Bar Fight!

[Vic Wertz]

Ok. So, Dungeon 150 has an article called "Bar Fight!," by one "James Lafond Sutter," which purports to be a bunch of "good" reasons why a "bar fight" might "break out."

I say, why does one need a reason to start a bar fight?

Further, if one does have a reason, does it even really count as a bar fight?

And yet still even more further, what the heck kind of name is "Lafond" anyway?

I demand answers, or I'll start chucking bottles.

[Chef's Slaad]

Vic Wertz wrote:

Ok. So, Dungeon 150 has an article called "Bar Fight!," by one "James Lafond Sutter," which purports to be a bunch of "good" reasons why a "bar fight" might "break out."

I say, why does one need a reason to start a bar fight?

Further, if one does have a reason, does it even really count as a bar fight?

And yet still even more further, what the heck kind of name is "Lafond" anyway?

I demand answers, or I'll start chucking bottles.

o.0

me mom was called Lanfond

ish you inshulting me mom?

[Sharoth]

~grabs a bar stool and hits Vic over the head~ And stay down! Damn drunk paizo people!

[F. Wesley Schneider]

Chef's Slaad wrote:

me mom was called Lanfond

Makes sense, it does sound like a girl's name. :P

[mwbeeler]

Vic Wertz wrote:

I demand answers, or I'll start chucking bottles.

When the City Watch arrives, you need someone to point a finger at!

101 Reasons for bar fights

1. Dog fighting match fixed with ringer young adult dragon polymorphed into a canine.
2. Booze accidentally watered down with Rage potion.
3. Bartender asks Barbarian, "Can't you read the sign!?!"
4. Elf tells angry farmer, "I thought she was 110, honest!"
5. A bleary-eyed half-orc exclaims, "Dwarves, aren't those just gnomes with beards?" or "Your mother was the Tarrasque!"
6. 24-7 all male review revealed to be glammered zombies.
7. Cursed? That sword isn't even magic. Show me!

Your turn!

[Andrew Turner]

F. Wesley Schneider wrote:

Chef's Slaad wrote:

me mom was called Lanfond

Makes sense, it does sound like a girl's name. :P

It's not a girl's name?

[Vic Wertz]

Sharoth wrote:

~grabs a bar stool and hits Vic over the head~ And stay down! Damn drunk paizo people!

Dude, you're totally my besht fren. I totally mean that. My besht fren. TOTALLY TOTALLY TOTALLY TOTALLY. Besht. Atsha funny word—besht. BESHT.

*hluuuuurggh*

Dude, I'm so shorry. I'll totally clean that. TOTALLY TOTALLY TOTALLY TOTALLY. Hey, dude—shtand shtill. Both of you, shtand shtill. You're totally both my besht... Um... dude? I don't feel sho good. I feel kind of—*klunk*

[Heathansson]

Sharoth wrote:

~grabs a bar stool and hits Vic over the head~ And stay down! Damn drunk paizo people!

(rabbit punches Sharoth in the back of the head)

Take that, fowl varlit!

[Lens Samaniuk...]

Heathansson wrote:

(rabbit punches Sharoth in the back of the head)

Take that, fowl varlit!

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

[Sben]

No crossbows, no crossbows!

[Heathansson]

mwbeeler wrote:

Vic Wertz wrote:

I demand answers, or I'll start chucking bottles.

When the City Watch arrives, you need someone to point a finger at!

101 Reasons for bar fights

1. Dog fighting match fixed with ringer young adult dragon polymorphed into a canine.
2. Booze accidentally watered down with Rage potion.
3. Bartender asks Barbarian, "Can't you read the sign!?!"
4. Elf tells angry farmer, "I thought she was 110, honest!"
5. A bleary-eyed half-orc exclaims, "Dwarves, aren't those just gnomes with beards?" or "Your mother was the Tarrasque!"
6. 24-7 all male review revealed to be glammered zombies.
7. Cursed? That sword isn't even magic. Show me!

Your turn!

8. "Barkeep. A round for the house--on me. (wait for it) CYKE!!!!!"

[Sharoth]

Heathansson wrote:

Sharoth wrote:

~grabs a bar stool and hits Vic over the head~ And stay down! Damn drunk paizo people!

(rabbit punches Sharoth in the back of the head)

Take that, fowl varlit!

~rubs the back of my head~ Where are the gnats? Did someone open the door? I think there are gnats here in this bar!

[Sharoth]

Vic Wertz wrote:

Sharoth wrote:

~grabs a bar stool and hits Vic over the head~ And stay down! Damn drunk paizo people!

Dude, you're totally my besht fren. I totally mean that. My besht fren. TOTALLY TOTALLY TOTALLY TOTALLY. Besht. Atsha funny word—besht. BESHT.

*hluuuuurggh*

Dude, I'm so shorry. I'll totally clean that. TOTALLY TOTALLY TOTALLY TOTALLY. Hey, dude—shtand shtill. Both of you, shtand shtill. You're totally both my besht... Um... dude? I don't feel sho good. I feel kind of—*klunk*

~sighs and grabs you by the scruff of the neck and drags you over to the window~ Are you ready to believe that you can fly?

[tdewitt274]

9. Inn Fighting, Preview
10. "Think you're a big shot? Choose your weapon. I choose my Five Fingers" (dang, where do I remember that from, Five Fingers being a band of thugs).
11. "I tell ya. That Asmodeus is really a nice guy!"
12. "I'll prove to you that waitress is a dude!"
13. "Nah, I'm serious. I must have left my coinpurse in my room. Let me get it..."
14. "Hey, how did you get 5 aces?"
15. "I wouldn't sleep with your sister even if she WAS a cow!"
16. "Just say it to his back. He's deaf! He'll never know!"
17. "Mind if I take your sister upstairs? I think I have a copper around here..."

[Phil Lacefield Jr.]

Sharoth wrote:

~grabs a bar stool and hits Vic over the head~ And stay down! Damn drunk paizo people!

Heyh! I reshemble that remark! An...an that'sh our IT guy you jusht took out there, mishter. You know how hard it ish to FIND a good IT guy theesh...theesh...

WHo boy I think I'm a gonna chunder.

*urp*

[Chef's Slaad]

Phil Lacefield Jr. wrote:

Heyh! I reshemble that remark! An...an that'sh our IT guy you jusht took out there, mishter. You know how hard it ish to FIND a good IT guy theesh...theesh...

WHo boy I think I'm a gonna chunder.

*urp*

~smashes Phil over the head with a bottle~

Take that you skirt-wearing hippy

~looks at bottle, then at an apparently unscathed phil~

oops... I mean, theresh nothing wrong wish a man in a shhhkirt, right [hic]?

[Molech]

101 REASONS FOR A BAR FIGHT

18 Someone stands and says, "Three cheers for WotC!!"

-W. E. Ray

[kessukoofah]

101 REASONS FOR A BAR FIGHT

19. "Why yes! I AM yet another morally ambiguous, two sword wielding drow? Why do you ask?"

that'd be enough to make me snap...in a vicious brutal way

20. "Trust me, your (mother/daughter/sister/cousin/wife/girlfriend) would look totally hot in this chainmail bikini."

21. "so there's 100% no chance this Tome on Aberrations is cursed, eh? and only 20gp? what a deal!"

22. "That's right bartender. Dispite the fact that I am currently surrounded by extremely masculine Dwarvin and Half-Orc sordiers drinking high quantities of imparing fluids, I would like a glass of milk...why's everyone looking at me? uh-oh..."

That one was actuallyused, word for word, and did spark a bar fight in a game I ran. If anyone was curious, the Warforged bartender drove the Elven Bard through a table, not over it, and then through the wall next to the door...ouch!

[Kirwyn]

Lessee here... *summons three fiendish skunks*

NOW we got a bar fight!

[Heathansson]

Sharoth wrote:

Heathansson wrote:

Sharoth wrote:

~grabs a bar stool and hits Vic over the head~ And stay down! Damn drunk paizo people!

(rabbit punches Sharoth in the back of the head)

Take that, fowl varlit!

~rubs the back of my head~ Where are the gnats? Did someone open the door? I think there are gnats here in this bar!

20. Some people just need their ass kicked in.

[mwbeeler]

22. Drunken priests begin "baptizing" everyone in the bar with their leftover grog.
23. An overzealous Paladin attempts to close the doors to this "den of iniquity."
24. Party of Dwarven Battleragers mistaken for males.

[Kirwyn]

What Heathansson said.

(why did my spell check decide that Heathansson should be spelled old man witherspoon?)

[Heathansson]

Kirwyn wrote:

What Heathansson said.

(why did my spell check decide that Heathansson should be spelled old man witherspoon?)

Because it's wise.

[Sharoth]

25. Does anyone have some sheep that my were-wolf friend here can eat?

[Heathansson]

25. It's good aerobic exercise.

[The-Last-Rogue]

26. Because there is nothing, and I mean nothing, like showing a inn full of drunk commoners what it really means to be an adventurer.

[Sect]

27. Because bashing someone over the head with a bar stool is a perfectly good alternative for roleplaying.

[Kruelaid]

28. Because after killing every humanoid in the last dungeon down to the woman and child, and after stealing all their gold pieces, you can afford to pay any bills and bail incurred during the bar melee.

[The Wandering Bard]

29. Because when the bard stands up, there's always a natural 1 on that perform check.

[terrainmonkey]

28. "Hey, Abelard, I dare you to call that half ogre over there a whimp."

[Heathansson]

29. "Gods, this whole village--what a feeble little craphole."

[mwbeeler]

Heathansson wrote:

29. "Gods, this whole village--what a feeble little craphole."

That's priceless!

I think we're actually on...34...now. Darn drunks, can't count! :P

Sooo...34. "What do you mean you're out of stools? Make the halflings share a seat, they're only half a person anyway!"
35. "Light the fireplace, it smells like wet human in here."
36. Brand new bar?!? Woooooo!

[Heathansson]

37. Paugh!!! This beer isn't fit to slop pigs with! Bring me something else, you cockeyed ninny!

[Kruelaid]

38. [spoken to the nearest adventurer chick] 4 ales wench!

[Heathansson]

39. I fart in your general direccion.

[Heathansson]

40) Your mother massages hobgoblins.

Badda bing....badda bang...it's on.

[logic_poet]

41) Well guys, I think I solved the mystery. The whole town must be a guild of assassins!

[The Wandering Bard]

logic_poet wrote:

41) Well guys, I think I solved the mystery. The whole town must be a guild of assassins!

42. And it really is...

[Heathansson]

44) Go get your shine box, Tommy.

[Phil Lacefield Jr.]

Chef's Slaad wrote:

~looks at bottle, then at an apparently unscathed phil~

oops... I mean, theresh nothing wrong wish a man in a shhhkirt, right [hic]?

/rubs_head

/glares_menacingly

Y'know, if thish washn't...washn't...if thish washn't a public forum, I might haffta...hey, lookit, little birdies, floating 'round my head.

Pretty birdiesh. C'mere and sit on mah finger....

*thud*

(Phil is now at -1 and unconscious on the bar floor, his kilt in disarray. You are stunned for two rounds if you are unable to avert your gaze, DC15 Fort save vs. nausea)

[Sect]

45. Because someone skipped number 43.

::glance, d20 + 4 = 10! Fail!:: Argh! Me eyes!

[Heathansson]

46) some guy tries the scam about peeing in the shotglass for real. The bartender doesn't "just laugh and take his 20 g.p."
And the guy he bet the 50 g.p. with sneaks away while the 1/2 orc bouncers unlimber their spiked clubs to "get medieval on him."

[Sect]

47. Because someone was selling Pathfinder #1 on the blackmarket, in the bar, before August 29th, and the sales manager of the big purple golem caught wind of it.

[Phil Lacefield Jr.]

GGRRRRRR.....

[Phil Lacefield Jr.]

(oh wait, I'm passed out and feeling a bit of a draft, never mind...)

[Chef's Slaad]

Phil Lacefield Jr. wrote:

Y'know, if thish washn't...washn't...if thish washn't a public forum, I might haffta...hey, lookit, little birdies, floating 'round my head.

Pretty birdiesh. C'mere and sit on mah finger....

*thud*

(Phil is now at -1 and unconscious on the bar floor, his kilt in disarray. You are stunned for two rounds if you are unable to avert your gaze, DC15 Fort save vs. nausea)

~grins like an idiot~

Ish true... my gods ish true

[Snorter]

mwbeeler wrote:

"What do you mean you're out of stools? Make the halflings share a seat, they're only half a person anyway!

48. Q: "How do you get 4 male elves to share a bar-stool?"

A: "Turn it upside down!"

Ho, Ho!

(sound of drawing steel...)

[Molech]

49} Boy, I can't wait for Dungeon 151!

50} Hey everybody, I'm here to announce WotC's releasing 4E!!

Three cheers for WotC

-W. E. Ray

[Fatespinner]

51. A half-orc barbarian loudly announces "I've been responsible for more half-elves than any nancy-boy bard! It's easy: you take an elf, give him one solid whack with your axe, and voila! Half-elf! HAHAHAHAHA!"

[Eyebite]

52. You walk over and begin urinating on the thuggish looking half-orc sitting at the bar. When he realizes what you're doing, you apologize and explain that since he smelled like an outhouse anyway, you just got a little confused.