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So a few months ago I met someone at a game store. I invited him to join us. I came out to him last week and he mentioned to me that he's gay. I briefly mentioned him a few posts back. Anyway, today a friend and I went shopping for some clothes and he came along. We didn't find what I was looking for [insert frowny face emoji]. We wanted to get some pictures. In my haste to leave the house I didn't think about weather and clothing so it didn't happen. What did happen was I got dressed up anyway and I had to show off my new dress I got a couple weeks ago. It's amazing. Anyway, to finally get to the point of the story, he had to leave early (we knew that was going to happen because he had to work) and gave me an impromptu hug. It wasn't just a friendly hug either. I had been wondering if I should ask him on a date. I'm thinking that I might just do that. He's really a great guy.
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So a few months ago I met someone at a game store. I invited him to join us. I came out to him last week and he mentioned to me that he's gay. I briefly mentioned him a few posts back. Anyway, today a friend and I went shopping for some clothes and he came along. We didn't find what I was looking for [insert frowny face emoji]. We wanted to get some pictures. In my haste to leave the house I didn't think about weather and clothing so it didn't happen. What did happen was I got dressed up anyway and I had to show off my new dress I got a couple weeks ago. It's amazing. Anyway, to finally get to the point of the story, he had to leave early (we knew that was going to happen because he had to work) and gave me an impromptu hug. It wasn't just a friendly hug either. I had been wondering if I should ask him on a date. I'm thinking that I might just do that. He's really a great guy.
Go for it.
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He just sent me a message that he wants to see more of Cindy. I will be obliging. I will also probably get the courage up to ask him.
| 6 people marked this as a favorite. |
He just sent me a message that he wants to see more of Cindy. I will be obliging. I will also probably get the courage up to ask him.
To Paraphase..
A Brave person gets rejected once...a coward gets rejected a thousand time...
Good luck in asking him out out.
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Be safe and careful, and have a great day.
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* Grabs everyone in a big, soft, fluffy bear jug *
Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Evening, and Good Night (depending upon where you are in the world and when you read this) to all you awesome folks.
* doubles up on Rysky's positive feelings to everyone *
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He just sent me a message that he wants to see more of Cindy. I will be obliging. I will also probably get the courage up to ask him.And if he hurts you, professional game designers will know and respond.
Hell hath no fury like a professional game designer.
Developer
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So...I won't know till I go pretty much. Would mention that it is Pflag mean anything?
I hope there is snacks...
PFLAG stands for Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. They're mostly a support organization for, well... the family and friends of queer folk, for people who want to be accepting, but having a queer kids shakes their entire worldview. They're a pretty good org, they do some advocacy work, and I know they have some support groups for queer folk as well. If nothing else, they'll be welcoming, and if they aren't what you need, they're the kind of organization that can probably point you towards what you DO need.
Our local PFLAG is mostly run by a trans woman and her wife. I'd say go with an open mind; you'll find all kinds of folks there.
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Our local PFS lodge started up a Ladies' Night a while back, and it's been a big hit, with way more interest than we'd initially expected. Inspired by that, I'm taking the lead on an LGBT edition.
I'll be talking to the coordinator for the ladies' night tomorrow about her experience, but I was hoping to get some more perspectives. For people who've done this sort of thing before, are there lessons you've learned about what does and doesn't work? If you haven't, are there things you'd want to see?
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*burning while sleeping, but still bright and cozy for talking, hugs, smiles, keeping company and enjoying the various stages of the day*
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He just sent me a message that he wants to see more of Cindy. I will be obliging. I will also probably get the courage up to ask him.And if he hurts you, professional game designers will know and respond.
And I will make sure to drop any boxes atleast three times that is shipped to him. (Yeah the chances of me actually coming across any packages being sent to him thru my hub is like billions to one...but it is the thought that counts)
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PFLAG stands for Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. They're mostly a support organization for, well... the family and friends of queer folk, for people who want to be accepting, but having a queer kids shakes their entire worldview. They're a pretty good org, they do some advocacy work, and I know they have some support groups for queer folk as well. If nothing else, they'll be welcoming, and if they aren't what you need, they're the kind of organization that can probably point you towards what you DO need.So...I won't know till I go pretty much. Would mention that it is Pflag mean anything?
I hope there is snacks...
Yeah...I will probably contact the organizer..it might not be what I am looking for...but I think it will be a good first step.
It also depends if I can convince some friends to go...
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Our local PFS lodge started up a Ladies' Night a while back, and it's been a big hit, with way more interest than we'd initially expected. Inspired by that, I'm taking the lead on an LGBT edition.
I'll be talking to the coordinator for the ladies' night tomorrow about her experience, but I was hoping to get some more perspectives. For people who've done this sort of thing before, are there lessons you've learned about what does and doesn't work? If you haven't, are there things you'd want to see?
I don't much about this as I have never been that big of a fan of organized play. But I will say if something like this was being held in my area I would definitely go.
Just a chance to meet other LGBT gamers and make new friends would be great.
Sorry can not give you anymore other that 'That's a great idea'
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Thanks for the support everyone. It's nice to know that you've got my back.
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Our local PFS lodge started up a Ladies' Night a while back, and it's been a big hit, with way more interest than we'd initially expected. Inspired by that, I'm taking the lead on an LGBT edition.
I'll be talking to the coordinator for the ladies' night tomorrow about her experience, but I was hoping to get some more perspectives. For people who've done this sort of thing before, are there lessons you've learned about what does and doesn't work? If you haven't, are there things you'd want to see?
My recommendation would be to run it on a night where I can take the train over from Providence. :p
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I had a longer post written up, but I'm deciding against posting the whole thing. Here's the short version: I went to TotalCon! I presented as female the whole time! Everyone was great! I wore way more feminine clothes than I usually do on Saturday! I used the correct bathroom at a con for the first time! (I was super nervous about it but it was either use the right bathroom or not drink water and let my voice get wasted after two slots.)
Now to repeat that feat at PAX East...
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Our local PFS lodge started up a Ladies' Night a while back, and it's been a big hit, with way more interest than we'd initially expected. Inspired by that, I'm taking the lead on an LGBT edition.
Eyyyy, nothing like doing my own sporadic lurking and seeing the home lodge come up. Awesome idea, let me know if I can help out.
Now to repeat that feat at PAX East...
I realize I'm basically just some rando from the forums, but here's at least one Saturday attendee who has your back if you want!
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So many pages, and I didn't read all of them, but I thought this point should be mentioned.
Just a heads up to keep it civil and PG-13. :)
I know, your a mod, so I'm certainly trying to word this right and I really don't think you meant to offend.
Should probably avoid using the PG-13 reference on a topic like this. The Motion Picture Association of America (which is where the PG-13 comes from), is notoriously anti-gay organization (They really try to make it hard for homosexuality to get into the theatres).
Should check out the documentary "This film is not yet rated" which covers this, and many other issues regarding the MPAA's bias.
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Annnnnnnnnnnnway, happy Friday everyone!
*channels positive feelings and offers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs one*
Rysky!!!!
*hugs*
I missed yesterday's morning hug because of over sleeping...
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What? Someone missed our hugs?
* grabs Selene Spires in an extra-special fluffy bear hug *
Sending out my love to everyone. You are all awesome.
* joins in the hug brigade *
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Our local PFS lodge started up a Ladies' Night a while back, and it's been a big hit, with way more interest than we'd initially expected. Inspired by that, I'm taking the lead on an LGBT edition.
I'll be talking to the coordinator for the ladies' night tomorrow about her experience, but I was hoping to get some more perspectives. For people who've done this sort of thing before, are there lessons you've learned about what does and doesn't work? If you haven't, are there things you'd want to see?
That's awesome. My sister runs a home game that's all women (well, except for me, but that's a complicated sticking point and I can't exactly leave since I'm the current GM). I've been wanting to start an event that's safer space-focused in my lodge for a while.
I guess my recommendation is that you don't want to just recruit from the gamers you already have, but to do outreach to the LGBT community to invite non-PFS players in. That's the only way to maintain growth, and I bet there will be tons of people interested in an opportunity like that :)
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Hi all, long time mostly-lurker of this thread! I wanted to ask everyone a couple of questions:
Have you heard of the safety pin thing, where allies (and LGBTQ?) wear a safety pin on their shirts as a way of saying "I will help LGBTQs who find themselves in a difficult/dangerous situation, if I happen to be nearby." Or perhaps simply "I am not a bigot."
What are your thoughts on the safety pin thing, and other passive indicators of alliance/friendliness? (Happy Humanist symbols, rainbow accessories, etc..) Do they make you feel even a tiny bit better when you see them? Do you even tend to notice small symbols like these?
I'm cis, straight, white, male...I'm a majority individual in nearly every way, and I'm just curious what these sort of things look like from other PoVs. Thanks!
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I live in the Seattle area and I see it sometimes. I think that it's nice and I hope that it's not needed often. I don't know how much it's worn in areas where it is needed much more.
I would love to see more people just step in and say something without having to wear an accessory to let people know. I try to step in when it's needed for just about any form of discrimination.
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RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32
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Hmm the safety pin thing, in my circles at least, was acknowledged as being a thing but quickly forgotten. It's an easy way to signal allyship, but on its own doesn't mean much and is ripe for potential virtue-signaling (which is pretty much exactly what it sounds like).
The problem is that there's no real prerequisite to wearing one? Not that there should be, but someone who will step in and help fight for the oppressed doesn't need a pin for it. And someone wearing the pin has to really be ready to fight, and it's no help if they're just trying to feel like a good person. Which, like, is a wicked cynical view, but may be warranted for something that seems to have sprung up arbitrarily across the Internet.
Also also, because it's no good as a secret symbol if you just spread it all over the internet, I started reading that Nazis were wearing them too as a sign of solidarity amongst themselves and possibly to trick people who would need help. This is probably way less of an issue (if it even is one) than people who want to help not being prepared to actually offer the aid their pins are meant to symbolize. But Nazis have historically been very good at symbolic magical warfare, so I don't think it's impossible.
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I do wear a safety pin (and for me that means being ready to take a stand if necessary) and I actively try to spread the word about what it means in Germany. Yes, it can be a meaningless token, (as every word/sign and act of solidarity not done in the face of retribution can, but where would anyone be without them), but it also can be a sign: You are safe sitting next to me, even if it doesn't signal the readiness to fight, at least 'you don't risk being verbally or physically assaulted by me' can be reassuring.
I also have been threatened by a Nazi the very day I first wore that thing at work, so at least some people know what it means...
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What are your thoughts on the safety pin thing, and other passive indicators of alliance/friendliness? (Happy Humanist symbols, rainbow accessories, etc..) Do they make you feel even a tiny bit better when you see them? Do you even tend to notice small symbols like these?
My view: they're a nice gesture, and I believe it's well meant. Without minimizing that, though, my reaction to them is always one of caution. By their very nature, those symbols are self-applied, so they don't really say anything other than that the person wearing/displaying it believes themselves to be safe.
So as to your other two questions: I suppose my internal feeling is "that's nice," but I'm no more likely to trust that person than I was before. I absolutely do notice things like that, though; I'm always on the lookout for small signs to analyze. Behavioral cues, word choices, symbols, that sort of thing. It's a survival trait. But the conscious or self-applied symbols mean less than the unconscious ones. People only show you who they really are when they're not aware that they're doing it.
I hope you all don't mind but I'd like to post an advertisement for a LGBT book I wrote last year.
I'm not a heavy poster on Paizo's forums but I am a gamer, specifically of Pathfinder. I'm Dungeon World curious if that's a thing. I also like to keep up with the forums and the lgbt forum specifically.
The name of the book is 'Indralakatra. Tales of the Black Djinn.' and it is out on Amazon digitally.
It is about a spoiled prince in a desert kingdom who becomes intrigued by an old man in the market who tries to sell him an amulet from a lost city.
In return for a meal, the old man agrees to tell the prince a tale of how he found himself in Indralakatra and in the presence of the Black Djinn, a being of chaos and destruction whose unpredictability is well-known. There is however a darker undercurrent in it that the prince soon realizes.
It's my first effort at a novel, I've had several false starts, cause novels is hard. I have had just a smattering of sales to friends. Also, while it's romance, its more romanTIC than graphic.
The first chapter is free so you can read and see if you like before buying.
Feel free to leave feedback to me here if you want.
Also, mods, if I am breaking any rules, just delete this post and I'll not post it again.
Thank you all for your time.
Camren Rooke, ghosting as Hemmick Rand
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Hi all, long time mostly-lurker of this thread! I wanted to ask everyone a couple of questions:
Have you heard of the safety pin thing, where allies (and LGBTQ?) wear a safety pin on their shirts as a way of saying "I will help LGBTQs who find themselves in a difficult/dangerous situation, if I happen to be nearby." Or perhaps simply "I am not a bigot."
What are your thoughts on the safety pin thing, and other passive indicators of alliance/friendliness? (Happy Humanist symbols, rainbow accessories, etc..) Do they make you feel even a tiny bit better when you see them? Do you even tend to notice small symbols like these?
I'm cis, straight, white, male...I'm a majority individual in nearly every way, and I'm just curious what these sort of things look like from other PoVs. Thanks!
Despite the name, the safety pin is a sharp object. I'd be wary of a person displaying a sharp object that seemed to have no other purpose than display. But I'm very cautious.
Rainbows is always a weird one to me, since it's a very christian symbol and christians are typically regarded as being opposed to gays - not usually true, but they are regarded as such. I wouln't rely on rainbows either, to establish gender prefrence.
One of the local employees at a hobby shop, has been wearing rainbow suspenders for the last 30 years (or more). Recently, someone informed him that rainbows meant he was gay, which was very surprising to him, since he's not gay and had no idea that rainbows were associated with that crowd. He's a savant with model trains, but not exactly up on current events.
The safety pin is useless. It tells me a person self-identifies as an ally, but that doesn't tell me anything about them actually being safe.
Well said.
There's no good system to ID allies at a glance. Relying on such a system is a mistake. Just talk to them and decide if you think they are good people or not. A truly good person is safe.
And if it keeps coming up, perhaps you should start looking inwards, because you may be unable to find allies because of something you are doing, more than just having a gender preference. If a situation goes badly, learn from it, so it doesn't repeat. Bad sitatuations are the easiest to learn from, because it's obvious that something has gone wrong.
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What are your thoughts on the safety pin thing, and other passive indicators of alliance/friendliness? (Happy Humanist symbols, rainbow accessories, etc..) Do they make you feel even a tiny bit better when you see them? Do you even tend to notice small symbols like these?
A well-intentioned but incredibly stupid, and honestly harmful idea.
First off, there's the stupidity of the whole "secret symbol" aspect, which supposes that somehow, all the at-risk people will be aware of what wearing a pin means when they see you, but not one single neo-nazi is going to hear about it and wear one to lull people into a false sense of security.
Moreover, why the hell should anyone act like being a decent empathetic person who stands up to bigotry be a secret club you need a badge for? It gives the impression that decent people are rare and need to stay hidden, to be sought out and whispered to, in a world where bigots are everywhere.
If your goal is to make marginalized people feel safe, and/or make it known you are a decent person, you need to make your views on people's basic humanity known to everyone present, and do so actively. Bring up racism, transphobia, homophobia, and misogyny in conversations anywhere you go, and in a way that makes it clear these are things you find disgusting, with no place in society. Make a particular point of bringing this up in front of people who "don't like to talk about politics." If you do that often enough to earn a reputation for it, not only will you not need to wear anything to indicate that you're someone marginalized people can safely talk to, you're going to make bigots extremely uncomfortable around you, and when bigots are uncomfortable and nervous, that's when marginalized people can feel safe.
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If your goal is to make marginalized people feel safe, and/or make it known you are a decent person, you need to make your views on people's basic humanity known to everyone present, and do so actively. Bring up racism, transphobia, homophobia, and misogyny in conversations anywhere you go, and in a way that makes it clear these are things you find disgusting, with no place in society. Make a particular point of bringing this up in front of people who "don't like to talk about politics." If you do that often enough to earn a reputation for it, not only will you not need to wear anything to indicate that you're someone marginalized people can safely talk to, you're going to make bigots extremely uncomfortable around you, and when bigots are uncomfortable and nervous, that's when marginalized people can feel safe.
Caution is indicated in the workplace, however. Presenting things poorly can be worse than not saying anything at all. *has to really bite tongue at work at some of the garbage that's said*
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Frankly, this thread is the first time I have heard or read about the safety pin being a 'secret symbol' or a 'badge' meant for the wearer. As I understood it when the Idea came up in GB, it was meant as a reassurement for people who felt being threatened by an increase in open bigotry and hate to see there were people they could feel safe around with the hope that many would wear the pin (as opposed to being a sign off alliance with minorities - it simply meant 'You don't have to fear me and I will stand up when someone threatens you'). This was/is where I see the use of it. As a 'badge of honor' it is stupid, as a secret symbol it is ridiculous - and of course doing nothing more than to wear it is useless.
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If your goal is to make marginalized people feel safe, and/or make it known you are a decent person, you need to make your views on people's basic humanity known to everyone present, and do so actively. Bring up racism, transphobia, homophobia, and misogyny in conversations anywhere you go, and in a way that makes it clear these are things you find disgusting, with no place in society. Make a particular point of bringing this up in front of people who "don't like to talk about politics." If you do that often enough to earn a reputation for it, not only will you not need to wear anything to indicate that you're someone marginalized people can safely talk to, you're going to make bigots extremely uncomfortable around you, and when bigots are uncomfortable and nervous, that's when marginalized people can feel safe.
Absolutely.
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Hi all, long time mostly-lurker of this thread! I wanted to ask everyone a couple of questions:
Have you heard of the safety pin thing, where allies (and LGBTQ?) wear a safety pin on their shirts as a way of saying "I will help LGBTQs who find themselves in a difficult/dangerous situation, if I happen to be nearby." Or perhaps simply "I am not a bigot."
What are your thoughts on the safety pin thing, and other passive indicators of alliance/friendliness? (Happy Humanist symbols, rainbow accessories, etc..) Do they make you feel even a tiny bit better when you see them? Do you even tend to notice small symbols like these?
I'm cis, straight, white, male...I'm a majority individual in nearly every way, and I'm just curious what these sort of things look like from other PoVs. Thanks!
I am kinda new to this...but my first thought would be about the same anytime I meet a stranger which is caution...so yeah they might not want to harm for that reason...but there are more reasons than that to harm somebody.
I got trust issues though.
Also I have learned when things go south no one knows what they will actually do...so when things do go bad the only person I rely on is myself.
So at best I would look at somebody wearing that pin as someone who might be okay...
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I should add...it is a nice gesture...albeit a empty gesture. I have always been a outcast..due to my speech impediment/brain damage. So while I have not faced any LGBT hate directly yet...I dealt enough with the crap people do to those different that I know it takes more than wearing a pin or a ribbon, etc. To prove to me atleast that inside you are not like everyone else.
Sorry if that seems harsh...but I have learned though too many painful experiences it is a harsh world.
Also also, because it's no good as a secret symbol if you just spread it all over the internet, I started reading that Nazis were wearing them too as a sign of solidarity amongst themselves and possibly to trick people who would need help. This is probably way less of an issue (if it even is one) than people who want to help not being prepared to actually offer the aid their pins are meant to symbolize. But Nazis have historically been very good at symbolic magical warfare, so I don't think it's impossible.
Recently I've heard that keyboard-warrior nazis have taken a liking to cute anime girl avatars...and then of course there's the swastika's origin...what is it with nazis and appropriating other people's stuff and then corrupting it forever?
I'm Dungeon World curious if that's a thing.Paizo don't read this.
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Hey. You should look into that. ;)
I like my Pathfinder but Dungeon World seems so freeform. Own the book and have read through about half. Not sure my normal gaming group would ever give it a shot and I'd seriously want to play it with someone who knew what they were doing before I EVER tried to run it.
@Hemmick'Hemlock 'Rand:
Re:Dungeon World... I have played Apocalypse World...I think it is a fun system...combat proved problematic at yikes. The GM also has to be great at ad libbing and improvising.
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* grabs everyone in my trademark big fluffy bear hug *
Good morning, all you awesome people. I hope your weeks were good.
Sending out my love and positive vibes to everyone.
* looks around *
Wait, I beat Rysky to the hugs today? Well, I better double my efforts in the meantime.
* grabs everyone in another big bear hug *
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*Burning warm and bright, cozying the area for hugs, smiles, conversation company and, of course, tea*