at a nearby corpse, which is answering"
"You play with some pretty interesting concepts regarding the boundary between life and death and I would love to see more items from you that work with the death's door mechanic."
His item didn't say anything about these things , but people started filling the gaps with their ideas, fitting the items implications to their need. ( and liking it because it fits their needs / imaginations)
I wrote some words about focusing your theme in my comments about Taigs item (Spirit Scroll IIRC). if you're interested check it out :)
Books of MessagesI'm sure I've seen this before somewhere. Also, at this price you could just buy a pair of ring gates and pass notes back and forth indefinitely and have lots of coin to spare with no worry about running out of pages.
That was one of the big things that almost made me drop the item from my submission... (and why I dropped a lot of the features)... this item suddenly got WAY expensive. I actually decreased the time for the message to arrive (to justify the expense) and decreased the size of the messages (to avoid having to justify it not being MORE expensive)...
As for seeing something like it... I've not but all my DND history is from the last 5 years or so... and while I have lots of older books, I'm still digging through them over time.
Contributor, RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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That was one of the big things that almost made me drop the item from my submission... (and why I dropped a lot of the features)... this item suddenly got WAY expensive. I actually decreased the time for the message to arrive (to justify the expense) and decreased the size of the messages (to avoid having to justify it not being MORE expensive)...
Well pricing is a very touchy and ultimately much of the price depends on how useful/ desirable the item is. I know a lot of people feel that the guidelines are hard and fast rules but I don't go that way.
One thing I can see which makes this item more desirable than the ring gates is there does not appear to be a limit on range and you can apparently use it from another plane.
As for seeing something like it... I've not but all my DND history is from the last 5 years or so... and while I have lots of older books, I'm still digging through them over time.
Maybe it just seems familiar to me, it's possible from a movie or something. I certainly can't point to an item which does this.
That was one of the big things that almost made me drop the item from my submission... (and why I dropped a lot of the features)... this item suddenly got WAY expensive. I actually decreased the time for the message to arrive (to justify the expense) and decreased the size of the messages (to avoid having to justify it not being MORE expensive)...Well pricing is a very touchy and ultimately much of the price depends on how useful/ desirable the item is. I know a lot of people feel that the guidelines are hard and fast rules but I don't go that way.
One thing I can see which makes this item more desirable than the ring gates is there does not appear to be a limit on range and you can apparently use it from another plane.
As for seeing something like it... I've not but all my DND history is from the last 5 years or so... and while I have lots of older books, I'm still digging through them over time.Maybe it just seems familiar to me, it's possible from a movie or something. I certainly can't point to an item which does this.
Hmm... for a while I was writing an online short story with a friend... that short story had a fluff only version of this mentioned (called something very different)... it was so vague a reference that I didn't think it'd be an issue... perhaps I have made trouble...
Hmm... for a while I was writing an online short story with a friend... that short story had a fluff only version of this mentioned (called something very different)... it was so vague a reference that I didn't think it'd be an issue... perhaps I have made trouble...That was one of the big things that almost made me drop the item from my submission... (and why I dropped a lot of the features)... this item suddenly got WAY expensive. I actually decreased the time for the message to arrive (to justify the expense) and decreased the size of the messages (to avoid having to justify it not being MORE expensive)...Well pricing is a very touchy and ultimately much of the price depends on how useful/ desirable the item is. I know a lot of people feel that the guidelines are hard and fast rules but I don't go that way.
One thing I can see which makes this item more desirable than the ring gates is there does not appear to be a limit on range and you can apparently use it from another plane.
As for seeing something like it... I've not but all my DND history is from the last 5 years or so... and while I have lots of older books, I'm still digging through them over time.Maybe it just seems familiar to me, it's possible from a movie or something. I certainly can't point to an item which does this.
Paired communication items are pretty popular. The only book i can remember from the top of my mind would be Tom Riddles Diary in Harry Potter 2 ( I know that it is technically not the same, but the theme is there)
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Director of Narrative
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Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
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My favorite incarnation of the paired communication devices I've seen recently was in the TV series Fringe.
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Contributor, RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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My favorite incarnation of the paired communication devices I've seen recently was in the TV series Fringe. ** spoiler omitted **
There is also "The Lakehouse", a movie about people who exchange letters through a mailbox/ time machine... sounds weird but it was a good movie.
Then I read about this thing called the internet where you write messages on your computer and they show up on other people's computers ;)
Maybe it just seems familiar to me, it's possible from a movie or something. I certainly can't point to an item which does this.
I think the main bad guy had something similiar in the Legend of the Seeker TV series, though I have no idea if it was in the books too.
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Contributor, RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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Maybe it just seems familiar to me, it's possible from a movie or something. I certainly can't point to an item which does this.I think the main bad guy had something similiar in the Legend of the Seeker TV series, though I have no idea if it was in the books too.
Now that you mention it I do recall that. Also from a blog on the series:
"Darken Rahl uses the Journey Book to communicate with his legions in the field by writing in the book (in blood, of course, because he’s evil). The writing then magically appears in the distant book. "There are honestly so many item concepts that are out there it is tough to come up with something unique. Not trying to rain misery on your item, as I said I thought I'd seen it before.
Maybe it just seems familiar to me, it's possible from a movie or something. I certainly can't point to an item which does this.I think the main bad guy had something similiar in the Legend of the Seeker TV series, though I have no idea if it was in the books too.Ah, yes indeed he did, he wrote in blood.
@Notsonoble -> Sorry, not trying to rain misery on your item, as I said I thought I'd seen it before.
No misery felt, was just a tad worried there for a minute that I'd actually broke a rule or two of the contest.
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Contributor, RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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No misery felt, was just a tad worried there for a minute that I'd actually broke a rule or two of the contest.Maybe it just seems familiar to me, it's possible from a movie or something. I certainly can't point to an item which does this.I think the main bad guy had something similiar in the Legend of the Seeker TV series, though I have no idea if it was in the books too.Ah, yes indeed he did, he wrote in blood.
@Notsonoble -> Sorry, not trying to rain misery on your item, as I said I thought I'd seen it before.
Nah, there is nothing wrong with rehashing stuff to some extent. The judges might get irritated if they think you copied an item deliberately though.
IMO the bigger issue was the price in any case. I couldn't see anyone buying it at that cost when there are so many other less expensive ways to communicate. As I mentioned if it can send to any plane then perhaps it's worth it but still pretty niche.
You replied before my edits :)
I was wondering...
I assume the judges discussed all submitted items in their respective threads to decide whether or not to keep them, just like they did the top 32, right?
Then why not make all those threads public? That way even those who didn't make round 2 can see the 'official' commentary as well as collect all spectator-comments per item.
Wouldn't that make it easier for all of us? Or would opening that much threads be an IT-organizational nightmare? Maybe it's a deliberate move to get the community socializing more? Or is there some entirely different reason that I'm just not seeing?
Because it seems like such a basic suggestion; somebody else must have already proposed this. In which case I apologize for the redundancy -- I'm just to preoccupied right now (read: lazy) to look it up.
I was wondering...
Sektor, I believe that Clark mentioned that he didn't want to put up the 'unvarnished' commentary because it was very shorthand and often quite cutting in its remarks. Not intentionally, but because they were poring through so many entries. He doesn't want to discourage people by having them see what looks to the untrained eye to be a cruel dismissal of their item.
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Shard of the Shattered Soul
** spoiler omitted **
My main idea there was that the channel negative energy part comes from the user essentially forcing shard to consume the soul fragment inside of it, which causes an explosion of negative or necromantic energy. And yes, I'm aware that it would harm the caster too, lol, unless they had some sort of defense against negative energy. Bit of a double-edged sword in that regard.
Sektor, I believe that Clark mentioned that he didn't want to put up the 'unvarnished' commentary because it was very shorthand and often quite cutting in its remarks. [snip]
Thanks, Patrick, for clearing that up (and repeating it again for my sake... sorry for the wasted effort on your part).
It seems a fair enough reason, but I'd still be glad to hear what they had to say on my submission. Personally, I'd prefer a harsh lesson over no lesson at all -- it would take a heck of a lot more to discourage me ;)
Stone Baby
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 7th
Slot held; Price 39,200 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
A stone baby is the result of a failed pregnancy in which the fetus is not expelled after death and is too large to be absorbed by the mother’s body. The fetus then calcifies, occasionally even fusing with the mother’s own bone structure. Properly enchanted, this item can act as a useful talisman against necromantic magic and the undead, protecting it’s bearer with the life it was denied. Once per day, when the bearer of a stone baby would be the target of a death effect or energy drain, the bearer is immediately granted the protection of the spell death ward. This effect lasts for 7 minutes after it has been activated. While carrying a stone baby, the bearer is continuously under the effect of the spell hide from undead. To gain either of the benefits listed above, the bearer must cradle the stone baby in one arm as if carrying and infant. Whenever within 60 feet of an undead creature, the stone baby will moan softly like an infant stirring in its sleep. This ability functions as detect undead, save that it operates in a 60 foot radius and no additional information can be attained save that an undead is within range. This last ability is always active regardless of whether the stone baby is being carried or not.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, death ward, hide from undead, detect undead; Cost 19,600 gp
Thanks Clark.
Stone Baby
This is one magical item that made me go "damn". Wow.
Stone Baby
...
As a father to two very young girls, and as a friend to women that have lost babies this made me go, ew that is all kinds messed up.
The geek part of me was thinking, kewl that is all kinds of messed up.
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Marathon Voter Season 7
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RE Stone Baby
Asthetics aside, I'm not sure "Slot held" is a viable choice. You might make it take up a shield slot if you want to keep the price that low but otherwise I am guessing creating a phantom slot was a strike against you from the getgo.
Your second strike is, I think, in overly describing the origin of the stone baby. How often does such a miscarriage happen? You have essentially said that creating one of these is akin to finding an egg laid by a rooster and hatched by a toad. It works alright for fairy tales or one-off stories but in-game you are creating too restrictive a condition for a common wondrous item.
Third strike is that it is a spell in a can. A rather grisly spell in a can, but once you pull off the morbid trappings you have a rock that casts three spells.
Companion’s Shifting Collar: This gives arcane casters near-instant access to any familiar bonus they want, which is broken, and forcing druids and rangers to recreate companion stats on the fly is not fun. The phrase "an animal that is bonded to an individual by a class feature" raises questions: Does a paladin's mount count? Can this apply to familiars bonded via Improved Familiar? Why can't I do this with my fighter and his dog he's had since childhood?
Vic, thank you kindly for taking the time to share feedback, both your own and the judges' comments that you have access to. I was assuming that my item was dropped because it didn't have the flashiness necessary to win over the judges. I really appreciate you taking the time to show me the blind spot in my thought process as to why this was broken, especially the element of slowing play. The element of rapid access to the different familiar bonuses was deliberate, but it looks like I didn't price the item high enough for that element. In hindsight, I should have looked more closely at how Jason engineered the beast shape spells for how to make it easier to work during play.
We can see by your postings that you are working seven days a week, and I think I can speak for the other contestants when I say thank you for taking the extra time on our behalf. We'll take the criticism and work to make the judge's task that much more challenging and rewarding for Superstar 2011. In the meantime, I'm following along to learn from the lessons being taught to others, and enjoying the heck out of the next round of Superstar!
P.S.S I'm 9 BTW.Edit: Make that 10. 20 minutes ago I turned 10.
Happy Birthday Nerrat
Today I'll tackle pages 7,8&9. There are now way less items per page. Seems like I almost made it.
Terrestrial’s Guide
This is a though one. What I don't like is that this item tries to be *smart* , to explain why it does what it does by applying logic or physics. But if you start this you need to counter-apply logics too. And whoever uses this item will be in trouble as soon as he unknowingly wanders into a lit area in the dungeon. Because then he is a big blob of blackness wandering about.
And it gives the item a less wondrous and more technical flair.
You don't mention that using the lantern to create this light with a shell of darkness uses charges, or how long one charge lasts.
If the light is automatic, then why should one use the shadowy illumination power?
“have all traces of darkvision eradicated” I didn't know darkvision left traces, that can be eradicated ;) . “loose their darkvison” would have been more clear.
Protector’s Ink
It transfers all damage? Making the creature effectively invulnerable to HP damage?
That would make the item a potential for abuse. For example one might subdue a troll, chain him down somewhere inaccessible and force the mark on him. Congratulations, you are nearly invulnerable for 1 month.
The most flavorful use of this (and the one most adding to the game) would be a villain using this on the princess he has taken hostage, and showing the heroes that any harm they inflict on him is instead suffered by her. Because now the Characters have to think of a way to defeat the villain without harming the princess ( too much) but this application would be best suited as a plot device.
Candle of Deals
This item has a tight , well known theme. But after all it's just a very limited spell in a can.
Pricing might be an issue, because you shouldn't forget all the limitations and implications of a planar binding spell. (you need dimensional anchor and circle of protection too, need to make checks to make a deal etc. )
Also the creature seems to be under no compulsion/obligation to perform the task for the demon.
I Would say this would be better suited as a story device, ( slightly different form a plot device) rather than a magic item that can be found or even bought.
Portable Orcish Birthing Pit
I've never heard of orcish birthing pits outside of lord of the rings.
Am I right that this is a home campaign item?
That said, I neither like the idea nor the mechanical application.
If you want to create a “build your own monster” summoning device, I would suggest you should take a look at the summoner playtest and let yourself be inspired by the eidolon and it's evolution points.
Artifex-Gnomish
backstory is superfluous.
Again a workshop in a can / camping item. Take a look at the wizards lab or the Gypsie trade consortium ( both page 1 IIRC) for similar items. Also I'm having trouble really understanding you item. Try to polish your presentation and language.
Stitchskin Suit
An Intelligent item is not a wondrous item. This might be grounds for auto rejection.
Is this maybe more of a graft or a symbiont. ( both not yet introduced to pathfinder, afaik)
“It works like a living suit of armor.” - does that mean it confers an armor bonus?
And finally its just disguise self and simulacrum in a gross can.
Cloth of the Blind Crusader
This seems to be an item that exists solely to give one, very special NPC some powers relevant to his situation. This is very, very specific in both flavor and application.
But if you loosen up the theme to make the item more applicable to a wider array of potential users it's different powers will most certainly become disconnected. Maybe this is again better suited as a plot device.
Kerchief of Vanishing
Hmm. Nice little thing. But basically a spell in a can. So not much creativity and innovation here. “nice, but not more”.
Wyrmwyrding Talons of Tiamat
This is very powerful (especially the second power) .
It effectively grants 2 bonus feats and gives a lot of bonus damage.
Or it boost the DC of most spells greatly , stilles and silences them , let's them perfectly beat spell resistance ( even spell immunity) and not drawing AOO's. That is a lot.
I would be very wary before introducing any effect in the game that makes a spell or spellike effect supernatural in nature.
Lorekeeper's Lexicon
The name tells me that this is just another big book of knowledge. Let's see if I'm right.
Sadly I am. While this has some nice ideas and actually has some promise, it suffers, because it threads a trampled path.
Try to do something new with your item. Something that hasn't been done before.
And reading the requirements it's technically a scroll not a wondrous item.
Bloody Bones of the Tribal Champion
I Like this item. The bonuses are pretty high for the cost. Especially considering that the damage done by activating the item can easily be healed and the item can be kept activated indefinetly. Os it's not really a drawback.
The Helm of Subtle Dominion
Armour bonus. (nitpicking)
“Once per day, the wearer of the helm may engage a target in conversation;” Without this item I may do so as often as I like ;) . Try to restructure this sentence to prevent misreadings.
DC of the save?
Additional...additional. ( be more careful with your editing and proofreading)
you should write that the additional penalty is a penalty to will saves.
“(no charisma bonus, no temporary effect)” should be ( minimum 0 rounds)
An item with effects based on the wearers statistics is horribly hard to price.
As is an item with the ability to dish out an unlimited number of permanent effects.
With your last sentence you suggest that the helms penalties are cumulative ( stack with themselves) they shouldn't be.
Companion’s Shifting Collar
Hmm. Nice idea.
This is tight, simple design AND doing something that hasn't been done before. In my eyes this has many of the qualities that make one superstar. But it doesn't get my mind imagining how one could use this item. Actually I can't see many characters who would want to use this item. They have made their choice of bonded animal for a reason and I can't see why a wizard wound want their raven familiar to regularly turn into a toad. There may be some situations where another form might be good for your companion, but the need for the change will be very temporary ( one fight or obstacle/ encounter). These situations are imho best served by casting polymorph spells on your companion.
Siege Horn
Spell in a huge, heavy can.
Also it is a riff on the lyre on construction. So originality is a matter.
Gideon Black's item
this one is missing a name. I really hope your actual submission wasn't
how does the venom spitting work?
“themselves into a viper themselves” (proofread and edit your entry more than once. You need to catch errors like this)
Hypnotism is lacking a DC
They refers to the eyes.
No limit on transformation or duration thereof.
Azmahel, if you haven't noticed, your analysis and even your post style have evolved over this Herculean effort. What do you feel you've gotten out of the exercise?
And nice plot idea regarding the Protector's Ink.
Thats good to hear. To be honest, my submission this year was pretty much the first "active" confrontation with the English language i had so far.
( I read many books, watched films, etc. but nearly never spoke or wrote a single English word.)So improving and honing my language and style surely were a reason to take this task upon me.
I have already posted some of my thoughts and results below my reviews, and I will likely try to summarize the results of the experiment once I'm finished. It surely helped me a lot doing this.
Sektor, I believe that Clark mentioned that he didn't want to put up the 'unvarnished' commentary because it was very shorthand and often quite cutting in its remarks. [snip]Thanks, Patrick, for clearing that up (and repeating it again for my sake... sorry for the wasted effort on your part).
It seems a fair enough reason, but I'd still be glad to hear what they had to say on my submission. Personally, I'd prefer a harsh lesson over no lesson at all -- it would take a heck of a lot more to discourage me ;)
Plus, people submitted knowing this would be an anonymous process. No one even needs to know if they entered or not. Opening the threads takes that away. We can't go through the process of asking every person if they want it public or not. Plus, in one thread we may refer to a different item. We cant go through all thousand or so items and edit all that out. This process of posting and asking for feedback is the best way to do it.
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Owner - Johnny Scott Comics and Games
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Hi Clark!
Hope it's not too late for feedback. I'm pretty sure I got the math wrong, but would appreciate any feedback/suggestions for improvement you can provide.
Thanks in advance!
Here's my item:
Name: Poxglove
Aura: faint necromancy
CL: 5th
Slot: Hands
Price: 61,200 gp
Weight: -Description
This well worn lightweight glove is covered in grime and filth, often with small tears on the fingers and near the wrist. The wearer is immune to disease, although diseases that are active when the Poxglove is first donned still run their course.In addition, the Poxglove allows the wearer to infect a living target with one disease (per the spell Contagion) 3 times per day as a melee touch attack. The target can negate the effect with a Fortitude save. The DC of the save varies based on the disease (See the table below).
Each Poxglove can deliver a single disease determined at item creation. See below for a list of diseases a Poxglove may contain and the associated Fortitude save DCs to resist the effects:
Disease/ Fortitude DC
Blinding Sickness/ 16
Bubonic Plague/ 17
Cackle Fever/ 16
Filth Fever/ 12
Leprosy/ 12
Mindfire/ 12
Red Ache/ 15
Shakes/ 13
Slimy Doom/ 14Poxgloves are typically found as a left hand glove to keep the wearer’s weapon hand free, but right hand gloves also exist, so it is possible to use one Poxglove in each hand. When two Poxgloves are used in this manner, the Poxgloves are considered light weapons for the purposes of Two Weapon Fighting.
Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, Contagion, Remove Disease. The type of disease conveyed by the Poxglove must be determined at item creation and cannot be changed.
Cost: 30,600 gp
Bumping this up, as it seems to have been lost in the shuffle. I would really appreciate feedback on this item.
Thanks in advance!
Stone Baby
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 7th
Slot held; Price 39,200 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
A stone baby is the result of a failed pregnancy in which the fetus is not expelled after death and is too large to be absorbed by the mother’s body. The fetus then calcifies, occasionally even fusing with the mother’s own bone structure. Properly enchanted, this item can act as a useful talisman against necromantic magic and the undead, protecting it’s bearer with the life it was denied. Once per day, when the bearer of a stone baby would be the target of a death effect or energy drain, the bearer is immediately granted the protection of the spell death ward. This effect lasts for 7 minutes after it has been activated. While carrying a stone baby, the bearer is continuously under the effect of the spell hide from undead. To gain either of the benefits listed above, the bearer must cradle the stone baby in one arm as if carrying and infant. Whenever within 60 feet of an undead creature, the stone baby will moan softly like an infant stirring in its sleep. This ability functions as detect undead, save that it operates in a 60 foot radius and no additional information can be attained save that an undead is within range. This last ability is always active regardless of whether the stone baby is being carried or not.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, death ward, hide from undead, detect undead; Cost 19,600 gpThanks Clark.
They said there was one submission that went "too far" with the nasty-gross stuff, and I suspect this was the submission they were talking about.
Perhaps my head is just in a different place than yours (I will be a first-time father in apx. 5 weeks), but this item is somewhat offensive to me. I can't think of this item without thinking of all the bad things I would do to someone if they tried to turn my baby into an unliving accessory to carry around. But I'll try and get past that, and give you my other thoughts.
The "golden rule" of 1st dates, which should also apply to first impressions, is never talk about religion or politics. Talking about doing something with an aborted fetus is waaay to close to both the medical abortion issue AND stem cell research issue. Politics. Avoid it.
Moving on to game mechanics,
1)There are no game rules for pregnancy, so therefore no way to rule if a fetus has miscarried (or was medically aborted).
2)There is also no rule defining when a fetus is too large to be absorbed by the mother.
3)There is no "held" slot
4) You don't indicate a way to get rid of this "item", which is INSIDE the character. Following that train of thought, there is also no way for a new character to use this item.
5) Your requirements for making this item are to be a) female, b) pregnant, c) miscarry the birth, d) miscarry late enough in the pregnancy that the baby is not absorbed by the mother, AND e) still meet all of the casting requirements. When is this ever going to happen? In 25 years of gaming, I've never seen any character, in any group I was part of, actually meet these requirements.