...I was just wondering if any of the judges could expand on the idea of SAK.
I'm not a judge, but SAK isa fairly thing to define. Firstly, it's an abbreviation of Swiss Army Knife. In the real world, it's a small folding knife with a number of other small folding tools all in one compact package. In item design, it's used to refer to things with multiple not tightly related abilities.
Basically, if while you describe your item's effects you stop to say "and also", you're likely a Swiss Army Knife. Amongst other things, this means that better items are typically good at one exactly thing, because they're able to focus on it.
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I wasn't going to do this, but
EIDOLONS TOOLBOX
Aura Moderate conjuration; CL 8th
Slot Wrist; Price 8,000 gp + 400 gp per charm; Weight - .
Description
This silver bracelet bears several charms, each of which represents a hand held object commonly used by adventurers. When worn by a Summoner, her Eidolon gains the ability to conjure any item represented as a charm on the bracelet. Conjuring an item requires a standard action but dismissing it is a free action. These items are all mundane in nature, but each charm can be enchanted in the same way as the item it represents at the same cost, other purely magical items, such as wands, can also be added to the bracelet as long as they are paid for in full as if they were a normal version of the item. All weapons, shields and other tools represented on the bracelet are of masterwork quality. No bracelet may bear more than five charms, but charms can be replaced. A replacement charm cannot be used until 24 hours have passed since attaching it to the bracelet. The conjured items disappear with the Eidolon if it is banished or killed.
Construction
Requirements Craft wondrous item, Minor creation, Summon Eidolon class feature; Cost 4,000 gp + 200 gp per charm
EIDOLONS TOOLBOX
*...Reject. Lots of missing mechanics. Makes adventuring easier. Boring.
*...So this is pretty much like all the other charm bracelets with detachable "gear" except now you get have them available for your eidolon. I'm put off by many of the little mistakes throughout the description and implementation of the template. Not the least of which is that they even misspelled the item's name inside their post. I also find the pricing of the "per charm" bit kinda meh. So your masterwork lantern costs just as much to add to the bracelet as a wand? I'll pass. Vote to Reject.
*...It's the "item getting around the 'share magic items' limitation of the summoner class" item. Boo. Reject.
Shard of the Eidolon Soul*...{chunks of feeback}
Thanks Neil! I really appreciate the quick and direct responses! Better luck next year! :p
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EIDOLONS TOOLBOX*...Reject. Lots of missing mechanics. Makes adventuring easier. Boring.
*...So this is pretty much like all the other charm bracelets with detachable "gear" except now you get have them available for your eidolon. I'm put off by many of the little mistakes throughout the description and implementation of the template. Not the least of which is that they even misspelled the item's name inside their post. I also find the pricing of the "per charm" bit kinda meh. So your masterwork lantern costs just as much to add to the bracelet as a wand? I'll pass. Vote to Reject.
*...It's the "item getting around the 'share magic items' limitation of the summoner class" item. Boo. Reject.
Ouch.. I bet they were the nicer comments too.
Gotta say I disagree with a lot of the above, although not all. Adding something as 'normal' as a lantern hadn't even crossed my mind, and I knew adding that detachable charm things was a bad idea, should have listened to my gut. I actually edited out a lot of mechanics talk because I thought it was too confusing/overcomplicated.
After seeing those that got through to the second round I guess I'll have to go for a more interesting item next time, this one was, as it was so brutally put, boring.
Edit: Thanks for the quick feedback, it's appreciated.
I made a mistake in my last post here- I feel stupid, but because I didn't have my rulebook handy, I trusted to memory... and my memory was faulty. It's not 8th level casters that have a +7 Will save, it's 10th levels. 8th level casters have only a +6 Will save bonus. That still means they'll make the DC 16 save most of the time. But I feel really sheepish for not double-checking the rules- makes me look very unprofessional. My apologies. I'll do better.
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That said, we may just do a seminar at this year's PaizoCon where we workshop wondrous items together in a more holistic manner. And, along with some group participation, we may just collectively design a Superstar item that's worthy of making the Top 32. And, for those who can't make it, maybe we'll film it and post that as extra "advice" for next year...
I'd like to throw a little more momentum behind this idea, especially posting as a video for those who can't make the Con. Being able to hear some pros talk about item creation would be amazing. In fact, a webcast on various aspects of content creation, with a focus on GMing and homebrew content, would be an amazing addition to the community at large. Is there anything like that on the web that anyone knows of?
Azmahel I wanted to take a second and say thank you for taking the time to go through and give your own reviews. You seconded something the judges also felt which is the item is a weapon disguised as a wondrous item. The only reason I don't personally view it that way is because of two wondrous items in the core. Namely the Mattock and Maul of the Titans. The reason the pricing is so specific is I looked to those two items for a little guidance on pricing things. I felt that I ballparked the price too low but it also didn't let you regain as prevent the loss if you didn't have any slots left of that level it wouldn't let you cast a spell of that level. Kinda didn't get that across very well though unfortunately. But this is all a learning experience and I do very much appreciate you and the judges taking the time to give feedback especially when there were so many entries!
Pilgrim’s Fetish*...Meh. SAK of some SIAC effects and other stuff.
*...The summoning of that many lantern archons (along with everything else) probably outstrips the price of 1,500 gp selected for this item. I'd be curious to know how they went about pricing it.
*...I'm also not in love with the mechanic of how the prayers maintain that ability. Some interesting thoughts and creativity went into this thing, but it's not ready yet. Vote to Reject.
*...Agreed. Reject.
Well now I know what got me in the end. I was trying to balance out power and affordability. I figured if it cost too much it would not be something a lowly pilgrim would buy, so I tried to justified the cost with it one time use. Looks like you judges were not buying it.
I tried pricing by finding other one time uses items to compare it too.
Lantern Archons would not have been my first choice as to what it would summon for aid, but it was the ready build and what I would have wanted would have required me to write a custom monster stat block, and I did not have the words to spare for that.
Well here I am rambling on, thank you Neil et al. for the feed back, maybe next year my brain will crank out a winner.
Carl
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*...I like this one. It flirts with SAK, but everything fits together thematically and the flavor of the writing is good. They also flawlessly used the provided template. I'm not sure about the reference to the Mordant Spire elves (are they mountainous elves rather than sea-related elves?), but I love everything else about the item. Vote to Keep.
Color me happy! Even though I didn't make the cut, I am very happy that I was at least considered. This is reason enough to not give up (not that I have, but nonetheless pretty inspiring).
The following stuff had me LMAO:
*...Zelda called. She wants her ocarina back.
*...What does any of this have to do with elves?
*...And the Mordant Spire elves are sea-elves...
*...Meh. Name them something sea-related then. Sea elves on a "spire"...? Sure, there are mountains under the ocean, but that kind of name doesn't conjure up images of sea elves. ;-P
And what follows is really the icing on the cake, because these are good questions that I wished other people asked me before I had submitted the item when getting feedback from friends:
*...If you have this in your possession and you're not in the water, do you die from asphyxiation?
*...Seems under priced.
*...Continuous bonus languages. Continuous breathe water. Continuous ability bonus to skill checks. Continuous swim movement rate (or improvement to preexisting same).
*...Then, for 20 minutes a day, you and your whole party get an unslotted +3 natural armor bonus, and a built-in automatic damage infliction ability.
*...How do you mount a darkwood mouthpiece on a shell?
*...Why are there astrological carvings on it? Do people who live under the sea see the stars much? (Speaking as someone with extensive nighttime undersea experience I can tell you they do not).
*...How do barnacles relate to conch shells?
*...Why does the barnacle effect work out of the water? How would you "blow" this underwater if you're breathing through your gills?
*...It's a SAK with a lot of flavor handwaving. Make it either something you use to exist in an underwater environment ala Jedi scuba gear (and get tagged for being science masquerading as MAGIC), OR something you use to armor up "in the theme of" barnacles (and get tagged for being dumb). Trying to link all this together should make it really expensive, and really munchkin. Reject.
*...I agree that this flirts with SAK but doesn't cross it and like how everything's tightly themed. But I also agree that the actual mechanics are overpowered and underpriced. In the end, I would love to see what this designer could do with a bit of reining in, but s/he isn't quite Superstar yet, and on this item's merits alone, I don't think should be considered for the top 32. Reject.
Pricing was the toughest part, because I had to weigh it against a lot of other items which has similar abilities (pearl of the sirines giving swim speed of 60, ability to breathe underwater, plus being able to cast spells and act underwater with no hindrance, no slot, being a lot less expensive; then you have belt of dwarvenkind which takes up the belt slot for similar continuous effects as the conch and way cheaper), while also adding on the spell effect for the armor part of it, which I'll admit was underpriced, or should have been 1 minute each use instead of 10 minutes each use and probably 1/day.
I was inspired by real-life instruments that are made from conch shells (which were used a lot for the soundtrack to Alien) and they are often made easier to play by carving and fitting a wooden or even metal mouthpiece to the end of the shell: Conch shell as musical instrument
The whole thing was supposed to be this Lovecraftian back-to-the-mother-ocean-womb thing but I failed by doing too much, when cutting back on much of it would have probably made the cut (and possibly jacking up the price... but seriously, look at some of the constant-ability items in the core PFRPG rules; they must be pretty underpriced, all things considered).
Anywho, Mr. Neil Spicer, thank you very much for getting back to us with these comments, and thanks to all the judges for the feedback, it gave me a few laughs and also made me realize that I need to look a lot longer before I leap.
Hi. I just wanted to check in and ask if my item got feedbacked yet (Key of thought's thread. Page 14. Almost at the bottom)?
It has been a while since I posted and to be honest I kinda lost overview how many items are already finished.
But I saw some newly posted items that got feedback right away, so I thought it might be that it just got overlooked (or the search function didn't find it).
If any of the judges could take a look at it and post the critique (or point me to the already posted critique if I missed it) I'd be very grateful. Thank you.
All items have received feedback that requested it, Karuth. So, it's back there somewhere.
Hi. I just wanted to check in and ask if my item got feedbacked yet (Key of thought's thread.
Here it is, Karuth. Search just doesn't seem to be working the way it should. Don't know why.
After much searching, I did not find mine to actually post but I'd greatly appreciate the judge's feedback on my Kitten Slippers for what it's worth. Thanks, gents. You guys are fantastic. :)
Kitten Slippers
Aura faint conjuration and illusion; CL 5th
Slot feet; Price 5,200 gp; Weight 1 lb.Description
These rubber-soled shoes are form fitting and made of well-worn suede. The slippers grant the wearer a +5 competence bonus to Stealth checks. On command the suede breaks apart releasing a mewling kitten (Bestiary pg. 131 as cat). The kitten moves at 40 ft./round in a direction of your choosing, navigating around corners but otherwise taking a random path. The round after it appears the kitten begins meowing loudly, attracting the attention of nearby creatures. If killed, the kitten cannot be summoned again for 24 hours, otherwise the kitten vanishes at the end of 5 rounds but can be resummoned normally.Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, silence, summon monster I or summon nature’s ally I; Cost 2,600 gp
*...Here kitty, kitty...MRRRROOOWWW! I took this to be a joke item. But I'm sure the designer meant for it to be taken seriously. I'm just not inclined to champion a pair of slippers that conjures up a kitten. Sorry. Just not Superstar. Vote to Reject.
*...I sent this idea off on a 40-foot random wander. Then I rejected it. Every time I reject it, a kitten dies. Reject reject reject!
Whew, finally found my item. Thank you for taking time to post the reason for rejecting.
I noticed several rejections being based on "it makes adventuring easy"*, why is that a bad thing? Isn´t that what magical items, especially Wonderous items are supposed to do?
*not the reason for my item, just an observation.
When they say "makes adventuring easy", what they mean is makes it too easy.
Adventure should involve taking risks.
Imaging an Adventure Movie where the heroes sit back in safety and let a magical knick-knack do most of the dangerous parts like scouting and searching for traps.
Not heroic at all. Not an adventure at all.
So "makes adventuring safe" is when an items crosses the threshold from being helpful in dangerous situations to avoiding dangerous situations entirely.
Numerian Bracers of Phantasmal Fury
Aura moderate divination and necromancy; CL 8th
Slot wrists; Price 11,000 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
First constructed by the arcanists of the Numerian Technic League, these metal bracers are adorned with copper tubes filled with hallucinogenic toxins extracted from the Silver Mount. Whenever he is in rage the wearer suffers from the same effects as if he had ingested these toxic fluids. This negates the constitution bonus granted by the rage class ability, but increases the viciousness of the wearer’s melee attacks. For every point his constitution score would normally increase while raging he receives a +1 bonus to confirm critical hits.
On command, the bracers can cause the wearer to see a brief vision of the horrific beasts that lurk in the Silver Mount once per day. This effect can only be used while raging. The wearer must first make a DC 12 Will save or become shaken for 1d4 rounds. If the save is successful each melee attack that deals damage is a critical hit for the duration of one round. Both bracers must be worn for the magic to be effective.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, poison, true strike; Cost 5,500 gp
Numerian Bracers of Phantasmal Fury
*...I'm not really feeling this one. The "convert rage into critical hit confirmation bonuses" is an interesting mechanic. Just not sure 11,000 gp warrants that kind of uber-Critical Focus boost. I think it's underpriced for what it allows you to do.
*...The flavor aspect of the Will save vs. the hallucinations is kind of meh. And all the references to Numeria feels the same. Clearly, someone drew inspiration from the barbarians present in that country. But the backstory isn't really doing all that much for me. It's a little too specific to a single locale in the campaign setting.
*...This is also a "rage-only" item. Which is kind of disappointing and single-note. It comes across like the designer is a huge fan of barbarians from Numeria and would love this item to crank up his PC's ability to crit with his super-awesome greataxe for the huge crit multiplier. Vote to Reject.
*...This doesn't look like a magic item to me, it looks like a technological item, or at least a nonmagical item that jabs you with poison.
*...It's not well-written.
*...I like the "trade the Con for critical hit confirmation bonuses," but the Will save bit is (1) way too low of a save for the benefit, and (2) a really weak connection. Reject.
*...I think the idea of varying the benefits and negatives of rage is interesting, but the overkill of world flavor on this, plus the fact that it's based on a poison found somewhere (not created by the spell as the construction requirements indicate) negate any cool it might have had. Agree with above. Reject.
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Circlet of the Mindless Minion
Aura moderate divination; CL 10th
Slot head; Price 7500 gp; Weight -
Description
This dull metal circlet approximately an inch in height with an impression of an eye on the front of it rests easily on the brow and resizes to stay snugly in place during even the most extreme activities. Whenever the wearer of the circlet is confronted with a mindless construct (i.e. Golem) the headband imparts an impression of the automaton’s actions moments before it takes them, allowing the wearer to better avoid the attacks of the construct.
The wearer of the circlet can make a Sense Motive check as a Standard action to connect with a mindless construct within 60 feet. The wearer receives an insight bonus to AC against attacks made by that particular construct based on the result of the check.
DC 15 = +1
DC 20 = +2
DC 25 = +3
The wearer can maintain the connection (and the bonus to AC) indefinitely, but with only one construct at a time and switching targets requires a new Sense Motive check.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Detect Thoughts, creator must be at least 12th level and have created a mindless construct; Cost 3750 gp
Circlet of the Mindless Minion
*...Special purpose item. Would only care if going into a golem infested zone. Otherwise I wouldn't waste a head slot on this.
*...I like the fact that the bonus is typed. I like the fact that it requires Sense Motive and isn't just automatic.
*...Mechanically this doesn't specify, but players may ask if they gain any other info, like where a golem is going, who it is going to attack, if it will use a special ability, etc. Week keep.
*...It's a good item, just not sure if it's a great item. I'm kind of ambivalent about the Sense Motive check escalating the bonus. Someone who pumps up his skill is going to routinely get the +3 bonus anyway. So, eventually, the results ladder of the skill check becomes meaningless.
*...I'm also put off by the notion that this circlet is constructed with detect thoughts and then applied to a construct...which is mindless and typically immune to this type of spell. I suppose that's where the item is "magical" in how it works. But, a spell like moment of prescience might have been a better choice, in my opinion.
*...The designer also made some miscues in applying the template correctly. I'm a weak Reject for now.
*...I'm not really sold on this, especially since it doesn't provide a solid enough explanation of how it knows what the construct is going to do. If it's really mindless, it's got no mind to read even by a magic circlet. Moment of prescience does seem a better fit, but it's a much higher level spell and would result in this being priced way above it's actual worth unless the pricing rules were completely ignored.
*...You can still apply a higher level spell to a lower priced item. That's where the "art" of wondrous item pricing comes in. In fact, that's really where you start witih pricing your items (i.e., by comparing it to other things on the list) before dipping into the pricing rules on the table. As analytical designers, however, we all have a tendency to jump into the wondrous item pricing guidelines first and then compare it to existing stuff after we've crunched a number for it. This type of item (using moment of prescience) would be a good poster child for pricing it the other way around.
*...My sixth sense tells me that there will be at least 32 better items than this.
*...I completely agree. Hence, I'm willing to hit the Reject button if you are. Just give the word.
*...Rejected.
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Circlet of the Mindless Minion*...Special purpose item. Would only care if going into a golem infested zone. Otherwise I wouldn't waste a head slot on this.
...
*...You can still apply a higher level spell to a lower priced item. That's where the "art" of wondrous item pricing comes in. In fact, that's really where you start witih pricing your items (i.e., by comparing it to other things on the list) before dipping into the pricing rules on the table. As analytical designers, however, we all have a tendency to jump...
That's incredibly useful feedback - thanks! I think I will try again next year.
...
*...This doesn't look like a magic item to me, it looks like a technological item, or at least a nonmagical item that jabs you with poison.
*...It's not well-written.
*...I like the "trade the Con for critical hit confirmation bonuses," but the Will save bit is (1) way too low of a save for the benefit, and (2) a really weak connection. Reject.
*...I think the idea of varying the benefits and negatives of rage is interesting, but the overkill of world flavor on this, plus the fact that it's based on a poison found somewhere (not created by the spell as the construction requirements indicate) negate any cool it might have had. Agree with above. Reject.
I find it quite awesome that people who write the adventures that I buy in my local gamestore took the time to comment on my wondrous item.
Great contest.
Here it is, Karuth. Search just doesn't seem to be working the way it should. Don't know why.
Ah, thanks a lot. I did look through the thread a bit, but it has grown so huge I must have overlooked it.
And now I got to slap my forehead for the stupid spelling mistake I made. ^^
I'm guessing my issue here was that my item wasn't inventive enough, and I'm kicking myself now for not using a more 'grabbery' item. Instead, I went with something I felt pathfinder, and many of my characters in particular, were missing: The Campsite In A Bottle.
Cloak, Journeyman's
Aura Moderate Conjuration; CL 9
Slot Shoulders; Price 5000gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
Followers of Desna favor these heavy leather cloaks, and often add resistant enchantments to them in order to allow them to serve even more complex and versatile function. The cloak is complete with a voluminous fur-lined hood and a ring of decorative silver disks around the shoulders. These cloaks regain their three charges every day at dawn, which can be spent on any of the following effects, which last 9 hours:
* Create fresh hearty food and either cool clean water, warm astringent tea, or weak sweet wine for one medium creature for one day.
* Create a campsite, which does not displace anything in the area, but uses natural features to the best possible function, including wherever possible: five two man tents, a fire pit (unlit) and cooking pot, stools, bedrolls, and a translucent dome that reflects wind and rain, and keeps the temperature moderate like the Tiny Hut spell.
* Create a Sledgehammer, Ladder, 50' of hemp rope, sunrod, or 50 pitons.
In addition, the wearer of the cloak benefits from a constant Endure Elements effect, and can cause the cloak to shine with a soft, steady light, equivalent to torchlight, at will. Anything created by this cloak is translucent, sparkling, and clearly magical and temporary.
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Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Endure Elements, Fabricate, Light, Secure Shelter, Tiny Hut Cost 2500gp
Journeyman's Cloak
*...It's the SAK of camping items and SIACs to make adventuring easier. Vote to Reject.
*...And doesn't follow the format.
*...And an utterly bland name that has nothing to do with its abilities. Reject.
*...Rejected.
Note: The version you posted above is not the version we reviewed (at least in terms of applying the template correctly).
I entered the bracelet of shackled souls, which in hindsight had some problems (second power should have been the main one). Looking forward to your thoughts on the matter.
Bracelet of Shackled Souls
Aura moderate necromancy [evil]; CL 9th
Slot wrists; Price 54,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This fine bracelet consists of strands of silver and cold iron, braided together in a pattern of tiny chains. Five black pearls are embedded in the pattern. As long as the bracelet is worn, any living creature that the wearer reduces to -1 hp or less, using a melee attack, must succeed on a DC 13 Will save or die. The creature’s life force is stored in one of the black pearls, which will turn silvery in hue. The captured life force acts as a charge; the bracelet can hold a maximum of five charges.As a move action, the bracelet’s wearer can, with a flick of the wrist, create a curtain of ethereal chains that spreads in a 15-ft. radius from the bracelet. Anyone caught or passing through the curtain of ethereal chains must succeed on a DC 15 Will check or become shaken for 4d4 rounds, the wearer of the bracelet is not affected. The curtain of ethereal chains lasts for 1d4+1 rounds, this effect expends one charge from the bracelet.
As a standard action, the bracelet’s wearer can launch a mass of ethereal chains at one target within 60 feet. The ethereal chains will attempt to grapple the target using its CMB of 15. The CMD of the ethereal chains is 30. If the mass of ethereal chains succeeds on the grapple attempt, it will on subsequent rounds try to pin and then tie up the target. If the ethereal chains fail to grapple the target then they will fade away. The mass of ethereal chains lasts for 10 rounds and requires the expenditure of two charges.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, death knell; Cost 27,000 gp
*...Keep!
*...I like this one. Tight design according to theme. Uses a single spell (death knell) in the requirements, but gets a ton of mileage out of it so that it's not simply a SIAC. I might have thrown in black tentacles for the chaining/grappling effects and doom for the shaken effect, but the price on this thing still feels legitimate, despite the lower level death knell...and including those additional requirements would have pushed the item over word count.
*...Also, I like the charging mechanic. It encourages a death-dealer to shackle more souls to power the item. And then they have to judiciously conserve those charges if they want to use the higher end powers. My only quibbles are the 4d4 rounds of being shaken from the ethereal chains (i.e., should probably be cited as a mind-affecting fear effect and the duration seems a bit long)...and the limited CMB of the ranged grapple (i.e., I think it would work better as a variable CMB based on the level of the wearer...a la black tentacles...so it stays relevant throughout an adventurer's entire career).
*...Other than that, this is a cool item. I think it should go in the Keep file. And I think it's destined for Top 32. The designer has mojo and pays good attention to both the rules and the proper formatting for wondrous items. High marks across the board. Let's see what they can do in later rounds. Vote to Keep.
*...Kept.
*...I see a really creative idea buried in here on lots of poorly constructed sentences and repetitive turns of phrase. I'm not sure it holds together mechanically, either. The charging is a neat concept, but this in the hands of a villain is going to be nasty if they even so much as drop someone in the negatives with a melee attack. Sure, the save DC is about as low as they come, but it's still something a GM would have to be careful throwing at a PC.
*...It should really have a creation component like entangle, for the grappling effects and doom for the shaken effect. As Neil mentioned, adding those elements would push it over word count; this means the item's trying to do too much in 300 words. Cutting the corner of not including the mechanics you need because it won't fit isn't something I want to see.
*...I wish this were executed more carefully, because I'd like to see what this designer could come up with, but I can't in good conscience put a stamp of approval on something I feel would require a lot of work to make readable in a published book. Reject.
*...Neither of these effects is really "ethereal," as they have nothing to do with the Ethereal Plane.
*...Something that spreads in a 15 ft. radius isn't a "curtain," it's a sphere.
*...I would like to see some minimum HD requirements for the charge mechanic, otherwise you can power up on common orcs.
*...I don't like that the "curtain" only requires a move action to activate.
*...Writing is kind of clunky.
*...Weak reject from me.
*...Rejected.
Note: You had an even split on this item. Two judges really liked it. Two judges did not. It initially made the Keep pile as something we wanted to further discuss. However, that discussion soon turned to picking apart the small details and the judges ultimately chose a handful of other items that seemed to hold more promise in terms of measuring the potential of the designer behind them. That doesn't mean you weren't close, though. Hone your writing, iron out the small details, and find something with a higher innovative spark to it and you just may find yourself in the Top 32 next year.
Bracelet of Shackled Souls
*...Keep!
Wow, I really didn’t expect that the item would make the keep folder, even if it was just for a little while, because after entering and leaving it alone for a week I could clearly see the design holes in it: the overuse of ethereal in the description and I wanted to cut the curtain of chains as the mass of ethereal chains had more mojo in my opinion – and that would also give me the words to add telekinesis to the requirements ;>
Thanks for the feedback, looking forward to year five!
Right know I'm a little late but as word has decided to bugger up so did my computer. However got it together know so lets roll :
Daggermark Acolyte’s Gloves
Aura Faint Necromancy and Conjuration CL 5th
Slot Hands; Price 5800 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
These thin, black adder skin gloves are stitched with vivid green thread and are so tight fitting, that they cause the characters hands to sweat constantly. These gloves are synonymous with the Daggermark assassin’s guild, especially trainees; thus are rarely found on the open market.
While wearing these gloves, the character is immune to accidently poisoning themselves when applying poison to a blade. They are also immune to poisoning themselves on a roll of a natural 1 when rolling to hit.
In addition to this, once per day, the sweat collected in the gloves can be used as Black adder venom (Page 559 of the Core Rulebook). To do this a character must rub their hands over the weapon they wish to coat. Applying the poison is a standard action that provokes attacks of opportunity.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous item, Neutralise poison, Poison, Creator must be a Druid. Cost 2900 gp
Daggermark Acolyte’s Gloves
It looks like the version you've posted here is a bit different than the one you submitted to the judges' forums. Here's what we received:
Daggermark Acolyte’s Gloves
Aura Faint Necromancy and Conjuration CL 5th
Slot Hands; Price 5800 gp; Weight 1 lbs.Description
These thin, black adder skin gloves are stitched with vivid green tread and are so tight fitting, that they cause the characters hands to sweat constantly. These gloves are synonymous with the Daggermark assassin’s guild, especially trainees; thus are rarely found on the open market.
While wearing these gloves, the character is immune to accidently poisoning themselves when applying poison to a blade. They are also immune to poisoning themselves on a roll of a natural 1 when rolling to hit.
In addition to this, once per day, the sweat collected in the gloves can be used as Black adder venom (Page 559 of the Core Rulebook). To do this a character must rub their hands over the weapon they wish to coat. Applying the poison is a standard action that provokes attacks of opportunity.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous item, Neutralise poison, Poison, Creator must be a Druid. Cost 2900 gp
*...Interesting. Why would any poison-using character not want these? Is this a "take off / put on" only as needed item (in other words its slot is meaningless?)
*...Misspelled "thread" as "tread" and "Characters" instead of "character's" and "Neutralise" instead of "neutralize."
*..."Acolyte" isn't really the right word for this situation.
*...Creator must be a druid. Why?
*...Nitpicks aside...(1) The guild wouldn't give or lend a 5,800 gp item to low-level guys just so they won't poison themselves. The risk of poisoning yourself is how the guild eliminates clumsy fools. (2) Once per day you can use the sweat as poison. While the item doesn't rule it out, I think a PC using this would store up the poison and either keep or sell it (retail price 120 gp per dose).
*...Poison-use is a class ability of the assassin class and some core class archetypes. Reject advice #21 "gives class ability or feat." Reject.
*...Also agree...you'd put these on only when you need them, so the slot is meaningless.
*...Completely agree. This item is abusable with the ability to create and store poison over several days. Reject.
*...Rejected.
Note: You also seem to have some real language/grammar problems with misspellings, passive voice, and capitalization/lowercase issues. You'd need to significantly improve in that area for the judges to take your design seriously enough to get down to more fully weighing the "idea" and "mechanics" behind it. That's because your writing alone indicates you're not ready yet.
I think I have a good idea why I didn't make the cut, but would love some feedback. Thanks so much for taking the time to respond.
Fiendish Maestro’s Baton
Aura moderate enchantment and evocation; CL 10
Slot none; Price 12,000 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
DESCRIPTION
A perennial favorite of opera enthusiasts of a certain sort, this wand-like object is crafted from a slender length of cold iron ending in a darkwood grip shaped in the image of a leering devil’s head. About a foot long, it is exquisitely balanced for use in directing musical performances. Merely possessing the baton bestows a +4 competence bonus to any performance check involving voice or a musical instrument whether the performer is trained or not.
Once per day, the baton may be used to compel a victim within 50 feet to perform a Swan Song. Under this effect, the targeted humanoid drops everything and bellows forth an Aria at his full lung capacity. The victim and every creature within 10 feet are under the effect of a sound burst spell which continues each round until the target makes a DC 16 Will save. Once the victim saves he may act normally again, but has gained the exhausted condition.
If the baton’s user actually has levels in the Bard class, she may also channel her fascinate class ability through any other person in sight. This works exactly as the bard’s own performance except that everyone’s attention is centered on the victim. The effect may be maintained each round as a move action for the bard until the victim makes a Will save against the bard’s performance check.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Create Wondrous Item, dominate person, sound burst, creator must have 5 ranks in a musical Performance skill; Cost 6,000 gp
Daggermark Acolyte’s GlovesIt looks like the version you've posted here is a bit different than the one you submitted to the judges' forums. Here's what we received:
Daggermark Acolyte’s Gloves
Aura Faint Necromancy and Conjuration CL 5th
Slot Hands; Price 5800 gp; Weight 1 lbs.Description
These thin, black adder skin gloves are stitched with vivid green tread and are so tight fitting, that they cause the characters hands to sweat constantly. These gloves are synonymous with the Daggermark assassin’s guild, especially trainees; thus are rarely found on the open market.
While wearing these gloves, the character is immune to accidently poisoning themselves when applying poison to a blade. They are also immune to poisoning themselves on a roll of a natural 1 when rolling to hit.
In addition to this, once per day, the sweat collected in the gloves can be used as Black adder venom (Page 559 of the Core Rulebook). To do this a character must rub their hands over the weapon they wish to coat. Applying the poison is a standard action that provokes attacks of opportunity.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous item, Neutralise poison, Poison, Creator must be a Druid. Cost 2900 gp*...Interesting. Why would any poison-using character not want these? Is this a "take off / put on" only as needed item (in other words its slot is meaningless?)
*...Misspelled "thread" as "tread" and "Characters" instead of "character's" and "Neutralise" instead of "neutralize."
*..."Acolyte" isn't really the right word for this situation.
*...Creator must be a druid. Why?
*...Nitpicks aside...(1) The guild wouldn't give or lend a 5,800 gp item to low-level guys just so they won't poison themselves. The risk of poisoning yourself is how the guild eliminates clumsy fools. (2) Once per day you can use the sweat as poison. While the item doesn't rule it out, I think a PC using this would store up the poison and either keep or sell...
Cheers dude, thanks for the advise. Noticed alot of the spelling mistakes just after entry. So my bad. Also friend pointed out the storing poison ability again just after entry so had to punch him in the head then myself :S but thanks for the advice and looking forwards to next years attempt. Will think of something slightly more interesting and ****ing spell check not only with computer but friends and family!!!
Fiendish Maestro’s Baton
*...The flavor sucks but the mechanics are interesting. Weak keep.
*...I don't know. It's not a better item than many we've seen so far. The ability to "puppetmaster" someone into not only losing all their actions, but actually inflict sound burst damage on those around them seems a little...extreme. I do like the channeling ability of making someone else produce a bard's fascinate ability, though. That's pretty innovative. Even moreso if you could have that song linger on while you slip away unnoticed.
*...There are some other things in here I don't like, though. First, it's the Perform skill...not the Performance skill. Small details like this will wind up frustrating a developer or editor really quickly. Secondly, I didn't care for the reference to a Swan Song. Usually, that means it's someone's last act before passing away. And I didn't get the sense this item was all about that. Instead it should be a distracting song or something akin to hideous laughter...which I also would have liked to see in the spell requirements.
*...Anyway, there's not enough in this item to make me want to champion it. Vote to Reject.
*...Neil brings up the same points I would have, especially the damage dealing aspect. Were it just a social/enchantment item, ok, but allowing some random fop you know has a low Will save to do damage while you just stand there is silly. There's certainly a spark of something cool here, but I think this designer needs to try again after intermission...what?...Get it? Intermission? Hrrm. Probably time to call it quits for tonight. In any case, I vote to Reject.
*...Rejected.
Chief Technical Officer
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While wearing these gloves, the character is immune to accidently poisoning themselves when applying poison to a blade. They are also immune to poisoning themselves on a roll of a natural 1 when rolling to hit.
Neil mentioned that your grammar needs to improve; one specific thing you're doing that drives editors crazy is using "they" to refer to a singular subject.
Instead: "While wearing these gloves, the character is immune to accidentally poisoning himself when applying poison to a blade. He is also immune to poisoning himself on a roll of a natural 1 when rolling to hit."
We'd also change your wording for non-grammatic reasons. Look at other items that say similar things, and use the same wording. For example:
"While wearing these gloves, the character is..."
becomes simply:
"The wearer is..."
Living Lectern
Aura faint conjuration; CL 1st
Slot -; Price 4000 gp; Weight 10 lbs.
Description
This small, seemingly normal wooden lectern can be placed on a flat surface, such as a desk, providing support for a typical book. However, if the owner releases it in an empty space, the lectern assumes a corposynchronous position around her and, upon command, magically opens, closes or turns to a desired page. Each lectern has a short stem with a receptacle for one small light source (typically an enchanted stone) to illuminate a supported text.While understandably useful in temples and universities, Living Lecterns are most often employed by adventuring spellcasters known to sew spell scrolls into the pages of mundane books. Such tomes, when used with a Living Lectern, provide quicker access to combat spells than traditional scroll cases afford.
Commanding a lectern to manipulate pages is a free action that does not provoke attacks of opportunity. A lectern in orbit has AC 14, 10 hit points, and hardness 5. It is considered attended by its owner for all maneuvers and effects that target items and it shares her same space.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Unseen Servant; Cost 2000 gp
*...So, your Superstar item is a free-floating, orbiting lectern that turns pages and finds scrolls faster for you? C'mon. You can do better than that...Vote to Reject.
*...Corprosynchronous orbit almost worth a keep. :) Reject.
*...Rejected.
Note: Clearly, we didn't view the item's concept as all that innovative or interesting. You've got to bring something with stronger mojo than an animated lectern that lets you access scrolls as a free action.
Fiendish Maestro’s Baton*...Anyway, there's not enough in this item to make me want to champion it. Vote to Reject.
*...Neil brings up the same points I would have, especially the damage dealing aspect. Were it just a social/enchantment item, ok, but allowing some random fop you know has a low Will save to do damage while you just stand there is silly. There's certainly a spark of something cool here, but I think this designer needs to try again after intermission...what?...Get it? Intermission? Hrrm. Probably time to call it quits for tonight. In any case, I vote to Reject.
*...Rejected.
Ah, fair enough. I kinda felt I tried to do too much with it. The comments were right on the nose. Very much appreciate it. Thanks again, Neil.
BTW- just picked up Sanctum of the Serpent God. *...Keep.
: )
BTW- just picked up Sanctum of the Serpent God. *...Keep. : )
Hah! You, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar. :-)
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Chief Technical Officer
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Neil mentioned that your grammar needs to improve; one specific thing you're doing that drives editors crazy is using "they" to refer to a singular subject.Which, linguistically, is absolutely fine, BTW, unless you're a very strict prescriptivist...
I don't know of any professional editor that would approve of such a thing.
Star Voter Season 6
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Neil mentioned that your grammar needs to improve; one specific thing you're doing that drives editors crazy is using "they" to refer to a singular subject.Which, linguistically, is absolutely fine, BTW, unless you're a very strict prescriptivist...
You do realize that editors are, pretty much by definition, strict prescriptivists, right? :)
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My item was the "Cloak of the Choker". Unfortunatley I forgot to copy it to my computer (I wrote it straight to post from my notes). Could one of the Vaunted Paizoites please dig it out and post it with feedback, please? Much thanks!Okay, first, I want to point out one thing. I'm really annoyed by those who "forgot" to keep a copy of their item...or "lost" it since submitting for the contest...etc. I don't mean to single you out here, Enyn. You're not the only one to post here for feedback stating something similar. But...here's where I'm going to wield the whip of chastisement (not a real wondrous item or magic weapon) for a moment.
If you want the judges, the voters, and Paizo to take you seriously with regards to a freelance writing opportunity like that represented by RPG Superstar, you need to start developing the serious habits of a freelance game designer. You should always keep a copy of your work. And you should never misplace it. And if you find yourself in that situation, and then post here for feedback on your item, you should understand that it immediately raises some pretty serious reservations to learn that you haven't applied enough attention to detail to even organize your work so you can find it again and have it on hand to reference as we give you this feedback.
Okay. I got that out of my system. I'm okay now. Really.
Unbiased feedback on its way...
Apologies. Rookie mistake. I still had my notes, I just didn't want to take a chance on re-writing it in the critique thread incorrectly, and provoking raised eyebrows. I figured you guys wouldn't mind helping, but it looks like you kind of did, and I still raised eyebrows, but now it's at my competence instead of at a mistakenly altered re-write of a submission. I'm trying not to sound like sour grapes here, (To be honest, I never expected to do as well as having it stick around in the keeper file for a while) and I appreciate the feedback, but I do wish you had found a more private venue in which to wield your "Whip of Chastisement", perhaps via e-mail or Personal Message. With my post attached to this vent I do feel singled out in spite of your disclaimer, and I am wholly embarrassed in the face of this, with everyone in the forums able to see exactly how you felt about the issues some of us had with failing to copy/paste in this one instance. In the world most of us are relegated to a public dressing down is just not done in the workplace, whether in front of peers or via a public message board . Even if it wasn't in a workplace, the contest and it's corresponding forums are still basically a multi-stage interview for a freelance job, and still no place for a public dressing down. Feedback ( good or bad) on entries is one thing- this was another entirely.
Respectfully,
Enyn
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Enyn, I understand what you're saying, but I also think you're blowing it out of proportion. The whip of chastisement was an attempt at humor to add some levity to the advice. This is also an exceptionally old post at this point and you've dug it up, thereby calling more attention to it than I think anyone would have ordinarily paid it. When I made that comment, it was because I was in the mad rush of trying to get feedback to everyone, but there were a lot of folks coming forward and saying they hadn't kept a copy of their original work. To me, that's a very unprofessional thing to do if you're serious about getting into freelancing. And, I think it's important to tell folks that here, in the feedback thread, as additional advice.
However, it's certainly regrettable that my comments made you feel this way. Even so, I'll coach you from one more angle in viewing this thing. Rightly or wrongly, the manner in which you're reacting comes across as if you haven't yet developed the thick-skin you'll need to handle real, live feedback in the course of freelancing (or the open critiques you'd undergo in RPG Superstar). And I don't want to sugarcoat that for you. Because it's a real, fact-of-life kind of thing. Nevertheless, I can understand the desire to not be "called out" or "dressed down" in a public fashion. But this actually is the thread in which we were going to give everyone the unvarnished assessment of their submissions if they sought feedback. And you did. I also don't think there's anything wrong in extending that to include my comment about the importance of "being the thing you want to become"...i.e., a professional freelancer...by always hanging onto a copy of your work. I directed that message not specifically at you...but rather included you along with everyone else who'd indicated a similar situation.
Finally, I can also appreciate the possibility of trying to contact someone off-site to relay that kind of message. But I had two reasons for not doing that. First and foremost, I have no idea of how to contact anyone. There's no private messaging feature on Paizo's boards and even as a judge I don't have any insight into the email addresses of those who submitted. Secondly, I wanted this to be a public message so others could learn from it. Not just you. And, inasmuch as it can hurt sometimes to be the object lesson by which the judges convey such messages to those following along, the best way (in my opinion) of handling it as the recipient is to take that medicine, acknowledge the truth of it, and then learn from it. To do otherwise is just wasted energy. And it magnifies what could have been a simple lesson learned into a larger-than-necessary event.
Bottom line: Your item had enough mojo for us to keep it around and discuss it. Take heart in that. In addition, I don't think anyone here in the community is going to view you in a negative light (for the purposes of voting or otherwise) just because you forgot to keep a copy of your work and Neil said that was unprofessional. Next time, keep a copy of your work and bring the same level of mojo for the 2012 competition. Enough said.
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Enyn, I understand what you're saying, but I also think you're blowing it out of proportion. The whip of chastisement was an attempt at humor to add some levity to the advice. This is also an exceptionally old post at this point and you've dug it up, thereby calling more attention to it than I think anyone would have ordinarily paid it. When I made that comment, it was because I was in the mad rush of trying to get feedback to everyone, but there were a lot of folks coming forward and saying they hadn't kept a copy of their original work. To me, that's a very unprofessional thing to do if you're serious about getting into freelancing. And, I think it's important to tell folks that here, in the feedback thread, as additional advice...
...Finally, I can also appreciate the possibility of trying to contact someone off-site to relay that kind of message. But I had two reasons for not doing that. First and...
Thanks, Mr. Spicer- this gives me more perspective on what goes on. I'm totally new to this kind of process. I'm sorry it seemed like I dug it up- I had checked back for several days after my original post and after not seeing anything yet figured it was a lost cause and silently slunk off. After a while, on a lark, I decided to check again and there it was, along with the comments, and as they say, hilarity ensued. I guess my biggest fear was that future submissions would be tainted by my mistakes now, but your last few words made me realize they may not be. The only thing I can't do is bring the same level of mojo- I'll have to bring a better level to stay in the keeper file! Thanks again!
Again, respectfully,
Enyn
Give it to me with both barrels, Neil. I'm thick-skinned.
Sash of the Red Warden
Aura strong conjuration and divination; CL 13th
Slot chest; Price 113,800 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This item commonly appears as a broad sash of scarlet brocade emblazoned with symbols of deities whose concerns are healing and battle, stitched in gold and silver thread. Spaced along the length of the sash are four ivory pins, carved into stylized images of winged, angelic figures. The wearer can remove these pins and give them to allies, attaching them to gear or clothing. The pin bearers can then be monitored by the wearer as if they were under the effects of a status spell.
Also, the sash allows healing magics to be focused through the links made by bestowing the pins. Any cure spell with a range of touch cast by the wearer is treated as if the spell’s range were medium, so long as her target bears one of the four pins.
Finally, as a standard action, the wearer may summon one of the pin bearers to her side. That person appears in an adjacent square that is not hazardous or already occupied by another creature. The pin bearer may not resist this effect and range is not a factor so long as they are both on the same plane. In addition, this effect is produced as an immediate action should any pin bearer be dropped to negative hit points and dying. Whether the bearer is summoned as a standard or immediate action, this effect can only be used once in a 24 hour period with any given pin.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, refuge, stabilize, status; Cost 56,900 gp
Give it to me with both barrels, Neil. I'm thick-skinned.
Sash of the Red Warden
*...It's the emergency first aid and evacuation item. Medic!
*...I don't know. It thematically holds up. And I can see what the designer was shooting for...and all the spells make sense. I think the Medium range for touch cure spells is a bit much.
*...Also, suppose a rogue uses Sleight of Hand to place one of these pins on an undead creature susceptible to positive energy cure spells. You then get long-range damage effects without having to risk the healer in a front-line situation.
*...You can also plant one of these items on someone (e.g., an NPC adversary, etc.) and the sash wearer can pull them to their side with no-save and no range limitation (as long as they're on the same plane)? That's too powerful.
*...Then, you glom on the refuge effect (which really ought to be word of recall, in my opinion) and it starts cranking this thing up to the ultimate high-level gotta-have-it item for pulling people out of the fire when they get in over their heads. Is 113,800 gp enough?
*...I'm leaning Reject at the moment.
*...I'm with you on the Reject....If it were a single pin, maybe not, but with 4 pins?! Makes adventuring too easy. Reject.
*...Rejected.
Sash of the Red Warden
This name falls into the "...of the..." category, but not really in a good way. Yes, we all know what a sash looks like, but it doesn't usually scream awesome-cool-heroic item that my PC must have. The Red Warden bit is completely generic and doesn't immediately inspire any particular visual. So, what I'm basically saying is this is a very generic, uninspired name. It doesn't intrigue the reader or capture their attention right away and make them want to read further.
Aura strong conjuration and divination; CL 13th
Slot chest; Price 113,800 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Your aura makes sense for an item based around a high-level spell like refuge and lower-level effects like status and stabilize. Caster level meets the minimum requirements for casting refuge. So, you're clear there, too. As a sash, this item might be viewed more as a "belt" slot than using up the "chest" slot. I kind of view sashes as more like belts than bandoliers...but no biggie. The weight of your sash is more in line with a belt, though, so that sort of reinforces the interpretation for me.
And then I get to your item's price and I'm left with the impression that you priced it more according to the table for pricing wondrous items than by doing a comparison to existing items based on what this thing can do. This is a pretty serious "pull my butt out of the fire if I get in over my head" item...with the added caveat that you can continually monitor their condition...and teleport them away from harm. Then, you glom on the ability to do ranged cure spells to the wearers and it's really stretching beyond what I feel a 113,800 gp item should do.
Description
This item commonly appears as a broad sash of scarlet brocade emblazoned with symbols of deities whose concerns are healing and battle, stitched in gold and silver thread. Spaced along the length of the sash are four ivory pins, carved into stylized images of winged, angelic figures.
I like this (for the most part). You dive right into telling us what an item is physically like. And that's important, because you want to paint a picture in the reader's mind as quickly (and simply) as possible before you jump into the actual game effects. You spend a lot of words here, though. Also, I'm left feeling like the sash is really two items in one. The ivory pins play such a substantial role in connecting the sash wearer to them that it's kind of a combo-item in some ways. I'm not sure how I feel about that.
In some ways, it's cool. In other ways, I'm left wondering if it might have been simpler to just say there are four pins and everyone holding them can monitor one another's status on the battlefield...and channel cure spells between one another...and recall someone out of a fight, as necessary. Sure, that magnifies the power level...which is probably a clue that you should rein back some of what this item does. But, it also frees you up from having to describe what's basically two different components to this item.
Regardless, that comment isn't so much a critique as just me muddling through some other possibilities on how to focus your item to a single, specific thing.
The wearer can remove these pins and give them to allies, attaching them to gear or clothing. The pin bearers can then be monitored by the wearer as if they were under the effects of a status spell.
Cool. I like this. However, you failed to italicize "status" in your spell reference here. You always italicize (and lowercase) spell names regardless of where you use them. And that obviously should include the descriptive text.
Also, the sash allows healing magics to be focused through the links made by bestowing the pins. Any cure spell with a range of touch cast by the wearer is treated as if the spell’s range were medium, so long as her target bears one of the four pins.
I worry about this ability. As one of the judges commented, it makes adventuring too easy. There's a reason cure spells require a touch. It's part of the game balance. Ranged healing comes in the form of channeling positive energy now...and even that carries a more limited range than medium...and it requires a specific class (like cleric, paladin, or oracle) to do that. Your sash, on the other hand, would even enable bards to use cure spells at medium range. And that's stepping on the toes of the other classes. Not to mention, it's really ramping up your item's power level to accomplish something like this...
Finally, as a standard action, the wearer may summon one of the pin bearers to her side. That person appears in an adjacent square that is not hazardous or already occupied by another creature.
This bit made me stop and think awhile. How do you define an adjacent square that's not "hazardous"...? Is a threatened square hazardous? What if the sash wearer is completely surrounded (or threatened) in all adjacent squares? Does this teleport "summons" ability for the pin wearers fail to work in that situation?
The pin bearer may not resist this effect and range is not a factor so long as they are both on the same plane.
Really? So, if my rogue secretly slips one of these ivory pins on a bad guy, our entire adventuring party can teleport out to a secure location (where they have the advantage) and then summon the bad guy (with no save) to pull him to them? That would defeat fighting a bad guy in his own lair where an adventure may have designed certain hazards or advantageous terrain, etc. for the bad guy. It would also immediately take him away from any minions or bodyguards intended to protect him. In all, though using the item in this manner would make for some pretty crafty tactics, it's why it immediately becomes an item that makes adventuring too easy. It negates too many situational things within the game and the design of most adventures.
In addition, this effect is produced as an immediate action should any pin bearer be dropped to negative hit points and dying. Whether the bearer is summoned as a standard or immediate action, this effect can only be used once in a 24 hour period with any given pin.
So, this is where I'm coming to the realization that this item is meant to "save someone's bacon" when they get in over their head. It's the emergency evacuation item when everything blows up. It also makes the item too powerful again. Think about it. If you can keep pumping cure spells into the party's front-line fighters (who are all wearing this pin) to keep them on their feet...and you can immediately pull them out of harm's way when they fall below 0 hp...what scenario do you really imagine is ever going to challenge such a band of adventurers?
This item is simply too good. It's underpriced for what it can do. It's an item that every adventuring group would buy and then abuse in BBEG-battle after BBEG-battle. Thus, put simply, this design wasn't fully thought-through and it's a sign that the developer behind it isn't quite ready for RPG Superstar yet. Rightly or wrongly, that's the impression it leaves on the judges, at least.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, refuge, stabilize, status; Cost 56,900 gp
You were mostly good here. Your feat is properly referenced and capitalized. Your spell names are italicized, lowercase, and in alphabethical order. However, you got lazy here and strung your italics BBCode tags around the whole chain of spells rather than each one individually. That winds up making the separating commas italicized, too. And, if you did that in actual manuscript turnover, it would create some funky problems during layout. So, it's useful to get in the habit of only italicizing the spell names themselves and nothing else.
Your cost to price ratio is good. So, your math is intact. As I said earlier, however, I think your pricing is off on this one. The cumulative spell effects layered into this item might have led you to that number. But, the actual game effects (and abuse potential) of this item as compared to other items at a similar price should have led you to elevate the final price to something far greater. This is that part where we often talk about wondrous item pricing being more "art" than "science." Or, put more simply, don't always rely on the wondrous item pricing table. It's a good starting point, but you absolutely have to think through your item in comparison to other wondrous items and their prices. As I said, because of what this sash and its ivory pins can do, it's an absolute steal at 113,800 gp and there's no reason why an adventuring party wouldn't pool their resources and buy one.
Lastly, I'll make one other note here. I think you chose the wrong spell in refuge for the teleportation effect. If you read that spell's description, it talks about the spell being cast on an item and that item needing to be broken by its possessor to activate the magic. And that's not really what you've got here with the ivory pins. Instead, it's the wearer of the sash who is monitoring the condition of his allies with the status effect. And, the sash recalls the pin wearers automatically if they fall below 0 hp.
So, to me, I think you should have gone with word of recall instead. That way, you could interpret the sash as being the mobile "sanctuary" as described in the word of recall spell effects. In addition, a word of recall can't teleport an unwilling creature...which would help alleviate the concern I cited about planting one of the pins on an adversary to pull them away from their lair.
Summary:
Uninspired name
Overreaching idea (should have trimmed this one back)
Mechanically broken (too open to abuse, bit of a SAK)
Adequate flavor/writing ability
Mostly solid presentation (good use of template, but still had some mis-steps)