Clinton Boomer's page

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 4. Goblin Squad Member. Organized Play Member. 602 posts (618 including aliases). 3 reviews. No lists. No wishlists. 2 Organized Play characters.

Full Name

Clinton J. Boomer


American-Born Human Whiteboy


Bard 6th/Filmmaker 1st




Small (Powerful Build, treat as Medium)



Special Abilities

"Consume a Pack of Smokes" 2/day, +2 bonus on Profession: Bartender rolls


Chaotic Good/Chaotic Neutral


Mechanical Materialism/Gnostic Spiritualism


Macomb, IL




Bartender, Janitor, Filmmaker

Homepage URL


Strength 10
Dexterity 10
Constitution 10
Intelligence 18
Wisdom 8
Charisma 18

About Clinton Boomer

Yes, I am Boomer of CreativeJuices, and I make the PSAs. Check them out under "Homepage URL". They are funny, and full of teh W1N-zorz.


For this wonderful community, I tried to choose an uncommon avatar, one that said:

"I am a robot-angel, sent by robot-God from robot-heaven, to kick your heathen, oath-breaking meat-sack ass."

So, me, then, in 'un nut-shello':

1. Me? I love driving to Galesberg for dinner, talking about reading, reading about talking, writing about reading & talking, drinking Elderberry Honeywine & eating garlic-bread with grad-students, taking pictures of my own ass, sleeping in 'till five in the afternoon, taking hour-long baths, staying up for 48 hours at a time, walking to work, sitting in my basement doing nothing, making no plans, pontificating upon obscure literature, altered states of consciousness, attending esoteric shows, disappearing suddenly, watching people hurt themselves while skateboarding (purely academically) and ramping off of s@~~ on high-powered Japanese motorcycles in GTA: Vice City.

Make of that what you will.

2. I like to make monster noises sometimes when I'm alone. I own more pairs of ripped-up Chuck Taylors than I do pairs of underwear. I spend more every year on Tibet than I do on China. I bathe less than once a day. I can lift every single thing that I own over my head - with the sole exception of my bed. I speak twelve languages fluently - if you count being able to buy beer & cigarettes 'fluent'. I laugh more at my own jokes than anyone else does, I take books on vacation and I consider sex a spectator sport. I have set my own hair on fire. I piss people off sometimes.

And, as my boy Mikey says, when my eyes are closed, nothing can prove that I don't have wings.

3. As far as I'm concerned, I'm a moderate: My politics are somewhere to the Left of Noam Chomsky but to the Right of Che Guevara; my faith is inspired in equal parts by the Mahatma Gandhi, Walt Whitman, Rev. John Tynes & the Bodhisatva Ram Dass; my heart is bruised & beaten but never torn apart; my skin is burned, tattooed and stained with smoke; my smell has been described as "pleasant"; my world-view is a blur of Agnostic Altruism, Diogenian Cynicism, Mechanical Materialism, Gnostic Spiritualism, Secular Transhumanism, Post-Modern Taoism, Abject Nihlism, Tibeten Buddhism, Paranoid Existentialism, my deep love of bacon & a smattering of Oneiromancy; and I have GREAT hair.

4. I'm clever. Hell, I'm hilarious.

F$%~, everybody should have a friend like me.

5. I make funny movies about sex and D&D. In other words: I rule.

6. Email me, and I'll send you a personalized copy of one of my many un-published short-stories.

Hell, I might even write you into one.

7. I like pleasure spiked with pain, and nachos are my aeroplane.

8. I am the pickiest, most self-obesessed, most arrogant, and, above all, flat-out-filthiest best friend you will ever have.

. . . I've said too much already.

9. You may notice that much like the Buddha, I have eight baskets of wisdom. Well, nine, including this one. F%!#.