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99. Dorfs suckiteth mightily.
.
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100. Bill Gates is a Dorf.
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101: Dwarves elected Obama...
102: They take our jaaabs!!!!
103: Dwarves are racist keeping down the poor orc, the goblin, and the kobold.
104: Dwarves are Conservatives
105: They fight with a tool...they don't even know how to create a real weapon.
106: Dwarves = Redneck....ever see the movie Deliverance?
107: The Dwarvern race are destroying the enviroment with their strip mining.
108: Gully Dwarves...Nuff said.
109: Dorfs ruined The Hobbit movie, and the LoR movies, by merely existing.
*opens the gate to the Hidden Fun Stuff*
I have replaced all the Orcs and Kobolds and Trolls with Dwarves, in my
adventures.
Now, the PCs kill Dwarfs every game-session. Yes !!!
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Weel, we dinnae lik' ye either, laddie.
The adventure originally was written with Orcs, and in the cave were the
Orc females and baby Orcs.
I replaced them with Dwarfs. The party killed them all including the
Dwarf children. Some of the hits to the female Dwarfs running for their
lives where critical hits.
.
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110. What is the best way to toss a Dorf?
.
Such a happy and well-rounded thread.
111. (not sure why it took this long, but still) dwarves are short.
112. Seeing as 111. is a terrible terrible crime, dwarves are thus on par with other tacitly ridiculous and useless races such as gnomes and halflings.*
113. dwarves are dwarves. They shall never have their name be capitalized, for they are dwarves.
114. dwarves are NOT a race, they are ammunition. Catapults were invented to propel dwarves, halflings and gnomes into next week, where we hope they never land, and thus we might be free of their useless, evil, ridiculous taint. FOREVAR.
*Vegepygmies, though also short, are immune to "sucking mightily" and are obviously waycool, especially Advanced Vegepygmies who may attain human size.
115. Dwarves are trying to steal the living space of honest, hard-working folks like kobolds and duergar!
Nailed it, especially Dwarves.
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We played DnD this weekend, and the party slaughtered 114 Dwarf woman and children. It was beautiful.
die Dorf, die!!
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NSFW language. But that sums it up IMO.
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I've written a computer simulation of a battle between Humans and Dwarves.
The Humans are killing 1,000,000 Dwarves per second. It's beautiful man.
Maybe we can exterminate all dorfs.
.
115: Dwarves make the worst town in Heroes of Might and Magic series, I HATE it that they have so few cool monsters but mostly are just dwarves with different weapons and dwarves who ride different real-world animals.
116: They are overused.
The positive thing about dwarves is that there are Duergar's which I really adore.
117: They can't play poker.
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Bah!
Kill the men! Kill the elves!
Save the gold for ourselves!
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I like Dwarves
They aren't big time Mary Sues and Gary Stus like aasimars and tieflings.
They aren't overwhelmingly the product of rape like half-orcs.
They aren't anthropomorphized animal people.
They aren't insane like gnomes.
They aren't child sized and larcenous like halflings.
They are more family orientated and loyal than your average human.
Sure they are kind of jerks, but Elves are even bigger more patronizing jerks.
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The great thing about dwarves is that they can take this abuse and shrug it off. Elves would be crying in their wine cups by now.
Dwarves are the mountains that take forever to grind down. Elves are dandy clouds and a light wind will blow them away.
Why do you think elves are always trying to leave to their secluded eleven hide-a-ways? Because their feelings are so easily hurt that they feel the need to sulk without all the tougher races watching them.
I've written a computer simulation of a battle between Humans and Dwarves.
The Humans are killing 1,000,000 Dwarves per second. It's beautiful man.
Maybe we can exterminate all dorfs.
.
I've added in Carp attacks. The dwarf slaughter (including babies) has increased by orders of magnitude.
I deserve a Mt. Dew.
.
123. Dorfs cause poverty in human populations.
124. Dorfs ruined The Hobbit movie, and the LoR movies, by merely existing.
I've written a computer simulation of a battle between Humans and Dwarves.
The Humans are killing 1,000,000 Dwarves per second. It's beautiful man.
Maybe we can exterminate all dorfs..
I've added in Carp attacks. The dwarf slaughter (including babies) has increased by orders of magnitude.
I deserve a Mt. Dew.
.
.
Dispel Evil (instantaneous, range: 30ft) Immediately dismisses
conjured creatures of a malign sort back to their place of origin!
Cast this on Dwarfs!! Die dorf, die!!
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Dwarves? You mean those pathetic alcoholic lumps of badly overused tropes which were boring already when Tolkien first put them together?
Yes.
Listen if you are making a new RPG (e.g. Cryptomancer) do not put Dorfs in it!
Now I can't buy your game. Way to market your product like a champion. (hey, do you swim in the olympics?)
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(hey, do you swim in the olympics?)
No. But if it helps, I can vandalize and lie like an Olympic swimmer.
125: Dwarves want nothing more that to hack n' slash through everything...or boring.
126. No matter what I try, as a GM I never ever remember to roll for stonecunning.
125: Dwarves want nothing more that to hack n' slash through everything...or boring.
125b: Except hack n' slashing through their beards. Or other hair. You can tell how old a dwarf is* by carbon-dating the beer dribblings in his/her beard. Or by having an archaeologist painstakingly peel away** the layers of ancient sediment on their skin.
* It's nowhere near as much fun as telling how old a dwarf is by cutting them in half and counting the rings.
** It's nowhere near as much fun as sandblasting the layers off with magic.
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127. They are neither Gnolls nor Pugwampi.
128. They taste bad, even as BBQ.
Four out of three Dwarves have problems with math.
130. I got my head stuck in a VCR once with a tape of Dworf On Golf on continuous play, trapped that way for 31 hours straight. Years later, it still wakes me up sometimes. I wake up in the dark and hear the screaming of the Dworfs.
Chop-ity Chop, Chop. Broadswords and Axes work well on Dorfs.
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132. No one may expect the Dwarven Inquisition, but everyone knows when it approaches, what with the ponderously slow footie steps, and the armor clanking, {begins slips into Frink-ian speech} and the aura of haggis (Ex), and cabbage-fueled flatulence, and the glayven and the bhay-gn-flay-vn oh nice laaaaady!
I've written a computer simulation of a battle between Humans and Dwarves.
The Humans are killing 1,000,000 Dwarves per second. It's beautiful man.
Maybe we can exterminate all dorfs..
I've added in Carp attacks. The dwarf slaughter (including babies) has increased by orders of magnitude.
I deserve a Mt. Dew.
133. The simulation has been running for years and years. Over 100 trillion dorfs dead.
Keep it moving! Kill the dorfs! Kill all of 'em!
::snickity snackity
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I've been pretty down on fantasy dwarves for ages now (the way RA Salvatore names them doesn't help; Pickle Bouldershoulder, Cordio Muffinhead, Thibbledorf Pwent), but I was really sold on the two dwarven cultures in the Mwangi Expanse, and have come to like pretty much everything I've seen out of dwarves across Garund. Turns out the secret to making them interesting was always "do something other than vaguely-Scottish miners in the mountains of Fantasy Europe."
134. Dwarf folk are only ~10 rogans tall. Nobody will miss them.