Hello all. I need advice and opinions regarding adding a new player to my game. More specifically, the wife of one of my buddies who I've been playing the game with for years. I know that she's never quite understood D&D or roleplaying, and that he at least wants her to give it a try.
What ground rules should I set, if any, beyond the normal introduction of the game to a new player? What would be expectations for her interactions, particularly with her hubby? Are there any clarifications I should be sure to announce prior to the first game session?
I'd like to make this work, if possible. Any suggestions or comments will be appreciated.
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Hello all. I need advice and opinions regarding adding a new player to my game. More specifically, the wife of one of my buddies who I've been playing the game with for years. I know that she's never quite understood D&D or roleplaying, and that he at least wants her to give it a try.
What ground rules should I set, if any, beyond the normal introduction of the game to a new player? What would be expectations for her interactions, particularly with her hubby? Are there any clarifications I should be sure to announce prior to the first game session?
I'd like to make this work, if possible. Any suggestions or comments will be appreciated.
My first suggestion is that if you are currently running a campaign, put it on hold for 2-3 sessions. That way the continuity isn't compromised by someone "testing out" D&D, deciding they don't like it and leaving. #2-Also you can do a low level module so as not to overwhelm the newbie with a lot of things to remember and the higher math of D&D.
#3-I would suggest doing a module with a clear sense of Good and Evil, without alot of tricky plot devices.#4-Make sure the group is ok with all this first. Ask each one, in private, how they feel about adding someone's spouse to the game.
#5-Try to make sure that the group is having a great time and encourage them to "ham it up" a bit.
#6-If you hook her, then you can start outlining the expectations of how the PCs should interact with each other and all the other rules. If she shows up to a game and is handed a laundry-list of rules on how to behave, she will probably be starting off with a negative impression of the experience and you will need to work extra hard to change that first impression.
The most important thing to remember is that this experience should be fun for her. The rest of your group is already there. They know what you can do. Make sure that she has fun.
That's all I got, hope it helps.
FH
Well, there are no special rules; just treat her same as everyone else and with the same respect you would give any player, if you guys are rude, crude and generally socially unacceptable, well, treat the new player better than your friends and treat with kid gloves; could take a few months or even years before that new player feels like part of the group.
That said, hehe not knowing your group non of this may apply, but here goes.
Limit gaming stories that some players tell over and over; this very much bores new players as they dont know the game; understand the setting, dont know the characters and have no idea what a player is talking about, this can be a major turn off.
Make sure the new player knows that this is a storybook character or a movie character that they are playing; none of the things that happen to the character are in any way directed at the player regardless of if the character is hit on, killed, mistreated, abused, glorified; whatever.
Explain the idea of a personae that the person is trying to create for the character they are playing and that they should try to stay true to that conception; it is a work in progress; often, it is good for a new player to act like a character from a book or movie and for the other players to encourage the new player to interact.
Stifle any comments from players like; your character wouldn't do that; instead; the gm should perhaps say something like; I reward character actions and roleplaying with experience points as your character develops and tries new things; please explain your characters reason for doing this to me the gm; if you do give roleplaying exps that is.
Explain that you are all there to have fun; if after an adventure or two; they are not having fun; you as the gm certainly want to know why so it can be worked out. Then again, if the new player is considered disruptive after a few games; you need to work that out gently also.
Big thing to remember is that if the new player gets frustrated and leaves, they are very likely to try to turn the older player who has been playing against playing and some times make it a the game or me situation by scheduling other family events during game time and making that player choose; this is all very ugly and I really hope you can avoid it.
oh; and if they are new to rpg's in general; encourage them to read the rules; spells, whatever, but it is not as important as playing; tell the person to try whatever they want and you as the gm will explain how it works in game mechanics; hehe this can be a great way to learn the limitations of the game cause some new players can come up with some really obscure and neat ideas that you will be like; hmm, how do I deal with this fairly.
but really, your just asking this questions suggests to me that your going to do all this stuff anyway and are concerned about your players so I think you will do fine.
was thinking back a year or so, the female Lords of the Boards posted back quite a while some ideas and listed some don't do's if a female is in your game, things like:
pick your nose, scabs or other areas of your body.
show up manly; ie have your players bath and wear clean cloths or use very good ventilation.
don't leer and stare at their body parts; yes this might be the first time that some of your players have seen a real live girl up close, but sheesh, this is someone elses wife, chill.
Burping, farting and such should be avoided unless she is that kind of girl also.
The room you play in if not playing at their house should be clean, ie vacuumed, wiped down, spills cleaned; ect.
This is about all I remember from the thread; am sure the girls will chime in if I left out something obvious.
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I would add that if the couple is having difficulty in how they let their characters interact, then there is no harm in creating characters with backstories that tie them together so that this interest in each other's welfare fits the in-character relationship. The most obvious way to do this would be a romantic interest between the characters. Then favoritism becomes not a hindrance, but a requirement for good roleplay.
Of course, if they are able to throw themselves into role well, that may be a non-issue. It's just an option to consider if they're having trouble being indifferent to one another.
The above suggestions are good ones, but personally I'd be finding out if the couple are going to get along at the game table. You need to ask your player if having his wife there is going to be a disruption. Are they going to bicker with each other? That's just about as bad as it gets, IMO. And as disruptive to a game as can be.
If you have been around the couple before and they get along well, have fun with each other, and are basically happy, then I think you're OK. A good way to judge this is to have a couples' game night (not D&D) and see how she behaves. Is she competitive? Is she a "sore loser"? Does she harangue her spouse or make belittling remarks? It's stuff like this you have to be on the lookout for with couples in the game.
As far as laying out rules, I wouldn't even bother with it. Her spouse knows them and will let her know. Definitely run a trial session or two that won't be too complex so she can get her feet wet and you also get a good idea of how she is going to fit in. Of course, if she doesn't, you're setting yourself up to lose her AND her spouse as a player and friend.
What Steve said x2.
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It's been my experience that a spouse who doesn't normally game is likely to either (a) be a fantastic role-player, independent of the system, or (b) be perfectly servicable, but more interested in spending time at the table rather than gaming.
Two of my gaming friends used to have spouseswho came over during the game and either knit or read, mostly so that gaming nights would still be "together time". Nobody much minded.
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I game with my wife about once a month. She only started gaming two years ago when I started up again. She is starting to understand the rules, and instead of me making her character, I am now at the point where I give her a list of options and she chooses the one she likes the best. Next game I will more than likely DM so she is trying to learn quickly. She gets along fine with the group so we have it pretty good. We are playing Shackled City and her character is engaged to genya (she is playing a male). She even converted to St Cuthbert for Genya (sorry, I don't know how to spell her name). She rolled a natural 20 on most of her diplomacy checks when her character started hitting on the cleric.
My character on the other hand ended up hitting on a female cleric henchman in the group (rolled a natural 20 diplomacy check when the DM asked if I wanted to roll to see if she even likes me:). As a sorcerer, I always have to cast 2 rope tricks when we rest. One for the 2 of us, one for the rest of the group.
My wife can play whenever we can get babysitters for the kids. I am happy it did not turn out like the horror stories of others. Only minor altercation is when in Shackled City, we ended up killing this wizard guide that was with us. We figured he wanted what we were after so we jumped him from behind and killed him in one high fiving round. My wife refused to have anything to do with it as he had yet to do anything wrong!!!
I think the actual adventure is important, too. If it is too weird it can make it harder for the new player to get a handle on things. Sure, if you've been playing D&D for years then things like extra-dimensional travel, sentient golems, mimics and half-warforged/half-dragon Dromite power-ranger/ninjas might be old hat, but to a new player, I suspect these things would be too weird and make it hard to really feel immersed in the setting. (I've played for over two decades and I still can't get into things like this).
I'd recommend starting with an adventure that is logical and internally consistent and that pulls in elements of fantasy that carry an almost storybook feel. Say, something like D0, Hollow's Last Hope. Roleplaying, Problem solving, wilderness travel, small dungeon crawl. It's got it all. That would be a great introduction to the game, IMO.
My hubby and I both played when we met each other, and the weekly games are in my home so I don't have to worry about a babysitter.
The only advice I can give you was already given by Fakey, just make sure she has fun. I know from my group, you are probably never going to get the guys to stop being guys ie. burping, farting etc. But as long as everyone is laughing or enjoying themselves, it really shouldn't matter, treat her like you would any other new player coming in.
Seriously, run her through D1 - Crown of the Kobold King. It's easy, relatively quick, involves saving children and is a LOAD of fun. THis isn't shameless self-promotion, I swear, it just popped to mind when I read this thread.
My ex-wife played D&D with us in an ill-fated campaign that only lasted a couple of months. I remember she played a dwarf female somethingorother, but all she cared about was her Stonecunning skill. I think she just liked using the word "Stonecunning!" as often as she could. Strange lass, that.
Hello all. I need advice and opinions regarding adding a new player to my game. More specifically, the wife of one of my buddies who I've been playing the game with for years. I know that she's never quite understood D&D or roleplaying, and that he at least wants her to give it a try.
What ground rules should I set, if any, beyond the normal introduction of the game to a new player? What would be expectations for her interactions, particularly with her hubby? Are there any clarifications I should be sure to announce prior to the first game session?
I'd like to make this work, if possible. Any suggestions or comments will be appreciated.
What they said plus :
Emphasize non combat encounter to begin with your short low-level adventure. Give her a pre-generated character involving no special rules (ranger, fighter). Avoid magic-users or classes who need to meet special conditions to be efficient (fighting with a rogue means to understand rules like tumbling, AoO, flanking and so on). And make it short. Two hours is a maximum in my opinion. If she likes it, she'd ask for more. If she doesn't you haven't lost too much time.
Bran
In RPGs no special rules apply for adding spouses to the game, introduce her/him to the game like any beginner (simple adventure, get the other players to behave etc). Sometimes the spouses turn out to be eager and good gamers, sometimes they get bored after couple of sessions...unfortunately in case of spouses the latter is more probable than the former, but it is worth a try :)
Otherwise lot depends on individual people, what kind of people they are. And at least RPGs, encouraging co-operation, are much better introduction than, say, board games one is supposed to win...
hehe Lady Lena, was just thinking that the guys in my group gross me out sometimes; heck we call one of them the spawn of nurgle, don't mean to threadjack, but I always like some girls in the group so I can get my friends to clean up a bit stop their behavior that should really be saved for a dark closet somewhere far underground.
Every problem my group has had in the last 2 years has been due to trying to include spouses that are a poor fit for the group.
One husband of a player just wrecked everyone's fun by talking over everyone else and generally being an ass. And one wife of a player made the game's flow slow down so much that our group came to the conclusion she was trying to sabotage the game by being deliberately obtuse.
The problem is no one wants to hear that their spouse is bringing everyone else down. And since they're so close to the source of the problem it's difficult for them to be objective.
My husband and I game together (we were both gamers before we met). In previous groups, we've games with couples that pulled it off fairly well, and couples where one or both members created some major issues.
I think one thing you should consider is, What sort of game does your group like? If your group is very cooperative and plays heroes, make sure the new member knows this, and explain why things like Evil characters and thieves who steal from other party members would be unacceptable. If your group likes intra-party conflict, make sure she understands this, and let her know how that usually works, that it isn't personal, and you probably still want to have the group take it easy on the new player at first.
And be sure to emphasize the sorts of role-playing that you want to see her emulate. If your games are heavy on story, and people play flamboyant characters who sometimes do hilarious stuff that causes problems for the whole group in accomplishing the current mission (but everyone thinks its fun), you should make sure she's got a good back-story, so she'll be able to get into the role-playing. If someone taking actions that basically sabotage the current mission would be unthinkable, make sure that your explanation of the game includes an explanation of what the group has already learned and what they're currently trying to accomplish - and make sure her new PC has good motivation for working with the group to accomplish those same goals.
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Wow. Lots and lots of really great advice here.
One thing that I would add would be to make sure that she simply observes the group a couple of times (assuming that this hasn't already happened). I feel that simple observation can eliminate a lot of issues before they even begin.
Otherwise, I really don't have much to add.
I'm in agreement with the "talk it over with the other players" - see how they feel about it. A rule that I have (and the hubby has the same one) is that veteran players are expected to help the new players with the mechanics of the system; roleplaying I try to encourage as a DM by my actions. Interested players I like to have sit in on a gaming session, so they get a feel for the game. I do allow questions from them, so long as it doesn't interrupt the flow of game. Something else I try to do with new players is give them options when their turn comes up - "You can attack X, or you can pull back and help Y, or you can go over to Z and try to get him from behind." That way, the player can see they have a choice of options, rather than being forced into a course of action.
The "don't play favorites" tip is important as well. I've seen a few games that soured because If they're new to the game, I do tend to go light on them, but once that introductory period is over, the gloves come off.
hehe Lady Lena, was just thinking that the guys in my group gross me out sometimes; heck we call one of them the spawn of nurgle, don't mean to threadjack, but I always like some girls in the group so I can get my friends to clean up a bit stop their behavior that should really be saved for a dark closet somewhere far underground.
We've been playing with out our regular girl ,we lost a pair of players (girlfriend/ boy friend) when real life intervened with a new baby. Just recently a new player, began bringing his new girl friend to the game, replacing another busy ex-player. She seems really enthusiastic, and took to role playing and gaming really quick and she's cute. But all our manors, including mine, have improved as well as the language.
The "don't play favorites" tip is important as well. I've seen a few games that soured because If they're new to the game, I do tend to go light on them, but once that introductory period is over, the gloves come off.
I think it is important to be lenient on new players. Even veteran players new to the table. You need to be carful tough and not seem easy. I spend a lot of time coaching new players on things I expect my players to know. But your right Lilith, that intro period should limited, even brief.
I'm jealous the guys in your gaming groups straighten up when there is a lady around, unfortunatly, all the guys in my group are related to me, there is no hope.
The women in our group (my wife and her sister) are worse than the guys when it comes to certain things. ;)
I'm jealous the guys in your gaming groups straighten up when there is a lady around, unfortunatly, all the guys in my group are related to me, there is no hope.
Siters and cousins just don't get the same courteousness’.
The women in our group (my wife and her sister) are worse than the guys when it comes to certain things. ;)
Like what?
Make sure she knows its just a game. My group (I'm the DM) includes my girlfriend, my friend, her girlfriend, and another friend. We have no problems, even with two cupples playing.
The important thing is that everyone is mature about it. Make sure she knows not to get mad if something her husband does negativly affects her. It's just a game and is all in fun.
As a side note I don't think you need to run this by your other players. Nobody should be turned away from role-playing because their husbands group thinks it's a bad idea.
The women in our group (my wife and her sister) are worse than the guys when it comes to certain things. ;)Like what?
Uh, this is a PG-13 site. ;) Suffice to say there is raunchy language and a few other things going on, especially lots of messing with the DM (me). It's all in good fun and the group sees it as such. There are only four people in the group and we're all basically related somehow so it's not a problem.
Something else to keep in mind is: if there's a problem going on at home between a couple, it'll show up at the game table. Usually during something important.
Be aware of a couple's body language and demeanor when they show up. If you catch the "all's not well" vibe, you might as well scrap the game.
And if your wife is playing in your game and your the DM...just get used to giving her special consideration. Remember, when the gamers go home, who's sharing your bed tonight? Followed by the question, how comfortable is your couch?
Don't make someone's spouse play the cleric just because they're new and no one else wants to.
Learn to tune out minor bickerings, nitpicking, and canoodling. It's just going to happen no matter what.
My group: my wife, a friend and his girlfriend (and their baby), and a single guy we've been teaching to shower before the game.
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and a single guy we've been teaching to shower before the game.Probably why he's still single.
Girls are funny that way.
My wife and I have adopted a bachelor. He lives with us, he's been a friend of mine for 6 years now, and he's a good guy... but he has some hygiene issues. My wife is constantly yelling at him to take a bath, wash his hands, etc. Maybe one day he'll learn...
And if your wife is playing in your game and your the DM...just get used to giving her special consideration. Remember, when the gamers go home, who's sharing your bed tonight? Followed by the question, how comfortable is your couch?
I would have to respectfully disagree with this. As mentioned above I'm also a DM for a group that includes my wife. I don't give her any special consideration, nor does she expect any. If you start giving special treats to one player, the rest of the group will notice. My wife gets the same treatment in-game that the rest of the group gets...and that includes messing with her character just as much as I mess with the others. :)
And ok SirKaikillah, I'll share an example of some of the ribbing my group gives me since its related to this post. Whenever I mess with her character, such as not letting her get away with something she wants to do like get something for free because of her awesome diplomacy check, she jokingly tells me, "no [nooky] tonight". A while back the rest of the group started saying the same thing, and its even expanded to her brother (who doesn't play in the group) and others.
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I would have to respectfully disagree with this. As mentioned above I'm also a DM for a group that includes my wife. I don't give her any special consideration, nor does she expect any. If you start giving special treats to one player, the rest of the group will notice. My wife gets the same treatment in-game that the rest of the group gets...and that includes messing with her character just as much as I mess with the others. :)
I've DM'd my girlfriend-who-became-my-wife in... four campaigns now? Something like that. Anyway, we have made it a ritual that immediately before the session starts, we share one last kiss, and then she loses all "spouse benefits" and becomes a player like all the others. When the session ends, we again liplock and continue on as man and wife. It has worked for a good long while now.
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I would have to respectfully disagree with this. As mentioned above I'm also a DM for a group that includes my wife. I don't give her any special consideration, nor does she expect any. If you start giving special treats to one player, the rest of the group will notice. My wife gets the same treatment in-game that the rest of the group gets...and that includes messing with her character just as much as I mess with the others. :)
I crushed my wife's last character beneath 2 tons of industrial machinery in an Iron Kingdoms game. She died lots. :D
Uh, this is a PG-13 site. ;) Suffice to say there is raunchy language and a few other things going on, especially lots of messing with the DM (me). It's all in good fun and the group sees it as such. There are only four people in the group and we're all basically related somehow so it's not a problem.The women in our group (my wife and her sister) are worse than the guys when it comes to certain things. ;)Like what?
I see, the kinda ripping, that only friends can do to one another, and that is inappropriate for this board.
I know some women with really raunchy senses of humor, including m grandmother AKA Granny Lady.
Ever hear your grandmother tell a dirty joke. It's shocking the first time.
If there's someone suitable among the players, take them aside and let them know (if you're the DM or the significant other) that you'd like them to help out your spouse a little. You know, the little things like what dice to roll, adding up bonuses, etc. In our group, that was my job for a good bit of 2nd ed. (namely, all of high school and a bit into college). I still do it occasionally for the DM's wife and for the wife of one of the other players. Let the new player know they have someone to ask questions of during the game. Added perk: the DM is less likely to kill the tutor=)
Uh, this is a PG-13 site. ;) Suffice to say there is raunchy language and a few other things going on, especially lots of messing with the DM (me). It's all in good fun and the group sees it as such. There are only four people in the group and we're all basically related somehow so it's not a problem.The women in our group (my wife and her sister) are worse than the guys when it comes to certain things. ;)Like what?I see, the kinda ripping, that only friends can do to one another, and that is inappropriate for this board.
I know some women with really raunchy senses of humor, including m grandmother AKA Granny Lady.
Ever hear your grandmother tell a dirty joke. It's shocking the first time.
I don't really like it when DMs feel that they have to censor the game for the sake of the sensitivities of the female players. We dames can be just as bloodthirsty and raucous as the guys, if not more so. Give us more credit!
On an aside, I got the whole "we're censoring our behavior for you, MEDDLING HUMAN FEMALE" a few times when I would play in pick up games in small cons. I often got a sense that my fellow players were holding their tongues. To break the ice in one game, I made a raunchy joke about grell, and then proceeded to kill a fang dragon all by my 'lil archer self (the DM gave me the weak female archer character "because you're a girl you'll like it"). Good times.
And finally, on topic: My ex boyfriend was playing in a game I ran at Dragoncon one year, and totally flipped out when an Uvuudaum killed him because he didn't think that I would snuff his character. Oops.
I don't really like it when DMs feel that they have to censor the game for the sake of the sensitivities of the female players. We dames can be just as bloodthirsty and raucous as the guys, if not more so. Give us more credit!
On an aside, I got the whole "we're censoring our behavior for you, MEDDLING HUMAN FEMALE" a few times when I would play in pick up games in small cons. I often got a sense that my fellow players were holding their tongues. To break the ice in one game, I made a raunchy joke about grell, and then proceeded to kill a fang dragon all by my 'lil archer self (the DM gave me the weak female archer character "because you're a girl you'll like it"). Good times.
And finally, on topic: My ex boyfriend was playing in a game I ran at Dragoncon one year, and totally flipped out when an Uvuudaum killed him because he didn't think that I would snuff his character. Oops.
Yep, I can handle raunchy talk and can deliver it too...and should I and other women in the group get tired of listening to it, the best way is indeed to top the ante and start to joke really dirtily (trust me, I can).
That said, there are people, both men and women, who do not deal so well with such talk, so better watch first couple of sessions how to deal with the new player, any new player.And to on-topic...I highly recommend never DMing your significant other, or usually even playing in such campaigns...gaming with SO works, but not DMing (rumors have it that there are gaming couples who can handle it...and that there are albino alligators in NYC sewers).
A bit similar to playing a strategy game as a couple...either the couple forms an untouchable union which is boring or one will end up attacking the other and that is taken personally (that said, I know gamer couples who can handle board games in good spirit...).
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My group consists of two couples, and we've never had an off-table issue make it into the game. Frankly, if one of us was in the midst of a real fight, we would simply call the game that night.
We've only run two games where I wasn't the DM. The first was our experiment with Eberron. My wife was a warforged and I was an Artificer, which was a natural enough tie between the characters. In fact, if Eberron is your setting, you might suggest this relationship for the player and his new significant other.
The second time, I was a chaotic evil jerk, and I think we both enjoyed playing characters who couldn't stand one another. It's all role-playing, right? We thought it was a blast. Plus, you can make-up without actually fighting. Nothing better than that!
...that said, I know gamer couples who can handle board games in good spirit...).
My wife will never play D&D. Or when hell freezes over she might try it out, at the very least.
But we play some mean ass Scrabble. The little monster speaks English as a second language, too, and I teach literature, so there's some seriously vicious competition during our matches.
I won't even touch the ping-pong matches, it's just not polite to talk about here.
And to on-topic...I highly recommend never DMing your significant other, or usually even playing in such campaigns...gaming with SO works, but not DMing (rumors have it that there are gaming couples who can handle it...and that there are albino alligators in NYC sewers).
Really? I've DMed games that my hubby plays in and vice versa. Never had an issue with it. :)
Yeah, i dont see how it would be a problem dming for a significant other unless that person had a babylike behavior, meaning the inability to separate fantasy and real life and the attitude that everything is a slight directed at them and the world revolves around them, I just recommend you not play with those types regardless of who they are, but then, they are not really people persons so probably wouldnt want to play.
just know your players and style the game toward them and things will be fine; work out issues as they arise.
Update:
Well, I had discussions with both the gaming group and my buddy about incorporating a new player into the game. I found out that we've all been wanting to see her give the game a shot, and everyone involved was quite hospitible to the process.
Rather than disrupt the storyline, I decided to incorporate her into the current game immediately. We are playing STAP, and the party had left off the last session making their way through Wormfall festival.
The scene at the local garrison made for a good bit of role-playing and some introductory skill checks, and she managed to get a few guardsmen (read: fodder) to accompany her to the manor. They took on the bulk of an encounter at the front door, and the party "miraculously" arrive just as the last guardman began to falter.
Her character was quickly added to the party as an ally and the party rolled their way through the next series of encounters. She seemed to enjoy the combat more than anything else, which is good for both the current gaming group and the current game.
While she did enjoy herself during the sessions she played, she decided that while fun, D&D wasn't something she would go out of her way to attend as regularily as we do. At least, that is the impression I've gotten from her. Regardless, the idea was tried and no hard feeling came of it, so I consider it a win.
Thank you all for the advice and comments!
I don't really like it when DMs feel that they have to censor the game for the sake of the sensitivities of the female players. We dames can be just as bloodthirsty and raucous as the guys, if not more so. Give us more credit!
On an aside, I got the whole "we're censoring our behavior for you, MEDDLING HUMAN FEMALE" a few times when I would play in pick up games in small cons. I often got a sense that my fellow players were holding their tongues. To break the ice in one game, I made a raunchy joke about grell, and then proceeded to kill a fang dragon all by my 'lil archer self (the DM gave me the weak female archer character "because you're a girl you'll like it"). Good times.
And finally, on topic: My ex boyfriend was playing in a game I ran at Dragoncon one year, and totally flipped out when an Uvuudaum killed him because he didn't think that I would snuff his character. Oops.
Yep, I can handle raunchy talk and can deliver it too...and should I and other women in the group get tired of listening to it, the best way is indeed to top the ante and start to joke really dirtily (trust me, I can).
That said, there are people, both men and women, who do not deal so well with such talk, so better watch first couple of sessions how to deal with the new player, any new player.And to on-topic...I highly recommend never DMing your significant other, or usually even playing in such campaigns...gaming with SO works, but not DMing (rumors have it that there are gaming couples who can handle it...and that there are albino alligators in NYC sewers).
A bit similar to playing a strategy game as a couple...either the couple forms an untouchable union which is boring or one will end up attacking the other and that is taken personally (that said, I know gamer couples who can handle board games in good spirit...).
Regarding this somewhat-off-topic, I have the good fortune to have 2 Ladies of Hack at my Sunday table. If anything, I tend to be an equal opportunity offender. Vanthus' "letter" (under Parrot Island) got those 2 players hooked in a strong desire to (brutally) dispatch him. Last session I hooked a 3rd player. When the girdles of gender-bending are divvied out, I expect to get most or all of the remaining players very strongly thirsting for his blood.
The Ladies of Hack, as I have seen, are indeed just as capable of crude humor, innuendo-laden commentary/jokes - and have often been at least as bloodthirsty as any of the fellas at the table.
To the OP: I am wholeheartedly wishing you good fortune with integrating another Lady of Hack at your table. The wimmenz tend to be far more original gamers than most of the fellas in my experience. ^_^
My wife had never been interested in gaming until we got together and she enjoys it. We have yet had a problem when she games. We keep our daily lives separate from our gaming lives and she pokes more fun at my characters than the others at the table. She still has trouble with the rules, but that's to be expected to someone who is just picking up the game and everyone at the table helps her and encourages her for a good time. The best advice I can give is to make it a supporting environment and make sure she has as much fun as everyone else. If there ever arises a problem with her as a gamer talk to them and the other players separately and find out what they believe is the best solution to the problem and find a happy medium if at all possible.
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RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32
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And to on-topic...I highly recommend never DMing your significant other, or usually even playing in such campaigns...gaming with SO works, but not DMing (rumors have it that there are gaming couples who can handle it...and that there are albino alligators in NYC sewers).Really? I've DMed games that my hubby plays in and vice versa. Never had an issue with it. :)
Ditto. My wife is nowhere near the veteran that I am, but she does play on occassion. She just hates the d20 system because of all the math and skill checks involved. World of Darkness she gets into just fine, though, and she plays a Werewolf in my Saturday night campaign.
The last time she played in a tabletop d20 (Iron Kingdoms) game of mine, I smashed her character to death with a two-ton iron war machine. She's considering starting a game of Changeling: The Lost in the near future, which I will most certainly play in once it gets off the ground. She's never run a game before, so it should be interesting.
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My wife has been gaming with me for close to 15 years now, we've never had anything pop up to make problems.
I've had different couples in my games over the years, each has been different. Some good, some bad.
The last group that I just dissolved was broke up in part because of the wife of another player.
She played because she wanted to "support" her husband in his hobby. She had very little interest in the actual game though. It was a train wreck having her at the table. Distractions, interruptions, etc.
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My wife is pretty new to gaming and we are currently both players in a group of 3 sets of spouses (including us). The DM is married to one of the players and past the occasional 'no sex tonight' jokes, all is fine and dandy (the wife of the DM has had here characters killed twice. We had a near TPK last week, but his wife was one of the survivors...the rest of us were threatening to withhold sex from him).
Like others have said, a lot of it is just knowing/getting to know the personalities in the group and the person being introduced. Let a significant other that is just coming in know that you are serious about gaming, but you're serious about having a good time, too. Let 'em know about what the appropriate level of table talk and joking is, who gets pissy about what, and be ready to slow things down a bit to give a good explanation of why certain things are happening in the story, what mechanics cover what kind of activity, what likely outcomes might be of some actions.
Klamachpin, sounded like it worked out alright for you all. Too bad if she doesn't love it and dive right in, but it sounds like it was at least a solid effort that everyone was able to live with.
She just hates the d20 system because of all the math and skill checks involved. World of Darkness she gets into just fine...
My wife is the same way, she loved playing her Vampire: The Requiem character, but has trouble with all that's involved with D&D, though I have to give her serious kudos for all the effort she's put into it.
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I think one thing you should consider is, What sort of game does your group like? If your group is very cooperative and plays heroes, make sure the new member knows this, and explain why things like Evil characters and thieves who steal from other party members would be unacceptable. If your group likes intra-party conflict, make sure she understands this, and let her know how that usually works, that it isn't personal, and you probably still want to have the group take it easy on the new player at first.
This is the best advice - my Girlfriend plays a cleric in the group I DM for. She started by playing the D&D xbox game so she would understand the general roles and could pick her class. she knows the person who plays the thief will occasionally steal from the group (once causing a death when he stole a ring of feather fall) and that the warlock keeps threatening to kill the bat familier of the wizard - Therefore she chose a cleric because "No body will hurt the cleric - you hurt me and I don't heal you - 'O you need 9 hp to be conscious (cure minor wounds)' " all she really does is cure and shoot her crossbow usually - and walk around hidouts looking for secret doors since she is an elf... the first time the entire group walked by a secret door and I instant messaged that she saw it (we use that instead of notes) was the first time she relly roleplayed with the rest of the group.