The Moji Movie (obscure foreign language film + sexy youth comedy + med-fi historical edutainment + villain played by Shakespeare veteran who is actually way the hell above movie's league + gratuitous and misguided guilt-porn + wacky sidekicks + random weird CGI sequences = OSCAR GOLD!!!)
NB: That's more like Middle English at best, if not Early-Modern English. Old English is best exemplified by:
Beywulf (a provincial governor from 15th-Century Ottoman Turkey suddenly finds himself in Ancient Albion, becomes a mighty king there after defeating various monsters by using his "Arabian Nights-meets-A Connecticut Yankee In King Arthur's Court"-type gimmicks)
CUE (starring Tim Curry, and featuring Martin Mull as 1-ball, Leslie Ann Warren as 2-ball, Christopher Lloyd as 4-ball, Eileen Brennan as 5-ball, Michael McKean as 6-ball, and Madeline Kahn as 8-ball)
STAR TREK: The Potion Picture (Because of course you want to see Alan Rickman as Spock/Leonard Nimoy as Snape!)
STAR TREK: The Wrath of Chan (This one has more and better fight scenes, and a long blooper reel at the end!)
STAR TREK: These Arch for Spock (More than you EVER wanted to know about Federation podiatric technology and shoe fashion...EVER.)
STAR TREK: The Voyage Homer (The Odyssey...IN...SPAAACE!!!)
STAR TREK: The Final Front-Ear (The crew races to prevent the total genocide of an alien race with the g~$*%+n silliest forehead-makeup in the history of the franchise!)
STAR TREK: The Undiscovered Count Ra (Crossover-fic hardcores, your wish has been granted: Star Trek-meets-Stargate!)
Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Mope Who's this Skywalker jag-off?
Star Wars: Episode V: The Empire Strikes Black Darth Vader is one bad motherf- HUSH YO' MOUTH! I'm just talkin' 'bout Vader!
Star Wars: Episode VI: Return of the Judi The internationally esteemed actress and British national treasure plays a sterner, more authoritarian Princess Leia.
Star Wars: Episode I: The Phandom Menace Christ on a handtruck: these nerds are PISSED!
Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Crones The Star Wars/Golden Girls crossover you never knew you always wanted!
Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Smith What can stop the Emperor's rise to power? Nothing less than a sack from legendary defensive end and Police Academy Alum Bubba Smith. He'll hit Palpatine so hard, he won't know what Side he is on!
Star Wars: Episode VII: The Force Aweakens Find out why Jedi were so bad ass forty years ago, but struggle to lift rocks today!
Star Wars: Episode VIII: The Cast Jedi The nerds are back, and they are cheesed off about how many women and POC are in "their" movies!
Brogue One: Och, S'nother Bloody Starrrr-Scrappin' Flickie, Innit?! (starring Ewan McGregor Ian McDarmid, Ian McKellen, Sean Connery, Karen Gillan, Tilda Swinton, Billy Boyd, Robbie Coltrane, Peter Capaldi, Annie Lennox, a very special cameo by Colin Mochrie as 'The Hopping Woman', and fanservice provided by a sparsely-dressed bounty hunter with custom "lightdagger gauntlets" who, despite attempts to make her over as one of the same species as Darth Maul, is quite obviously Annah from PLANESCAPE: Torment)
Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Mope Who's this Skywalker jag-off?
Star Wars: Episode V: The Empire Strikes Black Darth Vader is one bad motherf- HUSH YO' MOUTH! I'm just talkin' 'bout Vader!
Star Wars: Episode VI: Return of the Judi The internationally esteemed actress and British national treasure plays a sterner, more authoritarian Princess Leia.
Star Wars: Episode I: The Phandom Menace Christ on a handtruck: these nerds are PISSED!
Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Crones The Star Wars/Golden Girls crossover you never knew you always wanted!
Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Smith What can stop the Emperor's rise to power? Nothing less than a sack from legendary defensive end and Police Academy Alum Bubba Smith. He'll hit Palpatine so hard, he won't know what Side he is on!
Star Wars: Episode VII: The Force Aweakens Find out why Jedi were so bad ass forty years ago, but struggle to lift rocks today!
Star Wars: Episode VIII: The Cast Jedi The nerds are back, and they are cheesed off about how many women and POC are in "their" movies!
Actually, they are pissed that their ships and head cannon were ignored last time.
Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Mope Who's this Skywalker jag-off?
Star Wars: Episode V: The Empire Strikes Black Darth Vader is one bad motherf- HUSH YO' MOUTH! I'm just talkin' 'bout Vader!
Star Wars: Episode VI: Return of the Judi The internationally esteemed actress and British national treasure plays a sterner, more authoritarian Princess Leia.
Star Wars: Episode I: The Phandom Menace Christ on a handtruck: these nerds are PISSED!
Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Crones The Star Wars/Golden Girls crossover you never knew you always wanted!
Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Smith What can stop the Emperor's rise to power? Nothing less than a sack from legendary defensive end and Police Academy Alum Bubba Smith. He'll hit Palpatine so hard, he won't know what Side he is on!
Star Wars: Episode VII: The Force Aweakens Find out why Jedi were so bad ass forty years ago, but struggle to lift rocks today!
Star Wars: Episode VIII: The Cast Jedi The nerds are back, and they are cheesed off about how many women and POC are in "their" movies!
Actually, they are pissed that their ships and head cannon were ignored last time.
utter derail:
While I'm a fan of the Extended Universe, it would have been a neutral reaction for the most part, like force awakens was. Except for the part where it clearly shows the hyperdrive can be used for ramming (as opposed to exiting main space to, i don't know, enter hyperspace or something?). This immediately raises the question of how any major population centre is still standing with the ability of just about anybody to cause massive destruction by accidentally (or deliberately) steering into the ground.
As an example, the Saturn 5 apparently weighed 6.5 million pounds. If we accelerate it to 0.9c, we get an energy of 4.9*10^23 J, only one order of magnitude short of the highest metric prefix. Apparently, this is pretty close to the impact that took out the dinosaurs. And you can bet that Star Wars has bigger things to throw than the Saturn 5.
The worst part? The ship used as a projectile isn't torn apart on impact. So if you drove a ship into the ground, it would definitely produce a crater as it forces rock out of the way instead of just producing a very squished spaceship wreckage. Frankly, it might as well obsolesce the death star: just strap cheap freighter engines to some asteroids and dump enough to render a planet uninhabitable.
One one hand: you are correct. That is bad science. People do not know how serious the energy that solid matter travelling at near-C speeds would produce, and so screenwriters (if they even know) downplay it.
I was part of a discussion the other day in which I explained how a mass driver would do far more damage than any pure energy weapon this side of a nuclear weapon ever could (and that, at a large enough scale, a mass driver could dwarf even that).
On the other hand: space wizards with laser swords.
Into the Siderverse - Taste-testers from various dimensions tackle the variety of ciders (spelled siders in the the host dimension) from around the multiverse.
Captain Mavel - hero of hydroelectric power
Ant-Man and the WASP - Scott Lang has to fit in with Connecticut High Society
Maters of the Universe - The love story between an Eternian king and an American astronaut that led to the births of Adam and Adora.
The Codfather - the unseemly underbelly of New England fisheries.
The Wizard of OS - Dorothy gets uploaded into the mainframe, along with her playlist of 80's pop rock songs...
The Thighlander (She's immortal, and she has perfect legs! Will any of the men she meets win "The Prize"?)
A Ren-Faire-sized drumstick?
GoatToucher wrote:
Ay!-liens (Xenomorphs say "Sit on it!" to 1950's era space marines.)
"Crew-Cuts And Turtle Wax FOR THE EMPEROR!"
Al-Admin (the magical tale of a stodgy, nondescript, middle-class Arab-American boy whose discovery of a treasure unlike any other - a CS degree from an obscure but respected college - takes him to a whole familiar world of glamorless comfort as a middle-manager at an IT company)
My Fear Lady (The Joker teams up with The Scarecrow to bring Harley Quinn back to the side of proper psychotic villainy, and not just this 'I'm a sympathetic borderline-Mary-Sue antihero' kick she's apparently been on for a few years now)
Oh, Gad! (The bespectacled character actor and voice of Disney's Olaf stars in this comedy of errors.)
Ponce Bitten (A renowned Spanish explorer finds that the fabled "Fountain of Youth" is not what he expected.)
Ernest Goes Too Camp (A documentary: Jim Varney's signature character was a family film staple, but was his adventure on Mykonos in "Ernest Gets Hot" more than his audience was willing to tolerate?)
The Shallots: A mere 200 yards from shore, surfer Nancy is attacked by a great red onion, with her short journey to safety becoming the ultimate contest of wills.
RoboFop (aristocracy and proper form are brought to the mean streets of near-future Detroit in the form of a tea-sandwich-powered, pantaloon-sporting cyborg)
Lack Panther - There are no panthers in this film.
Captain America: the Furst Avenger - They'll pay for what they did to Vir!
Captain America: Winter Solder - The electronic games they bought the kids at the rec center for Christmas are faulty! Time to repair them.
Captain America: Civil Car - If you guys can make it to Nana's without arguing, we'll pick up some McDonalds on the way back.
Dr. Strangle - He can't use his hands so well anymore, so the master of the mystic arts has to find other ways to heighten his onanistic endeavors.
Thor: the Dank World - Verily, my friends, we shall blaze it!
Iron Can (an 8-hour Luxembourgian experimental film that literally focuses on a rusted, unopened can of rations left behind by Napoleon's army as it sits in a ditch; perfectly combines all the action of Proust's Remembrance of Things Past, all the mirth of Ellison's "I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream", all the levity of Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle, and all the raw carnality of Pixar's "Luxo Jr"!)
