Goofus and Gallant


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Goofus emails his fellow players insulting memes and adds their email addresses to the mailing lists of questionable websites.

Gallant decides to not use his hero lab or laptop during game in order set a good example regarding electronic distractions at the table.


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Goofus has his PS4 hooked up and plays Dragon Age in between his turns while blasting rap music from his MP3 player and calling in some strippers on his iphone.

Gallant's turn to host. He makes sure there is plenty of table space, has snacks on hand even though it isn't the host responsibility to provide them for the group and keeps extra pencils and paper handy for his guest.


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Triphoppenskip wrote:

Goofus has his PS4 hooked up and plays Dragon Age in between his turns while blasting rap music from his MP3 player and calling in some strippers on his iphone.

Gallant's turn to host. He makes sure there is plenty of table space, has snacks on hand even though it isn't the host responsibility to provide them for the group and keeps extra pencils and paper handy for his guest.

I don't know about you guys, but goofus' game sounds AWESOME!


Goofus' turn to host. He has no clean dishes, so when somebody asks for a cup, he hands them an empty soda bottle.Toilet paper is pages torn from an eight-year old Cosmopolitan magazine with questionable stains on it. (Not to mention why it's in the bathroom). And when his friends call the game early due to two 'suddenly' remembering an 'important' family event they have to go to at 10:00 at night (And the third needing an ambulance due to a violent reaction to mould, bedbugs, and "that strange, rotten watermelon smell"), Goofus sees that somebody lost a shoe when it got stuck to the floor. Nobody claims it.

When dealing with a problem player, Gallant talks to him like an adult first, making it clear that the player's actions are hampering his, and the rest of the table's, fun.


When dealing with a problem player, Goofus relishes the discord, telling the group to "handle it in-game."

Gallant gives his player a primer for his campaign/adventure path, and encourages his players to coordinate party roles while still emphasizing the importance of their individual preferences.


Goofus hands out player material that consists of scribbled notes to each player that detail how he believes they should play and build their characters, if they do not follow his advice, he attempts to PvP them into submission.

Gallant is happy to loan out any and all resources he has to help his fellow players create great characters, continue to master the game, and enhance the overall experience.


Goofus only gives up his duct-taped, five-year-old Core Rulebook after an hour of intense arguments

When adjudicating a situation that isn't covered by the rules, Gallant uses logic to find an equitable solution.


Goofus has utilized a variety of criteria to adjudicate rule disagreements in the past, including:
- Ruling in favour of who brought the tastiest snacks.
- Ruling against the person who owes him the most money.
- Ruling for his best friend since high school (Because what are friends for, right?)
- Ruling against the person who mocked his self-insert DMPC the most.

Even when it's not his turn, Gallant pays attention during combat, plotting out possible moves and reviewing his gear and availabe resources so he can make a quick decision when his turn comes up.

Scarab Sages

Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber; Pathfinder Maps, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

Goofus waits until it is turn to start going through his spell list, then asks other players which one he should use.

When GMing a game, Gallant adapts when his players go someplace he wasn't expecting.


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Goofus wears an engineer's hat, and whenever a player asks about something outside the Goofus' scope, he looks them dead in the eye and says "CHOO-CHOOOO!" until the player relents.

If a player discovers that a recently chosen feat does not work the way they anticipated, Gallant will allow them to make an adjustment.


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Goofus turned his rambling diatribe on the evils of retraining your character into a manifesto entitled You Make Your Bed, You Sleep In It, where he denounces retraining as a cheating tactic only utilized by roll-playing min-maxers who care nothing for setting verismillitude, and allowing it will utterly ruin your campaign setting. He's been banned from every game store in the city for constantly trying to hold lectures in front of the store and passing out pamphlets on his no-retraining philosophy.

Gallant decides to try playing an evil character as a roleplaying challenge. He clears it with his GM first, and assures the group that though his character is self-serving, he will still employ teamwork, as even his evil character recognizes the benefit of working together to accomplish greater goals.

Scarab Sages

When Goofus is playing it, even a Neutral Good Cavalier of the Dragon with the 3.5 Vow of Poverty Exalted feat can find a way to pointlessly ruin the game.

Gallant recognizes and rewards his players' commitment to the many elements of the game that have no obvious mechanical benefit (like taking weird Craft/Profession skills, buying fancy food and interesting clothing, attending the circus, and even good ol' ale and whores), and devises appropriate subtle benefits and rewards for such things.


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Goofus proudly unveils his latest time-saving device, a formula to calculate the daily cost of living both in town and on the road. He eagerly tells his players how this will let them skip all that boring town and overland travel stuff, they just deduct some silver pieces and can begin right at the dungeon. He is confused at the rather lukewarm response of his players.

If a player can't make it to game night, Gallant suggests the group switches gears, perhaps letting someone else GM, or perhaps playing board or card games that night instead.


Gallant Insists that the party, now down 2/5 of the usual total, should press on through the Caverns of Madness, because there will me more XP and treasure for him.

Gallant is wiling to try new games that his friends are interested in.


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Goofus farts loudly and stinks up the room, laughing rudely.

Gallant farts daintily, letting out delicate, musical poots, and apologizes for making a stinky.


GoatToucher wrote:

Gallant Insists that the party, now down 2/5 of the usual total, should press on through the Caverns of Madness, because there will me more XP and treasure for him.

Gallant is wiling to try new games that his friends are interested in.

Goofus screams that the others are storygaming swine if they try out a slightly different game.

When Gallant is preparing a campaign for his group, he asks each of the players what themes they'd like the be incorporated into it.

Lantern Lodge

Pathfinder Adventure, Rulebook Subscriber

When Goofus is preparing a campaign for his group, he insists on recycling that old story arc from a few campaigns back that nobody liked because YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND THE DEEP, MEANINGFUL IMAGERY GUYS!

Gallant takes the time to craft terrain & backdrops for his games with an eye towards playability balanced with immersion.


Stockvillain wrote:

When Goofus is preparing a campaign for his group, he insists on recycling that old story arc from a few campaigns back that nobody liked because YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND THE DEEP, MEANINGFUL IMAGERY GUYS!

Gallant takes the time to craft terrain & backdrops for his games with an eye towards playability balanced with immersion.

Goofus thinks that lava is cool and should be a terrain feature in every battle he runs.

If one of Gallant's players mention that they want to have their PC buy a tavern, he allows it to happen and makes said Tavern an important part of the campaign.


Goofus allows it, then has it burnt down while the party goes on their next adventure.

Gallant, has polite, private discussions with his players about their alignment.


Goofus calls his players out loudly for even the slightest infraction.

Gallant, shows up early to help the DM set up and stays late putting everything away.


Goofus arrives late and leaves even later because he fell asleep halfway through the session.

After noticing that his players have become interested in an NPC that he intended to be a minor throw-away character, Gallant makes said NPC a more important part of the campaign.

Sovereign Court

Goofus literally throws away said character's token to stop diverting attention from his totally awesome original character, Lord Goffus the Best Ever.

Gallant makes sure to establish players' comfort levels when dealing with dark or disturbing subject matter and adjusts his story plans accordingly.


Goofus insists that the GM roleplay the very graphic sex his character has with prostitutes that his character hires. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

When one of Gallant's players finds a way to solve a problem that he didn't anticipate, he lets it work (occasionally asking for a 5-10 minute break if the solution is so off-the-wall that he needs some time to figure out how to continue the game).

Liberty's Edge

Goofus has the PC in question chastised by the Hand of Lineah, which results in massive level/ability drain.

Gallant managed to create a compelling campaign setting by blending together two genres in an unexpected way.

Lantern Lodge

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Pathfinder Adventure, Rulebook Subscriber

Goofus managed to cobble together a shambling abomination of a campaign from all the classic tropes, stitching them together with all the finesse of duct tape and bungie cords.

When playing a spellcaster, Gallant keeps an updated portfolio of all his spells, with brief descriptions and easily indexed tabs that help to keep from bogging down combat with complex spell effects.

Liberty's Edge

Goofus' wizard casts spells off every list he can get his grubby paws on, damn the consequences!

Gallant, seeing his players were in need of some assistance with a puzzle he had made, gladly helped them out just enough for them to be able to solve it on their own.


Goofus mocks the intelligence of his players when they cannot solve a puzzle he came up with. Even worse, he forgot to give them the detail they'd need to solve it.

When a new player joins Gallant's campaign, he has them all meet up to introduce the new player and discuss ways that the player's PC can be worked into the game.


Goofus has the new player show up to the next game unannounced, and then has the old PCs find his PC in a closet in the dungeon they are exploring, naked and with no equipment.

When Gallant murders you, he respectfully buries you six feet down in a remote area without violating or desecrating your corpse. He then visits your grave once a year to talk and catch up.


Oh, and he plays your character for several sessions in your absence, ultimately retiring them in a way that suits your PC's long term goals.


When Goofus murders you, he defecates on your corpse, calls back your spirit so that you can witness him torturing your family, and rips up your favorite character sheet. Piece by piece. After having said character do numerous unmentionable things.

Gallant is lax about his player's paladin code, letting him do what feels right over what the law says.


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GoatToucher: Goofus stuffs your bloated, rotting corpse into his bag of holding and pulls it out to teabag it at random intervals.

The Doomkitten: Goofus has his player's paladin fall within the first minute of the game because she stepped on an ant.

At 2nd level, Gallant's fighter chips in a few hundred gold to help the party cleric buy a Wand of Cure Light Wounds, knowing it will help the whole party.


Goofus' rogue robs the party blind, extracts all of their vital organs, takes their clothes, and runs into the night to buy a holy avenger.

Gallant wants to play an evil character in his GM's campaign, so he talks it out with him to help determine his character's motivations for helping the mostly good-aligned party.

Liberty's Edge

Goofus demands that all other PCs (including a few Paladins) bow down to his way of thinking, and whines when they kill him after his blatant attempt to "roleplay his character" (by which I mean "Murder the traitorous scum.")

Gallant is more than willing to have his wizard share his magic knowledge with the other spellcasters, and gives OOC advice to the players as well.


I find it interesting that roleplaying ones character has been brought up in a negative sense so many times in this thread.


lucky7 wrote:
Gallant is more than willing to have his wizard share his magic knowledge with the other spellcasters, and gives OOC advice to the players as well.

Every page of Goofus's spellbook is written with explosive runes, and his idea of advice is to tell his fellow players to "stop sucking so bad!"

When the GM provides a plot hook to the party, Gallant comes up with a reason that his gruff fighter will join the rest of the party.

Freehold DM wrote:
I find it interesting that roleplaying ones character has been brought up in a negative sense so many times in this thread.

It's more like "roleplaying one's character in a way that makes the game unfun for everyone around you" has been brought up in a negative sense so many times in this thread. Because it's a negative thing.


Mm.

Having been on both sides of that fence before, I lean towards roleplaying a problem out, as the metagaming gets a bit heavy for me on the other side.

Still, that's just me.

Liberty's Edge

Goofus holds the game hostage until the other PCs promise to let him roleplay a six-month debauch after the adventure.

Gallant is fond of using unconventional solutions for problems, but is more than willing to not do so if it would completely derail the game.


Goofus's solution to all problems is RAGELANCEPOUNCE. He holds up the game for hours when his character is arrested for murdering the entire royal family that his party had been hired by.

One of Gallant's players asks him if he can use the Ninja class from Ultimate Combat to portray a sneaky elf who uses shadow magic. After talking about the player's vision for the character, Gallant allows it.


Ventnor wrote:
Goofus thinks that lava is cool and should be a terrain feature in every battle he runs.

Hey! If they didn't want to fight all battles in lava, they shouldn't have urinated on the altar of the god of volcanoes!

Ventnor wrote:

Goofus's solution to all problems is RAGELANCEPOUNCE. He holds up the game for hours when his character is arrested for murdering the entire royal family that his party had been hired by.

One of Gallant's players asks him if he can use the Ninja class from Ultimate Combat to portray a sneaky elf who uses shadow magic. After talking about the player's vision for the character, Gallant allows it.

One of Goofus's players asks him if he can use the Ninja class from Ultimate Combat to portray a sneaky elf who uses shadow magic. Goofus denies it, institutes a campaign where the players murder all elves, and then tries to teabag the player while he's still in shock.

When Gallant steals your girlfriend, it's because he didn't know she was dating you.

Scarab Sages

Goofus steals your mom.

When Gallant plays an Occultist, he not only gives their Implements impressive names, physical descriptions, and histories, he even brings cool props to games with him to represent them, wielding them theatrically at story-appropriate moments.

@Freehold DM: If I'd seen that sentiment in this thread, I'd have been bothered too, but I don't really recall that I have. Also, just a reminder to try to keep this all more funny than preachy!


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Goofus names all of his Occultist implements after his junk. It's even more uncomfortable for everyone than that sounds.

Gallant's GM took some time to explain her setting to him and his fellow players. When creating his character, Gallant uses some of the details that the GM gave him to make that character feel at home in the setting.


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Goofus drools on the packet of campaign info about a Greco-Roman setting his GM has cooked up, then wakes up to make a street samurai decker with a Scottish brogue.

Gallant carefully lays out hundreds of pages of campaign notes so that he always has something prepared when the players do something unexpected.


Every time Goofus' players try to do something other than his proscribed options, Goofus simply smiles says "Toot! Toot!" before forcing them back into line.

Gallant gives his players several options of games he'd be interested in running, and gives them the opportunity to ask questions and discuss things before choosing.


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The only game that Goofus will run is combination of Pathfinder, Rolemaster, RIFTS, and FATAL. Attempting to understand how all those different rules interact has driven more than one person completely mad.

While Gallant is a fan of using charm spells to make enemies fight for them, he makes sure that his Sorcerer has a few other spells that he can cast when the party is fighting mindless enemies.


Goofus only uses charm spells, and keeps Unnatural Lust for use on the paladin in case of mindless enemies.

Gallant will kindly hold open doors for others.

Scarab Sages

Goofus will kindly hold open gates for balrogs.

If Gallant is about to join a new game of a genre he's unfamiliar with, he brushes up on a sizable quantity of literature and film of that genre beforehand so he better understands the new world he's about to enter.

Liberty's Edge

I'm Hiding In Your Closet wrote:

Goofus will kindly hold open gates for balrogs.

And what of Gallant?


lucky7 wrote:
I'm Hiding In Your Closet wrote:

Goofus will kindly hold open gates for balrogs.

And what of Gallant?

Maybe Gallant is busy fighting the Balrog that Goofus just unleashed?

Liberty's Edge

Then Goofus is busy having the other party members draw straws to see who goes next.

Gallant's introductory one-shot perfectly introduced several new players (some of whom would become great DMs in turn) to the game.

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