DM Frogfoot's Goblin Mayhem Campaign (Inactive)

Game Master Dalton the Thirsty

WHAT IS THE CONDITION OF THE SIGN POST!? :|

"Wheeeeeee!" Talks-to-Trees screams as she's sent flying. She realizes her mistake a moment later. She totally should have recognized the creature. When she lands, she starts shouting, "Everybody stop, stop, stop!

... and then proceeds to start making clicking noises, like insect legs beating against one another.

If you can think of something that would grant you Leverage, I'll allow you to try a Parley roll with the rampaging beetle.

The signpost is cleaved in two, since you rolled max damage. You Fruit-Ninja'd that sign.

"No! Bad beetle, bad!"
I slide down and jam my short sword into the beetle's back to get something better to cling to!
Defy Danger+Str: 2d6 - 1 ⇒ (4, 5) - 1 = 8
Whooo!

Do I know anything about unusually large beetles from old goblin tales or whatnot?

With a bellowing roar, Groonk takes hold of his ram's horn and leaps at the Incredible beetle's thorax. He figures that being on a creature of this magnitude gives much better options than being beneath it. He hopes there is something to grab hold of from up there, or perhaps a place where he can get between the armored plates.

Leap: 2d6 + 2 ⇒ (6, 5) + 2 = 13

DD: Wis: 2d6 + 2 ⇒ (2, 4) + 2 = 8

Talks wasn't particularly certain that the beetle was calling her the talky thing. But she was pretty sure it was possible, and discretion was the better part of skid-mark. As before, when confronted with danger, she ran for the forest, so she could hide, and turn into a creature!

Blibberblab, since your Lore is a Bestiary of Creatures Unusual, that would definitely cover huge rampaging beetles!! Here is what you know about them:

Their outer carapace is thicker than plate steel, but they are more vulnerable if you can get under the carapace somehow.
They are ambush predators who can lie in wait for long periods of time before prey happens along to disturb its horn. (You figured this part out already).
They're extremely vulnerable to fire, but are too stupid to realize it.

How did you learn these facts about this particular beastie?

Blibberblab, you're able to hang on by jamming your sword in a chink in the creature's armor. You don't think you hurt it much, but you're able to gain purchase. HOWEVER, the beetle is still charging at Tutti! She's escaping, barely, but the rhino beetle's about to sideswipe a tree - on the side you're clinging to! What do you do?

Meanwhile, as the beast is charging, the freakishly large goblin calling himself Groonk flings his body through the air in a screaming streak of green and crystal, landing heavily on the creature's back. Roll your damage, Groonk! It's going to be reduced on his end, he's armored as ****, but he'll still feel it.

Now you're standing on the wobbly back of the charging rhino beetle, Groonk. You see that the two back pieces of the beetle's carapace don't meet exactly together, instead coming together on each side of a ridged "spine" that runs along the back of the creature's carapace. You're able to hold on to it as it's charging! What do you do?

Talks: I'd probably rule that, although running IS the wise thing to do, you'd probably still roll Dex for running out of something's way. Still, it's only a +1 instead of a +2, so it doesn't change the result.

Tutti, you're able to elude the beetle's charge, putting a small tree on the side of the path between it and you. It's seconds from bursting through the tree, but for the moment you're obscured from view. What do you do?

Retzack gazes fondly on the giant beetle, now that he can see the whole thing. He once kept one as a pet for a few months, feeding it a steady diet of folowers that were either too old or feeble to be useful...or simply raised his ire.

Even as a pair of goblins launch themselves on its back and chases a third he doesn't recognize, he doesn't feel such a threat is worthy of calling on the Cosmic Powers.

Since the thing seems to be headed straight for a tree, he just sets the tree on fire and calls it a day.

Fire!: 2d6 + 1 ⇒ (5, 2) + 1 = 8

Damage from leaping assault: 1d8 ⇒ 7

Groonk grasps firmly onto the creature's spine with one hand, while holding tight to his curved horn with the other. He rattles and shakes atop the charging creature, hanging on for dear life.

Even with shaking vision and rattling bones, he's frantically looking around for anything that might allow him to get beneath the thing's armor or even grab hold of it in a way could influence it.

Discern Realities: 2d6 + 0 ⇒ (4, 4) + 0 = 8
Wondering: What here is useful to me?

Rather than facing the creature, talks continues to run from the beast. it seems prudent to continue making the creature give chase, while the big friendly lug maybe tears a few legs off! That doesn't mean she can't try to defend herself a little, though!

Thing Talker+Shape Shift: 2d6 + 2 ⇒ (3, 2) + 2 = 7 Hold +2!

Talks-to-Trees flees around the tree, putting space between herself and the creature, before shifting her body, becoming a humanoid-shaped tree, with emerald green bark. The idea is to remain gobliny, but to make herself a little more capable of taking hits... while also not making the goblin the predator is chasing simply vanish... it might hurt Retzack!

Remember to always stipulate the drawbacks you choose, or "leave it to fate", i.e. me.

You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? =) I only get a say on 10+.

If dice need to be rolled: 1d8 ⇒ 1

Oops, you're right! One moment while I think of the best way to penalize you for daring to try to use magic for your petty problems...

Suddenly I remember the tale of Squee and the Witch. A nasty witch cursed Squee to become a beetle. Confused and disoriented, Squee returned to his village, only to be attacked by his old friends. The villagers succeeded in stopping the polymorphed Squee by setting the village on fire, burning the unfortunate Squee and half the villagers to death. The remaining villagers ate the now-roasted beetle and had enough food with half of them dead to finally get enough to eat. With their newfound energy, they rampaged through the forest and killed the witch.

"Yes, Retzack, fire!"
Let's see if I can steer this thing now.
Defy Danger+Str: 2d6 - 1 ⇒ (5, 5) - 1 = 9
With great effort, I shift the beetle's charge into the burning tree!

Retzack gazes fondly on the giant beetle, now that he can see the whole thing. He once kept one as a pet for a few months, feeding it a steady diet of folowers that were either too old or feeble to be useful...or simply raised his ire.

Even as a pair of goblins launch themselves on its back and chases a third he doesn't recognize, he doesn't feel such a threat is worthy of calling on the Cosmic Powers.

Since the thing seems to be headed straight for a tree, he just sets the tree on fire and calls it a day.

[dice=Fire!]2d6+1

Your disdain for the threat you face makes manifest in the effort of the spell you put forth. Your spell affects less than you mean it to; the fire burns, it's true, but only for a short flare-up.

This launches the next few seconds in motion. Blibberblab, screaming while clinging to the beetle, yanks as hard as he can to pull the beetle to the side so it slams the tree head-on! Do you want to command your fodder followers to aid you Blibberblab? If they successfully aid you, it boosts you to a 10 and you won't have the penalty of:

You yank the beetle to the side, but the beetle knocks you loose on impact, and your weapon is still embedded in the beetle's hide as you're knocked away!

When the beetle, steered by the crazed bard and chasing down the talky-goblin-tree-thing, impacts the (temporarily) blazing tree, it doesn't notice the fire at first. Then, the flames begin licking at its under-armor, as it tries to knock the tree over and crush Tutti-Frutti. With a scream of pain, the beetle flares its wings!

Atop its back, Groonk is holding on for dear life. When the beetle's carapace opens and its wings flap a little, you see your opportunity!

Groonk's eyes light up as the clear opportunity presents itself. The carapace parts, and wings unfold beneath it. Groonk reaches out with the arm wielding the ram's horn and drives it with all the strength he can muster into the creature's thorax where the shielding has parted.

Defy Danger STR? or Hack and Slash? Same roll I suppose... unless you prefer something else!
Undefined Strength Roll: 2d6 + 2 ⇒ (4, 3) + 2 = 9

Gah! No fodder to assist me. I AM the fodder.

Looking up from where I landed after crashing the beetle, I see Groonk piercing the insect's back.
"Groonk! Remember the ending of Squee and the Witch! After killing the beetle, the goblins had enough food to Waaagh! throughout the forest! Kill this beetle to ensure Meatsnacks' victory over the drow-elves!"
Aid2d6 ⇒ (2, 2) = 4
Guess he can't hear me

aid: 2d6 ⇒ (1, 6) = 7my bad, I forgot to respond. :) +1 to groonk's hack and slash, thanks to a distracted opponent?

The little green tree-goblin called back a series of clicks in the direction of the thing that seemed to have stopped chasing her, hoping to distract it and keep it chasing after her! It just so happened, that the infuriating puny talky thing spoke up while the creature had exposed itself!

Retzack frowns. Well, as his master always said; If at first you don't succeed, set it on fire some more.

2d6 + 1 ⇒ (2, 2) + 1 = 5

Retzack frowns at his hands. Apparently he should've spent less time on throwing souls into dark holes of eternal torment, and spent more time learning how to set things on fire while they are still alive.

Ah well, live an learn, amirite?

Blibberblab, your shouting distracts you from the vines that you were thrown onto. At first you think it's a comfortable mass of vegetation, but as you shout encouragement at Groonk, the vines wrap around your ankles and wrists and begin pulling you deeper inside. Some of your fodder notice you being consumed first and shout warnings to everyone, "Hey! Loudmouth is bloodvined! Loudmouth is bloodvine!"

Soon all the fodder goblins are gathered around where Blibberblab is being grappled and shout at him. "Bloodvine! Bloodvine! Bloody viney! Vinerino! Blood blood blood blood..." As the goblins chant, the vines from the thorns dig into your flesh, Blibberblab, take 1d6 damage.

While the fodder get completely distracted from the enormous beetle, the beetle takes off into the sky with Groonk on its back! Tutti's taunting in Spirit Tongue appear to have enraged the beast, causing it to open its carapace wide so it can dive-bomb her! Groonk, roll your damage! (That was hack and slash, by the way).

Tutti, the beetle, which is now aerial and on fire with a brutish goblin on its back, rolls its giant horn around in the air and roars as it tilts its body downward toward you! Before you can even gasp, the horn drives itself into the earth near your tree-form - get knocked flying, roll DD, or spend 1 Hold to Grasp Tightly with your Root-Toes.

Retzack, your spell backfires! Your spell creates a fireball that attains consciousness!

The fireball sprouts little arms and legs, until it looks like a tiny, fiery facsimile of a goblin. It looks up at you and points and laughs with a voice like crackling flame, and runs off! Before it goes, though, it blows you a kiss; the kiss ignites your robe's hem. The fire imp runs off into the woods, cackling, leaving miniature fires as its footprints.

"Bloodvine! Bloodline! Tuti shouts as it comes flying at her.

Dd: 2d6 + 1 ⇒ (4, 3) + 1 = 8

Tuti does what any intelligent condominiums do when faced with the inevitability of being killed by something a bajillion times her size. She runs! Talks dives around the tree that happens to be on fire (is it still?), trying to interpose it as a barrier to the deathbeetle.

Groonk's Damage: 1d8 ⇒ 5

"GRRRROOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH---!" The Brute yells as the beetle climbs higher into the air. Taking a deep breath... potentially his last, Groonk releases his ram's horn lodged in the insect's back and jumps free at the apex of the flying arch--lifting him even higher into the thinning air as the gargantuan beetle dive bombs the others.

It seemed like a brilliant decision a minute ago, but now that he looks down on his impossibly tiny brethren he stifles a second thought. No turning back now.

As the beetle descends, so will the Brute. He swallows big, hoping to aim for the gargantuan beetle--dive bombing the dive bomber. He stretches both arms out to his sides like an awkward bird, and his intestines churn within him as he freefalls.

I'm not certain what rolls you want here, but Groonk is committed to it. Maybe it's initially a Leap like he used to get on the beetle's back, or maybe it's some variety of Defy Danger to aim right? Either way, should that stuff succeed the ultimate goal is to trigger Juggernaut. If not on the beetle, then wherever he lands I suppose :/

Juggernaut Roll: 2d6 + 2 ⇒ (3, 3) + 2 = 8
I'll choose one of the options once I have an indication of how on target he is...

Oh my god, that is glorious. I want to aid you again! SO BADLY.

1d6 ⇒ 4

Goblins have nasty little shark jaws, right? I'll chew through the vines!
"Nasty vines! Blibby eats you like guts!"
Gnaw, gnaw, gnaw, gnaw
Defy Danger +Str: 2d6 - 1 ⇒ (3, 1) - 1 = 3
These vines are really tough!

Retzack is staring at the fleeing spark-elemental as he hears a tumult over to the side. It appears that the bard Blip-Boop is trying to feed himself to a fern. Well, there are three options of what to do here.

And all of those option are "make the plant sentient so that it can contemplate the emptiness of being and the temporary ephemeralness of a non-immortal existence."

Then it will have to start brooding so hard that it won't be able to do anything.

Including eating the bard.

In theory.

2d6 + 2 ⇒ (2, 6) + 2 = 10

DM Frogfoot: Pick one option!

Groonk is left floating in midair for a moment when the beetle divebombs Tutti, and decides to turn that to his advantage. With a mighty roar, he aims himself at the softer topside of the beetle, exposed by the flapping of its wings! You're able to land on his back, miraculously, choose an option!

Tutti is barely able to escape in time. The impact of the beetle's attack on her position leaves a crater in the earth and scatters tree shards everywhere. You're able to get your little druid self out of there, but numerous goblins are killed. Everyone loses 1d3 fodder goblins.

None of that matters to Blibberblab. As he struggles, unable to escape the vines, one of your fodder goblins approaches. He's a mean-eyed little stinker of a goblin wearing an eyepatch and clutching a little dagger. "With you out of the way, I'LL be a warleader!" he says, cackling with glee. Raising it over his head he cries, "This is my chance!"

You're stabbed by your traitorous follower, Blibberblab! Take 1d6 damage!

Retzack, inspired by his accidental creation of magical life, decides to immediately go mad with power and create living creatures everywhere. However, in his zeal, the magical energies infuse ALL of the plants in the immediate area, not just the bush. Trees and bushes all around come to life and look around at themselves, confused. The vines slowly slither away from Blibberblab, contemplating the point of it all in an existential fugue.

Fodder: 1d3 ⇒ 3

Talks cries out as three of her imaginary friends are destroyed in the explosion of dirt and stone. She stops in her tracks from running, and cries out in anger: "WAAAAAAAAGHHHHH!" And hurtles herself over the new-found hole towards the beetle, in a furious assault of drow steel!

Defy Danger: Str: 2d6 + 1 ⇒ (2, 4) + 1 = 7 Throwing herself over the hole, towards the beetle, could be dex; same thing.
Hack and Slash: 2d6 + 1 ⇒ (4, 2) + 1 = 7
Damage: 1d6 + 1 ⇒ (6) + 1 = 7

Groonk plummets like a green meteor, crying out the name of his new warchief as he dives--"MEEEAAAAATTTSSSNNAAAAAAC----"

Choose an option?

• You cause catastrophic damage to the obstacle, scattering debris everywhere

It'll hurt immensely, and may even kill him. But the option is too good to play it safe!

Debris flies everywhere. TPK occurs. Please select new goblins.

I assumed that was the inevitable conclusion to this whole venture regardless :)

Ouch! Traitorous gobbo!
1d6 ⇒ 2
"You dare try to kill Blibberblab? Treacherous fool! Take this!"
Unfortunately, my sword is stuck in a beetle. Out comes the bow! I try to roll back out of reach of the traitor and loose some arrows!

Defy Danger +Dex: 2d6 + 1 ⇒ (1, 6) + 1 = 8

Volley +Dex: 2d6 + 1 ⇒ (1, 5) + 1 = 7
Damage 1d6 ⇒ 4

Filling him with a few arrows, I repay Zook, I think his name was, can't remember or care now.

Groonk crushes : 1d3 ⇒ 3 of my less traitorous minions.

Groonk's cry of MEAATSNAAACKS comes to an abrupt end as he smashes into the beetle from above. He would have nearly missed, had Tutti not bravely leaped over the bodies of fallen fodder goblins and attacked the slightly-stunned beetle with untamed ferocity.

The beetle is destroyed utterly by the impact. Blibberblab, you similarly are able to cut down your insolent follower as soon as the vines holding you retreat. He manages to get in a cut on your leg as you roll away, slashing viciously with his dagger and spitting at you in rage, but your arrow goes directly through his eye and plugs him down. Take another 1d4 damage.

I guess the bad things that are gonna happen aren't readily apparent, eh? :p

Talks begins to dig through the beetle, looking for the goblin skydiver, unceremoniously wading in bug goop.

"Hellooooo!" Misty calls as she digs downdowndown.

So this is the goblin afterlife. Groonk thinks to himself. It's warm, and smells horrible, which makes sense. But where are the beautiful females? Where is the shroom-beer? Where are my wings?

Suddenly there's a small light up ahead. He must not be to the goblin afterlife but in transition. And there's a delicious lizard waiting there to meet him... he begins to salivate already.

Wait, is that Talks? "Oh no!" the mutated goblin bellows. "You dead too!?"

"Ummm... Maybe. Let me check!"

She lifts a bit of bug Gore out of the way and looks over her shoulder to yell at the now sentient forest in spirit tongue. "Hey! Am I alive?"

"...Not like it matters... what's the point? Why do I even exist... Responded the tree in question.

"The tree says it doesn't matter. That was super cool! You were all shwoooooo! And the beetle was all 'I'm dedd.' Here. You can have this. Cause like... you totally saved me and stuff. We should be friends now! You know. Since all my other friends are dead now." What was -wrong- with this goblin? She -was- holding out the drow sword to Groonk, though.

1d4 ⇒ 2
"Gak!"
I stumble back, loosing a few arrows into the goblin, then collapse from numerous wounds.
Heh, Blibby's taken quite a bit of damage so far.

Groonk is about to bite down on the lizard's arm when he realizes she's offering the blade that it's holding, rather than the delectable arm itself. "Hmmmmmm..." he grumbles for a moment. "It's harder to eat something I'm friends with. That's why when I was a snotling my parents wouldn't let me name our spiders. Ok delicious one, we friends now."

To satisfy his rather disappointed stomach, the bulbous goblin licks much of the beetle ichor from his own arms and legs... wherever his mouth can reach without pulling a muscle or popping a joint.

Where did blibberblab fall? Groonk likes his stories and would likely want to help if he knew what was going on.

I guess the bad things that are gonna happen aren't readily apparent, eh? :p

No, in this case you had defeated the beetle and I didn't think making a soft move was significant there. Kind of like stubbing your toe on the way to an awards ceremony, it'd be annoying but pointless, so I just pretended they were whole successes :)

Talks also wouldn't mind helping in a 'the bard is dying again' roll. If we keep aiding,do we get frequent emt bonuses?

Groonk rushes with thundering footsteps to where the teller of great stories has fallen. The giant stands atop the limp body of the follower that tried to kill him and lifts up the bard to shake him furiously. "Don't go storyteller!" He yells in the goblin's face. "The she-goblins and shroom-beer are lies... it just smells like bug juice!"

Aid Roll if possible?: 2d6 + 1 ⇒ (2, 3) + 1 = 6

Oh dear...

Is Aiding on a Last Breath possible? The description makes it seem like bonuses don't work at all on Last Breath, barring advanced move shenanigans that explicitly say they benefit Last Breath. Not that I'll refuse help if it is possible.

Heh, afterlife smells like bug juice.

... Not that I'll refuse help if it is possible.

You might want to, actually.

"Fodder for life! Talks yells as she follows Groonk out.

aid groonk: 2d6 ⇒ (3, 5) = 8

"No, no. Don't shake him like that! Shake him like this!" She explains by grabbing another dead goblin and shaking him, forcing the head to nod forward and backward.

It's more epic to aid the aider and make him unfail, imo.

"If butterflies aren't real, how can my blossoms be real?" Continued the weeping willow.

Whoa. Is Blabeeeblib really at zero hp? How many times can we aid him? Can we keep aiding his corpse for XP?

Retzack stands over the fallen bard. "Though I'm not entirely sure who you are, you seem to have a following of some magnitude. Thusly I might bend my sublime powers to your aid, but the Laws of my Order demand a price. For you...I would have 3 followers, but I'll only charge you if it works. What say you?"

Some forlorn shrubery starts moaning, "But if I am aware of my failing, are they truly failings? YES! But then they are also my failings, which makes me a failure....?" but Retzack only hears the 'yes' part, and assumes that his question is answered.

"Very well. I shall now remake your body so it is not only whole, but something more than what you were before...."

Retzacks grabs darkness and molds it until it forms an opaque solidity. He shapes it into the form of a goblin until a foggy shadow seems to hover over the form of Blibberblab.
One of his own followers comes over and wishes him luck. Retzack nods at the follower, then casually reaches over and rips out the acolyte's heart for daring to interrupt him. He places the still-beating organ into the homunculus, where it dissolves into the black form.
At last Retzack breaths Life and Improvement into the shadow and lets it fall onto the still form of the bard.

2d6 + 1 + 1 ⇒ (4, 4) + 1 + 1 = 10

Retzack grins as he feels the structural integrity in his spell. Apparently he can master even this, unfamiliar art.

His life is in DM Frogfoot's hands now as he makes one choice. Poor bastard. Also, I lost folowers: 1d3 ⇒ 2, from before.

Ah, stop! Why are you shaking me?! That is hilarious though. 'Like this, not that way.'

Haluk snaps out of whatever vision held him during the fight with the giant beetle.

"the gods have visited me and demand more sacrifice."

"Is that a giant beetle? And can we eat it?"

I feel like saying goblins should not be trusted with giving emergency medical assistance. Shaken one way, then another, finally made into some unholy homunculus. Hang on, why is the bard getting beat up so much? I even picked a bow over a rapier so I could stay out of melee. :D