The Angry Jack Cult


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Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
*Goes outside Jack's Clubhouse and yells out* I know you're listening KC. We have your uncle tied up. The Jacks want a 100 Grand or your uncle gets fed to our ape. Don't bother trying to teleport in or damage the Jacks' clubhouse. We have wards in place.
Too late. *Shoots another bolt*
*smacks KC in the chops*

That bolt's not magic! Psionics! Cost me a fortune!

Uncle Meepo, we gotta get outta here!


Dayum raht! Esmeralda ain't made o' money!


Mah Uncle Meepo wrote:

*Meepo leaps up, kicking one of his captors in the shin and grabbing his machine gun*

*Shoots at other Jacks*

You think that can hurt any of us? * Comes from behind and knocks Meepo through a wall.*


Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Mah Uncle Meepo wrote:

*Meepo leaps up, kicking one of his captors in the shin and grabbing his machine gun*

*Shoots at other Jacks*
You think that can hurt any of us? * Comes from behind and knocks Meepo through a wall.*

*Sends electricity at JRHM*

What does money have to do with it?!


Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Mah Uncle Meepo wrote:

*Meepo leaps up, kicking one of his captors in the shin and grabbing his machine gun*

*Shoots at other Jacks*
You think that can hurt any of us? * Comes from behind and knocks Meepo through a wall.*

*Sends electricity at JRHM*

What does money have to do with it?!

Diamond dust!

*Leaps up and shoots at wall*
*Runs back*
That's a bomb Ah shot!
BOOM


Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
*Goes outside Jack's Clubhouse and yells out* I know you're listening KC. We have your uncle tied up. The Jacks want a 100 Grand or your uncle gets fed to our ape. Don't bother trying to teleport in or damage the Jacks' clubhouse. We have wards in place.
Too late. *Shoots another bolt*
*smacks KC in the chops*

That bolt's not magic! Psionics! Cost me a fortune!

Uncle Meepo, we gotta get outta here!

Run all want you little pissants! You won't escape the Jacks!


Mah Uncle Meepo wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Mah Uncle Meepo wrote:

*Meepo leaps up, kicking one of his captors in the shin and grabbing his machine gun*

*Shoots at other Jacks*
You think that can hurt any of us? * Comes from behind and knocks Meepo through a wall.*

*Sends electricity at JRHM*

What does money have to do with it?!

Diamond dust!

*Leaps up and shoots at wall*
*Runs back*
That's a bomb Ah shot!
BOOM

Great work, Uncle! C'mon, let's get outta here!!!

*Leaps through wall*
Okay, we're outside. LET'S BEAT IT!!!


Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
*Goes outside Jack's Clubhouse and yells out* I know you're listening KC. We have your uncle tied up. The Jacks want a 100 Grand or your uncle gets fed to our ape. Don't bother trying to teleport in or damage the Jacks' clubhouse. We have wards in place.
Too late. *Shoots another bolt*
*smacks KC in the chops*

That bolt's not magic! Psionics! Cost me a fortune!

Uncle Meepo, we gotta get outta here!
Run all want you little pissants! You won't escape the Jacks!

Actually, we can!

*Teleports with Uncle Meepo*
Damn you Jacks! You won't get a copper!


Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
*Goes outside Jack's Clubhouse and yells out* I know you're listening KC. We have your uncle tied up. The Jacks want a 100 Grand or your uncle gets fed to our ape. Don't bother trying to teleport in or damage the Jacks' clubhouse. We have wards in place.
Too late. *Shoots another bolt*
*smacks KC in the chops*

That bolt's not magic! Psionics! Cost me a fortune!

Uncle Meepo, we gotta get outta here!
Run all want you little pissants! You won't escape the Jacks!

Actually, we can!

*Teleports with Uncle Meepo*
Damn you Jacks! You won't get a copper!

*laughs* Well done KC. However, you can't run from us forever. We will grind you to dust!


*Appears*
I strongly doubt that.


Jay Frogskin wrote:

*Appears*

I strongly doubt that.

Do I know you? You look familiar. What do you want?


Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Jay Frogskin wrote:

*Appears*

I strongly doubt that.
Do I know you? You look familiar. What do you want?

Nothing. I'm just the messenger.


Jay Frogskin wrote:
Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Jay Frogskin wrote:

*Appears*

I strongly doubt that.
Do I know you? You look familiar. What do you want?
Nothing. I'm just the messenger.

Then get out of here. *Kicks the gull and foot goes right through it* Wait a minute, You're that ghost of that bird aren't you? *backs up slowly*


Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Jay Frogskin wrote:
Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Jay Frogskin wrote:

*Appears*

I strongly doubt that.
Do I know you? You look familiar. What do you want?
Nothing. I'm just the messenger.
Then get out of here. *Kicks the gull and foot goes right through it* Wait a minute, You're that ghost of that bird aren't you? *backs up slowly*

Yes. Now my message is this: Attack OR threaten Kobold Cleaver or his friends and you shall have made a lethal enemy. Cease your attacks, NOW. Otherwise, you will be in great danger. Kobold Cleaver is very powerful, and his phylactery is very well-hidden. His Aunt is a high-level cleric. His Uncle is a high-level rogue. He is allies with Diswiker, and master of the slowly recovering Lemmings. cease this violence and foolishness.


Greetings fellow robots. This is me. Not someone pretending to be a robot lover... Robot Lover


Jay Frogskin wrote:
Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Jay Frogskin wrote:
Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Jay Frogskin wrote:

*Appears*

I strongly doubt that.
Do I know you? You look familiar. What do you want?
Nothing. I'm just the messenger.
Then get out of here. *Kicks the gull and foot goes right through it* Wait a minute, You're that ghost of that bird aren't you? *backs up slowly*
Yes. Now my message is this: Attack OR threaten Kobold Cleaver or his friends and you shall have made a lethal enemy. Cease your attacks, NOW. Otherwise, you will be in great danger. Kobold Cleaver is very powerful, and his phylactery is very well-hidden. His Aunt is a high-level cleric. His Uncle is a high-level rogue. He is allies with Diswiker, and master of the slowly recovering Lemmings. cease this violence and foolishness.

Ha! The Kobold is powerful, but he is not as powerful as the Jacks. Panama Jack's potions can overcome anything that group can muster. Besides, his uncle came into our house uninvited with a firearm and threatened me with a weapon. Since you're the messenger, tell him this: He leaves us alone, we'll leave him alone. If not,we will destroy him. The choice is his.


Jack Hammer wrote:
Greetings fellow robots. This is me. Not someone pretending to be a robot lover... Robot Lover

Nice to meet you Jackhammer. Beer is in the fridge if you need any.


Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Jay Frogskin wrote:
Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Jay Frogskin wrote:
Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Jay Frogskin wrote:

*Appears*

I strongly doubt that.
Do I know you? You look familiar. What do you want?
Nothing. I'm just the messenger.
Then get out of here. *Kicks the gull and foot goes right through it* Wait a minute, You're that ghost of that bird aren't you? *backs up slowly*
Yes. Now my message is this: Attack OR threaten Kobold Cleaver or his friends and you shall have made a lethal enemy. Cease your attacks, NOW. Otherwise, you will be in great danger. Kobold Cleaver is very powerful, and his phylactery is very well-hidden. His Aunt is a high-level cleric. His Uncle is a high-level rogue. He is allies with Diswiker, and master of the slowly recovering Lemmings. cease this violence and foolishness.
Ha! The Kobold is powerful, but he is not as powerful as the Jacks. Panama Jack's potions can overcome anything that group can muster. Besides, his uncle came into our house uninvited with a firearm and threatened me with a weapon. Since you're the messenger, tell him this:

I didn't say I was his. *Fades into smoke*


I say: KC and his crew just show no signs of going away, what-what?
Welcome Jack Hammer. Here, have a dark & stormy. And feel free to make use of our supply of PJ's Total Magic Block oils and lotions.


I diswike wotions.

Dark Archive

We diswike you.


Borg Jack wrote:
We diswike you.

I is immune to diswiking, because I diswike youw diswiking.

Dark Archive

Yes, but we diswike your diswiking of our diswiking...


Diswiker wrote:
Borg Jack wrote:
We diswike you.
I is immune to diswiking, because I diswike youw diswiking.

*Walks in*

There you are, Diswiker! What are you doing? Don't bug those Jack guys, they're insane. And don't 'diswike' their lotions! Those things are expensive!


Borg Jack wrote:
Yes, but we diswike your diswiking of our diswiking...

I diswike both youw diswiking of my diswiking of youw diswiking of Diswikew.

I diswike weaving.


Diswiker wrote:
Borg Jack wrote:
Yes, but we diswike your diswiking of our diswiking...

I diswike both youw diswiking of my diswiking of youw diswiking of Diswikew.

I diswike weaving.

I didn't ask you to--oh.

Well, come on Diswiker! Stop fooling around here!


Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Diswiker wrote:
Borg Jack wrote:
Yes, but we diswike your diswiking of our diswiking...

I diswike both youw diswiking of my diswiking of youw diswiking of Diswikew.

I diswike weaving.

I didn't ask you to--oh.

Well, come on Diswiker! Stop fooling around here!

Hmph. I diswike Jacks.

Liberty's Edge

Here, have a beer. I can promise that you will wike it.


Suddenly awakes from his slumbering, Jackin Ape waits for the invading Diswiker to be in position, then come crashing down on him with his enormous weight. Splat! He hands the flattened snake over to the Jacks, suitable for wearing as a belt or use as a mechanical belt.


Diswiker wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Diswiker wrote:
Borg Jack wrote:
Yes, but we diswike your diswiking of our diswiking...

I diswike both youw diswiking of my diswiking of youw diswiking of Diswikew.

I diswike weaving.

I didn't ask you to--oh.

Well, come on Diswiker! Stop fooling around here!
Hmph. I diswike Jacks.

Oh, come ON!!!

*Grabs Diswiker and drags him away*


*Seeing KC, the Ape flies into a murderous rage and begins pounding him with his honda-sized fists.*


Jackin' Ape wrote:
Suddenly awakes from his slumbering, Jackin Ape waits for the invading Diswiker to be in position, then come crashing down on him with his enormous weight. Splat! He hands the flattened snake over to the Jacks, suitable for wearing as a belt or use as a mechanical belt.

*When he realizes that Diswiker isn't wounded in the slightest.

I diswike apes.
*Jackin' Ape feels a sharp pain in his skull. While he is howling, Diswiker and KC teleport away*
*KC shouts as he disappears, "Sorry about that! He can get really ornery sometimes!"*


Oh mah. Wherever mah troublemakin' nephew goes, trouble follows.
*Walks in*
*Taps the ape* Cure diswiking. *The pain fades*
Sorry, fellas! Ya got on tha' wrong end of that one Diswiker guy! He's really a nice critter at hart!


*Pulls diswiker from his head fur, continues the hooting laughter that was mistaken for pain, and hurls the re-plumped snake at the aunt so that it wraps around her face and gags her mouth. Chases ijits off the premises*
WOO-OOO!


Jackin' Ape wrote:

*Pulls diswiker from his head fur, continues the hooting laughter that was mistaken for pain, and hurls the re-plumped snake at the aunt so that it wraps around her face and gags her mouth. Chases ijits off the premises*

WOO-OOO!

Well, Ah nevah! Sorry Mr. Monkey, Diswiker already leaft! AN' even if 'e 'adn't, wrappin' 'im 'round mah face would be a big mistake. You ain't a Jack, if'n Ah wanted Ah could grind you into a sticky paste with a Cure Laht Wounds. Now leave me 'lone, Ah was helpin' ya.


Hoots at demented, senile aunt who is trying to speak through a mouth full of snake. Continues "escorting" unwelcome guests off the premises, Jackin' Ape style.


Jackin' Ape wrote:
Hoots at demented, senile aunt who is trying to speak through a mouth full of snake. Continues "escorting" unwelcome guests off the premises, Jackin' Ape style.

Ah'm not tha one who's senile! Ask any o' yer friends! They saw Diswiker leave!

Now get yer 'hands off me! *Slaps ape*


Mah Aunt Esmarelda wrote:
Jackin' Ape wrote:
Hoots at demented, senile aunt who is trying to speak through a mouth full of snake. Continues "escorting" unwelcome guests off the premises, Jackin' Ape style.

Ah'm not tha one who's senile! Ask any o' yer friends! They saw Diswiker leave!

Now get yer 'hands off me! *Slaps ape*

Uh-oh... *Draws Cleaver, knowing that battle is probably about to start* Aunty, did you have to do that?


Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Mah Aunt Esmarelda wrote:
Jackin' Ape wrote:
Hoots at demented, senile aunt who is trying to speak through a mouth full of snake. Continues "escorting" unwelcome guests off the premises, Jackin' Ape style.

Ah'm not tha one who's senile! Ask any o' yer friends! They saw Diswiker leave!

Now get yer 'hands off me! *Slaps ape*
Uh-oh... *Draws Cleaver, knowing that battle is probably about to start* Aunty, did you have to do that?

Okay, sinc ethe Jacks haven't ascted yet, allow me to say something:

I do not wish for battle. I have neither the time nor the patience to fight the Jacks, and anyways I'd be badly outnumbered. However, some of my friends are still a bit moody about past happenings. For example, Diswiker. And my Aunt was trying to help you people when your baboon attacked her. But I'd rather not fight.


Jackin Ape begins inhaling. It sounds somewhere between an industrial vacuum and a jet turbine. His chest and upper body swell several times their normal size. Suddenly he stops, and all is silent. Then, projecting his mouth forward towards the verminous reptiles and leaning forward on his arms, he unleashes mighty winds, tainted with ape breath, blowing the pests off of the Jacks' lawn and into another thread.


Jackin' Ape wrote:
Jackin Ape begins inhaling. It sounds somewhere between an industrial vacuum and a jet turbine. His chest and upper body swell several times their normal size. Suddenly he stops, and all is silent. Then, projecting his mouth forward towards the verminous reptiles and leaning forward on his arms, he unleashes mighty winds, tainted with ape breath, blowing the pests off of the Jacks' lawn and into another thread.

Block windstorm!

Call. Off. The baboon! We will leave without his help!


Jackin' Ape wrote:
Jackin Ape begins inhaling. It sounds somewhere between an industrial vacuum and a jet turbine. His chest and upper body swell several times their normal size. Suddenly he stops, and all is silent. Then, projecting his mouth forward towards the verminous reptiles and leaning forward on his arms, he unleashes mighty winds, tainted with ape breath, blowing the pests off of the Jacks' lawn and into another thread.

It's ok Jackin' Ape. The Kobold is going to leave. *pats ape*


WOO-OOO!


Hey Jacks, should we make KC an honorary member already? He hangs around so much that he already has a coffee mug with his picture in the kitchen...

*stands with the honorary initiation baseball bat at the ready*


Frat Jack wrote:

Hey Jacks, should we make KC an honorary member already? He hangs around so much that he already has a coffee mug with his picture in the kitchen...

*stands with the honorary initiation baseball bat at the ready*

Not a bad idea. Let me get my bat too! *Goes to room and gets bat with spikes on it*


Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Frat Jack wrote:

Hey Jacks, should we make KC an honorary member already? He hangs around so much that he already has a coffee mug with his picture in the kitchen...

*stands with the honorary initiation baseball bat at the ready*

Not a bad idea. Let me get my bat too! *Goes to room and gets bat with spikes on it*

Wow! the Deluxe Honorary Member Bat? what did KC gave you? Is the Beer truck parking outside yours?

*turns copperly green with envy and goes to switch to spiked deluxe honorary bat as well*


I say, old chums, I think KC should only be allowed in if he has a Kobold Jack avatar, and stops bringing all his relatives and minions with him, except on open house days. I mean, rules are there for a reason, what-what!


Panama Jack wrote:
I say, old chums, I think KC should only be allowed in he has a Kobold Jack avatar, and stops bringing all his relatives and minions with him, except on open house days. I mean, rules are there for a reason, what-what!

Well, the relatives are surely annoying.... ;P


Panama Jack wrote:
I say, old chums, I think KC should only be allowed in he has a Kobold Jack avatar, and stops bringing all his relatives and minions with him, except on open house days. I mean, rules are there for a reason, what-what!

I agree. He needs to leave all those smelly redneck kobolds at home.


Frat Jack wrote:
Panama Jack wrote:
I say, old chums, I think KC should only be allowed in he has a Kobold Jack avatar, and stops bringing all his relatives and minions with him, except on open house days. I mean, rules are there for a reason, what-what!
Well, the relatives are surely annoying.... ;P

BTW, what happened to Llamafrog? He didn't warn us of the intruders.

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