Arnil's page

Arnil wrote:

Lei of Lost Souls

Pit Crew Style feedback:

-15ft tall? 15ft radius I believe is the intention but careful that isn't clear.

-Basically you're making a 15ft radius of flowers and they extend the wielder's rech for 15 minutes but it's unclear exactly what constitutes an AOE for the shadow figures in the flowers. Are they treated as tiny creaturs thus someone has to try and cross the same square as the flowers of are they based off these figures being medium sized? Does what weapon the wield bear have an effect on this?

There's some cool visuals and a compelling idea but the execution errors in your rules-fu makes this hard to vote for... If this is your first year, admirable attempt, come back stronger next year.

Thank you for the feedback! It is my first attempt and my first magic item created in the pathfinder system. I'm really more of a 3.5 5e player who adapts paizo stuff into my games so my rules fu is weaker. I'll see you all next year!

@briangamer

Thank you for the feedback I will admit the homophone never occurred to me. Also the item and DESCRIPTIONS came first and the mechanics came second and i know i only got as far as i did (culled on the fifth cull) on those grounds alone. The pricing really was the hardest part and after i posted it i realized that i had well under costed it. Also, I misread the rules and thought i had a 200 word limit. I'll be much more careful next year. Thank you again. What would your thoughts be on changing it so the figures hamper your enemies or maybe i should write out an attack for them?

Lei of Lost Souls
Aura faint conjuration; CL 3rd
Slot neck; Price 2000 gp; Weight 1lbs.

Discription
This wreath of white lilies smells of the sea and never wilts. Each flower has a deep red center in the shape of a star. Once per day, a character may use a standard action to pluck a flower from the Lei of Lost Souls and blow it into the air. The flower then multiplies, forming a 15 foot cyclone of flowers around the wearer. Within the cyclone invisible but tangible humanoid shapes are able to be discerned from where the flowers are hitting them. These figures are an extention of the wearer's memories and will often remind the wearer of people they have lost.

Any time a creature performs an action that would provoke an attack of opportunity within the 15 foot radius of whirling flowers, the wearer of the Lei of Lost Souls may make an attack of opportunity as if the creature was within the wearer's reach. The humanoid shapes allow the wearer to attack twice when making an attack of opportunity. This effect lasts 10 minutes.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, unseen servant, thirty lilies; Cost 1000 gp

Lei of Lost Souls
Aura faint conjuration; CL 3rd
Slot neck; Price 2000 gp; Weight 1lbs.

Discription
This wreath of white lilies smells of the sea and never wilts. Each flower has a deep red center in the shape of a star. Once per day, a character may use a standard action to pluck a flower from the Lei of Lost Souls and blow it into the air. The flower then multiplies, forming a 15 foot cyclone of flowers around the wearer. Within the cyclone invisible but tangible humanoid shapes are able to be discerned from where the flowers are hitting them. These figures are an extention of the wearer's memories and will often remind the wearer of people they have lost.

Any time a creature performs an action that would provoke an attack of opportunity within the 15 foot radius of whirling flowers, the wearer of the Lei of Lost Souls may make an attack of opportunity as if the creature was within the wearer's reach. The humanoid shapes allow the wearer to attack twice when making an attack of opportunity. This effect lasts 10 minutes.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, unseen servant, thirty lilies; Cost 1000 gp

Since i personally agonized over every word choice and hit the preview button after every change and reviewed like 30 prd pages in order to match paizo's style and the contest's directions. AND all 24 of those suggestions. Personally if an item isn't correct to any of those, including rule 24 about great exceptions, i will vote for the other item unless i really can't stand the creative concept behind the item i would be up voting. But i don't believe they should be DQed cause i don't believe they'll make it to the top 32.

I can't see the second cull list on the spread sheet? Is it me?

pH unbalanced wrote:

My favorite item so far is an extemely understated item that doesn't do any more than it needs to.

Covent wrote:

First "Cute" item that I have not hated ever.

Breaks all the SKR Rules except the last and proves that one true...

Very nicely done.

Could both of you PM me, please? I'm deeply curious...

My cat is dead and I'm curious as well please :)

Okay good point! Thank you!

I've got a question regarding maps and the whole contest in general really. Does it help to have your map follow the same theme as your round one submission? And then later including your map in your adventure? See cause i have a cool clock idea for a map but i wasn't one of the many clock based magic items so should i change my map idea? Ill come up with back ups anyway to be safe since the official rules aren't out yet.