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A member of my gaming group told us last night that he may have to drop out because his wife doesn't like him out late, adding that she doesn't understand what he sees in DnD at all. It got me to thinking, why do we love this game so much? I post this here because Dungeon is what got me back into gaming. I saw a copy on the shelf at a bookstore (i believe it was the evil frost giant on #118 that got me) and since that buy, I have been clearly obsessed with the game. I love it. What do y'all think?
I'm lucky in that my wife loves gaming as much as I do (outside of when she entered a passage that was dimensionally warped, causing her to turn inside out, necessitating a system shock roll, which somehow she passed...the character has been retired and we're not quite sure where "she" is now). But in answer to your question...I don't know. It exercises creativity. It works the mind. It's a great way for a bunch of friends to get together and have fun for hours. There's dozens of reasons why I like gaming so much, and it's hard to narrow it down to just one.
...he may have to drop out because his wife doesn't like him out late, adding that she doesn't understand what he sees in DnD at all.
That's...sad. Would she prefer he go out raising hell at the local bar? Strange and sad. :(
As far as why we love this game...I would have to say that there's probably two reasons that everybody will have in common: escapism and a creative outlet. Let's face it, sometimes, your day just sucks and you need to get away from it for a while. Computer games don't always satisfy that escapist need. Similarly, the drudgery of working eight or more hours to scrape enough together to keep a roof over your head and food on the table and the lights on does sometimes create a feeling of entrapment, almost. Being able to cut loose and relax for a few hours via rolling some dice does wonders.
For a creative outlet, man, how cooooooooool is it? :D From either the DM's perspective or the player's, you have a funnel for your creative energies, whether it's roleplaying your dwarven wizard or warforged paladin or elven ranger or kobold cleric (or or or), there is so much about this game that feeds our basic desires to create something.
For me, the creative aspect of it is what brings me back every single time. It will keep bringing me back 'til I'm old and gray and I'll still be playing it in Fake Healer's D&D Resort, running through the Vault of the Drow with the Were_Cabbages.
A member of my gaming group told us last night that he may have to drop out because his wife doesn't like him out late...
Tell him to get his balls back.
As Magnus (and therefore the player he mentioned in his post) is one of my players, this is potentially sad for me as well. The player in questions is in his first year playing (he has played online games and loves them) the pen and paper game. He is progressing nicely and I would hate to see him leave the game. I am fortunate in that my wife loves the game and is also one of my players as well. In fact, the often is the one pushing me to play *more* rather than less.
I suppose I love the game for a few reasons:
1. I'm obsessive by nature and the game lends itself to that. Yes, I'm the marketing guys' dream. *sigh*
2. I have played since I was 8 and been a DM since I was 10. For the past 25 years it has been a big part of my life and has provided me the escape needed from my days at times as mentioned above.
3. I love the connection to the players and the friendships that come from it.
4. It has developed my problem solving and creative skills in substantial ways.
5. I CREATE WORLDS!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAAH I actually said this in an interview last week...without the evil laugh...wonder why I didn't get that job? :)
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A member of my gaming group told us last night that he may have to drop out because his wife doesn't like him out late...Tell him to get his balls back.
Much as I love my wife, she would have to go if she stole this from me. We would have a better chance of staying together after an infidelity than taking my gaming. However, I am limited to once or twice a week at most, which is understandable due to kids and life and all.
Why I love D&D? The real world is a place that has it's pluses but in general is covered in suckinessense. It's nice to "go" somewhere where good and evil are tangible and defined and combat the forces of darkness with a chance of affecting the "world". Thumpin' orcs is a nice stress reliever too.
Creativity is an extremely valued commodity in the game also, which makes me happy.
FH (hey Lilith, guess I made a lasting impression with my nursing-home-for-gamers dream!;) Almost as nice a dream as the D&D town)
I've been knee deep in the D&D hooplah for over 20 years myself, and I just haven't found any other hobby that can compare to it. It just satisfies on so many levels:
It exercises both the creative and logical sides of people; it encourages people to broaden their knowledge of history and mythology; it brings groups of like-minded people together to share good times and good conversation (both in and out of game, in my experience). And the list goes on...
Heck, if it wasn't for gaming, I might have missed the single greatest moment in my life - meeting my sweetheart! :)
We gamers are the textbook definition of an eclectic bunch, and I for one wouldn't have it any other way! (And if someone does come up with a permanent D&D town or resort, then sign me up - as long as Lilith hand-picked the cooking staff of course!!)
Your Friendly Neighborhood Dalesman
"Bringing Big D**n Justice to the Bad Guys Since 1369 DR"
My words from the Iron DM website...
"We are those who game. Those out there who do not know the majesty of RPG…the groundlings, the troglodytes, who have never held a cool D20 in their hand and tempted the gods of fate, they have lived only one life whilst we walk the paths of hundreds of beings ranging from warriors to wizards, angels and demons, dragons and giants. We are those who game, and we are the lords of our imagination. We stand taller than average mortals."
Nuff said.
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My words from the Iron DM website...
"We are those who game. Those out there who do not know the majesty of RPG…the groundlings, the troglodytes, who have never held a cool D20 in their hand and tempted the gods of fate, they have lived only one life whilst we walk the paths of hundreds of beings ranging from warriors to wizards, angels and demons, dragons and giants. We are those who game, and we are the lords of our imagination. We stand taller than average mortals."
Nuff said.
I don't use sigs on messageboards but if this site had one that would be mine. Nice find, Logue!
FH
"We are those who game. Those out there who do not know the majesty of RPG…the groundlings, the troglodytes, who have never held a cool D20 in their hand and tempted the gods of fate, they have lived only one life whilst we walk the paths of hundreds of beings ranging from warriors to wizards, angels and demons, dragons and giants. We are those who game, and we are the lords of our imagination. We stand taller than average mortals."[ENDQUOTE]
Quoted for truth.
My words from the Iron DM website...
Funny enough, I was just working on this site...;)
Because, sometimes, I feel like a 20th level paladin stuck in the body of a 4th level expert.
All joking aside, I was a shy kid in high school and playing D&D gave me not only a great social outlet, but a way to exercise my creativity. Nothing is more satisfying than laughing and hanging out with your friends while they enjoy (and are invested in) something that you've created. It's rather addictive. Also, I love stories and story telling. So long as I have time, energy and friends willing to play, I'll be playing D&D.
My words from the Iron DM website...
"We are those who game. Those out there who do not know the majesty of RPG…the groundlings, the troglodytes, who have never held a cool D20 in their hand and tempted the gods of fate, they have lived only one life whilst we walk the paths of hundreds of beings ranging from warriors to wizards, angels and demons, dragons and giants. We are those who game, and we are the lords of our imagination. We stand taller than average mortals."
"Logue" is the Polynesian word for
"Grandiose," or so my Hawai'an friends tell me. Of course, none of them are gamers!
Great question and great answers. I love gaming 'cause it gives me a chance to do things I don't get to do in real life. It's much the same reason why I got into acting all those years ago.
However, my wife and I were talking about video games a while back and I defended my favorite games (City of Heroes, Civilization, and the like) as games that allow me to make progress and feel like I've gained something for the time I'm investing (as opposed to my wife's favorite games like Battlefront).
That does make me wonder why we aren't doing things like writing novels or screenplays which could lead to hundreds of thousands of dollars rather than just playing D&D which, at best, results in pizza sauce stains on the character sheet.
Any thoughts?
Thanks guys! When this subject comes up I get very very poetic. I love what we do. I love the people that do it. I composed that bit o' text for Iron DM after our first year doing it...its a riff on our Chairman's first improptu intro speech for the event. To this day my New York gaming peeps call non-gamers "troglodytes."
The site goes on to talk about DMing in a similar context too, but I'll wait for Lilith to work her internet Goddess magic before I post a linkie.
You were four when you got the Expert rulebook? Geez, you're precocious!
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...I was a shy kid in school and playing D&D gave me not only a great social outlet, but a way to exercise my creativity. Nothing is more satisfying than laughing and hanging out with your friends while they enjoy (and are invested in) something that you've created. It's rather addictive. Also, I love stories and story telling. So long as I have time, energy and friends willing to play, I'll be playing D&D.
Well said, James.
Same goes for me. Our gaming gatherings are more social than pure "gotta game!". As long as we're all smiling, laughing, and having a good time, how much gets done is really irrelevant. But it is the game that brings us together.
RPGs are a form of escapism. A lot people rather let the media outlets (TV, movies, radio) take them away, some people prefer something more interactive (sports, video games, board games), while some people prefer to create something (crafters, RPGs). My wife prefers to sew and knit. She creates something that gives her a sense of accomplishment that she can share with others. I "craft" an environment to have interactive roleplaying and mutual storytelling. I get the sense of accomplishment in seeing advancing characters and satisfied friends and it's certainly an experience to share.
Well, of course we're all obsessed with the game or we wouldn't bother to visit this site, let alone post.
I do think, though, that playing schedules might cause tension in gamer-non-gamer couples. You may not be coming home drunk at 3 am, but if you're coming home at 3 am one night a week, when you already don't have much time to spend together, that could lead to some understandable resentments, I think.
I'm not currently in a relationship, and I love to game, but I must admit that sometimes when my DM keeps going and going till 3 am, I get to the point where I don't want to play anymore--and sometimes I like to quit reasonably early (say midnight or so) so that I can have a little energy for other activities on Saturday. One of the guys in my group just dropped out indefinitely, I think partly due to these reasons.
So, sure, gamers' spouses, like fishermens' spouses, ought to be willing to put up with a certain amount of passion about the hobby that takes the spouse away. But the gamer, like the fisherman, does need to exercise a certain amount of consideration, as well. Ideally, we all get hitched with someone who either shares our interest or is happy that we enjoy it and has hobbies of their own to occupy their time when it's game night. But sometimes a little moderation may be the key to maintaining a healthy life at home while enjoying our favorite hobby.
deally, we all get hitched with someone who either shares our interest or is happy that we enjoy it and has hobbies of their own to occupy their time when it's game night. But sometimes a little moderation may be the key to maintaining a healthy life at home while enjoying our favorite hobby.
I agree Peruhain. If you've got a hobby that takes up your time, then your other half should have one as equally engrossing and you should give them as much space and time that they give to you for it.
Fortunately I'm in a gamer-gamer relationship, so it's all good.
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<snip>...in Fake Healer's D&D Resort, running through the Vault of the Drow with the Were_Cabbages.
Hey, is there a waiting list to get into that? No, really...I'm all for donating the land for it. Coastal, mountains, or a little bit of both? Or as a matter of comfort zones, a dark windowless room with a pizzeria in one corner and an everlasting dispenser of cold beer in another? Mead for special celebrations? I was planning on going to Ireland for a vacation, but hmm... ;-)
Back on topic - I had no idea how much I would enjoy roleplaying when I began playing in my first DnD campaign a little over a year ago. I was hooked immediately, and now DM for a group of newbies (plus my husband, who started when I did) who are also becoming rapidly addicted. For me, it's all about the characters - I absolutely love building PCs and NPCs, and watching them come to life in-game. The world-building aspect doesn't appeal to me as much as others here, and I'm only beginning to realize the joys of plot creation. But I seem to have an endless supply of characters scrambling to get out of my imagination and into a "world".
Hey, is there a waiting list to get into that? No, really...I'm all for donating the land for it. Coastal, mountains, or a little bit of both? Or as a matter of comfort zones, a dark windowless room with a pizzeria in one corner and an everlasting dispenser of cold beer in another? Mead for special celebrations? I was planning on going to Ireland for a vacation, but hmm... ;-)
I would hear more of this Nirvana which you so beautifully describe...
:-)
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Hey, is there a waiting list to get into that? No, really...I'm all for donating the land for it. Coastal, mountains, or a little bit of both? Or as a matter of comfort zones, a dark windowless room with a pizzeria in one corner and an everlasting dispenser of cold beer in another? Mead for special celebrations? I was planning on going to Ireland for a vacation, but hmm... ;-)
I would hear more of this Nirvana which you so beautifully describe...
:-)
Actually, my husband, one of our closest friends, and I, have been talking about this for a few years now. We call it "Nerdtopia," a mystical land glorifying all that is geeky, rife with romance and roleplaying, and dedicated to those for whom RPGs, video games, anime, CCGs and the like are of paramount importance can come together, in perfect love and unity, and share a vision of a world where heroes truly exist, where magical items can be found upon completion of an epic quest, and where wars will be fought, not through killing, but by wielding padded weapons, or rolling dice. Lo, can you not even now hear the crinkling of a thousand Funyun bags? The valiant cry of a schoolgirl with magical powers? The triumphant clatter of a hundred thousand dice, all rolled from hands joined fast in brotherhood? (Not literally, that would get kind of sweaty.)
It heartens me to know there are others that share this grand dream, this poly-sided paradise, and I pray that one day it may become a reality.
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Hey, is there a waiting list to get into that? No, really...I'm all for donating the land for it. Coastal, mountains, or a little bit of both? Or as a matter of comfort zones, a dark windowless room with a pizzeria in one corner and an everlasting dispenser of cold beer in another? Mead for special celebrations? I was planning on going to Ireland for a vacation, but hmm... ;-)
I would hear more of this Nirvana which you so beautifully describe...
:-)
Fake Healer's One Wish look about 8 posts down and there are some others to supplement the original idea.
FH
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Fake Healer's One Wish look about 8 posts down and there are some others to supplement the original idea.
FH
"I don't want to be rich, I want life to be cool."
Words to live by, friend. Words to live by.
Clearly, though, you're not alone in your grand dream. I like to think there's at least a bit of solidarity among gamers. (I've always preached that nerds must look after their own.) Why not do this thing, huh? Seriously!
Aaaand, dragging myself painfully back onto topic, part of why I love gaming so much is that it's helped me network with a bunch of like-minded people, even making some friendships that have lasted over 10 years. Has anyone else developed gamer-senses? As in, "Gamer senses tingling!" and you know that dude in the corner of the room is a D&D freak, so you strike up a conversation with him, and you're right? Works for me, at least. Anyway, our group is definitely a rag-tag bunch, with almost as many rl alignment variations as we have dice, but one thing we all have is loyalty to one another, and the will to keep dreaming up fantastic worlds, to portray memorable villains, and to achieve levels of heroism that, while I'm sure they mean something different to everyone, give me hope that a small group of friends really can change the world.
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...And that's what D&D is about, Charlie Brown. :)
We call it "Nerdtopia," a mystical land glorifying all that is geeky, rife with romance and roleplaying, and dedicated to those for whom RPGs, video games, anime, CCGs and the like are of paramount importance can come together, in perfect love and unity, and share a vision of a world where heroes truly exist, where magical items can be found upon completion of an epic quest, and where wars will be fought, not through killing, but by wielding padded weapons, or rolling dice.
I've been hearing the other layer of Bytopia is like that.
It is definitively addictive. I just love to get into someone elses imagination while reading rpg material, and I can switch on the minds eye cinema, imagining worlds, creatures etc.
And I love getting creative while DMing or playing - again, a vivid imagination helps a lot in creating settings, situations etc.
A get-together with friends sharing a creative and fun outlet from dull dayjobs is not to be underestimated, as well.
I think that is what is comes down to: friendship, creativity and relaxing from "normal" life.
To the OPs troubles: I can surely understand if a troglodyte (I love Nics diction here) cannot fathom the fascination with the game, especially if it takes up a lot of time - which cannot be spent with her then. But the player should try to strike a balance between her needs and his hobby - I would not take it if my wife would tell me:" You won´t play this game anymore nag nag nag...!" Of course, her needs (or more exactly, the needs of the relationship) have to be considered. But if you stick together 24/7, then it is too much. And if she stoops to using blackmail ("It´s either me or the game") - the relationship is in serious trouble anyway, and this is only the occasion, but not the cause. The OP did not indicate that this is the case, but it just might come to that, from reading between the lines.
I consider myself lucky that my fianceé is a gamer herself - I met her through gaming, of course. Both p&p and LARP are on our list of favorite pastimes.
Stefan
Oh, and on that gamers paradise: I think we should open a European dependance, as well. As soon as I win in the lottery, I will buy a castle anyway :-)) I just read in the paper today that a trucker in the US won 116 million $$$ in the lottery - now that could buy some castle...
Stefan
I certainly agree with the idea of having things balance out. Still D&D is a problematic hobby from the view of a significant other that does not game. To make a campaign work you tend to have to commit to a schedule of some kind and it works best if your playing at least once every two weeks and most of us would probably like to game weekly or at least 3 times a month.
The problem kicks in when you realize that your basically taking a day - usually a specific day, out of each week and going off to game. Sure your spouse probably has hobbies but most hobbies can be started or stopped more or less at will. Life always takes precedent. However gaming requires that you gather with a largish group of people all of which depend on the others to be around for a game. There are no back up players and you can't easily switch roles - so its not like a sports league where some one else takes your position if you can't make it.
Now we find ways around this for the occasional situation where a player can't show but it all falls apart if a player keeps missing sessions. They loose track of the plots in the campaign which really starts to erode the entertainment. Hence to make this work you have to be able to show up at the game pretty much every session - the game essentially has to trump everything but the most important real life commitments and it has to do so on a regular basis.
In this way its actually more of a problem then going out to the bar to raise some hell. If you can't make it to the bar for a couple of weeks because of family commitments - well no biggie. Likely that's where the problem kicks in - your gaming seems to trump everything and it sucks up a big chunk of some specific day. Chances are the significant other does not have this all encompassing hobby that seems to always come before anything else. He or she might go out with friends but the date and time are negotiable. The only thing really comparable would be something like volunteering for something or being part of a band which also require one to usually adhere to some kind of a schedule, but charity work is defensible in a way that D&D is not. If your 'hobby' is teaching special needs children to read your significant other likely cuts you some slack - not so much if you slay dragons on Tuesdays.
Those of us that are gamers when we get into a relationship have a significant advantage since your gaming is part of the package. Ones significant other ends up pretty much agreeing to the arrangement from day one and soon comes to realize that this is not something that's likely to change. If the gaming is a deal breaker that gets resolved early on, hopefully at least.
Great posts here.
For me the game is a form of wonderful escapism like no other. It allows me to put aside the little (and sometimes <i>not</i> so little) stresses of life and take a break, bee imaginative, and have some engaging fun with friends in which we can build a unique story we all own. I adore all sorts of games, from poker to a good RISK 2110 bout, but there's simply nothing like D&D.
As I used to say years ago, it gets its hooks in you and doesn't let go!
I tend to be pretty private about my gaming. When I met my girlfriend she was sure I was married or seeing some one else when really I was just going geeking. She thought it was lame for a while but her girlfriends started going off about her boyfriend coming home froma a strip club with only half a paycheck another girlfriend pissed off because her husband blew twentytwo hundred at the casino on friday and my geeking started to look pretty good. I rein in my games about midnight so my players can get home hopefully missing the bar crowd that lets out about two. I'd rather a player quit than get aced by a drunk.
I gamed before I had a girlfriend, gamed having a girlfriend, gamed having a wife, will game long after she's gone if that happens; gaming is the only constant you can count on.
asking why I play is like asking why I read books; is the same thing in my mind, but in gaming you get to be the hero or character in the story. Solving puzzles; mock combat, getting together with freinds, eating and drinking; the jokes and humor, butchering accents in attempts to better get role playing immersion; this and more is why I love it so.
I told my wife our ideas from our old gamer retirement community and she said if you want it; make it happen.
George Lucas noted that people spend free time usually doing 1 of 2 things: telling stories or playing games. D&D, and RPGs in general, are a synthesis of these 2 broad categories. I can't think of another hobby that straddles these 2 groups so neatly.
Her points may be quite valid: It is possible that the late night gaming is interfering with his work, maybe they have young children and she wants a break or would like him to see them off to bed, or maybe she's just lonely in the evening. That being said, personally I think this hints at deeper relationship problems. He needs to sit down and talk a while with his wife and explain to her that this is something he really enjoys, and he would love (or maybe he wouldn't, some people need space) to get her involved if what she really wants is to feel included. He also needs to hear her out, maybe she has interests she would like to pursue but can't, and is annoyed to see him enjoying himself while she is "stuck" at home, per se. It is entirely possible that she has feelings of jealously towards the game, and feels slighted at the attention he lavishes on a game instead of spending time with her. If they could do it together, he could still play AND it would be "together time." I'm one of the few lucky souls with a hardcore gamer wife, and even she can get tired of it once in a while. I believe a recent quote while I was up watching "Return of Mothra 3" was, "Jesus Mike, why can't you just watch porn like other husbands?" Then again, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and not a modron polymorph-any-object'd into a cigar.