Hulk, I'm fighting a big earth elemental, any good advice?
Hulk smash nads, but earth elemental has no nads! No nads make Hulk angry . . .
What earth elemental?
Dear Bizarro,
Recently I asked my group of players if they thought it was time for an edition change. They responded with a resounding "YES!" They immediately demanded that our group now use the old Marvel Superheroes FASERIP system to build their characters. What should I do? I don't want to lose my gaming group!
Please help me!
Signed,
Altered Human with Psyche 100 and no skills.
Rar! Hulk just realize you ask this question from Bizarro! Bizarro on vacation! Hulk is columnist now! Ask Hulk question! Hulk have to promote movie or else Joe Quesada not let Hulk into Avengers movie!
Go see Hulk movie!
Dear Hulk,
Any advice on how to deal with the ladies?
Hulk not ladies' man like Doc Samson is. Hulk advice to get pony tail and not wear shirt.
Dear Hulk,
I just asked a question for Bizarro but he was on vacation, and that upset you. Is there any way I can make it up to you (keeping in mind I am planning on seeing your new movie already)?
Puny Banner say Hulk should ask for something called "residuals" from Joe Quesada. Guess Hulk like residuals. And puppies.
Dear Hulk,
There's this really, really dumb thread that keeps driving me insane. I'm always thinking it should be on the 'off-topic' forums but nobody listens to me. What should I do?
Dear Hulk,
There's this really, really dumb thread that keeps driving me insane. I'm always thinking it should be on the 'off-topic' forums but nobody listens to me. What should I do?
Hulk's really, really excitable right now, what with the opening night of the movie. Maybe we should be really careful what we ask him . . . I mean, reading posts can be stressful, and . . . you . . . I . . .
Dear Hulk,
There's this really, really dumb thread that keeps driving me insane. I'm always thinking it should be on the 'off-topic' forums but nobody listens to me. What should I do?
Puny Banner not answer column . . . Hulk answer! Smash column! Smash puny column!
Go see Hulk movie! No post on boards tonight!
Dear Hulk,
I heard a rumor that Captain America is making a cameo in your new movie. How does that make you feel?
Hulk ambivalent!
Okay, Hulk kind of jazzed . . . Hulk not see final cut yet. Joe Quesada not let Hulk go to premiere because Hulk not find tux for 10'4" guy. Hulk say "Big and Tall" store suck.
Dear Hulk,
I heard a rumor that Captain America is making a cameo in your new movie. How does that make you feel?
Hulk ambivalent!
Okay, Hulk kind of jazzed . . . Hulk not see final cut yet. Joe Quesada not let Hulk go to premiere because Hulk not find tux for 10'4" guy. Hulk say "Big and Tall" store suck.
Hey! Hulk! KC says that he hates your movie! And, uh, he hates clowns!
Hey! Hulk! KC says that he hates your movie! And, uh, he hates clowns!Dear Hulk,
I heard a rumor that Captain America is making a cameo in your new movie. How does that make you feel?
Hulk ambivalent!
Okay, Hulk kind of jazzed . . . Hulk not see final cut yet. Joe Quesada not let Hulk go to premiere because Hulk not find tux for 10'4" guy. Hulk say "Big and Tall" store suck.
...
...well, damn.
Hey! Hulk! KC says that he hates your movie! And, uh, he hates clowns!
Hulk smash clown hater! Clowns make Hulk laugh! Hulk make balloon animal out of little dog lizard man!
Hulk smash clown hater! Clowns make Hulk laugh! Hulk make balloon animal out of little dog lizard man!
Hey! Hulk! KC says that he hates your movie! And, uh, he hates clowns!
I. Am. A. Kobold. Not. A. 'Little dog lizard man'. Get. It. RIGHT ALREADY!!!!
Dear Bizarro, how do I prevent a bad hair day? Cutting all of the hair off isn't an option.
Dear Bizarro?
How me am get rid of kobold infestations?Concerned DungeonOwner
Hulk, another question please. I really need your help. And please don't...smash my head in. Your movie is great, honest.
But I have this really, really bad warwoof problem...sometimes it's too much...he's always insulting me... *Sniff*
Tank you fowa powsting my wetter, Mr. Heathy.
XXOO,
Timmy
Hulk, I have been wondering, how big is your keyboard?
Bizarro not have to take back column from Hulk because Hulk not busy with Avengers movie and stuff. Bizarro not upset at all, especially since Bizarro not even get walk on part in brilliant Mortal Kombat game.
Bizarro sure Hulk's keyboard just like anyone else's keyboard, but only when it am cold.
I. Am. A. Kobold. Not. A. 'Little dog lizard man'. Get. It. RIGHT ALREADY!!!!
Doesn't anyone believe in the principles of self-identity and non-contradiction anymore? Freakin postmodern bullcrap...
Dear Bizarro?
How me am get rid of kobold infestations?Concerned DungeonOwner
Bizarro not fan of kobold motels.
Dear Bizarro, how do I prevent a bad hair day? Cutting all of the hair off isn't an option.
Bizarro not thinking that lots of hair gel the answer. This totally not work for Superman, just look at him. Him actually not take time to gel hair when changing out of him clothes as . . .
Oh, you almost failed to get Bizarro to tell who am Superman really, but Bizarro completely going to say Clark Kent's secret not safe with me.
Dear Mr. I. Hulk,
How is your relationship with Ang Lee these days?
Signed,
A Concerned Leafy Friend
Bizarro,
Is the Thanksgiving Scorpion real?
Timmy
Bizarro not confused at all that dog man posting as Timmy but am saying he am Timmy when he am not dog man. Bizarro must not ponder this.
Bizarro not done pondering, onto question . . . the Thanksgiving Scorpion am not real. He am not as real as the spirit of hiding mom's experi . . . er . . . special recipies so she am not cooking them on Thanksgiving, and not as real as the spirit of letting dad sneak bourbon under the guise of a playful holiday mascot.
So no, Virginia, the Thanksgiving scorpion am not real . . . him not as real as mom's cooking Thanksgiving Surprise and dad's getting buzzed before him have to deal with mom's side of the family one more time this year.
Dear Hulk,
Is Lindsay Lohan playing Wonder Man in the new Avengers movie?
Yes, she am, but only her mom not interested in playing Hipp . . . Hyp . . . Hipotopomuslyta . . .
Bizarro am hoping this great movie that keeps Fat Joey employed for a long time.
Dear Bizarro,
How come Zibarro looks normal, but you look like a dead moronic slack-jawed troglodyte?
Bizarro am not just happy him not look like underwear model like him imperfect facimi . . . faker on Smallville.
Uncontrolled, shrill, merciless weeping at decibel level that drowns out 747s overhead. Accompanied by much seepage of tears and snot.
heh heh...
Dear Mr. I. Hulk,
How is your relationship with Ang Lee these days?
Signed,
A Concerned Leafy Friend
Bizarro am Hulk, but me am not trying to answer this for him. Rumor has it that Ang Lee not have restraining order on him, and if he come near any Avengers movie, him not taken straight to the Vault until DC not allow Halle Berry to play Catwoman again.
(That not when Hell freeze over)
Mmmm...Halle Berry...I'm sorry, what were we talking about?
Dear Mr Hulk,
I also heard Alice the Goon say that went double for her.
Yours,
M.
Dear Mr Hulk,
I also heard Alice the Goon say that went double for her.
Yours,
M.
Bizarro not hear that Hulk double up on Alice the Goon and . . . Bizarro am totally going to finish this comment because him not afraid of Fat Joey's lawyers at all.
Dear Bizarro,
What is the real meaning of Thanksgiving?
The Scorpion! Do not listen to the heretic!
Dear Bizarro,
Do you think Kimbo Slice can wup Hulk?
Dear Bizarro,
Can I offer you a nice, black ring to wear?
Sincerely,
The Black Lantern Corps.
Dear Bizarro,
Any thoughts on the antimatter universe the Canadians discovered?
