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This year, our much beloved GM_solspiral got into the top 32, and thus will not have the time to offer his annual GBU critique thread. So, in his stead, this year I will be offering the same sort of feedback. I will not officially begin item critiques until the official critique thread is open, but once it does, feel free to request a critique.
For those who do not know me, I am better known on the boards as GM_Beernorg, and I am the co-owner of Flying Pincushion Games.
I will start with the first request posted and work my way down. Be warned, all reviews are honest and coming from me as if you were a freelancer with TFPG, so no coddling or punches pulled, just forthright critiques and feedback. Please be sure to post of copy of your item with your request. So without further ado, let the madness begin.
feedback getting requested under threads with item name, not in a single thread, though I could be wrong.
Jeff, as someone that did it last "season" with GM_Solspiral, and plans to do so this year as best he can, I salute you sir.
You're in for a long, interesting road, but it's a worthwhile service to the community!
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I open my item to any and ALL feedback.
Do we post our culled items here or PM, Jeff?
Soulrazor
Aura strong necromancy and conjuration; CL 18th
Slot none; Price 113,615 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
This +1 keen impervious adamantine scimitar contains a black sapphire in its hilt with motes of swirling light. The first soulrazors were wielded by powerful killers who wanted a permanent way to slay their enemies while escaping that fate themselves.
When the wielder confirms a critical hit (15-20/x2) she may choose (three times per day) to force the target to make a DC 23 Will save or have his soul imprisoned within the sapphire. There is no limit to the number of souls it can imprison. Such souls cannot be returned from the dead until freed. Creatures immune to critical hits or lacking a soul are immune to this effect.
Destroying a soulrazor (hardness 24; 26 hp) immediately frees all of its imprisoned souls. Alternatively, the wielder can free a soul as a move action by speaking the soul's name. If the wielder has the ability to cast soul bind then she may cast it as she frees a soul and transfer that soul into another sapphire (no save).
Once per day the wielder may use the soulrazor on herself as a full round action. Doing so briefly obscures the wielder in a cloud of smoke. After the smoke clears others see what appears to be the wielder's corpse. In reality this corpse is a lifeless double of the wielder. This double disappears after one hour. The wielder is subject to a heal spell that heals 110 hp of damage and is temporarily trapped, along with her gear, inside the soulrazor. After one hour the wielder reappears at the soulrazor's current location.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, dimension door, fabricate, heal, keen edge, make whole, simulacrum, soul bind; Cost 56,807.5 gp
I believe Gm_Solspiral went by the order in the CMI thread, which will make this much easier for you to keep track of btw and also keep the size of this thread down.
Marathon Voter Season 9
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So wait, which thread should be used? This or the official one? ._.;
Anyway, is there any reason why it would be bad idea to post item for critique? I mean, I want feedback, but can anything bad happen? I'd figure out that answer would be no since I can't submit same item again, but I'm feeling kinda scared about making it public what was my item...
So wait, which thread should be used? This or the official one? ._.;
Anyway, is there any reason why it would be bad idea to post item for critique? I mean, I want feedback, but can anything bad happen? I'd figure out that answer would be no since I can't submit same item again, but I'm feeling kinda scared about making it public what was my item...
I'm (or I will be) submitting my item for critique and I got culled round 1, so I'm sure you shouldn't feel too bad for what'll be coming your way. Besides, critique is good as long as you don't take it personally.
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Good system, following suit. If I favorite your item, it was on my personal keep list. :-)
I would love to see a critique of the Courtesan's Locket - especially if anyone saved it somewhere, because I cannot for the life of me find the text file I thought I had put it in. ~_~
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I have it... You will need to restore Formatting yourself check your PMs
Requesting a critique for my Watch of Borrowed Time, which is on the first page of the CMI thread. Thank you very much for your time and dedication to the community!
Would love some critique for my posted item: Boots of the Swarming Mischief
Thanks!!
I'm pretty sure I covered most of the basic stuff for my security blanket in my own critique, but I'd love to see what a publisher would make of the revised version.
Add me to the list please - Wing of the Night Monarch, it's in the CMI thread or I can PM it to you if you prefer.
I'll take a critique on the Hungry Ghost Incense.
Star Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9
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Please, you may go Nova.
Kilt of the Warriors Ancestors
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 12th
Slot belt; Weight 1 lb.; Price 36,000 gp
This twill woven garment resembles a pleated skirt, but is knee high and with buckles and plates for extra protection and embelishment. The kilt is woven with the blessings of spirits of great warriors ancestors. Thanks to that, as long as the user impress the warriors ancestors, he receives greater power in battle, but they also are easly bored. When the user hit an melee attack in an opponent in combat, he gains +1 bonus on attack and damage on all his attacks in the next round. This bonus increases by +1 for each round that the user made a successfull attack against an opponent (up to a maximum of +4 attack and +4 damage).
Adittionaly, instead of accepting the atack and damage increases, he may combine a move action or a charge with a full attack in his next round. He can make any number of attacks after, before or during this movement.
If the user stays at least one round without making an attack or receiving one in combat, he bores the Warriors Ancestors, his bonuses are reset to 0 and he becomes staggered on the next round. After this, if the user pass another round without attacking or receiving one in combat, the kilt ceases to function for the rest of the encounter or for one minute, whichever lasts longer.
Construction Requirements
Craft Wondrous Item, Deadly Juggernaut; Cost 18,000 gp
Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9
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Guys, guys, guys!!!!
He is going to go down the CMI thread in order and post the G.B.U. Critiques in that order. He will get to you when he gets to you!
Please be patient! Try not to flood this thread with requests that you've already placed in the other CMI thread. I know we are all excited to know how people liked our items and stuff. But we need to calm down a bit.
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Brigg is correct, I will go through the CMI thread first, so if you already requested a critique there, I will honor that request and you need not make another.
If you have not posted to the CMI thread, then feel free to either PM your item, or post it to the thread (with or without spoiler hides as you see fit) and I will go through and tackle all such requests directly after the top 32 and those who had already requested a critique via there that were not top 32+4.
I will do my best to go swiftly through the list, but as Brigg does point out, a little patience will go a long way.
Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8
aka ugly child
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Testament of Pharasma
Aura moderate abjuration; CL 7th
Slot none;Price 10,500 gp; Weight 85 lbs.
Description
This mossy gravestone features the spiral symbol of Pharasma prominently on the front, and holy text chiseled on the reverse. The testament is carried using a looped rope on the user’s back.The testament of pharasma is a holy symbol of Pharasma that does not have to be held or retrieved to be used as a divine focus, but must remain visible. Once per day as a full round action, the user recites a litany from the reverse of the gravestone granting allies within 30 feet DR 5/- against the attacks of undead creatures for 1 minute.
Once per day the testament may be affixed to the ground. The gravestone then counts as a permanent fixture dedicated to Pharasma for the purposes of consecrate and spells that require such a fixture. This placing is activated as a standard action that does not provoke an attack of opportunity.
An affixed testament of pharasma grants you total cover similar to using a tower shield for total cover; you choose the gravestone’s facing as if using a tower shield when it is placed. The gravestone is removed from its position as a move action using the command word, but otherwise remains affixed indefinitely.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, consecrate, greater shield of fortification; Cost 5,250 gp
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Working through the Top 32+4, only a few more to go, then it will be on to everyone else, thanks for your patience.
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Without further ado, BG&U Season 9 Edition is officially open for business.
Soulrazor
Aura strong necromancy and conjuration; CL 18th
Slot none; Price 113,615 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
This +1 keen impervious adamantine scimitar contains a black sapphire in its hilt with motes of swirling light. The first soulrazors were wielded by powerful killers who wanted a permanent way to slay their enemies while escaping that fate themselves.
When the wielder confirms a critical hit (15-20/x2) she may choose (three times per day) to force the target to make a DC 23 Will save or have his soul imprisoned within the sapphire. There is no limit to the number of souls it can imprison. Such souls cannot be returned from the dead until freed. Creatures immune to critical hits or lacking a soul are immune to this effect.
Destroying a soulrazor (hardness 24; 26 hp) immediately frees all of its imprisoned souls. Alternatively, the wielder can free a soul as a move action by speaking the soul's name. If the wielder has the ability to cast soul bind then she may cast it as she frees a soul and transfer that soul into another sapphire (no save).
Once per day the wielder may use the soulrazor on herself as a full round action. Doing so briefly obscures the wielder in a cloud of smoke. After the smoke clears others see what appears to be the wielder's corpse. In reality this corpse is a lifeless double of the wielder. This double disappears after one hour. The wielder is subject to a heal spell that heals 110 hp of damage and is temporarily trapped, along with her gear, inside the soulrazor. After one hour the wielder reappears at the soulrazor's current location.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, dimension door, fabricate, heal, keen edge, make whole, simulacrum, soul bind; Cost 56,807.5 gp
Soulrazor
The Good: Formatting is on point, and for its power level cost is reasonable.
The Bad: The description just doesn't grab me, and unfortunately comes close to trope.
The Ugly: Soul stealing, we all know it is a touchy subject. Beyond the fact that there are many swords in fantasy games and lit that do this, there are consequences (or should be) to using soul in this way. I would have a hard time allowing any non evil players to use this item, especially since it can hold an endless number of souls. And destroys them to enact its magic.
Lion’s Roar
Aura moderate evocation; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 43,350 gp; Weight 8 lbs.
Description
Softly warm to the touch and constantly seeming to reflect soft fire light this +1 courageous holy elysian bronze greatsword exudes a solidity that inspires all of pure heart.
In battle a good aligned wielder of a lion’s roar is surrounded by golden fragments of luminescence that coalesce into the enraged form of a great lion, which begins to snarl and roar in an oddly melodious cadence.
The leonine force and majesty of the engulfing aura grants the wielder and his allies the heart of the lion. The lion's great heart allows them each once per day when they would be subject to a fear effect to prevent the effect and instead gain the benefits of a greater heroism spell that lasts as long as the original duration of the fear effect. This ability may be used only while the aura is active.
Three times per day the wielder may draw from the nobility and righteousness the aura bequeaths as a swift action, transforming his weapon damage for one round into energy drawn from divine power. This divine power is not subject to being reduced by resistances or immunities to normal forms of energy. On use the great lion roars loudly and savages the wielder’s opponent. When all three daily uses have been expended the golden aura shatters and will not manifest again for 24 hours.
For any non-good wielder a lion's roar is simply a +1 courageous holy elysian bronze greatsword.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, flame strike, greater heroism, heroism, holy smite, remove fear, creator must be good; Cost 22,350 gp
Lion's Roar
The Good: Nice description, used some interesting word choices and made it work well, plus who does not love lions!
The Bad: Alas on the same note, lions were a theme this year, I think you fell into it a bit, and perhaps got a bit lost in the lion shuffle.
The Ugly: Being able to ignore all resistances or immunities, even a limited number of times per day (without having to pay the paladin behaviour tax) when plotted and planned right could easily allow PC's to do away with serious challenges and villains with little or no effort.
Glove of the Severed Servant
Aura faint necromancy and transmutation; CL 5th
Slot hands; Price 11,500 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Festooned with jagged barbs, this well-worn glove magically adjusts to fit either hand and functions as a +1 spiked gauntlet. Upon command, the gauntlet removes the wearer's gloved hand with an audible snap, leaving only a smooth stump behind.
The disembodied hand scurries about freely, using the statistics of a crawling hand (Bestiary 2 59). The wearer directs the hand telepathically, instructing it to perform typical actions including; attacking, making a skill check or retrieving an item. The hand continues this action until given another command.
A touch spell can be delivered by the severed hand if the spell is cast before the hand detaches. If the wearer casts another spell before the touch is delivered, the touch spell dissipates and is lost.
The severed hand may reattach at any time by simply returning to the wearer's space. Should the disembodied hand be killed or travel further than 1 mile from the wearer, it immediately reappears on the wearer's wrist unharmed. However, the gauntlet loses all magical abilities for 24 hours, becoming a normal spiked gauntlet during this period. Should the wearer be killed, the detached hand becomes an actual crawling hand, reattaching to the wearer only after it is reduced to 0 hit points.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, spectral hand, undead anatomy I; Cost 5,750 gp
{b]Glove of the Severed Servant[/b]
The Good: I have a soft spot for crawling claws, they are a classic monster, and you get a ton of cool points for using them in a fun way.
The Bad: No mention is made of whether the hand may only use the skills of a crawling claw, of if the items wearer may share his or her skills, if that is the case, would be great to know, as that could greatly enhance the hands usefulness outside of combat.
The Ugly: Using the statistics of a crawling claw makes this an undead, and my inner jerky GM with a certain evil divine caster and command undead would like to say, stop hitting yourself.
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Green Flash
Aura moderate divination, evocation, and transmutation; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 32,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
Hewn of green poplar threaded with gold, this +2 seeking longbow evokes the rare green beacon which appears in the last moments before sunset, allowing the bearer to harness this mystical viridescence to strike her foes on the distant horizon. When the bow is drawn, the threads of gold in the wood glow brightly before fading, echoing the sun’s last rays. If the bow is drawn in a dim area, the bearer is granted low light vision; bearers who already possess this ability have their low light vision range doubled.
Once per day, as a standard action, the bow can be used to make a single ranged attack against one opponent outside of the bow’s first range increment at a +20 insight bonus, ignoring all but total cover. If hit, the target becomes wreathed in green faerie fire and is considered to be within the bow’s first range increment as long as the bearer is able to see them. The faerie fire lasts for one hour or until dispelled and the bearer ignores all but total cover when firing on the target.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, faerie fire, longshot, true seeing, true strike; Cost 16,000 gp
Green Flash
The Good: I absolutely love this bow, the inspiration of that super cool environmental affect is awesome! I have seen the effect you reference, and I am just damn impressed you turned it into a bow. Also, solid set of powers.
The Bad: Would have liked to have those super sexy powers more then once per day, three would have been my magic number, the extra cost would be worth it.
The Ugly: The mean GM in me wants to give to a sniping rogue, and then test if wizards are as good as they think they are.
Soul Shackle Bolt
Aura Moderate abjuration and conjuration; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 4,506 gp; Weight 1/10 lb.
Description
This +1 ghost touch bolt pierces the soul of any creature it strikes, leaving behind an astral spike that impales the victim’s soul. Failing a DC 17 Will save causes the spike to last one minute, otherwise it dissipates after one round. The spike persists even if the bolt is removed. While the astral spike is embedded in a soul, the soul cannot leave the body, or plane of existence (including moving through a portal or gate or entering an extra-dimensional space). Attempts to teleport, planar travel, or possess another creature causes a wrenching pain as the spike anchors the soul in place. This causes 1d6 damage and prevents the action. The soul shackle bolt does not hinder physical movement in any way, unless that movement crosses a planar boundary. If the soul shackle bolt hits an incorporeal creature, it also prevents them from passing through solid objects, causing damage as above with each attempt. A soul shackle bolt has no additional effect on creatures without souls, such as constructs.
In addition, a creature pierced by a soul shackle bolt cannot die. Instead of dying, it’s soul is bound in place by the astral spike, and cannot move on. Healing the creature above its negative Constitution score prior to the astral spike dissipating keeps prevents its death. Time a soul is spent anchored without dying delays effects that happen after death, such as death throes, becoming an undead spawn, etc.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, dimensional anchor, ghostbane dirge, plane shift Cost 2,256 gp
Soul Shackle Bolt
The Good: Magic ammo always needs more love, you made a good choice here, and crossbows, despite their detractors, also need shiny things to fire.
The Bad: First paragraph is a bit of a wall of text, when it doubt, break em up, easy to read is always better.
The Ugly: Anti ghost/undead spawn and villain escape prevent item, and as such it falls into a long established but somewhat controversial design space. Dealing with monster special abilities is part of the game, wholesale shutting them down ruins the critters viability as a foe. Sure it 4k a pop, but you only need one, if you hit that is.
Jeff, that's not my item, and I know you already have a lot on your plate, but I'm curious what you think of the bolt's "delay death" ability. I personally like it (as I said on the CMI thread), but I've heard varying takes.
Sarkorian Sunderjaw
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 48,305 gp; Weight 8 lbs.
Description
Crafted from the mandible of a large demon, this +2 greatclub is carved with intricate scrimshaw depicting monsters of many kinds. At creation, its tooth sockets are devoid of teeth, the bone is strengthened to not be fragile or have a damage penalty, and its critical threat range is 19-20.
On a confirmed critical hit against a conscious creature that has a bite attack, the sarkorian sunderjaw unerringly strikes the mouth of the target. The creature takes critical damage as normal and must succeed at a Fortitude saving throw (DC 16) or have its teeth (or the like) smashed out or sheared off, rendering its bite attack useless. A creature losing its only natural attack this way gains a primary slam attack based on its size (see the Universal Monster Rules in the Bestiary). If the tooth sockets are empty, the wielder may have the broken teeth magically and immediately fill the club's sockets, dealing both bludgeoning and piercing damage thereafter.
Additionally on three attacks per day, if the bite attack of a monster whose teeth are held in the sarkorian sunderjaw caused bleed, disease, paralysis, poison, or another effect (with GM approval), the club has that same ability, though any saving throw DCs become 16. The wielder chooses to use this ability as a free action before he rolls the attack, and on a natural 1, the teeth are shattered and the sockets become empty once again. The teeth can also be removed manually with an hour's work.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Improved Critical, Power Attack, strong jaw (APG); Cost 24,305 gp
Sarkorian Sunderjaw
The Good: I voted for this item ALLOT. I love it, simply love it. The idea of beating your foes with their own teeth is just too good. All I keep thinking is, "stop biting yourself, stop biting yourself.."
The Bad: As the club is noted as being made of bone, we should see the tag line for it's type as +2 BONE greatclub especially since you do call out (smartly) that the club does not have the normal weakness of bone weapons.
The Ugly: Things with nasty teeth just became murderhobo target number 1, regardless of their alignment or hostility, cause my club needs a new grillz.
@ Kobold Cleaver,
Somewhat torn on the delay death power. One the one hand, I can think of several ways that you could use the bolt to save an ally even if you had limited healing at the time.
On the other hand, preventing things like vamp spawn, and death throes special abilities renders some creatures well bellow their intended CR level when those abilities cannot be used.
Leaning towards to not like, but the clever healing/stave off death things you can do with delay death bring me to a 55% like, 45% not, so all in all, I can see the value. Would not hand these out en-mass though, ever.