Not sure if this is the proper category for this.
Anyway, I would like to know of my fellow adult gamer-sorts: how do you find time to game?
Some background on why I would ask this:
I work a job from 7:30a to 4p with about one hour of commute back and forth. I get home at 5 and immediately go into a routine of making dinner, working out, and going to bed.
My schedule is Tu-Sat. Yes: It's odd and very silly.
I am a father who actually enjoys spending time with my family.
Because of my silly schedule problems, I have not done any proper gaming in about three years.
EDIT: Something that should be mentioned - my wife is a stay-at-home mom and only gets "me time" when I'm home.
So... Like I said: how does everyone else manage it?
To be clear: I am aware of roll20, PbP/M/eM games and have participated in several. This is a check for sit-down, face-to-face gaming only.
I'm sure that questions like this have been asked before, but I couldn't see anything on my way here.
EDIT: I assure you all that I'm not trying to whine or anything. It's just kind of... depressing... is all :(
Barely do. Try to do an online game once a week for a few hours with my brother and some friends. Once in a while I meet up with some friends for a game night of a board game or the like. Once a year my brother and one of our friends plan a long game weekend where we go morning to night playing all sorts of card, mini, board and RPG games. Usually a few of our other gaming friends make it too. That's about it at the moment. Wish it were more but don't have the time with work, family, etc.
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Not sure if this is the proper category for this.
Anyway, I would like to know of my fellow adult gamer-sorts: how do you find time to game?
Some background on why I would ask this:
I work a job from 7:30a to 4p with about one hour of commute back and forth. I get home at 5 and immediately go into a routine of making dinner, working out, and going to bed.
My schedule is Tu-Sat. Yes: It's odd and very silly.
I am a father who actually enjoys spending time with my family.
Because of my silly schedule problems, I have not done any proper gaming in about three years.So... Like I said: how does everyone else manage it?
To be clear: I am aware of roll20, PbP/M/eM games and have participated in several. This is a check for sit-down, face-to-face gaming only.
I'm sure that questions like this have been asked before, but I couldn't see anything on my way here.
I pretty much have the same stiuation except my job is Mon-Fri. However I do not have a family so that frees up most of my weekends but most of the people I game with do have families so it is very rare that the entire group can get together. The best we can do is we meet about once a month on a day that we schedule a few weeks in advance usually most of the group can get together when we do that.
I've looked at the possibility of doing a once-a-month thing myself. The only problem I can see with that is trying to do a full campaign/AP. That could take a while o.O
Doing a weekly board game thing might be a good plan, but my kid goes to bed at 8 and my associates can get quite... vocal...
I have played in a weekly weeknight game for over 15-20 years. I've seen the same players get married, have kids, and have those kids graduate. There is no real trick to it, you just gotta do it.
James, you say when you get home you go into a routine. Well, start a new routine that includes a scheduled game night. Ask the significant other to hold the fort.
Everyone has busy lives but we make time for the things we love.
-MD
I have played in a weekly weeknight game for over 15-20 years. I've seen the same players get married, have kids, and have those kids graduate. There is no real trick to it, you just gotta do it.
James, you say when you get home you go into a routine. Well, start a new routine that includes a scheduled game night. Ask the significant other to hold the fort.
Everyone has busy lives but we make time for the things we love.
-MD
This is a remarkably encouraging thing to read. Thanks MD!
My wife is a stay-at-home parent, though. So, she holds the fort all day and only gets "me time" when I'm home. I suppose I should have mentioned that at the start XD| 2 people marked this as a favorite. |
My wife is a stay-at-home parent, though. So, she holds the fort all day and only gets "me time" when I'm home. I suppose I should have mentioned that at the start XD
Make a trade and offer to give her some R&R time. Minimize her work before you go. Pre make dinner the night before and have it ready to heat up before you leave.
No excuses James, get together with your wife and negotiate this deal.
Get er done!
-MD
I second the new routine thing. I have had to go through with this a couple different times with different groups.
Around 2000 my high school friends and I decided to start gaming together again. We lived with in an hour or from each other, some married no kids. We decided to do it once a month. As the years went by, everyone was married and kids, some moved a little farther away (2-3 hours of driving) it went from once a month to every other month to almost never. We then decided to get together around our birthdays which were spread out quite nicely. Now we game 4 times a year and pretty much know the weekend and it is tradition. We would all love to do it more, but we settled for that.
Now my regular gaming group used to try for once a month but it was hard to get everyone to free and it would get rescheduled often. We got sick of it so we made it once a week and those who couldn't work it into their schedule dropped out and we filled in with new people if needed. It has really helped out great having it as part of a routine.
In fact my wife looks forward to a night alone with our son while I am downstairs gaming and gets a little bummed when I have to cancel!
How old is your kid? Old enough to game?
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How old is your kid? Old enough to game?
18 months. So, almost :D
But, seriously, I'm hoping that he wants to hang out with his dad and roll dice when he's old enough. I mean, I started playing MtG when I was like... 7... and D&D when I was 9... so... yeah.
Ah.
Well, before my kids were old enough, I asked my wife to take charge of the kids for 2 hours every Sunday so I could play.
I've looked at the possibility of doing a once-a-month thing myself. The only problem I can see with that is trying to do a full campaign/AP. That could take a while o.O
Doing a weekly board game thing might be a good plan, but my kid goes to bed at 8 and my associates can get quite... vocal...
Yeah we've been working on Carrion Crown now for 2 and a half years I think. We finished book three this weekend.
I pretty much have the same stiuation except my job is Mon-Fri. However I do not have a family so that frees up most of my weekends but most of the people I game with do have families so it is very rare that the entire group can get together. The best we can do is we meet about once a month on a day that we schedule a few weeks in advance usually most of the group can get together when we do that.
Same here. My commute is only 45 minutes and I work Mon - Fri and I also have no kids or SO. I usually end up playing every other week.
Have you ever thought of hosting a game at your house on a Saturday night, maybe late after the kids are in bed? How well behaved and how old are your kids?
I once had a DM that had one toddler and we still played at his house when the kid was around. Sure, there were a couple small interruptions, but it wasn't a big deal.
One of the important things to do is make it part of your routine. I've been playing on and off with a group for almost 15 years. We play every other Friday night. When i got married, my wife and I discussed this and once she realized how important it was to me she was accepting of the once every 2 weeks game, though she still teases me saying that I'm abandoning her.
Having the schedule in place makes it a lot easier, that way everyone (and thier families) know what is planned and when. I agree with the poster that said you should give your wife some extra me time. Perhaps schedule that every couple weeks she is able to get away with friends for an afternoon and you'll take care of the kids without her having to worry about anything. Having something to look forward to helps keep things from getting overwhelming.
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Not sure if this is the proper category for this.
Anyway, I would like to know of my fellow adult gamer-sorts: how do you find time to game?
Hey James,
I'm just gonna echo some of the things mentioned above, in point form because I'm doing homework with the kiddos...
- Taking care of your family is important. Having fun as a dad is important primordial. Participating in the household tasks/routines and giving some slack to your wife is important. Having a hobby outside the work/sleep/baby routine is also important.
- At this point you may have to choose your battle. You may not be able to play twice a week, have hockey nights with the boys, hang-out at Moe's pub with Lenny and Barney and sleep-in every morning because you're so darn tired from partying all night. In other words, your college years are gone, but all is not over.
- If gaming is important to you, then make it a priority to play. Tell your wife you want to make it a priority to play. She's allowed to tease you, but let her know you shouldn't have to feel guilty about it (that last point is actually pretty darn important).
- Consider playing outside your house, gaming IS disturbing to baby/kid bed routine (I don't mean outdoors, I mean in somebody else's home). If your house is big enough you may consider soundproofing a gaming room but if your home is more modest, try to find a new host.
- Be ready to make compromise. Sometimes it may mean just playing board games at home with a few friends and sending them home early, or starting at 10pm. Sometimes it means cancelling this week because your wife is at the spa with her sister. Sometimes it means watching hockey with the boys instead, because playoff!
- Point is, your social life might not "just happen" with a 18 month old baby. You'll need to put efforts to maintain it, but its possible and definitely worth it.
'findel
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Laurefindel stated it pretty well.
I agree your wife needs some time 'off' to be herself and have some fun. But so do you.
There was a time when all I did was eat, sleep, work, house work, yard work, and maybe a little bit of homework with the kids. Notice how much of that is work? Notice how little of it is fun? I was trying so hard to be a good everything, that I became a not very pleasant person much of the time and was actually not doing very well as a spouse or dad.
I eventually learned I had to make the time to do something fun to remain a sane person. But I had a job, wife, 3 kids, etc... So I had to schedule it. At first it seemed impossible. So I started really looking at it as a technical problem to be solved. (Can you tell that I'm an engineer?) Travel to, game time, and travel home should be about 6 hours. Is there really no way I can find 6 hours once a month for something I really want to do? That's less than 1% of the time in 4 weeks. That can certainly be worked into any schedule.
Talked it over with my wife and we just worked it in. The 2nd Saturday of the month I went gaming. The 4th Saturday of the month she went out with her friends. The 1st and 3rd Saturday we did something together.
All the crapola that I been doing on Saturdays had to be worked into the other days of the week. So I'd do laundry while watching the kids or mow the yard instead of watching another sitcom that I don't really like. Some of it was just dropped altogether. I decided I really didn't care if my yard didn't look as nice as the rest of the neighborhood. I'll mow the yard, but I'm not going to kill myself making it look perfect. I also stopped sleeping in until 10 on the weekends.
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I am lucky enough that my lady encourages me to go and play with my friends. She is quite tolerant of my passions, just as I am of hers. She knows I will be there if she needs me and respects my need for some time on my own.
We play once or twice a month, always on sunday, due to everyone's busy schedule anyway.
I never play two sundays in a row, nor play on sunday if I could not be with my love on saturday, as doing otherwise feels too long away from her ;-)
quick question James,
do you have a (private) car garage or lawn-mower shed you could turn into an improvised gaming room? I had a friend who did that.
They even turn the game into a sci-fi Tank-Girl wannabe game to match the 2-stroke engine smell of the shed...
When my son was under a year-old, we played on the balcony outside. We had to install something to make it (somewhat) wind-proof, but otherwise we brought our sleeping bags out and butane-powered camping light. We moved-in when it started snowing but until then, I have good memories of that era.
I've pretty much given up on face to face gaming. I played with a group for a while but someone always had to cancel or got called in for work, and the 2 hours of driving made it prohibitive. I pretty much only game online now. I will hit up FL for PFS once in a while, but I pretty much always work when they meet anyway.
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I've pretty much given up on face to face gaming. I played with a group for a while but someone always had to cancel or got called in for work, and the 2 hours of driving made it prohibitive. I pretty much only game online now. I will hit up FL for PFS once in a while, but I pretty much always work when they meet anyway.
Must suck to live where there aren't a lot of gamers around. I got really lucky and all the friends I made out here are also gamers, so I kind of got sucked into a group that I enjoy quite on accident.
quick question James,
do you have a (private) car garage or lawn-mower shed you could turn into an improvised gaming room? I had a friend who did that.
They even turn the game into a sci-fi Tank-Girl wannabe game to match the 2-stroke engine smell of the shed...
When my son was under a year-old, we played on the balcony outside. We had to install something to make it (somewhat) wind-proof, but otherwise we brought our sleeping bags out and butane-powered camping light. We moved-in when it started snowing but until then, I have good memories of that era.
Unfortunately, no. If I did, that would definitely be my route of choice. I rent an apartment currently without any additional space :/
Overall, good suggestions/ideas folks! Even if several of them are just to "shut up and do it" lol
Overall, good suggestions/ideas folks! Even if several of them are just to "shut up and do it" lol
I really hope you did not read my post that way James.
From my own experience:
The lie I tell myself is that obstacles prevent me from doing things I want to do. Unfinished drawings and half completed stories, yard work, house projects? Each one has a matching excuse. My favorite go to excuses include wife, work, and the classic "I'm busy". But at some point I had to call out my own BS.
Because My wife is my #1 teammate and supports me in all I do, my work takes up times but provides me with means, stability and a roof over my head. And busy...well I was "busy" playing computer games for a few hours Saturday morning so if I'm honest with myself I have time.
So now I tell myself "No excuses".
Really hope you get your game on James. Some people look forward to the weekends, I count down my days to game night.
-MD
Um... I can understand making excuses not to do WORK, such as yard work or house projects.
But if you're making excuses for not doing things you WANT to do, then either (1) they're not excuses, but real reasons; or (2) you really DON'T want to do them, or else you wouldn't NEED to make excuses.
There's nothing wrong with that, of course. We often fool ourselves about what we want. I know I do.
But sometimes "too busy" is the real reason. There are many things I want to do, and only so much time, so some things I want to do are put off until I finish doing something else.
For instance, right now, I'm running a PFRPG campaign and studying the piano. In fact, when I got my piano back, I decided to study certain pieces that I've wanted to learn, so I regretfully had to put that Nintendo away until either the campaign ends or I've accomplished all I want to do with the piano. My limited time is not an excuse. It's the real reason.
My "lol" was supposed to indicate that no offenses were taken :)
@Aaron: that sounds about right. Just stashed my Wii because I never play the dang thing anymore :/
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D20 Monkey. This particular comic seems relevant to this thread.
Edited to fix link.
I had a hard time finding time to game when the kid was a baby. But after she started sleeping through the night regularly, things got easier.
For me, the issue is consistency. Pick one weeknight, and ruin a 4-hour game, from, say, 7:00 to 11:00. Establish a quorum: You'll game ad long as the GM plus X number of players show up. Characters of players who can't make it are run as GMPCs for the night. That way, everyone can schedule around the game.
If you need to play at your place, it's easiest to insist upon that if you're the GM.
Another way is to schedule games ad hoc. Before the players leave at the end of one session, you schedule the next one, making sure it's in everyone's calendars.
I'm in two games: A weekly campaign that I GM at my house (Monday nights), and an ad hoc campaign that meets more-or-less twice a month, usually on a Sunday afternoon.
Play-by-post games can also scratch the itch, especially if you get a good group.
For me, the issue is consistency. Pick one weeknight, and ruin a 4-hour game, from, say, 7:00 to 11:00. Establish a quorum: You'll game ad long as the GM plus X number of players show up. Characters of players who can't make it are run as GMPCs for the night. That way, everyone can schedule around the game.
I rarely see typos that really make me giggle, but this is one. :) Thanks, I needed the laugh.
See, my kiddo sleeps through the night. The problem is that I need to get up early to get to work on time. And I can't even stay up past 9 myself anymore :(
See, my kiddo sleeps through the night. The problem is that I need to get up early to get to work on time. And I can't even stay up past 9 myself anymore :(
Not even on your weekends? (Saturday and Sunday, As I remember you saying you were off Sat - Monday)
We meet up mid week from 7:00PM to 11:00PM and I just drag my sorry butt around the office the following day. Mid week seems to work best for us since weekends are a landmine of kid/family activity.
Not even on your weekends? (Saturday and Sunday, As I remember you saying you were off Sat - Monday)
During my weekend, the rest of my group is unavailable. And Spokane (nearest large city) is kind of hard to get into/out of without a car to do gaming with my other friends.
If I could get away with just dragging myself around the office, I would. But I work in a warehouse. And my wife hates it when I get home late lol
Not even on your weekends? (Saturday and Sunday, As I remember you saying you were off Sat - Monday)During my weekend, the rest of my group is unavailable. And Spokane (nearest large city) is kind of hard to get into/out of without a car to do gaming with my other friends.
If I could get away with just dragging myself around the office, I would. But I work in a warehouse. And my wife hates it when I get home late lol
Ah. Yeah, that's a difficult position to be in.
Not even on your weekends? (Saturday and Sunday, As I remember you saying you were off Sat - Monday)During my weekend, the rest of my group is unavailable. And Spokane (nearest large city) is kind of hard to get into/out of without a car to do gaming with my other friends.
If I could get away with just dragging myself around the office, I would. But I work in a warehouse. And my wife hates it when I get home late lol
Ugh, Spokane...say no more. It's my home town, I grew up in the Green Bluff/Colbert/Mead area and escaped. For a giant grid of a city it has (or did when I lived there) a horrible bus system. And like Ned Stark says, "Winter is coming".
If it's any consolation Spokane has Merlyns, one of the best gaming stores in the state.
-MD
I am a father of a 2 year old, and work over 8 hours a day, 5 days a week mon-thurs and saturday. I try to play every other weekend on sunday morning to afternoon, from 10-2ish, at least. This time is great as usually most people I game with can do the time, its late enough for those who are up late the night before to get up and out(although I do give 2 of my players wake up calls/texts to make sure they are coming and on time). Also most people don't work that day and really other then church-goers who else plans things for sunday late morning anyway?
Eitherway good luck.
For me, the issue is consistency. Pick one weeknight, and ruin a 4-hour game, from, say, 7:00 to 11:00. Establish a quorum: You'll game ad long as the GM plus X number of players show up. Characters of players who can't make it are run as GMPCs for the night. That way, everyone can schedule around the game.
I rarely see typos that really make me giggle, but this is one. :) Thanks, I needed the laugh.
Heh! Posted from my phone.
{. . .}
My wife is a stay-at-home parent, though. So, she holds the fort all day and only gets "me time" when I'm home. I suppose I should have mentioned that at the start XD
Would the schedules work better if your wife did the gaming?
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Our table has a 30 year old full time but single dude, a 40 year old single dad, a 35 year old with a part time gig and a girlfriend, a 30 year old full timer who works from home with a wife and 2 kids, and one of his kids is old enough to game with us.
Gaming takes all kinds, as long as all kinds can make 'getting to game night' a priority once a week.
We usually game from 4-10 on saturdays. Every once in a while somene has something come up (or someone is on call during the weekend hours and we get interrupted). Its worked for years. Just gotta care enough to make it happen.
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Would the schedules work better if your wife did the gaming?
They would, but she actively hates games. And not just Pathfinder. The only games she likes are 10000 and BS :/.
Thankfully, one of us just went from a full-time, god-awful hours job to being a student. Which leaves finding a way to get me and/or one of the other players involved.
And if I can hold out for another year, I'm planning on returning to school next September. So, that would open my schedule (and give me a degree that actually does something).
Heh! Posted from my phone.For me, the issue is consistency. Pick one weeknight, and ruin a 4-hour game, from, say, 7:00 to 11:00. Establish a quorum: You'll game ad long as the GM plus X number of players show up. Characters of players who can't make it are run as GMPCs for the night. That way, everyone can schedule around the game.
I rarely see typos that really make me giggle, but this is one. :) Thanks, I needed the laugh.
That explains a lot! My phone hates me or it's on drugs. We think drugs. Have you seen the Austin Powers Meme about auto corrects? A friend of mine showed it and said. Hey, Austin Powers uses your phone...
And if I can hold out for another year, I'm planning on returning to school next September. So, that would open my schedule (and give me a degree that actually does something).
Just did that and the student loans are totally worth it. Just about to finish a year and a half contract at Intel that don't think I would have gotten without the degree.
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Not even on your weekends? (Saturday and Sunday, As I remember you saying you were off Sat - Monday)During my weekend, the rest of my group is unavailable. And Spokane (nearest large city) is kind of hard to get into/out of without a car to do gaming with my other friends.
If I could get away with just dragging myself around the office, I would. But I work in a warehouse. And my wife hates it when I get home late lol
One thing I have come to realize is you need to create a group who's schedules line up in some fashion.
My group hit a similar issue as we came out of college and started finding 'real life' really limits your hours. There are friends I gamed with in highschool/college that I dont anymore, not because they arent around or we arent friends anymore, but simply that our schedules cant line up easily. If your friends cant comit to say one saturday evening game or maybe sunday afternoon a month scheduled in advance, then you need to find a different group of people to game with. Its pretty much that simple. You have your work/life schedule, you need to find people to put into your life that can match up with that.
And yes it takes much longer to get through an ap or long campaign going once a month, but its still better then no gaming, and you can either adapt the style of campaign to something shorter (like using the new module line that is sort of like 2 adventure path books in one) or just go with it. My friend has a campaign that has been running now for 2.5 years, and its certainly been fun and going strong even though we only play it once a month.
So... Like I said: how does everyone else manage it?
To specifically answer the question (which will probably sound blunt and unhelpful): I (and my friends) don't live like you. ;)
Kolokotroni said it well - you need a group who have close to the same schedules... otherwise, you'll just end up in failure.
My friends and I all work Mon-Fri, 'banker's hours' (really a mix of 7-3, 8-4, or 9-5), comparatively short commutes (no more than 1/2 hour to work and 45 minutes to get home), and always have weekends off. Some are married (4/6), some are single (2/6), some have kids (3/6).
So, we game once every 2 weeks, on Saturday, from 2-10.
But we still need to make it a priority, and keep a reasonably clear and consistent schedule. We just do it, I suppose.
...
And yes it takes much longer to get through an ap or long campaign going once a month, but its still better then no gaming, and you can either adapt the style of campaign to something shorter (like using the new module line that is sort of like 2 adventure path books in one) or just go with it. My friend has a campaign that has been running now for 2.5 years, and its certainly been fun and going strong even though we only play it once a month.
Missed that subject at the beginning. That would be an issue for some people. A possibility is to not run an AP. there is a 3 or 4 module mini-arch that takes you from level 5 to 9. Some AP books actually play very well if you only use one of the books. You can just use individual modules as a one shots not trying for a campaign. Or a few people will use PFS even for their home game to keep things quick and moving without having to remember what happened 2 months ago.
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There's something about the schedule you mentioned in the first post that doesn't quite add up.
You've got your workdays; consider those days write-offs, because work-dinner-sleep is solid and you need your rest.
You say you're spending time with your family - how much time are we talking about, and can this be split up? Is it impossible to spend time with them as well as get to a game?
I actually think even once a week is asking a lot of myself when I'm trying to find time, but I'm pretty satisfied playing once or twice a month. That's hardly an unreasonable ask of my time under any circumstances. "Once a week" is basically a quarter of my free time every single week: 5 work days, then 2 off days, and a game that lasts 5-6 hours - every week? That's huge! 1-2, maybe 3 a month - not so bad.
Would the schedules work better if your wife did the gaming?They would, but she actively hates games. And not just Pathfinder. The only games she likes are 10000 and BS :/.
{. . .}
I don't know what those are, but in this case it sounds like then the thing would be for her to get the job, and you to stay at home. :-)
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James, I know you have lots of responses here already so you don't need mine. However, I do want to say that I sympathize. We have twins that just turned 2. My gaming was limited to a buddy's game once every couple of months on a weekend. I spend time with my kids as well, including the routine you mention. My kids don't always go to sleep at their 7pm bedtime and we have had nights where its 9pm before everyone is finally asleep. I could not imagine trying to run a game. But I am. My wife lets me have Saturday nights, when we don't have other plans, while she puts the kids to bed. Honestly, I do spend a lot of my time when kids are asleep getting game stuff ready so I haven't played a video game in months, and I have given up doing very much reading but I love DMing and this is my passion. Make the time, if its important to you!!