I've never had the opportunity, but I can't imagine it would be any different than finding out you are attracted to a fellow student, co-worker or soldier.
Same things apply...relationship is nice, but if it goes sour, do you ruin things in your previous platonic environment? Do other people feel you are giving 'special treatment'? Does your partner get upset if you don't provide special treatment?
Personally, I hate dating from work. It just adds a new level of pressure to the relationship that kills it for me. As a DM, I would also have zero tolerance for a couple disrupting the game with anything extraneous. That goes from couple arguments carrying over into the game session to one party protesting the treatment of their partner's character by the DM.
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I dated several ladies with which i played at the same time...i never favored them in the game...it irked one so much that she dumped me...others were more understanding and less irrational.
If a woman/man can't understand that you are supposed to be impartial and just and expects to be treated specially because she shares your intimate moments, then one should talk to her. It is not fair of her to expect special treatment.
My advice? Go for it. Romance is always worth it IMO.
In a game I was part of for 12 years, the wife of one of the GMs and I admitted to an attraction to each other (I was also married). Knowing we couldn't act on it, our characters "fell in love" and we sort of carried on our little secret via roleplaying.
I know. Weird/Geeky
Yes, but I was only 12...but then all the players where about that age...
A really odd game it was too, sort of a cross between dungeons and dragons (which it ostensibly was) and an excuse to talk about sex. Or I guess more accurately it was that Dungeons and Dragons was being used as a smoke screen so that we could talk about sex without having to be totally embarrassed and tongue tied.
Good times...I learned years later that we had been totally busted by one of the girls mothers (we played in her basement) but the mother, after spending some hours secretly listening to us, decided that the whole thing was basically harmless.
Roll with it. Everybody I've ever had a relationship with has been met through gaming. :P
I've had this happen to me. The DM of a promising group I found about six months ago fell absolutely in love with me (no idea why). I had no interest in him. About three months afterwards (and some ridiculous drama), I had to inform him I wasn't interested. He ended up threatening me with violence.
Roll with it. Everybody I've ever had a relationship with has been met through gaming. :P
I also met my current girlfriend through gaming.
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The first female player I gamed with ended up becoming my wife. Granted, we were 12 and we didn't start dating until 6 years later.
Attraction to someone is natural. It is the choice to act upon that attraction that really maters.
If I found myself attracted to a fellow player, I would go home and give my wife an opportunity to remind me why I love her and only her. There are a million reasons after all, and she keeps adding to them.
My Girlfriend Plays In My Group And Dies Just As Often As The Other Players. Keep The Romance Out Of The Game, It's The Easiest Way.
I didn't meet my wife through gaming, but we started gaming together soon after we were married. She's now DMing a brand new game (started yesterday) :D
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I introduced my wife (then girlfriend) to gaming because she was jealous of/annoyed with the amount of time I was spending with others. If anything I tend to pick on her characters slightly, because I know she'll laugh it off (kill her favorite NPC on the other hand and she gets ticked quick).
We have different gaming styles (I'm more into the roleplay and paying attention, she's more relaxed and combat focused), which is reflected in our character types (casters/skill monkeys for me, warriors for her).
We try hard to keep couple fights out of the game, but its kind of hard sometimes.
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I've gotten my girlfriend into PFS. She doesn't mind that there's no special treatment when I GM and overall we have a great time. Probably easier with society play since (though I don't see any sign of this) if things sour we're not awkwardly at the same table.
Though I also play with two couples in my LoF game, one of whom is married.
Relationships work fine at the table, so long as you recognize that it need not (and often should not) extend into gameplay. That way if things go awkward it doesn't impact the whole group.
Did you LARP it?In a game I was part of for 12 years, the wife of one of the GMs and I admitted to an attraction to each other (I was also married). Knowing we couldn't act on it, our characters "fell in love" and we sort of carried on our little secret via roleplaying.
Not exactly. The closest we got to live action was when our characters married and we got to kiss each other in front of the entire gaming bunch.
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Nice. It would have been sweet if the GM had an NPC at the wedding that unsuccessfully tried to woo her. Then after you kissed her, you could have pointed to him and said "In your face!" Then you could have added "In HER face" and gone in for a second kiss. I'm assuming your wife wasn't in the group, which is too bad. I'm wondering if you told her about the kiss afterwards.
I was going to say "never", but I remember GMing a one-shot game of Toon in high school with a cute girl who was part of my circle of friends. I was pretty hopeless in high school, though. :-)
Nice. It would have been sweet if the GM had an NPC at the wedding that unsuccessfully tried to woo her. Then after you kissed her, you could have pointed to him and said "In your face!" Then you could have added "In HER face" and gone in for a second kiss. I'm assuming your wife wasn't in the group, which is too bad. I'm wondering if you told her about the kiss afterwards.
She didn't play in that campaign (it was a DC Heroes game and she wasn't really into it) but she was at the "wedding" because we (the gaming group) made a whole day of it, with a barbecue as a faux reception. She was ok with everything, just thinking we were roleplaying lol
I'm jealous. I'm sure roleplaying the honeymoon crossed your minds too. It's not cheating, it's character development.
LOL...I wonder how many hero points we'd have been awarded for that
My fiancée and I met in college through a DnD game. Since then she's played in every game I've run, unfortunately she has a terrible tendency to wind up in the negatives or dead. I even had a player the session I dropped her 1 hit point from death twice claim I was playing favorites because their cleric PC kept popping heals to keep her barely alive. Still wasn't really sure how that works...
WOW so with all these wives/girlfriends etc. I suppose the old stero type of this being a guys only club is totally squashed.
My DM had this thing for me and I was the ONLY one at the table that didn't notice it. Were still buddies and even roommates and he doesn't let me get away with ANYTHING thats unreasonable.
Notice I did say unreasonable, Useing the sheild spell to make bracers of armor rather than mage armor thus changeing the bonus from an armor bonus to a sheild bonus works but is hardley game breaking.
My current girlfriend died 5 times in the last campaign we played in.
Her cohort died twice...
She's the first person to drop into negatives in our Carrion Crown game.
Maybe I'm doing this wrong.
Two married pairs I know met on our sessions. In one case it was girl that after special session on gaming convention started to come to our city from another town half the country away (quite close according to American standards - 200 or 300 km, maybe less) to participate in our Fading Suns campaign and later fell for another player, also taking part in campaign.
I have been attracted to some players on my sessions but I don't think that influenced my GMing (but its hard to judge oneself in such matter).
Our D&D GM sometimes quarells with his girlfriend on sessions, mostly over her (occassionaly lacking) grasp of D&D mechanics but otherwise she is treated the same as the rest of the party.
My current girlfriend died 5 times in the last campaign we played in.
It could have been worse -- it could have been her character that died 5 times!
I've been attracted to another player in a group before but I'd never have acted on it. I don't believe in pissing in the pool I'm playing in.
I've seen two groups fall to pieces when members within it acted on their attraction. One of those happened in the exact situation that DungeonmasterCal describes and in that one, a marriage ended as well.
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Let's see, I'm married to a gamer (for two weeks now but it still counts :)) I was at a friend's Deathwatch game last night with his wife. My wife was at another game on Monday which had another married couple in it and I introduced one of my best friends to RPG's and she's now engaged to another gamer.
So yeah it happens a lot.
Alright so where in the world are you guys finding all of these romantically-inclined lady gamers? All the female gamers I know are still college-aged which really doesn't do me a lot of good (35 here). Did I simply miss the boat or something? I'd just about kill to have a GF/wife who enjoyed Pathfinder. :-\
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I've been attracted to another player in a group before but I'd never have acted on it. I don't believe in pissing in the pool I'm playing in.Although those who do act on it don't necessarily have to be into golden baths.
Well, I've seen romances destroy groups, too, and if one has only witnessed groups and friendships tear apart as a result of romances, one might easily and reasonably conclude that romance kills gaming groups and that romancing a fellow party member will end badly.
That's not what I believe, and if all parties go about it responsibly, then there's a net gain. Irresponsibly, and there's a net loss. But then again, that's true with just about any endeavor. Respect and responsibility FTW.
Well it's pretty obvious that some good relationships have come out of attractions in groups. I just haven't actually seen any of those with my own eyes.
I have seen happily married couples playing together in groups but in every one of those situations they'd already been married and had common interests away from the table as well.
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I ended up dating a girl in my gaming group for two years, though amusingly before we started dating our characters were exactly the opposite. My char was a total ladies man with her character being the only girl he treated plutonically(he declared her his squire and tried to break her of this 'magic' habit).
However, when we did split it did end up being a bit disruptive. Her and I tried to continue gaming as friends for a while, but that clearly wasn't going to work so she finally dropped out since I was DMing at the time and she didn't want to kill things for everyone else.
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WOW so with all these wives/girlfriends etc. I suppose the old stero type of this being a guys only club is totally squashed.
Is it? I mean, this is a thread specifically devoted to the topic, so of course most/all of the posts are going to involve gamer girls in some way. Meanwhile, for each person with such a story in this thread, there are how many members not posting here, who may or may not have such stories? Not to mention that each story is a single anecdote from among (typically) years and years of gaming experience. No, it's still a very male-dominated demographic, I imagine.
And as such, it seems likely that any time a girl does play, any or all of the men at the table could find her attractive to varying degrees. I mean, we are talking about a gamer girl here. ;)
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No, it's still a very male-dominated demographic, I imagine.
And as such, it seems likely that any time a girl does play, any or all of the men at the table could find her attractive to varying degrees. I mean, we are talking about a gamer girl here. ;)
I'm trying to think about it, and I believe that over my 25-year time of play, I can count on one hand the number of women in tabletop campaigns I've played with. The number shoots up when you include LARPs and one-shots at game conventions, but otherwise, yeah, it's really small.
My steady girlfriends have all been fantasy lovers, and my wife was introduced to the fantasy genre through me and grabs as much of it as she can, but none of them have been gamers. It's almost crazy, my wife adores the game books, loves the pictures throughout, loves the smell of the paper... but remains utterly uninterested in the game herself.
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I'm trying to think about it, and I believe that over my 25-year time of play, I can count on one hand the number of women in tabletop campaigns I've played with. The number shoots up when you include LARPs and one-shots at game conventions, but otherwise, yeah, it's really small.
I've had quite a different experience. Been gaming a bit over 15 years now and while there certainly have been more guys to girls, my groups have changed a lot(and I've moved a lot) but they normally have been between 4-6 players and pretty much always had at least one girl in them, normally 2. I was in a WoD group where the men were the minority, and while you ruled them out my(relatively limited) experience with LARPs have always had that be the case too.
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My steady girlfriends have all been fantasy lovers, and my wife was introduced to the fantasy genre through me and grabs as much of it as she can, but none of them have been gamers. It's almost crazy, my wife adores the game books, loves the pictures throughout, loves the smell of the paper... but remains utterly uninterested in the game herself.
Heh, my wife likes to read fantasy (and look at pictures) as well, but can hardly stand the actual gaming - including my other hobby, Magic: the Gathering. She finds roleplaying too slow/boring (I think the numbers and rules don't translate well into an action sequence in her mind).
