You know your in trouble when the entire party is composed of Clerics and Rangers with Fav. Enemy (Undead) o.o
Here's a two liner.
What do you get when you cross an owl and a bear?
Torn to shreds!
You know the game is in trouble when the players try to give Filge an "Extreme Makeover". o.o
Not a one-liner, but funny anyway.
DM(Me): You get into the inn room just as the egg begins to crack.
Druid Player: OK, I'm making my handle animal check while Darius (NPC cleric) makes his healing check. (to safely "deliver" the baby dragon)
DM: You both make your checks. The shell of the egg cracks and bulges. Suddenly, a mass of green worms explodes all over Darius (the cleric).
Artificer Player: Ha ha, that's funny...no really...are you serious?
DM: *mischevious grin*, eye contact with each player.
All Players: *miscellaneous groaning and cursing*
I love it when a PC plan falls apart...
1) "One of these days, your curiosity is SO going to see you killed."
Tenor, the Paladin to Kain, the fire-loving Warmage after poking around in a web-filled backpack containing the indigo lantern in Whispering Cairn.
2) "Oh my god, a Drowic exotic dancer with a sword! I am SO there!"
Teonas, the Barbarian, upon seeing Syrinx, the Illythirii (pre-Drow) Bard/Cleric of Eilistraee walk up to them wearing nothing but a see-through silk djellaba and a bastard sword after finishing her sword dancing at the Emporium.
3) "Do you have a sister?"
Kain the Warmage to Syrinx.
"That's what it would look like if you hadn't broken into the back of the upper seating."
"Since you killed the mind flayer earlier, there are just the crawling eyeballs here."
"Oh come on, there can't be THAT many beetles down there."
Said by the PC who was stuck down in the yellow elevator when the rest of the group fought 1 of the 3 acid beetle swarms. He volunteered to go down and entice the other beetles up into their fiery trap. He changed his mind about just how many beetles there really were shortly thereafter.
“I move 10 feet and scratch my ass, I have proficiency” Ren
Ren is a dwarf wizard with a 6 charisma.
Dresden the wizard to Darius the Cleric of the Silver Flame after "testing" the waters of the black pool in the Dourstone Mine by tossing in the captive Theldrick on a rope.
"You wouldn't be feeling so bad about this if you had let us hack off his fingers to throw in the pool instead."
*Still can't figure out why the HELL! the PCs didn't use that FREAKING! +1 Short Sword against the Grick in the ball playroom in the Whispering Cairn, resulting in a hour long combat!*
Did I not mention it was covered in runes!?
And detected as magical!!?!? >.<
*Complaining and moaning of players still ringing in ears*
MORONS!
*Sniffles* I think I'ma cry...
We do stupid things, b...Often.
*Averts eyes and walks off*
PC Dwarven wizard : " Just a wee bit farther and they will have fallen into our trap!"
Grimlock: " We're blind, not deaf, you idiot..."
Wizard: AGH, something invisible just stabbed me!
Cleric: Go invisible yourself, then you can't be sneak attacked!
Wizard: Good idea. (goes invisible)
Cleric: Now come here so I can heal you. (gropes around)... Ah, there you are. Cure critical wounds!
Assassin: Thanks. (stabs cleric)
In the Vecna labrynth, just inside the first corridor.
DM: You hear a faint scuffle and whirl about to see a kenku in leather armour with a crossbow!
Player 1: Where'd he come from?
Player 2: Well he's a bird man, so he was probably hovering up above us and hiding.
DM: >_<
*Still can't figure out why the HELL! the PCs didn't use that FREAKING! +1 Short Sword against the Grick in the ball playroom in the Whispering Cairn, resulting in a hour long combat!*
Did I not mention it was covered in runes!?
And detected as magical!!?!? >.<*Complaining and moaning of players still ringing in ears*
MORONS!
Mine failed to use the +1 Short Sword too...
Although it was only because the halfling rogue who had it, was standing on the beam busy trying to make a noose snare to throw over the Grick, so he could lasso(sp?) it and then leap off the beam to hoist it into the air... (!??!!? I thought so too...) ...
Luckily the party had a sorcerer with a penchant for Magic Missile.
It wasn't until after combat had finished that the halfling finished tying the rope noose and then realized that even if he had succeeded in snaring the grick he probably wouldn't have been able to lift it off the spheres.
Now to the one liner:
The halfling rogue to the elf sorcerer who's just picked up a couple of iron spheres... "Good to see you finally got a pair"
Mine too...My players didn't use the sword...they are so scared of cursed items that they never use magic items before having them "identify"
At least they had that insane half-orc barbarian with 20 Str...while raging and power attacking can render the DR almost useless.
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During last night's game, the players were readying a number of actions trying to lure out one of the Vecna Acolytes in the Vecnan lair of 3FoE. The player of the half-orc wizard chimes in:
"I ready an action to convert to Vecna if this doesn't work."
Nothing like a little confidence in your fellow party members. ::smirk::
At the Grimlock Archer Section of 3FoE, the dragonwrought kobold had leaped out to fight the archers, everyone used the following lines:
(Barbarian): I walk down the tunnel.
(Fighter): I walk down the tunnel.
(Rogue): I walk down the tunnel.
(Druid): I walk down the tunnel.
(Cleric): I wait for him to lose, and fall, then I'll heal him.
(Kobold): Why is heroism always rewarded by desertion?
Earlier
(Rogue): Our heroism is based solely on lies and murder!
After a female character first saw the vision of Kyuss in Spire of Long Shadows:
"Wow. He's kind of cute. I think I want to worship him."
Followed by repeated attempts to ask Kyuss minions where she could find him.
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Whispering Cairn - During the fight with Filge:
"Are there windows in this room? If so I'm going to bull rush him out the window." - Zuul, the changeling rogue with big ideas.
Filge is currently unconcious after his 70ft fall from the 3rd story window of the observatory yet is stable. We will find out what the PCs will do with him next session.
You know yer in trouble when...You've got a Kobold getting chewed up by one of the dogs in the Feral Dog.
The changeling rouge approaches a grimlock guard in 3FoE. To do this he shapechanged into a grimlock - just to make sure his disguise is perfect.
However... Grimlocks are blind...
--
During the same session, after meeting the mad Grimlock cleric, one of our players notices:
"Why does that Grimlock disguise himself with Beholder eyes and paints his body? Whom does he want to impress, they are all blind?"
In the Champion's Games, my group (after much discussion) finally decided upon the team name of "The Law".
By the second round, which my PC's won yet again with barely a scratch taken, the crowd is going wild, chanting:
"You fought the law,
And the...
Law Won!
You fought the law,
And the...
Law Won!"
*Happens after the party finds out about the Seeker's involvement in the Whispering Cairn*
Kobold Rogue: Hey, didn't that ring we bribed Kullen with have the same symbol?
Kullen: *Busts into Spinning Giant after having gotten the hell beat out of him by Kellek and crew*
YOU!
Kobold Rogue: ....uh-oh.
*Kobold Rogue now has raging Man-imal on him*
*Happens after the party finds out about the Seeker's involvement in the Whispering Cairn*
Kobold Rogue: Hey, didn't that ring we bribed Kullen with have the same symbol?
Kullen: *Busts into Spinning Giant after having gotten the hell beat out of him by Kellek and crew*
YOU!Kobold Rogue: ....uh-oh.
*Kobold Rogue now has raging Man-imal on him*
Kobold Rogue: I refuse to pay for that window on account of: They broke it with my body!
You know your in trouble when...
The GM starts hoarding 'Purple Worm' figures from the 'War of The Dragon Queen' set and paints them all green.
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From Gathering of Winds...
"Well, we DID ask for the quickest way down..."
(Cleric to the paladin after they agreed to get the True Ghoul's head for Flycatcher the spider and subsequently set off the water trap when following Flycatcher's directions to get to the ghoul. Resulted in the paladin taking a 100+ foot plummet down the waterfall chasm that he barely survived.)
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At the wispering Cairn the fighter looks into the Indigo elevator and tells everyone that some body put crushed bones in her to keep us out I'll go first.......I then took that character aside and let him make another character when everyone else is taking a break. I sent him out of the room and the rest of the group pushes it back arround and raises the elevator back up and sees the bloodstained elevator and the cleric rushes up to it and state that he is going next because the Fighter must be hurt realy bad for this amount of blood and they took a break again and I am thinking here comes a TPK by brain fart. The Wizard runs over and wants to go down the elevator thinking that there is a big fight going on and he is missing it. Thats when the other two players lost it and started rolling on the floor. It was a great moment of stupidity by excedingly smart players.
A couple of character deaths required introducing the new dwarven rogue. Seems the dwarf used to hang out with the half-orcs pappy when they were both kids. (Orcs and dwarves = friends? I know I know). The half-orc was in the middle of a week long bender to mourn his lost friends in the Feral Dog. Sadly, he was so drunk that the crowd accidentally pushed him into the dog pit during a fight. The dwarf had just purchased two beers and was coming over to introduce himself. Instead of leaping into the pit to save the poor half orc he decides to size him up and see if the young whelp can handle himself.
So, standing at the ringside, watching the half-orc get torn up, "I use a standard action to chug one of the beers, and I use my move action to drink half of the other."
The half-orc's player just stared...until later the dwarf began throwing empty beer steins at the dogs.
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Last night I introduced a new player/character to the game. After the initial introductory combat vs. a troll, the elven paladin and dwarven cleric started to "chat".
"So....elf."
"Yes...dwarf."
At which point another player quips:
"When did this game start sounding like a D&D movie?!"
I guess when funky names force people to use race, we all sound like a D&D movie...
The paladin trying to move silently, is like a Mr Whippy van...
(party breaks into bad rendition of Greensleeves or whatever evil tune the icecream truck uses to lure little kids onto the street)
Somewhat similar to "flying like bricks don't"
The paladin trying to move silently, is like a Mr Whippy van...
(party breaks into bad rendition of Greensleeves or whatever evil tune the icecream truck uses to lure little kids onto the street)
Somewhat similar to "flying like bricks don't"
No idea what you're trying to say.
Our group plays in a local comic store so we often attract an audience...
Upon activating the undead dinner party and hearing the dialogue about Filge:
Player: "Boy, it sounds like this guy realy has issues."
Spectator: "I'd say more like longboxes!"
No idea what you're trying to say.The paladin trying to move silently, is like a Mr Whippy van...
(party breaks into bad rendition of Greensleeves or whatever evil tune the icecream truck uses to lure little kids onto the street)
Somewhat similar to "flying like bricks don't"
A Mr Whippy Van- is an australian icon. An ice-cream truck that crawls around suburban neighbourhoods in the afternoons- it's orange or yellow or pink, it has a loud repitious jingle, it's slow, it's big and it's so old it looks like it might break down. Courtesy of it's refridgeration system, slow speed, music and loud colours it is never going to sneak up on you.
As the paladin and cleric try to give the other party members the chance to scout they both fail to break zero on their modifed rolls. (heavy armour- no dex or skill)The paladin also has a natural exalted aura and almost always has detect evil going (requiring regular re-casting singing in choir voice "Show me the Evil")
The dwarven cleric in a fit of giggles says "the Mr Whippy Van crashes down the corridor. Hence from then onwards it's "the paladin and cleric sneak after the party like a Mr Whippy Van" which we reckon is pretty funny...
*shrug*
"Your last words are SO going to be 'ooh! What does THIS do!?'"
"No good could ever come from screwing around in an ancient tomb."
After an elevator in the Whispering Cairn closes and lowers on its own, the barbarian quips, "That was cool! Let's do it again!"
While the War Mage is harassing a legal drug dealer in the Emporium and the Paladin is sleeping, the paladin yells out, "It's legal here!" - in his dreams, apparently...
Cleric of Bahamut about an item just found and its potential value - "It's probably nothing, but that's alright. I'm rich enough that that doesn't matter to me!"
NPC to PC about the War Mage (the only acolyte of Bahamut in Oerth aside from the party Cleric), who just mispronounced the NPC's god's name on purpose - "Who is that man?"
- Cleric of Bahamut - *shrug* "I don't know."
8am in the tavern, at breakfast, after having been accosted over drinking beer at breakfast.
Paladin - "Since I've been in this town, I've not had more than 4 drinks per day!"
Cleric of Bahamut - "after two fried eggs, an apple pie and a cheese round (for breakfast), I put on my armor."
Paladin - "You're going to die at 35!"
War Mage - "Nah. Bahamut will protect him."
War Mage - "We need Knowledge: Engineering!"
Cleric - "No! What we need are explosives!"
Paladin - "That's your answer for everything!"
Cleric (excitedly) - "YES!"
DM (after a golem was swiftly obliterated) - "He was a 3.5 Golem. He wasn't upgraded yet."
Bard/Cleric of Elistraee (about Bahamut) - "What a crappy god! He can't even be heard by others when he visits?"
Cleric of Bahamut - "He's a dragon god. Screw all ya'll."
Party to DM - "You said 5d10!! Bahamut does not make mistakes!"
DM (about the aftermath of a battle) - "David (the party rogue whose player was not present that evening) seems to be unconscious."
Party - "Good for David."
Bard/Cleric re: Rogue, who is a Whisper Gnome well on his way to ShadowDancer, meaning he's rarely ever seen. "Who is that?"
DM: "1d6. High or low?"
War Mage: "Hi!"
DM: "Low."
War Mage: "He's going to die."
War Mage (was just resurrected by DM fiat after an unfair death during a battle just ended): "Who here has been True Resurrected and is ready to charge forth? Anybody? Right. That's why we should rest."
Paladin: "ARGH!! Wait! He's actually AGREEING with me!?"
Kostchtchie wrote: A Mr Whippy Van- is an australian icon. An ice-cream truck that crawls around suburban neighbourhoods in the afternoons- it's orange or yellow or pink, it has a loud repitious jingle, it's slow, it's big and it's so old it looks like it might break down. Courtesy of it's refridgeration system, slow speed, music and loud colours it is never going to sneak up on you.
As the paladin and cleric try to give the other party members the chance to scout they both fail to break zero on their modifed rolls. (heavy armour- no dex or skill)The paladin also has a natural exalted aura and almost always has detect evil going (requiring regular re-casting singing in choir voice "Show me the Evil")
The dwarven cleric in a fit of giggles says "the Mr Whippy Van crashes down the corridor. Hence from then onwards it's "the paladin and cleric sneak after the party like a Mr Whippy Van" which we reckon is pretty funny...
*shrug*
Clear as crystal now. Thanks!
ROG/FTR/Thrower (with the throw anything feat)... "I wonder what I should name my +1 Frost Great Axe?"
BRD "Maybe... Freeze Your Axe Off"
In 'The Three Faces of Evil'... After giving the final blow and killing the Ebon Aspect, the player playing the cleric gets up from his chair and points at me (the DM) sreaming:
"YOU SUCK, BIG MAGICAL BEAST!!"
... And we all laughed our heads off!
Just a funny moment.
Ultradan
SPECTRAL BEETLES!
The Beguiler using silent image after fighting the swarms of beetles
"USE FIRE!"
"FIRE IS THE ONLY WAY TO HURT IT!"
"SET IT ON FIRE!"
During the Grick Fight. They encountered it's damage reduction, and, thus far having good success with fire, the Fighter kept insisting that they throw fire down its throat.
He was literally swearing at the Rogue (Who had initiated a grapple against the grick... He likes flashy moves I guess) for him to set it on fire. Until eventually
"I DON'T HAVE ANY FIRE!"
After meeting the Ghost child (which really creeped them out) the party got kind of unfocused as we ate pizza. It was late at night, and so one guy used a puppet to say "buh," as if experiencing some great joy, starting softly like "bu- bu-" and culminating in "BUUUUH!"
For some reason, I thought this was hillarious, and he continued doing it while they where talking to Allusten, Until I turned to him, still in the Allustan voice, saying "If you don't take that puppet off your hand right now, I'll blast you to oblivion!"
To which the rest of the party responded "Set it on fire!"
Don't forget the line of the century:
"You hit me...in the face...with a baseball bat!"
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My players said the same thing over and over again at the "abandoned" observatory...
Tomb Mote -described as a loose collection of matted hair, teeth and bone
Filge's Dinner Party- I actually RP'd the zombie speaches, including his ex-girlfriend talking in a sexy voice
Filge's Laboratory-orange and green coloured zombies
PC's response to all Three: "This guy is just...wrong."
We also have a player with really bad dice luck. When he rolls his natural 1's, which happens often, we all say "Hah! You're bad at this game!" :)
The bard was talking BS as usual, trying to convince some innocnet girl to spill the beans on her father.
The fighter: "Don't mind him, he lives in a fanatasy world."
Our party warmage dropped this little gem after some horrific event or another in The Champion's Belt:
"It's like having to go outside and shoot Old Yeller. It changes you."