2014 Critique my Wondrous Item thread

[JollyRoger]

James R. Casey wrote:

JollyRoger wrote:

---------------
COAT OF THE ETERNAL VAGABOND

...

Alright, I want to help DQ out a little bit because I know this comment keeps coming around AND I really liked the Vagabond coat. The whole random effect is what is bothering people; however who says the effect has to be random to the GM? As long as the effect is random to the players that is all that matters. I think a prepared DM can deal with the "random" effect of this item. That being said, I would rather the description not give specifics for determining the randomness, let the GM do this so they have more control.

You make a good point, and I can see that working once. After a few uses though, I think the novelty would wear off. Also, some groups have a strict rule of rolling dice in the open. Not mine, fortunately.

That said, you have my full support in sticking-up for DQ. She's awesome and I genuinely hope she is in the top 32 next year.

[Maurice de Mare]

theheadkase wrote:

Battleforge Gauntlets

I remember seeing this during voting and liked it well enough.

I think your item goes off the rails when you start introducing its interaction with the elements and loses me when it interacts with instant effects (also instant effect + standard action = ????)

I think settling on a nice 1d6 element damage rule would have suited the item better.

Your bane damage ability rocks!

Less is sometimes more, I think you overreached with the fiery burst etc weapon ability's and killed your chances.

[Bardess]

Leaf of the Seasons
Aura strong transmutation; CL 14th
Slot neck; Price 35.280 gp; Weight–
Description
These leaf–shaped brooches come in four types, dedicated to the deities of seasons. Each is beautifully forged in a different metal.
Once per day, on command, a rotating windstorm (see the control winds spell) rises for 1 minute in a 40–feet sphere around the wearer. The wearer can end the wind prematurely if she so desires. Beyond that, the wind carries seasonal storms, depending on the specific leaf worn:
Copper (spring): The wind carries a flurry of flower petals, dazzling and dazing with their scent all creatures that don’t make a For save.
Gold (summer): The wind carries heavy rain, reducing visibility to 1d10x5 feet and giving a –2 penalty on attacks to all creatures that don’t make a For save.
Bronze (autumn): Razor–sharp leaves dazzle creatures that don’t make a For save, and inflict them 1d4 points of slashing damage for every round they stay in the area of effect.
Silver (winter): A snow blizzard reduces visibility as per the rain, and causes 1d4 points of cold damage for every round in the area of effect to all creatures that don’t make a For save.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, control weather; Cost 17.640 gp

I already realized that I forgot to put in the save DC. Plus, there are some mistakes due to English not being my first language- "For" save for "Fort", and dots for commas in numbers.
Besides that, maybe it didn't make it because it's a bit too spell-in-a-can.

[Kerney]

Feros wrote:

Fifth Page Critiques:

Flawed Pictograms Eat Stuff Much

Thanks

[Maurice de Mare]

Feros wrote:

Baldric of Revealing Mists

I think your wording is mechanically unsound and that costs you.

revealing their location precisely = I think you mean pinpoint here, but stating it as precise one could think that this ability works as faerie fire, but that is actually your second power.

your second power is clear

Third power falls into the blind but not blind trap. I think the item really doesn't need it and detracts from it.

[Feros]

Seventh Page Critiques:

Cloak of Inversion:

I loved this item, and entirely for the imagery! It made it into my keeper file. That said, it is pretty simplistic. The effect could have been used to create a more interesting mechanic for use in the game.

Helm of Brass:

Not a bad concept or structure, but I think you suffered a bit for referencing the plane rules in regards to enhancing and impeding effects. A reference to where those rules are located or a down and fast rule enhancing and impeding the magic would have helped greatly.

Linebreaker’s Sabatons:

I’m not sure this item needed charges at all, and you probably should have stuck to the central ability. Also a better description of the use of the item to create a vivid image could have helped sell the item beyond what is essentially just a good magic item.

Corsair’s Coir:

I liked this item a little bit, as it allows you to be a swashbuckler swinging on a rope even when no one has conveniently left a rope around! Good idea; but it’s not an exciting item beyond its function and the requiring of an Acrobatics check to make it work better was not needed.

Aberrant Eye:

A rather expensive item that can render a target insane. I guess my problems with this item are twofold: first the description is clear but doesn’t grab me and second the effect is not as good as something of that cost should be.

Harbinger's Knock:

An interesting item that probably would be better if it just stuck to one of the two abilities. Compelling someone on the other side of a door to open it is useful and a neat effect with potential roleplaying involved. One good image is better than two that don’t quite mesh.

The Frosting Sheath:

This is not a bad item, but penalizing movement for its use is a little overkill considering that the effect is not particularly powerful. I liked the flavor and imagery a lot, but there really isn’t any need for a specific command word: that should be decided individually by the creators at the time each sheath is made.

Dwarven Songwood:

The king of the camping gear, IMHO! I liked this one because it did something more than just providing a nice rest. The idea of having it enhance weapons to fit dwarven battles is really neat. I think linking it to bardic performance and taking an hour to make it work was mechanically unnecessary.

Marrow of borrowbone (ink set):

This very expensive set of inks is limited in its use and only conveys the ability to swap out items with another rapidly once per day. Since most characters set up their equipment for set builds, I don’t know of many people who would use this. Finally your cost and price don’t match up. Normally I’m not really bothered with such things, but when price seems out of whack and the cost is not half the price, you haven’t done your research.

[Maurice de Mare]

Matt Banach wrote:

Scatterstone

I really liked this item during voting, taking another look at it now reveals no flaws that I could mention. So great item, the judges misjudged this one.

[Maurice de Mare]

Nickolas Floyd wrote:

Band of the Undying Bond

I don't think this is overpowered, rather I think it is underpowered for the amount of GP I need to spend owning it.

Yeah, that is it, I am underwhelmed. You give me a spell in a can tied with something akin to a spectral hand for 32K and I am not impressed.

The item needs more mojo.

Personal opinion: I never like items with hyperlinking, I can see why you thought it might help, but yuck.

[Maurice de Mare]

Pamela Elizabeth wrote:

I'm actually really proud of my item. It's useful, but I'm not so sure it's superstar. Also, a couple of people informed me that it was a mid level item when it should have been more of a low level item.

Spellsnaring Canvas

I am very proud that I, in one way or another pushed, this item into the Top 100.

[Maurice de Mare]

Eric Hindley wrote:

Ok, I am game, what killed me:

Green Thumb

1( the name, I thought it was one of the gardening itess

2) Really don't get why allies would get a +5 climb bonus, well actualy, visually I do, but there is a huge gap between what it does for enemies and what it does for allies.
3) re-usable consumable???

Eric, you are a monster building god, but this is a mess. You are missing here a very tight theme, your powers are not connected enough in my opinion and that killed you.

[Dragon78]

How about my item Vial of Aberrant Anima?

[frank gori]

Dragon78 wrote:

How about my item Vial of Aberrant Anima?

If you post it I'll critique it...

[Jacob W. Michaels]

mamaursula wrote:

this is RPGSS, you need to punch us in the face and make us pay attention to your item.

I love this quote! I think it's a great way to to describe what to aim for in Superstar!

[Andrew Black]

Dragon78 wrote:

How about my item Vial of Aberrant Anima?

I remember seeing it while voting, but I saw hundreds of items. If you want a fair critique could you please copy the item Into this thread. That way we can read it again and not try to offer advice from memory. Thanks.

[Nick Wasko]

Haladir wrote:

Here's the item I submitted. This was my first year entering RPG Superstar. I'm happy to notice that it made the top 100. Feedback would be greatly appreciated!

-----
Mantle of Butterflies

Hey Haladir! I was reading your critique of my item and noticed that your item hasn't gotten much in the way of reviews, so I thought I'd return the favor since I really appreciate your feedback. I am a long time player but amateur writer (and even more amateur reviewer), so my advice may warrant a grain of salt, but I hope my opinion is useful in refining your work.

Looking at your item, I break it down based on my initial opinion, then how I see the item as a designer (game mechanics), an author (if I was using this item in a novel or a movie, how would I feel), a player (would I want to have this item), and a GM (would I want to use this item in my game). So, let's get started:

Initial Opinion: It's a cloak that summons a swarm of butterflies. I've always been a sucker for swarm effects (I think summon swarm is an underutilized low-level spell), but butterflies instead of more sinister insects makes me think of playing with children, not fighting monsters. I'm ambivalent, so let's break it down...

Designer: I agree with your self-critique that the swarm should remain stationary, or alternatively find a way for it to follow the user everywhere; the 60 ft. max move speed is a liability for anyone attempting to use the cloak to cover an escape. The sickening effect of distraction works well, but the concentration check seems skewed; I don't see a swarm of butterflies as equally distracting as casting defensively (i.e., modifying your casting on the fly to avoid being skewered). Perhaps a concentration DC closer to wind with hail & debris (10 + spell level) would make more sense. Dispersing the swarm with 40 hp of damage, on the other hand, seems underwhelming; by the time a PC could afford a 12,000 gp item, enemy casters should be able to nuke the swarm with a single fireball (since swarms take extra damage from AoE spells). I like that the wearer is immune to the distraction effects, which makes it more useful. The Fort save bonus seems a bit disjointed from the butterflies, and makes the item seem like a Swiss-Army-knife.

Author: In certain situations, like fighting a capricious fey or a CN follower of Desna, I could see this as a cinematically appropriate item, but the problem is I would really need to work hard to make the audience take that user seriously. More importantly, in a climactic fight between the steadfast heroes and the vile monsters, bursting into a swarm of butterflies seems laughable. I can tell by the mechanics that this item is not meant to be a joke, but the visual effect is just too juvenile.

Player: I see few problems with this item as player, especially if I was a fighter wading in against spellcasters. The issues here were already mentioned earlier (limited move speed limits covering escape, and my badass fighter would not be taken seriously). If found as treasure I would like this, but if I had 12,000 gp to spend, would I go for this? Probably not.

GM: Same critique as a Player.

Summary: I think your self-critique was right; this would be a very appropriate spell for a worshiper of Desna, but as a 12,000 gp item it doesn't quite fit. If you toned down the effects to fit low-level play I think it would work better (it's more cinematic than a cloak of resistance, you wouldn't need so many prerequisite spells, and low-level parties probably don't care so much about being taken seriously).

I hope that was helpful, and thanks again for critiquing my item (as well as so many others). I will try to share my opinion about other items as well, but I am studying for a huge exam so my available time is limited. Keep up the good work, I'm looking forward to seeing your work in 2015!

[Forgotten Knight]

Haladir wrote:

Mantle of Butterflies

I think this was well done for a first attempt. Overall a fun item, not sure if I would ever want to use it on a character, unless I was playing a Bard.

There were a couple of things I did have a issue with. As you did, I think maybe the swarm should not have been mobile.

Average swarm 5 foot radius, and the butterfly swarm is a 20 foot radius. The 20 feet is right on par with obscuring mist, and comparing that to a actual swarm I think the Butterfly swarm is a bit stronger.

Last thing I would have changed is maybe make the HP to disperse it a bit smaller. That seems kinda high to me, but otherwise as I said a fun item.

[Andrew Black]

Antariuk wrote:

Harbinger's Knock

Congrats! I see your item made it into the Top 100. I saw it several times and I think I voted for it most of them. I think it is a pretty creative idea.

First off I liked the name and the description, I could see this being used in an adventure. It is simple and clean in it its design. I like both its powers and they both fit the theme of the item well. I think it avoids the Swiss Army Knife trap, and it's not just a Spell in a Can.

I like the use of demoralize, but it might be a bit strong a bonus. I could see my adventuring party bring this along and hanging it on the door before going in after the BBEG.

I also like the compulsion to open of the door. I can see PC's using this to gain entrance to the thieves guild or the town garrison to free their "wrongfully" imprisoned companion. For this reason as the DM I think it needs some limits. It can only be used once on a door in 24 hours, but how many doors can be found in a big city. I would have liked to see an "only usable X times per day" in addition to the limit of once a day on any given door.

I didn't compile my own Top 32 list, but if I had this item would have been one I considered to be on it. Thanks for sharing it with us Antariuk, I am looking forward to seeing what you bring next year.

[Andrew Black]

Jacob W. Michaels wrote:

mamaursula wrote:

this is RPGSS, you need to punch us in the face and make us pay attention to your item.

I love this quote! I think it's a great way to to describe what to aim for in Superstar!

I think a designer really needs to Ro Sham Bo us if they want to make it to the Top 32! :P

[Feros]

Eighth Page Critiques:

Runestrip of Enchanting, Lesser:

The name is a bit confusing. You describe a lesser item, but don’t explain what the normal or greater items would be like. We get five different types, but they correspond to the level of weapon they would be ties to, not the levels of the item. There is a cool idea here in interchangeable weapon abilities, but it is lost behind an awkward mechanic.

Cloak of the Pestilent Trespasser:

This appears to be contagion in a can. Making everyone nauseated and possibly causing a disease to spread aren’t really attractive options for most players. This works more as a defensive device for evil characters and as a plot device for spreading a plague by nefarious means.

Flowerpot of Joyous Revitalization:

Ooh! New item! Of course that is because you were DQ’d, but I’m still kind of excited to see this. Reincarnation for plant creatures is a bit out there, and the cutesy smiling sun and rain clouds do nothing for me. It’s an interesting approach to a theoretical problem that I’m not sure there was a need for a solution. I don’t know how well this would have worked as I think it lacks interest for most players in its function.

Robe of Resonance:

I think the primary problem here is the cost. For this to double only sonic effects for 72,000 gp. Is so far out of the price range that most casters would pay for it. A lowered cost and maybe a sympathetic bonus for bardic performance or other musical abilities might have made it more desirable.

Legend Locket:

This is almost by definition a plot device. It gives no benefit to the wearer whatsoever beyond maybe creating a device that will force the next wearer to do as they wish in the form of a geas. Such items are do not usually move on in Superstar; they’re looking for things that characters will find useful, not just push the story along.

Cylinder of the Lights of the First World:

I like the visuals, but this is a solution for a game mechanic that most people care little about: lost arrows. If your gaming group keeps notes and tracks arrow use diligently, then this could be of some little use. Otherwise it wouldn’t be a high priority for most adventurers. Put simply, for that cost why not just buy more arrows?

Goggles of Dimensional Analysis:

For games in which tracking opponents that have escaped by magical teleportation is important, these have a use. But that is a very small niche. I like the visual of seeing the rift and being able to reopen it, but scrying spells and devices plus teleport spells produce the same effect for less money.

[Aaron Miller 335]

First let me thank everyone who critiques my item. So originally this s was Pantaloons of Panache but we couldn't use panache mechanics so I changed it to grit. The first description was only 12 words long and I changed it at the last minute fearing it was too boring, I hope the poorly written description didn't hurt me too much.

Pantaloons of Grit
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 7th
Slot belt; Price 8,000 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
These brightly colored leg wear can be found in may different styles including breeches, leggings, hosen, kilt, chausses, and pantaloons being the most popular style worn by dashing and daring adventures. Whatever the style they come in bold bright clashing colors that will get you noticed in courts, cave, or battle field.
When the wearer of Pantaloons of Grit would regain a grit point she may as a free action activate them instead of regaining the grit point. The wearer is now considered to have at least 1 grit point required by some deeds to stay in effect (i.e. gunslinger initiative) even if her grit is 0. Pantaloons of Grit stay active until removed or the wearer gains her daily grit points.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, heroism; Cost 4,000 gp

[Garrick Williams]

Thanks for critiquing Fleshless Shroud, Feros.

I've been going all over the place with my critiques. I'm mainly looking for ones I saw in the voting and wanted to say something about.

Skinflayer's Scapel

Spoiler:

Liked: Great flavor. Rather useful. Very cool and mechanically solid.
Disliked: Gross-out factor. Personal taste isn't the only issue with icky items. When voters look at your item, they're thinking about whether their characters would ever use the item. Consider the skinsend spell -- very flavorful, useful, and intriguing spell, but only a masochist would ever want to use it, even without the risk of losing their skin permanently. Even the creepy alchemist with a parasitic twin and a tumour familiar would think twice about cutting someone's face off and putting it on his own.
What I would do different: Personally, I would have made the face turn into a wooden or silk mask and lower the disguise bonus. A player could have a lot of fun collecting transformative masks.
Overall: Very solid item overall, but I agree that the gross-out factor likely hurt your voter appeal.

Dragon Skin Cloak

Spoiler:

Liked: The general idea is rather cool. I like that the energy attack appears as an animated image on the cloak. The template work is fine for the most part, though "Reflex" needs capitalized
Disliked: I voted against this item for many reasons.
1) Way too wordy and a slogfest to read. I think the item needs better language to captivate the reader. Use more active voice.
2) I'm not a fan of "I steal your attack and throw it back at you" items. Such effects are very powerful and usually require little investment to use, which is why spell turning is a high level spell and Crane Riposte got errata'd to oblivion. This also forced you to make the item ridiculous in price and yet I still think it's overpowered.
3) This item is a borderline SAK. It does way too much.
4) Clunky mechanics. Why 10/day uses when most PCs won't face 10 elemental attacks per day? Why does the item use Charisma? What vulnerability would be associated with acid, sonic, or force attacks?
5) I'm pretty sure you typo'd there or something. The item says the attack effect DC is spell level + Charisma modifier when it probably should be 10 + spell level + Charisma modifier.
What I would do different: I would personally rewrite the text, have it work once per day, detail the energy types it can react to, detail what vulnerabilities each one grants, and reduce the number of powers to one or two, probably the absorption and a 10-foot nova. This would make the cape an appealing item for martials wading into battle while taking an onslaught of spells. However, giving a wizard the ability to snipe people with their own spells from relative safety is not superstar to me.
Overall: I was not a fan of this item. It looks like a first draft. However, it could be really fun with a few tweaks. "Turning items" became a common trope in this year's voting, but you had one of the better ones out there simply because the others completely negated the assailant's attack.

[Feros]

Papasteve08 wrote:

Feros: I get where you are coming from here. I enjoy items like this (that make a neat twist on fundemental rules) but my (extremely limited) experience with this in the Blazing 9s is that not many people understand some of the intricacies of the rules except the "rules lawyers". I made a practice item that put a twist on the Withdraw Action. I thought it was neat, simple and fun, and eliminated some risks when withdrawing from enemies with reach. (with a drawback I thought would be fun) I realized most people didn't even understand the fundamental part of the rule I was trying to twist, and therefore misunderstood my item. (good thing it was practice... not that my actual item fared much better)

Anyways, the quick lesson I learned was as fun and clever as these kinds of twists are (imo) its too easy to lose voters to misunderstanding.

Yeah, I ran into that trouble this year as well. I talked about concealment in my item, and people got confused as to why you would want to target a spot you could see. Invisibility confers magical total concealment in the game when they have pinpointed. My item would reveal an invisible foe if you pointed to the right spot (indicated by arrows or noises coming from there, etc.) By assuming that everyone understood that all types of concealment included invisibility on beings in the zone, I probably lost some voters who couldn't understand the value of the second function.

[Ben Iglauer]

Protean Horn
Aura strong transmutation; CL 16th
Slot none; Price 70,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This spiral horn of swirling, motley colors writhes in your grasp. Sounding the instrument normally results only in a cacophonous ululation, however, twice per day, you may blow the horn after speaking its command word to derange reality. This surrounds you with a 20' radius region of chaotic warp that acts as the spell solid fog except that it does not provide concealment or block line of sight, and it is not dispersed by winds of any strength. The region is immobile. In addition, you gain a disharmonic vibration that grants you the benefits of the spells freedom of movement and entropic shield. The disharmonic vibration persists outside of the region of warp. Both the warped region and the disharmonic vibration last 10 minutes.

If you speak the command word and sound the horn while you are within a chaotic warp created by the horn, it has a different effect. You may choose one other creature or object that is within the warped region to be subject to the spell polymorph any object (save DC 22). However, the additional disharmonic vibrations imparted to you affect you with a warpwave, as described in the Bestiary 2 entry for proteans. You can resist the warpwave’s effects with a DC 22 Fortitude save.

Protean horns can only be created with the help of a protean. Typically they are created by a spell caster with a voidworm familiar, but sometimes proteans are called via planar summons or similar magic to assist in such a task.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, entropic shield, freedom of movement, polymorph any object, requires the assistance of a protean who must be present throughout the creation process; Cost 35,000 gp

[quibblemuch]

Archimedean Lever
Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 4,500 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
The archimedean lever appears to be a simple 3 inch by 1 inch pine lath, 10 feet long and tapering to a wedge at both ends. When deployed with any mundane fulcrum it triples the user’s lift capacity (see Pathfinder Core Rulebook, page 169) for objects that can be pried up. Additionally, a character using an archimedean lever to force open a portcullis or door doubles her Strength bonus for the Strength check to break or lift the obstacle (see Pathfinder Core Rulebook, pg. 413). This item does not affect the character’s actual Strength in any way, nor can it be used as a weapon (to perform a trip maneuver, for example).
When combined with an immovable rod as the fulcrum (see Pathfinder Core Rulebook, page 484), the archimedean lever reveals a greater power. The wielder’s lift capacity for objects that can be pried up becomes 8,000 pounds, and she reduces the DC of any Strength check made using the lever by 30, to a minimum of 0.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, ant haul, creator must have 5 ranks in the Knowledge (engineering) skill; Cost 2,250 gp

[Christopher Dudley]

Feros wrote:

Aberrant Eye:
A rather expensive item that can render a target insane. I guess my problems with this item are twofold: first the description is clear but doesn’t grab me and second the effect is not as good as something of that cost should be.

I toyed with the idea of making it 3 times per day, but I felt that having no-save against wisdom damage made it too powerful to go 3/day. And I kept it with no save against the wisdom damage because a) I hate save-negates items that end up being a waste of a turn much of the time, and b) I also hate items and spells that require multiple saves.

Thanks for the comments!

[Feros]

Ninth Page Critiques:

Lock of a Legend’s Hair:

A 5,000 gp one shot mythic item? OK, I can understand it to some degree, but perhaps this should be a charged item that allows one use a day until the adventure is done. I like the idea of introducing mythic power to non-mythic characters in a limited way, but I’m not sure this item’s mechanic works very well.

Eye Sockets Bracer:

The effect here is quite useful and interesting. The problem is the visual image of actual eyes being replaced. I think the ick factor may have weighed down your useful item unnecessarily. Some other method to produce the same effect might have gotten a better response.

Myriad Scabbard:

Sort of a limited handy haversack for swords. Not a bad idea at all, and a pretty solid magic item in the basic construction. I guess the problem here is that it isn’t really memorable. Superstar items need something—a visual effect, item description, or mechanic—that sets them apart.

Dead Jester's Cap:

Your item was very memorable and quite unique. But laughing undead misses the mark with me. I think the description of the effects needed the same detail you put into describing the cap itself. The visuals here were unique, but left me cold.

Banker’s Monocle:

This item would certainly exist in a fantasy world. There is no doubt that every bank, money lender, and jeweler would want one. The problem here is that I can’t see an adventurer wanting to be bothered with these, so they become background color and nothing else.

Stone of Knowledge:

A simple consumable magic item that is a bit too expensive for its use. Most parties have someone with a variety of knowledge skills to call upon, and they can hire a sage for far less than 800 gp a question. The +2 bonus for skilled use is just not worth the cost.

Skinflayer's Scalpel:

A bit icky, but interesting. Ultimately I think the ick factor hurt you more than anything else. The concept is good; perhaps had a death mask of the corpse been made and that applied to the users face this could have had a better reception.

[Eric Hindley]

Maurice de Mare wrote:

Eric Hindley wrote:

Ok, I am game, what killed me:

Green Thumb

1( the name, I thought it was one of the gardening itess

2) Really don't get why allies would get a +5 climb bonus, well actualy, visually I do, but there is a huge gap between what it does for enemies and what it does for allies.
3) re-usable consumable???

Eric, you are a monster building god, but this is a mess. You are missing here a very tight theme, your powers are not connected enough in my opinion and that killed you.

Thanks for the kind words Maurice, though I suspect I still have a few things to learn before I'll take the monster building god title (I'm no Daigle). Thanks for the feedback, and thanks to Feros and everyone else who has taken the time to review my item.

[Dragon78]

I don't have an exact copy, I have the rough draft but I will have to wait to wright it down after I come home from work.

[Forgotten Knight]

Feros wrote:

Ninth Page Critiques:

Myriad Scabbard

Thanks for the critique. Thats kinda the thought I had in making it, something that would be useful. But you are right, I am getting a lot of the same, it just had no WOW factor. I took the "what would be really useful" approach, as opposed to the "What is the most ridiculous thing I can think of" approach.

[Garrick Williams]

Pantaloons of Grit

Spoiler:

Liked: Hey, it's the grit pants! I like the benefit and works well when the gunslinger has full grit. I do want to see more items appealing to gunslingers.
Disliked: This takes up the belt slot -- no gunslinger would ever wear this over a Dexterity belt (also raises the question: if your pants take up your belt slot then what's holding up your grit pants?). The first two sentences seem really unnecessary and fail to captivate my attention. You have format errors, too. Your item should be lowercase in the text. Gunslinger's initiative should not be italicized.
What I would do different: I would give the pants an ability that does something other than cheat grit economy. I've seen many items try to manipulate a class resource and none of them faired well. I would eliminate or rewrite the flavor text as well. Why aren't the grit pants gritty?
Overall: There's just simply not enough in this item. The bland flavor text did not help either.

Archimedean Lever

Spoiler:

Liked: It looks like you did some research. I commend you for trying to make an item involving rules often overlooked. The mechanics look fairly solid and the template use looks flawless except you should be consistent whether "page" is abbreviated.
Disliked: I cannot see any PC carrying a 10 foot stick around that costs 4.5k, especially one that they cannot wield as a weapon for some inexplicable reason. It deals with rather boring rules and fails to make them exciting. Even if PCs have this thing to help them adventure, they still have the problem of carrying the heavy stuff. The best use I can think of is using the lever to knock over someone's wagon or house.
What I would do different: I would have given the lever other uses than lifting stuff. Maybe it can fling a PC or an enemy up into the air.
Overall: The item shows Superstar attention to detail, but the concept just doesn't excite. This seems better off as a background item, a magical item that NPCs use that doesn't really need a stat block.

[Feros]

Tenth Page Critiques:

The Wanted Nail:

I’ll admit that the use of the old nursery rhyme threw me a bit here. I know it was the inspiration for this item, but I think that was where it should have stopped. Making it clear to everyone where the concept was derived made it less acceptable and many may have approached it as a pure joke item.

Jellyfish Belt:

OK, you definitely did not play it safe and took a bold chance. Large pink tentacles originating at a person’s waist and attacking people is a very vivid image. Unfortunately it is that very image that probably made many people vote against this item. Just a little too disturbing.

Gloves of the Artful Gardener:

As a professional horticulturalist, I got a great kick out of this item and up voted it more often than not. But there are some mechanics problems with changing language from use/day to charge, and the extra abilities against plant creatures and the DR are sort of superfluous and unnecessary additions. It could stand on its own quite well without them.

Treads of Momentum:

Storing up unused movement for a single massive burst is a really neat idea and definitely worth making into a boots magic item. But your writing makes the connection to water a bit confusing, the image is not well defined, and the template probably cost you some close votes.

Bloodgorged Gloves:

The imagery is a little disturbing, but not much until the blood whip comes up. Your main problem here is the nature of the image (rather gory) and some misspelled words in your item description. It would take a really skilled bit of writing to make this item shine.

Dice of Movement:

The random mechanic is what gets you here. You could be hasted for up to 35 rounds maximum once per day. Yet that is only 3 minutes and 30 seconds. So the extra dice added on is not really useful as most combats don’t last 10 rounds. I actually like the idea of dice as a magic item, but I ironically think that the random element shouldn’t be what makes magic dice special.

Stone of Elemental Blood:

If you buy alchemist’s fire a lot, this may come in handy. But the cost is so high that this would only be used in situations where alchemical weapons could not be attained easily. Having to kill monsters to get the weapons to help you kill monsters…ultimately a portable alchemy lab if far more cost effective.

[Andrew Black]

Christopher Dudley wrote:

Thanks to Garrett for rescuing this for me. This was my item.

Aberrant Eye

I saw this a few times during the vote, and I will be honest and say that I don't recall ever voting for it. The reason: it was full of description but not full on details. I liked the description in the first paragraph, but I feel it is better for a story than a magic item description.

I think your second paragraph could have been clearer, and that would have helped in understanding the way the item works. I do like that you took a chance on using the alternate insanity rules...a DM can choose to use this item or not if it fits their game style. That said it was probably to niche for most of the voters since Superstar Items need to be accessible to all game tables, or be really WOW.

Ultimately I don't think this one fits the WOW factor. As a player I don't desire to use it and as a DM I could possibly use it as a hook with a villain, but it doesn't fit my play style. It doesn't make me want to learn and use the optional rules. I know that others will disagree so I am not saying that this is wrong, just why I didn't care for it. I hope this helps.

Thanks for sharing the item with us, Christopher.

[Feros]

Eleventh Page Critiques:

Leaf of the Seasons:

I really like the imagery you have here, but as you point out it is essentially a spell in a can. The four seasons motif can work really well if backed by a good mechanical effect in the game. Just using a spell with some minor modifications isn’t enough.

Pantaloons of Grit:

You could have called them Swashbuckling Pantaloons or something similar, since the Swashbuckler archetype for rogues exists in the game and gunslingers are swashbuckling types. As it is, they got associated with gunslingers not swashbucklers. They far better fit the light-hearted swashbuckler over the sometimes dour gunslingers. Beyond the misplaced imagery it is a simple and useful item, but not much else.

Protean Horn:

Sort of bizarre combination of solid fog and polymorph other. I like the imagery and concept, but it requires looking into a Bestiary that not everyone might own. The PRD could provide the info, but it makes the horn harder to use when you have to look something up.

Archimedean Lever:

This is a great utilitarian item that I added to my keep file. It really feels like it should have been in the game for years. Unfortunately it is just a utilitarian device. There is no great visual image here or cool concept that players will want to have.

And I'm caught up! :D

[Andrew Black]

BigNorseWolf wrote:

Corsair’s Coir

I saw this item several times during the vote and it often got my vote. I liked it, but I like most thing with a swashbuckling flair. It is a simple easy to use item. I liked the idea behind it and the way it could be used in play. I could see many characters that might use it, and I think the players in my game would like to find it in a treasure horde. It is pretty specific to a Skull and Shackles type game, so that may not have gone over with the majority of voters.

One nitpick I have is the 5 ranks of sailor or pirate profession in the crafting requirements. I don't think it does anything for the item except add flavor, which the item already has, and makes it inaccessible for many PC's to be able to craft it.

I think this has some mojo even if it only appeals to a small fan base. I hope this helps and that you will be entering again next year. Thanks for sharing your item with us BigNorseWolf

[Bardess]

Thanks Feros, it gives me hope: an "almost" positive feedback. See you next year!

[frank gori]

If you have an item listed before this point I've reviewed your item on my thread Here

[Papasteve08]

quibblemuch wrote:

Archimedean Lever

Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 4,500 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
The archimedean lever appears to be a simple 3 inch by 1 inch pine lath, 10 feet long and tapering to a wedge at both ends. When deployed with any mundane fulcrum it triples the user’s lift capacity (see Pathfinder Core Rulebook, page 169) for objects that can be pried up. Additionally, a character using an archimedean lever to force open a portcullis or door doubles her Strength bonus for the Strength check to break or lift the obstacle (see Pathfinder Core Rulebook, pg. 413). This item does not affect the character’s actual Strength in any way, nor can it be used as a weapon (to perform a trip maneuver, for example).
When combined with an immovable rod as the fulcrum (see Pathfinder Core Rulebook, page 484), the archimedean lever reveals a greater power. The wielder’s lift capacity for objects that can be pried up becomes 8,000 pounds, and she reduces the DC of any Strength check made using the lever by 30, to a minimum of 0.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, ant haul, creator must have 5 ranks in the Knowledge (engineering) skill; Cost 2,250 gp

I am so pumped you posted this. This was hands down my favorite item (not counting mine and my buddies, because I am biased, and I admit it). I love the fact that you tied in the immovable rod, an item which I have always dismissed in games because I would rather spend my hard earned gold on something else.

I personally don't see the issue with a character carrying around a 10 foot pole, because most likely it is going to be a fighter/tankish type, who often can, and does carry weapons like longspears, halberds, or reach weapons. Carrying around a 10 foot pole is not uncommon in my opinion.

Anyways... I loved this item, and was dumfounded when I didn't see it even in the top 100. Not that my opinion means much. Hats off!

[quibblemuch]

Papasteve08 wrote:

The Jester's Drinking Buddy was my item! Thanks and I am glad you liked it!

Hear hear! It made me snort at the image every time it came up. And it was also on my "I want this IRL" unwritten list...

[Andrew Black]

David Higaki wrote:

Linebreaker’s Sabatons

I saw your item several times and unless it was up against my favorites it did get my vote. Congrats on making it into the Top 100.

I liked the idea of it but I am not sure it was executed the best way. I am not a fan of it having charges, that adds work to the Player/DM to keep track. I'd rather it just increase the land speed of the wearer, and then so many times each day allow for the added benefit of the Awesome Blow. I also think that this some how be connected to the Charge rules since that is effectively what this item is.. a charge with a supper hit at the end. I can see many characters that would want it, and I think my PC's wouldn't mind finding them in a treasure horde.

Tightened up I think this makes a great item for "a book of magic items" but I think it's missing the WOW factor that makes me want to vote it into the top 32.

Thanks for sharing it with us David, I can't wait to see what you bring to us next year.

[Zi'on Darkbane]

Nickolas Floyd wrote:

Zi'on Darkbane wrote:

Coil of Ionic Inversion

I'm jumping ahead on this one because I already critiqued it. Someone PMed me the whole text in their list of favorites, so you made that person's favorite list. I was not as big of a fan.

Nick, thanks for your honest review. It is very much appreciated...

[Andrew Black]

Zachary Wydawski wrote:

Helm of Brass

Welcome to the contest, entering is the first hurdle and I am glad you did. I saw your item a few times while voting and I did vote for it once or twice over less creative items.

I think your opening description is right on, it made me want to know exactly what this helm did. However I was not a big fan of the first power. It is essentially 2 Spells in a Can, although it was cool looking. Also I was unclear by what you meant by using the flame as a thrown weapon reduces the duration...by how much? There is something cool going on here, but I think you need to find a way to let the spells inspire the fire effect but work differently then the spells.

I also was not a fan of the the second power creating a Plane of Fire. I like some of the effects it offers and perhaps they could be worked into the fire power of the helm in the first paragraph, but you want to be careful of keeping tight to the theme and not being a Swiss Army Knife of effects.

If you haven't found them yet on the boards go look for the SKR auto reject advice threads. Also Clark Peterson and Neil Spicer have some awesome posts about Wondrous Item design in the past years archives.

Thanks for sharing your Items with us Zachary, I hope this helps and I hope you continue to enter...I think you have the creative spark that will reveal a Superstar kind of Item.

[Zi'on Darkbane]

James Raine wrote:

Nickolas Floyd wrote:

I'm jumping ahead on this one because I already critiqued it. Someone PMed me the whole text in their list of favorites, so you made that person's favorite list. I was not as big of a fan.

I'm the person in question who put it on their keep list. I'll admit that it isn't the pinnacle of game design, but it has something going for it. A lot of people here would call it mojo, but I wouldn't necessarily peg it as that. I think what struck me about this item was a lesser version of what struck me about the sewing form of the steel seamstress and the phylactery of a thousand races: the designer on this item saw a vacant spot in the game and decided to fill it. Most items here did this. However, the designer on this item...I don't know, it's an intangible thing. I feel like the designer on this item looked at this vacancy and went, "I'm going to fill that" and then went and did it, instead of prancing about with what ifs and why don't I's. I felt like, when I read this item, that this designer was fearless and was willing to challenge the scope of what "is" and what "isn't" the game.

I guess what I'm saying is that the willingness to delve into what others might call "too steampunky" or "too sci-fi" says to me that this designer is perfectly willing to think outside of the box. That is a thing that shows promise; mechanical design can be taught, formatting and templating can be trained, but invention? That's something you either have or you don't.

James, thank you for the very kind words. I hope to hang on the the inventiveness factor while building up the mechanics and game play aspects of design.

Lots to learn yet...

[Andrew Black]

isdestroyer wrote:

Cloak of Inversion

Congrats on your item making it into the Top 100. I saw it several times and voted for it often. I liked the concept behind it and making it a cloak was the right way to go. (I don't think I would have liked it as much in a Orb.) That said I think it has some mechanical flaws that need to be addressed.

As you know it is a SIAC, it is also cheaper than a cloak of displacement and does more for the user. Using the prone condition and the concealment miss chance together is wonky, I understand that you are looking for a way to make the character a shadow, but this is where the mechanics really fall apart for me. Also its an illusionary effect, so I get confused do they switch places or look like they switch places. I think there is a really cool thing happening here, I just think it needs to be better executed.

Thanks for sharing your item with us isdestroyer, I hope this helps and that you will bring us something awesome next year.

[Zi'on Darkbane]

quibblemuch wrote:

Archimedean Lever

What I thought was odd about this item was that it mimics and functions as a non-magical lever normally does.

A normal 10ft lever with say the fulcrum at 1 ft beyond the lift point increases the uplift force by multiplying the exerted force times the lever arm, in this case 9 ft. A 900 pound item could be lifted by applying a 100 pound force at the opposite end. Much larger loads can be lifted as you apply more force on the lever with the main limit being the breaking point of the lever itself.

I know this is a fantasy setting and items are not necessarily supposed to correlate to the physical world (my own item suffered because of this as well, but in the opposite manner), but the reality is that you don't really need a magic item to do what is being suggested.

If this item was only 18 inches long and it had some sort of planar anchor point so that it became a universal pry bar I could see this being really useful and truly wondrous since it couldn't possibly exist in the natural world.

I saw this on many personal favorite lists so it seems that many players would love to have this in their inventory, but I think it needs to leave the normal physical references behind so that it truly becomes an item that "wows."

[Christopher Dudley]

Andrew Black wrote:

Christopher Dudley wrote:

Thanks to Garrett for rescuing this for me. This was my item.

Aberrant Eye

Thanks for sharing the item with us, Christopher.

Thanks Andrew. I appreciate your comments.

[Nickolas Floyd]

Maurice de Mare wrote:

Nickolas Floyd wrote:

Band of the Undying Bond

I don't think this is overpowered, rather I think it is underpowered for the amount of GP I need to spend owning it.

Yeah, that is it, I am underwhelmed. You give me a spell in a can tied with something akin to a spectral hand for 32K and I am not impressed.

The item needs more mojo.

Personal opinion: I never like items with hyperlinking, I can see why you thought it might help, but yuck.

Under powered, huh. You are not the first reviewer to say this, but I felt I was playing with fire by using remote casting through a familiar. I've actually been sitting on this item for two years wondering if it was too powerful. Check out this thread and discussion I had with Neil Spicer during RPGSS 2012 on the subject of remote casting. I was working on this item at the time. Granted the item Neil was reviewing here was more broken than mine, but that is because I did my best to curb my item in when Neil said effects like this are broken or it would already be in the game. He pointed out the project image spell and that it is 7th level for a reason.

The Band of the Undying Bond has a great deal of versatility and strategic uses both in combat and outside of combat. In combat you can send your familiar out so that you have two vector options to line up a lightning bolt spell, or to cast a spell on the far side of that battlefield that you can't reach. It almost gives you a second spell caster in combat for one spell per day (though it takes some planning). You can cast a spell around corners and at things you can't see, but your familiar can. If your familiar has movement modes that you don't, or can move faster than you after fleeing enemies, you can target a spell where you would otherwise not be able to.
Outside of combat, other than the obvious spying it can do with sharing sight, it also allows you to detect magic, or detect thoughts, or see invisibility into areas you might not fit into or where a small animal may not be noticed or seem out of place. If you can retain line of effect within 170 feet, you can ambush enemies with a spell from your familiar without being seen yourself. There are many other applications that a creative player can utilize. Finally, I love things that interject familiars into the game, instead of being forgotten most of the time. "Wait, you have a familiar?" "Yeah, he's been here with me the whole time." I hate that.

Maybe Neil scared me into limiting it too much or over pricing it, but I basically shucked his advice to "not do it at all" and made and submitted the item anyway.

And why is hyperlinking "yuck?" Is convenience yucky? I love it in voting when an item is hyperlinked, especially when it references rules or spells that are outside the core book and I am unfamiliar with. I'll sometimes use the fact that I have to look up an obscure spell or rule as the deciding factor on which item I up vote. Hyperlinks would avoid this. I think people should take full advantage of the format they are submitting in. I've heard some say that they feel it is cheating, but how is it cheating when every submitter has the option to do use it? The judges in past seasons have said that it is mostly irrelevant to the contest, but one of the judges this year gave props to one of the top 32 for hyperlinking. So I say "do it." But I also marked the spells with the book they are found it as SKR suggested days before the submission deadline.

I do realize that my item was not superstar this year. I learn a lesson or two every year. This year, the first I learned was that it is best to not make a niche item that will only appeal to players of certain classes or certain types of characters. Universal items that any character can use will increase your chances of broad appeal. I knew this before hand, but took a risk. I won't risk it next year. The other is that it is best to go big on the visuals. New, well designed, and strategically interesting mechanics, though good, do not trump a spectacular effect or raw coolness of theme. My item this year definitely did not have this built in (though I think it has the potential to create a lot of memorable in game moments in the hands of a creative player).

Anyway, thanks for the critique and I will eventually get around to returning the favor on your Bloody Sheath of the Bravo.

[Andrew Black]

mad_mac_hl wrote:

Stone of Elemental Blood

Congrats on your Item making it into the Top 100. I only saw your Item a few times while voting, but I did vote for it each time. It was one of the few Items dealing with blood that I liked. It is a very creative way to gain a little extra umph from slaying creatures with a subtype.

I think mechanically it works and and l like that an Alchemist can get a little bit more out of it. The only thing I can suggest is I be clearer on how often it can be used. It says once a day, and it says It takes an hour per pint. Then below it says a gargantuan/colossal creature gives enough for a full days use. I think what you mean is it can be used once a day up to 24 hrs, but once you treated a certain amount of pints than it shuts off. So if I do 4 pints it works 4 hours and then I am done for the day, but if I have 24 pints it runs all day and night. If this were simplified I think this would be an awesome item.

Thanks for sharing it with us, mad_mac_hl, I hope to see you in the Top 32 next year.

[Andrew Black]

Nickolas Floyd wrote:

...it is best to go big on the visuals. New, well designed, and strategically interesting mechanics, though good, do not trump a spectacular effect or raw coolness of theme. My item this year definitely did not have this built in (though I think it has the potential to create a lot of memorable in game moments in the hands of a creative player).

I think the problem is hitting the best of both words here. You have to have an awesome visual that will appeal to the voters and look cool at the gaming table, but also have something more imaginative with the rules that the judges will like it over a flashy SIAC or SAK.

[Daethor]

Nickolas Floyd wrote:

Band of the Undying Bond

Ok, so you reviewed my item and now I'm returning the favor as promised. Take my opinion for what it's worth. I'm new at this, so my opinion isn't based on lots of experience or anything :P

Honestly, I really like this item. A lot. But the thing is, it took a while to develop that like. It didn't immediately grab me, because as you say, it's a strategic item where the coolness it creates has to be inferred and imagined. It's not immediately apparent. Because of the way the mass voting is set up, this weakens your chances. Now, it may seem like this is unfair (and maybe it is), but you should really use it to your advantage. You can still make a tactical item, but maybe include examples and/or more sensory language. Tell people what it feels like when you possess the familiar or something like that.

Right now, it comes off as a bit dry (for lack of a better word) due to presentation, but I think the mojo is there. You just need to make sure people see it! Keep up the good work :)