Staff of Perfect Harmony
Aura: Strong Abjuration; CL13th
Slot None; Price 53,000 gp; Weight 8 lbs.
Description
This +2 quarterstaff is made from entwined darkwood and ivory, capped on each end with a warding palm made of electrum.
As long as the wielder holds the quarterstaff of perfect harmony they can as an immediate free action use it to deflect ray spells that would normally strike the wielder.
If the wielder has either a ki or arcane pool they may use one point from that pool and an attack of opportunity to reflect the hostile spell back at the caster.
With 2 points of ki or arcane they can as a swift action dispell magic on a target struck with the quarterstaff of perfect harmony using the staff’s CL of 13 and the wielder’s Wis or Int modifier.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Deflect Arrows, dispell magic, spell turning ; Cost 26,500 gp
Redesign Notes:
I wanted something MORE monk. You bring a name like this and make the creator have monk levels then basically give a barbarian rage power in a can. The design space of weapon foiling spell was a bit overdone in season 8 and you might have suffered for that.
I took your idea and respun it as something that I think achieves a little more balance and twists the spells in a can effects in a different direction. Mainly I wanted resource management to be a part of this and it now makes a fine weapon for a monk or a staff master archetype magus.
It's still not Superstar and I didn't bother mucking with the price but it is closer.
Cloak of Nine Lives:Cloak of Nine Lives
Aura faint transmutation; CL 5th
Slot shoulders; Cost 4,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.Description
This thick silk cloak is well crafted, with simple but elegantly stitched silver embroidery around the edges. The large, black shaded hood is adorned with nine intricately embroidered feline eyes, in various states of pupil dilation.
As long as the cloak holds its enchantment, all rolls to confirm critical hits against the wearer must roll twice and take the worst result. Each time a critical hit against the wearer fails to confirm, one embroidered eye closes. Additionally, when the wearer would be subject to falling damage, the first damage die is negated and each remaining die is converted to non-lethal damage, up to the number of open eyes on the hood. One embroidered eye closes for each die of damage negated or converted. The cloak cannot convert more damage dice than available open eyes.
The enchantment of the cloak goes dormant when all nine eyes have closed. When the wearer has rested for 8 hours, all closed eyes re-open. The rest does not need to be consecutive.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, cat’s grace, feather fall; Cost 2,000 gp
Pit Crew Style Feedback:
1) This is tough to price but I'd call it on the order of a Fortification mod which is a +3 modifier which is 9k just for the modifier. This also should have a boots of the cat price adjustment which would bring you to about 10k but I'd price at about 12k to be safe. I know more than a few votes felt your were under costing this by a lot.
2) kill the 8 hr recharge and make it like normal rest.
3) Crazy idea time to give it something different maybe when it's worn with boots of the cat you get a stealth modifier as you become lighter on your feet and if an eye is open. Perception bonus would also make a sort of sense...
Overall I liked this a bunch it was easily one of my favorite cloaks and a top 100 contender for me but the price was a bit whack.
Have at.
Slot none; Price 32,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
Hewn of green poplar threaded with gold, this +2 seeking longbow evokes the rare green beacon which appears in the last moments before sunset, allowing the bearer to harness this mystical viridescence to strike her foes on the distant horizon. When the bow is drawn, the threads of gold in the wood glow brightly before fading, echoing the sun’s last rays. If the bow is drawn in a dim area, the bearer is granted low light vision; bearers who already possess this ability have their low light vision range doubled.
Once per day, as a standard action, the bow can be used to make a single ranged attack against one opponent outside of the bow’s first range increment at a +20 insight bonus, ignoring all but total cover. If hit, the target becomes wreathed in green faerie fire and is considered to be within the bow’s first range increment as long as the bearer is able to see them. The faerie fire lasts for one hour or until dispelled and the bearer ignores all but total cover when firing on the target.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, faerie fire, longshot, true seeing, true strike; Cost 16,000 gp
If you would be so kind :) ...
Aura weak transmutation; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 3500 gp; Weight —
Description
This innocuous item is an elegant ribbon of any color, of the type used to hold one’s place in an expensive tome. It may be used as a mundane bookmark without its magic being drained.
To use, the bookmark is placed between the blank pages of a book and activated. It is then removed and placed between the written pages of another book. If left for an hour, writing and images are removed from the written book and placed in the blank book. Removal begins with the pages touching the bookmark and proceeds forward. Up to 30 pages of non-magical writing or 10 pages of magical writing can be moved. Magical protections like glyph of warding or explosive runes are bypassed and not transferred.
A thieving bookmark cannot transfer scrolls or magical books that do not grant spells. Secret page causes the illusory text to be copied and also dispels the effect. If a spell would continue beyond the remaining available pages, that spell is not transferred. If the blank book runs out of pages, subsequent pages are lost to both books. If the bookmark is moved before the hour ends, the magic simply fails.
Regardless of the result, an hour after being placed inside the second book the thieving bookmark vanishes.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, memorize page, comprehend languages, erase, creator must be able to scribe scrolls: Cost 1750 gp
Stonewake Greatsword
An interesting take on the name, although far removed from the initial idea. I like the idea of breaking the sword off instead, I wish i had thought of it.
An interesting take on the name, although far removed from the initial idea. I like the idea of breaking the sword off instead, I wish i had thought of it.Stonewake Greatsword
Despite really great writing and cinematic visuals your item takes the front line fighter's best (with that price tag ti had better be) weapon and turns it into a Monster Summoning spell in a Can against creatures that are at the time the fighter can afford this likely not going to be as threatened by the earth elemental as they would have the fighter retaining his/her weapon. Anything that solves for that puts you closer or possibly in the top 32 thanks to the sheer mojo.
Blackthorn Cudgel
This is a good item but good isn't going to get you in. I do have a soft spot for thorn items so good niche there.
Pit Crew Feedback:
1) Love the name cool using greenwood.
2) First issue you do not define number of thorns... but we have a mechanic for them breaking off one at a time and a bunch on recovering that charge mechanic. It's sort of a huge oversight.
3) While thematically appropriate bleed and blood themes is a classic voter turn off. Not a deal breaker but they need to do something neater. Maybe if the thorns burrowed making themselves harder to dislodge? After 3 rounds another effect happens if they are ignored...
Thank you for the kind words. Excellent feedback, especially the thoughts about an alternative to bleed damage. It's pretty clear to me that a top-notch entry needs more imagination than I displayed. I like the borrowing concept - very organic which fits with the greenwood.
The number of thorns, however, were specified. "The knobbed head of the blackthorn cudgel displays a dozen prominent needle-sharp thorns,..." I've had several people read past that, so I'm convinced I should have been more explicit. Perhaps "...displays 12 prominent..."
Boiling Heart Gauntlet
Pit Crew Style feedback:
1) A still beating heart has to be pretty amazing to get past the gross out splatterpunk auto down vote reflex... and you mixed it with steampunk which is yet another genre that is going to cost you as many votes as it wins.
This is at it's heart a fantasy fiction game which means while there's room for gonzo crazy ideas there's also conventions that some hold sacred. Violating those conventions can be done (See Megrim's locker which features an undead cat-thing) but the writing needs to be better.
2) Under the hood just ignoring the genre issues you have a gauntlet that has a couple attack options with a prolonged use drawback that is so easy to overcome it's rather surprising you bothered.
3) Mechanics on this are sound, writing is good description and this could have found a home with a number of publishers that do steam punk type settings in pathfinder like Thunderscape... Your biggest "sin" is not knowing the voters.
Rapier of Shining Influence - my version:Rapier of Shining Influence
Aura transmutation; CL 11th
Slot none; Price 38,220 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This +1 agile rapier has braided gold-plated steel woven around three gleaming diamonds into a one-quarter cage basket hilt to protect the wielder’s hand which adds a +2 to CMD against Disarm maneuvers. The basket hilt can be used like a spiked gauntlet.As a swift action, three times per day, the wielder can command the blade to flare brightly prior to the wielder’s next attack. If the attack hits, the dashing display of sword fighting grants all allies within 60 feet the wielder a +2 morale bonus on attack rolls and will saves for one round. For each use of the dashing display, the Rapier of Shining Influence one of the diamonds in the basket hilt darkens. The diamonds regain their full luster after the wielder rests.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, cat’s grace, bless, prayer; Cost 19,270 gpNotes:
Giving an even better version of Divine grace to a group was overpowered tot he extreme and the item description went a little overboard so I trimmed that up but tried to retain the spirit of the item.This is still a teamwork driven weapon that inspires it's allies but now in a more mechanically balanced and conventional way. It breaks the action economy a little but with only three charges and the possibility of a wasted charge it's a good but not over powered way.
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Green Flash My Version:Green Flash
Aura moderate divination, evocation, and transmutation; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 32,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
Hewn of green poplar threaded with gold, this +1 liming seeking longbow evokes the rare green beacon which appears in the last moments before sunset. When the bow is drawn, the threads of gold in the wood glow brightly before fading, echoing the sun’s last rays and shedding light like a torch.Once per day, as a standard action, the bow can be used to target touch attack as the arrow is converted into a shaft of cleansing searing light dealing normal damage (double to undead vulnerable to light.) In addition the light dispels magic as a 9th level caster.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, faerie fire, dispel magic,searing light, longshot; Cost 16,000 gp
Redesign notes:
Kept your theme of the last rays of light and added a more traditioal cleansing theme to that. You do not see truestrike magic items for a reason as they are considered a design misstep. You still faerie fire targets thanks to the liming property.
I also considered going more green and having a curse like effect or the arrow transform into an entangling vine (but someone already did that.)
would love to hear any thoughts you might have about my
Noose of Derangement Devouring
Aura strong enchantment; CL 9th
Slot neck; Price 187,200 gp; Weight 1/4 lb.
Description
A cord woven of disturbingly sinew-like fibers, the noose is 18 inches long and embroidered with tiny sigils and runes in red, amber and gray. When draped about the neck and touched while whispering the command word, the noose coils around the wearer’s throat and its magic manifests.
I Hear Voices: The wearer can detect thoughts at will (DC 15), at double normal spell range (120’). The thoughts of those affected by insanity, afflicted by madness, that have prepared mind-affecting spells or that have mind-affecting spell-like abilities are detected as a swift action rather than a standard action.
Eat Insanity: Upon a successful touch attack, the wearer can “eat” the insanity of any creature affected by insanity or suffering from a madness-type affliction and render them sane (as heal). A similarly successful touch attack against a spellcaster or monster can eat one prepared mind-affecting spell (normal touch attack bonuses, no save for spells at or below 4th level; spells above 4th level gain a Will save to negate) or spell-like ability from the caster. The targeted caster is also staggered for 1d4 rounds (DC 16 Fortitude save negates).
The wearer converts whatever she eats into spell power and, for each instance in which the wearer has eaten, she can cast either (a) the same spell or ability that was eaten, or (b) possession (DC 19). All effects disappear if the noose is deactivated, and any unused spell power is lost. Spell power may be held indefinitely so long as the noose remains active.
Construction Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, dream feast, detect thoughts, possession; Cost 93,600 gp
And please be as critical as you see fit.
Thieving Bookmark
Pit Crew Style feedback:
-So explosive runes are one of those circumstantial traps your GM sort of has to be a certain type to use already. You got that type of GM this cheats around the types of traps he lays otherwise this is near useless.
It's a ribbon that grabs magical text? Do something more interesting with the magical text like tattooing it on flesh or maybe you can learn the info by wearing the ribbon like a headband for the day.
Still wouldn't be superstar but maybe with something more cinematic and visual...
Aura moderate evocation; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 43,350 gp; Weight 8 lbs.
Description
Softly warm to the touch and constantly seeming to reflect soft fire light this +1 courageous holy elysian bronze greatsword exudes a solidity that inspires all of pure heart.
In battle a good aligned wielder of a lion’s roar is surrounded by golden fragments of luminescence that coalesce into the enraged form of a great lion, which begins to snarl and roar in an oddly melodious cadence.
The leonine force and majesty of the engulfing aura grants the wielder and his allies the heart of the lion. The lion's great heart allows them each once per day when they would be subject to a fear effect to prevent the effect and instead gain the benefits of a greater heroism spell that lasts as long as the original duration of the fear effect. This ability may be used only while the aura is active.
Three times per day the wielder may draw from the nobility and righteousness the aura bequeaths as a swift action, transforming his weapon damage for one round into energy drawn from divine power. This divine power is not subject to being reduced by resistances or immunities to normal forms of energy. On use the great lion roars loudly and savages the wielder’s opponent. When all three daily uses have been expended the golden aura shatters and will not manifest again for 24 hours.
For any non-good wielder a lion's roar is simply a +1 courageous holy elysian bronze greatsword.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, flame strike, greater heroism, heroism, holy smite, remove fear, creator must be good; Cost 22,350 gp
Thank you in advance.
Thieving BookmarkPit Crew Style feedback:
-So explosive runes are one of those circumstantial traps your GM sort of has to be a certain type to use already. You got that type of GM this cheats around the types of traps he lays otherwise this is near useless.
It's a ribbon that grabs magical text? Do something more interesting with the magical text like tattooing it on flesh or maybe you can learn the info by wearing the ribbon like a headband for the day.
Still wouldn't be superstar but maybe with something more cinematic and visual...
:) "feedback" feedback...
There's always going to be a GM that doesn't do one thing or another. I had a GM once who thought level drain was too much a bookkeping pain to use. By that reasoning, anything with level drain would be pointless.
Tattooing is overdone. Its become another min-max crutch. If you treat it like another way to get a Spell Tattoo, then the criticism would be that it's a reskin of inscribe spell tattoo.
The headband is a great visual, even if it doesn't add anything to the item, and probably confuses it to some degree.
Thank you for the feedback, though.
The headband is a great visual, even if it doesn't add anything to the item, and probably confuses it to some degree.Thank you for the feedback, though.
The Ribbon to headband route could work if it did more of a knowledge transfer. Steal a skill check or bonus from the books mayhap?
Lei of Lost Souls
Pit Crew Style feedback:
-15ft tall? 15ft radius I believe is the intention but careful that isn't clear.
-Basically you're making a 15ft radius of flowers and they extend the wielder's rech for 15 minutes but it's unclear exactly what constitutes an AOE for the shadow figures in the flowers. Are they treated as tiny creaturs thus someone has to try and cross the same square as the flowers of are they based off these figures being medium sized? Does what weapon the wield bear have an effect on this?
There's some cool visuals and a compelling idea but the execution errors in your rules-fu makes this hard to vote for... If this is your first year, admirable attempt, come back stronger next year.
Lion's Roar
Pit Crew Redux:
I liked this, you took feedback from myself and others prior to the competition and I earnestly believed it helped as your item improved vastly from the first version to the final. Made thru the culls though I didn't check top 100.-Faulkner—“In writing, you must kill all your darlings.” For me the golden fragments of luminescence was one of your darlings that needed to die. A neat visual but one you described in a manner that gave me a CGI taste that I didn't like.
I might have considered removing the good alignment bit as well. Lions are TN, they kill and eat prey without conviction or value. It is our sensibilities that assign a different meaning to them and for me that's another (albeit minor) nitpick.
All in all, it was a good item I'd be psyched to get in a treasure pile but there's a slightly schmaltzy vibe to this that might have cost you further advancement.
Marathon Voter Season 9
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I would appreciate the once over
Gloves of Refraction
Aura faint illusion; CL 5th
Slot hand; Price 4,000 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
These silver gloves have three small prisms inset on the back of each hand. When activated the wearer’s hands and held items split into four differently colored images.
Three times per day the wearer may activate the gloves as a swift action creating three images of their hands, and the items currently held in them, that last for one minute. This effect only extends to items meant to be wielded such as wands, rods, shields, and weapons or items small enough to be held in one hand. This grants a 75% miss chance for any combat maneuver or spell targeting the gloves or held item.
In addition, the chaotic nature of the illusory forms grants two additional benefits against creatures who can see the effect, a +4 circumstance bonus on bluff checks made to feint and the difficulty to identify spells cast by the wearer that require somatic components increases by 4.
A creature using senses not based on sight or under the effects of true seeing is immune to these effects.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, mirror image; Cost 2,000 gp
Gloves of Refraction
Pit Crew Style Feedback:
Hi Jason, I remember these both before and during the competition and I immediately thought of Mark's Swindler's Grasp and thought the two would be an interesting match up.
You're basically taking the mirror image spell and reimagining it into a new application which has potential.
-First issue is you're setting up a different item when you mention the gloves having prisims people are going to expect something to do with prismatic spray.
-Second issue 4 images of each hand or a total of 4 hands? There's a clarity issue there.
-You do not need to call out what True seeing does...
-3 circumstantial benefits is a great utility item that might make a book but it's missing some mojo to be called superstar. This is fine for an item maybe wrong for the contest.
Were I to redesign I'd...
6 total colored arms each able to deliver a touch or spell effect attack of some sort based on the color... Now you're a prismatic Kali and if done well people will vote you up. It would need tight phrasing and careful balance but that's the kind of swing for the fences that makes a superstar.
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Any new requests for feedback/redesigns on this thread will be honored (even in the unlikely event I win this thing) but not while I'm active in the competition.
** spoiler omitted **
Notes:
Giving an even better version of Divine grace to a group was overpowered tot he extreme and the item description went a little overboard so I trimmed that up but tried to retain the spirit of the item.This is still a teamwork driven weapon that inspires it's allies but now in a more mechanically balanced and conventional way. It breaks the action economy a little but with only three charges and the possibility of a wasted charge it's a good but not over powered way.
Thanks for taking the time to critique my item. I greatly appreciate the feedback.