You're attracted to another player in your group


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I met my wife through RPG gaming. She has since moved on from the hobby, but that's okay. She can relate to it and understand it.. and we can talk about it.

I say go for it.

Shadow Lodge

joela wrote:
Ever been a player or GM (or both) and you find yourself attracted to another player? Or fellow GM? How'd you react?

Since the first time I gamed with my wife ;)

Sovereign Court

Okugi wrote:


All the female gamers you know are college co-eds... I fail to see the downside to this.

Seriously...HELL YES!?


Okugi wrote:
All the female gamers you know are college co-eds... I fail to see the downside to this.
Hama wrote:
Seriously...HELL YES!?

I'm sure it sounds ideal from the outside looking in, but in my experience, when there's that big of an age gap, you're just at vastly different stages in life. Me? I'm looking for a wife. They? They're still trying to figure out what comes next after finally hitting their 21st birthday.

Sure it's fun to game together. Sure some of them are very good-looking, but that doesn't necessarily equate into anything more than a generation-spanning friendship.

Anyway...

Exactly how/where did the folks in here meet their gamer spouses and how old were you at the time? Was it at Gen-Con, in college? I know some of you mentioned you turned your spouses on to gaming which also seems encouraging.


Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path Subscriber
Laithoron wrote:
Exactly how/where did the folks in here meet their gamer spouses and how old were you at the time? Was it at Gen-Con, in college? I know some of you mentioned you turned your spouses on to gaming which also seems encouraging.

My wife and I met while in our mid-to-late twenties. We met through work. She didn't game at the time, but her sister did, so she knew about gaming and was interested to learn more. We started gaming together after we married. She is now taking on her first DM's duties, starting a new campaign as of this past weekend. :D <-- proud gamer hubby

Sczarni RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2015 Top 32

Laithoron wrote:

Exactly how/where did the folks in here meet their gamer spouses and how old were you at the time? Was it at Gen-Con, in college? I know some of you mentioned you turned your spouses on to gaming which also seems encouraging.

My wife and I met when we were about a year old. She moved away and we didn't see each other until we were 11. We hung out with the same people and went to the same activities, but she thought I was a jerk. One night while were in a car with a couple others I just started GMing without any rules. The game lasted an hour, had three players, and was pretty crappy. She played a Xena like character. That was the first time I played and ran fantasy RPG of any kind.

We didn't start dating until we were 18. I had been running games for 6 years at that time but only that first one had her as a player. She didn't start being seriously involved in a game until we were married for a couple years, but she liked the passion I had for the game. In fact, I once told her I needed to stop playing for a while so I could focus on working more and she firmly told me that I needed to game. Her first real game was a Kingmaker game. She is playing a witch, and there are two other female players in the group. For Christmas I bought her a set of unique dice and for Valentines I paid someone to paint her miniature. Those have been her favorite gifts by far.

My wife has always been into fantasy and love games of all kinds. She grew up in a family that played more board games then video games, and she had a passion for Ren Faires before we started dating. Our wedding was Ren faire themed, in fact. She was into the idea of gaming, but she has had some serious health issues that prevented her from regular gaming, and we wanted to be sure we had a group she would be comfortable with.

So far, she is just as passionate as I am about gaming, but she is more into role playing and not so much into rules. She also loves creating characters through backstory instead of through build concepts. I'm the opposite, so we compliment each other nicely.

Sovereign Court

Laithoron wrote:
Okugi wrote:
All the female gamers you know are college co-eds... I fail to see the downside to this.
Hama wrote:
Seriously...HELL YES!?

I'm sure it sounds ideal from the outside looking in, but in my experience, when there's that big of an age gap, you're just at vastly different stages in life. Me? I'm looking for a wife. They? They're still trying to figure out what comes next after finally hitting their 21st birthday.

Sure it's fun to game together. Sure some of them are very good-looking, but that doesn't necessarily equate into anything more than a generation-spanning friendship.

Anyway...

Exactly how/where did the folks in here meet their gamer spouses and how old were you at the time? Was it at Gen-Con, in college? I know some of you mentioned you turned your spouses on to gaming which also seems encouraging.

Well, maybe some of them secretly like you...i know, the age gap, but fun is fun...

I met my wife at a costume party. We started talking, and te rest is history. She gamed once with me, alone because she hates the posibility of looking stupid in front of other people very very much...


Err... well that wasn't supposed to go in this thread...

*shakes fist at the old cross-posting bug rearing its head again


Hama wrote:
Well, maybe some of them secretly like you...i know, the age gap, but fun is fun...

Oh we flirt and joke, but there's nothing there chemistry wise. Trust me, figured that out years ago.

As far as fun-is-fun... If I was the sort to be OK with no-strings-attached flings, then yeah, I suppose I'd clean-up between DragonCon and the various ren faires I attend. However, that's just not my style.

Hama wrote:
I met my wife at a costume party. We started talking, and te rest is history.

Well that's pretty cool. Damn near every woman I've dated I've met as a result of costuming/cosplay, etc. The problem I've had is that when you meet at a venue like a Con or faire, they are interested in just the fantasy of whatever the costume is, nothing lasting. It's encouraging that it's worked out for some people at least. :)

Scarab Sages

I've always been in games where we had at least one or two females. In high school, we had two females in our group. Though they were in and out due to boyfriend issues. Their boyfriends didn't want them to game with us because they got jealous of us.

Mmy wife and I met while in the navy. At first, she made fun of me for being a geek/gamer, but after awhile she came around. We did have a situation with a DM while I was on shore duty because he would hit on her, in front of me, and then get mad when I spoke up. It got to the point he and I nearly got into a fight. My wife didn't tell me the whole story until a few weeks ago. Had I known then what I know now...
The guy drove her out of gaming for awhile.

With the new group I'm with, my wife has joined in and is having fun. She plays PFS on Wednesdays and is in my Carrion Crown game on Saturdays. She's even been toying with the idea of running a game.

Where we're at now, there are 5 or 6 couples that game.

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2013

My experience with this awkward sort of dilemma was actually handled pretty easily. My wife was in the group. I'm attracted tohet. So I killed her. Character.

No problem!


Man, I wish I had the luck some of you have expressed. The ladies in my game group are either married, gay, or so completely uninterested in me as to use the term "like a brother" (this last one made even harder by the fact that I think the sun rises and sets with her).

I did have a long-term relationship (ended badly, she was obscenely abusive toward me) that started as a chance meeting at a convention, ended up with her gaming with me and my friends for a few weeks, and resulted in a long-term "when you're good enough for me" engagement that in hindsight I should have seen as a problem (see previous commentary about abuse).

That said, I have seen a lot of people fall for one another during games, and I'm glad to say that two of those couples are now happily married and show no signs of stopping. Extra credit to me, I introduced them all and was best man at both weddings.

Now if only that old myth about catching the garter would come true...

RPG Superstar 2011 Top 16

To make broad generalizations, I've found females tend to preper either rules-light games, or games that don't have much of an emphasis on combat.

If I run WoD, Artesia, or the promise of a RP-focused game? I see lots of ladies at the table. When I run Pathfinder, or a dungeon crawl in any game system? Sausage-fest.

How much table-time do you spend on RP vs rolling dice? If it's not at least 2:1, then that's why there's no girls...

I'm currently running Kingmaker for a majority female group, and it plays out wildly differently from my all-male Runelords group.

Now, in theory, crunch-centric girls exist, but I haven't met them personally.


Erik Freund wrote:

To make broad generalizations, I've found females tend to preper either rules-light games, or games that don't have much of an emphasis on combat.

If I run WoD, Artesia, or the promise of a RP-focused game? I see lots of ladies at the table. When I run Pathfinder, or a dungeon crawl in any game system? Sausage-fest.

How much table-time do you spend on RP vs rolling dice? If it's not at least 2:1, then that's why there's no girls...

I'm currently running Kingmaker for a majority female group, and it plays out wildly differently from my all-male Runelords group.

Now, in theory, crunch-centric girls exist, but I haven't met them personally.

See, I've found the complete opposite. The handful of girls I play with love combat and can barely be bothered to participate in anything else; they just sit there and fiddle with their phones while other players roleplay through non-combat situations. They are pretty vocal about prefering combat and wanting others to handle the social and skill stuff.

Scarab Sages

I've found it an even split. My wife's favorite class right now is alchemist. You sit her down at a table and there is a gnome in the party--bring your hotdogs and marshmallows 'cause somethin' gettin' burnt down. Before that, she played fighters. Her back up character in PFS is a sorceress. And her character in the Carrion Crown campaign is a cleric. So she's starting to branch out. And she doesn't get as bored with the actual roleplaying as she used to.

My friend from high school LOVES the roleplaying aspect more so than the combat, but she could hang as well. She didn't like it, but she understood it was part of the game.

But overall, from my experience, it really is an even split.


Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path Subscriber

My wife leans a little bit more toward the roleplaying aspect of gaming than the combat, but she also really enjoyed putting the smackdown on opponents with her fire monk (a monk/paladin with a homebrew legacy item that added fire to her fists among other things).

I've gamed with several women over the years and most of them tended to lean slightly more toward the roleplaying aspect as well, but that may also have been a part of the groups I've been a part of since they were all often roleplaying heavy (though with plenty of combat thrown in).


Most of the women I've gamed with have been pretty even on combat/ roleplay. They like both sides pretty equally and they bring a lot to the roleplay. Men, on the other hand, have generally been more interested in combat than roleplay though those I play with the most like each in equal measure.

I definitely prefer to have a mix of the sexes at the table, though it's frequently hard to find women gamers.

Sovereign Court

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I don't know what you're all talking about. I've yet to be in a D&D 3.5 or Pathfinder game without a female gamer or DM at the table.

:)

I love the rules and math involved in playing. I love tweaking characters and getting the most out of a specific combination of feats, traits, skills, class abilities and rules. But I can fiddle with that stuff alone in my living room. The game's only really fun when you're playing it with others, and there's an awesome story unfolding before your eyes.

So while I lean toward the mechanical side of things, it's nearly pointless without the roleplaying. And hanging out with friends while drinking too much soda and/or alcohol and eating too much snack food. That's crucial too.


My experience has been rather atypical in that in nearly thirty years of gaming, it's been extremely rare that there hasn't been at least one woman in any group I've been part of. Most have been at least 50% women. I've DMed for a few groups of just women. There were a couple of all-male groups in university, and some one-on-one games with a good (male) friend of mine, but those are about the only times there haven't been any females in the group.

My wife and I met at a meeting of the Toronto Role Players Association. I was 30; she was 19. Yes, I've been accused of being a cradle robber more than a few times. :) I should point out though, that we didn't become romantically involved until five years after that. In the meantime, we just became very close friends.

Liberty's Edge

My wife and I also met through roleplaying. Old yahoo rp chat rooms. Ah the good times ...

The both of us vastly prefer roleplay over combat. We've spent the last 9 years roleplaying more in e-mails and boards than tabletop since we can really get into our characters.

I've known quite a few gamer/dorky girls so I've never really understood this rare thing that they're supposed to be. I've met plenty of guys complain about not being able to get a gamer girl interested in them but I can usually understand why most girls, gamer or not, would try. If I have to light a candle to sit with you at our gaming table, then not only are you not likely to get a girl, but you're also not sticking around in our group.


My boyfriend and I became friends through roleplaying. Our gaming group at the time was just under 10 people, so during game we tended to split into logical groups--all the characters from a particular church sat together, all the characters infiltrating the castle this session sat together, etc. BF and I tended to have a similar approach to problems so we'd often be grouped together. We would sit there, listening to whatever one of the other groups was doing, and then get to chit-chatting. Over time it became clear that not only did we have a lot in common gaming-wise, but that we loved a lot of the same shows and video games. Of course, then we started hanging out outside of game, and eventually going out.

To be honest, our relationship did cause a rift in that group. One of my ex-boyfriends was part of that group, and though he had dumped me over half a year ago and had a girlfriend, my new relationship made him insanely jealous. He constantly accused my boyfriend of talking about him behind his back (which we didn't do, because we were much too busy talking about Battlestar Galactica), and demanded that we sit apart during game so as not to force our relationship down everyone's throat.

His behavior escalated into spying on me and breaking into my room, so yeah, I left that gaming group.

But, I'm still going out with that boyfriend! We even run each other game. It's pretty great. :)

The Exchange

shyDM wrote:

To be honest, our relationship did cause a rift in that group. One of my ex-boyfriends was part of that group, and though he had dumped me over half a year ago and had a girlfriend, my new relationship made him insanely jealous. He constantly accused my boyfriend of talking about him behind his back (which we didn't do, because we were much too busy talking about Battlestar Galactica), and demanded that we sit apart during game so as not to force our relationship down everyone's throat.

His behavior escalated into spying on me and breaking into my room, so yeah, I left that gaming group.

The insanely jealous part I can understand. The breaking and entering part? Ridiculous! I would demand that the current bf take care of the ex mortal combat style.


joela wrote:
Ever been a player or GM (or both) and you find yourself attracted to another player? Or fellow GM? How'd you react?

I just ignored it, I was dating someone at the time.

I got one of my g/fs into gaming and killed her character (by mistake). And... that was a huge mistake, lol.

In 3/3 games I've seen DMs make their significant other ultrapowerful, to a sickening level. For example, even if everyone's the same level, he gives her a Holy Avenger +5 longsword. Or cheats in their favor in very noticable way. Kind of ruins the game.

Then again I sometimes play with a gamer couple, and they're fine at my table, but they're 35+ years old.

So a real mix.

The Exchange

shyDM wrote:
One of my ex-boyfriends was part of that group...

And you remain good friends to this day?


I was very attracted to a woman in my group, but she very clearly wasn't interested. You learn to accept that and move on. Nothing worse than trying to force the issue.


joela wrote:
Ever been a player or GM (or both) and you find yourself attracted to another player? Or fellow GM? How'd you react?

Ungreased, hammertime lovemaking session.

Dark Archive

nathan blackmer wrote:
joela wrote:
Ever been a player or GM (or both) and you find yourself attracted to another player? Or fellow GM? How'd you react?
Ungreased, hammertime lovemaking session.

TMI!

Liberty's Edge

joela wrote:
nathan blackmer wrote:
joela wrote:
Ever been a player or GM (or both) and you find yourself attracted to another player? Or fellow GM? How'd you react?
Ungreased, hammertime lovemaking session.
TMI!

What, you've never been in that position? Being naughty at or near the table is funny as shit!


Jess Door wrote:

I don't know what you're all talking about. I've yet to be in a D&D 3.5 or Pathfinder game without a female gamer or DM at the table.

:)

I love the rules and math involved in playing. I love tweaking characters and getting the most out of a specific combination of feats, traits, skills, class abilities and rules. But I can fiddle with that stuff alone in my living room. The game's only really fun when you're playing it with others, and there's an awesome story unfolding before your eyes.

So while I lean toward the mechanical side of things, it's nearly pointless without the roleplaying. And hanging out with friends while drinking too much soda and/or alcohol and eating too much snack food. That's crucial too.

Yeah, I've just about always had a 50/50 mix of men and women in my games.

As a bonus, my paizoboard crush on Jessdoor just went up a level.

Grand Lodge

Im the Gm for our group right now and my wife is one of the players. I dont show her favoritism, though she hasnt died yet, its not from lack of trying, lol.

Rise of the Runelords spoiler:
She is playing an attractive female human bard. Obvious choice for the object of Aldern Foxglove's obsession, after she saved his life at the beginning of the game, lol. Holding in a good laugh at that situation for four months was pretty darn hard, but definitely worth it when I got to explain the whole thing.

Scarab Sages

We're trying to come up for a theme song for my wife. Her characters are usually always the first ones to cut and run. PFS, home game; it don't matter.

Sovereign Court

1 person marked this as a favorite.
godsDMit wrote:

Im the Gm for our group right now and my wife is one of the players. I dont show her favoritism, though she hasnt died yet, its not from lack of trying, lol.

** rise of the runelords spoiler **

Another Rise of the Runelords spoiler:

I had a new player in my RotRL game. After I explained the basics and asked what kind of character she wanted to play, she decided "a paladin with enormous boobs!" Oookay, no problem. She was also sought after by aldern...and she got to smash him to bits too. she enjoyed the whole thing very much!

Liberty's Edge

Jess Door wrote:
godsDMit wrote:

Im the Gm for our group right now and my wife is one of the players. I dont show her favoritism, though she hasnt died yet, its not from lack of trying, lol.

** rise of the runelords spoiler **

** spoiler omitted **

Seriously?! :P


I picked up a guy at a club. We dated for a bit when he let slip that he gamed. He got me an invite to his group. While the romance faded (we're still very good friends), our gaming group is still going strong.


Ringtail wrote:
See, I've found the complete opposite. The handful of girls I play with love combat and can barely be bothered to participate in anything else

Several years ago I ran across an all girl D&D 2e group. They were the most blood-thirsty, cutthroat players I'd ever seen. If an encounter could provide even the tiniest amount of XP, they were gonna kill it. And kill it hard.


I met my husband through a free form PbP on another forum quite a while ago. I came in late to it, and made a completely social character in a war games campaign who could kick ass but preferred to let her broken man servant do the dirty work. His established character was a sigarette smoking explosives expert my character actually didn't have the pleasure of meeting. When the main contributors effectively walked away from it, I ran with creating an entire city full of really bad guys, and improving on another players sketches for the sub and final bosses, and basically wrote my character in as an NPC to be saved for the sympathy and compassion vote of the crew to be brought aboard.

We were talking on instant messenger for a few months before he decided to fly himself from Norway to California to meet me. He stayed for 10 days that first visit, and ran a 3.5 game for me and my friends. It was the first time I'd ever played a ranger, and I took his advice and made her from a certain faction, not realizing at the time that I was supposed to be the plot mover.

We were married about 20 months later, after I'd made several trips to Norway to stay with him, didn't move in together proper until after I graduated from university and moved to Norway with him, we thought, to stay. First AP he ran with me in it was Kingmaker... with our horrible wargaming group, except for the dude playing the fighter almost none are interested in the story.

When interest in Kingmaker waned, he started a solo social/political campaign for me that is still running... gosh, more than six months later. He is absolutely ruthless. I find combat as fun as watching paint dry, and he runs my poor bard through the gamut with political and social puzzles, and some character building exercises.

I used to be a terrible role player, now I find that I am almost completely immersed in my characters when I am playing them. I know pathfinder rules pretty well now, and can but most often don't make really effective characters. I am trying to get back to that place where I was full world creative to get the juevos to try my hand at GMing, but as of yet don't.


With the spouse and I, that usually leads to mena-...

Wait, I can't say that here.

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