Heathy's Saltmarsh Campaign, II

Game Master Heathansson

Small weapon....

the magic missile blasts a hole in it's head; it's still up...

huh....and here I thought preparing magic missile was some kind of "epic fail...." I gotta get over those guys.

Stig lets go of the axe and pulls out his shiv. Putting his feet against something solid, ribs maybe, he grips it tightly and puts his left hand under his right on the hilt...

Pushes off with his stout little legs... Sort of like superman flying through a T Rex's innards.

2H Power Attack using his shiv: 1d20+3=20, 1d4+23=26 (Moved 9 points to damage, x2 for 2H PA)

That'll teach him to swallow a dwarf.

Small weapon....

the magic missile blasts a hole in it's head; it's still up...

huh....and here I thought preparing magic missile was some kind of "epic fail...." I gotta get over those guys.

Bah. Have you been hanging out with Frank Trollman and the Gaming Den crew again? Magic misille is awesome. It never misses - and it's level 1! Had it been level 3, sure... But level 1? A no-brainer.

dungeonmaster heathy wrote:

Small weapon....

the magic missile blasts a hole in it's head; it's still up...

huh....and here I thought preparing magic missile was some kind of "epic fail...." I gotta get over those guys.

Bah. Have you been hanging out with Frank Trollman and the Gaming Den crew again? Magic misille is awesome. It never misses - and it's level 1! Had it been level 3, sure... But level 1? A no-brainer.

I know, right? Why do all the combats I run, like, totally disprove most of their ingenious statements? Am I doing it subconsciously?

Stiggy guts the thing from the inside; it wavers, and collapses dead. The ghoul and the Tenser rush forth to obtain their pound of flesh, as Stiggy emerges, caked in acid and gore, seemingly birthed from a Caesarian section of his own devising...

This battle comes to an end, and the small fairy princess heals Stig to max, chiding him for his brazen disregard for personal safety...

900 exp each...

The ghoul climbs back in the hole Stig just exited.

Huzzah! BTW, you can't put more points into Power Attack than your BAB - thus, stig could only have used 6 points for PA. Might not make any difference now, but good to know for later.

I thought it was split between the two attacks...
The fogger had about 11 h.p. left after your magic missile, so I wasn't that concerned with it...;)

The damage applies to all iterations - thus, Stig's attacks w/6 points of PA are made at +0/-5, and both receive +12 damage (if he uses the axe two-handed). Good stuff for that one big hit, but less so if you subscribe to the 'death by a thousand cuts' school of thought.

"Let's move onward. The guys in the chapel must have heard all the roaringg and screaming."

Right on, I get you. You couldn't do 5, then 4 on the same round.
I'm learning!!!

Right - same penalty on everything. As a house rule, I also make you take the penalty on any AoO's you make after you make a PA (of course, that means big hits there, too).

The trail leads to and girdles a large fountain, many tens of feet across. There's a statue of a king-looking guy, in full plate, with ermine-trimmed robe and crown, mitre in one hand, and drawn longsword in the other. Water sprays from numerous spiralling snail shell-shaped statuary around his feet. The trail leads north from there.

Huzzah! BTW, you can't put more points into Power Attack than your BAB - thus, stig could only have used 6 points for PA. Might not make any difference now, but good to know for later.

Dang!

Dang!

Level up, you sloppy hobo!

"This would be... the original Amber, I presume?" Altai looks for any plaques or nameplates or such things on the statue.

Says "King Oberon" down at his regal feet.

that's his name in the Zelazny books...not Oberoni fallacy....aaaargh!!!

Level up, you sloppy hobo!

I'm gathering up my indifference and some slack-assed foot-draggery so that I actually have the gumption to do it on company time.

you have to gather that up? What kind of failure as a slacker burnout are you anyway's? Pauggh...I have it oozing out of my ears. Or is that cerebrospinal fluid?

I did it.

You just needed the proper (de)motivation.

“Whoa…” Beldan stares in gape-mouthed horror, then shock, then awe as Stiggy is first swallowed by, then cuts his way out of the great dumb draconic creature.

“Whoa.”

That all happened so fast I didn’t even have time to call out “They killed Stiggy! You bastards!”

Right - same penalty on everything. As a house rule, I also make you take the penalty on any AoO's you make after you make a PA (of course, that means big hits there, too).

I actually thought that was the rule, regarding AoOs.

Altai Iscarni wrote:

dungeonmaster heathy wrote:

Small weapon....

the magic missile blasts a hole in it's head; it's still up...

huh....and here I thought preparing magic missile was some kind of "epic fail...." I gotta get over those guys.

Bah. Have you been hanging out with Frank Trollman and the Gaming Den crew again? Magic misille is awesome. It never misses - and it's level 1! Had it been level 3, sure... But level 1? A no-brainer.

I know, right? Why do all the combats I run, like, totally disprove most of their ingenious statements? Am I doing it subconsciously?

Funnily enough, much as they might claim that the numbers can't lie, crunching the numbers often doesn't correlate to the actual experience in play.

Magic Missile is awesome.

It's a free hit (sans shield), it's a sure hit if your target has a hostage, and it's a first level spell that still does something at higher levels.
Why that's a waste, I don't know. Color Spray isn't going to get Stiggy out of the T-rex's belly any faster, for instance. It's the swiss army knife of 1st level spells.

“Stiggy,” Beldan walks over hesitantly to the gore-covered dwarf. “That must have been … whoa. I have to ask you something … when you were in there, did you … did you see … did you notice any treasure the thing might have swallowed?”

“Stiggy,” Beldan walks over hesitantly to the gore-covered dwarf. “That must have been … whoa. I have to ask you something … when you were in there, did you … did you see … did you notice any treasure the thing might have swallowed?”

<Stig vomits.>

"Cough, cough."

"Nae. But aiblins we ooghta tak' a wee pik intae his intestinal tracts. Aftah yoo Beldan..."

<Stig waves his hand at the creatures rectal opening.>

Altai Iscarni wrote:

Right - same penalty on everything. As a house rule, I also make you take the penalty on any AoO's you make after you make a PA (of course, that means big hits there, too).

I actually thought that was the rule, regarding AoOs.

It might be. I just can't remember seeing it written down anywhere. It definitely should be the rule.

Altai looks into the gaping hole in the t-rex's chest as Beldan asks about treasure. "Hey", he calls out to the ghoul, "see anything interesting in there? Anything inedible?"

<Stig vomits.>

"Cough, cough."

"Nae. But aiblins we ooghta tak' a wee pik intae his intestinal tracts. Aftah yoo Beldan..."

<Stig waves his hand at the creatures rectal opening.>

Beldan steps back and tries to wipe the vomit off his boots onto the grass.

"Ah ... nevermind."

"There's (schlurpschlurpschlurp) a couple'a (nurf...schlorpschlorp) some rocks in the gizzard here....(schlurpschlurpschlurp)"
he throws out 5 fist-sized, unworked diamonds; worth about 500 gold each (off the top of my head). "I can't eat them; I'm not a xorn."

I know, right? Why do all the combats I run, like, totally disprove most of their ingenious statements? Am I doing it subconsciously?

And fighters are soooooo boring.

<Tenser notices Stig's involuntary ejection and runs over. With intense focus he proceeds to lap up the pool of Cognac, dried fish, and diced carrots pooled between Beldan and Stig.>

Yawwwwwnnnnn! Yah, this game is so trifling.

"Ah ... nevermind."

<Looks at Beldan expectantly. Wags his tail.>

"Rore?"

<Bounds back over to the T-Rex and digs in for more.>

Elgan lands, shifting back into an elf as he touches the ground. With an impatient wave, he dissipates the remainder of the small thundercloud. He walks up to Stiggy just in time to watch him lose his lunch all over Beldan's boots. He raises an eyebrow.

"Mastuh Stiggeh. Ah dun seen a lot o' t'ings in mah tahm. But ah'll be gol-danged if'n dat wadn't wun of deh mostest en-cred-EE-ble stunts dat ah ain't nevah seen!" He says with a grin.

"An if'n yeh evah do anyt'ing lahk dat agin, Ah will personally heal yeh up, jes' so's ah kin slap yeh silly fer doin' such a dang-fool t'ing!"

He points a thumb at the large lizard, from which gobbling and slurping sounds can be heard emanating. "Yeh DO real-ahz dat whut goes in don' NORMALLY come back out a'gin? Lest-wize not recognizable-lahk?!?"

HE shakes his head and pats the dwarf on an armored shoulder.

"'Bout deh most braves' STOOPides' t'ing ah never seen,..." He can be heard muttering as he walks away.

Anybody else git hurt? That the fairie healer didn't/couldn't heal?

"'Bout deh most braves' STOOPides' t'ing ah never seen,..." He can be heard muttering as he walks away.

"Och aye, 'at was raither weel planned. If Ah dare say sae myself."

<Stig clears his nose out by plugging one nostril at a time and snorting out through the opposite.>

*Snoof! Snoof!*

*WRETCH*

*Cough. Cough*

“Well, it was a pretty impressive exit. We’ll maybe leave out the bit where you vomit when we’re recounting it to the bards… Hey, do you think Tenser would like to lick the gunk off these diamonds?”

"Better be careful about where we land our blows, in case we hit the little guy."

"No, me OK."

huh....and here I thought preparing magic missile was some kind of "epic fail...." I gotta get over those guys.

What is unspoken is that they assume a combat should be over in six seconds. See, combat in D&D is like sex. Those of us older and wiser take our time, we like to romance it little bit, get to know it, then seduce it with sweet words and tender caresses. For the youngsters, it is straight in and straight out. And I speak with the voice of authority (though not the voice of The Authority).

...heh heh...
old bull....young bull.....
"Hey! Let's run down there and f#~* us a cow."

"No, son....let's walk down there and f@&&em all."

wrt Elgan's question; Stiggy was the only one who took any damage; reckon that web spell forestalled some swallowings.

...heh heh...

old bull....young bull.....
"Hey! Let's run down there and f~~@ us a cow."

"No, son....let's walk down there and f~~@em all."

ROFL! OUCHIE! MY SPLEEN!

wrt Elgan's question; Stiggy was the only one who took any damage; reckon that web spell forestalled some swallowings.

LOL! 'Web' spell is like Chewing gum for T-Rex!

+900XP. Where does that put us with XP guys? Also you can't 2-hand a weapon the size of a dagger. It has to be a one-handed weapon. From SRD-Using two hands to wield a light weapon gives no advantage on damage; the Strength bonus applies as though the weapon were held in the wielder’s primary hand only. Just posting it so we don't get confused.

Damn!

F!$% me; I'm gonna start reading stuff.

Those of us older and wiser take our time, we like to romance it little bit, get to know it, then seduce it with sweet words and tender caresses. For the youngsters, it is straight in and straight out.

What about those who like to 'shake it all about'?

...heh heh...

old bull....young bull.....
"Hey! Let's run down there and f#&~ us a cow."

"No, son....let's walk down there and f#&~em all."

I can get behind that

Anyway. I shoulda had two attacks but only took one cuz Stig's sheet wasn't updated.

Aubrey the Demented/Malformed wrote:

Those of us older and wiser take our time, we like to romance it little bit, get to know it, then seduce it with sweet words and tender caresses. For the youngsters, it is straight in and straight out.

What about those who like to 'shake it all about'?

I hope you're not going to start talking about 'putting you left hand in' ...

Anyway. I shoulda had two attacks but only took one cuz Stig's sheet wasn't updated.

It's all good; with about 5 pts of pow attack, over and over, and a +1 dagger, the mofo had a grand total of 11 h.p. so that's parta the reason I didn't do my homework anyhoo.....

dungeonmaster heathy wrote:

...heh heh...

old bull....young bull.....
"Hey! Let's run down there and f#&~ us a cow."

"No, son....let's walk down there and f#&~em all."

I can get behind that

...and that
...and that...

What's this guy snortin? I want some... ;)

+900XP. Where does that put us with XP guys?

I'm at 15996.

"So ... if Stig's alright shall we get going? Maybe we can ditch that dead guy too?"

"Hey, he's not so bad... If you discount his corpse-eating proclivities... I see what you mean." Altai follows the rest of the group. "I'm sure he'll catch up."

Riese's Altered Form wrote:

+900XP. Where does that put us with XP guys?

I'm at 15996.

Me too. Eerie!

Those of us older and wiser take our time, we like to romance it little bit, get to know it, then seduce it with sweet words and tender caresses. For the youngsters, it is straight in and straight out.

What about those who like to 'shake it all about'?

But you need to have put it in and out several times by then, which proves my point (kind of).

15996 XP cool.