100 things the villain is doing when 'scrying' is cast on him

[Asphere]

Writing in their journal/diary (since so many Pathfinder villains keep them *see ROTRL*).

[Dreaming Psion]

296. Tossing a penny into a fountain to make a wish.
Comic version: Tossing his cousing Penny into a fountain to make a wish.

297. Having breakfast served to him in bed.
Comic version: Having tennis balls served to him in bed.

298. Washing his familiar/animal companion
Comic version: Having his familiar/animal companion drycleaned.

299. Doing his own yard work
Comic version: Doing is own dental work.

300. Taking up a new hobby, like bird-calling
Comic version- Taking up a new hobby, like buffalo-calling

301. The villain is weighing the pros and cons of his various plans to decide which are good ideas and which are bad ideas.
Comic version: The villain is enlisting the help of Mr. Skullhead to decide which of his plans are good ideas and which are bad ideas.

[Dreaming Psion]

302. Auctioning off a captured, polymorphed hero/heroine NPC to a host of other villains. The captured NPC has been polymorphed into some helpless animal form.
Comic version: The captured NPC has been polymorphed into a two-headed chicken that only speaks bad high school French. Regardless of the gender of the NPC in human form, the chicken form can lay eggs, and the chicken considers these egss its babies.

[lucky7]

303. Creating a new spell.

304. Consorting with a greater villain (Comic: and groveling.)

[Arikiel]

305. Flumph

[Dreaming Psion]

lucky7 wrote:

304. Consorting with a greater villain (Comic: and groveling.)

Comic ver. B Cavorting with a greater villain

[Immortal Greed]

Cohorting a greater villain, as in Kick Ass 2.

[Lincoln Hills]

Dreaming Psion wrote:

(Various quotes from "Good Idea, Bad Idea"

There were a few of the "segments" on Animaniacs that I didn't enjoy, but it was always a high point to hear Tom Bodet say, "It's time for another 'Good Idea, Bad Idea'..."

[ReckNBall]

306. Surveying a new bolthole ala doomsday preppers. Supplies, weaponry, coin of the realm.
306a. This bolthole is the upstairs studio apt located above a tannery. The stench is visible through the scry.

[lucky7]

307. Comic: Reading the newspaper and saying "Oh, you silly kitty!!! I like lasagna too!"

[Jaelithe]

308. At confession, genuinely repenting his sins and resolving to aid the heroes from this point forward.

[Lightminder]

309. Singing stings every breath you take as she prepares a scurrying spell on Jodie foster.

[Lightminder]

309 sp scrying . I hate auto spell functions...

[Lightminder]

310. Anxiously and angrily searching in a frantic desperate and destructive manner, for his chariot keys.
311. Telling a really long joke.

[Freehold DM]

312. Cleaning obsessively. He is more than a little bit of a neat freak. (Comic- cleaning an inappropriate body part obsessively, like his ears or fingernails).

313. Playing with his dolls through the use of magic. He has them in a strange map, fighting other, larger dolls that look like a cross between stuffed animals and monsters. A good look at the map reveals where the pcs suspect he may be making his next move, and the stuffrd animals are monsters known to be native to the region. (Comic- he is playing with gi joes, incredibly poseable ones from the 80s, and enjoying every second of it [wouldn't you?])

314. Sitting on a swing, idly passing time by twisting the seat 'round and then letting go whwhen the chain is kinked up as far as it will go. A ghost of a smile is on his face as he loses himself for a moment in a once cherished childhood activity.

[lucky7]

315. Waking up next to a balor.

[shallowsoul]

316. Giving you the finger.

[lucky7]

317. Walking through his capital city (Comic: And getting crap dumped on his head)

[strayshift]

318. Doing their workout routine. (Comedic - Play 'Let's Get Physical' by Olivia Newton John);
319. Lying under a strange blue-ish/white light with slices of cucumber over their eyes.
320. Putting on a mud mask.
321. Having a medical examination (Comedic - Cuts with the Cleric putting on a latex glove...)
322. For some reason they are standing on the ceiling, hanging upside down.
323. Practicing changing shape into a small animal and bolting down a pipe as a escape mechanism.
324. Picking their nose absent-mindedly.
325. Scratching somewhere personal or adjusting themselves absent- mindedly.

[Icyshadow]

326. Meditating, only to suddenly open their eyes as if they can tell they're being observed.

I'd use that for an Asura, a Rakshasa or an Evil Monk.

[Freehold DM]

327. At a funeral for an npc villain the pcs have just killed. He gives a short, but heartfelt eulogy, then, looking directly at the scryer, promises a reckoning.

[DungeonmasterCal]

327b. At a funeral for an npc villain the pcs have just killed. He gives a short, but heartfelt eulogy before casting True Resurrection on his fallen friend, who suddenly sits up in his coffin, high fives his buddy, and then they both look directly at the scryer and laugh and laugh and laugh and....

[Jaelithe]

328. Demonstrably giving the spouse/significant other of the scrying PC (or failing that, one of the party members) the best sexual experience of his/her life.

329. Conversing with the scrying PC's/party member's young daughter: Giving her candy, becoming her friend ... and, in the midst of that, smiling and glancing significantly at the observer.

330. Tending to one of the observer's fellow PCs (or significant NPC party members), who's clearly been enspelled/imprisoned—leading to the inescapable possibility that the fellow or gal you just saw a half-hour ago is a doppleganger, clone, simulacrum, shape-changed/polymorphed foe, and deep into your counsels.

331. Writing a letter that reads, "Your attempts to observe me are amusing, but your pathetically limited measure of success ends now." Abruptly, the vision ceases and no subsequent attempt is successful.

332. Interrogating one of the observer's allies, who proceeds to break in most dispiriting fashion as the scene plays out.

[strayshift]

333. They summon a half-sized devil/demon.

[Freehold DM]

334. At a wine tasting. (Comedic- Hosting a poison tasting, asking truly inappropriate questions of the poor souls he's tied up- "But can you taste the cream de menthe? Should I add more or less vermouth to this? Why are you gagging, this stuff is good!".)

[Sissyl]

335. Holding court. And not enjoying doing so. Person after person after person presents their grievances, and the scryee sinks deeper and deeper into the throne, obviously trying to fight sleep but occasionally failing. The cases they hear are clinically free of any sort of interest for the scryers.

[NoncompliAut]

336. Interrogating a minor NPC using detect thoughts instead of waiting for answers, then using one of the many memory-wipe spells. It is implied that this occurs frequently. (Comic: Not actually a spell caster, just someone who thinks he/she is.)

[Icyshadow]

337. Having "fun" with a succubus.

338. Trying out a shapeshifting spell of some sort.

339. Checking his/her wardrobe for the proper clothing to wear for the next battle.

340. Discussing a clever plot to take over a nation, which involves a dozen doppelgangers and the king's court.

[The black raven]

341. Looking with real interest at the picture/drawing/illusion of the scrier (or one of the other PCs), but naked :-)))

[Mikaze]

342. Writing fanfic about the PCs.

[Freehold DM]

343. Getting a rather deep tissue massage, followed by an acupuncture treatment.

[MagusJanus]

344. Taking orders from the princess he kidnapped and listening to her berate him for the faults in his plan before telling him she'll just have to rewrite the entire thing.

345. Stalking into his bedroom in a tutu, loudly complaining about heroes who feel the need to at least embarrass him before they die.

346. Having tea with the scryer's mother and telling her that he agrees that the whole fake villainy thing was the perfect way to get the PC to get off their rear end and actually do something with their life.

[Freehold DM]

347.Firing an arrow into the air. Where it lands, he does not care.

[Jaelithe]

Freehold DM wrote:

343. Getting a rather deep tissue massage...

Is that what they're calling it now? (See #328.)

Quote:

347.Firing an arrow into the air. Where it lands, he does not care.

Wadsworth Longfellow sighting! :)

348. Playing chess with pieces that look remarkably like the PCs and their enemies. He moves one of their most formidable foes to threaten the scryer's analog ...

... and said enemy bursts into the room.

349. Scrying on you simultaneously. Isn't that embarrassing?

350. Tending to his ailing mother/spouse/child: Checking her temperature ... administering the appropriate herbal medicaments ... listening patiently as she again remonstrates with him about his soul not being worth her life, that she wants him to stop using his villainy to pay for her treatments ...

351. Composing a symphony; actually, it's pretty darn good. He or she has a future in music if the "master of evil" thing doesn't work out.

352. Making the bed. It takes a half-hour, because it has to be just right. He or she is as meticulous as you thought.

[Bill Lumberg]

352. Undergoing a Remove Curse spell:

The villain reclines in a comfortable chair but is in obvious distress. He sweats profusely and shakes while gritting his teeth. Another figure, his or her face turned away from the scrying scene, stands beside the villain. The second figure spends several minutes gesturing, manipulating several small fetish items and intoning a spell. The voice is high, nasal and has an unidentifiable foreign accent that make it difficult to tell if it belongs to a man or a woman.

A DC 15 Spellcraft check reveals that this was a Remove Curse spell.

When the spell finishes the second figure steps around a corner that completely hides him or her. The villain wretches into a cloth and tries to stand but falls back into the chair. Incensed, he turns to face the hidden figure and bellows "It did not work! I can still feel it, right here!" as he points to his abdomen.

[Jaelithe]

Bill's is #353, I believe.

354. Speaking to an outsider via spell or device. When he or she asks it whether or not your group is aware of the ongoing plot against them, said outsider flicks its gaze at you, and dryly replies, "Well, yeah."

355. Working on his autobiography/making an entry into his journal. You see that while he counts your group as enemies, he also speaks very respectfully of you, and regrets that there's no way you can come to an accord.

356. Interrogating a prisoner. No torture is involved; instead, he seeks to employ rhetoric and logic to persuade his captive to join him openly. They both seem to be enjoying the debate, in deadly earnest though it is.

357. Interviewing various individuals—male, female and gender-non-specific—for the position of personal courtesan. The questions range from the charmingly idiosyncratic to the intrusively lewd, and every extreme between.

[Jaelithe]

MagusJanus wrote:

346. Having tea with the scryer's mother and telling her that he agrees that the whole fake villainy thing was the perfect way to get the PC to get off their rear end and actually do something with their life.

That's really delightful.

[Cronatos]

358. Practicing his dance moves

359. Contact Juggling

360. Testing his reverse gravity trap.

361. Constantly freefalling via a pair of linked portals

[Jaelithe]

362. Scrying on someone else ... who's scrying on someone else ... who's ...

363. Sticking a pin in a voodoo doll ...

... at the moment of which you feel a sharp pain.

364. Performing his ablutions, after which he destroys all the various clippings, to prevent anyone from gathering material for sympathetic magic a la #363.

365. Playing chess via crystal ball with a colleague two planes away.

366. Holding court and warning one of his vassals that further recalcitrance will result in the death of his child, currently held as hostage to assure his cooperation. After dismissing the man, he sighs and mutters, "I hope he doesn't call my bluff. I'm not killing some child for the crimes of his father."

367. Listening with rapt interest, and scribbling notes furiously, as a summoned devil engages in a debate with a bespectacled astral deva.

[lucky7]

368. Struggling to pronounce Linoleum.

[Jaelithe]

lucky7 wrote:

368. Struggling to pronounce Linoleum.

I love it.

[Randarak]

369. Biting his toenails.

370. Biting someone else's toenails.

371. Biting someone's toes.

372. Helping a woman in labor give birth.

373. Emerging from the birth canal himself.

374. Sitting at a computer, but it has Windows 3.1 on it.

375. Poorly wrapping a package that has hints that there's someone in it. And they are not dead, and conscious.

[Jaelithe]

376. Performing an inspection of his/her personal guard. In the midst of it, he/she mentions, "You have a spot on your right shoulder"—which is odd, because the person he's inspecting has no such mark that you can see.

Later, when you're looking in a mirror, you see a spot on your right shoulder.

377. Going over the ledgers with his chatelaine. He informs her that she's diverting too high a percentage of funds "to the destruction of those damned adventurers," to which she replies, "Shut up, or I'll start taking it out of your pay."

378. Painting a portrait. She has talent ... and you realize that the "Anonymous" artist whose work is conquering the kingdom is by the woman who'd like to ... er ... conquer the kingdom.

379. Taking a rare, highly pleasurable and even more addictive drug; you realize that the only significant supply is in the area you call home, and that you may well be able to defeat him without firing another shot simply by cutting off all exports for the next few weeks.

380. Asking his closest followers for a volunteer to infiltrate an adventuring group that's been giving him trouble. You watch as he selects a rather lovely half-elf ...

... and almost burst out laughing at you fighter friend's belief that he's "irresistible" when, a week later, she seduces him and attempts to gain entrance into your party.

[Bill Lumberg]

381. Hawking his latest screenplay to a disinterested film producer.

382. Burying the body of a dead hooker.

383. Cajoling a terrified underling to "Pull my finger."

[MagusJanus]

384. Trying to breed sharks that can cast disintegrate from a gem on their foreheads.

385. When the spell is cast, the PC only sees themselves.

386. Telling the king the PCs are a group of spies that are out to disrupt the nation right before pointing out the scrying sensor.

387. He's playing a game of gnome-ball, which is a contest where people line up and kick a gnome as far as they can. His opponents are various kinds of giants. He's winning.

[lucky7]

388. Proposing a new kind of monster to the GRAND TRANSMUTER! He sounds like a little kid, using the words "cool" and "awesome" a lot. The transmuter is not enthused.

389. Protesting undead rights. "Zombies were people too!"

[Bunnyboy]

390. Farting very noisily.

391. Yelling: "Third time today! Can't I have a mome..." Then scrying is cut of.
Comic: "...nt of peace. Damn scryers." Then he claps his smiling devilishly and start writing his diary.

392. Talking to his shrink how he feels like he is under watch.
Comic1: The shrink is mindflayer.
Comic2: The shrink is mother of one of PC.

394. Tries to swat a fly.
Comic1: Tries to swat giantic fly.
Comic2: which is his former minion.

[strayshift]

395. Tax Returns.
396. Tax Returns with the assistance of an infernal being.

397. Interviewing for a position at their stronghold. Candidate is useless, his frustration is showing.
398. As above but candidate is exceptional (in terms of evil hench-person) and nemesis is delighted, cue moment of exposition.

399. Attending to their Koi Carp.
400. Poisoning someone elses Koi Carp...

[lucky7]

401. Crying.

[strayshift]

402. Making home brewed alcohol.
403. Knitting.
404. Sweeping the floor and generally cleaning up after a particularly messy ritual.
405. Cooking tea.
406. Feeding their pet.
407. Rolling a reefer (or its equivalent).