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Goofus keeps a ledger of subjects that make his players uncomfortable, and writes at least one page of jokes for each of them before game night. Goofus likes to call this his "open mic night shock exposure therapy."
Gallant rescued a kitten from a tree, helped an old lady carry her groceries, and planted a tree, all before heading out to pick up a player for game who's car had bit the bullet.
All of Goofus's Occultist Implements are... shall we say... not work safe compliant? And he brandishes them whenever his character casts a spell, no matter how often the GM throws him out of the game.
Gallant tries his best to make sure that no one player has too much "spotlight" time per session.
Goofus has two spot lights for his home games. One, a 1,000,000 candle power he uses to blind and sicken players that make too long or too impassioned speeches (that is, they orate better than GM Goofus), and his special OFFICIAL! GEM sparkle motion glitter bomb spot light, which he uses to emphasis how amazing, and flashy, he is to his players, as they clearly need reminding, every 20 minutes or so.
Gallant uses only low and no carbon foot print gaming supplies.
Goofus realized the current party wouldn't fit his character, so he set fire to the original party's character sheets and made new ones.
Gallant posted asking for advice, legitimately seeking feedback. Once he had received it, he calmly accepted the forums' verdict, taking into consideration what he felt applied and gently putting aside what he found misguided or inapplicable to his own home game.
Goofus posted asking for advice, forgot that he did so moments later, and built his character anyway. Meanwhile, the entire forum where he had posted needed to be cleansed due to the enormous flame war that had occurred.
Gallant's party works together like a well-oiled machine.
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Goofus' party works together like potassium and water.
Gallant offers couch space and blankets when the game goes so late that bus service shuts down for the evening.
Goofus makes sure to have at least 6 lethal weapons with him at all times so he can specialize in intimidating. His players.
Gallant knows when to let his players miss a couple of posts in a pbp campaign, and when to be strict.
Goofus has rigged the keyboards of his pbp players with triple strength dog shock collar units. Unless they post to the pbp game thread at least once every 3 minutes, they receive a shock. For repeat offenders, he goes a step beyond just wiring the keyboard, he tranquilizes them and super-glues the triple strength shock collar around their neck. He calls this puppy player training class.
Gallant once took dance lessons to better emulate a dervish dancer NPC that had become favored of the players.
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Goofus repeated Gallant's words in a mocking, high-pitched tone while making a stupid face, before standing up and pelvic-thrusting at Gallant while shouting something about not being able to handle "Deez Nutz!" Goofus has been banned from the library they usually play at.
Gallant makes a major NPC gay for inclusion, though the NPC is so well-rounded that none of the players knew until they wondered why a seduction attempt failed.
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Goofus and a group of armed militiamembers from other states showed up to the gaming table and occupied the GM's house until Gallant acceded to his demands. It went about as well as you'd expect.
Gallant offered her new GM several useful tips when asked after the first session didn't go too well.
Goofus offered his GM several rabid weasels after the first session didn't go well.
Gallant makes sure he has enough ammunition for his ranged weapons before he sets off on an adventure.
Goofus makes sure to keep enough gnome commoners in his bag of holding with a bottle of air, to ensure his throwing gnome build barbarian never runs out of ammunition.
Gallant digs out the old Hero Quest board game and plays a few adventures when an old friend gets home from serving overseas.
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Goofus also found new players online; he's never heard of, much less played, this "RaHoWa" game they're such fans of, but as long as they've got RPG experience, that's good enough for him!
Gallant pays close attention as the BBEG proves surprisingly helpful in answering an all-important Riddle that has vexed Gallant nearly all his life.
Goofus never pays attention to anything for more than 23 seconds, his platers, his prep work for game, his work day, etc. The one exception is that horrible show The Doll House, he can watch that for hours, and expects everyone else at game to as well.
Gallant compliments people who dress their toy breed dogs, despite his personal feeling that it is cruel and unusual to the dog.
Goofus hands out deadly poisons to players at his table to increase the gaming experience.
Gallant will occasionally tweak a monster his players know well to keep them on their toes.
Goofus forces all his players to wear Guy Fox masks, to keep everyone the same, he calls this his "faceless player herd", he culls them often.
Gallant often researches 3pp material his players like, and if something is wonky, he works with the player to tweak the material to be usable, they call this act cooperation.
Goofus is willing to kill another player's character to get their scroll of Cure Light Wounds.
Gallant used background orchestral music to set the tone for their game.
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Goofus sacrifices another PC to a Daemon Harbinger in exchange for a scroll of resurrect self.
Goofus also uses a white noise machine to set the tone for his f~&&ing ninja game.
Gallant poses as the Evil Candyman in order to test the ethics of the Good Candyman's likely protégé, when in truth he has always been one of the Good Candyman's loyal helpers.
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So did Goofus. His favorite sites are ebaumsworld.com, and sites with exciting-sounding names like stormfront.org and infowars.com.
Gallant, being a Wizard, can do very little to save the child princess from a wicked Sorcerer's disintegrate spell, and so does his best to save her by putting her soul in a Good-aligned Soulbound Doll until such time as he can find magic powerful enough to completely restore her.
Goofus's polite paladin has used words that would make a sailor blush.
Gallant makes sure to eat before the game.
Goofus does not eat. At all. At least, he does not eat his own food... No, he goes to each game and threatens the dm at gunpoint to empty his fridge and give the food to Goofus.
Gallant loans copies of all his Drizzt novels when he is done reading them, but makes sure he does not spoil anything.
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Goofus doesn't quite seem to understand the concept of a 'spoiler,' and openly discusses all the new movies and shows, and openly talks about their endings. (Thanks to Internet letting him know what happens before the movie is even released in his area.) Oh, and don't even think to ask about borrowing one of his books. Last player who did so got screamed at and insulted for ten minutes straight.
When ordering pizza, Gallant checks what people don't want first, and then what people do want, to make sure the pizzas appeal to as many players as possible.
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Goofus just orders pizzas with the toppings he always orders: cockroach & asbestos.
Gallant makes sure to carry a few different weapons to deal with different kinds of enemies.
Goofus knows that the best leader is one who screams louder and longer than everybody else in the group.
Gallant coordinates with his party members to take down dangerous monsters that he couldn't handle alone.
Goofus feeds his companions to the dangerous monsters he can't handle alone, and then slays them when they lay down for a nap being so well fed and all.
Gallant avoids brining sushi to game due to an allergic player, even though unagi is his favorite snack to consume while GMing.
Goofus brought out a set of life-sized rock 'em sock 'em robots, and proceeded to have the punch the living daylights out of his players.
Gallant is a great tactician, leading his party to greatness multiple times in an adventure. However, he makes sure that every character get their time to shine during said battle.
Goofus is a "great tactician," leading his party to "greatness" just once in an adventure. He then quietly sneaks away as the monsters feast on the corpses of his party members.
Gallant never negotiates with devils. He knows what happens to those who trust the denizens of Hell.
Goofus insists on casting expeditious retreat on himself before double moving into the unknown.
Before the start of the campaign, Gallant runs a session 0 where the players create their characters and the group discusses the themes and tone of the campaign that Gallant is going to run.
Before the start of the campaign, Goofus runs sessions -5 through 0 to explain the history of his setting. The next five actual sessions are, of course, dedicated to his GMPC.
Gallant keeps a supply of dice available to players who didn't bring any.
Goofs considers any dice that are out of a dice bag for longer than 10 seconds to be unclaimed and up for grabs.
Gallant realizes he's read the adventure before as the GM describes it. He tries his best to avoid contributing any metagame knowlege, and doesn't 'prepare' for encounters he doesn't know about.
Goofus sneaks into his GM's house and makes photocopies of the current adventure path the group is playing to boost his metagame knowledge.
Gallant showers and puts on clean clothes before heading out to game night.
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Goofus provides his GF's when she joins the game a 35 point buy stat array added to a drow noble for her, has even goes as far as to provide his beloved slaves for her amusement (the other PC's).
Gallant made sure to provide a special reward for his player who lost a bard PC fighting Lloth, but told her before he died "sorry, but your spinnerets are sagging, must be old age..."
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Goofus had a similar player who lost a similar character in a similar way - he banned the player from the table in inexplicable anger, and for almost 5 months after, 37% of his online search history consisted of queries such as "spinneret slang meaning," "how do I know if my spinnerets are showing," "spinnerets + aging," "spinneret pills," and "spinneret enhancement."
Gallant guides the Candy Kids safely along the Gumdrop Trail, rescues King Candy, foils the wicked Lord Licorice, teaches Mr. Mint about sustainable candy cane logging, hands down a legal restraining order preventing Jolly the Gumdrop Goblin from being within 400 yards of the Candy Kids, smooths out any misunderstandings between Gloppy the Molasses Monster and the NAACP, delivers Grandma Nutt her long-overdue medication, recognizes Princess Lolly for the tormented ghost of a girl who died in the Lollypop Forest decades ago that she is and lays her to rest, uses a Jean-Luc Picard speech to ward off the mysterious mischief of the capricious god-like being known as Queen Frostine, and takes the f$!%ing Go-Visit-Plumpy card out of the godsforsaken deck!