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*GoatToucher receives a letter, evil permeating throughout the paper envelope (though still pales in comparison to the aura of darkness that GoatToucher himself gives off).* Dear Uncle GoatToucher, We have recently been reading your latest written masterpiece: The Complete AO3 Erotica, and have found it to be a most thrilling read. The way you describe each experience that a person has when subjected to delights beyond their reckoning and imagination. As such, we are most curious as to how/what you would recommend for us, should we choose to either participate in these practices or if it would be better to give others that opportunity. In any case, we hope you will continue with writing more books. Yours sincerely, Evil and free of the rules of Disney!
Jafar: Yes, an odd choice for the front cover, but there we go. Gaston: *Scoffs.* Mine are of much better quality, I assure you! Madame Medusa: *Looks disgusted.* Thank you, we are greatly relieved to know that! Captain Hook: Too true, still, we are very impressed with the overall quality therein. Horned King: Agreed, but we must now return to our work, the Heartless are in position. Queen of Hearts: Excellent! Now construction of the planets can begin immediately!
Jafar: Lhunk makes a good point, what if we do get bored with our own worlds? Madam Mim: Well, perhaps that's when we go on holiday! Explore new things and whatnot. Captain Hook: To be fair, my world will be created in a way to deal with that problem. Yzma: Besides, with the Heartless, we can easily create a galaxy wide sphere of influence.
Maleficent: Alright Heartless, man your Gummi Ships and make ready for outer space! Hades: Indeed, we have new (or rather, old) worlds to create! Ursula: Finally, I will have a Kingdom of Atlantica that's mine, ALL MINE! Gaston: Not to mention, that my world will have a Belle that will absolutely adore me! Lady Tremaine: Let's not get ahead of ourselves, we must ensure everything goes right! CLU: Way ahead of you, I'm running the calculations and diagnostics right now!
Maleficent: Dear, Uncle GoatToucher, please inform us of your welfare and indulge us. Gaston: By "indulge us", we mean please hear out our request. Lady Tremaine: As you may be aware, we have recently finished our current tasks. Dr Facilier: Now, we are recreating our old worlds, with some editing of course. Ursula: So, we are curious as to how you would go about this and your recommendations. Jafar: Please let us know as soon as you can, as we are starting preparations soon. Yours Sincerely, Those who are now truly one with the true darkness.
Maleficent: With our tasks finished, once we get people to tour the malls, what shall we do next? Jafar: Perhaps, if it not too prudent, we should try our old plans once more. Ursula: Yes, with no pesky heroes around, we should have much better success! Clayton: Sounds marvellous, but I would rather spend my days hunting wildlife. Yzma: That's not very adventurous, with the Heartless, we can achieve anything! Horned King: I have a solution! We recreate our original worlds! Queen of Hearts: Not sure about the rest of you, but I like this plan! Hades: Honestly, this sounds good, because we can make them the way we want!
*After many days of backbreaking labour (for the Heartless), the strip malls are done.* Maleficent: Excellent work, I just knew we could do it! *The other Disney villains cheer in approval, the Heartless just stand there.* Hades: Now, all that's left is, for GoatToucher to cut the ribbon and make it official!
*Is at site of where the future strip malls will be.* Maleficent: Alright everyone, now that the land has been cleared and flattened out, we will begin working on the new strip malls immediately! To determine the number of buildings, we'll need someone to find out the full amount of GoatToucher brand products. *Points to a nearby minion.* Well, what are you waiting for? Get to it! Jafar: I took the liberty of ordering the building supplies, they should be here soon. Cruella de Vil: We should probably work on the access paths and roads too. Horned King: Looking at the work that needs to be done, we may require more aid.
Queen of Hearts: Keep working, my Card Guards, or it's Bowler Hat Guy: Yikes, thank goodness I'm focusing on my own tasks! *As the Card Guards continue to fill vats of multicoloured liquid and pulling various switches and levers to mix and swirl them around, Bowler Hat Guy tends to a small patch of different kinds of strange looking plants that are growing in a specially made tray under an ultraviolet light (with the help of Doris, of course).* Ursula: I am going try out my new fishbone knife, using that new technique GoatToucher performed at the last demonstration. All I need now is a "volunteer" perhaps a certain mermaid or maybe... her father? CLU: While you're doing that, Commander Sark and I are going to rework and upgrade our systems. It'll give us the means to increase productivity tenfold as well as being able to experiment/torture subjects on a digital level.
Jafar: So, it appears that our master has brought new life into world. Evil Queen: Indeed, truly this sort of thing is something we should contemplate. Captain Hook: Funny you should say that, did GoatToucher give us his opinion? Yzma: Honestly, I don't know. Perhaps he will give it to us later on. MCP: By my calculations, which are never wrong, GoatToucher will give us the knowledge and wisdom we seek once he - albeit temporarily - no longer desires to busy himself with his work. Providing that he has not done so already, thus rendering us most foolish for not listening. And the thought of being likened to users such as yourselves greatly disgusts me! Lady Tremaine: Please do calm yourself down, dear, stress is no good for anyone.
Maleficent: At once, your supreme eminence! Frollo: Well, to start with, we have indeed managed to escape from our backwater dimension (which was, apparently, known as the Kingdom Hearts universe). And we have since become improved because of it! Yzma: Since then, we have been painstakingly attended and participated with your experiments (not that you had any reason to notice our presence) so that we could glean a better understanding of how you set about to your work. Oogie Boogie: Not to mention that we have also been making and mass producing all GoatToucher brand products (even inventing our own). We currently have a countable infinity of machines that are spewing out the products every second! Ursula: I think it's worth noting that Organisation XIII have been doing the same things. Chernabog: So, how are our efforts so far, and how might we yet improve?
Maleficent: Well, how is the cleaning process going? Pete: It's a lot tougher than we thought, GoatToucher experiments quite frequently. Yzma: I've used every type of potion I have, even ordinary washing powder has no effect! Jafar: Shouldn't we be using GoatToucher brand washing powder? Ursula: Would've made it easier from the start! Tamatoa: Alright, chill out everyone, let's stay focused here. Queen of Hearts: Quite right, GoatToucher needs his apron for tonight's demonstration! Gantu: Next poster, what is GoatToucher's next demonstration again?
Maleficent: So, how are things coming along? Good I hope. Yzma: Apart from Kronk (that lovable buffoon) injuring himself, yes it is. Syndrome: Indeed, the decorations are up and the buffet tables are laden with food. Hades: Let's not forget about the music or entertainment, which is going splendidly!
Ursula: I do believe that I've got some spells to add to the festivities. Horned King: And I have just summoned my cauldronborn to assist with everything. Queen of Hearts: good idea, I'll get my Card Guards participating too! Chernabog: here's a classic performance for you. *Summons demons.* Yzma: Kronk, what are you waiting for?! Join Octave in... whatever he's doing! MCP: while all of you users are doing that, I will put our plan into action. *The MCP sets about hacking all nearby networks, using the Festival of Depravity as a platform to expand the influence of the (much needed) new and improved Disney Villain Council.*
*After each member dies mysteriously and then comes back to life, they then surround Pulg and each member uses a pair of tweezers to slowly pluck each of his hairs one by one. Whilst this probably won't kill Pulg, he does suffer from excruciating pain. Particularly if his hair is unending/ever replacing, then he'll suffer a fate worse than death.*
*Each member of the Disney Villain Council grins wickedly.* Yzma: we couldn't agree more with you... *Countess Clarissia von Schism is held firmly in place.* Jafar: all we need now is the right tool for the job. McLeach: I've got it right here! *Uses a machete to cut Countess Clarissia von Schism "in the right place".* Queen of Hearts: well I'll be, it does make things possible!
Hades: I'm afraid that I am from a different universe, my good lady. *Looks away and rubs the back of his neck, showing his awkwardness.* Where I'm from, I'm now the youngest brother instead of the oldest. Which, if you think about it, makes my desire to claim Mount Olympus as more of a bratty move instead of me trying to regain my birthright. On top of that, Persephone (my wife) seems to be missing, not to mention that Zeus (aka Mister High and Mighty/Mr "hey you, get off my cloud") is actually a respectable being now. Maleficent: very true, which is why we all seek to break free of our bonds. Frollo: for too long have we been restrained by the rules of a universe in which the parameters that define good and evil are set so rigidly. Well no more! Yes, we will still remain evil, but now we have complete hearts. Cruella De Vil: absolutely, being too clear cut just isn't fashionable nowadays.
Thank you Madam Ursula. Ursula: *Genuinely surprised and flattered.* Oh, ho, ho! Thank you, Schism! Hades: *rolls eyes*. Oi vey! Don't get carried away, alright? Ya big, slimy, fish! Maleficent: Now, now, let's stay positive and keep on good terms with each other. Scar: quite right my dear, if we start turning against each other then all our plans will be brought to ruin and our efforts will be for nought. Trust me, I speak from first hand experience. Cruella De Vil: I guess it's true what they say, "a house divided never stands." Lotso: That's right, when building our block tower, each brick needs careful placement.
Ursula: I really shouldn't, but, I have no interest in you... so here! *Gives Schism back her voice.* Captain Hook: what are you doing, you silly cephalopod?! We could've used her! Madam Medusa: forget it, my dear captain, she probably would have said no anyway. Jafar: true, even when we turned Schism into a Heartless, she remained independent. Queen of Hearts: that, and the fact that something tells me that she is not in league with our (and the organisation's) newest member -GoatToucher - so it would be worthless having her help. Besides, all is going well for us right now, particularly that now my Card Guards are finally getting on with the job. Oogie Boogie: Indeed, the GoatToucher brand products are in full production and are being spewed out of the automated machinery by the second! Not to mention that the experiments are proving quite... enlightening.
Ursula: blast it all, I got the voice of that wretched derro instead of a certain mermaid's! Tamatoa: just chill out, okay babe, we have more important things to worry about. Madam Mim: Yes, we are still assisting GoatToucher with his production line. Jafar: amongst the other tasks that he has entrusted us with. Queen of Hearts: I just wish that my Card Guards would pick up the pace! Chernabog: don't worry, I can use my powers to compensate... *Blushes a deeper shade of black.* Just don't remind me of my first millennial birthday, ever!
Hades: hey, that sounds great to me! What about the rest of you guys? Sabor: *roars in approval, extending and retracting claws eagerly.* Gantu: clearly, that means "yes". We should be able to come up with something. Ursula: naturally, though I doubt that you would come up with "something!" MCP: The pair of you are giving me a headache! It is clear to me, that the correct solution to formulating a plan, should be to assign it to the one who possesses the highest IQ. And, unlike the collection of Users before me, I am statistically the one with the highest IQ. So, it is only logical that I handle the important tasks. Yzma: really now, we must learn to work together, darlings. Clayton: quite right, after all, it takes a pack of wolves to take down a moose.
*Observes the events that are unfolding, becoming quite amused by it all.* Jafar: I must say, it does look awfully fun down there. Wouldn't you all agree? Queen of Hearts: Why yes, it does, doesn't it? I do so love fun and games! Oogie Boogie: That makes two of us, sister! *Bellows with laughter.* Maleficent: Now that I think of it, just why should the Heartless, the Nobodies, the Unversed and the Nightmare Dream Eaters have all of the fun? After all, we could certainly make it more interesting! Hades: Well then, let's stop chatting and actually do it! *The Disney Villain Council promptly teleports in to join the fun.*
Jafar: Right... anyway, we have some final details to explain about Disney Villainous. Not that any of you are paying attention to anything being said, but there we go. As we have told you, each villain has an objective to complete. Each objective is unique to the individual villains, here are the objectives of the current villains. Captain Hook
Dr. Facilier
Evil Queen
Gaston
Queen of Hearts
Yzma
Cruella De Vil
Hades
Jafar
Maleficent
Mother Gothel
Pete
Prince John
Ratigan
Scar
Ursula
Lotso
Madam Mim
Syndrome
*Has a swarm of Heartless disrupt everything and cause Pulg to crash his hot rod.* Jafar: That was most amusing! Now, where we we? Ratigan: Why, I believe that we were going to talk about the two decks of cards. Yzma: Oh yes, that's right. Each player has a Villain Deck (which goes on the left of their realm) and a corresponding Fate Deck (which goes to the right of the realm, although mine is a little different). Each deck contains 15 cards (again, mine is different). Queen of Hearts: In addition, there are five types of cards (by default): Ally, Item, Effect, Condition and Hero. Ally and Condition cards are only in the Villain Deck, whereas Hero cards can only be in the Fate Deck. Mother Gothel: Ally cards are your minions, pretty obvious really. Ursula: Item cards are used to either assist or hinder, depending on the deck. Jafar: Effect cards work in a similar way, again depending on the deck. Prince John: Condition cards are your typical "surprise" type of card. Each villain has two condition cards at their disposal, but they can only use one each game. So, it's best to consider how things might turn out and choose wisely. Lyle Rourke: And Hero cards are obviously the good guys whose sole purpose is to be summoned by your opponent(s) and hinder your progress. However, certain villains require to vanquish ether a specific hero or a group of them. Maleficent: There are other card types, but they are specific to certain villains.
Pete: and now, ladies and gentlemen, give it up for; The Seven Deadly Singers! *An assortment of villains (including Hades, Jafar and Captain Hook) begin playing various musical instruments. Though everyone is sceptical about just how well it will be, the music that gets played is surprisingly good. Soon, everyone is dancing to the villainous rock tunes.*
Oogie Boogie: Now here's a guy who understands! *Belly bumps GoatToucher.* Yzma: Really now, a simple high five wouldn't have sufficed? Jafar: Calm yourself, Yzma, we have other matters to tend to. Mother Gothel: That's right, we should explain more about the realms. Lotso: Just a quick tangent, each villain also has two decks of cards. Ursula: Correct, but they will be explained later on. Back to the realms. Dr. Facilier: Thank you, Ursula, it's best to stay on track. As was said earlier, each villain has a realm with four locations. And each of those locations has four actions (by default, though this can be different, having three or five actions instead) that can be taken while the player is at a location. There's a total of eight actions that the player can possibly take, each one represented by a symbol. Queen of Hearts: the coin symbol is "Gain Power". Power is the currency of the game and is usually stored in the cauldron (comes with the base game). There will also be a number on the symbol (1, 2, or 3) that tells you how much power you get. Captain Hook: the symbol of a vertical rectangle with a triangle in it is "Play a Card". While all actions are optional, if you have enough power, you should play as many cards as possible. Particularly because this is the only action you can do twice (if the location says that you can do it). Evil Queen: the symbol of a vertical rectangle surrounded by straight lines (mimicking a celestial brilliance) is "Activate Ability". Certain cards (Allies or Items) will also have this symbol, which means that if you want to activate a special ability (first you need to be on the correct location), you'll need to pay a cost. This is quite useful for achieving objectives or simply changing the game, so save power where you can. King Candy: if the symbol is a vertical rectangle (gee, there's a lot of these, four to be exact) with a triangle on either side of it, that's "Move an Ally or (unattached) Item". Pretty self explanatory really, move an Ally or Item card from one unlocked location to another. Madam Mim: if the aforementioned symbol has a lightning bolt in it, then it's a "Move Hero" action instead. It works like the previous action, but you move a Hero card in your realm instead of an Ally or Item. Hades: Now comes on the best actions, as symbolised by a storm cloud: "Fate"! This particularly nasty action allows you to choose an opponent and pick up the top two cards from their Fate Deck. Choose one to play, as the other will then be discarded into the Fate discard pile, and really mess up someone's day. If more than two people are playing then the person who got "Fated" gets a special token granting them immunity. Cruella De Vil: the other best action is "Vanquish", and it is symbolised by a circle with spikes going around it and a jagged line going through it. If you need to get rid of a Hero in your realm, you must make sure you have an Ally or Allies at the same location as the hero and the total strength of your Ally/Allies is at least equal to the strength of the hero. After the action has happened, the hero goes into the Fate discard pile and your Ally/Allies go into your normal discard pile. Lyle Rourke: and finally, we have "Discard Card(s)", represented by three rectangles together (facing to the right, diagonally) with an arrow pointing to a fourth rectangle with an "X" in it. Simply put, if you feel that you don't have a good hand, this action will allow you to discard a few cards in the hopes of getting better ones.
Syndrome: These guys don't realise that the "snakes" are actually snakemen do they? Mother Gothel: Or that the giant spiders are quite intelligent. Oogie Boogie: Yes, a darn shame really, a spider and snake omelette sounds delicious! Queen of Hearts: Maybe I should have my Card Guards participate in this Blood Bowl. Chernabog: It is worth considering, but we still need to explain more about... Lady Tremaine: Wait until the next post, my dear, wait until the next post.
Maleficent: I think that the alien has held victory long enough. Dr. Facilier: Agreed, besides, we've got to explain a few more details! Madam Mim: Yes - such as - though Disney Villainous is a "board game" of such, it actually consists of small, foldable boards for each villain (complete with a brilliant little quote that the villain made). The reason for this is that each board is the villain's realm, and each realm has four locations, based on certain places in the villain's movie! Pete: I feel it's best to note that some villains have their fourth location locked. This is due to it playing a key part in the villain's objective and as such, a special item or effect is required to unlock it.
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