aka Robert G. McCreary
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Twilight of the Phoenix
This adventure is designed for four 8th-level characters. By the end of the module, characters should reach 11th level.
Introduction
It is the time of the Concordant Eclipse, a rare astronomical event when Golarion, its moons, and nearby planets are in conjunction, a phenomenon that happens once every 2,333 years. From across Golarion, sages and astronomers have flocked to the desert nation of Osirion, the best place from which to watch the eclipse. But wonder and excitement turn to fear and trepidation when the sun does not return at its appointed time, plunging Osirion into never-ending night.
Recently translated inscriptions from the tomb of one of Osirion’s oldest pharaohs tell of a similar unearthly nightfall ages ago that was only prelude to an invasion by aberrant alien horrors from the Dominions of the Black. Fearing obliteration, the pharaoh asked his advisor Ibennu-awi, known as the Resplendent Phoenix, to save Osirion. Ibennu-awi, a wise archmage and theurge without peer, crafted a powerful artifact called the Burning Phoenix Staff, which he used to banish the supernatural darkness and the otherworldly invaders back to the Dark Tapestry.
The Burning Phoenix Staff has been lost for centuries and the Resplendent Phoenix himself is long dead. But perhaps his victory could be repeated if the Staff can be found. Hired by the temple of Sarenrae, goddess of the sun, to find this lost artifact, the PCs are directed to a reclusive wizard and sage named Rashidi who has dedicated his life to researching the mighty archmage’s legendary relics, known collectively as the panoply of the Phoenix. As they prepare for their journey, the PCs are ambushed by barghests in the service of Zon-Kuthon, god of darkness. Defeating their attackers, the PCs discover evidence that the cult of Zon-Kuthon wants to seize the panoply for themselves and take advantage of the preternatural twilight for their own sinister purposes. The PCs take part in a frantic camel race across the starlit desert, through sandstorms and territorial lamias, to reach Rashidi’s tower before the cult.
The Tower of Glass
The PCs arrive at the wizard’s home, a tower of fused-sand glass hidden in a haunted valley deep in the mountains, to find that Rashidi is missing. In his absence, a dread mummy sorcerer has claimed the tower for himself and undead have overrun the tower. Exploring the tower, the PCs face the wizard’s traps, a bound efreeti masquerading as a wrongfully imprisoned noble djinni, and the dread mummy and his undead minions. After eradicating the undead infesting the tower, the PCs find Rashidi’s notes. These reveal that the Burning Phoenix Staff was divided into four pieces, some hidden away for safekeeping and others stolen by opportunistic thieves. Rashidi has so far recovered one piece of the staff, the sunfire medallion, and has gone in search of the rest of the panoply of the Phoenix. The PCs can take the sunfire medallion from Rashidi’s tower, but removing it from its vault has dire consequences, as the glass tower begins to dissolve into sand. The PCs must escape the collapsing tower or be buried forever beneath an avalanche of sand. Once free, they will confront vampire spawn cultists of Zon-Kuthon, who have arrived to claim the sunfire medallion, before following Rashidi’s trail to a nearby oasis.
Oasis of the Four Winds
Seeking the wizard Rashidi, the PCs come to the Oasis of the Four Winds, home to a nomadic tribe of jann. The PCs question the jann to find the missing wizard, but they soon become embroiled in an argument between the four elemental clans of the tribe. To receive the jann’s aid, the PCs must mediate the dispute and prove themselves by eliminating a pair of behirs who have been terrorizing the tribe. In the behirs’ hoard, the PCs can find the brass sphinx, a figurine of wondrous power that may prove useful later in the adventure. Returning to the oasis, the jann tell the PCs that Rashidi went to recover more pieces of the panoply of the Phoenix hidden in an abandoned temple buried beneath the sands of the jann’s ancestral wintering grounds. The janni druid Djeserit, a friend of Rashidi, volunteers to guide the PCs to the lost temple. But unknown to the PCs, an imp in the service of Zon-Kuthon’s cult has been following and spying on them, and passes on this information to the cult as well.
Fane of the Forgotten Faith
Accompanied by Djeserit, the PCs arrive at the Temple of the Three Sisters, an ancient and abandoned religion from Osirion’s past, only to discover that the cult of Zon-Kuthon is already there and has slain the wizard Rashidi. Rashidi’s spirit appears to the PCs and tells them that part of his soul (his ba) is still trapped in his body, and cannot join the rest of his soul (his ka) until his death has been avenged. The PCs infiltrate the temple and brave its traps and guards, including huge animated statues and guardian mummies. The PCs must also contend with the fiendish and vampiric servants of Zon-Kuthon before finally challenging Ini-Herit, a vampire cleric of Zon-Kuthon. Once they have defeated the vampire, the PCs can acquire his weapon, the phoenix tail flail, the second piece of the panoply of the Phoenix. Rashidi’s spirit reappears, thanking the PCs for avenging his death and taking up the mantle of his quest. But that quest is not yet over, for a third piece of the panoply hidden with the flail was stolen from the temple centuries ago, and Rashidi informs the PCs that the nameless beings from the Dominions of the Black draw ever closer. Time is running short. To stop the impending arrival of the invaders, the PCs need to make all haste to the distant valley where the thief is believed to have fled and recover the next piece of the panoply. Djeserit reveals herself to be a devotee of the Three Sisters, and offers the PCs a carpet of flying from the temple’s treasury to aid their quest. With his death avenged and the quest for the panoply in good hands, Rashidi’s spirit fades away, his ba finally able to rejoin his ka in the afterlife.
Gates of the Dawn
En route via flying carpet to find the third piece of the panoply of the Phoenix, the PCs are attacked by a pair of erinyes sent by the Zon-Kuthon cult to make up for Ini-Herit’s failure. After repelling the winged devils, the PCs finally arrive at the Gates of the Dawn, a mountain pass guarded by the powerful Golden Sphinx Tanafriti, a metal-clad, solaric gynosphinx. The sphinx poses a riddle to the PCs in order to grant them access to the hidden valley beyond the Gates. If the riddle proves too difficult, and if the PCs found the brass sphinx figurine of wondrous power at the Oasis of the Four Winds, they can use it as a bargaining chip with Tanafriti. But the sphinx is also the bearer of the third piece of the panoply stolen from the temple, the crook of solar splendor. If the PCs don’t wish to fight Tanafriti, they can negotiate with her to claim the relic. The PCs must also ascertain where the fourth and final piece of the panoply is hidden. If they don’t have the means to divine its location themselves, they can perhaps persuade the Golden Sphinx to use her legend lore ability.
Tomb of the Resplendent Phoenix
The PCs learn that the final piece of the panoply of the Phoenix is located in the tomb of Ibennu-awi himself. Fortunately, the Resplendent Phoenix’s tomb is located just beyond the Gates of the Dawn in the Valley of Blue Sand, known to be home to sand elementals and rocs. But they are not the only dangers, for the Resplendent Phoenix has not been resting easily for the last few centuries, and the PCs must overcome both Ibennu-awi’s ghost and the shield guardian that still protects his body before they can gain the final piece of the panoply, the war crown of fiery sight. What’s more, the cult of Zon-Kuthon makes one final attempt to thwart the PCs and wrest the panoply from them. Before they can leave the tomb, the PCs have to face Pakhet the Huntress, a night hag bounty hunter and her Nessian warhound, sent to retrieve the relics. With all the pieces of the panoply of the Phoenix in their possession, the PCs can reassemble them to form the Burning Phoenix Staff. Hieroglyphs on the walls of Ibennu-awi’s tomb reveal that he dispelled the darkness ages ago by using the Staff to summon the mythical Phoenix bird itself. In order to replicate his feat, the PCs will need to journey to the holy mountain where the last Phoenix died.
The Mountain of Ash
Arriving at the sacred mountain Al-Qurn, the PCs realize that they are too late. The planets have finally aligned, opening the way between Golarion and the Dominions of the Black. Already harbingers of the destruction to come have arrived: the extraplanar undead known as nightshades. A towering nightwalker stalks across the darkened land, and a monstrous nightwing prowls the twilight skies above. The PCs don’t have much chance to stop such powerful foes; they must use the Burning Phoenix Staff to call forth the Phoenix from its ashes, now scattered across the mountaintop. As the Phoenix confronts the nightshades, the PCs realize that other dangers are present as well. The nightshades are not alone, and it is up to the PCs to oppose the Dwellers in the Darkness, terrible alien monstrosities from the Dominions of the Black who have come to claim Osirion for their own dark domain.
Conclusion
The PCs defeat the Dwellers in the Darkness in time to witness the Phoenix triumph over the nightshades. Grievously wounded after the epic battle, the Phoenix returns to the PCs. It tells them it has one more task to complete before it can die, and charges the PCs to protect and watch over Osirion, to be ever vigilant against the powers of Night. As a final token of its thanks, the Phoenix gives them a phoenix feather cloak made from its own magical feathers. The Phoenix flies up to the occulted sun and immolates itself in a fiery explosion. In waves of purifying flame, the unnatural eclipse finally ends, allowing the sun to shine unobstructed over Osirion once more.
Treasure
Throughout the adventure, the PCs seek to recover the lost relics of the Resplendent Phoenix, the great theurge Ibennu-awi. Known as the panoply of the Phoenix, these four items are:
- The sunfire medallion, an amulet that shines with light on command, enhances a cleric’s turn undead ability, and absorbs sunlight to later release it in blinding or searing flashes.
- The phoenix tail flail, a flaming burst weapon that inflicts extra damage against undead.
- The crook of solar splendor, a metamagic rod that enhances its wielder’s Charisma and summons firebirds.
- The war crown of fiery sight, a helmet that enables its wearer to shoot fiery rays from her eyes while enhancing her Intelligence and powers of perception.
Along the way, the PCs also have the chance to find a brass sphinx, a new figurine of wondrous power. Finally, if successful in their quest, the PCs will also be rewarded with the phoenix feather cloak, which envelops its wearer in protective fire, provides fire resistance, and grants the ability to fly with fiery wings, as well as to teleport short distances in a burst of flame.
New Monsters
The adventure presents the following new monsters:
- The Dwellers in the Darkness, native outsiders from the Dominions of the Black in the form of cephalopodic winged crustaceans. These tentacled alien horrors can fly through the void of space, draw power from the very stars, and manipulate shadow and darkness.
- The legendary Phoenix, a unique native outsider that sometimes serves as a herald of Sarenrae. A personification of redemption and healing, the Phoenix can ease the pain and sins of the sun goddess’s faithful, and is able to reincarnate itself from the ashes of its previous manifestation.
- Firebirds, lesser celestial cousins of the great Phoenix with solaric powers of fire and light that can be called via summon monster spells or the crook of solar splendor.
OK, Rob, watcha got for me? I’ll admit, I like your stuff and I want to see what you came up with.
Twilight of the Phoenix. A tad generic, and no reference to a tomb or other type of dungeon. I don’t mind generic titles, but if they are generic then they better promise me a dungeon and some serious player death. Hasn’t grabbed me yet.
Oooh, an eclipse! That’s a neat event. And then the sun doesn’t return! Now that is an adventure. That provides urgency and a need for heroic action. That is a great, great hook! Not only that, but it is a sign of invasion by alien horrors! This is getting good already.
Enter the “key magic item” that must be found to save all mankind. Yes, it is a tired plot tool but it works, over and over and over and over and over. “Help me, Obi Wan Kenobi, you are my only hope.” So I guess, cliché as it is, the “hired to find a magic item to save us from great evil disaster” plot doesn’t really bother me as a potential publisher. But I will admit that I hoped for a bit more. Not enough to stop reading, though. This thing sounds pretty cool.
But as I am reading, two things hit me.
One, I’m not so sure I like the Egyptian feel. I’ll admit, Desert of Desolation is an awesome series of modules. I love them. But this feels like even more of a niche product than Jason’s does. At least Jason’s could start from anywhere in the campaign world, or so it seemed. This one feels like the PCs really need some reason to be a part of this Egyptian-style setting before the adventure. Because, really, are PCs going to go somewhere just to watch the stars. So right off the bat I am worried this might be a bit of a niche product and it might not appeal to a wide base. So I might not want to publish it. Now, in my view, an awesome adventure is an awesome adventure. But I still have to concern myself with its appeal. I mean, I am just not publishing an all-roleplaying adventure where the PCs must all be gnome bards and it is all set in a one-room cottage in fairyland. I don’t care if it is Shakespearean in its brilliance of writing. That adventure won’t sell to a wide enough audience and it isn’t compatible with the kind of product my company puts out. Don’t kid yourself that publishers don’t think about this stuff. That said, this adventure isn’t close to being a problem, but I thought about it and that idea that this adventure might have a limited appeal is in my head kicking around. The fact that this may be a limited appeal type of setting may be the thing that tips the scale against this adventure if there are other concerns. Keep that in mind when you are considering submitting your greatest psionic adventure, or an adventure designed primarily for monk PCs. Those are limiting.
Two, I’m not loving the format of the submission. I would prefer a bit more structure to it. Yeah, I like the basic narrative structure, but I am also trying to find out how many pages this will be and will it fit into a 32 page module and does the author have a good, solid outline in place. I like seeing acts and scenes if possible. That helps me evaluate if the submission meets my publication goals. Some would say that the submission stage is too early for act/scene breakdowns. That is probably true. It isn’t fatal. But it sure is helpful. My brain says to me: “A better way to present this would have been to say Scene 1: Eclipse and detail how the sun doesn’t return and the PCs learn of the otherworldly invaders, etc. Then Scene 2: hired by temple of Sarenrae, etc.” Yes, you can get that all from the text, but you could present it more cleanly. I also peek ahead and I don’t really see the format of the submission getting better.
Despite those two concerns, I still like the submission so far and keep reading with interest.
So a paragraph or two further and I see that we got eclipse, hired by temple, on the road to see guy to get knowledge, ambush by barghest, discover evidence that a cult is interested, camel race to wizard’s place. I’m feeling a little let down. It’s not living up to expectations. A tad generic. A secret cult is kinda been-there-done-that (true, lots of D&D plots are, but they don’t need to feel that way). And a barghest is kind of a dull monster. Shake me up. Surprise me. Hit me with something great. This is, unfortunately, not getting me excited.
I keep reading, but I really want to be wowed soon.
OK, a nice little tower/dungeon-style site based adventure bit. Hopefully not too large. You don’t want to “do a Jzadirune” as I call it—referring to the dungeon in the first adventure from the Shackled City Adventure Path where Chris Perkins made a dungeon that was way too big for the purpose it served in the story. Interest level goes back up a bit. Nothing puts a smile on my face quite like a dungeon, and I think the writer made a good choice to throw one in here. It fits. But that said it isn’t really moving me still. Ok a mummy. Woo hoo. Not that great. And a bit tried and true for the desert adventure. I’m getting a serious case of the ho-hum’s. Escape disintegrating tower, fight cultists. Ok, not bad.
What’s a desert adventure without genies! Or jann, I should say. And the four elements. And a sphinx item. But we get another mini-dungeon. And I love behirs, so that is a plus. But this one is starting to lose me.
I read the rest of the submission. I like some of it. I get past most of the cliché stuff, but it does grate on me a bit. It’s not that the ideas are bad. I just can’t shake the been-there-done-that feeling. Maybe its because I have published a hard core desert adventure (Necropolis). So maybe I am holding that against this submission. I don’t know. The fane, the sphinx, the tomb, the multi-part magic item (ok, panoply).
This one just feels like color-by-numbers to me. Even the finale, which I will admit is pretty cool, feels rather uninspired. Not terribly original. Plus, I think you missed a chance to get more mileage out of the dwellers in darkness. We fight pretty traditional desert monsters up until the very end. I think more of the dwellers earlier, or some other earth-bound eldritch horrors related to the dwellers from ages past would have helped this one turn the corner.
NOT RECOMMENDED.
Rob, I thought you had an amazing run and if someone picked you to win this I couldnt argue against it. My review here is very subjective and I acknowledge that. I think you have done a great job.
I didnt feel this was your best. I think you have more in you. I also might have a bit of burn out on Egypt-themed adventures due to my prior experience and I dont want to hold that against you unfairly.
All that said, please understand that this entry is only not recommended in the context of this amazing contest with these amazing contestants. Under any other circumstances, I think your submission would get a long hard look from the best publishers and would likely be accepted. I have great respect for what you have done in this competition. I don't think I could have done it. Good luck to you and I can't wait to see what the voters do.
Chief Creative Officer, Publisher
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Right off the top, "Twilight of the Phoenix" is a good name for a module. Not only does it sound cool and incorporate a fantasy element that resonates with even casual fans of the game, but I also like the metaphorical value of the title as well.
I like the set-up. In the category of "things you probably didn't know, but which help you anyway" I feel it important to note that our Osirion (read "Egyptian") adventure "Entombed with the Pharaohs" is one of our best-selling GameMastery Modules, and people have been clamoring for a sequel. Also, there _was_ a point in Golarion's history where the world was cloaked in darkness, so it's interesting that you picked up on that as well (or perhaps stumbled into it). If you planned that stuff for those reasons, nice job. And if you didn't, nice job anyway.
I like the camel race through a sandstorm, and I like the idea of the PCs fighting their way through a pack of "territorial lamias." I would have preferred that you put a little more emphasis on creating a compelling adventure hook, since as it is it seems like the PCs go on this mission because they are good guys and that's about it. I do like how you've filled even the camel ride to the sage's house with action, but a little more creative thought regarding how to involve the PCs would have been much appreciated.
The showdown at Rashidi's place promises a lot of fun action and fighting, but I'm unsure what the dread mummy and his servants are doing at the tower, other than providing a convenient fight for the PCs at a convenient time. I realize you can't say everything in a brief module proposal, but I would have appreciated a little more attention to this detail. I do like that the tower collapses, and I especially like the vampire spawn waiting outside. It's always fun to throw a fight at the PCs when their resources are depleted and they think they're done for the day.
The encounter with the jann sounds interesting and I love the brass sphinx, but as I read through this proposal I am starting to feel like perhaps you are trying to pack in too many encounters into a relatively short space. By the time you consider the title page, new monsters, and any appendix information we're talking about something like 28 pages, and you're trying to fit a LOT of stuff into that relatively small space. This isn't fatal, of course. It's easier to cut out encounters than it is to write to fill, but it's something you definitely should look out for. Still, what you've provided is generally cool, so this is less a problem than it might otherwise be.
I must admit to a touch of disappointment once we get past the Gates of Dawn and bring the phoenix back to life. As a player, GM, and publisher I am not a huge fan of adventures in which the PCs work their tails off so that some more powerful NPC (in this case a monster) takes on the powerful bad guys while the PCs stand there and watch. You've mitigated this somewhat with the fight against the Dwellers in Darkness (who are pretty creepy and interesting), but in the end the PCs are second fiddle here, and that's seldom the best choice in an RPG adventure.
The ultimate ending, with the phoenix bursting to lift the darkness, seems appropriate. I like the treasure that the PCs are left with, and overall I think this is a pretty good proposal.
I have a few concerns.
1. More effort could have gone into the opening adventure hook.
2. I'm a bit worried that there's too much here to fit into 32 pages.
3. The individual encounters are cool, but the adventure itself seems very linear. There's not a lot of PC choice in this adventure. They're really just carried along by the scavenger hunt. That's not fatal, but it's not really that great, either.
That said, the general setting is interesting, the names and concepts are strong in my view, the rewards are appropriate, and I am certain that the adventure would be fun to play.
I'd want you to address my three concerns before I'd wholeheartedly endorse this adventure for publication, but that's just part of the process. It's almost unheard of that Paizo (or any publisher, for that matter) green lights a proposal without some requested revisions.
Is this cool enough to win? I can't say, as I still have to read the others. I can say that you lived up to my expectations of your abilities, and I think you have a bright RPG freelancing future ahead of you one way or the other.
I have been consistently impressed with your submissions, and I look forward to working with you in the future.
Good luck!
I really love the title and the whole Desert of Desolation feel. It even had a little Ravenloft kind of feel with the mummy and vampires trying to get the amulet - you recall there was a holy symbol/amulet in Raveloft that was seriously bad ass against Strahd.
As I read on to each new section of the adventure, though, it was painfully obvious to me as someone who has now written 3 GameMastery Modules (two not out yet) that it would be next to impossible to fit all of this into the 21,000 words you are given to devlop your adventure. Not at all your fault not really knowing any of this beforehand, but, trust me, the publishers are very aware of it and were probably thinking the same thing I was (I notice Erik posted above, but I didn't read his post. May have said something like this already).
It sounds fun, though. I'd love to be a player in this one.
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I really, really knee-jerk against any 'adventure' where I fight to the end and then get to watch an NPC handle the work while I battle some mooks, or, worse, stand and watch.
I'd ditch the Nightwhatevers, and have the Phoenix be less a creature and more a primal force that is sent up into the sky to end the eclipse. The portal / conjunction / unwholesome closeness to that Other Place is already open, however, and the party has to fight the Dwellers in Darkness (which sound a lot cooler than those weird undead I don't think I've ever seen used) while the 'phoenix' does it's thing and closes the portal. More 'macguffin,' less 'NPC.'
I'm not hugely fond of the title. 'Long Day's Journey into Night' is probably right out, 'though. :)
Kobold Press
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Rob, I apologize for not posting this sooner. I thought it went through yesterday, but apparently the post failed. Better late than not at all.
I'm torn on this proposal, whether it is a throwback to the classic item quest (think Rod of Seven Parts or many 1E adventures), or a rather linear structure imposed on what could be a much more open style of adventure.
The phoenix, the history, the sense of high fantasy are all there, and I like your use of the popular Osirion setting. I disagree with Clark that the Egyptian theme is a negative: Osirion and Entombed with the Pharoahs proves it is a very viable setting and style.
I also very much like the level of detail you are pitching at: not too much mechanical detail, and not too much backstory. There's fun elements here, and I don't have anything to object to, really. But I get the lingering sense that I've played this adventure before, and I'm certain that you can't fit everything you want into a single module. Too many encounters and too many twists. There's actually a silver lining to that: a revised outline would include just the very best elements, and could be a powerful expansion of a portion of Golarion.
Big plusses: Epic feel, straightforward story.
Negatives: Linear item quest, perhaps too much material here.
On balance? I'm leaving this one to the voters.
Okay.
This was good. Not, unfortunately, Christine-good, but pretty damn good nontheless.
I like the whole invasion of space demons feel; it set me in mind of the Tzitzimime of (I think) Aztec mythology (who's name translates to something like "Star demons of darkness who attack the sun" which is just brilliant). I also like that not everything is more mammals; cephalopodic winged crustaceans - with tentacles - is pretty damn good.
I think the whole thing seemed pretty solid, very solid. Kind of what I'd expect in a published module, something akin to Desert of Desolation or the better Warhammer FRP modules.
I also have to disagree with Clark on the setting issue; Generic Temperate Fantasy Modules - unless they are spectacular - are far less likely to this Lich part me part with his hard-earned cash. I can get them - and have, actually - anywhere and convert from earlier editions.
Stuff like this, though, which is a bit more exotic is much more likely. (I think something set in Iskandria would be even better, though!)
I actually find easier to integrate more unusual locales to my games, because I play homebrew almost exlusively; I can pass off the more...unusual...denizens of D&D as unique to that area, without having to splatter my campaign world with all the unecessary amd untidy races and monsters of Generic D&D World.
I hope to cross swords with you next year - if there is one - and wish you luck elsewhere. I will, as another famous evil-doer once said, be watching your career with great interest...
(( I have not read the other entries yet, so don't know whether this will be harsh or not. :) ))
Since I feel vastly unqualified to say whether this was a good adventure Proposal, let me simply say that I liked the writing and Loved the ideas but was not terribly impressed with the actual Adventure.
As others have said - it's a little too linear, it lets the NPC do the heavy lifting at the end, and it doesn't introduce the alien baddies early enough. This last was big for me - I wanted to see either the little ones sneaking 'across' in small numbers or a couple of 'em strong enough to get 'thru' before the masses did.
We'll see. Best of luck.
-VIC
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Star Voter Season 7
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Even though Christine's proposal has more wow power, this is still a decent adventure. The pacing has an adventure movie feel with all the traveling and encounters along the way.
The final encounter does need a little work and the adventure would probably work better as 2-3 part adventure arc.
My players would love playing it and I would love running it. I would definetly buy this module.
I really like magic item sets as presented in the Magic Item Compendium; I was assuming that's where you were going with the panoply of the phoenix. This would make a really cool "Super-Adventure", or three-part arc like in the last few issues of Dungeon. I'd buy it, but then I've loved Egyptian settings ever since the I3-I4-I5 module series. And I like linear; you'd be surprised how often player thinking is linear, and how quickly deviations return to the norm. As a DM, I can always improvise as long as I understand the storyline.
Very cool- but you may get edged out on how much of this you could actually fit into 32 pages, which is all the winning finalist gets. Tough choice here. Thanks for an awesome adventure idea!
Twilight of the Phoenix
This adventure is designed for four 8th-level characters. By the end of the module, characters should reach 11th level.
Introduction
It is the time of the Concordant Eclipse, a rare astronomical event when Golarion, its moons, and nearby planets are in conjunction, a phenomenon that happens once every 2,333 years. From across Golarion, sages and astronomers have flocked to the desert nation of Osirion, the best place from which to watch the eclipse. But wonder and excitement turn to fear and trepidation when the sun does not return at its appointed time, plunging Osirion into never-ending night.
Oh cool! An eclipse and planetary alignment. Awesome! (Hm. Osirion again. Cool.)
Many, many cool Egyptian and Arabic references and themes here. I detected good (but not over the top) names for many things. Some cool encounters.
This adventure for once has a simple, straightforward hook and problem for the PCs. I like that. It has a “get this stuff” theme like the Rod of Seven Parts. Also fine.
Sand elementals? Erm. What’s elemental about sand? It’s fused stone. Glass or rock honed down to tiny little grains. Okay, that’s a quibble.
I really like the “bring back the Phoenix” aspect of the plot. This does seem a bit railroady, and there I have to caution you. It’s fine to set up a trek to find things, but this has just a bit too much dependant on things happening “just so”.
The Dominion of the Black intrigues me a lot. Moreso than the adventure, which is quite capable, and seems like it would fit within 32 pages (unlike the prior two that I read). I’d be tempted to just chuck the adventure and tell you to write up the Dominion.
Overall, decent. While it didn’t make me go “Oh my god, great idea” too often (Dominion notwithstanding), you had a cohesive, tight adventure summary.
For purposes of this review, I did not read any other comments.
Would I like it as a player - The first bit yes, the rest no.
Would I run it as a GM - With some alterations, yes.
Would I pay money for it - If you just had the hook on the back of the adventure, probably. That said, I would have been disappointed after reading it through.
2/3
You probably have the best plot hook of the 4 here and I honestly found it the easiest to read of the bunch as well.
But really I was waiting for the kicker and it never really came. A eclipse that does not end - such a great start and you have a lot of ways to go with it. Unfortunately it seemed a predictable and uninspired for the most part. As a player playing it I think I would enjoy the first bit quite a bit, but quickly get bored with the theme and eventually I would just be going through the motions.
As a DM I would consider running it but I would likely modify the 'go get the key' over all theme. Instead I would make the 'key' something non-tangible like 'Humility' and direct the PCs to the various sources of wisdom to figure out what exactly they need to bing to the table to stop this thing (and the answer would be Humility enough to ask anyone and everyone for help, thus awaken a sleeping sun god or whatever). Anyhow, just my take on it.
I like this one, very I3-5 in its feel. The "desert, but always dark" imagery is cool and the bit of Cthulhu thrown in is always fun.
I do have a couple concerns - something like "the sun not coming back" seems like it would attract more than some random L8 adventurers. Also, it seems a little linear/railroady. Some of the quests appear a little contrived - "go kill some behirs for us" is the trigger for many PC groups I've been in to kill the jann instead. "You're in the Monster Manual too b+!@*es, come across with the info."
Also, it seems a bit long for a 32-pager, too many encounter locations.
Rob, I read the entries differently from many who've posted responses. An industry that wants to reach new players should encourage work like "Twilight of the Phoenix." Not all of us have been there and done that.
In response to the concern that your proposal is a bit much for a 32-page adventure, better that than a paucity of content.
Reading your proposal was a pleasure!
The initial hook is awesome and very mythic in tone, but I'm having a hard time seeing why the players are getting involved. From the initial description this sounds like something out of an 8th level party's league.
Getting into the meat of the adventure I am rather underwhelmed. You hit all the big desert adventure tropes but there is also a good deal of seemingly pointless busywork involved, complete with undead-filled-tower of a guy who was probably living here just a week ago, which for some reason seems to suffer from load-bearing-boss syndrome. I kinda feel like this would have played out better if the PC's were given the option of which piece to go after next after acquiring the first.
It also hurts that the entire adventure had me constantly fighting off a serious case of deja vu for Diablo 2's second act. It had a desert themed fetch megaquest about searching multiple locations to find and reassemble a magic staff (which also functioned separately as magic items) in a race against extraplanar evil, including at one point facing off with a cult that blacks out the sun.
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aka Robert G. McCreary
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Thanks to the judges and everyone else for their comments, critiques, and votes, not only this round but all the previous rounds as well. Please continue with your comments and questions, which I will do my best to explain and answer when voting is over.
This has been an amazingly fun learning experience, and I hope I'm able to show you more of what I can do in the future.
So come on all you Osirion-loving gamers out there - VOTE for Twilight of the Phoenix!
Post got eaten a second before I remembered to ctrl-C it. Here it is again.
So I'm reading this thinking this is definitely not someone that is new to the game. "Egg of the Phoenix", "Rod of Many Parts", "Desert of Desolation", the only thing is that I don't see anything new or creative added. Plus I'm pretty turned off by anything settings that use real world cultures so completely.
It was very readable and I liked the hag bounty hunter and the cinematic ending. I would have maybe let the PC's face one of the big guys and realize that they're out of their league (maybe kill of a pc) before the Phoenix shows up.
This is the first entry that I read so I'm hoping I enjoy the others more.
Methodology
I decided to read the entries in reverse order of my past appreciation of the contestant's work. I went this route because I wanted to give each author a chance to impress me before I read work by the others with whom I had been more impressed in the past. After my first pass, I returned to each in order, from best to ... least (none of these are even remotely "worst") and then read what the judges and others had to say.
Critique
Rob:
Given that I've been your self-proclaimed cheerleader since after the 4th round, I read your entry last and gave all the others the chance to impress me first.
Right off the bat, I liked your title, but that's mostly because I have a particular fondness for the Phoenix - back in the day of 300 Baud dial-up BBS forums (am I dating myself too badly here?) I regularly went by the handle "Phoenix". Then I found that your adventure was for level 8 and that was just plain AWESOME - I've never run or played in a campaign past the level 12 range and prefer to pick up adventures in the 7-10 range. With everyone else turning in proposals for higher levels, this was right up my alley.
An eclipse that won't go away, alien invaders, a multi-part magic item that must be collected and an ancient magical power that must be re-awakened in order to break the eclipse and undo any attack. This I want to run as a DM - it's expansive and has a good reason to send the PCs to different areas and, ergo, gives the DM a good reason to throw them into several encounters in a variety of different environments and situations. It would be fun to be a PC too, but running this would be a blast.
I can't agree with Clark that it is "uninspired" and "been there done that". Yes, it uses several "classic" (or "cliched" if you must) elements but it ties them together in a way that seemed exciting and playable to me. And some of the new monsters are inspired - cephalopodic winged crustaceans with tentacles. C'mon. That's just brilliant!
I do agree, however, that the ending is a bit "Meh", since the Phoeneix is responsible for taking out "the really big bad", leaving the PC's to deal with the "the smaller bad". I'd definitely like to see this changed to give the PC's a bigger role in the final showdown. I rather liked what Set suggested, making the Phoenix more of a primal force that must be unleashed to open up the exclipse, and the Dwellers in Darkness are the real "Big Bad" that the PCs must still crush.
In the end you've earned the Gold Medal and get my vote.
I do have to be honest, however, and admit that it was a verrrrry close call between you and Jason. I honestly gave his entry some serious thought, but it's high level (17th) and the strength of your earlier work were enough to keep the balance in your favour.
Having said all that, I suspect Christine is actually going to snag the RPG Superstar title based on the comments I've seen so far. Nevertheless, congratulations on being in the top 99.5th percentile of RPG Adventure Designers and I hope you do something about getting this adventure published by someone!
I liked it. The egyptian theme has always been one of my favorites. Good work.
RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka JoelF847
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While I liked your proposal, and it had some great elements, I don't think it lived up to its potential. There seemed to be too many fights which either didn't really fit into the story, or would be too repetitive. At each location, the party has to fight not only the local guardian creatures, but also the cult of night/darkness trying to stop them. It would have been cool to mix it up a bit, and have the ability to go after the items in any order, and have the first one have guardian creatures to deal with, and completely beat the bad guys to the locale, have the second location be guardians followed by a bad guy ambush since they got there too late, and the third location have the PCs arrive too late, have the bad guys already with the item and beaten the guardians, and have to ambush them for a change.
I also was pretty mystified about why the sage's tower self-destructs after taking the first piece. Why would he trap his home in a way that would destroy it? He wasn't planning on dying on his quest, and I'm sure he'd want to have a roof over his head afterwards.
Criticisms aside, I DID like your overall adventure, and think that the repetitiveness in the middle combined by the overall length could easily have been handled simultaneously by cutting out one of the artifacts.
As for the criticism that others have raise about not being fun to have the PCs summon the phoenix which actually saves the day, I actually like that ending as a bit of variety, instead of having the PCs ALWAYS directly kill the baddies, in this case they're 8th level, and couldn't. If 20th level characters were in this adventure, they could handle it themselves, but I think it's pretty cool to summon a "Godzilla" powered creature and have it kick some Nightshade ass in the final scene. An even better way to tie in the fight with the Dwellers in the Darkness could be to have one PC activate the staff, summon the phoenix, and then go into a trance like state while that PC actually controls the phoenix during its fight against the Nightshade, and the rest of the PCs have to defend the summoner from attacks by the Dwellers in the Darkness, who are trying to disrupt the control of the Phoenix.
You would have gotten my second vote if I had two, narrowly edging out Boomer, since I think your proposal can be made to fit into a good 32 page adventure, while his would have to be trimmed to fit into a 3 parter!
RPG Superstar 2013
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka Steven T. Helt
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This is the second adventure I read, so I don't kow where my vote lies yet.
One thing I look for in adventures is great cinema: can these scenes unfold in the minds of players and create the same thing that I see?
Twilight of the Pheonix would be one of the most cinematic adventures I have seen, with a setting you don't see every day, a high-speed romp across a desert nation in total darkness, vampires who get to come out during the day, a Rod of Four Parts, etc. The eclipse is a dramatic and cinematic beginning, the exploding Pheonix is a dramatic and satisfying conclusion.
Other great moments include a glass tower collapsing into sand and a conversation with an enormous, all-wise Sphinx. I agree that you don't want to make the PCs seem small during the adventure, but when the end of the world is at stake, I think players expect to see some pretty big guns come out for both sides. Standing before the awesome Sphinx makes for great roleplay. Keeping the panoply safe from the Dominion of the Black while the Phoenix battles the nightshades, that's a good combat, with brief scenes of the far off Pheonix immolating the nighwing in midair, and then returning to a cliff or dune battle against the flying octopi. I would worry that at 12th or 13th level, the PCs might try to take on the nightwing (and probably succeed) or nightwalker (at which point you can let them know what happened after they died).
There's not enough done with the Dominion of the Black, but could a clever DM turn that into a good thing? Sometimes what players assume is worse than what they actually see. By not statting them or featuring them, they might be scarier. The PCs could fight the nightwing instead, and they'd likely assume that failure means the world will be full of nightshades. That's pretty scary!
I think this adventure risks going over 32 pages, but I thnk that can be edited. You have a fast-paced, fun adventure that would make great memories for anyone who played it. Great job.
I think this was one of the better put-together of the proposals, but in my mind it suffered from three defects (not that it was necessarily alone in that regard):
1. The gigantic deus ex machinae at the end. I hate this sort of thing, both as a player and as a DM. This is a game, so it's important to remember that the players are the center of the game. In a long-running campaign it's okay to have something come in and save the day (especially if it's the characters asking for it), but in general it's a bad idea.
2. The egyptian look and feel. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, it's popular. But there will be a big chunk of people (like me) that go "An Egyptian-themed adventure? Next." I might pull out pieces of it if it were handed to me (some of the creatures, most likely) but I wouldn't buy it.
3. Too much stuff. The stuff there was cool, but not all of it was directly related to the plot. I write a lot of events that run at cons, and if it's in there, it better be related to the plot or you probably won't be finishing on schedule. I suspect that writing a GameMastery module is very similar.
However, this was one of the ones that appealed the most to me, overall, as a strong submission - it was laid out well, it clearly identified all of the pieces, and it was not overly politico-sociological or stream-of-consciousness heavy. You Know Who You Are :)
If Christine weren't in this contest, you'd probably get my vote, ironically, even though I'd have no intent to buy the module, because I think it was the second-best put together entry. I'd just hope that in the future we'd get off the whole Egyptian kick.
a good adventure proposal for sure ... there is some nice stuff in there, I really like the adventure hook and the collapsing tower part and the sphinx part. Overall it is somewhat linear though and the end comes off somewhat anti-climactic on paper ... it would probably be fun to play though but some more involvement of the players in the outcome besides calling forth the Phoenix would be nice. Overall a solid story and a good job.
Wow. Saving the world at lvl 8!
Ok, I would break this into 3 adventures - for starters. Second, I'm thinking I would replace all the "normal" abnormalities the PCs encounter with these ... otherworldly things.
In fact, I'm thinking *I* would change things up a tad - have the Zon-Kuthon cult having performed a vast ritual to summon the dark nasties. As a result, certain baddies have begun the process of being taken over by the Dominion. Everything the PCs encounter display Dominion-inspired abnormalities, getting progressively nastier as the characters progress.
Lots of great potential here - but it is waaaay more than a single 32-pg adventure.
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aka Robert G. McCreary
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Once again, and for the last time, it's time for comments. As usual, thanks to everyone for taking the time to read my entries and comment, and a special thanks to those who voted for them. This truly has been an amazing, educational, and fun experience for me.
But on to Twilight of the Phoenix!
To address some comments:
I hate Egyptian settings!
To begin, this was written as a sequel to Paizo's wonderful J1: Entombed with the Pharaohs. That's the reason for setting it in Osirion, and for placing it at 8th level - I was designing it to follow right behind J1. Without giving away any spoilers, Twilight of the Phoenix was an attempt to pick up the threads left after J1, particularly the adventure hooks written in the "Aucturn Enigma" sidebar. The Dominions of the Black was taken from there, and the never-ending eclipse was a reference to the darkness that covered all of Golarion in the past.
So while I understand the Egyptian setting might not be to everyone's taste, as Erik said, J1 has been one of Paizo's best-selling GameMastery modules and I was attempting to capitalize on that fandom. At the time, "Entombed with the Pharaohs" was leading the Which GameMastery sequel do you want? poll (though it has since been overtaken by D1 Crown of the Kobold King).
You've got way too many encounters for a 32-page module!
I have to disagree here, but then, I've never actually written a 32-page adventure before. But I did calculate the number of encounters based on a post made by James Jacobs during the GameMastery Open Call.
500 words per encounter remains a pretty good rough estimate method for an adventure. Check out, for example, Seven Swords of Sin. It's got 36 encounters, so that'd be 18,000 words right there, which leaves only 4,000 words for introduction, sidebars, new monsters, and the appendix.
Works pretty good for Crown of the Kobold King too: The dungeon has 33 encounters, for an estimate of 16,500 words. There's also another 2,000 words or so spread out over the wilderness encounters, though, once again leaving us about 4,000 words for the rest of the adventure.
It's probably best to limit yourself to about 35 encounters for a 32 page adventure, in any case. Leave yourself a little bit more elbow room for unanticipated extra stuff, and when you're drawing your maps, remember that if you have more than 35 rooms, you'll be locking yourself in to a too-big setup.
Assuming 500 words, I planned 35 encounters, for a total of 17,500 words, which would still leave 3500 words for additional material. In point of fact, the proposal itself only mentions 21 encounters, for a total of 10,500 words, only half of the module's total word count. And keep in mind most of the encounters are bog-standard SRD, which don't need a stat block, just a reference to the MM.
So I have to say that I think this would fit into a 32-page module, unless all of the prior assumptions are wrong. :)
The Phoenix is deus ex machina!
I have to disagree here as well, though I can understand why it seems this way. Once the PCs recover the entire panoply, they should know that they can summon the phoenix. In order to do the legendary creature justice, it has to be much more powerful than the party. Its main role is to end the eclipse; the nightshades are there to force the PCs to use the staff to summon the phoenix. Otherwise, they might decide to just hold on to it and the DM is left with an 11th-level party holding a major artifact. (Actually, this was something I debated putting in the proposal: is the staff destroyed when the phoenix is summoned? I ultimately decided to leave it up to the DM if they wanted their players to have an artifact at this point or not, something that would have been spelled out in the final module.)
In addition, the nightshades are like Hannibal's elephants (or the Oliphaunts in The Return the King): big, scary war machines, but there's only two of them. The real threat is the hordes of Dwellers in the Darkness that will come pouring through the portal, and that is who the PCs must face. The nightshades are war machines, the Dwellers are the generals. The PCs have their own war machine (the phoenix) to take on the enemy war machines, but its up to the PCs themselves to stop the masterminds behind the invasion.
How can you go from 8th to 11th level in one adventure?!
This is related to the number of encounters above. I actually planned all 35 encounters in the adventure, and figured out the average XP for each encounter for a standard 4 character party. By my calculations, the party would reach 9th level during the Oasis of the Four Winds, hit 10th after finishing the Fane of the Forgotten Faith, and ending up at 11th level after defeating the Dwellers in the Darkness at the end.
Is this too much advancement? U1 Gallery of Evil starts at 8th level and finishes at 10th, so my proposal isn't too far off. And if some encounters were removed to address the "too many encounters" concern, it might very well end up at 10th by the end of the module.
It's also worth noting that the encounters as planned are spread over a variety of difficulties, as described in the DMG: some encounters would be less difficult, with an EL below the party's level, and some would be more difficult, with a higher EL, and therefore more XP. But the end result would be the same: 11th level at the end, if the party meets and overcomes every encounter; otherwise, they would probably end at 10th.
Thanks again for reading, and I'll address some specific comments in smaller posts. Feel free to ask other questions as well; I'll do my best to answer them!
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aka Robert G. McCreary
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I really, really knee-jerk against any 'adventure' where I fight to the end and then get to watch an NPC handle the work while I battle some mooks, or, worse, stand and watch.
I'd ditch the Nightwhatevers, and have the Phoenix be less a creature and more a primal force that is sent up into the sky to end the eclipse. The portal / conjunction / unwholesome closeness to that Other Place is already open, however, and the party has to fight the Dwellers in Darkness (which sound a lot cooler than those weird undead I don't think I've ever seen used) while the 'phoenix' does it's thing and closes the portal. More 'macguffin,' less 'NPC.'
I agree, and I viewed the Phoenix as a more primal force, but I don't think I made it clear enough in the proposal. The Dwellers in the Darkness are the real bad guys that the PCs must defeat. The nightshades are there to give the phoenix something to do while the PCs finish off the real baddies.
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aka Robert G. McCreary
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Sand elementals? Erm. What’s elemental about sand? It’s fused stone. Glass or rock honed down to tiny little grains. Okay, that’s a quibble.
Sand elementals are taken from J1: Entombed with the Pharaohs. They were mentioned in passing in that module, and I used them because I designed Twilight of the Phoenix as a sequel to that module. But really, I just viewed them as earth elementals (though I was considering adding the Dust Creature template from Advanced Bestiary).
The Dominion of the Black intrigues me a lot. Moreso than the adventure, which is quite capable, and seems like it would fit within 32 pages (unlike the prior two that I read). I’d be tempted to just chuck the adventure and tell you to write up the Dominion.
The Dominions of the Black was taken from J1 as well, again mentioned in passing as an adventure hook. But I'd love to write up something on just the Dominions and the Dwellers in the Darkness!
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aka Robert G. McCreary
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I like this one, very I3-5 in its feel. The "desert, but always dark" imagery is cool and the bit of Cthulhu thrown in is always fun.
I do have a couple concerns - something like "the sun not coming back" seems like it would attract more than some random L8 adventurers.
Since this was designed as a sequel, the L8 adventurers are already in Osirion. And there isn't time to "attract" more powerful adventurers - the eclipse is already in progress, and it needs to be stopped NOW, before the Dwellers in Darkness show up in force.
Also, it seems a little linear/railroady. Some of the quests appear a little contrived - "go kill some behirs for us" is the trigger for many PC groups I've been in to kill the jann instead. "You're in the Monster Manual too b**%~es, come across with the info."
Nothing says the PCs can't kill the jann. But every encounter in a published adventure assumes certain actions on the part of the PCs, be it combat, negotiation, or what-have-you. It's impossible to write an encounter that addresses every possible player action. You design it for one particular type of play, and if the players "go off the rails," so to speak, it's up to the DM to modify the adventure and wing it.
In fact, as proposed, there's no real need for the PCs to kill the behirs. But if they do, they find the brass sphinx, which makes the later encounter with the Golden Sphinx easier. But it is by no means required.
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aka Robert G. McCreary
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The initial hook is awesome and very mythic in tone, but I'm having a hard time seeing why the players are getting involved. From the initial description this sounds like something out of an 8th level party's league.
See my post above.
Getting into the meat of the adventure I am rather underwhelmed. You hit all the big desert adventure tropes but there is also a good deal of seemingly pointless busywork involved, complete with undead-filled-tower of a guy who was probably living here just a week ago, which for some reason seems to suffer from load-bearing-boss syndrome.
I'm not sure what you mean by "load-bearing-boss syndrome." But the tower is located in an undead-infested valley, and with no daylight to restrict their movement, the undead are out in force. And they're in the tower because the intelligent undead want to see what the wizard has been up to. Now that he's gone, it's the first place to start building your own undead power base.
I kinda feel like this would have played out better if the PC's were given the option of which piece to go after next after acquiring the first.
Unfortunately, I think very few published adventures have such an open-ended setup, because it's too hard to address party EL. For example, if the PCs go to the Oasis first, it should have EL8 encounters. If they show up once they're L10, the encounters are too easy. If they head to the Tomb at L8, and the encounters are designed for L10, you have a TPK. So you have to set up a progression, IMO.
It also hurts that the entire adventure had me constantly fighting off a serious case of deja vu for Diablo 2's second act. It had a desert themed fetch megaquest about searching multiple locations to find and reassemble a magic staff (which also functioned separately as magic items) in a race against extraplanar evil, including at one point facing off with a cult that blacks out the sun.
Sounds like a case of parallel development. I've never played Diablo 2. And as mentioned previously, the proposal was based on J1 and tales of a world-spanning darkness in Golarion's history.
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aka Robert G. McCreary
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I also was pretty mystified about why the sage's tower self-destructs after taking the first piece. Why would he trap his home in a way that would destroy it? He wasn't planning on dying on his quest, and I'm sure he'd want to have a roof over his head afterwards.
That's a good point. It was supposed to be a cool and cinematic trap that the players wouldn't expect. Also, what's more important - saving your house or protecting a powerful (and needed) artifact form those who would misuse it? But you could always say the wizard is powerful enough to rebuild his tower when needed. ;)
An even better way to tie in the fight with the Dwellers in the Darkness could be to have one PC activate the staff, summon the phoenix, and then go into a trance like state while that PC actually controls the phoenix during its fight...
That's a really cool idea, and would really add something to the final encounter. Great thinking!
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aka Robert G. McCreary
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If you could have lost one of those 'stages' to your assemble the artifac quest, by almagamating it with another encounter, or scrubbing it altogether, I think that you might have made it a lot closer to 32 pages and making my final choice more difficult for me.
Couldn't you have wrapped the sphinx into another location?
Technically, the Sphinx is tied to another location: she guards the Gates of the Dawn, which are the entrance to the Valley of Blue Sand, where the Tomb of the Resplendent Phoenix is located. Basically you talk to the Sphinx, head into the valley (maybe fight a few wandering monsters) and go straight to the tomb.
That said, there might be too many stages. I originally started with only 3 items, but increased it to 4 for two related reasons:
1. A "standard" party is 4 characters, and each piece of the panoply fits one type of character: the cleric gets the sunfire medallion, the fighter gets the phoenix tail flail, the crook of solar splendor helps a sorcerer or bard, and the crown of fiery sight is for the wizard. (Ok, so there's nothing for the rogue. Too bad.)
2. If the DM doesn't want the party to have a powerful artifact (the burning phoenix staff) at the end, it can break into its constituent parts again, and the party has the individual items as their reward, one for each character.
That was my reasoning anyway. But yeah, I suppose you could remove one item, and the leftover character gets the phoenix feather cloak.
Eff the hatas! Great idea, vote cast.
Rob, my players have recently started nosing about the idea of a Central American style setting/campaign. Bits and pieces of Twilight started clicking into place and some possible adjustments started presenting themselves.
Bottom line - I might borrow a lot of your basis and rework it into a Mayan-style setting! That oughta show that WereLeopard Scout a thing or three! (actually, he'd bloody LOVE it!)
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aka Robert G. McCreary
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Rob, my players have recently started nosing about the idea of a Central American style setting/campaign. Bits and pieces of Twilight started clicking into place and some possible adjustments started presenting themselves.
Bottom line - I might borrow a lot of your basis and rework it into a Mayan-style setting! That oughta show that WereLeopard Scout a thing or three! (actually, he'd bloody LOVE it!)
HA! It's all owned by Paizo now! I'm out of the loop! ;)
Seriously, I'm glad to hear someone can get some use out of it. The desert setting was chosen only to follow the Entombed with the Pharaohs module. I think it would work just as well in any setting.
When you make your changes and play through it, I'd love to hear how it went!
I was rooting for you, Rob. Great job with the contest!
**hurriedly files off serial numbers then begins whistling innocently**
RPGSuperstar 2011 Round 5 Calibration Post:
(Statement)
(opening question)
No. The premise is that the Church of Sarenrae 'hires' a band of adventurers to engage with events. The crusading holier-than-thou-looking-down-our-noses-at-you attitude of a lot of Sarenrae clerics tends to annoy most succubi, even when those clerics are offering them cash to go out and run errands for them. Whilst B might overlook her prejudices for pure cash, given the mission at hand effectively offers her license to add to her collection of antiquities without official fuss, and C might be on the fence given her personal conflicts, A and D are not going to go along with things without a good deal of additional inducement - such as the heads of several annoying Asmodeus cultists on silver plates.
(general comment)
Being ambushed by Zon Kuthon cultists is likely to put the four in a foul mood for the rest of the mission, with a tendency to kill things with extreme prejudice.
Finding that the sage they've been sent to consult isn't at home but that a bunch of undead have moved into his tower is to be frank likely to send them back to their putative employers to renegotiate and haggle over the price again and require the demise of further Asmodeus cultists. They're highly unlikely to be stupid enough to loot his vault for any items though.
Following the sage to the oasis only to discover that he was there, but failed to retrieve the item he'd gone there to retrieve is likely to convince them that they're dealing with a bunch on inadequate amateurs. At this point the four are likely to loose their patience with the 'wild dretch hunt'. They will sort out the jann problems (that might provide useful social connections) but after that they will short-cut the rest of the mission by arranging some sacrifices to get the attention of an abyssal lord capable of sorting things out, instead of messing around wasting any more time chasing after the sage or phoenix staff.
(concluding question)
The situation that the faithful of a sun goddess, Sarenrae, were unable to resolve the situation themselves, but were obliged to call in a quartet of succubi who followed things up for a time before short-cutting and calling in a demon lord (possibly Flauros) to literally 'save the day' is likely to substantially impact Osiriani culture and society.
Rating:
A dozen cultists of Asmodeus plus the hundred souls that Flauros demanded (at the very least) to step in and clear up.
Anyone whom the assumption was that the adventurers were supposed to 'rescue' after the oasis can also be considered incidental casualties, as in this case, the party never got to them.
The faith of Sarenrae in Osirion could also be considered a partial casualty of the whole debacle.