This is a question for those of you who are victims of severe clinical depression, like me. I have a lot of things that I'm interested in, but when it comes to actually doing them, I just can't muster up the emotional strength to even start. And when I do manage to do so, I don't stick with it. How do you get around this problem?
While I no longer suffer from (major) depression I do still have the same symptom (avolition) from another diagnosis.
It's extremely frustrating and has led me down the path towards depression again several times.
So... I don't have any concrete answers or remedies.
My next hope is that I can convince my doctor to prescribe medication which might help with my lack of concentration/focus. That might help in pushing back against the avolition too.
I really, really want (need!) to get back to reading and painting minis again.
The simple answer is that you can't. That is why depression is a serious problem. You really need to get help, and if it's serious, medication is usually necessary to improve things. Once you're on track for recovery and things are a little better, you can further better your chances with cognitive psychotherapy.
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The simple answer is that you can't. That is why depression is a serious problem. You really need to get help, and if it's serious, medication is usually necessary to improve things. Once you're on track for recovery and things are a little better, you can further better your chances with cognitive psychotherapy.
This.
It took medication to get me to the point where I was able to hold myself together enough to start doing minor things. Doing those minor things gave me back a little bit of self-esteem, a little bit of control ,a little bit of myself.
Once I had that back, it was up to me to build on that, because medication can't do everything. It can only get you to the point where you're able to help yourself.
It's been about five or six years now, I think (honestly, I can't tell for sure without trying to place various events of the past few years and hunting down letters from my doctor to confirm dates.)
I still suffer from serious social phobia, to the point where I can't leave the house alone. I still tend to want to curl up in bed and go back to sleep halfway through the day just to escape from everything. However, I'm not the same person I was at the beginning - I was pretty much doing the bare minimum for day to day survival back then, and even then asking myself why I was even bothering. Now, well, I'm actually posting here for starters. I'm able to write again, even if only for a little while each day. I'm able to get excited about a new movie or game for a few hours. I'm able to play RPGs :)
One of the things about depression is that it tends to lock you into a spiral where you start off depressed over certain things, and then the depression causes you to screw up another part of your life, which gives you something else to get depressed over, and it ends up eating through everything until you have nothing left but a whole lot of things to be depressed about.
I've found my recovery is almost the same thing in reverse. It's doing the small things, things you can feel proud about achieving so you can build on that and feel good about yourself, just for a little while, and then using those little periods of time when you feel a little better to get something else done, to achieve something else. Every time you achieve something, you eat away a little of the depression just as it used to eat away at you. It can take a while. I'm still working at it, but things are improving, bit by bit. I've got my first self-published product about to go out (as soon as I prod the artist into finishing the last couple of pieces...) and just seeing that up on the store, even if it doesn't sell a single copy, will be another achievement I can build on.
I've found the trick is to know your limitations, not to start something too big - because the inability to see it through can just set you back a step once you think of yourself as a failure. Do the small things, accept that you can't do the big ones just yet.
Five years ago I tried doing my degree through an online course with the Open University. I just about managed my first assignment before things got too bad to continue. I started again last year, and I'm now on year two of a four-year plan. It's a struggle, but I've got this far - seeing it through to the end is achievable. It's the equivalent to a three-year full-time course, but I've intentionally stretched it out a little, knowing that I can't commit the number of hours I'd need to do it the normal way.
During counseling I was warned that there's no one way to beat depression, it's different for everyone. So, what I've said above may not work for everyone. But, I've written it in case it can help someone out there.
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I've had depression (no idea what severity, I haven't been able to afford any sort of help) for nearly two decades. Sometimes I lack motivation, especially for anything that isn't immediately necessary. Overall though, I'm highly functional.
I'm not sure if high functioning can be an inherited or learned behaviour, but if so I have to give credit to my father, as he was a highly functional alcoholic. It's helped me to avoid having the kind of "can't even get out of bed" days that were commonplace for my mother (who had major depression).
Thanks to the ACA I stand to have health insurance for the first time since Clinton was president, and I intend to get some help. I can't encourage you enough to do likewise. It's easy to talk yourself out of getting help, and it's all too easy to "forget" to make an appointment, but it really is important, and could become a matter of life and death. You're worth the effort.
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Based on my own experience, and that of many people I talked with, you need 2 things to get out of depression : Medication and Therapy.
- Medication because depression has basically rewired your brain through chemical unbalance into thinking dark thoughts. This makes it incredibly hard to get out of it through sheer will. Actually, I have come to believe that the people with the strongest will are also those who go into the deepest depression, as if all their energy and will was used against them. Medication is the key to counter this chemical unbalance so that you actually get your energy back and can use it to get out of the depression.
Note that since the medication is a drug with strong effects on the brain, you should by all means avoid self-medication. Get it from a practician with experience in this field and who will help you manage your relation to the drug.
- Therapy because what pushes people in depression is anchored in the psyche. To come back from a depression, you have to face your inner demons and overcome them. This also cannot be done alone. You need help from an experienced therapist who you feel you can really trust. Do not hesitate to see several until you find the one that you trust enough.
Note that this means you need help from 2 different people : one to help you manage the medication and one to help with the therapy.
Without medication, the therapy cannot really hold because the chemical unbalance in the brain saps its foundations.
Without therapy, you are only treating the symptom and not the root cause.
Note also that even after getting back from depression, you are likely to experience smaller depressions later on, though not as pronounced as the first one. Do not be afraid that you are sinking once more. Those are quite normal and you will get better soon. Medication and therapy can also help for those. Depression is like having your bones broken. Even after being healed, they will still be a bit prone to being broken again ;-)
I think im depressed but will not be seeking any help because i believe im dealing with it well. Might not be the best idea but it's working for me so far
People treat mental problems so differently from physical ones. Imagine if someone said they think they have malaria, but they won't seek help because they're dealing with it well.
I've made the best of a bad situation for years myself, it's not a great way to live.
Actually "ignore it and hope it goes away" is a pretty time-worn way to deal with physical ailments, too.
Stereotypically men, but I remember I knew a woman who ignored a growth inside her (how she knew it was there I don't recall) and when it was finally removed it was the size of a tennis ball.
Actually "ignore it and hope it goes away" is a pretty time-worn way to deal with physical ailments, too.
Stereotypically men, but I remember I knew a woman who ignored a growth inside her (how she knew it was there I don't recall) and when it was finally removed it was the size of a tennis ball.
Sounds like my grandfather. His refrain is that nothing's wrong, until it gets to where he has to go to the doctor. Then he ignores what they tell him about restricted activity. Stubborn is a kind description. Yet he's made it past 80 with no obvious end in sight, not for lack of trying though.
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Whenever I suggest that my hetero life partner go to the doctor, he just looks at me and goes "Quack quack quack!"
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This is a question for those of you who are victims of severe clinical depression, like me. I have a lot of things that I'm interested in, but when it comes to actually doing them, I just can't muster up the emotional strength to even start. And when I do manage to do so, I don't stick with it. How do you get around this problem?
Aside from highly randomized bouts of stick-to-itiveness, the only thing that can get my motivation up for more than short periods is medication. Therapy is helpful as well, of course, but that's mostly to keep me focused on the progress made while taking meds so that I don't neglect them and encourage building up strong social ties so that there's people who can tell when something's not right and try to intervene.
And Andrew R, please seek help, even its just some informal counseling. "Handling it" isn't enough long-term because even if you can get through the worst day you've had, you might not be able to get through the worst day you're capable of. Just become something is working so far doesn't mean it's correct; a cow thinks it's well cared for every day until it's slaughtered, each day making it more certain of its happy state even as its death draws closer. The last time I thought I was handling it was just before spiraling into months of isolation that culminated in a failed suicide attempt. I got lucky. Please don't rely on getting lucky.
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Do yourself and your loved ones a favor seek help. There is no shame in seeing a psychiatrist. I did and now I feel a whole lot better. Good luck to you
I've been seeing therapists for 6 years now. While not a perfect panacea, I think I'm a bit better off for it. I also take a battery of meds which help, but usually just barely.
I do what I can to keep myself occupied, but it's often very hard. I have a hard time concentrating now so reading or game planning can be really difficult. I have a friend who writes and records his own music and I've been helping with the mixing on that, so that gives me something to do for the moment.
Thanks for the encouragement and advice, everyone!
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I have severe clinical depression. Mostly it's been handled by therapy and medication, plus a desire to get better. When I find myself unable to do something I want to do, I set a small goal for myself. Most recently, I have been wanting to write more, with the eventual goal of being published. I was writing about a page a day in my journal, so I set the goal of writing an average of two pages a day. It took me about ten days to do it.
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Do yourself and your loved ones a favor seek help. There is no shame in seeing a psychiatrist. I did and now I feel a whole lot better. Good luck to youI've been seeing therapists for 6 years now. While not a perfect panacea, I think I'm a bit better off for it. I also take a battery of meds which help, but usually just barely.
I do what I can to keep myself occupied, but it's often very hard. I have a hard time concentrating now so reading or game planning can be really difficult. I have a friend who writes and records his own music and I've been helping with the mixing on that, so that gives me something to do for the moment.
Thanks for the encouragement and advice, everyone!
Doing something with other people has been the most helpful in feeling productive for me. It's not always easy to arrange, however... "What do you mean you have a life of your own? Are your kids and wife really more important than ME?!?" ;-)
Not all things are conductive to being done with others, though (e.g. reading).It's not that I need "help" from others to do anything (I'm quite capable with regards to many things, a highly intelligent jack-of-all trades, but am hindered by this stupid brain-induced avolition), just someone being in the same room can prod me into being more active/productive, however.
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We have game night tonight and I just finished updating my character and cleaning house for the group. That helped a bit!
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I think im depressed but will not be seeking any help because i believe im dealing with it well. Might not be the best idea but it's working for me so farPeople treat mental problems so differently from physical ones. Imagine if someone said they think they have malaria, but they won't seek help because they're dealing with it well.
I've made the best of a bad situation for years myself, it's not a great way to live.
I have plenty of physical pain too, got good at ignoring it too
I got depressed once. It tasted like blueberries and ear wax.
In all seriousness, all I really had to fight depression was sleep. Tried to force myself to eat as I kept telling myself I had to but I'd just throw it up later on. Apparently, nutrition is not wanted when your body wants to shut down and forget you exist. Took me several months of this passive, blurry existence, which I kept to myself and a couple of friends, before I mustered enough energy to pick myself up and move on. It was sincerely life-changing and I've done everything in my power to keep from falling that far.
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I have plenty of physical pain too, got good at ignoring it tooI think im depressed but will not be seeking any help because i believe im dealing with it well. Might not be the best idea but it's working for me so farPeople treat mental problems so differently from physical ones. Imagine if someone said they think they have malaria, but they won't seek help because they're dealing with it well.
I've made the best of a bad situation for years myself, it's not a great way to live.
That works for awhile. If your car starts making an unusual noise you can decide to ignore it, but it's usually a sign that something is wrong. Left alone it may become a worse problem. Many problems are easier to solve when you deal with them early.
...stuff...Good luck, Matt! :)
Thank you! :)
I have severe depression. I take medication, but therapists have given up on me. I've got nothing.
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but therapists have given up on me
Huh? That is not good sign... And not about you as such but about your choice of and/or availability of therapists in your region.
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td;drt
I just finished a book on habits. The descriptor is why we do what we do in work and life. It is helping me to change my habit of playing cards to a habit of going to the gym. In your case, if you have trouble continuing an activity, try making it part of a schedule. For instance if you wish 10k posts on the paizo website, start with after breakfast i'll read and post once, or i'll just visit the site for 1/2 hour tomorrow. Then increase the post/time as you feel more comfortable. The thing about habits is they are somewhat unconscious. We preserve brainpower by just following a routine without thinking about it. That is nice especially when you're thinking too much. gl hf.
I do feel you.
Another insite that I got from a friend and continued up on is meditation. I read some books by eckhart tolle and the reading and follow up activity have helped me to be more present. I'm making a habit of spending 10 minutes focused on the present per day. I set a timer and try and observe what I think about instead of embodying it as well as feeling my body with thought. The Eckhart books did slightly mess with my sense of reality. I'm glad i took the lessons from it, but practicing i've found is more helpful than learning excessively. gl
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I'm glad you are receiving help Cal. I'll echo what everybody is saying here although as a Mental Health professional I'm more inclined to say try therapy first before medication but to each their own.
As this is a good as place as any to provide insight into how this process works and perhaps reduce some of the anxiety of getting mental health treatment and to shed light on some of the myths.
First things first: The current system in place for providing mental health treatment is not perfect. I feel this is a good place to start because it is easy to become discouraged at trying to get immediate help and having to wait weeks or even perhaps months to get the kind of help that you feel that you need. But I encourage you to see it through because it only delays the process by getting out of the system. This usually applies for Community Mental Health Centers and not private practice providers which may have their own hurdles usually in the realms of having to require a consult with a doctor in order for insurance to pay for services or not being able to be seen by this private provider due to lack of funds on your part.
If you do go to a Community Mental Health Center, the person who initially assesses you may not be your ongoing provider. This too can be discouraging because the assessment process is akin to being interrogated. (I often make this joke in order to reduce anxiety.) The assessor will likely ask you questions that have absolutely no bearing on what your problem is...that is from your perspective but it is often important from a "whole person" standpoint. Often symptom severity is determined by how it impacts your level of functioning. Also, don't worry about having to "retell" your story because the point of the assessment process is to have an unbiased view on your symptoms that your therapist will read. I know personally I would read assessments and then ask just a few questions to verify that the person doing the assessment did their job.
Lastly, I'll talk about therapist. They come in a variety of types and have a variety of skill sets. It is entirely possible that the person you are assigned to may not be a good fit and that's ok. In such a case it is better to let that person know you don't feel it is working out and ask to be transferred to a different provider. There are other times where you may not feel therapy is working but I assure you that therapy does work if you have confidence that it will. Finally, don't be surprised if you don't make "sweeping changes" right away. It often takes a lot to get someone to the point where they feel they need mental health treatment and it often takes a bit to get that person to feeling better.
There is one other thing I want to discuss. I noticed that several people discussed how depression "doesn't go away" and that the best you can hope for is "managing the symptoms". This is not 100% true and it is possible to significantly reduce symptoms to the point where you are better able to manage future flare-ups. One of the biggest misconceptions of mental health is that things like depression or anxiety are "not normal" and that "normal" people shouldn't feel depressed or anxious. Truthfully, "normal" people should be feeling these emotions, they are apart of what makes us human. I often tell people if we didn't feel depressed, how would we ever know we were happy? The real trick to mental health as in most things is moderation. A little depression is healthy, a whole lot is overwhelming.
I've had depression (no idea what severity, I haven't been able to afford any sort of help) for nearly two decades. Sometimes I lack motivation, especially for anything that isn't immediately necessary. Overall though, I'm highly functional.
I'm not sure if high functioning can be an inherited or learned behaviour, but if so I have to give credit to my father, as he was a highly functional alcoholic. It's helped me to avoid having the kind of "can't even get out of bed" days that were commonplace for my mother (who had major depression).
Thanks to the ACA I stand to have health insurance for the first time since Clinton was president, and I intend to get some help. I can't encourage you enough to do likewise. It's easy to talk yourself out of getting help, and it's all too easy to "forget" to make an appointment, but it really is important, and could become a matter of life and death. You're worth the effort.
Scythia, I did a double-take when as I was reading your post, because that's the exact same situation I'm with my parents: my mom has major (medicated) depression, and my dad is a very high-functioning alcoholic. I inherited the depression, and I also have GPD, so I'm being treated (meds and therapy) for both. I really do hate having to take the anti-depressant; it affects my weight as well as my mood - but I've tried going without it, and that was actually pretty scary. So I take my pills and go to my appointments, try to get lots of exercise and enough sleep, and remind myself (a lot) that I'm jolly well not going to waste the time and effort I've put into it. Besides, it's yet another great reason for chocolate [/fangy grin]!
but therapists have given up on meHuh? That is not good sign... And not about you as such but about your choice of and/or availability of therapists in your region.
Yeah, it's not nice to hear, "I'm sorry, I don't believe there's any way we can help you."
In my case it's bipolar disorder not depression. Depressive episodes are a part of it, but it's a little different kind of depression and I don't know if the same things will work for both, but I don't think it could hurt. The time I was functioning the best and most free of sever symptoms was when I practiced yoga every day (asanas, mudras and parnayama). I also had a good diet at that time.
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It may sound stupid, but HabitRPG is helping. I did not expect it, but soon found this is an excellent depression management tool, perhaps in the category of behavior mod.
Once you sign up (free!) and set up your character, put all those day-to-day things that enhance your well-being but are so hard to do when depressed into the Habits column. Mine are as simple as showering, brushing teeth, eating a piece of fruit, checking email, picking up trash, etc. For some reason, I respond to the 'check it off the list' visual reminder motivation better than to the 'it's good for me' sort. PLUS, you get XP for doing them.
The habits and daily show up fresh each day so you have to do them again to get more XP and turn your screen green. You can't lose this to-do list.
This also helps me keep tabs on how bad my state of mind is on a given day, even when I'm out of touch with my feelings. If I'm having a hard time checking off the easy stuff, I know it's time to meditate for a few minutes, or really hit the list hard. Getting things off there gives me a feeling of accomplishment, and accomplishing the things on my list puts me in a better place because I'm clean, dressed, have eaten something healthy, have improved my surroundings, etc.
Maybe it will help you guys, too. Best of luck in the fight.
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Whenever I suggest that my hetero life partner go to the doctor, he just looks at me and goes "Quack quack quack!"
{immediately pictures Gilbert Gottfried and Doodlebug bubble-bubble-bubbling together and writing jokes/movie scripts}
It may sound stupid, but HabitRPG is helping. I did not expect it, but soon found this is an excellent depression management tool, perhaps in the category of behavior mod.
Once you sign up (free!) and set up your character, put all those day-to-day things that enhance your well-being but are so hard to do when depressed into the Habits column. Mine are as simple as showering, brushing teeth, eating a piece of fruit, checking email, picking up trash, etc. For some reason, I respond to the 'check it off the list' visual reminder motivation better than to the 'it's good for me' sort. PLUS, you get XP for doing them.
The habits and daily show up fresh each day so you have to do them again to get more XP and turn your screen green. You can't lose this to-do list.
This also helps me keep tabs on how bad my state of mind is on a given day, even when I'm out of touch with my feelings. If I'm having a hard time checking off the easy stuff, I know it's time to meditate for a few minutes, or really hit the list hard. Getting things off there gives me a feeling of accomplishment, and accomplishing the things on my list puts me in a better place because I'm clean, dressed, have eaten something healthy, have improved my surroundings, etc.
Maybe it will help you guys, too. Best of luck in the fight.
Hmm, very interesting. I'm participating in a short course on neuropsychology and this kind of check-list app has come up regarding executive functions and how to train them.
I'll be sure to bring it up as an excellent example and might even try it out myself. :-)| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
It may sound stupid, but HabitRPG is helping. I did not expect it, but soon found this is an excellent depression management tool, perhaps in the category of behavior mod.
It may sound stupid, but HabitRPG is helping. I did not expect it, but soon found this is an excellent depression management tool, perhaps in the category of behavior mod.Different, but related.
That was really intresting. I've never seen anything like that before.
My therapist actually told me that I would never be cured and I may as well expect this go on the rest of my life. I asked her why I was continuing to see her then, aside from her paycheck. That session didn't end well.
Sounds like you need a new therapist. It is not a guarantee that mental health problems will persist for the remainder of your life due to changes in your brain chemistry and other factors. Let's be honest, you will be depressed like most human beings are supposed to but the idea is that your depression will not overrun your life as it has in the past and you will be able to have a "normal" life beyond it.
One of the common misconceptions about mental health is that Depression, Anxiety and what not are somehow "not normal". This is completely untrue. People are anxious, depressed, angry, etc. all the time the difference between these people and those individuals who are having difficulties with such things are duration and frequency of symptoms. A "normal" person may be depressed for upwards of a day about an event that is of a minor disruption to their every day life whereas someone with severe major depression may be depressed for weeks or even months.
A major difference comes in the idea of resiliency. A lot of these so called "disorders" can be recovered from and can be mostly prevented from future outbreaks with the concept of resiliency. If your therapist isn't working towards getting you out of therapy, then it may be time to get a new therapist.
Bottom line...it may be time to get a new therapist.
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My therapist actually told me that I would never be cured and I may as well expect this go on the rest of my life. I asked her why I was continuing to see her then, aside from her paycheck. That session didn't end well.
That is why i don't bother, i do not see my depression as something that can be cured. It is simply a matter of "life sucks" so why give up a ton of money on top of everything else.
Depression can be "cured". What you will not have is no depression for the rest of your life. That is unreasonable.
The idea that you will be in therapy the rest of your life is false as well. Usually people who do end up in therapy for that long are due to circumstances beyond just "life sucking" (usually involving trauma or long term personality problems).
Heck, you don't even have to do therapy to get better, it's just AN option, not THE option. The major hurdle to getting better is the belief that you won't. Trust me as a professional and a sufferer of depression myself.
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Personally, my biggest obstacle for treatment was my unwillingness to take pills, but after speaking with a second professional who had the same recommendation i.e. get on some meds and then continue with therapy things improved rapidly.
I am happy to report that I am no longer in therapy and doing pretty well.
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Hmmm... I am also a professional in the field, and a sufferer of depressions, and my view differs from Mythic JMD031's. Or maybe my terminology is the main difference.
Depression is not a natural, or healthy state of mind. It doesn't serve any purpose for the person suffering from it. There is no "point" to it, indeed, no "reason" for it such as trauma or the like. Depression is a gravely unhealthy, pathological disorder that comes with a significant risk, both for suicide, and for most other kinds of health problems. Survival after a heart infarction or a stroke, for example, is very much related to whether the person gets depressed, and if so, if they get proper treatment for it. It also carries a significant risk for substance abuse problems. It is NOT something you want to accept. Depression is terrible.
There is a terminological problem here. People believe that depression equals sadness, because the term has found its way into common language, you know, "I was so depressed when I heard of the earthquake in China". It is not really about being sad, though. It's an inability to feel happiness when you normally would. The brain can't form positive images, or at least have a very hard time doing so. It's like wearing black sunglasses: Everything you look at gets darker, even yourself, your future and your past. Without being able to make images of succeeding, when the best you can expect is "almost adequate", you will not succeed at much, so, after several months of this, you start forming new habits of thought. Like all habits, it takes a while, upward of six months, and depressions last six to eighteen months on average. You start seeing yourself as a loser, basically, because somehow you need to protect your self-image from failing to reach where you should. You lower your expectations.
There used to be made a difference between exogenous and endogenous depressions, i.e. those caused by external situations and those caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. In all probability, this was the result of a simple enough fact: The first depression people get, usually in their early teens, DOES usually occur at a time of turmoil and stress (then again, aren't most people stressed in their early teens?). Recurring episodes, though, do not show this. Nor have we been able to discern any qualitative difference between the supposedly exogenous and endogenous depressions as regards symptoms, duration, treatment, or anything else. The field of dynamic psychotherapy, which focuses on dealing with the "original cause" of the disorder for the purpose of getting the disorder better, has not managed any quantitative studies to back up any form of results. The current view is that "depression happens", and the treatment is the same. One exception is SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder, which happens at a certain time of year (late fall or early spring, usually), but again, doesn't affect treatment. Depressions are common, very common, and between a third and half the population is expected to have them at some point in their lives.
As for treatment, there are two main options: Antidepressants, and cognitive psychotherapy. The point of antidepressants is to counter the effect of the depression while it lasts (so you will probably need them for around a year or so the first time). Neuroimaging has shown that after the depressed brain has lost a significant amount of connections between the neurons, antidepressant treatment can in fact restore those connections. Effects come within four to six weeks, and the side effects are mild enough that there is little risk in trying them. This was not always the case; older antidepressant drugs were significantly more problematic with overdoses, for example. However, you're still stuck with your new habits of thought. You still consider yourself a failure and expect failure. What is needed then is a new bout of changing habits, which is where cognitive psychotherapy comes in. The principle is that you need to increase your stimulation, do the things you used to enjoy even if they feel kind of pointless now, and set goals you can meet to prove to yourself that you can succeed. This takes time, again upward of six months. Physical exercise also works, but the effect is limited compared to the other two methods, and thus, you shouldn't aim to do only this to cure your depression. If nothing else, it's going to be very tough to keep it up. Depression is ALWAYS treatable... but getting it right can take a while, so keep trying even if the first attempt doesn't manage.
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I'm glad you posted that, Sissyl, because my worst bout of depression was not sadness, it was a complete lack of emotion for months and months. It was actually pretty subtle because it didn't involve sadness, crying, etc. I finally said something to my GP because I was utterly apathetic as to whether I ever woke up again, and my reason told me that this was not normal.
After a few apathetic weeks on an SSRI, I woke up one morning and thought 'what a pretty morning'. But that day, I felt it, too. I was glad to see the morning. And that was the beginning of the climb out of the hole. There was no dramatic breakthrough. In fact, I hate the 'hug and cry' movies wherein a sudden change fixes everything. That doesn't happen. It may be part of the climb, but it doesn't get you out of that deep hole. Trying every day is what gets you out. Using all the tools at your disposal is what gets you out. It's a long, hard slog and that shadow is always there, waiting, even when you feel better.
Movies do not understand the process, or they ignore it because it's a better story if it happens suddenly. The only movie I saw it handled reasonably well was Silver linings playbook, though the disorder there is not depression as such.
One more comment on what you wrote, Treppa: Depression is a matter of emotions. One valid way of looking at our emotions is that they are a way for us to speed up our decision-making, and indeed, there is research that shows us that most of our decisions are decided by emotional factors. That's why, if our emotional lives do not function, we shut down. Nor can we really analyze our own situation well, because when you're depressed, your first order of priority is to FIND A CAUSE. We do so quickly, no matter the relevance of the cause we found (I have heard things like an elderly man saying he is depressed because of what someone called him when he was ten), and then we have our cause. If we seek a cure, we try to handle the cause we found.
But... our REASONING is not necessarily impaired. We CAN see that, intellectually, things aren't as they should be. It's just that our decision making process is still hijacked and shut down.
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Last time I was depressed to the point of incapacity, I was thirty years old and spent a month in bed reading Gunter Grass's The Tin Drum which was also about a 30-year-old.
It didn't help at all, lemme tell you.
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I am not any kind of professional, but I was depressed in a Holiday Inn one night.
Disclaimer, YMMV:
Recently I've been more productive and organized than usual. Chicken and egg of which came first, but a general calming has taken place. What was helpful at the ansy time was to set a timer and meditate for 10 minutes. (It has been mentioned in this thread a few times about meditation helping.) I would read sometimes after meditating, or just when I felt like it. Sometimes it was hard to read, and I needed to re-read a paragarph or page because my mind was wandering. It has gotten easier. This is also a note to myself in case I later become less organized and more chaotic & ansy. GL to you too though.
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I'm also suffering from depression, and while I use both medication and therapy, they're not an instant cure-all, at least not for me. They've gotten me away from the lowest of lows so that I'm not at risk of jumping off a bridge anymore, but they haven't really improved my ability to get day-to-day things done very much. Maybe a little bit, but not much.
I think part of the necessary process is expectation management. As a physical analogy, there are separate paralympics for a reason. You wouldn't put a guy in a wheelchair in the same race as healthy marathon runners. I'm not healthy and I'm not going to be able to accomplish the same sorts of things as healthy people. I just need to convince myself of that. I'm never going to be a Nobelist and it's not likely I'll ever write a NY Times best-seller. What I can do, however, is survive another day. Surviving another day has two great benefits:
1) You might get something done. Even if it's managing to clean your room once a year, it's still *something*. It won't be anywhere *near* the amount that a normal, healthy person will get done in that one day, but this is the proverbial paralympics -- I need to learn that measuring myself by normal standards is only depressing me more and that's why I need to stop doing that.
2) You might heal a little bit. Every day you survive carries the chance that your ability to get things done will improve.
So just hanging in there and trying to get through each day is what works for me. I try not to make any long-term plans which I will inescapably fail and therefore flog myself and depress myself further into inaction.
Crawling that one step, one half-step forward is all I need to do. I can't run that marathon, but I can crawl that one step forward. One thing at a time, and don't hold yourself to healthy peoples' standards.
Just my two completely subjective cents though.
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Let me start by saying I, nor is anyone else commenting here, a "whiner". But hopefully the community of depression victims on the boards can find help from each other (I get inspiration from folks here) and inform others what we go through.
Now, having said that, I've finally managed to pull myself out of bed after 3 days. I made Kool-Aid. Before that it was water and cheese sandwiches because I just couldn't bring myself to make the effort. This is the longest stretch I've been awake since Saturday. Maybe I'm coming out of the pit for awhile. I might even put bread on the sandwich next!