The Scarlet Legionary Banner
Aura faint enchantment, moderate necromancy; CL 7th
Slot -; Price 35,000 gp; Weight 8 lb.
Description
This vermilion banner is attached to an ornate oaken handle with a sharp-pointed end. Snow-white dwarven runes adorn the edges of the flag. The fabric is torn at places, hinting at a long history of warfare.
When the banner is unrolled, majestic, yet grim dwarven war song fills the air and can be heard within a 30-foot-radius around the wielder. Once per day, the song's ancient power can be awakened to provide inspiration for the owner's allies, as by a good hope spell centered around the flag.
While holding the banner high in battle, the wielder can make an Intimidate check with a +5 bonus against all foes within 30 feet who can see him, even if he lacks previous training in this skill.
If it's subtler abilities are not adequate, the banner can be used in combat as a keen shortspear.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, good hope, fear; Cost 15,000 gp
I think this is really a weapon--the spear of the scarlet legionary. Its only kinda a wondrous item.
Plus, when I read "Snow-white dwarven runes" it makes me wonder if the runes say "sleepy, grumpy, bashful, doc, etc".
Reject.
Kept.
Note: I kept this item because we had several banners and I thought another one was better than this. We kept both so that we could choose between the two strongest banners. I didnt think this one made the grade. But Wolf liked it alot. Dont interpret my "kept" comment as meaning I changed my mind on this. I didnt. I just was the guy who hit the keep button so that we would have both banners in the kept folder for our later consideration.
I like the use of the morale-bolstering aura.
I, too, am thinking of Sleepy, Dopey, and the rest.
If it works as a keen shortspear, it should also include the prereqs for making a keen shortspear (Craft Magic Arms and Armor, keen edge).
Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 4, Legendary Games
|
Congratulations on making RPG Superstar 2009!
As a confession, I really like magical banners. One of my favorite classic Marvel Graphic Novels is The Raven Banner. I love the scene in LotR when Theoden cuts down the serpent banner on the Pelennor Fields. I thought about leaving this til last just for that reason, but here I am at #11 and you were next in line.
Your flavor text is good, evocative, and gives a good visual for the item, so we are primed for something good.
I like the item. I like the morale effects and the Intimidate bonus (though you needn't be trained to use Intimidate).
"Snow white" and "dwarven" is probably not the best choice of words to put in juxtaposition, though honestly I didn't notice it until the SuperJudges pointed it out. Some people would get it and some not, and as somebody who loves putting little 'easter eggs' in things that I write I have no place to call out anybody else or doing it, but it's a hit and miss bet.
Speaking of gambling, you rolled the dice big time by adding in that last sentence about using it as a weapon, for three reasons:
1. There were many warnings about DQ for items that were "not really a wondrous item."
2. You didn't say what the magical enhancement bonus is for the spear.
3. You didn't include Craft Arms & Armor or keen edge in the construction section.
I guess the gamble paid off, though, because here you are.
Summary: I like magical banners and I like this one pretty well. I would probably drop the "magic spear" angle and make the runes some color other than snow-white and I think you'd be in good shape.
aka Robert G. McCreary
|
I didn't notice the "Snow White - dwarven" juxtaposition at first either, but that's the kind of thing you hope your editor catches before you end up looking silly in print.
At first, this didn't really feel "Superstar" to me. The morale powers of good hope seem obvious for a banner. However, being used as a keen shortspear does throw something special in there at the end. I can picture a young standard bearer, surrounded by a horde of foes, his army all but defeated, swinging his banner and trying to rally the troops for one last attack. And I'm a sucker for dwarven flavor.
But as Jason said, it's a big omission to leave out the enhancement bonus and requirements for the keen ability, though I suspect that had to do with making it fit within the parameters of a wondrous item, and not risk DQ for a magic weapon.
Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 4
|
And unlike the previous Top 4 adjudicators, I noticed the Snow White thing immediately.
I thought to myself: "Oh, why not 'ash-white' dwarven runes? Ouch!"
This is a neat item, and I like the execution; still, it's not is if Intimidate is a trained-only skill, so I'm not certain why the user of this item gets a +5 to Intimidate checks "even if he lacks previous training in this skill".
There are flaws here, certainly. Including the whole "banner can be used in combat as a keen shortspear" thing - I honestly sat there for a second wondering if it the length of wrapped cloth could actually be used to stab people. No, the banner comes with a free oaken handle, complete with sharpened end. Perhaps the banner turns whatever handle it's attached to into a magical weapon - that would be a wondrous property, and completely in line with the item.
All in all, I quite like this item & would gladly use it at my table.
Congratulations, and I look forward to seeing more as Superstar progresses!
|
Contributor, RPG Superstar
aka Leandra Christine Schneider
|
I like banners, so I was pretty excited to get to read this (I even pushed it away a little to nurture my anticipation). Unfortunately, I did get the snow-white reference early and that spoiled a bit of the fun for me (seriously, dwarves and snow-white?!).
The benefits the banner grants are some of the often used morale effects, so I am neither excited nor let down by that.
Positive
The use as a spear. I really liked that angle because it bolsters the martial background of the item quite a bit.
Neat formatting.
Negative
A weapon with keen property and without a bonus is a no-no. That should have absolutely been there.
The description made me chuckle a little, which pulled me out of the grim, martial mood you were starting to put up.
The item has a price of 35000gp and a cost of 15000gp? I think that should have been 17,500gp.
After reading all entries:
While starting with a good concept, I feel this one has a lot of minor issues here and there. From its description to the Intimidate thing I have that “nearly” feeling all the time. I hope the issues are minor enough, good luck and welcome to RPG Superstar.
Let me begin by saying that I am stunned, amazed, petrified and all sorts of happy to be in the top 32.
Thank you for seeing something promising in me, and giving me such a chance. Inside, I know that I will do my best. Hopefully - whatever it is - will be to everyone's liking.
I won't lie to myself and say I "kicked ass" this round. Sure, my item fired up my imagination - but there are tons of areas to improve in my design.
I have my hopes - I know that I am capable of making my players happy, and now I will push even further. I have my doubts, too - English is not my maternal language, and I can only cross fingers that my grasp of it is adequate. My age (and respectively, inexperience) has it's drawbacks, too.
But now isn't the time for that. Now, I am simply proud.
Thank you judges.
I will do my best.
Great, now I've got "Hi-ho, hi-ho" done in all bass voices running through my head ::chuckle::
I kinda wish the "attack" last resort thing had been something from the banner, or a bonus conferred to AC or something rather than it feeling like a spear with a gorgeous banner attached.
Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 6
,
Dedicated Voter Season 6
|
In past editions, some weapons made it in the miscellaneous or wondrous items categories, but not in the current incarnation of the game. This is a weapon with special properties, like a trident of fish command, not a wondrous item. I do like the sound effects, though the item doesn't do much beyond being a weapon (1/day spell and a skill bonus).
It does have lots of flavor, which is nice.
The concept is good, solid. Not crazy about adding a weapon aspect. Does more or less what you'd want it to do otherwise.
Grammar should be checked for future submissions. :-)
You're all right, I included the weapon part last and I doubted adding it for a long time. It almost looks like an afterthought, a gamble, but I wanted to push the item over the top - Rob got the imagery right!
I facepalmed (if you pardon the word) several times after I submitted over several obvious issues. *sigh* I guess excitement got the best of me and I submitted something that had a spark, but lacked the mechanics to back it up. I will really aim to improve as I go.
I have to! :) I have been given a great chance.
The ghost sound should've been there.
If a new Scarlet Legionary Banner is created, it would be very much intact. No ruptures and all. The dwarven runes are just an artistic touch, they don't serve a particular purpose.
|
If a new Scarlet Legionary Banner is created, it would be very much intact. No ruptures and all. The dwarven runes are just an artistic touch, they don't serve a particular purpose.
mmm
no use?my recommendation would be to give this runes a significance, a military or city's motto "Solid as Stone" or a vow "Ironhall would be free", this would reinforce the moral/intimidation benefits from the item, they are already used in similar banners most of the time
this item has a close background to dwarves, but if a human did something similar it won't stop her to put words instead of runes
still the idea is quite good
since my native language is not english i missed the 7 dwarves detail :P for me she is "Blanca Nieves"
congratz
Err, I mean no particular use in mechanics! Of course, the runes are not gibberish; they probably say inspirational things along the lines of "never back down", "we shalt kick your butt", etc.
For me, Snow-white is "Snezhanka", so I sort of missed the fairy tale reference at first, too.
Now I giggle at it along others!
I like the fact that you did a magical banner. It's an underused type of item that really ought to have a place in the occasional adventuring party. The mechanics for bolstering everyone when it's unfurled are cool. I didn't dig the dwarven angle as much (especially the Snow White connection). I don't see any reason to tie it to a dwarven song. The elves could have a version of this banner. Humans too. Heck, even orcs and other evil races could craft something similar.
Aside from that, the core concept is solid. The mechanics for how the item works make sense. I like it. Just not super-crazy about it. Even so, welcome to the Top 32.
My two-cents,
--Neil
Banners are cool -- I have some difficulty picturing one in a typical adventurer's skirmish, but I agree with Neil that there should absolutely be more of them!
Unlike Neil, though, I quite liked the dwarven angle on this. Dwarves have traditionally been the most military-minded -- heck, the most lawful and organized generally -- of the core races, and so they're the easiest for me to picture drawn up in battle ranks with banners waving. Even more dwarven color would have been great for me: translations of the runes? An extra bonus when intimidating goblins?
Congrats on Top 32!
A nice item, Vladislav. Good luck.
A note: you seem to be describing a unique object. If I craft one of these, do I have to make it torn and battle-scarred?
If I craft one of these, do I have to be able to speak or write Dwarven?
This was what bugged me too (more than Snow-white reference, which i didn't notice until pointed out).
All of these are old and not well-preserved?|
|
i would say this would be the Dwarven Version, there could beother races versions with other benefits
Orc's might give intimidation and enhance rage
Elves would enhance moral and focus their mind (ranged attack and spells get +1)
etc :P
different races' banner should get differetn bonuses, and not everyone should have a song tied... orc's might have drums in the background, while elven trying to be stiltmight hears andcient words in their minds (message spell) reasuring them, and humans could her martial music or cheers
after having watch Rome I and II last month the banner makes me think on the Roman Legions advancing, with music to bolsteror give orders... I remeber the frist chapter that the soldiers though it wasvery important when Caesar's Banner was stolen (he didn't care but he could't show that)
For me, Snow-white is "Snezhanka", so I sort of missed the fairy tale reference at first, too.
Now I giggle at it along others!
jajajaja subconsciously adding it?
I like it. I play a lot of Warhammer, and that's a game replete with magical banners, yet it's a magic item class that's never been popular in D&D. I think you could have done without the keen shortspear ability. As the judges noted, it weakened your entry by making it seem more like a weapon with a banner tacked on, rather than the other way around.
Very nice item. Like many others have said, I like the fact that it can be used as a weapon, though instead of keen, I'd have made it thundering and described the thunder as loud dwarven voices calling out for battle. That would've tied it into both the good hope effect and the plus to Intimidate. All told though, not bad. Good job :D
Very nice item. Like many others have said, I like the fact that it can be used as a weapon, though instead of keen, I'd have made it thundering and described the thunder as loud dwarven voices calling out for battle. That would've tied it into both the good hope effect and the plus to Intimidate. All told though, not bad. Good job :D
That would have been a great idea!
It also ties the banner & spear together much more tightly, avoiding the "tack on" impression. :)
|
RPG Superstar 2013
,
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka Steven T. Helt
|
I think the mechanics here are pretty poorly executed. Jason Nelson is right about the gamble. You made a weapon, albeit incomplete, and presented it as a magic item.
So...you have a chance in this next round to right the ship. Good luck to you.
|
RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16
,
Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka JoelF847
|
I was digging the banner all the way up to the keen spear part. Not only did this skirt the rules on being a wondrous item, but for me it jacked the price higher without needing to. Assuming you meant a +1 keen spear, that's another 8,000 to the price (more if you count this as an unrelated ability), and that just takes a pretty nice utility effect further away from affordability. The less affordable the effect, the more likely a PC will sell it and buy something else. Also, by investing that portion of the price in a specific weapon, you discourage characters who prefer other weapons from wanting this item. It would have been much better if you had it work as a MW spear instead.