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Yep, guilty. The fact that Scint and I are sharing a residence - even if we are on completely different floors and nowhere near one another's personal quarters, AND that we're both asexual - without being married is a massive stick in my parents' craw. To the point they're basically saying "you have a while to get your stuff in order and get married, or we're cutting all contact with you for sinful living".In the states I personally blame those far too young marriages on the dang puritan approach to sex. teen body overloading with hormones, schools teach abstinence only. So you can either disappoint your religious figure and family or get married to the first person you find that says yes. It's not always how that works but it happens too often.Yeah. GothBard and I started dating when I was 20, but there was no pressure so we didn't get married until I was close to 27. There are a LOT of places in the U.S. where you couldn't date for 7 years without BOTH families getting pretty ornery about it.
...have...have they met either of you?
Yep, guilty. The fact that Scint and I are sharing a residence - even if we are on completely different floors and nowhere near one another's personal quarters, AND that we're both asexual - without being married is a massive stick in my parents' craw. To the point they're basically saying "you have a while to get your stuff in order and get married, or we're cutting all contact with you for sinful living".In the states I personally blame those far too young marriages on the dang puritan approach to sex. teen body overloading with hormones, schools teach abstinence only. So you can either disappoint your religious figure and family or get married to the first person you find that says yes. It's not always how that works but it happens too often.Yeah. GothBard and I started dating when I was 20, but there was no pressure so we didn't get married until I was close to 27. There are a LOT of places in the U.S. where you couldn't date for 7 years without BOTH families getting pretty ornery about it.
...have...have they met either of you?
Nude incredulation and clothed incredulation. Take your pick.
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I did a bad thing and ordered paints and miniatures. When am I going to find time to paint? They will join my box of shame...
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Yep, guilty. The fact that Scint and I are sharing a residence - even if we are on completely different floors and nowhere near one another's personal quarters, AND that we're both asexual - without being married is a massive stick in my parents' craw. To the point they're basically saying "you have a while to get your stuff in order and get married, or we're cutting all contact with you for sinful living".
I'm not saying my extended family is typical (or atypical, for that matter). But out of all the couples, the most stable, most communicative, most equal, most happy are my first cousin and her husband who "lived in sin" together for 13 years before they decided to get hitched 18+ years ago. Nearly half of my family tree is moderate Roman Catholics, the other near half is deeply RC, who all stuck with the traditional route with all the trappings, and none of them are as happy as E & her hubby. Her only kid (daughter) is easily near the top of the most had-her-sh!t-together-from-an-early-age list too.
It sucks not having familial approval, but you're the only ones who have to live your lives, not them. Everybody has to do what's best for them. Don't feel pressured to make concessions or apologies for it.
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Yep, guilty. The fact that Scint and I are sharing a residence - even if we are on completely different floors and nowhere near one another's personal quarters, AND that we're both asexual - without being married is a massive stick in my parents' craw. To the point they're basically saying "you have a while to get your stuff in order and get married, or we're cutting all contact with you for sinful living".I'm not saying my extended family is typical (or atypical, for that matter). But out of all the couples, the most stable, most communicative, most equal, most happy are my first cousin and her husband who "lived in sin" together for 13 years before they decided to get hitched 18+ years ago. Nearly half of my family tree is moderate Roman Catholics, the other near half is deeply RC, who all stuck with the traditional route with all the trappings, and none of them are as happy as E & her hubby. Her only kid (daughter) is easily near the top of the most had-her-sh!t-together-from-an-early-age list too.
It sucks not having familial approval, but you're the only ones who have to live your lives, not them. Everybody has to do what's best for them. Don't feel pressured to make concessions or apologies for it.
Oh, we don't. Right now the biggest challenge is keeping a communications barrier up because my patience with them is waning at a pace that would scare Usain Bolt, and I have the very bad combination of qualities of enjoying using my words for great effect and being a troll.
In this situation, their goal is to convert me to their line of thinking. My goal is to be left alone. One of us is infinitely more likely to achieve our objective.
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In this situation, their goal is to convert me to their line of thinking. My goal is to be left alone. One of us is infinitely more likely to achieve our objective.
The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1000:0. A bet of zero dollars on Orthos parents will result in 1000 dollars should they win. Still, very few takers.
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If I took that bet, and won, THEN maybe I could afford to pay someone(s) to FIX this CTHULTHLUFTAGGENAN GARDEN mess I have going!
O_o
Yeah,... It's gonna be a while before I can afford this, isn't it?
;P
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In this situation, their goal is to convert me to their line of thinking. My goal is to be left alone. One of us is infinitely more likely to achieve our objective.
I disagree with your assessment...hear me out...
All you have to do to achieve your goal of "leave me alone" is to do and say nothing. (other consequences involved, sure, but that's not being considered for the scope of this thought bubble)
What are the actual odds of you keeping yourself from speaking up?
I'd say a lot lower than infinitely in your favor.
Just sayin'. ;)
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If I took that bet, and won, THEN maybe I could afford to pay someone(s) to FIX this CTHULTHLUFTAGGENAN GARDEN mess I have going!
O_oYeah,... It's gonna be a while before I can afford this, isn't it?
;P
My husband won’t tell me how much he has spent on our garden this year. I figure I am better off not knowing. It’s beautiful though!
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...have...have they met either of you?Yep, guilty. The fact that Scint and I are sharing a residence - even if we are on completely different floors and nowhere near one another's personal quarters, AND that we're both asexual - without being married is a massive stick in my parents' craw. To the point they're basically saying "you have a while to get your stuff in order and get married, or we're cutting all contact with you for sinful living".In the states I personally blame those far too young marriages on the dang puritan approach to sex. teen body overloading with hormones, schools teach abstinence only. So you can either disappoint your religious figure and family or get married to the first person you find that says yes. It's not always how that works but it happens too often.Yeah. GothBard and I started dating when I was 20, but there was no pressure so we didn't get married until I was close to 27. There are a LOT of places in the U.S. where you couldn't date for 7 years without BOTH families getting pretty ornery about it.
So this takes a bit of explaining. But it basically comes down to "extremely strict, extremely harsh interpretation of scripture" and "completely not understanding any sexuality or sexual identity outside of cishetero".
My parents are citing a scripture that reads to "avoid even the form/appearance of evil" as their source. They claim that living in the same building as an unmarried couple of differing sexes gives the appearance that we are in a sexual relationship, even if one is not happening, and that appearance is enough to be sinful. Because other people will assume it's happening, and that will give Christians a bad name/perception.
Nobody else in my family is using this scripture this way. Ebon isn't. My brother isn't. Their side of the extended family isn't. Scint's parents aren't. None of the few other family members I've talked to are.
As for whether or not we're doing something... in addition to the above where perception is more important than reality, my parents don't believe we will remain celibate. They've told me to my face that they don't understand how I can claim to be attracted romantically to Scint but not interested in sleeping with her and she the same to me. Therefore, they believe that while our respective libidos may be pretty slow to the starting line right now, after a while of living together and being in one another's presence sooner or later we're going to want to hop into bed together.
I've tried to explain this to them, but because my parents believe sexuality is a choice rather than a factor of nature and biology and psychology, it's unhelpful (and very not recommended, as it'll lead to lots of unnecessary arguing) to use the proper terms and definitions for things and the idea of "no I really don't want to have sex, with her or anyone else" is seen exclusively by them as a temporary decision that hormones and libido will eventually overcome.
To them, all that means is that we will eventually sleep together, which will mean there will be kids (because birth control is only for sinners out of wedlock), and we needed to decide now how those prospective children would be raised, religiously speaking. And they just cannot wrap their heads around anything else being true.
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Speaking of parenting and hard decisions, since when did letting your kids socialize become a life-or-death decision... for you?
I've mentioned how frustrated I am that California's entire Phase I-IV reopening plan completely disregards people as human beings. I know that in Phase II I can eat in a restaurant. In Phase III I can go to a salon. But in what phase can I visit my friend? "Sorry, that's not an economic decision, so we don't care."
So Talky McTalktalk wants to join our homebrew game, and we want to let him... as soon as he can come over in person. And of course, California is providing no guidance whatsoever as to when person-to-person visits are allowed.
Because there's no profit in it.
EDIT: And Impus Major wants to resume "Friday Jo Jo Fests" at the house, where a bunch of friends come over and watch Jo Jo's Bizarre Adventures and play Soul Caliber or Jackbox Games, and of course there's no guidance on that, either.
So we said, "At the moment, 2 friends, each on a different couch, each wearing a mask, and you and Impus Minor can be on the 3rd couch, wearing masks."
So far they haven't done it, because they know that when they do, they're endangering my life more than anyone else in the family, and they still consider me "useful". Like a dairy cow before she becomes steak...
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The Boss (on our next job in the heart of Green County): Honestly, I think they'll just be glad we're not throwing bricks through their windows
Me: Our bricks are way too nice to waste throwing through windows.
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I got home and found the air conditioner broken with no one realizing it, it's 92 degrees out and I've been working outside all day so not ideal.
And of course I found out too late for the maintenance guy to do anything about it today.
It's a good thing I'm a hippie and not hung up on wearing clothes everywhere.
Speaking of parenting and hard decisions, since when did letting your kids socialize become a life-or-death decision... for you?
I've mentioned how frustrated I am that California's entire Phase I-IV reopening plan completely disregards people as human beings. I know that in Phase II I can eat in a restaurant. In Phase III I can go to a salon. But in what phase can I visit my friend? "Sorry, that's not an economic decision, so we don't care."
So Talky McTalktalk wants to join our homebrew game, and we want to let him... as soon as he can come over in person. And of course, California is providing no guidance whatsoever as to when person-to-person visits are allowed.
Because there's no profit in it.
EDIT: And Impus Major wants to resume "Friday Jo Jo Fests" at the house, where a bunch of friends come over and watch Jo Jo's Bizarre Adventures and play Soul Caliber or Jackbox Games, and of course there's no guidance on that, either.
So we said, "At the moment, 2 friends, each on a different couch, each wearing a mask, and you and Impus Minor can be on the 3rd couch, wearing masks."
So far they haven't done it, because they know that when they do, they're endangering my life more than anyone else in the family, and they still consider me "useful". Like a dairy cow before she becomes steak...
HAIL 2 U!
your mom sounds like my mom.emphatically yes. Like is their a stronger word for yes?is your mom a religious woman?In the states I personally blame those far too young marriages on the dang puritan approach to sex. teen body overloading with hormones, schools teach abstinence only. So you can either disappoint your religious figure and family or get married to the first person you find that says yes. It's not always how that works but it happens too often.Yeah. GothBard and I started dating when I was 20, but there was no pressure so we didn't get married until I was close to 27. There are a LOT of places in the U.S. where you couldn't date for 7 years without BOTH families getting pretty ornery about it.
Ain't that the truth.
But yeah me and my Fiance have been dating for 5 years now. we are getting married in November. I took my time because my mom married and divorced 7 times. She probably only dated them with the exception of my father for like a month at most first.
I'm sorry.
My mom was pretty cool but I definitely take after my dad.
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I'm sorry.your mom sounds like my mom.emphatically yes. Like is their a stronger word for yes?is your mom a religious woman?In the states I personally blame those far too young marriages on the dang puritan approach to sex. teen body overloading with hormones, schools teach abstinence only. So you can either disappoint your religious figure and family or get married to the first person you find that says yes. It's not always how that works but it happens too often.Yeah. GothBard and I started dating when I was 20, but there was no pressure so we didn't get married until I was close to 27. There are a LOT of places in the U.S. where you couldn't date for 7 years without BOTH families getting pretty ornery about it.
Ain't that the truth.
But yeah me and my Fiance have been dating for 5 years now. we are getting married in November. I took my time because my mom married and divorced 7 times. She probably only dated them with the exception of my father for like a month at most first.
me too.
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My parents - also emphatically religious, in the sense mentioned above of being extremely hardcore conservative and exceptionally or perhaps excessively strict and harsh with all possible interpretation of scripture - didn't seem to have an issue with the long duration of our dating, until I moved and it became an issue of "you're living in the same building and not married, people will think you're sleeping together!". That's when the pushing to get married or get cut off from the family happened. They'd made it quite clear previously that that was what they expected to happen, and wouldn't be happy if it didn't, but they were in no hurry for us to actually tie the knot otherwise and seemed content with our six or so years of dating long-distance without complaint.
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Our first severe thunderstorms of the season!
Frankly, after everything that's been happening the last few months 60 mph winds and golf ball size hail is a welcome reprieve.
If COVID hadnt happened, MrT and I would have celebrated our '10 years living in sin' with a big party.
You are European, it alone doubles the time allowed for living, as it is said in Poland "on a cat's paw".
Even rather ostensibly Catholic Poland is more or less okay with people living unmarried for years now, maybe except for the smallest villages wholly subservient to and dominated by the most rabid priests.
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My parents - also emphatically religious, in the sense mentioned above of being extremely hardcore conservative and exceptionally or perhaps excessively strict and harsh with all possible interpretation of scripture - didn't seem to have an issue with the long duration of our dating, until I moved and it became an issue of "you're living in the same building and not married, people will think you're sleeping together!". That's when the pushing to get married or get cut off from the family happened. They'd made it quite clear previously that that was what they expected to happen, and wouldn't be happy if it didn't, but they were in no hurry for us to actually tie the knot otherwise and seemed content with our six or so years of dating long-distance without complaint.
To the point they're basically saying "you have a while to get your stuff in order and get married, or we're cutting all contact with you for sinful living".
Meanwhile we're still waiting for the fhtagnging PLAGUE to end before we risk going to a courthouse for any length of time. For obvious reasons.
How tempting does that feel?
...have...have they met either of you?Yep, guilty. The fact that Scint and I are sharing a residence - even if we are on completely different floors and nowhere near one another's personal quarters, AND that we're both asexual - without being married is a massive stick in my parents' craw. To the point they're basically saying "you have a while to get your stuff in order and get married, or we're cutting all contact with you for sinful living".In the states I personally blame those far too young marriages on the dang puritan approach to sex. teen body overloading with hormones, schools teach abstinence only. So you can either disappoint your religious figure and family or get married to the first person you find that says yes. It's not always how that works but it happens too often.Yeah. GothBard and I started dating when I was 20, but there was no pressure so we didn't get married until I was close to 27. There are a LOT of places in the U.S. where you couldn't date for 7 years without BOTH families getting pretty ornery about it.
I think that this won't make the kind of impression you prefer to make on neither Scint nor Orthos...
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My parents - also emphatically religious, in the sense mentioned above of being extremely hardcore conservative and exceptionally or perhaps excessively strict and harsh with all possible interpretation of scripture - didn't seem to have an issue with the long duration of our dating, until I moved and it became an issue of "you're living in the same building and not married, people will think you're sleeping together!". That's when the pushing to get married or get cut off from the family happened. They'd made it quite clear previously that that was what they expected to happen, and wouldn't be happy if it didn't, but they were in no hurry for us to actually tie the knot otherwise and seemed content with our six or so years of dating long-distance without complaint.** spoiler omitted **
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I've tried to explain this to them, but because my parents believe sexuality is a choice rather than a factor of nature and biology and psychology, it's unhelpful (and very not recommended, as it'll lead to lots of unnecessary arguing) to use the proper terms and definitions for things and the idea of "no I really don't want to have sex, with her or anyone else" is seen exclusively by them as a temporary decision that hormones and libido will eventually overcome.
Eeee... So, is that one, or another?
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How tempting does that feel?To the point they're basically saying "you have a while to get your stuff in order and get married, or we're cutting all contact with you for sinful living".
Meanwhile we're still waiting for the fhtagnging PLAGUE to end before we risk going to a courthouse for any length of time. For obvious reasons.
To be blunt? I honestly don't really mind, yeah.
My worry was that if they cut me off, they would tell Ebon and my brother to cut me off as well, and that in turn would cut me off from my nieces, and losing the four of them was what had me afraid.
When I did move and then didn't get married - after a series of chained panic attacks because of having to face my parents to tell them I wasn't after leading them to believe I would (because I was afraid if I was more honest with my intents that they'd try to obstruct or interfere with my move or Scint and my relationship), a discussion between the two of us and Ebon made it more clear that that wasn't something we'd need to worry about, and that even if my parents cut contact she and my brother had no plans to. After that everything pretty much settled down.
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I've tried to explain this to them, but because my parents believe sexuality is a choice rather than a factor of nature and biology and psychology, it's unhelpful (and very not recommended, as it'll lead to lots of unnecessary arguing) to use the proper terms and definitions for things and the idea of "no I really don't want to have sex, with her or anyone else" is seen exclusively by them as a temporary decision that hormones and libido will eventually overcome.Eeee... So, is that one, or another?
... I hadn't realized how contradictory that was until right this second. Hah. Well spotted.
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So far they haven't done it, because they know that when they do, they're endangering my life more than anyone else in the family, and they still consider me "useful". Like a dairy cow before she becomes steak...
Nah, I am pretty sure you are old reliable workhorse. Horse meat gets more tender as their age so you have still a future in front of you.
Don't break a leg, though.
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** spoiler omitted **My parents - also emphatically religious, in the sense mentioned above of being extremely hardcore conservative and exceptionally or perhaps excessively strict and harsh with all possible interpretation of scripture - didn't seem to have an issue with the long duration of our dating, until I moved and it became an issue of "you're living in the same building and not married, people will think you're sleeping together!". That's when the pushing to get married or get cut off from the family happened. They'd made it quite clear previously that that was what they expected to happen, and wouldn't be happy if it didn't, but they were in no hurry for us to actually tie the knot otherwise and seemed content with our six or so years of dating long-distance without complaint.** spoiler omitted **
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... I hadn't realized how contradictory that was until right this second. Hah. Well spotted.I've tried to explain this to them, but because my parents believe sexuality is a choice rather than a factor of nature and biology and psychology, it's unhelpful (and very not recommended, as it'll lead to lots of unnecessary arguing) to use the proper terms and definitions for things and the idea of "no I really don't want to have sex, with her or anyone else" is seen exclusively by them as a temporary decision that hormones and libido will eventually overcome.Eeee... So, is that one, or another?
The power of peer review!
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** spoiler omitted **** spoiler omitted **My parents - also emphatically religious, in the sense mentioned above of being extremely hardcore conservative and exceptionally or perhaps excessively strict and harsh with all possible interpretation of scripture - didn't seem to have an issue with the long duration of our dating, until I moved and it became an issue of "you're living in the same building and not married, people will think you're sleeping together!". That's when the pushing to get married or get cut off from the family happened. They'd made it quite clear previously that that was what they expected to happen, and wouldn't be happy if it didn't, but they were in no hurry for us to actually tie the knot otherwise and seemed content with our six or so years of dating long-distance without complaint.** spoiler omitted **
Or in Southern terms, "Hey aren't you guys the church that believes only your members are going to heaven and literally every other denomination is going to hell?".
You know Drejk if we could get all religious text peer reviewed we could change the world. well and then recognized which is the hard part.
** spoiler omitted **** spoiler omitted **** spoiler omitted **My parents - also emphatically religious, in the sense mentioned above of being extremely hardcore conservative and exceptionally or perhaps excessively strict and harsh with all possible interpretation of scripture - didn't seem to have an issue with the long duration of our dating, until I moved and it became an issue of "you're living in the same building and not married, people will think you're sleeping together!". That's when the pushing to get married or get cut off from the family happened. They'd made it quite clear previously that that was what they expected to happen, and wouldn't be happy if it didn't, but they were in no hurry for us to actually tie the knot otherwise and seemed content with our six or so years of dating long-distance without complaint.** spoiler omitted **
** spoiler omitted **** spoiler omitted **** spoiler omitted **** spoiler omitted **My parents - also emphatically religious, in the sense mentioned above of being extremely hardcore conservative and exceptionally or perhaps excessively strict and harsh with all possible interpretation of scripture - didn't seem to have an issue with the long duration of our dating, until I moved and it became an issue of "you're living in the same building and not married, people will think you're sleeping together!". That's when the pushing to get married or get cut off from the family happened. They'd made it quite clear previously that that was what they expected to happen, and wouldn't be happy if it didn't, but they were in no hurry for us to actually tie the knot otherwise and seemed content with our six or so years of dating long-distance without complaint.** spoiler omitted **
** spoiler omitted **** spoiler omitted **** spoiler omitted **** spoiler omitted **** spoiler omitted **My parents - also emphatically religious, in the sense mentioned above of being extremely hardcore conservative and exceptionally or perhaps excessively strict and harsh with all possible interpretation of scripture - didn't seem to have an issue with the long duration of our dating, until I moved and it became an issue of "you're living in the same building and not married, people will think you're sleeping together!". That's when the pushing to get married or get cut off from the family happened. They'd made it quite clear previously that that was what they expected to happen, and wouldn't be happy if it didn't, but they were in no hurry for us to actually tie the knot otherwise and seemed content with our six or so years of dating long-distance without complaint.** spoiler omitted **
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Night john.
It does happen.
singed
/sinjd/
adjective
slightly burnt; scorched.
gran is not a real name. You made it up!