Had my 'leaving the job' party at work today.
Far too much deflecting my coworker's 'We can't wait for you to go find a girl' talk... -__-
Why do the people in this branch spend so much time trying to involve themselves in my personal life?
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I just started gaming with a trans woman who only recently (a few years) started living her life genuinely. She's a great person and is open about her struggles. I am glad that I met her. Not only because she's so fun to hang around with, but also because I think that she may not realize that her existence alone is inspiring to me. I'm hoping that I can get the courage to be myself one of these days. Spending time with her and seeing how others treat her shows me that my fears may not be as well founded as I once thought.
The only difference is that she just recently moved up here and so everyone here knows her only as her. They never knew her as him. I would have to deal with people who have known me for quite a long time. I have lost some friends over trying to be myself. While we all fear rejection, being rejected by the people you trust the most is devastating.
I have started seeing a therapist with the VA. He's a great guy and we're working on my anger issues. I am debating if I want to continue to do that or if I want to focus on being genderqueer. He knows that I'm genderqueer, but we haven't focused on it at all. He is letting me guide the therapy, which is a good thing and one of the reasons why I trust him.
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Thanks, everybody, for the birthday wishes for my wife!
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And monday is coming to a close, at least my side of the atlantic, I hope everybody has a not too bad opening of the week.
I had someone that I've known for over 20 years pretty much out me on Facebook today. I might have stopped it before it went too far, but it's possible that some people I didn't want to know about me might actually know now.
She used the wrong name on my page and several people politely asked her to change it before I said anything at all to her. Instead of apologizing and changing it, she went and tagged Bob's page on the post. I was working so I didn't notice it until over an hour later. I deleted it and asked her to please edit her original post to use the correct name. She refused.
So now she's blocked on both pages. I lost a friend that I've known for a very long time. It's nice to see that people came to my immediate defense. I don't know why she decided to do that. It may have had something to do with arguing over trans people using bathrooms and serving in the military. In any case, it was not her call to do that. It's my call to live at my comfort level.
I'm furious. I have not been this angry in a long time.
@Cindy: That is horrible. *hugs*
I hope things work out for you.
The thing that amazed me the most was how quickly my friends came to my defense. I asked two of them to say something because I wanted her to see that others understand how important it is for me. Then a bunch of my friends saw what was happening and they all politely asked her to edit the post. She dug her heels in. I don't know why.
I'm still getting messages from people saying that I should drop her. These are people who actually know her in person.
I was so frustrated with the wrong name that I didn't notice that she had also misgendered me until I had already blocked her.
So far, no one has said anything to Bob so it's possible that no one noticed. It happened during work hours so they may not have seen it.
I have spent this week being called a rapist, child molester, murderer, and many other things. I had a pharmacist I work with try and emasculate Bob because I have migraines. He called Bob a woman because of the migraines. I was brought to my knees from the pain and dizziness. So this healthcare "professional" decided that women are the weaker sex and that a man who has migraines is weak also.
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Try to focus on the friends who came to your defense.
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I have spent this week being called a rapist, child molester, murderer, and many other things. I had a pharmacist I work with try and emasculate Bob because I have migraines. He called Bob a woman because of the migraines. I was brought to my knees from the pain and dizziness. So this healthcare "professional" decided that women are the weaker sex and that a man who has migraines is weak also.
...seriously. Anyone who calls migraines a 'woman' thing or a 'weakness' needs to experience one, with all the triggers firing, and no relief from medication for say, twelve hours.
THEN they can make the decision to call it that. Until that point, they can *SHUT THE **** up*
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Until recently, I had never had to deal with migraines. I didn't understand what people went through. I didn't think that I needed to just to show support. I never questioned the level of pain they were in. I never tried to make them feel better or worse. I would simply turn the lights down and turn the music down. I would bring them what they asked for, if anything. It's never my place to tell someone that their pain isn't real.
I am so furious with the violations of trust this week. I was planning on taking this weekend off from gaming, just so I could do nothing. After today, I think I need to spend some time with LGBT friends just so I can feel like I'm part of a group of people who understand.
The thing that amazed me the most was how quickly my friends came to my defense. I asked two of them to say something because I wanted her to see that others understand how important it is for me. Then a bunch of my friends saw what was happening and they all politely asked her to edit the post. She dug her heels in. I don't know why.
I'm still getting messages from people saying that I should drop her. These are people who actually know her in person.
I was so frustrated with the wrong name that I didn't notice that she had also misgendered me until I had already blocked her.
So far, no one has said anything to Bob so it's possible that no one noticed. It happened during work hours so they may not have seen it.
I have spent this week being called a rapist, child molester, murderer, and many other things. I had a pharmacist I work with try and emasculate Bob because I have migraines. He called Bob a woman because of the migraines. I was brought to my knees from the pain and dizziness. So this healthcare "professional" decided that women are the weaker sex and that a man who has migraines is weak also.
What. The actual. F!%@?
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*hugs*
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Didn't realize I'd be lighting my torch and grabbing the pitchfork this early in the morning, but here we are...
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That's absolutely terrible and inhumanly cruel she would do that to you, Cindy. You deserve so much better, and I'm thankful so many of your friends stood up for you.
When I was still on Facebook regularly, I felt bad about unFriending and/or blocking people who would frequently make posts about how their views weren't being respected by others... the others being non-white folk, LGBTIQ+ folk, non-evangelical folk; the supposed "disrespect" being simply trying to live their lives openly, productively, and without shame. Another Paizonian eventually dropped them like a rotten potato, saying (paraphrased) "I'm not going to be that one token gay friend that they can use in the 'I have gay friends' sense to justify being allowed to keep saying these terrible things." When he dropped them, I dropped them too.
It's good and positive to want to be believe that with patience and kindness that people will come around to acceptance, or even just tolerance. But some people just won't be moved, no matter how hard you work. Don't beat yourself up over it or second-guess/gaslight yourself. They really aren't worth the effort. If you can be kind when you let them go, fine, but you don't even owe them that. Cut the hateful and harmful people out of your life, and if you can do it safely, let them know why.
This world has a desperate need for people like you, Cindy (and the others in this thread), and you need to do what is necessary for you to lead a life filled with as much fulfillment and happiness as possible. {hugs}
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After today, I think I need to spend some time with LGBT friends just so I can feel like I'm part of a group of people who understand.
**hugs** That sounds like a good plan.
And, while part of me wants to inquire about some of the horrible things that you mentioned in passing were said to you, I think it is best if I leave that alone and simply say that there are people here who care for you and understand, at least in part, what you are going through.
Also, both my wife and I get migraines, to one extent or another. You have my sympathies on that count as well.
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I am filing a complaint today with my manager about that pharmacist. It was completely unprofessional and sexist at the same time. It also could border on violating the ADA. Turns out that I'm not the only one who has had issues with him. I will probably be the only one who says something.
Zelgadas, a lot of the things that were said were politically based and are not permitted on the boards. Pretty much everything you could have heard about LGBT people and people who despise the military was said and probably a few new things since there were some crossover conversations.
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I have been angry about the situation all day today. For a while I thought that I was blowing things out of proportion and that I shouldn't be upset. I keep getting messages from people who aren't on Facebook often, but are seeing what happened. They are appalled. Maybe I'm not blowing it out of proportion. I don't know. I just know that I still feel like my trust was violated and that I made a huge error in judgment. I will probably not be expanding my circle any time soon.
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If it was an accident followed by apology, maybe you would be overreacting(and even then, just maybe). But this was deliberate and obtuse! We all need to be careful with who we invite into our circle, but do not let stupidity on the part of others turn you into a hermit. Still, that's just me....
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I find it hard to trust people with this part of my life. I have been told since I was a child that this is wrong and that people who are like this deserve what happens to them. I know that it's not true, but it was drilled in me for more than 25 years. It's really hard to break out of.
This isn't the first time that I was outed either. I once confided in someone and his wife. Long story short, he was stealing her pain meds while she was dying of cancer. She kicked him out. While she was visiting an oncologist in another state I was watching the kids. He called and threatened to kill everyone in the house because he thought I was sleeping with her. I had to call the police because I didn't want his kids to see their father either get an ass beating or for him to beat someone's ass. They didn't need to see that. He ended up calling back while the police were there and he threatened to kill me over the phone to the police. That's a felony in Washington so I had to go to court once they caught him. His defense attorney tried to use my clothing choices as a reason why this guy would be concerned for the safety of his children. His children had never seen me dressed up or had heard me discuss it. So there is a court record stating that I wear women's clothing. It was embarrassing to have it brought up in court and to try and use it to discredit me. He ended up serving 5 years.
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Hi Cindy
First you are completely right to be angry and even enraged. You of all people do not deserve any of this #profanity#
And anyone who ever told you otherwise was just trying to deflect blame
You are very far from overreacting in the slightest. Being who you are, I know that you will not hurt other people even when you are angry. Because you are a deeply loving and caring person. I was worried that you would turn this anger and maybe anguish against yourself but the tone of your posts allays my fears :-)
You do well to surround yourself with good and loving people
And getting rid of people who do not deserve you will open even more space for love and happiness in your life.
In all honesty, I feel you have grown by leaps and bounds since I first read your posts. You are far more centered and self-assured IMO
We love you and we know how lucky we are to have you around here
Thanks a lot
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* hugs to all that need some*
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Take a hug, leave a hug!
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Hi Cindy
First you are completely right to be angry and even enraged. You of all people do not deserve any of this #profanity#
And anyone who ever told you otherwise was just trying to deflect blame
You are very far from overreacting in the slightest. Being who you are, I know that you will not hurt other people even when you are angry. Because you are a deeply loving and caring person. I was worried that you would turn this anger and maybe anguish against yourself but the tone of your posts allays my fears :-)
You do well to surround yourself with good and loving people
And getting rid of people who do not deserve you will open even more space for love and happiness in your life.
In all honesty, I feel you have grown by leaps and bounds since I first read your posts. You are far more centered and self-assured IMO
We love you and we know how lucky we are to have you around here
Thanks a lot
You aren't the first person to tell me that I've grown. I don't see it the way that others do, but maybe I can't see forest through the trees.
I don't know if anyone here knows how important you all are to me. I have spent a lot of time feeling like I don't belong anywhere. When I come here I feel welcome and safe. It has helped me through some very difficult times. Even when I'm not posting or responding to the struggles of others (I do keep up on them), I still feel like I'm part of a group that wants me around. There have been a few times I came here to read people's posts instead of harming myself.
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Hi Cindy
First you are completely right to be angry and even enraged. You of all people do not deserve any of this #profanity#
And anyone who ever told you otherwise was just trying to deflect blame
You are very far from overreacting in the slightest. Being who you are, I know that you will not hurt other people even when you are angry. Because you are a deeply loving and caring person. I was worried that you would turn this anger and maybe anguish against yourself but the tone of your posts allays my fears :-)
You do well to surround yourself with good and loving people
And getting rid of people who do not deserve you will open even more space for love and happiness in your life.
In all honesty, I feel you have grown by leaps and bounds since I first read your posts. You are far more centered and self-assured IMO
We love you and we know how lucky we are to have you around here
Thanks a lot
You aren't the first person to tell me that I've grown. I don't see it the way that others do, but maybe I can't see forest through the trees.
I don't know if anyone here knows how important you all are to me. I have spent a lot of time feeling like I don't belong anywhere. When I come here I feel welcome and safe. It has helped me through some very difficult times. Even when I'm not posting or responding to the struggles of others (I do keep up on them), I still feel like I'm part of a group that wants me around. There have been a few times I came here to read people's posts instead of harming myself.
I enjoy having you around here and as far as I am able to tell from what you post and don't post, I think I would enjoy meeting you in person and there is always a virtual hug and a place on the fire should you need or want one.
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*Keeping an enjoyable, cozy, dry and bright place for hugs, smiles, talk, company, gaming and merryment*
*hurries*
*almost forgot to bring the beverages, hot and cold*
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You aren't the first person to tell me that I've grown. I don't see it the way that others do, but maybe I can't see forest through the trees.
I don't know if anyone here knows how important you all are to me. I have spent a lot of time feeling like I don't belong anywhere. When I come here I feel welcome and safe. It has helped me through some very difficult times. Even when I'm not posting or responding to the struggles of others (I do keep up on them), I still feel like I'm part of a group that wants me around. There have been a few times I came here to read people's posts instead of harming myself.
I have to agree this thread makes me feel like I belong and feels very safe here. And you are definitely one of the people who makes it so.
So
Happy
It's
Thursday!
Tell me about it.
For me, it's the 'Impending Vacation/Trip Dilation Effect'... or why I try not to make plans beyond 'going to a place x number of days on y dates'.
First noticed it about ten years ago, when I started talking about a trip with someone in *February* for a trip happening in *June* and then suddenly I woke up and I was *on* the trip and halfway through it.
And it was a jarring and disturbing experience, especially because I remember *living* through the time between, but it went so fast I had no time to enjoy it properly.
Good mornin'! Hope everything evens out soon, John.
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So my birthday is coming up and I am hoping that some friends are willing to join me for an excursion in public. I've asked for this for a couple of years and no one seems to want to go. That being said, I'm going to try again.
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Hope it all comes together and you excurt successfully!
** spoiler omitted **
I gotta wait 16 more days...good thing I'm patient.
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Happy Early Birthday Cindy!!!
*hugs*
I am saying this now in case I forget later...
I share a birthday with Lovecraft. I don't know what that says about me.
