You could give me back my soul, and release me from eternal servitude, but somehow, I doubt you ever will. BECAUSE YOUR THE GM, AND YOU MAKE THE RULES BUT I AM TIRED OF THIS AND JUST WANT TO DIE ALREADY!!
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You can bring back THAC0 BECAUSE YOU'RE THE GM!
You can make an entire level of heck function under 1st edition rules including negative AC, Because U R the GM!
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You can grant the PC's hair Mythic abilities as well as sapience, and forbid the PCs from accessing it, BECAUSE YOUR THE GM!!
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Familiars can be played as separate player characters (no penalties) BECAUSE YOU'RE THE GM!
You can change your mind and get rid of THAC0 again because you're the GM!
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you can hide in your PC's closet, BECAUSE YOUR THE GM and apparently a sick weirdo...
You can roll the dice behind the screen, look upset, look up at your players, get mad and throw down your pencil, look down at your dice, get a weird, evil look in your eye, look back up at your players, smile (evilishly), then say,
"Um, no, you don't see anything unusual."
Because you're the GM!"
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Bye the way, IHIYC, I say "DM" too because I have a hard time saying "GM". But for the sake of this thread I've lost my mind.
You can run a pre-planned series of events testing the players problem solving and conflict resolution skills (with a bit of the old Ultra-Violence for color) because you are the GM!
You can have your players beat your level/monsters/puzzles but then declare, "It was all just a dream sequence." - and start it all over.
...because...because you're the GM!
You can put out really, really salty snacks...but then forbid any types of liquid at the gaming table. Verboten!
Know why?
Because you want your players to die of thirst!
(and because you're the GM)
You can enact an arcane ritual that allows you to devour not only the flesh of your players, but that which lies within: that which is eternal, what some call the soul because you're the GM!
All roles are now done with 1d4, and 1d4 only. It's more stressful that way.
Because you're the GM!
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You can put all the snacks in mouse traps, B cause UR the GM!
Even if your group is meeting at a place that's not your house, you can raid the fridge, turn on all the lights (including the nightlights), and yell at the neighbors to shut the heck up...because you're the GM!
*Bonus if you let the parrot out of it's cage...for ambiance.
You can invite GoatToucher over to act out every bizzare scene in your game, BECAUSE, you're the GM and either have no clue what you just did, and who you invited over, or your a moron...
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You can invite all your friends over, let's say about six of them, and think "There are only seven people in this house including me."
---and yet, there are eight people since one of them is hiding in your closet!
because you're the GM who is about to play his or her last game!
You can require that all your players wear adult diapers and eliminate as they sit at the table to ensure that there area no interruptions in the flow of the narrative because you are the GM and either lack basic human decency or have a particularly unsavory fetish!
You can houserule the entire set of Pathfinder rules such that they now resemble 4E because you're the GM - muwahahahahahahahahaha!
You can have any player who mentions Highlander [REDACTED], Star Trek [REDACTED] or [REDACTED]ed DnD taken outside and beaten with a metal pipe, because you're the GM!
You can hire a live orchestra and employ some Foley artists to help create an intriguing, mysterious, and sometimes terrifying ambiance - all to enhance gameplay!
because you're the awesome-est GM ever!
Then, after the session, send your players the bill.
because you're teh GM that pwns!
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You can take the characters to a realm where they switch the mental and physical abilities. (Intelligence acts a Strength, and Constitution allows you to cast blast spells and so on.) Thus changing the purpose of all the characters on the team. Because you are the GM!
You can add body switching Because UR the GM!
You can require that everyone have a relatively mundane back story and actually use it in the course of developing your campaign because you're the DM and verisimilitude is important!
You can reward xp only to the character who actually got the kill (last hit) and suggest to those other characters to try harder...because you're the GM!
You can declare that the PCs have been teleported to an arena by the Gamemasters of Triskelion where they must fight each other to the DEATH... because
...and because you didn't have time to fininsh writing the adventure....
You require your players to roll a d100 die for all encounters skill checks (GM scales the CR and DC accordingly).
Because you're the GM!
You can make a reverse dungeoun where one of the PCs is an awakened, animate gazebo BECAUSE YOUR THE GH, IT WAS YOUR IDEA FIRST, AND ANYONE THAT STEALS IT WILL BE DULY NOTED AND PUNISHED.
You can call yourself the GH, even if that means Game Hamster, Because you are the GM, DM, or anything else you want to call yourself!
You can drop an ooze onto them from above.
Because you're the GM!
Yes, you control gravity too, because you're the GM!
Or suddenly reverse gravity, because you're the GM.
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Commission portraits of all the player characters, Spend inordinate amounts of money on them. Have them framed in a nice rich hardwood and hang them above the seats of the players.
Slowly begin referring to the players as only their character names. Serve homebrewed mead made with delicious honey. Start a turkey farm and hire poor impoverished youths to dress in grimy cloth and work the farm.
Butcher them yourself and serve the players fire roasted turkey legs. If anyone comments on the grimy workers outside simply say they work your land in exchange for protection. Begin wearing a crown and have every quest be given by the same local lord. By mere coincidence you share a name.
Keep this going for several weeks. Begin referring to the players as your champions against the gran conspiracy. Introduce a subplot about possession of commoners by a ghost. Just before this subplot is resolved stop responding to the players. Don't answer your door, or pay your peasant workers. Don't venture outside or bathe for a week. Call your workers and players together for one last time.
When everyone has gathered distribute a "special" batch of mead with castor oil. Shepard everyone into your gaming room and lock the door behind you. As everyone involved begins throwing up call the police.
Say nothing to anyone as your trial for attempted murder draws closer. Only hand a note written on parchment stating you will represent yourself. During the trial say nothing. Only wear your crown and refuse to take the stand.
During the sentencing hearing only answer one question. WHY?
BECAUSE I'M THE GM
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You can let the Oracle shoot laser beams from the eyes in a unicorn form while being mounted by the 2 axes enraged barbarian with this song as background.
Because you are the GM! (and it's legit lol)
You convert a Liberty Prime into a pathfinder construct of immense destructive power, off the chart.
Describe the threat is poses, but have them listen carefully, for you shall say it only once.
Stomp them to death, smash them to death, melt them do death, nuke them to death.....Because you're the GM.
Whenever a character receives non-lethal damage, this is simulated by the GM punching the player in the face. You know, so that they take non-lethal damage more seriously.
Because you're the GM!
You can dictate non-essential character details about the PCs, like how the Paladin is covered in moles from the neck down, or how the small, frail wizard possesses an improbably massive male endowment, BECAUSE YOU'RE THE GM!
You can <insert thing here> BECAUSE YOU'RE/U R/ YOU ARE THE GM/DM
Because you can say and do things you can't post here B cause UR the GM!