Goblin King Grog's page

49 posts. Alias of Dennis Baker (Contributor, RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16).


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After the dragonboob debacle you would think fantasy artists would pay more attention to the boob count on anthropomorphic creatures. Anyone who has ever owned a cat knows that the correct boob count for felines is *eight* though sometimes they have as many as *ten*. This catfolk is clearly shy a few boobs.


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For the besterment of all man-kind!

You will all thank me later.

Gets out the popcorn for the show.


The ironwood stops at the end of the scenario regardless of duration.

Grog kicks undead thread... this one never die

Munchkin A wrote:
nathan blackmer wrote:
I'm pretty sure doodlebug is not, in any way, comparable to Rosa Parks.
Evil Lincoln wrote:
You're right, though, the rhetoric is shamefully weak on both sides. Probably because it all centers around Anklebiter as somehow relevant.




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There are not rules saying breathing is a free action... now you must use a standard action or hold your breath EVERY ROUND!!!



Cuts a big roast off of dead horse for stewpot


No point in killing if you don't get loot or fud. Pfs should let me loot ded pcs too.

Ravenbow wrote:
This has been an amusing thread, but I have often wondered what people would play if all races were just descriptions. Same stats. Same number of feats etc, but you could choose the race you liked, but there were zero in game benefits or disadvantages of say Elf over Dwarf over Human or whatever

Well considering most of the optimizers play hoomans I would guess hoomans.

Are you trying to mount the whole steed or just the head?

Grog only mounts the heads, except for fire hooves, he killed many goblins so Grog mounted whole horse in throne room.

Futuristic Librarian Paradise!

For crazy futuristic robotic librarians anyhow. Just think of how many human librarians are out of work due to this thing !!

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Lordofkhybr wrote:
I fear I will not be able to find space in my budget for Ultimate Combat because of this announcement. I will not be giving anymore money to Paizo until they realize how absolute b*$*&*#! random miniatures are. Hear that Paizo. That`s a formerly loyal customer talking with his wallet. I had such faith in you and you dashed it upon the rocks.

I said the same thing when McDonalds refused to sell me dark meat chicken McNuggets. I told the manager, "If you won't sell dark McNuggets I'm never coming back. In fact, I had budgeted lunch here today but I'm going to Burger King instead."

I haven't been back since and whenever I go to lunch I buy it at burger king but eat it in the McDonalds parking lot and hold up a sign protesting the lack of dark McNuggets.

If you send a message you have to make it loud and clear.

Evil GM wrote:

This is an easy question. A ranger should never encounter his favored enemies nor should he ever encounter his favored terrain. This is clearly the only choice that maximizes GM pleasure.

The only drawback to this approach is that eventually you're painted into a corner about what kind of monsters/terrains you're dealing with. We all yearn for the player who selects gnomes, halflings, and good outsiders as favored enemies, but this usually isn't the case. If your players are particularly evil, they'll *all* play rangers and pick different favored enemies/terrains until all possibilities are covered. In this case, just create a new creature type. Easy as pie!

The solution is obvious. Send swarms and swarms of halfling and gnome enemies at them. I've also seen a diabolist who used enslaved celestials to fight for him, it was quite effective.

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Carbon D. Metric wrote:
Cynis_Kaden wrote:

I understand what your saying, and all im saying is its a constant effect item and per polymorph no longer needs to be worn to gain the effect. Polymorph in fact removes the requirement of wearing the item within its text.

You have it backwards.

You cannot shapeshift into a horse, put the horseshoes on, and then switch back and still gain benefit from them in any meaningful way. To imply otherwise is asinine.

For it to be asinine he would have to change into a donkey...

Mike Schneider wrote:
Throwing a dagger and getting it to reliably hit point-first is insanely difficult compared to anything a monk does with his junk -- but any simple peon can throw daggers all day long in d20!

ACK!!! I really don't want to read about what a monk does with his junk! It certainly doesn't belong in a rulebook.




PonyLVR, wrote:
0gre wrote:
Generic Villain wrote:

Geez you two, have you no respect for the sanctity of the katana? If this thread has taught us anything, it is that katanas are serious business. They are (for some reason) special compared to every other sword in human history, and must be treated as such (apparently)! Now let us all bow our heads in prayer to this almighty piece of sharp, slightly curved metal.

Okay I'm done...

Katana serious...

People who take game rules too seriously are Pony!!!


Quiet you.


Shadrayl of the Mountain wrote:
Ah katana threads, I know you well. I almost avoided your lure this time...
Mike Schneider wrote:
Katana stuff

I feel compelled to speak up on a specific point, though, since I keep seeing come up in these threads.

There is NO reason for a katana to receive a special bonus to defense. There is nothing especially defensive in their design when compared to other swords.

No no no!

You have it all wrong, Katana has the patented "Slice Other Guy In Haff" defensive ability. When you use it you are so much better you slice him in two. Then you don't haffta hwoorry about him slice you.

Spanky the Leprechaun wrote:
Goblin King Grog wrote:
Spanky the Leprechaun wrote:

Don't think you've fooled anyone.
He fooled me!

Yeah, but you're like that little lizard monkey that laughs when Jabba does mean s*!~ to twi'leks.

C-3PO might sweat you, but not Spanky.

I gets it, I gets it, You Fonny Goi!

Generic Villain wrote:
Goblin King Grog wrote:

Katanarang - A specially built Katana designed to be thrown. Katanarangs used in war or for hunting don't actually return when thrown.

Yeah, but players are going to be upset when they find out their katanarangs don't return. I mean if you can make a recreational katanarang that does come back to you after being thrown, you should definitely be able to make a bladed one that does the same. Realism is super important.

Remember, katanas are special! They don't follow the rules of lesser blades.

I experimented with returning katanarangs but the players got upset when their characters kept losing fingers. The big thing with introducing any sort of katana to your game is realism is of utmost importance and katanarang throwing often results in lost fingers if you miss your catch (Acrobatics check equal to your attack roll).

Dude you are so wrong! They really are 3 miles long, I read it on the Internet somewhere. You should probably have to take Exotic Weapon Proficiency to wield it one-handed though - I mean it'd be unrealistic otherwise.

I don't know, every samari on three mile island has a three mile katana. That's not very exotic if you ask me, it's downright commonplace.

Spanky the Leprechaun wrote:

Don't think you've fooled anyone.

He fooled me!

Some lesser known Katanas

Katanarang - A specially built Katana designed to be thrown. Katanarangs used in war or for hunting don't actually return when thrown.

Katana Vanillie - A popular sword in 16th century theater. These swords were hugely popular until it was revealed that the swords used were actually fake and people realized the blood and severed limbs were not from actual bodies.

Katanarama - These popular ladies (or Samarinas) katanas were commonly used for the "Stab like an Egyptian" and "Venus" styles of combat.

Three Mile Katana - Named not for the length but for the island where the katana was first used to split the atom.

Katana Split - This cleverly made katana is actually two blades in one, by pushing a hidden button on the hilt the master swordsman can actually decapitate two adjacent enemies in one swing. (and is also the name of a tasty desert!)

Dude you got it all wrong. Having a balanced game is meaningless next to teh awesome that is the katana. If everyone in the game uses one then the game is better for it. In fact, not only should it be the most awesome weapon in the game, everyone should be given one at first level that even people too stupid to realize how awesome it is will have to use one also.

You could also save a lot of space on the weapon proficiency page.

Weapon damage Crit
KATANA 2d10 17-20/x4 trip/ sunder/ split the atom

Messing around with other weapons is dumb because the katana is so much better it's pointless. Recognizing this FACT in the rules is super important.

Katana factoids!:
Explosive Runes

Mike Schneider wrote:

Tanto - under 1 shaku

...your basic dagger. (Tanto were not designed to be thrown.)

Everyone knows Tanto was an the Lone Ranger's American Indian sidekick and not Asian at all.

Or was Tanto the short guy on Fantasy Island?

. . . . Birds

. . . . With

. . . . Arms

. . . . . . . . . . . . WANT!!

Bastard swords don't have bottle openers, clearly an idiot can see that the katana is superior for this reason alone. It's so frustrating after a battle having to chase down a bottle opener... If you have a katana they are right there on the handle, awesome.

I'm not sure if the stat blocks above reflect this properly, there should be a +1 morale bonus on attacks and damage when using a katana because you know that when the battle is over you'll be able to pop open a nice cold beer to celebrate. If it's a hot day it should be a +2 morale bonus because that beer is extra refreshing.

Fishes a hand out of the stewpot and munches on it

It smells in here...



... what's in this pot?

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Rathendar is wrong (as usual). Look at that cocky sneer on his face? Can someone so self assured actually be right? I think not.

Goblin King Grog is dancing across the top of your page!!

Nekid Goblin Shakin!


I just want to say the the post immediately after mine is flat out wrong... complete and utter gibberish and everyone should skip it.

cappadocius wrote:
Goblin King Grog wrote:

If they could figure out how to scribe formula without writing them down.

I have in my possession, a scan of a page from a Goblin Alchemist's formula book with the recipe for gunpowder.

Pyromania will find a way.

This is a crude form of writing!

Burn him BURN HIM!!!!

cappadocius wrote:
I'm looking forward to making a Goblin Alchemist for this adventure, and wailing at the end of every encounter, "Why didn't Chief just ask ME to make fireworks!?"

Goblin alchemists would be awesome...

If they could figure out how to scribe formula without writing them down.

*Grabs popcorn*

Fishy is right, "Get a stick"... then get more sticks, then get a torch.

Throws a stick at Mr. Fishy

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Handy for a Tenner?

Oh boy another Wiz vs sorcerer thread, it's been at least 2 weeks since the last one. Hopefully there will be blood this time.

*munches popcorn*

Chosen of Iomedae wrote:

tsk tsk

the cavalier still screams mounted combat, and I disdain mounted combat.

I do my mounted warfare by flying carpet.

I would of been happier if the cavalier and the anti paladin were cut

You can get all of those mounted combat bonuses on your carpet, just have your horse stand on the carpet and ride the horse.

Weylin wrote:

That brings up the regular sticking point about elven development. Is 110 physical or mental maturity (according to elven standards)? If it is physical and what takes a human 14 years takes an elf 110....how is the race not extinct given their enemies?;)

My group usually goes with the statement from Races of the Wild....elves are phsyically developed at 25, the 110 is mental developed(comparable to human in real life considred physically maturity at 18 usually, but mental development is at about 25).

Elves is Stooopid is why. Consider goblin's are fully mature at 5 years old. Goblins is smartest and learn fastests. Hoomans is dumb but elvis are much dumber than even hoomins.

We like n00b questions. It means n00bs are playing the game :) n00bs are easy pickings and quite tastey with the proper seasonings.

Thurgon wrote:
Frogboy your right. The old cleric is dead. A new combat focused one can be built with multiclassing to pick up some fighter levels to a degree that covers it but still does not sit well with me. 9/11 fighter/cleric levels...9/11....interesting date I recall it well. I saw the smoke from the towers for months afterward as I went to work . My daughter's birthday is also 9/11. Very interesting date. Better get to some shopping, need to get her something nice. I guess I am more or less done. This pathfinder cleric will never do for me, it simply needs too many changes. If I have to play RAW I will ignore the power and let the other players deal with not getting farted on while I build toward the 9/11 fighter/cleric.

Holy Cow... this makes it all clear. You are a Fuggin' djinius!!

Goblins gets +4 Hide... Bye bye!

(GKG climbs into an oven and closes door behind himself)

Gah... Answer is obvious.

I swear Hoomans all gets -2 INT.

Matthew Morris wrote:

Am I the only one who had the sick thought of "Ah hah! they reduced their mammoth! One dispel magic coming up... mwahahahaahaha."


Bwahahahaha... You are an evil person, I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter.

The image of a T-Rex completely filling a 10'wide hallway makes me all happy. Feed the clan for a year.

Goblinz is now bestest race!

Plenty of other races for goblin menu.

Frostflame wrote:
Yes but the human does not receive a penalty. The other races do. I agree the favor class advantage shoul have remained strictly human

All hoomans should take the flavored class bonus. Sum of Hoomans is bland and we need to add halfling to our hooman stew.

seekerofshadowlight wrote:
Tis is what still confuses me. The feat is good as always, the skill point is far more useful now it now means a fully maxed out extra skill if you wish and they now get a +2 which is often blown off as "everyone got a +2" but it's still a large bump in power over the 3.5 one all told

Hoomans is always confoosed. Makes them eesier to catch and eats.

Sneaksy Dragon wrote:
question: do all small sized creatures (and dwarves ) get -4 to jump due to their 20ft moves? and if so why isnt it in the merits and drawbacks for being small sized?

Goblinz jump good! Paizo likes goblins so they make halflings slow and pokey so halflings fit into game in best possible way, in goblin'z larder.

Haw haw haw