I'm all in favour of trying a shoanti girl - can I recommend her with a side of firepelt cougar chops and some cinderweed salad - tis the Belkzen recipe of the month.
I call your bluff. Orcs don't eat salad. Nor do they cook beyond the "put it on the fire until it is charred" type of "cooking".
For true thrill seeking try one of our females - she'll put hair on your chest manling.
Nah. I've been told they taste awful.
I'm all in favour of trying a shoanti girl - can I recommend her with a side of firepelt cougar chops and some cinderweed salad - tis the Belkzen recipe of the month.I call your bluff. Orcs don't eat salad. Nor do they cook beyond the "put it on the fire until it is charred" type of "cooking".
Busted. In truth I'm a half-orc... [damn my human breeding and salad eating molars!]
In defence of our cooking we here in Belkzen do tenderise our meat - with hammers, maces and clubs... and we gave the world the delicacy of Cockatrice Au Sang - see we're not total savages... yet.
Nah. I've been told they taste awful.
For true thrill seeking try one of our females - she'll put hair on your chest manling.
See above - tenderising needed
Dear Ulgulanoth's hat,
This thread was moved into the archives as an eternal monument to its glory. We of the Skoan-Quah watch over such things to honor the ancestors and make sure they are never tainted with undeath. In this case, I will allow an exception and permit thread necromancy.
Ancrym of the Skoan-Quah
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Dear ask a Shoanti,
I don't know whether you're the right guy to ask this, but I have nowhere else to go, and so I'll just go and ask you!
I'm in a serious moral conundrum: I recently took out a hit on some successful but fatally scrupulous merchant. The agreed-on compensation was 3000 gold pieces.
But when I later opened the bag, it turned out to be 3000 platinum pieces! Just in case these civilised currencies are unknown to you: That's 10 times as much as the asking price! He certainly didn't overpay me by that much intentionally.
So you can surely understand the dilemma I am in: Do I need to share with my guild?
Dear ask a Shoanti,
I always suspected that your letters are fake. That is, until I met a young Tien schoolgirl...
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Dear Ulgulanoth's hat,
This thread was moved into the archives as an eternal monument to its glory. We of the Skoan-Quah watch over such things to honor the ancestors and make sure they are never tainted with undeath. In this case, I will allow an exception and permit thread necromancy.
Ancrym of the Skoan-Quah
BEHOLD! THE UNTHREAD! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
Dear Ulgulanoth's hat,
This thread was moved into the archives as an eternal monument to its glory. We of the Skoan-Quah watch over such things to honor the ancestors and make sure they are never tainted with undeath. In this case, I will allow an exception and permit thread necromancy.
Ancrym of the Skoan-Quah
i didn't say anything...
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I thought Geb ran off with Arazni and made her his 'Harlot Queen'?
Why do you need to worry about anniversaries?
Ah, Geb and his wacky wife-swapping fantasies! Seriously, the man's mired in the disco era. No one says anything about his throne-room disco ball and gaudy sequined robes, but they go on and on about his alleged "Harlot-Queen".
Honestly, you can't believe everything you read in the Pathfinder Chronicles. You mortals are forgetting the time Geb claimed to have the dowager Empress of Taldor over for an orgiastic game of twister or the letters he keeps publishing under false names, sharing supposed romps with Tien schoolgirls and Ulfen trance priestesses.
"Harlot-Queen"? Really? Arazni stops by for a few hands of whist every few months, that's all. I'd better talk to her: She needs to stop putting up with this sort of behavior.
I thought Geb ran off with Arazni and made her his 'Harlot Queen'?
Why do you need to worry about anniversaries?Ah, Geb and his wacky wife-swapping fantasies! Seriously, the man's mired in the disco era. No one says anything about his throne-room disco ball and gaudy sequined robes, but they go on and on about his alleged "Harlot-Queen".
Honestly, you can't believe everything you read in the Pathfinder Chronicles. You mortals are forgetting the time Geb claimed to have the dowager Empress of Taldor over for an orgiastic game of twister or the letters he keeps publishing under false names, sharing supposed romps with Tien schoolgirls and Ulfen trance priestesses.
"Harlot-Queen"? Really? Arazni stops by for a few hands of whist every few months, that's all. I'd better talk to her: She needs to stop putting up with this sort of behavior.
Serious case of groove-envy!
Dear Ask a Shoanti,
Why not Ask Two Shoantis ?
Hungry in Hoarwood.
Dear Hungry,
Because if the two Shoanti disagree about the answer, you wouldn't want to fall victim to the ensuing collateral damage.
Ancrym of the Skoan-Quah
Dear ask a Shoanti,
I don't know whether you're the right guy to ask this, but I have nowhere else to go, and so I'll just go and ask you!
I'm in a serious moral conundrum: I recently took out a hit on some successful but fatally scrupulous merchant. The agreed-on compensation was 3000 gold pieces.
But when I later opened the bag, it turned out to be 3000 platinum pieces! Just in case these civilised currencies are unknown to you: That's 10 times as much as the asking price! He certainly didn't overpay me by that much intentionally.
So you can surely understand the dilemma I am in: Do I need to share with my guild?
Dear Jarod,
A Shoanti war-leader, or "Jothka," usually bestows the spoils of war on his warriors to reward their loyalty and bravery. Only the strong can afford to be generous. Only the weak pay tribute. Do not "share" with your guild. Either pay tribute like a Chelaxian slave or buy the loyalty of your comrades and seize power for yourself.
Generously,
Ancrym of the Skoan-Quah
Dear ask a Shoanti,
I don't know whether you're the right guy to ask this, but I have nowhere else to go, and so I'll just go and ask you!
I'm in a serious moral conundrum: I recently took out a hit on some successful but fatally scrupulous merchant. The agreed-on compensation was 3000 gold pieces.
But when I later opened the bag, it turned out to be 3000 platinum pieces! Just in case these civilised currencies are unknown to you: That's 10 times as much as the asking price! He certainly didn't overpay me by that much intentionally.
So you can surely understand the dilemma I am in: Do I need to share with my guild?
Dear Jarod,
A Shoanti war-leader, or "Jothka," usually bestows the spoils of war on his warriors to reward their loyalty and bravery. Only the strong can afford to be generous. Only the weak pay tribute. Do not "share" with your guild. Either pay tribute like a Chelaxian slave or buy the loyalty of your comrades and seize power for yourself.
Generously,
Ancrym of the Skoan-Quah
Dear Jarod,
Whilst common wisdom in some circles is never to look a gift-horse in the mouth - since even a gift-horse with bad teeth is still a horse - it is also common wisdom in other circles to check with the tribal shaman to make sure that apparent platinum pieces are not copper pennies disguised with cheap illusion magic. The difference in value between three thousand pieces of copper and three thousand pieces of gold is often sufficient to get a second-rate student at one of the Inner Sea's wizardry colleges to work a few glamers and still have change left over for several nights boozing out on the town.Yours,
Ask a Succubus.
Dear Ask A Shoanti,
Along one of our more recent adventures, my party and I came across a village in need of our assistance, a woman spoke for them. In the few short moments that we spoke to this woman, she started to... change. We believed her to be a village elder, but the more she spoke she revealed herself to be just another old crone, before we finally realized she was actually some sort of toothless hag! Is this some sort of disease, like leprosy? Or should we just stop meeting strange women in small village bars?
3-Legged Coyote
Dear ask a Shoanti.
I am a minkan demigoddess of all things feline and dislike my domain. i have been around for 3,631 years (and have looked like a minkan child all this time too) and seek a promotion in the divine heirarchy. how do i get one?
Shuriken Nekogami
P.S. i like the advantages of faking childhood, but i dislike the disadvantages. how do i get the good stuff without the bad?
Dear ask a Shoanti.
I am a minkan demigoddess of all things feline and dislike my domain. i have been around for 3,631 years (and have looked like a minkan child all this time too) and seek a promotion in the divine heirarchy. how do i get one?
Shuriken Nekogami
P.S. i like the advantages of faking childhood, but i dislike the disadvantages. how do i get the good stuff without the bad?
Dear Godling:
Two words: Divine Wraith. Join a Shoanti tribe, and beat the respect you deserve out of those who think otherwise. Seriously, just bang a few of your head priests heads together until they get the picture.
I am a Minkan demigoddess of all things feline and dislike my domain. I have been around for 3,631 years (and have looked like a Minkan child all this time too) and seek a promotion in the divine heirarchy. How do I get one?
I suggest that you broaden your portfolio by taking over unattended areas further outside mortal spheres. While cute kitten goddesses seldom get respect, cute UNDEAD kitten goddesses are much harder to underestimate. Find some sort of neglected undead, beef them up with feline fury, and teach the mortal realms a new kind of fear! When cute little kitty mummies swarm through the land, using unmannered mortals as scratching posts, the people come crawling, begging the forgiveness of the queen of dessicated kitties.
P.S.: I like the advantages of faking childhood, but I dislike the disadvantages. How do I get the good stuff without the bad?
Again, adopting an undead theme is just the ticket! Cute, juvenile, and disgustingly undead? That's a combo no one can ignore!
And in that spirit:
A nod to your future glory
Dear Ask A Shoanti,
Along one of our more recent adventures, my party and I came across a village in need of our assistance, a woman spoke for them. In the few short moments that we spoke to this woman, she started to... change. We believed her to be a village elder, but the more she spoke she revealed herself to be just another old crone, before we finally realized she was actually some sort of toothless hag! Is this some sort of disease, like leprosy? Or should we just stop meeting strange women in small village bars?
3-Legged Coyote
Dear 3-Legged Coyote,
Clearly SHE didn't gnaw your leg off.
Ancrym of the Skoan-Quah
Dear ask a Shoanti.
I am a minkan demigoddess of all things feline and dislike my domain. i have been around for 3,631 years (and have looked like a minkan child all this time too) and seek a promotion in the divine heirarchy. how do i get one?
Shuriken Nekogami
P.S. i like the advantages of faking childhood, but i dislike the disadvantages. how do i get the good stuff without the bad?
Dear S. N.,
I suggest it may be time for your rite of passage. You'll get no respect until you can prove yourself as an adult. I have fond memories of my rite of passage: entering the pitch-black cave, crawling forward on my belly hundreds of yards into the depths of the earth along a tunnel I could barely squeeze through, facing the terrors that lurked in the lightless chambers beyond, and re-emerging into the light with the skull of my totem animal as an adult.
But what kind of rite of passage would be suitable for a demigoddess? My first thought was for you to undertake a spirit journey, but, being a spirit yourself, it might be a little pointless. Perhaps a better rite of passage would be to slay a rival deity--perhaps the dog god--in single combat and claim its portfolio for yourself. Think big! Why settle for just felines, when you could be the goddess of house pets of ALL kinds?
Ancrym of the Skoan-Quah
P.S. Faking childhood is an exercise in weakness. It's much better to be an adult. Adults get to eat our enemies' still-beating hearts before our dinner if we want to.
Dear ask a Shoanti.
I am a minkan demigoddess of all things feline and dislike my domain. i have been around for 3,631 years (and have looked like a minkan child all this time too) and seek a promotion in the divine heirarchy. how do i get one?
Shuriken Nekogami
P.S. i like the advantages of faking childhood, but i dislike the disadvantages. how do i get the good stuff without the bad?
Dear S. N.,
I suggest it may be time for your rite of passage. You'll get no respect until you can prove yourself as an adult. I have fond memories of my rite of passage: entering the pitch-black cave, crawling forward on my belly hundreds of yards into the depths of the earth along a tunnel I could barely squeeze through, facing the terrors that lurked in the lightless chambers beyond, and re-emerging into the light with the skull of my totem animal as an adult.
But what kind of rite of passage would be suitable for a demigoddess? My first thought was for you to undertake a spirit journey, but, being a spirit yourself, it might be a little pointless. Perhaps a better rite of passage would be to slay a rival deity--perhaps the dog god--in single combat and claim its portfolio for yourself. Think big! Why settle for just felines, when you could be the goddess of house pets of ALL kinds?
Ancrym of the Skoan-Quah
P.S. Faking childhood is an exercise in weakness. It's much better to be an adult. Adults get to eat our enemies' still-beating hearts before our dinner if we want to.
Dear S.N. and A.M.,
The Dog God is hardly a rival of the Cat Goddess.
I would suggest something more appropriate, like a Rat God or Snake God. This will give you a more suitable challenge and will prove your worth to your unworthy followers.
I will try to slay all 3.
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Dear ask a Shoanti.
I am a minkan demigoddess of all things feline and dislike my domain. i have been around for 3,631 years (and have looked like a minkan child all this time too) and seek a promotion in the divine heirarchy. how do i get one?
Shuriken Nekogami
P.S. i like the advantages of faking childhood, but i dislike the disadvantages. how do i get the good stuff without the bad?
Dear Demigoddess,
I am unclear why with sphinxes, several forms of lamia, and a variety of tigers and lions technically in your purview you dislike your feline domain, unless you happen to be more of a dog person or are sick to death with those sphinxes bothering you about riddles all day long.As to your other problems, I would recommend that you get in touch with the so called 'child goddess' of the Styric pantheon, Aphrael, to compare notes; a pair of terrestrial chroniclers known as David and Leigh Eddings have covered some of the activities in which she engages.
Yours,
Ask a Succubus.
Dear ask a Shoanti.
I am a minkan demigoddess of all things feline and dislike my domain. i have been around for 3,631 years (and have looked like a minkan child all this time too) and seek a promotion in the divine heirarchy. how do i get one?
Shuriken Nekogami
P.S. i like the advantages of faking childhood, but i dislike the disadvantages. how do i get the good stuff without the bad?
Dear Demigoddess,
I am unclear why with sphinxes, several forms of lamia, and a variety of tigers and lions technically in your purview you dislike your feline domain, unless you happen to be more of a dog person or are sick to death with those sphinxes bothering you about riddles all day long.
As to your other problems, I would recommend that you get in touch with the so called 'child goddess' of the Styric pantheon, Aphrael, to compare notes; a pair of terrestrial chroniclers known as David and Leigh Eddings have covered some of the activities in which she engages.Yours,
Ask a Succubus.
i realized it is not the feline domain i dislike. i just got tired of those sphinxes pestering me with riddles. i kind of overexxagerrated my problems. the next sphinx who does this to me, i will turn him or her into a undead Rhakshasa. and i really want some respect. my worshippers will respect me, or else they will suffer extreme pain. i have been patient for too long.
Dear Goddess,
If you really want to advance in the divine hierrachy, follow the path of some of your elder sisters : you must recruit believers to gain divine power.
Then, make more appearances in public, work on your moe aspect and convince Mrs Anna Wintour tht nekomimi is the top fashion accessory of the next 5 years ...
i will not only work on my moe aspect and convince people that nekomimi is the top fashion acessory for the next 5 years. i will also drop a malificent undead rakshasa cub on the door of everyone who refuses to worship me after those 5 years have passed. if you wish not to have a malificent undead rakshasa cub at your front door, you must paint your door panel with the blood of chiwawas and other small dogs and wear an approved nekomimi hat on the winter solstice of 2015. oh yeah, females have to wear "A Grade" or better Zettai Ryouiki too.
Dear S. N.,
If it's all the same, I'll prefer the undead rakshasa cub. I've never heard of a Shoanti domesticating one of those, so I'll be the first in my quah to have one.
Eagerly,
Ancrym of the Skoan-Quah
Dear S. N.,
If it's all the same, I'll prefer the undead rakshasa cub. I've never heard of a Shoanti domesticating one of those, so I'll be the first in my quah to have one.
Eagerly,
Ancrym of the Skoan-Quah
if you really want an Undead Rakshasa cub. i will give you one on the winter solstice of 2015. how does that sound? become one of my clerics and you will get one that won't try to eat you.
if you really want an Undead Rakshasa cub. i will give you one on the winter solstice of 2015. how does that sound? become one of my clerics and you will get one that won't try to eat you.
While here in Belkzen we're more likely to eat that manky little catnip [with a nice gnome plums sauce]
Yours hungrily
Axe A Shoanti
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it is also common wisdom in other circles to check with the tribal shaman to make sure that apparent platinum pieces are not copper pennies disguised with cheap illusion magic.
First thing I check. Standard procedure?
Ever heard of the guy who tried to pass me copper for gold?
No?
Neither did anyone else ever again.
Dear Ask A Shoanti,
Along one of our more recent adventures, my party and I came across a village in need of our assistance, a woman spoke for them. In the few short moments that we spoke to this woman, she started to... change. We believed her to be a village elder, but the more she spoke she revealed herself to be just another old crone, before we finally realized she was actually some sort of toothless hag! Is this some sort of disease, like leprosy?
It could be the dread affliction called "sobering up".
I am unclear why with sphinxes, several forms of lamia, and a variety of tigers and lions technically in your purview you dislike your feline domain, unless you happen to be more of a dog person or are sick to death with those sphinxes bothering you about riddles all day long.
Spinxes are a bother. I had dealings with them. Drive you nuts.
It's not the riddles. It's more the leaving half-dead humans on your door-step or wordlessly commanding you to teleport them from A to B and then back and then back and then back and then....
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Dear Ask a Shoanti:
I am an Ulfin Barbarian from the Land of the Linorm Kings
Recently a Paladin Hospitlar Joined our group. She smelled gooood, and looked even better, So I fought her in a duel and won. Then I claimed her as mine. She is really good in bed and has incredable stamina. Who would have thought a Paladin could be good that way. The hospitlar gets a rise out of my little soldier again and again I cant count that high.
She went and shaved my beard and then cut my hair in a stylish Taldan fashion. Now she wants to dress me up in some Taldan Gentlemens little girlyman suit. What should I do.
Did I mention that she's really good in bed?
Using my rage for all the wrong reasons
Dear Ask a Shoanti:
I am an Ulfin Barbarian from the Land of the Linorm Kings
Recently a Paladin Hospitlar Joined our group. She smelled gooood, and looked even better, So I fought her in a duel and won. Then I claimed her as mine. She is really good in bed and has incredable stamina. Who would have thought a Paladin could be good that way. The hospitlar gets a rise out of my little soldier again and again I cant count that high.
She went and shaved my beard and then cut my hair in a stylish Taldan fashion. Now she wants to dress me up in some Taldan Gentlemens little girlyman suit. What should I do.
Did I mention that she's really good in bed?Using my rage for all the wrong reasons
Dear Captain Kondor,
This is "Ask a Shoanti," not "Penthouse Letters." Please keep your questions rated PG.
Zova Sky-Whisper of Shundar-Quah
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Dear Ask a Shoanti,
I am curious about the tattoos that are featured so prominently upon your bodies. I understand that it is a coming of age rite. I can also understand that you may be reluctant to share the mystical details, but I would ask what you can tell about them. Are they applied all at once or are they expanded all the time? What age is considered "mature" for receiving what appears to be very extensive artwork with incredible detail? Do you have any say in the style that is used or is it a divine manifestation guiding the shaman's hands? Does it hurt or are you given special substances to help with the pain?
I am sure I have more, but that will assuage the curiosity within me at the moment...
Regards,
Silverwulfe
Dear Silverwulfe,
The coming-of-age rites are deeply personal and have great cultural significance, and are not something we speak of with outsiders. They also vary slightly by clan. I will say that in the Shundar-Quah, there is not so much a fixed age, as a determination by the youth, parents, elders, and shamans that a young person is ready for the rites. This tends to be somewhere between the youth's thirteenth and sixteenth winter. The first tattoo is always given to the young person during the coming-of-age ceremony. The design of the first tatoo is chosen by the youth's spirit-guide, who is usually his or her shaman, but I cannot in good conscience reveal the process.
I will also say that bearing pain is a part of the Shoanti experience; the coming-of-age rites are part of that. Dulling the pain of ritual tattooing with strong drink, drugs, or magic would greatly diminish the spiritual significance, and is simply not done.
A Shoanti marks him- or herself with additional tattoos as a sign of accomplishment. It is thus an ongoing process. The more decorated a Shoanti is, the greater the extent of his or her accomplishments in life.
It is not my place to reveal more of these sacred rites to outsiders.
Zova Sky-Whisper of Shundar-Quah
Dear Ask A Shoanti,
Is there any tribe with a history of astronomical study?
Sincerely, Shoanti Astronomer
Dear Shoanti Astronomer,
The members of the Lyrune-Quah, or Moon Clan, prefer to travel and hunt by night. Consequently, they know how to use the moon, stars and planets to navigate and tell the passing of time. Tradition tells us that the Lyrune-Quah are particularly attuned to the mystical connections of the movements of the stars and how they affect migration of animals, seasons and growing cycles, and the depradations of the monsters of the Cinderlands.
Do they study the sky with telescopes and keep detailed written records of planetary conjunctions? No.
Zova Sky-Whisper of Shundar-Quah
Dear Ask a Shoanti,
how is your war effort against the evil chelaxian occupation force faring ? Do you need any Galtian help to share the cause and break the Shackles ?
Sincerely yours,
There's a Chelaxian army invading the Shoanti lands??
Where did you get this information? If it checks out, we'll need to send out some scouting parties and determine our next steps...
Zova Sky-Whisper
Dear Ask a Shoanti
How long have Shoanti been around?
Sincerely, Curious (if Bloody-Eyed) historian.
Our legends tell us that the Shoanti have lived on the Storval since before the Age of Darkness.
Zova Sky-Whisper of the Shundar-Quah
We know that Shoanti of both sexes shave their heads because of all the fire and close-quarters-combat, but do they also shave their legs? Or do they let the emberstorms take care of it?
-Curious In Kaer Maga
Desna's wings! Why all the personal hygine questions?
*sigh*
Since most individuals' body hair doesn't get terribly long, there's no tactical need to remove it. However, when accepting a new tattoo, any hair in the area of the design is shaved off, and most Shoanti keep it shaven to make the design stand out. We don't shave for fashion-- that's for Chelish fops and Taldan dandies.
The last time I was caught in an emberstorm, I didn't suffer any damage because I'd cast resist energy (fire) earlier in the day. It is quite unpleasant to get caught in an emberstorm unprepared, and is not a recommended method of depilation.
Zova Sky-Whisper of Shundar-Quah
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Dear Ask a Shoanti
I recently discovered some tshamek wandering through my Quah's domain. They claim to be on a journey to save the city of Korvosa from their queen's evil grasp.
I fear that they may be Chelaxian spies sent to assassinate our shaman. How can I be sure?!
Sincerely,
Eats-What-He-Kills
Dear Ask A Shoanti,
I've been researching so much for my Shoanti(Lyrune Quah) Ranger Barbarian, and I'm trying to find whether or not Lyrune Shoanti have low-light vision. Also, what books would you suggest reading to get the most out of my character. I'm really trying to go all-out on this character.
Sincerely,
Full-on Noob