Last one to post wins

[Wally the Wandering Wanderer]

*A postcard entitled "Prehistoric Pandemonium" is delivered to everyone.*

Ooga-booga, Wally fans!

Looks like someone has messed around with the timeline and created a right disaster, here in the past. Dinosaurs interacting with cavemen and other prehistoric animals, I've never seen so many anachronisms! Maybe, after finding everyone, you'll be able to see what caused the trouble and how to fix it.

*The image shows a typical prehistoric landscape, with dinosaurs, cavepeople, ice age beasts, and even a trilobite or two. It just looks like a great big mess!*

*Wally is hidden behind a woolly mammoth, Count Reiner Heydrich is taking part in a contest with some sabre-toothed cats to determine who has the best fangs, the cat is enjoying a nice meaty drumstick, the knight is comparing "armour and weapons" with various herbivorous dinosaurs, the mining troll is in a queue of dinosaurs and cavepeople getting ready to slide down a brontosaurus tail, the monk of fire is showing off the invention of fire to some cavepeople and (from the previous scene) a rose pink coloured female genie is floating in the air with some pterodactylus.*

[Fish-Malkovich]

*BURP!*

Pardon me...

[Dedrick, The Professor]

*Briefly looks at Fish-Malkovich with disgust.*

I'm starting to think that you might be the reason why everything is so quiet!

*Studies the picture on the newest postcard.*

Let's see, Wenda is behind the triceratops that's next to the knight.

Woof is located inside a cave (only his front part can be seen), along with a cave bear.

Next to an allosaurus, that's having it's teeth cleaned, is Wizard Whitebeard.

Odlaw is among a crowd of cheering people (and dinosaurs), watching some cavemen racing on hadrosaurs.

And the star fragment is inside a strange machine being worked on by a modern age scientist.

[Dowager Comtesse de Malodor]

Fish-Malkovich wrote:

*BURP!*

Pardon me...

Granted. Candied gnomes have a similar effect on me.

[Dr. Albert W. Wily]

Dedrick, The Professor wrote:

And the star fragment is inside a strange machine being worked on by a modern age scientist.

Blasted, tin can, rattletrap contraption! You're more trouble than you're worth!

*Begins hitting the device with a spanner, and continues to yell at it.*

[Schism]

Duck and cover!

[Mr. Grinch]

*Goes up to Schism, holding a duck and a cover.*

Relax, it's taking place in the past, nothing bad is going to happen.

[Dr. Albert W. Wily]

*After being hit and yelled at so many times, the machine finally explodes.*

*Other than Dr. Wily getting killed, no-one and nothing is harmed or effected.*

[Schism]

Mr. Grinch wrote:

*Goes up to Schism, holding a duck and a cover.*

Relax, it's taking place in the past, nothing bad is going to happen.

Thanks boss.

[Mr. Grinch]

You're welcome, and I was right, nothing bad happened.

All that happened was Dr. Wily got himself killed and the infinite time ways are restored.

Which, again, doesn't effect us. As it has already happened in the past.

I wonder if you could see if your vampire self has responded to her father's letter.

[Pulg]

Mr. Grinch wrote:

You're welcome, and I was right, nothing bad happened.

The duck might disagree.

[Mr. Grinch]

It's not a real duck, just a wooden carving of one!

*At this, the duck breaks free from Mr Grinch's grasp and flies away.*

Oh, guess it was real after all.

[Vampire Schism]

Father,

Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:

Don't let Dowager Comtesse de Malodor eat anything from my personal larder, she'll get windy.

Sorry about the delay. The letter was mislaid, so I'm afraid your warning about the Comtesse didn't arrive in time. The place looked like a tornado had gone through. Luckily you had the forethought to make sure all the expensive artwork was securely fastened or behind blast shields. Everything else has been set to right, repaired or replaced.

Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:

How are things at the castle? With the warmer weather on the way, certain creatures in the area begin to really come alive, I'll explain later.

No need. With the warmer weather the ground is no longer frozen and the zombies and ghouls are able to come aboveground now. I have them patrolling the properties.

[Count Reiner Heydrich]

Daughter,

Unfortunate that my warning was late, do you know what she had?

Good work with the zombies and ghouls, however, they're not what I was talking about.

There are certain other horrors that make themselves known.

In any case, make sure that nothing upsets the apple cart (it's very sensitive and therapy is expensive).

[Tensor]

What happened in the fight between Chuck Norris and Superman?

?:

The loser had to wear his underpants on the outside for the rest of his life.

[Pulg]

I always wondered why Chuck Norris dressed like that. Thanks.

[Fish-Malkovich]

*Converts Pulg into underwear and places them on to the head of Comte de Malodor.*

*Weaves in some poison ivy for some extra itchiness.*

[Pulg]

It might have more effect if you removed the half-dozen or so pairs of housemaid's bloomers that are already on there, but I'm honoured to be able to serve as his parade uniform busby in any event.

[The Disney Villain Council]

*Meanwhile, many light years away, the Disney villains are enjoying their completed worlds.*

Obviously, we are only now learning about all this because of how long it has taken the transmission.

*First, we head over to a world reminiscent of an African jungle. Where Clayton is on yet on another hunt.*

Clayton: Ha, ha! What shall it be today? Leopards? Elephants? I know! Gorillas! I'll hunt down 20 of them!

*Next, we head to a world laden with dark magic, ruined castles and destroyed landscapes.*

Maleficent: At last, a world in which I hold all the power!

*Finally, we head to a world that looks like Neverland, but without Peter Pan.*

*And a certain pirate captain, is admiring it all from his ship.*

Captain Hook: Swoggle me eyes! A world full of plunder, and no scurvy brats to interfere!

*Suddenly hears a very familiar sound.*

Captain Hook: Where's that blasted ticking, coming from?

*Looks over the edge of the ship, and sees Tick-Tock the crocodile.*

Captain Hook: YOU?! I didn't have you created! So how did you...? Your the real deal, aren't you?

*Goes from being terrified, to absolutely furious.*

Well, there's no cod fish on the menu today, or ever again!

*Loads a cannon with a cannonball and aims it at Tick-Tock.*

Captain Hook: Eat boiling hot lead!

*Fires the cannon, and successfully blasts Tick-Tock into pieces (killing the crocodile, obviously).*

Captain Hook: Should have done that years ago.

[Fish-Malkovich]

Pulg wrote:

It might have more effect if you removed the half-dozen or so pairs of housemaid's bloomers that are already on there

I wasn't hungry. So, I just left them. He'll still give Borvil a rather nasty rash!

[The when]

When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he pushes the Earth away.

[Bumptious Wazzock]

We already know that. Just like how Chuck Norris doesn't get burned by fire.

He lets the fire give him temporary tattoos.

[Dedrick, The Professor]

Meanwhile, I demand to see The Dirty Dangler!

I still have the spinach and peach hand cream he let me borrow.

[The Dirty Dangler]

Here I am! By jupiter, what will you boffins think of next?

[Dedrick, The Professor]

Here you go, it was really good. My right hand (the left hand is robotic) has never felt more refreshed!

*Gives The Dirty Dangler back his hand cream.*

In answer to your question, I'm busy working on something for Count Reiner Heydrich.

And we haven't been able to receive Wally's postcards due to a mail issue.

Do you think that, you might be able to help? If not, we'll probably ask your archnemesis.

[The Dirty Dangler]

I can help with mail issues, sure. I often have similar problems with my armoured posing pouches.

[Dedrick, The Professor]

Excellent, and maybe you could help with caretaker duties at Heydrich Castle.

It needs the occasional fumigation, and I believe that the count's sour blue raspberries are ripe.

[GoatToucher]

Dedrick, The Professor wrote:

Meanwhile, I demand to see The Dirty Dangler!

If I had a nickel...

[The Disney Villain Council]

*Appears via projected images, bows/kneels to GoatToucher in reverence.*

*Everyone/everything does it as well, because GoatToucher is to be treated like a god.*

[The Dirty Dangler]

GoatToucher wrote:

Dedrick, The Professor wrote:

Meanwhile, I demand to see The Dirty Dangler!

If I had a nickel...

As a matter of fact, I do have a nickel ... It helps to resist corrosion.

[The when]

And I have a nickel too. Gives you two to rub together…

[Dedrick, The Professor]

I have an out of use sixpence, if that helps.

The only nickel I have is this.

[Schism]

I only have 2 bits.

[Mr. Grinch]

Well, I did offer you 3 more bits and a few bobs.

But, you said that they didn't match your eyes and were very unsightly.

[Pulg]

She could have got those Bobs vinyl wrapped, you know.

[Mr. Grinch]

She doesn't like things wrapped, excluding presents, it causes her to stress out.

[The when]

My name is Michael, I’ve got a nickel.
I’ve got a nickel, shiny and new.
I’m gonna buy me all kinds of candy.
That’s what I’m gonna do.

[Mr. Grinch]

I didn't know that your first name was Michael, The when!

We know your middle name's Florence, because you told us your mum wanted to name you after her grandmother.

And what kind of candy are you wanting to buy, and how do you intend to eat it?

Only asking simply because you don't have a mouth.

[Quiche Lisp]

By all that is gnomish, what's this spurious nonsense ?

The only thing that matters is my thread win !

That and my superior sense of fashion which made me acquire my magnificent mauve pantaloons.

[Pulg]

I know what your real name is.

Pauve Mantaloons

[Bumptious Wazzock]

And mine, is Brokovichi Ethelred Prospero Alan Wazugog.

Yes, yes, I know what you're going to say. I was indeed, named after my great aunt Alan.

[Pulg]

Alan, in this case, is short for Alantaloons.

[Bumptious Wazzock]

My great aunt Alantaloons, yes, but I'm just Alan.

[GoatToucher]

Ah, sweet, sweet, Alantaloons: In her day, she had four of the finest breasts and three of the finest buttocks you've ever seen.

And what she could do with her horns... :sighs wistfully:

[Bumptious Wazzock]

So you must be the dashing and handsome man who my great aunt eloped with!

Or was it The Dirty Dangler? Either way, she was never going to marry that arrogant toff of a balor lord.

[Lady Blackmoor]

It had bloody well better not have been the Dirty Dangler.

[The when]

The fourth of the finest buttocks is possessed by Lady Blackmoor.

…So I’m told.

[Wally the Wandering Wanderer]

Speaking of The Dirty Dangler...

*Everyone is suddenly flooded with lots of backdated letters, thanks to the efforts of The Dirty Dangler, including two postcards from Wally (however, one of the postcards - the more recent of the two - has been magically enchanted to be blank until the previous postcard has been read.)*

*Said previous postcard is entitled "A Real SUPERstore!"*

Shop till you drop, Wally fans!

This superstore is jam-packed with lots of goodies to buy, from bread to to toilet roll, all at really low prices! And, best of all, many superheroes get their shopping from here! Find my friends and I, and I'll see you at the checkout!

*The scene depicts a very large superstore with various superheroes going up and down the aisles, arguing over who saw the product first, and waiting impatiently at the checkouts. The superheroes are nondescript references to the various comic book heroes (for example, one of the shoppers looks like Superman, but with an inverted colour scheme).*

*Wally is, interestingly enough, over by one of the checkouts. Count Reiner Heydrich is in the shop café drinking some tea with various superheroes that look like Batman. The cat is over by the fishmonger section, eating a big fish. The knight can be found amid some shop staff tending to a wet floor (with some even slipping on it). The mining troll is at the gardening area, being mistaken for a garden gnome. The monk of fire is at the frozen section, defrosting some of the food. The genie is at the bakery area, enjoying the smell of fresh bread. And, from the previous scene, a blue coloured triceratops can be seen, poking his head out from behind a large pyramid of baked bean tins.*

[The when]

Something about the post above makes me feel I should watch The Who’s rock opera: Tommy.

[Dedrick, The Professor]

My guess would be it's either because of The Dirty Dangler dealing with the mail situation.

Or, more likely, it's because of the large pyramid of baked bean tins.