Malvel, The Dark Wizard's page

Right, that's the construction now finished, who knew that it'd take so long?

*Marvels at the fully built coliseum, in all its glorious splendor.*

Time to pay those construction fairies, and then I can deal with the advertisement!

I was talking about the monkey getting bored, don't flatter yourself Goldie!

Now that's a first I must say!

What he's basically saying is: "Timemaster7, The When has escaped again!"

*Meanwhile, a large gladiatorial arena is being built, courtesy of Pulg's Fairy Construction Crew.*

Let's see how things are coming along, shall we?

*An evil looking figure inspects the work and is pleased with the progress so far.*

Excellent, once the arena is completed, the fun will truly begin!

*Starts chuckling to himself, only to notice the other posters are looking on in confusion.*

Oh! Please ignore what's going on everyone, nothing to see here for the time being!

*As the crowd starts to dissipate, a construction fairy approaches with some important documents.*

Hmm? Ah yes, the necessary paperwork for the parts and labour, I'll just sign it now.

*Signs the paperwork.*

Carry on, your payment will arrive once the work is done.

Chaos and damage caused by my return and the onslaught of my beasts!:

100d1000 ⇒ (928, 872, 342, 332, 315, 564, 649, 766, 715, 295, 417, 446, 157, 323, 626, 674, 473, 702, 172, 498, 228, 860, 86, 387, 977, 35, 870, 717, 983, 3, 565, 946, 518, 240, 311, 804, 531, 117, 640, 49, 363, 207, 586, 421, 765, 699, 683, 157, 999, 309, 123, 763, 730, 934, 772, 827, 250, 721, 114, 401, 381, 858, 450, 20, 470, 835, 734, 27, 865, 453, 214, 67, 806, 335, 963, 170, 995, 334, 916, 955, 537, 834, 708, 574, 985, 984, 675, 619, 207, 585, 96, 779, 332, 582, 584, 27, 658, 614, 672, 310) = 53167

Yes, he is, just the way I created him.

Who said anything about learning a lesson? I just find it amusing to see things suffer!

I don't know, the thing about the Giant Monkey sounded good.

*Looks at Pulg astonished.*

You are English?

OK, who was the idiot that let the monkey loose?

Dr G House needing to tend to my beasts.

Correction, it was. But I have since trademarked that particular name, so Pulg can no longer use it.

I believe that the saying goes: "What's good for the goose, is good for the gander".

I just find it ironic that vampires enjoy impaling things.

Yes, in fact, you are not allowed to take part in ANY event because of the fact that you ALWAYS put a death trap somewhere around it.

*Shows everyone the court order forbidding Count Reiner Heydrich from taking part in any events under penalty of death, torture or worse.*

67. The Beasts: this collection of over 124 cards has the ability to summon creatures of great power. Each beast has its own card and to summon a beast, simply hold up the card and say the beast's name aloud.

*Scoffs in complete contempt at Belphegor's comment.*

My "master" was that pathetic, old fool Aduro! True, he took me in when I had nowhere else to go, but he always was too cautious and short sighted! Never could teach me what I desired, I had to learn for myself what I sought after and I wasn't going to let ANYTHING stop me! Least of all, some pointless measure of precaution that only the weak and thus, those unworthy of greatness, adhere to!

I'm a villain! I'm supposed to be rude, insulting, tyrannical and everything else that being evil entails!

Plus, I'm feeling exhausted! I was hoping you would actually cast a "more superior" spell. Besides, I'm stuck and can't do anything until either the ritual works or I temporarily lose my magic.

Well, if you know all about that, then why don't you do something to help me!?

*Gets on to his feet rather painfully.*

You mummified nitwit!

*Falls to the knees, still casting the spell.*

Actually, Vampire Schism, I'm trying to free you!

*Grits teeth, as the ritual is also causing Malvel intense pain.*

Consider yourself lucky, I don't normally do "nice" things. And I won't stop until the ritual is a success, so bear with it!

*Despite his weakened state, Malvel pours all of his magical energy into the ritual.

This is going to take more power!

*Focuses on binding Vampire Schism's spirit to his own body until she gets her own body.*

I think that I can help you...

*Quickly casts a spell which allows Vampire Schism to teleport away from the heroes and safely into Malvel's lair. Afterwards, Vampire Schism then fully gains a body of her own (after drinking some of Dedrick the Professor's blood).*

So, do we have a deal?

How about I convince Claw the Giant Monkey and my other beasts not to destroy any more accordions? Does that sound fair to you, for a start at least?

Of course I haven't, you'll have to join my team in order to find out.

Amusingly, Dedrick said something like that as well! But he agreed to my terms in the end.

In regards to what you gain from working with me, that depends on if you join me and how much work you do.

Either way, I happen to be good friends with your creator (though he will always deny it) and I happen to know that if you displease him (such as not joining me) then you will be destroyed.

*Appears before Vampire Schism (who has just killed Nasty Orc for some reason).*

Excellent! That miserable fool, Aduro, had intended to have Schism kill me (because she was the only one who could), hoping that my death would also end my eternal reign over the Tomb of Borrors! How wrong he was! Now, Vampire Schism, you have a choice: join my team and serve me well, or be destroyed, keep in mind that you can no longer hurt or even kill me. What is your decision?

*An image appears in front of everyone.*

Oh please Schism, if that pathetic old man really was me, I'd have killed you all by now.

*The evil Malvel laughs a long, harsh laugh.*

Besides, it's not Aduro who's at fault. In the universe we come from, orcs are NEVER good!

*Malvel laughs again, then the image disappears.*

Now, now, Dr G House, I'm sure that Trillion's breath isn't that bad.

*Looks at all three of the Three-Headed Lion's mouths.*

On second thought, maybe it WASN'T the loud roar which made Vidmaster7 to bald.

Very well, Dr G House, I will take onboard what you have said.

Granted, my beasts are magical creatures so, it will be difficult.

Also, I DID book appointments for my other beasts (I book them all together).

Then might you please attend to my beasts? They're due for an appointment.

*Both Claw the Giant Monkey and Trillion the Three-Headed Lion grumble nervously.*

It's been a while since we last saw you, you can blame GoatToucher for that.

And obviously I mean ALL of my beasts, not just these two.

He has THREE heads. His name is a combination of "Tri" meaning 3 and lion.

MY monkey does! How else is he going to be a killer?!

Touche, The CLAW, however I always pass my saves.

Forget it, Count, no one has heard of the Addams Family.

*Casts a spell.*

Timetus Soberus Upus!

*KahnyaGnorc immediately becomes sober, but still suffers the hangover.*

Next poster, while KahnyaGnorc is incapacitated, marry them off to your pet gerbil.

Pulg's Fairy Monkeyboard Trio is the favourite toy of Claw the giant monkey.

*Looks disapprovingly at Vidmaster7.*

That joke is neither funny nor is it tasteful!

*Magically teleports Vidmaster7 to a special nightmare realm.*

Consider yourself lucky that I'M the one dealing with you!

*Vidmaster7 is then subjected to his worst fears, resulting in a fate worse than death.*

I had his permission to use his head as a scrying orb, I assure you! He quite enjoyed it.

The next poster, however, used something of GoatToucher's WITHOUT permission!

*Turns to Space Tyrant Zordlon, face full of furious anger and abject hatred!*

Insolent cur! You DARE to challenge me?! And what's more, you impose such ridiculous settings AND you have the audacity to accuse me of cowardice?!

*Casts a dark spell on Space Tyrant Zordlon, causing the impudent worm's own shadow to wrap itself around him and then choke out his very life (slowly and painfully).*

For all your bluster, Space Tyrant Zordlon, you can't even handle one of my magic spells!

*In the ballroom, after GoatToucher has finished his demonstration.*

That truly was a thrilling experience (in every way possible)!

*Everyone helps themselves to the various refreshments that have been provided (GoatToucher always makes sure to cater to everyone), while a soft, decorative bit of music is being played by GoatToucher's personal orchestra and adding to the elegance of the ballroom and contrasting dramatically from the workroom.*

Assuming that ALL of his demonstrations will be like that, GoatToucher may have to start teaching classes. Though I must say, he was rather quick to experiment on the clone of Vidmaster7. And who won the wager? I cannot remember, but I think that it was either Dedrick or Comte de Malodor.

*Food is eaten and drink is drunk, with everyone enjoying themselves to the fullest, GoatToucher makes his grand entrance, with Yorg Warp-Heart behind him. Though the music is still being played, everyone is quickly silenced and looks towards GoatToucher, eager to hear what their host wishes to say while the squat helps himself to the refreshments.*

*A sinister voice booms throughout the tunnels.*

You can run away as much as you like, in the end, it won't even matter!

*The voice then laughs manically as the shadows on the walls continue to move unnaturally.*

It's good to see you again, GoatToucher, I wager that you had to help out some important clienteles.

*Sits down beside GoatToucher on a nearby chair (despite being a vision and not actually in the room).*

By the way, have you checked to see if anyone needs your help recently?

*A varkule lunges at James Bard,bowls him over and devours his flesh. Then, an evil voice calls out.*

"So much for agent 001E! Guess you'll have to look elsewhere for haggis, perhaps my minions will turn you into some!"

*The voice then laughs manically as it fades.*

*A voice, full of malice, reverberates around the room.*

"Oh, you'll need to do more than that! Even if you destroy all of my beasts, I'll just restore them! And I have many 'surprises' in store for you all, dare you continue? Oh, I almost forgot, here's a something to 'entertain' you!"

*The voice starts laughing a most vile and cruel laugh. As it fades away, a new sound is heard (angry roars and the pace of fast movement) heading straight for the heroes. Suddenly, the source of the noises comes into view: six large and hungry looking, hyena-like creatures with spotted fur and a pair of overly large tusks in each of their salivating jaws, stand at the hole in the wall. Growling menacingly, ready to to attack.*

KahnyaGnorc assisted me in creating the game.

Since no-one else has had a guess, I'll tell you the answer: Words!

I don't know if The Riddler has been to this universe, but I've just thought of something I think that he would really like/appreciate.

*I can cut, but I'm not a knife. At certain times I have power and even end a life. What am I?*

Fret not, Bloodfang has merely received a minor injury (if you can even call it that, all that happened was the dinosaur got winded) and was sent back to you. And now that I know whom he belongs to, I would like to request that he refrained from attacking MY beasts ever again. If he wants to eat something so badly, then might I suggest Nosferatu Fester Addams, he'll gladly let himself be eaten and you'd have nothing to fear except a nasty case of constipation and diarrhea (pretty much what would happen if Bloodfang ate your husband).