2014 Critique my Wondrous Item thread

[Landon Cole]

I'd be interested in anyone's thoughts on my entry:

Lock of a Legend’s Hair
Aura strong universal; CL 13th
Slot none; Price 5,000 gp; Weight –

Description
This appears to be a small talisman of golden, semi-transparent resin, perhaps held in a simple finding or hung on a chain. With a closer look, you can see a hank of hair inside, taken at death from a hero so great that their very name is legend. By spending a standard action concentrating on the lock and the mighty deeds of the hero who gave the hair, a character who has no mythic tiers can gain a fleeting moment of greatness.

Until the end of their next round, the character may use any item that grants extra abilities when wielded by a mythic character as if they had one mythic tier. They also gain one mythic pool point which they can use up to the end of their next round. If they do not use the point by then, it is lost. The mythic pool point can only be expended to power an item’s ability. Such abilities last for as long as they would if a character with mythic tiers had activated them.

The lock has no effect for characters with any mythic tiers. Once activated, the lock loses all power and becomes mundane and valueless other than as a curiosity.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, limited wish; Cost 2,500 gp

[Perignan]

Same here. If you would like to share your thoughts, i would welcome them.

Eye Sockets Bracer
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 7th
Slot wrist; Price 56,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
When this chitin bracer is created, it has four empty eye sockets. These sockets can each be filled by a pair of eyes from any creature. To do so, the wearer needs to touch the eyes of a dead creature, transferring them in the bracer.

Once at least a pair of eyes is absorbed, the wearer can switch those eyes with his, once per day, with no duration limit. If the creature which eyes you switch to has any of the following abilities, you gain the listed ability: racial perception bonus, darkvision, low-light vision, see in darkness, light sensitivity, light blindness. Furthermore, if the creature had a gaze attack, the wearer is immune to this gaze attack while he has the creature’s eyes.

The wearer’s eyes are transferred into the bracer while the power is in effect. Removing the bracer can only be done while the wearer has his own eyes or is dead.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, alter self Cost 28,000 gp

[Jacob W. Michaels]

Landon Cole wrote:

I'd be interested in anyone's thoughts on my entry:

Lock of a Legend’s Hair

I liked this one a lot for its playing with the new rules, but I think it got caught up a little in the fact the rules are new.

I feel like if people are using the mythic rules, chances are they're going to have mythic tiers fairly early, so this has no benefit. If they're not using mythic tiers, are they going to want to make this the one thing they do use from that rule set? And it's actually got to be NOT just one thing, since they'd have to have some other mythic item that they couldn't activate most of the time.

I'm not sure if it was maybe intended for a villain opposing mythic PCs or a PC minion, but I just couldn't quite see how I'd use this.

[James Raine]

Pandora's wrote:

Grumpus wrote:

I don't feel qualified to critique, but I wanted to call out a few items that I loved and upvoted everytime!

My 3 favorites were:
Tricksters calling card
Jesters Drinking Buddy
Cloak of the pestilent trespasser

They all invoked great visuals in my imagination, which is what I tried to achieve with my item.

Thanks, it really is good to hear that someone liked the Calling Card. I won't be submitting a similar item again, however, and I suggest others do the same. While I personally enjoy items that provide roleplaying opportunities and cause cinematic sequences, they are not popular with the community. It is a simple numbers game. I would expect to use only 3 of the top 32 items when not under initiative and they all solve a very specific problem PCs deal with rather than bestowing new abilities. If every class cannot use it in combat, don't bother.

please explain to me how "cinematic and role playing potential" is a concept that is inversely proportional to "combat usefulness".

[Andrew Black]

Jaragil wrote:

Runestrip of Enchanting, Lesser

I saw this item several times during the voting and while I like the name and the concept, it did not often get my vote.

First, as a DM I didn't like the idea of stashing the "needed" power in the characters backpack. The reason we select different monsters with different types of DR's immunities, or special abilities is to provide the characters with a challenge. If a party of adventures has an assortment of runestraps in their bags of holding they are ready to face any challenge making this item unintentionally become a Swiss Army Knife for the PC's.

As a player I didn't think this was very cost effective since it can only transfer +1 abilities and to apply it to higher bonus weapons it cost even more. If I really want a weapon with a specific power or powers I can just go get someone to craft that for a lot less.

The times that you did get my up vote it was because I liked the creative idea, but I don't think you took it far enough. In fact the things you say the item can not do might actually be what would have made this item shine for me. The ability to put a keen ability on a blunt weapon for instance, or to provide a magical bonus to a non-magical item in a pinch.

Thanks for sharing your Item with us Jaragil.

[Andrew Black]

Harker Wade wrote:

Thank you for any feedback...

Cloak of the Pestilent Trespasser

I saw your Item a few times during the voting process and unless it went up against one of my favorites it did get my vote.

I liked the ideas behind it and I like the spells you chose for the crafting requirements. Pestilence in a fantasy game is very fitting, and as a DM I think I'd like to have one of my villains wearing it. That said I wouldn't want several of these floating around my game world which makes this a better adventure hook or plot line device for me.

As a player I wouldn't care for it much since it would affect my allies as well as my foes. I typically play good aligned characters who would as soon destroy this then wear it...which again leads me to see this as a story hook vs an item to stick in a treasure horde.

Thanks for sharing your item with us Harker, as I write this I am thinking of a way to insert it into a campaign that I just started DMing.

[Forgotten Knight]

Myriad Scabbard
Aura Moderate Conjuration; CL 9th
Slot None; Price 2,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This black scabbard seems plain and well used. However the magic of the item is revealed upon attempting to sheath a blade. When the tip of a sword or dagger is placed within the mouth of the scabbard, the scabbard adjusts to fit the size of the blade. Upon releasing the hilt of the sword or dagger the weapon vanishes 1 round later, allowing another blade to be inserted. The scabbard can hold up to 6 different blades of any size or type. As a swift action, the wielder can grasp the mouth of the scabbard, and cause the hilt of any blade within to appear. The hilt will remain for 1 round before vanishing again. The scabbard weighs the same no matter what is placed inside.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, secret chest; Cost 1000 gp

I would appreciate any feedback offered.
Thanks

[isdestroyer]

Cloak of Inversion
Aura faint illusion; CL 3rd
Slot neck; Price 9000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This cloak is made of a shear black material that seems to shift in the opposite direction of any light source.

Once per day as a free action, you and your shadow switch places. Your shadow becomes three dimensional, but remains in every other way, a shadow (it is incorporeal, it cannot affect objects, etc.). You become two dimensional and are treated as if you had the Prone condition due to the disorienting perspective, but you retain all of your natural movement speeds. If you have a fly speed, you remain on the ground while your shadow fly's through the air.

While the effect is activated, you move like a shadow, flowing up, over, and under objects. You are treated as being in the square that your shadow is in, though you seem to stretch across multiple squares. This is an illusionary effect.

You gain a +5 competence bonus on stealth checks, and opponents have a 50% miss chance against you.

The effects of the cloak last for up to 1 hour. If you end the effect before the hour is up, you may not reactivate it again until the next day. Ending the effect is a free action.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, displacement; Cost 4500 gp

One mistake I know I made was the miss chance was 20% when I submitted it. And yes, this basically a SIAC, but I was hoping it was flavorful enough to look past that. :)

My original idea was the Orb of Inversion, but I wanted to keep the cost down as I think expensive items probably see less play.

[Steven Helt]

I will critique any items sent to my inbox, so if you have a monster entry and wonder how you would have done in roumd two, send her my way.

[Feros]

I’m going to do this one page at a time.

First Page Critiques (Except for Mine):

Manservant Mannequin:

Interesting idea, especially for placing it at the edge of camp in full armor. And there are numerous ways in which it could be used. What I have found, however, is that an item is in need of a cool visual element in order to catch the imagination of voters. This magic item would be great for a book of items, but lacks the visual appeal to attract voter response.

Shawl, Spell-Mirror:

Far too expensive. You made it clear in the explanation that this was on purpose, but the voters had no way of knowing that. I like the visual image of the reflection off a silver clothes item, but a shawl is not exactly the apotheosis of cool. I get that you were trying to come up with something other than a cloak, but a jacket, robes, cape, or a coat would have worked far better.

Bracelet of the Peaceful Dove:

Interesting idea with very unique imagery. I think the problem here is that it is a mostly social interaction item that actually penalizes one form of social interaction. Great for honest negotiations; leave it home for any form of infiltration scenario. Definitely a niche campaign item rather than one that can be used by many. Within the niche it is designed for it’s great!

Provocateur’s Pamphlet:

This is a plot device far more than a magic tem. That said it is a great plot device! Wonderful for political campaigns and insurrection style adventures, it is a very cool take on revolutionary literature. However, it is a little to specific and not tied to a great visual image.

Boots of Spellwalking:

I think the primary problem here is confusion. It allows movement and spell-casting, but also it implies that it can be used for the somatic components of spells? You mention that if the boots are used for this for a spell with a duration longer than instantaneous, a concentration check is required. Yet you never actually say that this can be done. Interesting idea, but this needed a few more editorial passes for clarity.

Abiding Light:

Very neat visual image combined with a powerful effect for only 4,000 gp. The price is far too low for a +4 on Will saves and the ability to dismiss magic if consumed. If it had been a +2 bonus, it would have been more in balance.

Battleforge Gauntlets:

One of my personal favorites and in my keep file! :)

The only problem I can see here is that it may be too good. Always having the weapon you want at hand without having to carry it with you? These are a thrown weapon experts dream. Add in being able to make them out of energy forms (like fire with flame properties) puts it over the top.

Astral Thief’s Opera Gloves:

I get that these are designed to allow someone to pilfer from bags of holding and the like, and also act as unarmed strike damage supplements. But the second glove (quicksilver) is a little confusing. If you can reach into the bag and remove things with it, why have the second glove at all? How does allow you to “escape from a dreadful opera”? I think you should have stuck with just the first glove on both hands. This one tried to do more than was needed.

Spellmason's Mallet:

The first item I saw this year! This item tries to do too much. This is something I have been learning to my chagrin over the past two years: simplify. The hammer shaping wall spells would have been sufficient. The adding abilities after that are unneeded extras.

Stanhope of Bloody Roots:

While a unique plot device for reading through the family of a target (with cool imagery, BTW), why does it disfigure witches? I can see no reason why a witch (with scar hex a requirement a witch has to make this item) would make an item for checking on a person’s family and have it lay a scar hex on witches. Also if the GM hasn’t developed a family for the target whose hair or blood is added, this becomes a game stopper or of little actual use.

Spellsnaring Gauntlets:

As you seem aware, these probably should have been called ray-snaring gauntlets. A neat item, but very niche. Perhaps making them able to absorb energy of a certain types? Then fire that back as a ray power or a melee strike. Just a thought.

Bullet-Catching Duster:

This is a great, solid, magic item. Well-built and good to go. The only problem? It lacks anything fancy. The gunfighter’s poncho is far more evocative in the imagery department. This item needs a really cool visual.

Lake Maker Spigot:

Effectively this item can replicate most of the functions of a decanter of endless water for a far lower price. It is never a good idea to come close to replicating an already existing item, especially one that has been in the game from the very beginning. And you shouldn’t use expressions like, “On its own the spigot does nothing…” It weakens the image of the item and makes it less wonderful to the mind.

Cloak of a Thousand Daggers:

I liked the visuals and the concept here, but an extra attack for a swift action every round? Yes, it is only a dagger, but that adds up quickly. Add in a free counter-attack on every single non-reach melee strike against the wearer and this is just too good an item. The power of the cloak should have been scaled back considerably.

Taxonomist’s Codex:

Neat idea, the book that helps defeat the enemy through knowledge of its weaknesses. But try and get an image in your head of a pitched battle in which one of the combatants is reading a book. How dramatic is that? Book items might be able to effect combat results, but I really question them being used in the midst of battle beyond as an improvised weapon.

Cloak of the Shadow Twin:

Neat idea of the shadow duplicate. Still, having this available for up to five combats per day is a bit much, even if it is not quite as effective in combat as the wearer. It is very combat oriented, as a limited 1 minute unseen servant isn’t of much use.

Tabard of Sanguine Symbiosis:

I’ll be clear: wearing a blood drinking fungus killed this item for me. There is also a lot of number keeping with this item in combat, likely changing the DR and bleed damage on a round for round basis. Penalizing a wearer for a benefit is only good when the benefit is greater than the penalty. I’m not sure that balance was achieved here.

Sanguine Gem:

Right off the bat let’s give the reason you shouldn’t use “favored by”: if we can’t figure out who would find it useful by reading the description, telling us won’t help with the clarity. In addition, this item suffers from being a one-shot item that can potentially kill its user. The blood-magic angle is also lost by not using Constitution damage or bleed damage.

Sibilant Sistrum:

I would have changed the Perform check into only someone trained in Perform (percussion) as anyone with even 1 rank in that skill could almost automatically make the check. Also Constitution damage is usually associated with Fort saves, not Will. The imagery is very cool though.

Bracer of Forceful Restraint:

The energy force leash is a very good visual image, but is it really necessary to weaken the wearer when fighting extra-dimensional escape? Good for story telling purposes I would say, but not really all that useful considering the low costs on dimensional anchor spells and scrolls overall.

Glove of Face Filching:

This isn’t really face filching as it is mouth filching. Having a working mouth on your hand is more than a little odd. While of some use against spell casters, it would be of little use elsewise except in very specific situations. That’s not a very versatile option for something as important as a hand slot.

Bloody Sheath of the Bravo:

Once more with the “favored by” (see Sanguine Gem above). Almost always a mistake. Using globs of blood as a weapon just doesn’t work for me on the visual level. And why does it allow a bleed attack when being sheathed? That doesn’t seem to make sense.

Grips of the Drowning Dark:

Gloves that imitate a crocodile’s water rolling attack? Very unique and cool visuals! I guess my only complaint here is the expense of an item that for most grapples allows you to knock your opponent prone in the midst of a grapple as a free action. The suffocation effect is essentially a SIAC, but the imagery is great and so I find that I don’t mind one bit! :)

Coat of the Eternal Vagabond:

The random element is a definite put-off here. Making more work for the GM and die rolls with math slow down the game. It also makes you wonder why anyone would pay out the money here for an item that they can’t quite control. What if they wind up in a river or lake? On top of a mountain? Ultimately I can’t see anyone actually wanting to use this item beyond the endure elements effect, and there are other, cheaper items for that.

Shears of the Hairless Hag:

There are a lot of neat ideas here, but this item is a little confusing. It is used to cut off hair from either the wielder or the target? When the wielder gets their own hair to grow on the target, is the target considered to have the wielder’s hair for purposes of the save penalty? An edit pass or two more for clarity could have done wonders here.

Dust of Fantastical Terrain:

This is more of a plot device, used to create unique gardens and landscapes than anything else. For quick defense it sort of works, but for a very limited degree. Some other combat related effect other than sickening plant and rock creatures could have made this a very solid item.

[michael patrick]

Steven Helt wrote:

I will critique any items sent to my inbox, so if you have a monster entry and wonder how you would have done in roumd two, send her my way.

Darn. Just missed this. Thanks anyway :)

[James Raine]

Feros wrote:

Cloak of a Thousand Daggers

Nitpick: the counterattack consumes an AoO (and the fundamental rules for AoOs prevent the same action from provoking more than once from the same target), so it's very strictly limited in uses per round. I will take the free attack/rd is a little hefty.

[Andrew Black]

UllarWarlord wrote:

Mine was...too wordy. I had a giant superfluous part about restoring normal flowers back to life (really), and I didn't check the wordcount until after I submitted it...precisely 100 words over. Oof. Anyway, here it is!

Flowerpot of Joyous Revitalization

I never saw this item voting, but if you were 100 words over then it probably wasn't seen by anyone being DQ'd. If I had seen it honestly I doubt I would have voted for it. I like the idea behind the resurrection of a plant sub-type creature and perhaps players with druids would too, but I don't think the mechanics are clear. While I like your "happy" description, perhaps it's a bit too "happy" and borders on cartoony for me. Overall I like the theme of this item, but I think you need to work at tightening up the mechanics and the over all "feel" of it.

Thanks for sharing your Item, UllarWarlord, I hope this helps.

[Anthony Adam]

Steven Helt wrote:

I will critique any items sent to my inbox, so if you have a monster entry and wonder how you would have done in roumd two, send her my way.

Sent it - it's neither a he nor she! And no, it is also neither a construct nor slime/mold/jelly nor swarm !!

Now that's a tease of a thing to say - lol

[Feros]

James Raine wrote:

Feros wrote:

Cloak of a Thousand Daggers

Nitpick: the counterattack consumes an AoO (and the fundamental rules for AoOs prevent the same action from provoking more than once from the same target), so it's very strictly limited in uses per round. I will take the free attack/rd is a little hefty.

True, but with Combat Reflexes this item could be quite nasty.

[James Raine]

Entirely granted, but I don't see that as an issue.

I won't continue this discussion here (since I don't want to derail the thread any more than it is), but if people want to see and/or partake in a more detailed discussion about my item (or about another, I'm not picky), I'll start a thread.

[Lamontius]

big thanks to everyone who has taken the time to critique my item, the feedback has been really cool to read

[Andrew Black]

Murray K Dahm wrote:

Here's mine - this is not the final wording as I did make that rookie mistake (but then I am a rookie and this was my first time entering) of changing the wording at the last second - but as you can see this has the word 'reach', a connonical word in Pathfinder, but not used here in that sense so I changed it - if anyone happened to copy the final version - you could advise what I changed it to (yikes!) I think an earlier draft made a different use of maximize too! I look forward to your comments.

Robe of Resonance

Congrats on entering for the first time! I saw your item several times during the voting and I did like it. I see that it made it to the Top 100. I voted it up unless it was up against one of my favorites or an item that I thought was more versatile.

I liked that this was a simple easy to use item, the mechanics are clear and I new exactly how it works. I also like the way it looked both in description and operation.

The down side is this is a simple and practical item without a lot of flash or pizzaz. It fits a particular niche, and while it does it well... it falls into the "great for a book of magic items" category for me.

Thanks for sharing your Item with us, Murray...I hope you will continue to enter because I think you have a good chance of wowing us in the future. If you haven't yet, be sure to read SKR's "auto reject" advice threads.

[Andrew Black]

Ramicus wrote:

Legend Locket

I saw this item a few times during the vote, but I only up voted it when it was against an Item that had considerable flaws. The reason is I liked the creativity behind it, but I didn't particularly care for the item.

As a DM I can see the use of it for an adventure hook, PC's find it in a treasure horde, and now have a new adventure to solve. As A DM I would hate to used this randomly and have to suddenly have to come up with what memories it holds and what geas it holds. This requires to much work on the DM's part unless its a specific plot line in the adventure or campaign.

As a player I can't think of a reason I would want to make this item, or why I would be glad I found it in an adventure. Perhaps to recored specific events of my adventures to recall later, but that seems a bit meta-game to me.

Thanks for sharing your Item with us Ramicus.

[Papasteve08]

Feros wrote:

James Raine wrote:

Feros wrote:

Cloak of a Thousand Daggers

Nitpick: the counterattack consumes an AoO (and the fundamental rules for AoOs prevent the same action from provoking more than once from the same target), so it's very strictly limited in uses per round. I will take the free attack/rd is a little hefty.

True, but with Combat Reflexes this item could be quite nasty.

Feros: I get where you are coming from here. I enjoy items like this (that make a neat twist on fundemental rules) but my (extremely limited) experience with this in the Blazing 9s is that not many people understand some of the intricacies of the rules except the "rules lawyers". I made a practice item that put a twist on the Withdraw Action. I thought it was neat, simple and fun, and eliminated some risks when withdrawing from enemies with reach. (with a drawback I thought would be fun) I realized most people didn't even understand the fundamental part of the rule I was trying to twist, and therefore misunderstood my item. (good thing it was practice... not that my actual item fared much better)

Anyways, the quick lesson I learned was as fun and clever as these kinds of twists are (imo) its too easy to lose voters to misunderstanding.

[Andrew Black]

John Henry Muhrer wrote:

Cylinder of the Lights of the First World

I saw this item several time during the vote and to be honest I don't think I ever gave it an up vote.

First off let me say I loved the name, the first time I saw it I thought "now this is going to be cool." However when I read the description of the item all it turns out to be is a quiver that makes it easy to find my arrows, and prevent them from breaking. Functional, but as an adventure I can easily afford to buy new arrows in town with all the gold and loot I am finding so not really necessary.

Cool looking yes, but not enough that as a player I want to find it in the next treasure horde. I think your mechanics are fine in how it works, I just think a superstar level item with a name that invokes the Light of the First World should have done something more spectacular.

That said as a DM I could see giving these, with a different name, to a particular group or elves or a special order of archers...more a set piece than an actual item.

Thanks for sharing your Item with us John, I hope you continue to enter because you might just surprise us if you think outside the box.

[Nazard]

Rasputin17 wrote:

Hey man, thanks for the critique. I'm glad you liked it. Yeah, I submitted it pretty early and then regretted it every second. I really thought about changing the stupid name and some of the mechanics for usage. Anyway, here's a counter-reivew. Keep in mind, I've never done this before, so please bear with me.

Nazard wrote:

One of the only-works-when-you're-dead crowd, I'm afraid. I hoped the Gorum flavour would strike a chord, but obviously no-go.

Reanimating Battle Bones

First off, I think the flavor and style of the item is cool, really cool. I like the look and the feel of the item. The original idea is something, with a lot of tweaking, I'd love to give a villain or, in a higher level game, a bunch of baddies.

Trouble is, I don't think any PC I've ever worked with would be allowed or would ever want to use it. At low level play, it's a very easy way to get a free resurrection barring negative levels. I wouldn't allow that as a GM. At levels where a Skeletal Champion becomes a pushover, this item ceases to be useable. It's a shame really, because you've got a real knack for making me like the item on the surface with your writing.

Like I said, with a lot of tweaking, this could be some awesome items to give enemies in my game. It's really flavorful and cool in that way. My guess is your core concept was really the thing wrong in the beginning. Like others have said, an item that functions only when you die doesn't appeal much to the voters or the judges. Otherwise though, I like your description and would like to see more from you.

Thanks for the thoughts. You aren't the first person to say that skeletal champions become a "Push-over", which I honestly can't understand. Skeletal champions are a template you add to an existing creature (in this case, yourself). I took care to state that none of your skills or abilities change (to avoid a complicated re-writing of the character at the table), except that you only have half hit points, and you pick up a few minor defensive boosts. Other than that, you're still yourself with gear, spells, etc. You lose a round and have to stand up, but other than that, you have a few rounds of grace in order to perform an act in accordance with Gorum's philosophy and get rewarded for it. If you fail, bye-bye.

I get that a lot of people don't like "second chance" items (though one of them made the top 32, so people can't hate them that much). Obviously, I wasn't clear in my description that you don't come back with a massive hit in power level (since multiple people have expressed this confusion), though I can't figure out how to be clearer than to say "his stats remain unchanged, except for...{insert small list here}".

[Andrew Black]

Nykidemus wrote:

This was my submission - which I imagine threw people a bit by being extremely specific and fairly complex rules-wise. I'm curious what folks think.

Goggles of Dimensional Analysis

I saw this a few times voting, but I chose to vote for other things most of the time. I think you are right, I felt the way it was written was a bit complex and that turned me off from it. It left me asking questions like Shouldn't the CL of the original teleport effect the DC of following them? How does this work with spells like Dimension Door? If the residual energies are destabilizing what risk should there be and what negative effect could happen. How would Dispel Magic or Anti Magic fields work with this?

I think you have a neat idea, but I am not sure it is something I would want to tackle at my gaming table. Thanks for sharing your Item with us Nykidemus.

[Nazard]

Andrew Black wrote:

Nykidemus wrote:

This was my submission - which I imagine threw people a bit by being extremely specific and fairly complex rules-wise. I'm curious what folks think.

Goggles of Dimensional Analysis

I saw this a few times voting, but I chose to vote for other things most of the time. I think you are right, I felt the way it was written was a bit complex and that turned me off from it. It left me asking questions like Shouldn't the CL of the original teleport effect the DC of following them? How does this work with spells like Dimension Door? If the residual energies are destabilizing what risk should there be and what negative effect could happen. How would Dispel Magic or Anti Magic fields work with this?

I think you have a neat idea, but I am not sure it is something I would want to tackle at my gaming table. Thanks for sharing your Item with us Nykidemus.

I saw these as well, and felt they were a bit too derivative of channelers in Wheel of Time reading residues of gateways, us such, lost originality points.

[DiamondDustDealer]

Hello all,

This was my first year entering the contest. I would appreciate any feedback you might have on my item. Thanks!

Dead Jester's Cap
Aura faint necromancy; CL 5th
Slot head; Price 10,500 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This macabre jester's cap appears to have sprung directly from a child's nightmare. Sewn from blood-red velvet and stitched in a black spiderweb pattern, it has been liberally decorated with the bones of several kinds of sentient creatures.

Once donned, the cap twists the wearer's sense of humor in sick and disturbing ways. Once per day, as a standard action, the wearer may tell a joke to undead creatures. This ability functions as hideous laughter (DC 18, CL 5th), but it affects up to 10 HD of undead and may affect multiple targets. The wearer is considered the same “type” of creature for purposes of this ability. Even mindless undead are susceptible to this dark and alien humor, but living creatures are immune.

While wearing the cap, the wearer becomes more charismatic to the undead. He receives a +5 circumstance bonus to Diplomacy checks made with intelligent undead. The cap unsettles living creatures, giving the wearer a -5 circumstance penalty to Diplomacy checks made with them.

Finally, the wearer may cast detect undead at will, as he manifests a strange, sympathetic bond with undead creatures.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, hideous laughter, detect undead, creator must be non-good; Cost 5,250 gp

[Feros]

Second Page Critiques:

Soul’s Visage:

Honor is a very niche rule set, and consequently this item is only of use for a very small number of characters in most campaigns if at all. The visual (a glowing stone) isn’t all that spectacular either. For what it does, it is a good item. Just not Superstar.

Thespian's Globe:

The visual here is kind of strange. A giant floating head somehow enhances theatrical and bardic performances? Worse, one of the prime abilities is to place conditions on the audience but only if the user is already suffering from them. Confusion alone makes this use problematic. Rather strange to want to spread the pain that one is suffering from.

Sandstone Sirocco:

Interesting little item that I upvoted a lot. Yes, it is mostly a spell in a can, but that is not a bad thing always. The imagery is great! I like how it removes tracks as well, but removing any substantial footprints is going to slow progress considerably.

Lucky Golden Tooth:

The mechanics are solid and this item is decently balanced. But the imagery…yeah, golden teeth just don’t do it for me. Aside from someone having an incredibly garish tooth in their mouth, there is no visual here to work off.

Choker of Spell Stifling:

Good solid magic item. But that’s it. There is no spark, no visual other than a collar than stops casters from casting. Sadly there were a lot of these good magic items that just aren’t interesting enough to make it to the top 32.

Mask of the Wayang:

Interesting visual, but mechanically it really isn’t spectacular. There is not much to criticize here other than it didn’t capture the imagination the way other items did. My only recommendation is working on making both the description and mechanics more thought provoking. Which kind of sucks as those are things that don’t just come to a person easily. Sorry. :(

Thunderstorm Mantle:

Boy did I check this one for template errors! ;) Seriously though the visual of the item itself is great. But it is a bit too busy. Instead of doing one thing that is augmented by Mythic Power, it does two. That may have been what was required: focus on one thing.

Glaring mask:

Another simple, effective magic item that I could see in a compilation of magic items. But the imagery is lacking anything really wonderful to draw in the voter’s interest. Mechanically good is just not good enough to win this competition.

Manipulator’s Headdress:

The only significant problem here was the Fifty Shades of Grey thing. Obviously that is not what you were going for. But once that got mentioned, it was all many of us could see. The puppeteer angle is where you should have gone with it, emphasizing the creeping circus feeling. That would have shot this rather cool item up in my opinion. I needed better imagery in the writing to make this break free of the innuendo that stuck to it. I have no idea how other voters who did not read the boards saw this, but it makes one thing very clear: the imagery anyone of us use should be as clear and unambiguous as possible.

Sun Wukong's Puzzle Box:

Mislead with a twist. I liked it, but the monkey swarm thing was a bit much in imagery. The overall concept was really good, but in the end using a specific name that most voters would be unfamiliar with and the weird image of a person changing in a blast of sparks into a mass of rampaging monkeys probably did you in.

[Nazard]

Dead Jester's Hat
I saw this several times, voted for it about 50%.

I love the first power and its explanation (hopefully, you don't get in a game with this item and the GM insist you play out the sick and distrubing humour. Even with the dark alien influences, though, it's hard to figure out how a mindless undead could be affected.

The Diplomacy bonus with intelligent undead is a nice and sensible secondary power. The penalty part is pointless, however, as anybody trying Diplomacy with living creatures are just going to take the hat off first, and in most situations where you have intelligent undead and living creatures in a room, Diplomacy isn't the go-to skill.

The third ability pushed it into SAK territory for me, even though you do have a tight theme.

[RonarsCorruption]

@ thrashling and the manservant mannequin - Thinking on it more, I think you could have fixed the 'kidnapping' loophole by making someone attune to the mannequin, instead of just strapping clothing to it, and then only the attuned creature can activate it. Using a term like attuning is so much better than using non-game terms like 'owner' or 'person who says the command word'.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#17
Taxonomist's Codex
Bit of an odd price. Don't forget that a pretty, slightly off price is better than a really exact one that just looks odd. That said, it's a neat item. The skill bonus isn't really wow, but I like that it grants a bonus against the creature to all allies. Problem, however, is you're vague about how activating the item works - you don't say until the end that people must be able to hear the reader for the effect. Also: you needlessly complicate things by saying the bonus only works against abilities that you already know about, making the really key power of this item really hard to understand.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#18
Cloak of the Shadow Twin
You use 'seems to' in the description. Don't, because it implies it does something different than that, which it doesn't. I like the effect you're going for, but your rules text is pretty awful. You're creating an effect that acts like this, except for that, and like the character, but it doesn't have x and does have y. Which makes things really complicated. Basically, this item requires too much bookkeeping.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#19
Tabard of Sanguine Symbiosis
I remember this one from voting! Neat visual, but there's way too many drawbacks for this to be really good, and the bookkeeping is a bit off, too. It's worthless until you've taken bleed damage for at least one round and you're still bleeding. Not nearly enough things do bleed damage to make this worthwhile, especially because the moment you stop bleeding the effect completely ends. And also, if you've been bleeding for one round you have DR 1/slashing, and three times a day can do 2 damage. (or up to DR 5 and do 10 damage) That's not worth even 1000gp, let alone 9.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#21
Sanguine Gem
You say "favored by", which shows you haven't read most of the advice available to you, which doesn't look professional on you at all. Negative levels for metamagic is interesting, but once you're high enough level you could cast a CL 39... Intensified, Empowered, Maximized whatever (finger of death is a good candidate - do 390 damage on a failed save), for the mere cost of 3,500gp and making a will save - which would be pretty darn high for you at those levels. Recharge mechanic could also be left out - as it will virtually never be triggered by a PC.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#22
Sibilant Sistrum
Really bad naming: you use an uncommon word and then proceed to inadequately describe what it is to the reader. I have no idea what physical thing this is. Requiring a DC 5 check to activate is silly - even someone untrained and with Cha 1 can make that check 55% of the time. Someone with 29kgp would never fail it. The rest of the effects are a little complex, too, and fall very close to the 'magic item works better for some characters than others' trap, which is also bad.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#25
Bracer of Forceful Restraint
Immediately brings to mind a prisoner-retention item, which isn't very exciting. The effect is a lot better than I was worried about, but I really don't like the take-damage-to-dimensionally-anchor-a-target bit. If that simply used extra charges instead, I could see this being in the top 32.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#26
Glove of Face Filching
Props on the name, that sounds like it will be awesome. As I've seen others say, it does feel off that it only steals the mouth, after the name says 'face'. While I like the penalties it gives, the benefits to the wearer seem really minimal, but lke other things, I've seen them already touched upon in this thread.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#31
Bloody Sheath of the Bravo
'Favored by'? Maurice, you know better. And, actually, your mechanical text is really clunky this year, too. You also refer to the sheathe's weilder several times as 'the bravo', which though implied by the item name, isn't a game term.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#32
Grips of the Drowning Dark
'Appear to be', mentioned above, don't use unless you immediately correct to what it actually is (and the new thing is way awesomer). I like the first power of the item, though the second seems a bit overpowered for the price. The last part of the effect seems a little too much of a downside to make me want to use it, however.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#33
Coat of the eternal vagabond
Don't all-caps your item name - that's a font thing, not a style thing. But anyways, the item isn't really exciting. Teleport randomly seems fun once, but I don't think it's really superstar. Just a fancy 'I escape!' option. And nobody really likes using an item they can't really control.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#37
Shears of the Hairless Hag
Fun name! Let's see... it's a little complicated. Can the target of this effect remove the magically grown hair? Taking Cha damage but using Int as a stat doesn't balance out well, and falls into the 'better effect for some than others' trap.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#42
Dust of Fantastical Terrain
It does what it says on the box, that's for sure. Unfortunately, nothing else. 'makes inanimate tiny things bigger'. You need more wow, and an effect that actually uses game mechanics more than maybe sickening a few types of creatures.

http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item-thread#46
Baldric of Revealing Mists
Non-intuitive to have a mist effect that isn't affected by winds. Weird that two of three effects are affected by radius, but a the other is line of effect. Does activating the third effect negate the second? Honestly, there's a lot of weird mechanics here.

...okay, that's page 1 done. I'll see what I can do about page 2 once I get a little more of my normal work done. ;)

[Andrew Black]

Landon Cole wrote:

I'd be interested in anyone's thoughts on my entry:

Lock of a Legend’s Hair

I saw this a bunch when voting and sometimes I voted it up, but usually I passed on it. One reason is I am not familiar with the Mythic Rules so I wasn't 100% sure if it was a solid use of mechanics.

Second, the idea of an item that has a legends hair in it, with out knowing who the legend is or what makes her/him so special seemed a let down. I get that making this tied to a specific heroic legend is then bad "backstory" description or borders the line of relics and artifacts which this item is not. I think the idea of lockets of legendary hair is a cool concept, but I want the locket to live up to the concept...something that adventures will go on quests to find.

Thanks for sharing your Item with us Landon, keep at it!

[Steven Helt]

michaeljpatrick wrote:

Steven Helt wrote:

I will critique any items sent to my inbox, so if you have a monster entry and wonder how you would have done in roumd two, send her my way.

Darn. Just missed this. Thanks anyway :)

Well..to be clear, I was talking about those who didn't make the Top 32. I'm not sure the contest would appreciate a former winner giving reviews of half the next year's round 2 entries.

The inbox got some attention after my last post, so I wanna remind everyone I'll get to everything when I can, but day job, family and my own writing come first. I appreciate your interest and will try to offer the best feedback I can.

[Jürgen Hubert]

After reading various comments on the forums, I was quickly realizing that this item probably wouldn't make it. Apart from its cost issues, it's simply not an adventuring item and it's rather hard to make it important to adventures as well. I think it absolutely does make sense that items like this exist in Pathfinder/D&D settings where you have multiple currencies which can be used interchangably for no apparent reason (and indeed, this is why I came up with the concept for my Urbis setting), but this item addresses a genre assumption instead of the needs of adventurers and adventures.

----------------------

Banker’s Monocle

Aura faint divination; CL 5
Slot eye; Price 20,000 gp; Weight -

This thick, gold-rimmed monocle is attached to the wearer’s pocket with a lengthy chain.

Whenever the user looks through this monocle, they are able to detect whether any coins they perceive adhere to the coin weight and purity standards for copper, silver, gold, and platinum coins of a long-ago empire. This does not assist in detecting hidden coins - instead, the user perceives the “rightness” of the coin like they would perceive its color.

After the empire which initially created these monocles vanished, its successor states nevertheless continued to use the monocles so that their own coinage would adhere to those same standards, and even today many nations continue to mint coins with the same weight and purity so that their currency would be regarded as trustworthy by others. This has allowed merchants to use currencies from many nations interchangeably without worrying about exchange rates. Today, these monocles serve as a badge of office for many bankers, and many who cannot afford the real thing will nevertheless wear an unenchanted monocle to keep up appearances.

Construction Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, discern value; Cost 10,000 gp.

[Feros]

Rysky wrote:

Any and all feedback would be greatly appreciated (already got some feedback from some people who asked that I repost it so thy don't have to critique twice :3).

Feros wrote:

It's not bad. The theme is solid and the image simple. But that might be one of the flaws: the image of a light that exposes undead and can damage them isn't overly exciting.

Further, I can understand the usefulness of being able to ambush undead with this (the hide from undead ability), but there seems to be little thematic reason for this power.

All-in-all, a useful device; sadly I can't say that it set the world on fire for me. :(

I wanted to add something that I didn't at that time because I didn't want you to think I was grabbing for votes: I up-voted this four out of five times saw it. :)

[Nazard]

Jürgen Hubert wrote:

After reading various comments on the forums, I was quickly realizing that this item probably wouldn't make it. Apart from its cost issues, it's simply not an adventuring item and it's rather hard to make it important to adventures as well. I think it absolutely does make sense that items like this exist in Pathfinder/D&D settings where you have multiple currencies which can be used interchangably for no apparent reason (and indeed, this is why I came up with the concept for my Urbis setting), but this item addresses a genre assumption instead of the needs of adventurers and adventures.

----------------------

Banker’s Monocle

Aura faint divination; CL 5
Slot eye; Price 20,000 gp; Weight -

This thick, gold-rimmed monocle is attached to the wearer’s pocket with a lengthy chain.

Whenever the user looks through this monocle, they are able to detect whether any coins they perceive adhere to the coin weight and purity standards for copper, silver, gold, and platinum coins of a long-ago empire. This does not assist in detecting hidden coins - instead, the user perceives the “rightness” of the coin like they would perceive its color.

After the empire which initially created these monocles vanished, its successor states nevertheless continued to use the monocles so that their own coinage would adhere to those same standards, and even today many nations continue to mint coins with the same weight and purity so that their currency would be regarded as trustworthy by others. This has allowed merchants to use currencies from many nations interchangeably without worrying about exchange rates. Today, these monocles serve as a badge of office for many bankers, and many who cannot afford the real thing will nevertheless wear an unenchanted monocle to keep up appearances.

Construction Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, discern value; Cost 10,000 gp.

Yep, I think you already hit on any criticisms I would give on this item. Voters like "sexy" and exciting items.

[BigNorseWolf]

Banker’s Monocle

Very expensive and a "slice of life" item: something that probably exists in the world but wouldn't be particularly valuable to adventurers. You'd have to get cheated a LOT to make up for ever buying one of these.

[Andrew Black]

Perignan wrote:

Same here. If you would like to share your thoughts, i would welcome them.

Eye Sockets Bracer

I saw this many times while voting and I will be honest and say I tended to not vote for it.

As a DM I don't like the idea of one of the characters in my group having the access to different racial vision abilities. It seems a bit of a Swiss Army Knife to avoid the challenges I present the group during the adventure.

I also didn't care for the eye swapping effect, it seems that the same power could have been granted with out that being necessary. For me this was just a bit bizarre but not in a "Oh Wow that's Bizarre!" kind of way.

Thanks for sharing your item with us Perignan.

[Aoann]

there are lots of items I didn't see while voting. :(

are we allowed to comment on people's items if they haven't posted them?

[Papasteve08]

Aoann wrote:

there are lots of items I didn't see while voting. :(

are we allowed to comment on people's items if they haven't posted them?

I am relatively new here Aoann, but I think in general it is considered bad form to comment unless someone specifically asks for it. The alternative would be perhaps listing it in the personal top 32 thread if you really liked it and have it among your favorites. If I am wrong, hopefully someone more knowledgeable will correct me!

[Anthony Adam]

Perfectly correct. Some people prefer to learn from the critique threads and aren't yet brave enough or ready enough to open their item up to such scrutiny. So we respect their wishes and only review the items offered up.

[BigNorseWolf]

Dead Jesters Hat: Like the mechanics, but theres a gnome undearwear problem somewhere between a Jester's hat and being dead.

[Garrett Guillotte]

Nazard wrote:

Nazard wrote:

Reanimating Battle Bones ...

Rasputin17 wrote:

... Like others have said, an item that functions only when you die doesn't appeal much to the voters or the judges. ...

... I get that a lot of people don't like "second chance" items (though one of them made the top 32, so people can't hate them that much) ...

Even though I didn't like the crest of the fallen, I think what pushed it up to the Top 32 were the limitations on its scope that pushed it away from the "second chance" stigma. (I think you're right about use-on-death not being as much of a bias with judges as with voters, although the judges' comments have been so terse that it's hard to parse what they really think without reading meaning into them.)

The crest is a flavorful stabilization item with a few weak combat perks; it doesn't pop the PC back up into combat, and the familiar won't be an effective replacement. The dead PC still has to rely on his party.

The bones arguably could make killing a PC a bad strategic move for the GM. That subverts a very fundamental game mechanic entirely in the PC's favor; makes death evadable for the PC, which reduces the drama of combat; and potentially draws the spotlight in combat away from the party by making the players stop and decide whether the bones PC gets a killing blow and free resurrection.

tl;dr:

It's a philosophical concern, and I think the bones take the less popular track: death is a bad, un-fun game mechanic, so let's subvert it by making death cool and potentially rewarding for the rest of combat, with a free resurrection if the player takes full advantage. This throws a red flag for GMs as it devalues PC death, which is the most significant threat a GM wields.

The crest takes a safer path: death is a bad, un-fun game mechanic, so let's soften it by making death slightly less dangerous and giving the player something to do that's more interesting than twiddling their thumbs waiting for the party to bring the character back.

The crest doesn't circumvent death to the point that it allows the player to continue participating as meaningfully in combat as before, nor does it resurrect the character; RAW, one could argue the familiar it generates isn't even completely under the player's control. That helps bridge the GM concerns of an item handing out free resurrections or removing all game-play and dramatic drawbacks of death, and the player issues of being divested from the action after death.

The crest is also expressly a weak defensive item--it doesn't generate anything that's an improvement over the character. Its familiar is weaker than an equivalent familiar and has a limited range of movement and behavior, and it doesn't gain new abilities or skills that are more powerful than the character's (probably, as its wording on familiar advancement is vague).

The bones, as you mention, bring the character back almost whole and adds DR and resistances. It takes the drama away from death, especially since it's one killing blow away from undoing death altogether.

Both items add bookkeeping--the crest requires a familiar to be drawn up and advanced, even though it may never be used for more than a few rounds; the bones require someone to apply a template in the middle of battle for a few rounds. The crest still has an edge here, as drawing up and maintaining the familiar can be the player's responsibility and is easier to implement in combat if it's properly prepared--just drop the critter pawn on the board and switch sheets. Applying a template is easy on paper but will grind combat to a halt while the calculations are done.

I like that you made the bones consumable as it cuts back on the potential for denting the setting. (I still can't imagine an adventurer who wouldn't have a crest within a few decades of its invention.) I also think the bones, even as written, are a better item for NPCs than the crest and are much more likely to show up at my table in that capacity. If anything, I'd crank the abilities up even higher and make this an artifact.

But I think Rasputin17 is fundamentally right about it treading too closely to a death-cheating item. The opportunity for a no-consequences resurrection is particularly problematic, and while the penalty for failure is significant, I'm not sure it's enough to sway voters.

[angellus00]

Stone of Knowledge
Aura Moderate Divination; CL 5th
Slot None; Price 800 gp; Weight -
Description
This small stone can be held easily in the palm of the hand. Each stone is associated with one particular knowledge skill and is adorned with a softly glowing rune, representing the skill to which its benefit applies. A chracter holding the stone may make a single knowledge skill check with the associated skill, as if she had 3 ranks in that knowledge skill. This allows her to make a single knowledge skill check, as if she were trained, even if she is not. If she already has three or more ranks in the associated knowledge skill, she receives a +2 competence bonus for one check using that skill instead. The stone can only be used once; after it has been used the rune slowly fades and it becomes a normal non-magical rock.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Detect Thoughts, 5 ranks in related knowledge skill; Cost 400 gp

[Aoann]

Papasteve08 wrote:

Aoann wrote:

there are lots of items I didn't see while voting. :(

are we allowed to comment on people's items if they haven't posted them?

I am relatively new here Aoann, but I think in general it is considered bad form to comment unless someone specifically asks for it. The alternative would be perhaps listing it in the personal top 32 thread if you really liked it and have it among your favorites. If I am wrong, hopefully someone more knowledgeable will correct me!

Anthony Adam wrote:

Perfectly correct. Some people prefer to learn from the critique threads and aren't yet brave enough or ready enough to open their item up to such scrutiny. So we respect their wishes and only review the items offered up.

I don't really have a top 32. I just have a couple of items that I remember seeing that I really enjoyed. I also have a crap memory and should know better to write things down... :) Hopefully they will post it so I can tell them how much I loved it.

[Aoann]

angellus00 wrote:

Stone of Knowledge

Aura Moderate Divination; CL 5th
Slot None; Price 800 gp; Weight -
Description
This small stone can be held easily in the palm of the hand. Each stone is associated with one particular knowledge skill and is adorned with a softly glowing rune, representing the skill to which its benefit applies. A chracter holding the stone may make a single knowledge skill check with the associated skill, as if she had 3 ranks in that knowledge skill. This allows her to make a single knowledge skill check, as if she were trained, even if she is not. If she already has three or more ranks in the associated knowledge skill, she receives a +2 competence bonus for one check using that skill instead. The stone can only be used once; after it has been used the rune slowly fades and it becomes a normal non-magical rock.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Detect Thoughts, 5 ranks in related knowledge skill; Cost 400 gp

I voted for this often. Its simple, effective, low level. Excellent idea.

[Nickolas Floyd]

GM_Solspiral wrote:

I thought I posted this on page 2 but I guess I messed that up... facepalm. Feel free to be brutal I don;t pull any punches on my thread.

Shadow Archer’s Gage
Aura moderate conjuration and illusion; CL 9th
Slot hands; Price 30,000 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description

These elbow length brown leather gloves are adorned with burnished steel buttons shaped like targets. Resting behind left thumb is a small field target gage, if used as a bow sight it reduces range penalties by one.

By speaking a command word the wearer may teleport a bow and up to 80 arrows from her hand to a dimensional pocket as a free action. Items stored can be recalled with another command word. Only bows and arrows can be stored in this pocket.

Stored weapons may be fired through the gage with a gesture which provokes an attack of opportunity if used in melee range. When firing through the gage, the wearer’s shadow can be observed knocking, aiming, and firing a bow with an opposed perception check against the wearer’s sleight of hand. If the perception check fails the first strike through the gage will catch a target flat footed. Arrows fired through the gage apply the wearer’s BAB and any applicable class features and feats as though the bow was being fired normally, though it leaves the wearer with one hand free.

If a bow is stored into the gloves with no ammunition, the wearer may elect to fire shadow arrows. Shadow arrows are illusions and only one-fifth (20%) as strong as real arrows, though creatures who believe the shadow arrows to be real are affected by them at full strength. Any creature that interacts with shadow ammunition can make a DC 16 Will save to recognize its true nature.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, shadow conjuration, secret chest; Cost 15,000 gp

Ok. You said to not to pull punches so here it goes.

At first glance I was glad that you didn't make this a bow sight that you mount to your bow because magic items that you attach to your weapon are usually just a cop-out for not being able to submit a weapon to this contest. And in reading the whole entry this wouldn't work for the concept anyway, so no score, no foul. On other hand, I have a hard time envisioning a glove with a tool of some kind hanging off the thumb and how you could get an accurate sighting with it while it is attached to pliable leather on the most mobile part of your body. Maybe there was another way to do it with gloves, but I might have gone with bracers as they are commonly worn by archers to protect the forearm from the bow string. This might do away with the bow sight theme, but the left bracer could have an arrow motif pointing toward the hand and change nothing in the mechanics. Or maybe it creates a floating magical sight out of shadow when it is activated. I just think the tool hanging of the thumb is a bit weird.

It stores a bow and arrows inside it. If this is all it did, I would hate it, but it does do more.

I know you were going for the cool visual where the user's shadow might be seen firing a bow and that's cool, but the Slight of Hand/Perception opposed skill check isn't working for me. Anytime I see a bow item, I immediately think ranger, but this paragraph makes it clear that it is a rogue item (or a ranger with some bleeding into rogue through character choices). Obviously most rangers don't take Sleight of Hand and it can't be used untrained. The ability works well with sneak attack, so its a rogue item pretty solidly. I also don't know how you use sleight of hand to hide the fact that your shadow is doing something that you are not doing. Just misdirection? And then what if your shadow can't even be seen by your target because it is near or totally dark or you are shooting from a position where your shadow is not cast where it can be seen by the target. I feel that this mechanic could have been done in such a way that it could work in every scenario. It could be as simple as removing the shadow dependant element and just say that it can be activated with a gesture, but the gesture can be hidden with an opposed Sleight of Hand check (or maybe the option to use a Dex check if you have no ranks in SOH). I also don't think that a character should be forced back to being "flat-footed" by any effect after it has acted in combat. Maybe there are precedents for that, but I'm thinking it should have just been " denied his Dexterity bonus to his AC against the attack" like a successful feint. Its a game term thing. I also don't really care for the drawback fixing element that lets you have your sword in hand and use your bow too.

The third ability is fairly superfluous in my opinion. The gloves hold up to 80 arrows, so it is unlikely that anyone would need to use shadow arrows and there is no plus side to using them. Also the wording here is bad. I know you got the "only one-fifth (20%) as strong as real arrows" from the Shadow Conjuration spell, but in the spell there are two more paragraphs describing what this means. I think you either need a reference to that spell in the text or or better yet describe what that means to the target of the arrows. Without that, a reader who is unfamiliar with the spell or doesn't notice it in the creation requirements is going to read it and probably assume that shadow arrows have 1/5 the hit points, 1/5 the hardness, and 1/5 the break DC (they are not as strong). If the saving throw line said that a successful save reduced the damage by 80% that might help.

We all appreciate your Good/Bad/Ugly reviews so I will steal your format and sum up.
Shadow Archer's Gage
The Good: Very cool visuals for the effect and love "shadow archer" in the name.
The Bad: A tool oddly attached to a glove, and the bow and sword fighting style.
The Ugly: Somewhat flawed mechanics, and an unneeded third ability
Overall: 3.5 stars. It has some coolness to it, but there are some holes that need filling. It didn't wow me like I hope for superstar items to do, but the visuals came close.

And I just want to point out that your item made the top 100 this year and mine didn't so you obviously did something right.

[Nazard]

Aoann wrote:

angellus00 wrote:

Stone of Knowledge

Aura Moderate Divination; CL 5th
Slot None; Price 800 gp; Weight -
Description
This small stone can be held easily in the palm of the hand. Each stone is associated with one particular knowledge skill and is adorned with a softly glowing rune, representing the skill to which its benefit applies. A chracter holding the stone may make a single knowledge skill check with the associated skill, as if she had 3 ranks in that knowledge skill. This allows her to make a single knowledge skill check, as if she were trained, even if she is not. If she already has three or more ranks in the associated knowledge skill, she receives a +2 competence bonus for one check using that skill instead. The stone can only be used once; after it has been used the rune slowly fades and it becomes a normal non-magical rock.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Detect Thoughts, 5 ranks in related knowledge skill; Cost 400 gp

I voted for this often. Its simple, effective, low level. Excellent idea.

Unfortunately, it's also a Feat-in-a-Can (Skill Focus - whatever Knowledge) made slightly buffer by being able to use the skill untrained (if the Knowledge skill is a class skill, do you also get the +3 class skill bonus?), and less than a feat for those who already have some ranks in the skill.

[Broken Zenith]

Too icky? This was actually inspired by an in-game escapade.

Skinflayer's Scalpel
Aura faint necromancy; CL 3rd
Slot None; Price 4,900 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This tiny ebony blade is used for removing the faces of victims to create horribly life-like disguises.

With a DC 15 Heal check, the wielder may take five minutes to carefully remove the face of a corpse. If the Heal check fails, or if the victim has been dead for longer than 24 hours, the face is disfigured by the process and cannot be convincingly removed.

Once removed, the victim's face becomes a magical item with a faint necromancy aura. When worn as a mask the face adheres perfectly to the skin, bestowing the facial appearance, hair color and style, mannerisms, voice, and verbal ticks of the victim. Eye color, however, is unchanged. These benefits provide a +20 circumstance bonus to Disguise checks made to appear as the victim. The wearer also gains a +5 circumstance bonus to Use Magic Device checks made to emulate the alignment or race of the victim.

The face is easily taken off (a standard action), and may be used as many times as desired without fear of wear or tear. If kept in a cool, dry compartment the face may be stored for 2 weeks at which point is decays too much to be usable.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Gentle Repose; Cost 2,450 gp

[Aoann]

Nazard wrote:

Aoann wrote:

angellus00 wrote:

Stone of Knowledge

Aura Moderate Divination; CL 5th
Slot None; Price 800 gp; Weight -
Description
This small stone can be held easily in the palm of the hand. Each stone is associated with one particular knowledge skill and is adorned with a softly glowing rune, representing the skill to which its benefit applies. A chracter holding the stone may make a single knowledge skill check with the associated skill, as if she had 3 ranks in that knowledge skill. This allows her to make a single knowledge skill check, as if she were trained, even if she is not. If she already has three or more ranks in the associated knowledge skill, she receives a +2 competence bonus for one check using that skill instead. The stone can only be used once; after it has been used the rune slowly fades and it becomes a normal non-magical rock.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Detect Thoughts, 5 ranks in related knowledge skill; Cost 400 gp

I voted for this often. Its simple, effective, low level. Excellent idea.

Unfortunately, it's also a Feat-in-a-Can (Skill Focus - whatever Knowledge) made slightly buffer by being able to use the skill untrained (if the Knowledge skill is a class skill, do you also get the +3 class skill bonus?), and less than a feat for those who already have some ranks in the skill.

Pfft. I still really like this item. Cause you know so many low level characters have the ability to have a feat like this... and as a cleric, I don't always have skill points to add. Its probably NOT going to be game changing.

[Feros]

Third Page Critiques:

Scepter of Fools:

I really like this item, loved the imagery, but found it a little too much a plot device over a standard magic item. I think you realize this by stating that it should have been an artifact.

Boots, Tower:

Portable stilts are basically a very solid magic tem. But as I have said in other critiques, the imagery isn’t all that interesting. You need something that is going to grab the imagination of voters. Many items are good for collections of magic devices. But that doesn’t win you RPG Superstar

Mapper:

Auto-mapping would have been a cool magic item to have back in the first edition of the game, when one player as a mapper was a common part of game. Nowadays maps are only good for mazes, really, and as such this item becomes more of a curio than anything else. The idea is good but for the game not worth much.

Soulvine Seed:

My problem here is simple: what is this all about? I get the mechanics, and being able to see through a creature and can gain the ability of that creature while the connection exists. I guess I’m kind of confused about how and why this would be used. It doesn’t come across as clearly as it should have.

Kana'ti Fetish:

Not bad imagery, interesting addition of traditions…all for a speed increase, darkvision once per day, and a bonus for Stealth? The central problem here is that this item is utilitarian without being evocative.

Circlet of Substantial Foresight:

Prophesy is a tricky bugger, regardless of what form it takes. How is the GM to know what item will be of use? The party can come up with so many strategies to overcome obstacles that this item may provide something of no use at all when the event occurs.

Slaying Shroud:

I think one issue here is the name; although one-on-one may indeed allow the character with this cloak to kill the target, there is no guarantee. Consequently the name doesn’t really fit the item very well. Add in that it requires actions to be taken by one player alone, separate from the party—regardless of whether he is the target or the wearer—and this could slow play down considerably.

Sinister Collar:

Interesting idea for an item to make losing a weapon through disarm or some other effect not an issue, but the imagery is just not interesting enough to spark the imagination. A little more spark here—somehow—could have elevated this above just a solid magic item.

Breach Master’s Epaulets:

I really like the idea of portable defense walls! Very cool little item here. Ultimately I think that the reabsorbing was unnecessary and that it being epaulets didn’t really sing to voters.

Scatterstone:

Instant tactics in a grenade? Very original! But also slightly confusing in the two images—throwing a grenade and the party making tactical adjustments—don’t really seem to go together. That disjointed image may have hurt your entry.

Orb of Supplicants' Shadows:

Interesting Mythic device with some very cool imagery. I liked this one a good deal, but it suffers from requiring a shadow-templated simulacrum of each creature used in this device. That’s an awful lot of paperwork to run it.

Talisman of the Puissant Familiar:

An interesting enhancement to a familiar, but letting the familiar get a spell that is not the one cast seems a little odd for the 7th-9th level spell ability. Also this really doesn’t have any imagery involved whatsoever different than a normal spell-caster.

Jar of Imprisoned Echoes:

Cool idea, but a bit verbose in describing the jar and its effects. This may be a case where the product was oversold and it really only did a small thing in and of itself. This could have made a really cool utility spell if the jar was a material component and not a magic item.

Cloak of Synthetic Infinity:

I like the concept, but you are right: that last ability has got to go. The strange combination of solid fog and—in essence—protection from arrows shouldn’t work but it does very well. Just one stretch too far.

Guillotine Torc:

I like the ability to move a head around separate from the body, but it does tend to make the character somewhat vulnerable. Definitely a non-combat item, which is good. But overall I don’t think this really appealed to many voters as they couldn’t see themselves wanting it. More weird than cool, I guess.

The Jester’s Drinking Buddy:

One of my likes. This is a really nifty little item, sort of like the picture of Dorian Gray in doll form. That angle, the damage to the doll reflecting what should have happened to the owner may have driven this one way up.

Water Rat Pouch:

Although well constructed, I never liked this item. I’m sorry about this, but I’m going to be blunt: it’s made from the back-half of a rat. There is really nothing to improve the image of a rat’s @$$ as an accoutrement. It is also essentially a waterboarding device. I can see where you were going with this and the whole thing works actually works as a whole, thematically it is tight. The problem I think is that the image and action of the device isn’t very appealing (at least to me). This is an interesting case where it all works but the actual core concept may have been off.

Resonant Tines:

Using sympathetic vibrations to weaken opponents is cool. But the visual I get of a tuning fork being struck isn’t very evocative to me [Sorry but I almost used “doesn’t resonate with me.” ;-) ]. I voted this up more times than down when I saw it, and I think it is a good item in theory, though calculating criticals and the like could be a small hassle.

Band of the Undying Bond:

Another item which augments the familiar/wizard bond. Nothing wrong with this per se, but it seems a little expensive for what it does. It also doesn’t engage my imagination much. So not bad at all, just not Superstar.

[Andrew Black]

Forgotten Knight wrote:

Myriad Scabbard

I saw this item several times in the voting process and I will be honest I did not vote for it. First it is 500 gp cheaper than a bag of holding and allows a character to choose between six different blades of various size and/or power levels if they are magical. A real Swiss Army Knife so to speak.

I like the name but the actual effect of the item didn't live up to it in my opinion. I can see the benefits of it from a players perspective...always having the weapon you want at hand, but for me it just makes adventuring easy and doesn't have the WOW factor an RPG Superstar item needs to show off your design and writing skills.

Thanks for sharing your Item with us Forgotten Knight.

[Papasteve08]

Feros wrote:

Third Page Critiques:

The Jester’s Drinking Buddy

Thanks Feros! I've got some work to do to get into the top 32, but it is really encouraging to know I impressed some people and did some things right.