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I used to say that having kids didn’t matter to me. Some people just don’t have kids and I would have no problem being one of those people. But I was never against having kids.
...
Both of my grandmothers miscarried, and it haunted them until the day they died. I'm f#%!in' sorry, man.
Damn...
And, in the light of Ungoded's last post, compared to my last "suck" post, I feel like a complete a@@+~~~. I need to learn how to shut up.
And, in the light of Ungoded's last post, compared to my last "suck" post, I feel like a complete a~**%!&. I need to learn how to shut up.I used to say that having kids didn’t matter to me. Some people just don’t have kids and I would have no problem being one of those people. But I was never against having kids.
...
Both of my grandmothers miscarried, and it haunted them until the day they died. I'm f#%!in' sorry, man.
Damn...
~smiles~ No. We like you the way that you are. Unfortunatly, there are nusances, there are troubles, there are sorrows, and there are disasters. All deserve their time and words. The trick is to know when to deal with what. However, keep on being yourself, since we would not want you to change.
Wow Ungoded, that really, REALLY sucks. I know that no one can really say anything to make you feel better but I'm really sorry to hear that. My condolences and well wishes go out to you and your wife.
It really puts all the little irritants in my life into perspective.
Ditto.
It really puts all the little irritants in my life into perspective.
Amen. It makes my troubles appear less troublesome.
Wow, dude, I totally felt how you did up until that part where you wife started feeling sick. My heart goes out to you. Pregnancy and childbirth and raising children are all terrifying because the emotional investments we make are so tremendous. I'm so sorry to hear that someone has to feel this kind of loss.
If anyone has something that sucks more, bring it, otherwise, let this thread rest in peace, brothers and sisters.
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Ungoded, I truly can feel your pain. My wife miscarried a little over a year ago and it was one of the most trying times in my entire life. (from a ex-marine that is one hell of a thing) Right now though she is 4 and 1/2 months along with my first child. (The doctor said that if he had to guess it was a boy via ultrasound) Anyway while the miscarriage sucked the chance that this one makes it is worth the risk. We are both so happy about it and looking forward to it. We have already picked a name if it turns out to be a boy. Kaden Joseph... Kaden because we like it and Joseph after my grandfather. All I can say it if you are able to. Try again. Just like Love losing it hurts like hell but to feel that again is worth almost anything. Still I do feel your pain and since I just told my wife about it we are going to go snuggle up.
I will probably be rubbing her belly at the same time.
Director of Game Development
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If anyone has something that sucks more, bring it, otherwise, let this thread rest in peace, brothers and sisters.
Give it time. Sucky things pop up all the time. They're just doing their part. If there is no sucky then there is no good. Remember, even happiness makes you cry sometimes.
Wayfinder, PaizoCon Founder
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My 2-year old suddenly came down with a fever on Saturday, and it kept rising through today. This isn't a big deal unless you happen to be immune-supressed. Which my son is, due to his heart transplant (2 years out now).
So....my wife just took him to the ER at Children's tonight....just like last year about this time. Spending Xmas in the hospital SUCKED. I am really hoping he comes back home for Xmas.
And now my life seems full of fuzzy bunnies and butterflies...
Ungodded, Titimus, wow, I just could not possably imagine the s~!~ you are going through. Especially Ungodded.
Honestly, children are the scariest and most beautiful things in the world. Reading about Ungoded, Damnitall, and Timitius' baby problems really makes my life seem easy.
Though, Shiny, I totally feel your pain. Its a weird boat to be in.
And now my life seems full of fuzzy bunnies and butterflies...
Word.
yeah, I feel for you guys and pray for you, well, best I can; stopped taking my depression meds and had a bad crash where life all seemed pointless; wow that sucked and is sucking; still not quite back up to par; taking them again, but it really sucks having plans for a nice weekend and all of it falls through; nothing like a sick kid though or any of that stuff. I find just trying to hang on pretty hard and strangely my life is going pretty good. So anyway; Depression sucks; its like a 30 HD gm spawned mob that sits on your 1st level character and makes playing pointless. Sucks to have to take drugs to feel like you used to normally; sucks to have to take drugs for your bloodpressure so you dont have a stroke; sucks to have to take drugs for you libido as those other drugs stop that stuff cold; some days I just wanna say; enough with the drugs; let me take life as it comes; sheesh, if only; doc says I will be taking this stuff probably for the rest of my life; what kind of crap is that; well; there you go; my rant on things that suck; but really, my life isnt so bad so I am confused and that sucks too.
hehe my friends and i all got together the other day and all mumbled how we weren't gonna curse anyone with a happy new year from us as it would probably wreck their year; hehe; usually you go to your freinds for some comfort; but the whammy has hit all my friends too; car accidents for a couple; lots of moms and dads in the hospitial; some for serious cancer; some for OMG but unknown reasons; some now need assisted living and some have on the job injuries so they cannot work; sure is nice to read the things in life that are good thread cause sometimes it all looks pretty bleak.
but then, I only have to look at my daughters to know that all in life is ok and worthwhile; I am not sure I could handle something bad happening to one of them; they are just so precious. Kids are so worthwhile; they will teach you how to love and give of yourself endlessly and be glad you did it. Sure is one of the best things to happen to me. I love being a dad and watching my kids grow and learn things and develop individual personalities; it is really undescribable.
according to the neurologist it seems likely that the damage from the head injury suffered 4 months ago is likely to be permanent. While I'm thankful I'm alive (per the Drs, had the impact been 2" either way I wouldn't be), it is frustrating not to be able to lay down, turn on my left side, look up or down properly, or focus to the level I could before. The symptoms are mostly annoyances, but when annoyances become permanent, they seem to increase the frustration level.
Best friend is living in the land of uncertainty our family visited a few months ago. He has 6 kids (and one on the way) and as of 2 weeks from now no job. He'll make it through, but it won't be much fun I suspect.
Lots and lots of work to get done to meet even basic expections and I seem to have little motivation to get it done in time. That's not a good thing. *sigh*
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Wayfinder, PaizoCon Founder
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An update: Well, our 2 yr old ended up spending the entire Xmas holiday thus far in the hospital with one of us parents. He came down with pneumonia in the lower lung, which apparently has no cough, but makes the diaphragm and abdomen hurt like a b**ch. At one point, I ended up begging the attending doctor to administer morphine because he was screaming so bad.
After a few days of morphine (to help him sleep) and antibiotics, he is much better now, and we are hoping he is discharged today so he can come home and open his presents. New Year's Day is the new Xmas, didn't you know?
My 2-year old suddenly came down with a fever on Saturday, and it kept rising through today. This isn't a big deal unless you happen to be immune-supressed. Which my son is, due to his heart transplant (2 years out now).
So....my wife just took him to the ER at Children's tonight....just like last year about this time. Spending Xmas in the hospital SUCKED. I am really hoping he comes back home for Xmas.
cool; glad things are better for you; thanks for sharing. My girlfriend just told me she wants to step back from our relationship; sigh, she has only been my GF for a week; are there any girls out there who are not headcases; sheesh, I hope we can work things out; she is such a great girl most of the time.
Somewhere out there is the perfect companion for everyone.
I realized the truth of this while discussing the…third(?) marriage of a friend, who explained he took her to a “Run what ya brung” night in his pickup for their first date because he stopped trying to be someone he wasn’t by then.
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What Heathy says is sadly true, which annoys me a bit about the subterfuge a chap has to indulge in to impress women. If you like a girl, don't show it! Odd psychology, but there it goes. And why? Well, let's get a bit Darwinian (this is my stupid theory - feel free to take it or leave it).
Out on the plains of Africa, a girl ape wants a tough ruthless man ape to father her baby apes, so they grow up tough and ruthless and so are more likely to survive than the nice, friendly apes who get the good food taken from them and the lousy sleeping places where the leopard is likely to get them in the night. Translate that into people in a modern context, women are programmed by biology to want a tough, ruthless guy to father their tough, ruthless children - the alpha male, so to speak. Of course, while he might be great genetic material to ensure that her children survive, he is also likely to be a bastard - he won't be interested in her welfare much, as he will be tough and ruthless enough to have his pick of the women who fall for his manly charms. He won't call much (if at all), he won't give her gifts, in fact he probably won't do anything much for her. And while the nice guy who does the nurturing, caring stuff for her will be appreciated for it, he is unlikely to turn her on much, as he is the equivalent of the nice, friendly ape who gets fatally outcompeted on the savannah.
This is obviously a generalisation. Things change a bit when you get into a serious relationship, when a woman is a bit more interested in having a guy hang around, and some girls are more into this than others. Yours sounded very into it - she really wanted you to show your bastard side or ship out, and you did the latter - whereas my wife, fortunately, is pretty easy going, which is lucky for this friendly ape. But even my wife said something along the lines that she was attracted to me because I seemed to the sort of guy who knew what he wanted and went out and got it (not really true, actually, but I had been chewed up a couple of times in the recent past before beginning with her, and I had belatedly made the realisation that I needed to be a bit more assertive) so it is something that needs to be borne in mind all the time.
Anyway, that's my theory - once I started applying it things began working well for me. Obviously, I don't want to offend any ladies reading this (I'm not sure how this would, but anyway...) - this is my experience, and it makes sense to me.
If I was to offer further advice - find someone nice, rather than someone a bit challenging like your ex. If you are looking for a permanent arrangement, which I suspect you are, the challenging types are just too much like hard work unless you genuinely are an alpha male. And don't be afraid to dump someone you aren't happy with - looking desperate is the biggest turn-off of all, and clinging on just to have someone - anyone - will probably fail anyway and wind up depressing. You should have chucked this girl when she started the "no kisses for a month" crap - it would not have made any difference in the end, and you would have felt more in charge and better about it. (Hindsight helps, of course, but this looked pretty inevitable anyway. And dumping a girl can be quite a liberating feeling if they have annoyed you enough.)
Well thanks guys; I talked to my sister who was a spinster for 36 years before she dated a guy who chased her for eight years; so she told me a lot of stuff so I understand better now about feelings of independance and all; I just cant help it; I am just a giving kinda guy and am not used to that making peeps uncomfortable; I just have to stop trying to be helpful I guess; just because someone has a backed up sink that doesnt drain and I can fix it doesnt mean I should, is nothing to me, but it is to her; wierd, but I am learning. hehe you dont date for like 15 years and the world gets all complicated behind your back. Why things like this are complicated are beyond me. Am gonna be less available; should help things out.
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Yeah, it's a real pain to do this if you are not used to it. I was basically girlfriendless for a very long period - most of my twenties, my "peak period" (sheesh) - until I painfully worked this out. You have been married for a long time, and it is a different thing entirely to hunting down a mate. I think what you need to do is (1) be a bit more comfortable about being tougher with women, while (2) retaining your essential niceness. I think it means being a bit less tolerant of BS when it is given, but not turning into a nasty guy. And, like I say above (3) is also critically important - find someone nice like you are who will appreciate it, not see it as weakness. They are surprisingly hard to find - after all, I suspect your ex-wife wasn't one of those either, and you married her.
Good luck, man - relax, it will happen. If I managed it, so can you. ;-)
EDIT: By the way, unblocking a sink can make you look manly, so don't knock it. Just don't put yourself out too much to do it.
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Out on the plains of Africa, a girl ape wants a tough ruthless man ape to father her baby apes, so they grow up tough and ruthless and so are more likely to survive than the nice, friendly apes who get the good food taken from them and the lousy sleeping places where the leopard is likely to get them in the night. Translate that into people in a modern context, women are programmed by biology to want a tough, ruthless guy to father their tough, ruthless children - the alpha male, so to speak. Of course, while he might be great genetic material to ensure that her children survive, he is also likely to be a bastard - he won't be interested in her welfare much, as he will be tough and ruthless enough to have his pick of the women who fall for his manly charms. He won't call much (if at all), he won't give her gifts, in fact he probably won't do anything much for her. And while the nice guy who does the nurturing, caring stuff for her will be appreciated for it, he is unlikely to turn her on much, as he is the equivalent of the nice, friendly ape who gets fatally outcompeted on the savannah.
I'm a complete jerk out here in metagame, and at the moment (though it's a recent occurrence), I'm being mobbed by females. Ergo, I'm inclined to believe you. I'm still confused as to why, though.
Thanks man, problem I am finding is that since I can do practically everything; girls get intimidated and feel like they cant contribute; so is something to ponder, they dont want to cook cause they thing I wont like it cause it may not be the full course meals I do and stuff like that. I am working real hard at trying to wait to be asked instead of offering. I dont really get nasty ever; peeps get nasty I just stop listening and do something else. Sounds like pretty good advice your giving, thanks.
Yeah, it's a real pain to do this if you are not used to it. I was basically girlfriendless for a very long period - most of my twenties, my "peak period" (sheesh) - until I painfully worked this out. You have been married for a long time, and it is a different thing entirely to hunting down a mate. I think what you need to do is (1) be a bit more comfortable about being tougher with women, while (2) retaining your essential niceness. I think it means being a bit less tolerant of BS when it is given, but not turning into a nasty guy. And, like I say above (3) is also critically important - find someone nice like you are who will appreciate it, not see it as weakness. They are surprisingly hard to find - after all, I suspect your ex-wife wasn't one of those either, and you married her.
Good luck, man - relax, it will happen. If I managed it, so can you. ;-)
EDIT: By the way, unblocking a sink can make you look manly, so don't knock it. Just don't put yourself out too much to do it.
It can be hard to get the ratio of hardass to nice guy down right, so don't bother. Just be yourself. Cutting through BS is a great skill to cultivate, but don't do it to impress the ladies, do it TO the ladies, and they will see you in a new light.
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EDIT: By the way, unblocking a sink can make you look manly, so don't knock it. Just don't put yourself out too much to do it.
I'm gonna start carrying a sink around with me so I can impress the ladies.
"Hey, what's that?"
"Oh, that's ...just my sink. Wanna see me unblock the drain?"
"Oooh, Shiny..."
He who cares the least wins.
Speaking only of my own experiences, I've never found that to be true. Though some women need challenge, anyone who has to deal with me is getting all the challenge they need.
There are lots of different kinds of people out there and I think you can choose from those who will honor you and accept your most childlike affections for them without judgement. I've always been honored, but then... I'm monstrous down below and I've got the advanced users guide for the thing. My friends tell me that's why it's been all wine and roses. Women can't be that shallow, can they?
He who cares the least wins.Speaking only of my own experiences, I've never found that to be true. Though some women need challenge, anyone who has to deal with me is getting all the challenge they need.
There are lots of different kinds of people out there and I think you can choose from those who will honor you and accept your most childlike affections for them without judgement. I've always been honored, but then... I'm monstrous down below and I've got the advanced users guide for the thing. My friends tell me that's why it's been all wine and roses. Women can't be that shallow, can they?
Yes, they can. But I think it's more because you're being yourself.
Honestly, I completely agree, Freehold.
To be oneself is very brave, and people admire it, even if it also makes your flaws show. If someone isn't loving you for yourself, but some bravado marinated version of the real you, you're not even being loved. That leaves you but a sad magician trying to trick the world into thinking you worthy rather than accepting your own worth and demanding the rest of the world do the same.
Take me for me or take a walk. (Not saying I won't compromise. I'm all about compromise.)
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I guess it's like this:
She says, "I don't think this is going to work because..."
So, by caring the least, you don't call her, hassle her, sit around thinking every song on the radio is about what a b@+&# she is. You move on. In doing so, you build character. You don't care, man. You got your own thing going. Build your masterpiece for peace, man. Get beyond love and hate, and live for the betterment of humankind. Get some action going on, man. Edgar Allen Poe might've gotten somewhere sitting around pining for some chick, but the rest of us have to suck it up and drive on, private.
But I do care just as much. When someone is new that's their chance to like me for who I am or go find some Marlboro Man to bother.
Once I'm in it. I am so in it. Mutual pining is ever so allowed. ;)
I'm afraid I don't suck it up like a private. But I do suck priva... er... nevermind.
Women like a self assured confident man, but even moreso they often need to feel needed. Hard to be feigning perpetual aloofness and convey how important someone is to you. But maybe you're speaking about "stand tough under certain conditions when your enduring an unfair sh!tstorm." With that statement, I agree entirely.
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I think the needed thing comes later. There's a difference between being needed and being the focus of a stalker. I guess I'm just talking about don't be all calling her and leaving messages all the time, just get on with your life.
There is a good side to what I'm saying, once I get past the tendancy to chestbeat.
It sounds like you've got a complex position and for me to ask questions about any part of it is to chance denying the legitimacy of your entire view. I trust the good intentions in all you say.
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I just had to replace my flat screen monitor with an old one in the closet. My flat screen was just the casualty of a NERF gun shootout between me and the kids. A NERF bullet center screen managed to kill the monitor somehow. Three more bullets center screen by a frustrated me probably didn't help matters either.
Bah. Wussy monitors.
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My son is 4 1/2. He's been playing street hockey with the neighbors' kids who look 9 or 10. My wife says he keeps calling this African American kid "that brown kid."
I don't talk like that at my house. He just says it as a description; he's 4 1/2 and doesn't understand any of that stuff. I have no idea what to do. It bothers me tremendously. He's kinda too young to explain a lot of stuff to. I don't know if I should go apologize, or let it lie--good intentions-->hell and what not...
I just had to replace my flat screen monitor with an old one in the closet. My flat screen was just the casualty of a NERF gun shootout between me and the kids. A NERF bullet center screen managed to kill the monitor somehow. Three more bullets center screen by a frustrated me probably didn't help matters either.
Bah. Wussy monitors.
I'm probably going to have to replace me freakin' video card. It spazzed out and I've yet to find a way to resurrect the damn thing. What really sucks is that it's only about a year old and I bought a pretty high end one.
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My son is 4 1/2. He's been playing street hockey with the neighbors' kids who look 9 or 10. My wife says he keeps calling this African American kid "that brown kid."
I don't talk like that at my house. He just says it as a description; he's 4 1/2 and doesn't understand any of that stuff. I have no idea what to do. It bothers me tremendously. He's kinda too young to explain a lot of stuff to. I don't know if I should go apologize, or let it lie--good intentions-->hell and what not...
My son and daughter both did that. They both grew out of it too. I think it just might be a kid thing. No harm meant. My kids also used descriptors instead of names if they didn't know or couldn't remember the kid's name. So there was: The brown kid, the fat kid, the kid with big teeth, etc.
Once my kids started seeing other kids of different races with regularity, and actually started remembering names, they quit using descriptors.