Insult Rappin'

[hobbsdadolfin]

and yet people say "that's what she said" is old.

my computer is crazy awesome. 98 fps on Skyrim!

[lucky7]

Yeah but the brightness is "Ridiculously dim!"

I balance sword in one hand, axe in the other.

[Pulg]

While hiding scores of shuriken in your folds of blubber!

Queen Guinevere swore I was better than Lancelot...

[Sissyl]

...at fetching and emptying the chamberpot.

My mad skills make everyone dizzy!

[Gruumash .]

Yet your fashion sense reminds me of the band Thin Lizzy.

When I walk down the street kings and queens step aside.

[Charlie Bell]

And when they see your face, they all run and hide

I'm so effortlessly awesome at everything I do
If I were a character, I'd be such a Marty Stu
I could never write my memoirs, it just would be rude
Because my life story lacks verisimilitude

I'm so Great they started calling my dad the Hammer

[lucky7]

Because in the Mario game he was the ultimate Spammer!

Every day I can say I am victorious!

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

You say you're winning. We say you're boring us.

I have the powers of a level-20 Psionic!

[Charlie Bell]

Sounds like you've been smoking too much of that chronic!

I stared at the Gordian Knot and it untied itself in fear!

[Gruumash .]

We all know who has had too much beer here.

With a touch I can bring great warriors to their knees.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

The same could be said for a small swarm of bees,
given great warriors can still have allergies,
and be more careful not to repeat boasts, would you please?

I am Diamond Man - can you break me? I don't think you can!

[Pulg]

Nah, you're Cubic Zircona Boy, (not available in the shops!), with a stamp on your butt saying "Mead in Teiwaan"

All the ladies say that I've got Bear's Endurance...

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

You don't seem to get what they mean by the "Bear" reference....

I've got the power of Zeus and Loki and Thoth!

[Sissyl]

But what do you think of the fourth puppy, Spot?

I am so pretty the moon fades in shame!

[Charlie Bell]

You might be gorgeous, but that last rhyme was lame.

When I brought sexy back, I didn't need a receipt!

[Pulg]

Not sexy back but hairy back, 'cos you'se so hur-suite

I'm a Mach 10 shredder - I made Malmsteen weep...

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

You're as rugged and butch as a Marshmallow Peep.

I am the Bringer of Ultimate Vengeance!

[Conman the Bardbarian]

Yeah, we wave your rhymes away like the rest of your flatulence.

Lucky for us my rhymes summon tornados.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

Your rhymes are all dried-up and seedy, like a bag of Gardetto's.

I'm called "friend" by all spirits detailed in Ars Goetia!

[Conman the Bardbarian]

do di do didodlido di do di do didodo do di do didodilido YOU WIN!! they confetti ya

My rhymes are like the crank and you're the jack in the box.

[Charlie Bell]

In the insult rap henhouse, I'm the m_f_ing fox

My rhymes are so amazing even Scully believes!

[lucky7]

Yet as soon as he hears you, even Scully grieves!

I am the master of everything cool and hip!

[Charlie Bell]

Take it easy, lucky, don't you give me no lip!

I'm so bad a-- the Kraken releases ME!

[lucky7]

About every five minutes, when you have to pee!

I am the master of turn based anything!

[Pulg]

Yeah - you're Turning Japanese, just like The Vapors sing!

I can chew through tanks with my diamond teeth...

[lucky7]

Yet you have trouble keeping "your sword in it's sheath"

I am so tough I survive the mightiest of blows!

[Charlie Bell]

commentary:

[obvious retort is too easy]

Your mediocre rhymes can't match my rap flows!

I stop you dead in your tracks like quivering palm!

[lucky7]

having that many monk levels is really just dumb! (dumb as dahm)

When I spill salt, it leaps right over my shoulder

[Charlie Bell]

That rap was cool, but mine are just colder

My rhymes resurrect threads like clerics raise dead

[Pulg]

You want 'zombie fluffer' on your resumé? Uh.. go ahead...

I'm not dead, I'm just resting, just like Barbarossa!

[lucky7]

Keep lying like that, it'll eventually cost ya!

The laws of physics are mine to command!

[Trinite]

Your flow's twisted up like an ampersand!

My rhymes cut you up like Mack the Knife!

[lucky7]

The lyrics-like your soul-simply have no life!

I am the best of the best-don't pretend otherwise!

[Trinite]

You rappin' is lamer than jazzercise!

Call me Robbin' Hood, cause I'm such a smooth criminal!

[zylphryx]

Your crimes don't even rank; sub-par, below minimal.

I'll bust your rhymes, rearrange 'em and give 'em worth!

[lucky7]

That's rappin? It sounds like you're just giving birth!

I gave Colbert the lucky7 bump!

[Conman the Bardbarian]

You're such a great contortionist with your head stuck up your...
you keep spittin out you're rhymes so they're landing in a clump.

When people dance to your rhymes they call it 2 Steppin
I polymorph to a monkey and sling them like my favored weapon.

[lucky7]

You somehow remind me of LOTR's Pippen!

I control not just the Earth but everything in the universe!

[Charlie Bell]

Sheesh, lucky7, you just keep getting worse....

My style flows so hot just like molten lava

[Antimony]

But it turns people off like yesterday's java.

I'm Antimony, yo, I'm a heavy metal...

[lucky7]

You fold easily, similiar to a flower petal!

I will not back down, this victory is mine!

[Charlie Bell]

I don't dig your raps like Jules don't dig on swine

My raps are so good you gotta wrap them in bacon!

[Changing Man]

But still lame and weak, no chance the dragon's wakin'.

I'm the Master Snowcaster, taught Calistria howta freek'...

Spoiler:

and I must confess, this post was rather weak.
I hope this doesn't make me just a geek.

[lucky7]

Then she looked at you and said "No way, too meek"

I am the master of the battlefield when I roll the dice!

[Spastic Puma]

But they're loaded d20's, and your DM's too nice.

Your manhood's so small, it gets a plus eight to AC...

[lucky7]

Hey man, that was your boast so it's not about me!

From Nesod to Custom Jerry PFS is mine!

[Cr500cricket]

You're pretty bad at rappin' so I'll teach you to rhyme
My speed puts falcons to shame

[Charlie Bell]

When I set the house on fire, you'll just go down in flame
My lyrical style is white hot like a flame tongue

[Conman the Bardbarian]

They call ya Charlie, cause your, Bell got rung
I'm on a higher level, the top of the ladder

[Pulg]

I'm Asmodeus, not odious - you can't get badder
Yeah, I'm the Capo Tutti Capi of the whole Nine Hells...