Dear Jack,
I think I've become addicted to humping. What should I do?
- BP Poodle
*humps BP poodle*
What?
That wasn't an invitation?
Dear Jack,
I think I've become addicted to humping. What should I do?
- BP Poodle
Dear BP Poodle,
I don't care, just do it away from the Clubhouse!
- Jack Hammer
PS: *punts poodle*
*humps BP poodle*
What?
That wasn't an invitation?
*punts Snarky Poodle*
Hey! Two for one!
Dear Jack,
I having feelings of inadequacy. What should I do?
- Gary 23
Dear Jack,
What does Mrs. Jack like?
Which one?
Dear Jack,
I having feelings of inadequacy. What should I do?
- Gary 23
Dear Gary 23,
Get used to it. Everyone missing Jack from their name is inadequate.
- Jack Hammer
Dear Jack,
Do you miss me? Tell me, truly, I implore.
-The Masked Rogue
The current Mrs. Hammer.Which one?Dear Jack,
What does Mrs. Jack like?
Here's her pic - Mrs. Hammer
Here's her pic - Mrs. HammerThe current Mrs. Hammer.Which one?Dear Jack,
What does Mrs. Jack like?
Well, I guess that explains where you've been spending your time. ;)
Dear Jack,
Do you miss me? Tell me, truly, I implore.
-The Masked Rogue
Dear Masked Rouge,
I did, but my aim is getting better.
- Jack Hammer
*takes back his stuff, then punts Masked Rouge*
The current Mrs. Hammer.Here's her pic - Mrs. Hammer
Ewwww, you're Brian Austin Greene?
{attempts to punt JH, but just stubs his own toes badly} Ouchie, that smarts!
Should I have made that left turn at Albuquerque?
Should I have made that left turn at Albuquerque?
What a maroon!
If 25 is 6 to 4, is a quarter one half?
If 25 is 6 to 4, is a quarter one half?
If you have a minute, ask for seconds.
If 25 is 6 to 4, is a quarter one half?If you have a minute, ask for seconds.
"Please sir may I have another".
Dear Jack,
How do you butter a frog?
Dear Soon-to-be Frog Butterer,
Buttering a frog is tricky business. First you must remove the frog from whichever basement it is dwelling in at the moment. Next, you must become a fan of said frog's work. (They really like that.) Then, give the frog a mojita, letting it take effect. Repeat.
Soon, the frog will be tenderized to the point where you can butter it. Lou Rawl's music can help, if used in moderation.
I prefer cinnamon butter on my frogs, but feel free to try a variety of flavors.
Start with the frog's back and gently massage the butter into its tiny muscles, taking care not to get any butter in its eyes. Carefully work on its arms. Slowly. It's OK if you rip off the legs. Frogs don't use them to draw.
If you really like the frog you can give it a kiss.
Good luck with this delicate operation.
- Jack Hammer
"Please sir may I have another".If 25 is 6 to 4, is a quarter one half?If you have a minute, ask for seconds.
*smacks Sen. Joe*
60 seconds in a minute, you dufus.
If 25 is 6 to 4, is a quarter one half?
*smacks Xabulba*
Jacks measure in pints, quarts, gallons, casks and kegs!
Dear Soon-to-be Frog Butterer,
Buttering a frog is tricky business. First you must remove the frog from whichever basement it is dwelling in at the moment. Next, you must become a fan of said frog's work. (They really like that.) Then, give the frog a mojita, letting it take effect. Repeat.
Soon, the frog will be tenderized to the point where you can butter it. Lou Rawl's music can help, if used in moderation.
I prefer cinnamon butter on my frogs, but feel free to try a variety of flavors.
Start with the frog's back and gently massage the butter into its tiny muscles, taking care not to get any butter in its eyes. Carefully work on its arms. Slowly. It's OK if you rip off the legs. Frogs don't use them to draw.
If you really like the frog you can give it a kiss.
Good luck with this delicate operation.
That didn't sound bad at all until you got to the leg-ripping part.
Dear Jack,
How can we undead get more brains to eat?
PS: *punts poodle*
So much for the truce.
Dear Jack,
How can we undead get more brains to eat?
Dear Casper,
Try the poodles. Nah, scratch that.
Peasants? Nope. Lost cause.
Heck, if you ghosts don't have enough brains to eat how did you have enough brains to type this letter? Sheesh! Who forgets how to eat?!
*tries to punt ghost, but boot goes right thru*
*switches to a force attack and farts*
Buttering a frog is tricky business. First you must remove the frog from whichever basement it is dwelling in at the moment. Next, you must become a fan of said frog's work. (They really like that.) Then, give the frog a mojita, letting it take effect. Repeat.
Soon, the frog will be tenderized to the point where you can butter it. Lou Rawl's music can help, if used in moderation.
I prefer cinnamon butter on my frogs, but feel free to try a variety of flavors.
Start with the frog's back and gently massage the butter into its tiny muscles, taking care not to get any butter in its eyes. Carefully work on its arms. Slowly. It's OK if you rip off the legs. Frogs don't use them to draw.
Oui, oui! Zhees ees a good way to do eet, mon amis!
PS: *punts poodle*So much for the truce.
*Pats CF*
That's OK. That poodle secretly told me to punt it.
So much for the truce.
*Pats CF*
That's OK. That poodle secretly told me to punt it.
{continues pointing ACME Suggest-O-Tron at Jack Hammer} You know, CourtFool likes to be punted too! All non-Frenchie poodles like ze punting.
{continues pointing ACME Suggest-O-Tron at Jack Hammer} You know, CourtFool likes to be punted too! All non-Frenchie poodles like ze punting.So much for the truce.
*Pats CF*
That's OK. That poodle secretly told me to punt it.
I bet kitties like punting too! *punts Miss Kitty* Sorry JH for getting in the way of your job. I couldn't help myself.
Bella Sara Charter Superscriber
|
Dear Jack,
Do you ever feel overshadowed by your much richer, much better looking older brother Jack, of Jack-in-the-Box fame, who runs a wildly successful chain of fast food restaurants and is married to a super model? Have you ever considered that you aren't worthy of sharing his name and that maybe you should just check yourself into an insane asylum?
Also, WTF is that stench emenating from you?
Best,
Sebastian
P.S.
LOSER!
{continues pointing ACME Suggest-O-Tron at Jack Hammer} You know, CourtFool likes to be punted too! All non-Frenchie poodles like ze punting.So much for the truce.
*Pats CF*
That's OK. That poodle secretly told me to punt it.
I bet kitties like punting too! *punts Miss Kitty* Sorry JH for getting in the way of your job. I couldn't help myself.
It's OK. There's enough punting for all the Jacks.
How can we find a Super Walmart while we're out at sea?
Dear Jack,
Do you ever feel overshadowed by your much richer, much better looking older brother Jack, of Jack-in-the-Box fame, who runs a wildly successful chain of fast food restaurants and is married to a super model? Have you ever considered that you aren't worthy of sharing his name and that maybe you should just check yourself into an insane asylum?
Also, WTF is that smell emenating from you?
Best,
SebastianP.S.
** spoiler omitted **
Dear Sebastian,
Unlike other, lesser, beings a Jack celebrates the success of his brothers and sisters. When one Jack succeeds we all do.
Speaking of names, are there any pony riders of note named Jack?
The smell of success my friend. The smell of success. Apparently you don't recognize it.
- Jack Hammer
How can we find a Super Walmart while we're out at sea?
Err...mapquest?
Next!
Dear Jack,
I have all this ginger beer and Black Seal rum. What should I do?
- Lonely and Trapped
Dear Jack,
I have all this ginger beer and Black Seal rum. What should I do?
- Lonely and Trapped
Dear Lonely and Trapped,
Why, make Dark and Stormies of course! What time should we be over?
- Thirsty Jack
Dear Jack,
Where can I find a never ending barrel of rum?
Running Bull
Ahh, Running Bull,
The quest for the never ending barrel of rum has been ongoing for many years. Its mystery is steeped in lore. It is said that only the pure of heart can find such a thing, but the Jack know this to be false. This secret must be guarded at all cost, but you seem to be a trustworthy avatar.
You can find a never ending barrel of rum by [CENSORED] and proceeding to [REDACTED] where you must [OMITTED IN COMPLIANCE WITH NSA ARTICLE #_______].
Hopefully this will help you touch your dream. (And hopefully the PostMonster doesn't withhold this information from you.)
Happy Drinking,
- Jack
