I really like this item but I agree with Joana's assessment of the time required to scrub a 1 sq. ft. area, especially if it's just a dry block of soap. People, I want you to go to the bathroom and pull out a new bar of soap and then colour in a square on the bathroom wall. Takes a bit longer than 2 seconds right (I split my 6 second rounds into ~4 seconds for a standard and ~2 seconds for a move action).
My only other gripe is it's nearly 1kg weight. 2lbs is one heck of a large bar of soap, even for a filthy seer. ;)I do like the 10ft limitation on wall thickness, though 5 is probably enough for most uses (think of a very short person lying down, there's ya 5ft thickness) as it probably stops you from looking through the walls of a keep but let's you look through most internal walls.
Congratulations, I'm looking forward to seeing your next entry.
Thank you!
The 10ft was quite deliberate, since many such items really limit the creative uses you can put them to just because they're sized to only look through doors. Going past that limit lets you start thinking beyond just finding out what's in the next room.
Also, items and abilities like this are a great excuse for GMs to start using more symbol spells and monsters with gaze attacks.
I picked the weight based on the Soul Soap from the APG. I guess there's a lot of filler material compared to active ingredients. :)
I really like this item but I agree with Joana's assessment of the time required to scrub a 1 sq. ft. area, especially if it's just a dry block of soap. People, I want you to go to the bathroom and pull out a new bar of soap and then colour in a square on the bathroom wall. Takes a bit longer than 2 seconds right (I split my 6 second rounds into ~4 seconds for a standard and ~2 seconds for a move action).
My only other gripe is it's nearly 1kg weight. 2lbs is one heck of a large bar of soap, even for a filthy seer. ;)I do like the 10ft limitation on wall thickness, though 5 is probably enough for most uses (think of a very short person lying down, there's ya 5ft thickness) as it probably stops you from looking through the walls of a keep but let's you look through most internal walls.
Congratulations, I'm looking forward to seeing your next entry.
Thank you!
The 10ft was quite deliberate, since many such items really limit the creative uses you can put them to just because they're sized to only look through doors. Going past that limit lets you start thinking beyond just finding out what's in the next room.
Also, items and abilities like this are a great excuse for GMs to start using more symbol spells and monsters with gaze attacks.
I picked the weight based on the Soul Soap from the APG. I guess there's a lot of filler material compared to active ingredients. :)
Lol.
Excellent thinking then on the 'uses beyond looking in the next room' which is what my poor brain was clearly limiting itself to.
I'd suggest that the Soul Soap (flavour text calls it a small bar) is a flat out mistake in weight rather than a typo. But this is nothing new in a world where we sometimes have rings weighing a pound and is something that should be something picked up by the editors anyway.
Jason Bulmahn! There's a mistake with your soap!
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Heh. I was wondering about putting a window in a vampire's coffin to let the sunlight in. :)
It's way more useful than Door Sight since it lets light, gaze attacks, etc., through.
Now my cleric can be fully replaced with a wand of cure light wounds and a bar of soap. :P
RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka JoelF847
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I wasn't too keen on this item, due to the SIAC aspects, but I also thought that having the one way window was inherently better than a 2 way window, and should somehow have cost more. If you make a normal window, whatever's on the other side at least has a chance to spot it and respond - so I would have liked to see the one-way version cost double the # of sq ft.
Matthew, congratulations on making it through.
Unfortunately, I'm not wowed by your item. Yes, you pulled it off really well, but I feel that you pulled off... something not exciting very well. Like making the world's best peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
I hope you prove my disapproval wrong in the next round!
Matthew, to be honest, I didn't vote for your item; but I have a bias against clairvoyant items, so it's not really your fault. I will say that of the clairvoyant items submitted this year (and there were LOTS), yours was easily among the best -- mostly thanks to your easy writing style.
This means, to get my vote in the next round, you'll have to really work at it. And pay close attention to the template, my OCD was really bothered by the missing commas in your prices.
Congratulations Matthew,
Not a big fan, but there are key aspects that will stick with me. The sudsy edge is a great visual. The simple counter with a bit of water being built in.
Suggestion for R2 (& I realize this is coming too late) : swing for the fences. A bar of soap will only go so far, so make sure the archetype has lots of flash.
Nice job and good luck!
Consistently during my voting I was voting down the variety of items that let characters see through and pass through walls, until I came to yours. It is a very creative way to create an item that normally is blah. I voted it up many times, good luck in round 2.
I'm usually not a big fan of items like this, but you did a terrific job of creating something that is fun. I've said this before but when it is easy to visualize the item or the item in use, then that item has mojo.
As prior entries will tell you, Template Fu is one mean point eating machine, but will also praise where praise is due.
These reviews being this in depth usually take me a while to do and they get fitted in around other demands on my time, so please bear with me if I haven’t gotten to your item yet. I will get there in the end.
Review Caveat: I try to keep things totally dispassionate and all comments herein are my own. Having not made the illustrious levels that you have achieved this year, I can only caveat that anything I propose in feedback may not be totally in line with what Paizo thinks or needs of its freelance game designers, so do consider carefully any and all feedback I make under this light.
I start your review with…
Congratulations on being selected by the public at large and then the stalwart judges!
Review Breakdown:
Template: 4/5
Template Fu runs in, scans, grabs and runs gleefully with his prize held aloft, one of your points for his supper.
Slot should be none, make sure you are fully up to date with all game errata on any submission. This came in with 5th printing. Numbers should have commas in when 1,000 +.
Other than those two tiny things, your execution was spot on.
Spelling: 5/5
This bit IS boilerplate to avoid confusion. Everyone should know to use US English, so you just know that I am going to eat points for stray ‘u’ letters and similar.
The sound of crunching can be heard from the Template Fu den, let’s stealth past while we can…
Readability: 4/5
These are readings you can get from most spelling and grammar check options in word processors, for this, I am pasting everyone’s description into Word for consistency. My grading’s are purely my own personal feelings for target scores but it should be noted these are very helpful during development to spot problems in your writing, especially passivity.
Passive Sentences 41% (-1pt, work on this, it will help your word count, honest)
There are whole threads on this and it is possible to get 0%, which is wicked, but I would expect scores of less than 20% to be around the ideal mark for item descriptions (sometimes, you need the passive, but only rarely).
Flesch Reading Ease 70.9 (good, clear, easily understood)
(0-30 best understood by university graduates, 60-70 easily understood by 13-15 year olds, 90-100 easily understood by 11 year olds)
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level 7.4 (see comment above, ditto)
(This equates to the grades found in the US schooling system, e,g. 8.2 means it should be understandable by the average 8th grade student)
Me as a Designer Review: 5/5
Two tiny mis-steps on the template lead me to expect good things, so we turn to the meat of your submission, the description…
Short descriptive first line and straight into the powers. I would have liked maybe a little more flavor but what is there is perfectly functional.
Sentences starting “When” always make me think uh-oh, try to be more proactive in your description, say "what you do" not "when you do", e.g. something like “Scrubbing the soap against a non-magical inanimate surface…”. Also, when you start describing things as non-magical, always consider the game term mundane.
Wow, struggling to find stuff already, this is good.
I find myself wondering about the clarity – thinking about looking through bubbles blurs things, so I am wondering if a blurring of visibility, maybe partial concealment almost would have been something to consider. You may already have done, but thought it worth mentioning.
I also wondered whether you actually need water to dampen the soap before use or not, again, something to think about.
And that is pretty much all I can think of. 5/5. Extremely well done.
Overall Impression: 5/5
Simple easy to understand mechanics with a cool visual, this is just so good. I really like the attention to all the in game use. I particularly like that in a two way use, the other side can wipe it away.
In fact, this appeals so much it’s another 5/5 for you.
I certainly look forward to your archetype with great expectation!
Final Score: 23/25
I won’t give a final score comment as I haven’t for anyone else as I work through the items.
If this interests for personal reasons, please feel free to check out everyone else’s scores and at the same time check out your competition and their feedback too!
Closing, as I started…
Congratulations on being selected!
Thank you very much everyone for the feedback. I was very moved by some of the comments and I'm grateful to everyone for sharing their thoughts. :-)
Greatly appreciate the extended review, Template Fu. Seeing those little extra tweaks I can do to get a really flawless design is tremendously helpful. Bravo to you for putting the effort in for so many items!
That's what we are getting at Mark, just something for the author to be aware of as a designer. Specifically saying 25 applications is all a bar can do would have alleviated this issue. Of course we can tell what the intention was, but Superstar shouldn't need to rely on readers understanding that intention...it should be clear.
Whats to misunderstand, this is what 5th grade math? or earlier.
Weird...the Dungeoneer's Handbook has an item that's eerily similar to this one.
Neat! I'll look forward to checking it out once I can get my hands on a copy.