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DM says: "She comes up close and whispers to you 'why don't we go somewhere more... private'"
DM means: "You've been hitting on everything vaguely female with a pulse (and in one case, without), here's a succubus for you to play with."
DM sez: "You see a beautiful scantily clad woman chained to the dungeon wall"
DM means: "More succubus!"(This is where genre savvy is valuable)
DM sez: "I want to run a super low magic E6 campaign."
DM means: "Stuff like teleport hurts my brain, I can only think linearly. Besides if I let you guys have too much power you might escape from the railroad I have set up. So suck it, I am entirely in control."
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Can't I have just a little bit of peril?DM sez: "You see a beautiful scantily clad woman chained to the dungeon wall"
DM means: "More succubus!"There's a reason the heroes of yore tended to be celibate knights.
Far too much peril.
No! It is too perilous.
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Always, off to Monty Python land....
http://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=673
http://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=906
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From recent real games:
DM Says (with a sigh) : If you take the Ring of Evasion I guess your PC will never get hurt again
DM Means: Please, take it and lower your touch AC before the next dungeon, which is chock full of ghosts and other touch attackers!
DM Says (to 2nd level PCs without magic weapons): You see two shadowy shapes emerge from the cave wall and begin to move towards you.
DM Means: It is time for you to leave this dungeon right now.
DM Says: Do you lift the vase?
DM Means : Please, please lift the vase so my awesome trap can go off!
I actually caught onto the vase thing in a recent adventure and decided to use an elaborate solution involving a spear, twine, fishing hooks, and a fishing net to get objects out of vases full of sand without lifting them or sticking my hand in them. The objects ended up being gems. The DM later confirmed that party members probably would have died if I had tipped a vase.
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GM Says: Does everyone remove their armor before sleeping in this totally safe inn miles from town?
GM Means: I hate your OP untouchable tank, and I love assassins...
or
GM Means: I hate your OP Crafting Wizard with double WBL and I love Thieves...
GM Says: The Roc succeeds against your handle animal check and your slumber Hex.
GM Means: NO! You cannot have a full sized Roc to fly around in! No matter what your handle animal is!
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GM Says: Does everyone have a Ring of Sustenance?
GM Means: If not, better hope you remembered to buy rations, because we're going to the desert.
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GM Says: Wait you what?
GM Means: What do you mean my awesome X didn't cripple the player?!
GM Says: I'm just going to call it.
GM Means: I better end this before the player points out the REAL rules.
GM Says: You don't find anything.
GM Means: No really, there's nothing valuable here. Please stop rolling perception checks. I know you're expecting loot but you're not getting it.
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GM Says: You don't find it.
GM Means: There really isn't a secret door. I'm just screwing with you.
(First time I did this, ages ago, the player noticed, "hey, he said 'you don't find it'!" and kept searching carefully. Nowadays (and not even with the same players), it's just accepted that that's what I say....)
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GM says: He's willing to offer you more money than you can ever imagine.
GM means: All aboard the monorail! Final destination is backstabbing town.
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DM says (to a paranoid player who just rolled to check for traps): You don't see any traps.
DM means: There aren't any traps, but I know you seem to think every room is loaded with them, so enjoy your uncertainty.
DM says (to a player that has just seen a trap go off and decided to check for others): You don't see any traps.
DM means: There are traps here, better have someone with good saves go first.
DM says: The dog has shifty eyes.
DM means: I'm getting tired of you insisting on rolling sense motive every time you interact with anyone, so now I'm just messing with you.
All from times I've run games
George R.R. Martin killed off a lot of characters? Ha! Saw more character deaths in a 4 month campaign than since the beginning of his series!DM says: The campaign will be highly lethal
DM means: I'm going to kill off more characters than George RR Martin
The HBO series doesn't do the books justice.
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DM says: I'm going to open up alignments for a different feel to the game
DM means: Please stop throwing lizardfolk babies into a resetting lightning bolt trap, I just thought you guys would like to try something new.
*True story, I had a group kill all the male lizardfolk and then were trying to disarm a trap by throwing lizardfolk babies at it.*
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DM says: Would anyone else like to make a Perception check?
DM means: There's a secret door there that's critical to the story. Would somebody please roll above a 2 so we can get on with it?
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Dm says: This merchant has every magic item in the game. But he is an ancient golden dragon. I designed him so that if you manage to kill him, you deserve all the stuff he has.
Dm means: Had to make a way so that you couldn't easily steal everything in a magic shop of magicness. If you want to, good freaking luck.
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The HBO series doesn't do the books justice.George R.R. Martin killed off a lot of characters? Ha! Saw more character deaths in a 4 month campaign than since the beginning of his series!DM says: The campaign will be highly lethal
DM means: I'm going to kill off more characters than George RR Martin
TBQH I think the TV series is superior.
GRRM is not really a very good book writer. He's a solid TV writer though.
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GM Says: Sure, you can use third party content.
GM Means: So can I, and I have more.
GM Says: So, who has Bludgeoning weapons again?
GM Means: Who wants to fight Skeletons!
OR
GM Means: Who wants to waste cash on backup blunt weapons and smashing the skull of every corpse you see?
GM Says: So, I see none of you guys are playing a healer...
GM Means: Oh, you are so going to want one soon.
GM Says: The King introduces you to is Grand Vizier
GM Means: No, he's not the villain. I'm not a Disney writer. But you can bet your ass I'm going to make you think he is.
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GM says: Are you sure you want to do that?
GM means: Are you suffering from some kind of brain damage?Alternately:
GM says: Are you sure you want to do that?
GM means: That is a great idea, but I love f*%*ing with your head. Let's see how many times you second guess yourself, shall we?
This is me >.>
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GM Says: So, who has Bludgeoning weapons again?
GM Means: Who wants to waste cash on backup blunt weapons and smashing the skull of every corpse you see?
As we learned from Dead Space, your boots are a blunt weapon. Every corpse must be smashed.
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DM Says: "Er... Of course you can load that gelatinous cube onto the catapult..."
DM Means: "How do you keep pulling these things off?"
DM Says: "Your seduction roll against the princess succeeds."
DM Means: "And now you're going to have an entire kingdom trying to kill you."
OR
DM Means: "Save vs. Mummyrot!"
DM Says: "You discovered a scroll saying he was really working for the demilich Draco the Invincible."
DM Means: "You one-shotted the BBEG! Now I have to make something up!"
DM Says: "Don't worry what the party needs, just play what you want."
DM Means: "Please just WANT to play what the party needs so I don't have to worry about everything you may miss otherwise."
DM Says: "You find two vials and a sword."
DM Means: "Why don't you use all those skills and spells you have to determine what it is instead of expecting everything to be labeled?"
DM Says: "Your weapon skips off the wooden soldier's arm, not even breaking whatever sealant was used to preserve it for so long."
DM Means: "I know you failed the knowledge check, but I'm offering you visual clues so you'll think to use fire already, instead of doing little to no damage with your weapon."
DM Says: The man doesn't seem interested in anything you have to say, and pointedly ignores you.
DM Means: I spent hours writing detailed character bios for dozens of NPC's! Why are you hailing random passers-by on the street!?!?
DM Says: You hear another, even larger wave of the Baron's guards charging down the hall.
DM Means: Stop it. You're not killing the Baron tonight.
DM Says: **Blatant insult from brand new NPC**
DM Means: This is not a bad guy, and you will probably need his help, and you will definitely regret killing him!
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DM says: You can't see the bottom of the pool from your hiding place by the door, there might be treasure...
DM means:
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DM Says: *Random NPC* is coming down the hall as you approach the throne room.
DM Means: GRRRAAR! This guy is so incredibly crucial to the story! How have you not introduced yourselves yet?!?! You have to talk to him this time! You have to! I can't cold approach you! It would give away too much! He's critical, but you can't know he's critical until the critical moment! You, Bard, wave and say hello, or so-help-me I'll poison your next wineglass. Barbarian, make a rude gesture or something. At least threaten him, or block the hallway. No! You don't need a perception check! What the hell...? Sense Motive? You desperately want to get to know this guy. But, I can't just say that. A wave? A nod? Come on! Throw me a bone, here! You made three diplomacy checks with aid anothers on the stupid kennel keeper, and he's nobody! NOOO! Don't enter the throne room without... GAH! Ok, deep breath. I'll just bring him back in, because he forgot his cloak or something. They can't possibly be so dense as to ignore him twice in one session... can they?
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DM says: Roll for Initiative!
DM Means: Surprise M+~$~+$~+!*@!
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DM Says: *Random NPC* is coming down the hall as you approach the throne room.
DM Means: GRRRAAR! This guy is so incredibly crucial to the story! How have you not introduced yourselves yet?!?! You have to talk to him this time! You have to! I can't cold approach you! It would give away too much! He's critical, but you can't know he's critical until the critical moment! You, Bard, wave and say hello, or so-help-me I'll poison your next wineglass. Barbarian, make a rude gesture or something. At least threaten him, or block the hallway. No! You don't need a perception check! What the hell...? Sense Motive? You desperately want to get to know this guy. But, I can't just say that. A wave? A nod? Come on! Throw me a bone, here! You made three diplomacy checks with aid anothers on the stupid kennel keeper, and he's nobody! NOOO! Don't enter the throne room without... GAH! Ok, deep breath. I'll just bring him back in, because he forgot his cloak or something. They can't possibly be so dense as to ignore him twice in one session... can they?
Sadly, they can >.<
It took NINE TRIES to get them to talk to the guy while they were trying to figure out who was opposing them in court. NINE!
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GM Says: Maybe. You'll just have to see.
GM Means: Damn, they just figured out my entire plot on first sight. Rapid rewrite time...
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GM Says: The King introduces you to is Grand Vizier
GM Means: No, he's not the villain. I'm not aDisneylong-dead coauthor of the 1001 [Arabian] Nightswriter. But you can bet your ass I'm going to make you think he is.Fixed. And, before anyone suggests otherwise, Bram Stoker did not steal his ideas from Twilight, Dvorak did not steal his compositions from film soundtracks, and the Norse did not steal the idea of a world-destroying ring from Tolkien.
Actually, you kinda broke it. Ja'far ibn Yahya Barmaki, as written in 1001 Nights, is more of a protagonist. In the Three Apples story, for example, he is ordered to find a murderer in three days - or die instead, and very nearly does. In other stories he's viewed as more of and adventurer. In real life he was apparently a patron of the sciences, whose influence led to several advancements, and may have been executed for having an affair with the Sultan's sister.
It isn't until the 1940 movie that Ja'far's name is used for the evil magician fought by Aladdin, who is actually a separate character, and although according to wiki it does happen in a 1952 movie, it's the Disney version that makes famous the archetype of the evil, scheming Grand Vizier Jafar.
In terms of actual evil Viziers from history, myths and such, your best bet would probably be Hamman from the Jewish Torah, since he serves in a similar roll, although it could also be noted that Ja'far did help defeat an evil Vizier in another story, although he was more a corrupt politician with a vengeful streak than a full blown Evil Vizier trope.
So...yeah. Archaeologist. Kinda already knew that Bram Stoker probably based his character on Elizabeth Bathory's reputed crimes, but took the named of the more famous and dreaded Prince Vlad Tepes of the House Draculesti for his main character (and probably borrowed heavily from Carmilla by Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu)
I also knew that Antonin Dvorak was a Czech composer and violinist, if that helps?
And although magic rings were a Norse story element, I personally always felt that Tolkien took the Ring more from the Ring of Gyges, from Plato's Republic, as it has the power of invisibility and is shown to corrupt the people who wear it (namely the shepherd who finds it uses it to seduce the queen and murder the king to take his place), and is used in Republic as an example that power corrupts and morality is a social construct. He may have taken it's cursed nature from Andvarinaut in Norse legend, however.
On topic;
GM Says: Hey, can someone pass me Monster Manual (Insert Number) please?
GM Means: Let's see you guys panic as you remember the more hideous monsters in this one, shall we?
GM Says: So, you all meet in a bar called the Thirsty Halfling...
GM Means: Traditions are important. And it's traditional to see if you'll roll to find traps right at the start, since the Inn is going Guy Fawkes in the basement soon.
GM Says: *Hums the Hall of the Mountain King*
GM Means: Prepare for Dwarfs! Or maybe Nazi Zombies.
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DM Says: You might want to bring a couple extra character sheets to this session. It may be a bit lethal.
DM Means: Bring twenty. I need to get my TPK count up.
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GM says: "Hold on a minute. I need to go to the bathroom."
GM means: "Hold on a minute. I need to go to the bathroom."
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Did no-one else grow up with the Iznogoud cartoon? He's why I think of Grand Viziers as evil. One of the writers of Asterix did a spin-off of a minor (quite amusing) villain that got turned into a 52 episode cartoon show!
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GM says: You should read the comments on Youtube.
GM means: I hate you.
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DM says: "For this campaign I suggest that The Lancer of your Five-Man Band be a Handsome Lech, I've got some good hooks for that."
DM means: "I lost 8 hours to TV Tropes yesterday. This is a cry for help."
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... heh heh heh heh heh ...
I see you have kept busy, my son. I approve.
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... heh heh heh heh heh ...I see you have kept busy, my son. I approve.