Somehow, the internet flamewar that Goofus started escapeed into the real world and 7 cities were burned to the ground before the madness ended.
When in a play-by-post game, Gallant always makes sure to use correct spelling and proper punctuation.
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Goofus's rewrite of the Monk class was based on Chuck Norris Facts.
When Gallant goes to conventions with guest celebrity booths, he favors visiting the celebrities who seem to be getting the least attention, both because he can avoid lines that way and because they need someone to show them support.
Goofs has a collection of restraining orders from various celebrities, gained by barging to the front of (very) long lines and endlessly going on about his great ideas they should totally 'work together on.' (publish for him)
While Gallant has never had an issue with a particular class that the message board he frequents considers underpowered, he acknowledges that his own personal experiences are not the be-all and end-all, and that so many people having the same complaint with the class indicate that there must be a problem somewhere.
Goofus considers the problem to be the people having the complaint in the first place. It is an opinion he shares loudly and frequently. Which is why he eats Thanksgiving dinner alone now.
One of the new player's in Gallant's campaign is having a hard time getting into character. Gallant asks him what his character is doing and thinking to help the new player get a better grasp of his character.
Goofus tells him his characters a moron and all he has to do is sit in the corner and pay for the pizza and not say anything.
Gallant collects character pawns and loans them out to friends.
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The name of Goofus's campaign is "Legends of Grimdark." He also commissions Rob Liefeld to draw portraits of the most important NPCs.
When one of Gallant's players makes a speculation about the plot that he likes, he quietly adds the idea to the campaign and implies that it was his idea all along.
When one of Goofus's players makes a suggestion or prediction about the plot, Goofus accuses them of peaking at his notes, screams that the campaign is ruined, burns his notes so no one can prove otherwise and then storms off and refuses to GM for anyone who doesn't appreciate his creative genius.
Gallant makes sure the players have an appropriate WBL.
In a previous life, Goofus was known by the name "Monty Haul."
Gallant's #1 priority when he GMs is to make sure that his players are having a good time.
Goofus resolves sub plots with...nuclear submarines and their ICBM's.
Gallant prepares tirelessly to run a thrilling and interesting aquatic campaign, doing his best to let the players explore both on and beneath the waves.
Goofus drops an aquatic campaign on his players in the middle of their current campaign, by literally dropping them in the middle of the ocean. He blames the fact they all ended up drowning on their own incompetence and lack of proper preparation. ("You're adventurers! You should be prepared for any eventuality.")
During extended sessions, Gallant calls for a quick break for people to just step away from the table, move around, get the blood flowing, and unwind for a bit.
Goofus brings a bed to the table always and takes naps when it isn't his turn. No one has ever managed to convince him 50 hours isn't actually the average session length.
Gallant doesn't play master summoners and similar classes without lots of prep to try to avoid slowing the game down.
Goofus only plays master summoners (pre-nerf), never prepares his summons stats ahead of time, and should anyone complain, he holds up a 5 foot tall sign that reads "server lag suckers!"
Gallant rewards and encourages his players for treating their animal companions and familiars with respect and as valued members of the team.
Goofus awards his players with "Best Animal Cruelty" trophies whenever one of their animal companions/familiars dies.
Gallant's psychedelic psychic is a complex character, with more depth than just being a walking weed joke.
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Goofus has managed to turn every class, every class feature, and any combination thereof you could give him into the exact same dick joke. Somehow. And he plays that joke far past the hilt into the pommel.
When the group meets at a 24 hour diner to game, Gallant makes sure to tip the waiters nicely for putting up with them for several hours, though they're always on their best behaviour, and there's noone else around to annoy with the noise.
Goofus always holds game at a local diner and shows up during the early bird special. Should anyone complain about the noise, he yells at the top of his lungs "if we are too loud, you are too OLD!"
Gallant tones down several very dark and violent scenes in an AP to put the parents of one of his younger players at ease.
Goofus is recognized on sight by many parents, and they will take drastic measures to avoid him.
Gallant will only do evil acts if the party is evil and may with it.
Goofus's idea of a good act is to leave the peasantry alive after stealing their life savings, homes, food, and atmosphere (he is a very thorough thief).
One day when looking through one of his books, Gallant discovers a rules loophole that could make his character very powerful. He brings it to his GM's attention rather than using it.
In a landmark case that sent shockwaves through the gaming and the legal community, Goofus was successfully sued by his players for the wretchedness of his new mass combat rule system. Thus establishing that players can sue their GMs for breach of fun.
Gallants has his non-cleric characters pray to a patron deity and follow their teachings, to add some spice to his roleplaying.
Goofus, being an atheist, ensure any PC that calls out to a good, cleric or not, is hit by lightning until dead. He call this "justice for the god beggars."
Gallant avoids railroading PC's via divine intervention, even if it would otherwise save the plot, because PC's have the right to self-determination and free will too.
Goofus refuses to buy trail rations because "You can always eat the bodies"
Gallant understands that discretion is the better part of valour.
Goofus insists that his charging rogue should get sneak attacks because "no one expects the rogue to run screaming at the enemy."
Gallant decided to try some house rules to make his campaigns grittier. When it became clear that his players found them tedious rather than fun, he stopped using them.
Goofus tells his protesting players that not having fun "is the entire point" of his gritty ruleset, and maybe they should go back to candyland if they can't play a 'mature' game. Needless to say, Goofus is looking for new players.
Gallant gives himself a hard budget before a convention, and manages to restrain himself from impulse purchases enough to even have some money left over.
Goofus takes out 7 credit cards just for Gen Con and Paizo Con, maxes them out, and hands the bills and collection notices to his players as a "GM tax."
Gallant pours a round of spiced rum (the good stuff, not the cheap crap) to his players upon finishing Skull and Shackles.
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Goofus pours a round of Stroh Rum for his players every "bloody hour" in Skull and Shackles. Real-life punishment is given to those who can't hold their liquor.
Gallant keeps his in-combat commentary limited to things his character could have said. He thereby refrains from turning RPG into a tactical miniature wargame.
Goofus keeps his in-combat commentary limited to the same Monty Python jokes that everyone has heard a million times already. He thereby turns the RPG into the worst kind of open mic night.
Gallant is willing to retreat when it looks like a battle is going to end badly for his party.
Goofus will fight CR 30 monsters with a first level character and accuse the GM of fudging dice rolls and stats if he loses.
Gallant will sometimes fudge a dice roll slightly while GMing to save a characters life if he feels its appropriate.
Goofus commissioned a giant lead D20, which he throws at any player that rolls a natural 20, he has dubbed this monstrosity "fudge bane."
Gallant runs a Dragonlance game, and when one player asks to play a kender, he takes them aside before the game begins to work out how to ensure both the player of the kender, and everyone else, can keep on track with plot while still enjoying the kender madness, uh, I meant wanderlust.
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Goofus develops a sideplot where his 20-year-old half-orc is all of the other player's characters' biological father. Even the 400-year-old elf. Especially to 400-year-old elf.
Gallant doesn't have the party fight monsters unless they have the means to defeat them. They only fight werewolves if they can buy silver weapons, swarms don't appear if they don't have any aoe spells, and so on.
Goofus thinks its the parties responsibility to find a way to bypass resistances only found in rare third party source books that ran out of print decades ago.
When Gallant is at the game store, he helpfully recommends games to people who look like they're having a hard time choosing.
Goofus condescendingly steers n00b5 toward the children's board game section.
Gallant records important stats and bonuses for his players so he doesn't have to ask for them during play.
Goofus doesn't record the hit points of his monsters, and frequently asks that one player who openly reads the monster manual in the middle of the game to tell him what they are.
Despite his Inquisitor being based on the Monty Python Spanish Inquisition sketch, he only shouts "No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!" once per session so that the joke doesn't get stale too quickly.
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Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!
Gallant asks his players to be les vocal before his wife gets annoyed by the roleplayers when playing at his home.
Goofus openly and blatantly makes his wife into a ridiculous villain of his campaign, constantly shouting down the hall as to what "B#%*!face the Frigid" (With a "minus 5 charisma") is doing to the party. Fully one quarter of game night is taken up by the two screaming at each other across the house.
Gallant has a shower before game night, and avoids any strong smelling colognes.
Goofus rolls in horse s**t before the game, just to get that real authentic "dark ages" barbarian funk just right. Any player who complains about the smell is told "how can you tell I am the GM, because I am the only one covered in legit s**t!"
Gallant abstains from bringing nut based products to game as one of his players has a severe peanut allergy.
Goofus chomps down on peanuts next to the player who is allergic. He asks at least 5 times if she wants, "Deez Nuts".
Galliant uses his wizard's wish spells to grant other PCs wishes. He helps them craft them carefully to avoid obvious pit falls.
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After his party gets trapped in a bleak, but not entirely inhospitable prison demiplane for so long that they've done a bit of a Robinson Crusoe/Gilligan's Island/The Martian and made themselves at home, a freak miracle occurs and the rest of the party escapes through a brief window to freedom. Goofus notices that they've been missing for a while and says, "I wish everyone else was here...."
Gallant volunteers to fight for his people in a duel of champions against an invading army. He does not allow his chosen adversary's vastly superior bulk frighten him, and he brings him down with a spectacular shot to the head from a humble sling.
Goofus loots and burns the town before the invading army can get to it, claiming "It's what the Russians do," never mind that he's keeping the loot for himself, killing the people he's supposed to be protecting, and it's late spring.
Gallant decides to play a female character despite being male. He makes her to play her as a rounded personality who dresses appropriately for her role.
Goofus only plays female sorcerers, and orders from Victoria Secret for his "in character" costume to compliment his 24 Charisma. He also fireballs every male NPC who ever seems like he is going to hit on his PC. He likes to call this "getting them hot and bothered."
Gallant had planned on a good old blasty wizard of doom for an up comming game. Yet when another player wanted to try said role for the first time, Gallant rebuilds his wizard to full-fill a different role.
Goofus thinks it's hilarious to play a character who's the identical twin of another character. Exact same stats, class, and even behaviour. Most people think he's just too lazy to actually roleplay, especially as he doesn't actually act like the character he's copying. He just says "What he said."
Gallant commissions an artist to draw his group after a long-running campaign comes to a close.
In honor of the holiday season, Goofus has the party fight a bunch of elves. Not Santa's workshop elves mind you. Just bog-standard fantasy elves.
Gallant's character is a creepy mesmerist. When the other players tell him that they're getting a little too weirded out, he tones his character's quirks down.
Goofus decides to play a bard, he uses Lady Gaga as his inspiration, to get in character he even wears the meat dress, the other players are not amused, however the local racoons are very pleased.
Gallant encourages players with actual musical talent to use said skills if their PC has said skills, he even makes the group a mix cd at the end of the campaign.