Hulk, Freelance Columnist's page

If your PCs are at the high fantasy level, you probably should crank up the cohorts as well, otherwise they're Rick Jones to your Hulk.

Hulk smash Rick Jones! Puny Jones hang out with Captain America and ROM! Hulk hate superhero groupie sidekick whores!

(But Hulk guess its okay since Hulk nailed Rick's wife)

Hulk not like rodents . . . new boss tell Hulk that mouse not rodent . . . Hulk confused . . .

Hulk have no idea what staggering man talking about.

Kluh? Rarhg! Now Hulk have to go back to stupid Marvel Universe with stupid Red Hulk . . . Hulk not happy about being tricked into saying his name backwards when Hulk barely able to read . . .

Him latest in long line of ideas from puny Quesada that Makes Hulk Angry!

Also, for color blind Red Hulk give Hulk bad reputation.

Little Banner wanted to wish Merry Christmas, but Banner sit on pinecone! Now Hulk chafe! Hulk drink eggnog!

Hey! Hulk! KC says that he hates your movie! And, uh, he hates clowns!

Hulk smash clown hater! Clowns make Hulk laugh! Hulk make balloon animal out of little dog lizard man!

Hulk say in unbiased manner: Go see Hulk movie! Hulk need residuals! Hulk shill!

Dear Hulk,

I heard a rumor that Captain America is making a cameo in your new movie. How does that make you feel?

Hulk ambivalent!

Okay, Hulk kind of jazzed . . . Hulk not see final cut yet. Joe Quesada not let Hulk go to premiere because Hulk not find tux for 10'4" guy. Hulk say "Big and Tall" store suck.

Dear Hulk,

There's this really, really dumb thread that keeps driving me insane. I'm always thinking it should be on the 'off-topic' forums but nobody listens to me. What should I do?

Puny Banner not answer column . . . Hulk answer! Smash column! Smash puny column!

Go see Hulk movie! No post on boards tonight!

Dear Hulk,

I just asked a question for Bizarro but he was on vacation, and that upset you. Is there any way I can make it up to you (keeping in mind I am planning on seeing your new movie already)?

Puny Banner say Hulk should ask for something called "residuals" from Joe Quesada. Guess Hulk like residuals. And puppies.

Dear Hulk,

Any advice on how to deal with the ladies?

Hulk not ladies' man like Doc Samson is. Hulk advice to get pony tail and not wear shirt.

Dear Bizarro,

Recently I asked my group of players if they thought it was time for an edition change. They responded with a resounding "YES!" They immediately demanded that our group now use the old Marvel Superheroes FASERIP system to build their characters. What should I do? I don't want to lose my gaming group!

Please help me!

Signed,
Altered Human with Psyche 100 and no skills.

Rar! Hulk just realize you ask this question from Bizarro! Bizarro on vacation! Hulk is columnist now! Ask Hulk question! Hulk have to promote movie or else Joe Quesada not let Hulk into Avengers movie!

Go see Hulk movie!

Hulk, I'm fighting a big earth elemental, any good advice?

Hulk smash nads, but earth elemental has no nads! No nads make Hulk angry . . .

What earth elemental?

Dear Bizarro,

Recently I asked my group of players if they thought it was time for an edition change. They responded with a resounding "YES!" They immediately demanded that our group now use the old Marvel Superheroes FASERIP system to build their characters. What should I do? I don't want to lose my gaming group!

Please help me!

Signed,
Altered Human with Psyche 100 and no skills.

Hulk say listen to group. FASERIP system make Hulk stronger as he get madder . . . and Hulk is strongest one there is!

Plus Hulk laugh green ass off at example of Aunt May offing Galactus.

Yeah, me too.

Hulk say look at previous reply. Look! Look! Hulk say look at it!

Hulk like beans . . .

Dear Hulk,

I was exposed to gamma radiation, but haven't developed any special powers. What gives?

Hulk suggest getting sperm count checked . . . Hulk just saying . . .

Puny Banner take too long to answer question . . . Hulk strongest columnist there is!

Hulk, when Meatloaf says that he'll do anything for love ... but he won't do that ... what's he talking about?

Golden showers?

Meatloaf not willing to give up remote control for love. Understandable. Hulk hate not controlling TV!

What golden shower? Hulk not shower very often . . . Hulk likes beans!

Is Bizarro Driz'zt a evil word elf?

Bizarro Driz'zt decisive guy that has personality changes due to major events in life and can commit to women very easily. Hulk like to commit to red heads . . .

Hulk, the first time you changed, how did you know to be wearing that stretchy purple underwear?

Just lucky?

Puny Banner wearing gift from college friend, Reed Richards, called unstable underwear. Suppose to hide "embarrassing buldges," but work just as well for staying on Hulk when pants rip.

Can Hulk turn red?

Hulk do what Joey say to do for ratings . . . what can Hulk say? Hulk will do anything for love . . . but he won't do that . . . oh no, Hulk not do that . . .

Dear Bizzaro,

I've recently learned my house has an infestation of gnomes. What should I do?

--Ab-gnomal Situation

Hulk love to play whack a gnome at amusement park! Get hammer and play whack a gnome!

Hulk always confuse gnome and moles . . . what difference again?

Does Hulk have b!@#& t*!~?

Hulk not speak werewolf . . . Hulk think Blade speak werewolf . . . funny symbols make Hulk head hurt.

Mr. Hulk, does milk calm the savage beast inside you?

Hulk not have savage beast inside him! Savage beast outside Hulk! Hulk not drink milk since Thing made joke about Hulk milk mustache that made Hulk feel dirty inside.

Boxers or briefs?

Rargh! That personal question . . . Hulk blush!

Is the Bizarro Forgotten Realms the Remembered Realms?

Is Thay called "Yath," or "Bizzaro Thay?"
And what color are the wizards, purple? Green?

Bizarro Forgotten Realms called "4th Edition." Rargh . . . Hulk tired of dog man questions . . . dog man smell like wet dog . . . man . . .

Is there a Bizarro Hulk? Does he fix lotsa things?

Bizarro Hulk smashed by Fat Joey.

Do Bizarro Richard Pett and Bizarro Nicolas Logue get along politely like those polite chipmunks from the Bugs Bunny cartoons?

Bizarro Pett and Logue get along really well . . . really well. Hulk confused, but okay with it.

Hulk, Freelance Columnist wrote:

Hulk answer!

Why is Ed Norton scarier than the Hulk?

Hulk not allowed to talk about Fight Club.

Is there a Bizarro Driz'zt?

Puny Bizarro Driz'zt still puny . . . but Hulk like kitty . . . Bizarro Driz'zt have cocker spaniel though . . .

If Lindsay Lohan played Wonder Woman, who would play Bizarro Wonder Woman?

Hulk like red heads, what color Lohan's hair now? Tell Hulk you like his answer!

Hulk answer!