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Noobish Funny Stories


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So, I've been telling friends what happened the first time I've ever table top rpg-ed this past weekend, and most of them respond with blank faces... which I assume is how I looked this past weekend.

Our group is running Serpent's Shiv (I believe it is called though am not certain-- feel free to correct).

Funny/Noobish things that happened

1. My character (Ranger not accustomed to others) is about as diplomatic as a monkey flinging poo and tried talking to one of the npc's shipwrecked with our band of adventurers. He was to quote the gm "a man of oriental descent", so following a bad roll my character walked over and asked in a friendly tone "Hi Oriental man... what's your name?" at which point the npc decided he didn't like my char and refused to speak to her. The rest of the group suggested she go watch the forest, while they attempt to be diplomatic.

2. A little later the group was attacked by giant venomous centipedes, so my Ranger walked over to within range of the Centipede, it was at this point I wanted to try out one of my Ranger's other interesting traits... Intimidate... apparently the Centipede was not effected and not amused (at least not as much as the veteran players at the table)... it bit me while I stood there yelling at it.

3. I attempted to redirect some snakes which had infiltrated our camp in the middle of the second night on the island, following a few bad rolls they turned aggressive and attacked (they all missed, but due to their small size I was well within range). Earlier because "it's what Indy did" the Paladin picked up a branch set ablaze from the campfire, to scare the snakes off. While I am standing in the same tile as the snakes, at the gm's suggestion he starts whacking them. The Cleric of our party wished to help so she created rum from thin air over the serpents and doused them stating that "snakes don't like strong smells this should aid in averting them from camp". Now imagine my Character narrowly avoiding being bitten by venomous snakes, and burned by what is essentially a torch, is doused in alcohol along with the snakes, the GM said to roll, so I did... and caught on fire.

4. Luckily my group members helped put me out, and we went back to bed. However, this time we set some traps around camp, 5 total... upon waking our characters walked outside of the lean-to circle to discover-- five dead monkeys in various grotesque positions... having all somehow strangled to death in the snare's catch. The GM was amazed!

So, that is how my first time playing Pathfinder (or any rpg table top) has gone, how about you guys? Any Funny occurrences your first time?

Scarab Sages Reaper Miniatures

Welcome to the madness! I can't remember my first time playing RPG's anymore, but I can tell you that in our group at least, those kinds of stories come up regularly! I'm glad you had fun and caught the bug!


My very first D&D game was about 27 years ago in high school. I had 0 idea what I was doing, my character had been made up by the guy who got me into D& by asking what I wanted to play and then he rolled me up and equipped me. I was a level 1 Wood Elf Fighter.

I was unceremoniously plopped into the middle of the dungeon with the rest of the party with no explanation as to how I got there or who the rest were. We were immediately attacked by 8 giant rats (which nearly killed us all) that we were barely able to defeat, I never hit a single one with my broadsword (yes I was using a broadsword in 1st edition because it was 'cool' and I did not know about the elven long sword bonus).

After that we traveled down a hallway where the thief in the party listened to the door we found, did not hear anything, unlocked the lock and we entered.

The GM then said "You enter a 10' x 10' room. In each corner is a Huge, Ancient, Red Dragon."

He was dead serious. We all died instantly as 4 - 88 point fire breath weapons hit us all. He apparently had used some random dungeon generator from the original DMG to make the dungeon.

Ah good memories. :-D


Alright, mine is still joked about to this day in our group, I made a half elf rogue, err, I think it was a rogue anyways, she was named glistening cavern in elvish, finding this out, all the other players immediately took elvish and from there on nobody would refer to her as anything except glittering clit. Be very careful what you name your characters when playing with a bunch of perverts.


First a little background- our party consists of 4 PCs and 1 DMPC from a player that had to recently drop out of the game. 2 of the players are new to Pathfinder and tabletop RPGs and 2 are old hands at it.

We are exploring this dungeon looking for a missing paladin. We entered a 50'x50' room with what turned out to be 3 green haggs. While most of us close for combat our wizard (one of the new players) stays his distance to throw spells. Now he recently aquired a new spell he has been wanting to try out...mad monkeys he called it.

The monkeys appear around two of the haggs and two of the party members (a dual rapier weilding rogue and a swordsage). On the dual weilding rogue's turn he rolls and said he missed with his primary weapon and scored a possible crit with the off hand.

DM:'You started your turn in the monkeys so they get a dissarm attempt.'

...DM rolls to beat CMD...

DM:'Looks like the monkeys dissarmed a weapon!'

...DM rolls to see which one...

DM:'Your off hand weapon is torn from your grip.'

ROGUE:' This IS NOT helping!'

WIZARD:'Sorry. New spell. Not doing quite what I thought it would.'
(sheepish grin)

-Flea


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Alright I for one find these stories immensely ammusing so I'll contribute one too, (please forgive my lack of avatar I'm new :P)

Anyway, it was my first session of my very first campaign, I believe it was the one that started out in Sandpoint. We had a party of five: A half-orc undead sorcerer of the undead bloodline, a high charisma rogue who was very good at slipping out of fights. As well as a straight up fighter with a habit of throwing caltrops behind him whenever it was most inconvienient and myself, a heavy armor donning battle cleric.

To start things off we had the most wonky party cooperation I have yet to match in the last two years and we had somehow lucked out enough to not get gutted by the townsfolk for our sheer annoyingness. Between the rogue's constant hitting on the town girl's, the sorcerer talking to gravestones and the fighter ruining every road he traversed with his and I quote, "tiny spikes of personal protection." I was far from perfect myself but my worst flaw was my zealous attempts at making sure the local church was bloody damn well clean.

Not too long after we were collected in the town square and introduced to one another a gang of loud, rude, viscious goblins came to harrass and burn the poor townsfolk. Ironically enough the horde was slowed down immensely by the scatterings of caltrops piercing their stubby little feet. With their impeded progress it was simple work for me to go up to them one by one and bash their heads in with my mace. I however was not alone in my conflict as naturally the fighter took great pains to hack and slash as many as he could physically reach while the sorcerer went head to head against the goblin boss, a wolf riding beast with a serious case of littleman syndrome, (the rogue went to town on one of them with his rapier simply because he couldn't escape it.)

Stunningly enough the most memorable moment from the fight came from the sorcerer who was proficient with a falchion with a whopping strength of 16. He used every point of it to slice up the wolf and then literally punch the boss to death after he was disarmed by a lucky shot. To prove his point that he was something not to be messed with he then proceeded to grab another goblin and scorch his crotch away with a shaocking grasp before disposing of the its twitching carcass in a tidy trashbin.

But we were far from over. In that same session we were tasked with going down into the Sandpoint dungeon and dispelling any evil we happened across. To make this very long post a little bit shorter the party came across some Sin Spawns (we were all level 1) and then hapened across a small unassuming door. Being the geniuses we were we rushed through the door to stumble upon a couple more Sin Spawns with, and this was inspiring, a cross-dressing quasit. Well apparently we were meant to explore the rest of the dungeon rather than taking every left turn possible because hiding behind this distinctly not "boss room" door was the dungeon's boss. Unfortunately we didn't figure this out until the fighter struck the first blow and realized much to his horror that between the thing's DR and fast healing that he couldn't put a scratch in it. After a couple of rounds of getting our collective arses whooped we decided it was every man for himself and made a run for the exit.

Well unfortunately the very thing that was of such a blessing in our scuffle at the town was our very undoing. Care to guess what it was? The caltrops. THE CALTROPS. Those satanic little spikes slowed us down so much that we were forced to push our fighter down and leave him as bait. And we did it just so we had another round to flee before the quasit (who could fly and therefor avoid the blasted hellspikes)could catch back up and end us all. This lead our sorcerer to thinking that we needed another body to keep the beast at bay and took a swipe at our rogue but much to his dispair he rolled a natural 1 and tripped over to the ground, becoming the very bait he so desperately didn't want to be. This left just me and the rogue who jumped up ahead of me when I fell into a deep pit of water and almost drowned before crawling back out only to be blasted by the quasit just 5 feet from the exit.

The worst part, the rogue actually got away, but he returned soon after with a rescue screw consisting of an npc healer class and a psuedo wizard. All three of them were mercilessly ripped apart to the backdrop of "Do You Believe In Magic" which the sorcerer started to play from his laptop.


My first GM who GMed my fist two campaigns was a total a&*+*&$. He played favorites with party members, hated any kind of combat, and loved gnomes so much it was kinda creepy. Our first campaign had three party members and an animal companion die because he forgot the rules of poison. He didn't allow subsequent rolls for kicking the poison. I actually crossed out my name on my character sheet and replaced it with my character's "older brother" just because I was so pissed.

Other highlights from the first campaign include two intelligent items, a shovel and a pickax, that who controlled through math problems. I didn't solve the puzzle because I couldn't be bothered so they hated me. He also loved omnipotent intelligent objects. One, a door, trapped our fighter in an illusion of terror just because the fighter was as sick of this as I was. This culminated in the party wizard setting the fighter on fire intentionally to make him stop fighting the door. I was NE in that game and I wasn't nearly as evil as the "TN" wizard.

By the end of the campaign we had to fight a minor deity houseruled in because the GM wanted more Gnomish deities. The reward after was a boon from a greater god (Garl Glittergold, another houseruled Gnomish god.) The wizard and fighter chose to become gods themselves which they did. The next campaign was a continuation in the same world but years in the future with new characters that had the two new gods in it. I chose to become a cleric of the Fighter's character, Kholek.

Since my GM hated Kholek's player, the church was so incredibly small I was the high priest at level 7. I decided to say screw the GM anyway and built up his church with my bare hands. The GM didn't do much to stop me because he was busy screwing over Kholek's player's new character a summoner. The summoner's eidolon was basically a flying Machamp with poison claws. The GM made him discriminated against because "most people wouldn't know what an eidolon is." After a spat with a dwarven shopkeeper, the summoner desummoned his eidolon as a compromise. The Dwarf responded by banning him from the store and sending out an assistant to spread the word and get him banned from every store and tavern in the whole city. We left the campaign shortly thereafter.

The biggest n00b moment thought was from a different player in the second campaign. Three players came up with a character conceit that they're all brothers from Japan-equivalent. The eldest brother a samurai was played by a total troll. He decided that, despite knowing common, his character chose to speak only in Japanese. When we were negotiating trade as part of a peace treaty, he decided to chime in and speak common for the first time. This came when we were decided what goods should be traded. "What about the women!?" He apparently meant that in feudal Japan women brewed alcohol despite that not be true and i have no idea where he got it. To save face, he was booted out of his noble position and his younger brother played by the GM's favorite became the head of house. I hated the GM but he was right in this case.


DemonLord Maelik wrote:


Stunningly enough the most memorable moment from the fight came from the sorcerer who was proficient with a falchion with a whopping strength of 16. He used every point of it to slice up the wolf and then literally punch the boss to death after he was disarmed by a lucky shot. To prove his point that he was something not to be messed with he then proceeded to grab another goblin and scorch his crotch away with a shaocking grasp before disposing of the its twitching carcass in a tidy trashbin.

This is freaking great, this is an example of proper use of badass.


First campaign was with a noob gm and straight noob players. GM's dad, old player of 30 years was supervising. Went well for 15 minutes, waking up under a mountain with group and trying to find our way out. Then other kid begins crying and father has to leave for a couple minutes. Young kid at table is annoying hell out of GM and table becomes bored.

GM "You come across a glittering doorway."

Us: I ain't going in there.

Me: One of us has to go. Rogue this is your freaking job get going.

Rogue: Nuhuh!

Me: Ranger?

(Ranger and I, the fighter, grab his arms and subsequently throw him through the doorway. The glitters were just curtains over the door. The 30 foot drop was real though.)

Rogue (5 minutes later): I can't believe you almost killed me.

Me: Yeah one slice and we wouldn't have to put up with the incessant whining. You didn't die, so quit the crap.

GM gets very annoyed at his whining.

GM: A trap goes off and the wall falls.

Us: We dive outta the way.

Rogue: I duck.

GM: You're squished. You're at -7 health and bleeding out.

Long story short he bled to death as a bunch of level 1's couldn't move several tons of rock in 18 seconds.


The first time I "played" D&D it was original red box and we got no further than character creation. I think I made a fighter. My cousin had me convinced that dwarves could roll down hallways to trip enemies and that kobolds made good jerky.

A year or so later, the next time I "played" D&D, I brought the basic set to 7th grade and convinced three other kids to join. We rolled up a halfling, and due to time constraints I made all three of them play the same character for the remaining 30 minutes of lunch. Thats all I remember of it, aside from the fact that my rules knowledge was wretched.


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My first D&D experience other than my mother burning some of my dads old D&D stuff was in basic training yes basic training. One of the guys smuggled in character sheets an we made dice out of cardboard and used coins stuff easy to hide. Every Sunday when other people were at church we would be playing. Thank the Gods the Drill Sargent never found out. Think I played a half-bard an one of my others was a wizard.

Last year a bought 4E a few months ago I tried running a home brew for my wife. We didn't get into it.

about a week ago I got PF beginners box an last night we started black fang. Our on pc an Gmpc were killed by one of the first to goblins. I made up a reason that we came back to life. So will see how it goes to night.


Slayerofundead wrote:
Thank the Gods the Drill Sargent never found out.

I once worked with a guy who had a D&D group in prison. They had the books, which might have been contraband that was ignored, but there are absolutely no dice allowed in prison. He made a "dice" spinner that could generate a number for any single die - d4 through d20.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 8

Two stories:

1. Started up a campaign with some friends who played, but never with me. One player was very new to the game, and had only really played one character before - an elven paladin.

In my game she rolled up an elven rogue and away we went. At some point in the adventure, I can't really remember what it was.. but I had something hit them with a mass fear effect.

Me: "Everyone roll a Will save please."
Player: "Not me, elves are immune to fear."
Me: "What?"

Turns out, that for the entire time she played that first game, and right up until this point in mine, she believed it was being an elf that made her immune to fear, not being a paladin.

2. More recent campaign. One player is experienced and he is playing a rogue sniper type. He has invested in the Climb skill so he can get to perches quickly and easily. Second player is a first timer, she is playing a bard with more focus on social skills.

Me: "You eventually reach the canyon wall, you can climb it, which would be faster, but going around would certainly be easier"
Player 1: "I'll climb.. shoot! I got a 9"
Player 2" "Me too! I got 17!"
Me "Ok, the bard starts making her way up while the rogue.. you're having an off day"
Player 1 "Lemme try again... dang! a 7"
Player 2 "I got an 18.. can I keep going?"
Player 1 "How are you beating me!? How many ranks do you have?"
Player 2 "I'm supposed to add my ranks to this roll?"
Player 1 "...I'm going around."

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