My girlfriend loves to call me names because I am into D&D. You know things like "geek" and "dork". It is starting to upset me more than a little. Since I tend to respond to things that upset me in a very angry manner I have kept my mouth shut, up to this point. Any ideas on how to make it stop without blowing my top?
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My girlfriend loves to call me names because I am into D&D. You know things like "geek" and "dork". It is starting to upset me more than a little. Since I tend to respond to things that upset me in a very angry manner I have kept my mouth shut, up to this point. Any ideas on how to make it stop without blowing my top?
Is your gf just having some fun at your expense? Do you think she is being malicious? Is she jealous that she needs to "share" you with D&D? Is she embarrased that her bf plays D&D? Does she understand D&D?
How you react might depend on the answers to these questions. I don't know you or your girlfriend, but would it help to start by telling her that saying things like that upsets you? Would it help if she understood your hobby a bit more, or was even involved in a game? (Who knows, she might end up liking it .... or maybe not).
Whatever you do, I doubt getting angry about it will help your situation.
You are wiser than I. She may be having fun at my expense. Possibly just to see me blow my top. Or she might be jealous of having to share me with D&D(after all I am on these message boards at this godforsaken hour when I could be in bed with her), I never thought of it that way. Like I said much wiser than I. Thank you.
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No problem man, hope it helps some.
I've been with my share of women who either thought D&D was incredibly geeky and/or were jealous at the time and effort I spent on the game. It usually helps to talk about it. And if it doesn't ... well then you either decide if you can put up with the current situation or you have to make a hard choice.
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Ask her, "If I'm such a dork, why are you out with me?" Either she will wonder why herself and get rid of you (which will gain you free sympathy beer) or she will reconsider your nicer points and realise it is nicer going out with a person with a good education, intelligence and imagination.
Ditch her if she annoys you - it isn't worth it under any circumstances. Personally, my fiance doesn't get D&D at all. But she accepts I enjoy it and leaves it at that. And she know's where I am most of the time - not in bars trying to pull other women, but rolling dice with my geeky chums. Everyone is happy.
It could be just general affectionate namecalling (replace "geek" with "snugglebunny") which is generally ok (and if not, do bring it up), or it could be some passive-aggressive way of dealing with some underlying problems, which is definitely not healthy, for either of you. Without knowing her I cannot say which is more likely but generally I recommend bringing up your concern about the issue. Hopefully without getting angry, but better be angry now than angrier later.
...she might be jealous of having to share me with D&D(after all I am on these message boards at this godforsaken hour when I could be in bed with her), I never thought of it that way...
Dude, if this is true you really need to start adding her into the equation. That doesn't mean giving up your hobby, but a relationship is about compromise and if you can't, it's doomed.
Her name calling may be polite now but it might start getting a bit harsher if you don't spend less time on the boards and more going to bed at the same time. However, like I said, it's about compromise so she has to understand that you want to spend some time on your hobby. Swings and roundabouts. :)
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When I first met my current love interest, she was a little resentful that my "brief sessions" with my fellow gamers would last upwards of three hours. But when I offered to teach her how to play D&D, everything changed. Fast forward four years, and we've done a lot of roleplaying together (like a two year, biweekly Dragonlance campaign in college and the City of the Spider Queen "adventure path" for us and our brothers during one summer). Now she plays just as much as I do and we're getting married this spring.
My advice would be to talk to your GF and offer to include her in the fun. If she likes the game, then everyboday is happy. If she doesn't then at least she may ease up on the teasing. Good luck to you.
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Dude, you are a geek.
But she is sleeping with a known geek which makes her a geek-lover. Naa-Naa.
I am also a geek. My wife is a former Miss Delaware contestant (mid 90's) but she is still a geek-lover.
Your just a geek tryin' to get yo' freak on. Take it as a compliment on how great your personality and/or physical wellness is to allow you to pull tail that would otherwise use words like geek to describe you.
FH
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I actually spoke to her about this before she left for work.
She said that she was kidding and that she would refrain from saying things that I find insulting.I then asked her if she would like to play and see if she might enjoy the experience. She said she would think about it. I thank everyone for their input. You guys Rock.:)
Dude, you are a geek.
But she is sleeping with a known geek which makes her a geek-lover. Naa-Naa.
I am also a geek. My wife is a former Miss Delaware contestant (mid 90's) but she is still a geek-lover.
Your just a geek tryin' to get yo' freak on. Take it as a compliment on how great your personality and/or physical wellness is to allow you to pull tail that would otherwise use words like geek to describe you.FH
Booyah. That makes me smile!:) She really is WAY out of my "league". Everyone who cares about me says they have no idea how I pulled that rabbit out of my hat. Well none of them use the word hat. :P
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Booyah. That makes me smile!:) She really is WAY out of my "league". Everyone who cares about me says they have no idea how I pulled that rabbit out of my hat. Well none of them use the word hat. :PDude, you are a geek.
But she is sleeping with a known geek which makes her a geek-lover. Naa-Naa.
I am also a geek. My wife is a former Miss Delaware contestant (mid 90's) but she is still a geek-lover.
Your just a geek tryin' to get yo' freak on. Take it as a compliment on how great your personality and/or physical wellness is to allow you to pull tail that would otherwise use words like geek to describe you.FH
Yeah, thats where you can start using phrases like "mucho grande" and stuff like that around the friends. A little conceit isn't necessarily bad! Confidence is a real attractive attribute in a person. Over-confidence=bad, Confidence=good. The ability to laugh at one's self is priceless though, so embrace the inner geek.
FH
My wife tried playing a couple times. She absolutely hates it (she could never understand why you always seem to meet up with mean monsters instead of cute, friendly ones that you can just snuggle, and why on Earth you get no XP for hugging the other PCs and baking them cookies). She makes fun of me ruthlessly, but in a nice way.
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My wife tried playing a couple times.
Mine too. She tries really hard because she WANTS to enjoy it but she just... doesn't. It's really unfortunate.
I'm hoping that the reason she's not getting into it is because she hasn't been presented with a strong enough roleplaying experience yet. Since my friend decided to start running his games on alternating weeks, maybe she'll enjoy getting to play alongside me instead of listening to me call the shots all the time.
dump her.
dump her.
You are ruthless. Which is not always a bad thing.
LOL. Glad you got the miscommunication cleared up. :) The hubby is a gamer, and so am I (it's how we met).
Gamerz 4 Life, Yo.
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Dude, you are a geek.
But she is sleeping with a known geek which makes her a geek-lover. Naa-Naa.
I am also a geek. My wife is a former Miss Delaware contestant (mid 90's) but she is still a geek-lover.
Your just a geek tryin' to get yo' freak on. Take it as a compliment on how great your personality and/or physical wellness is to allow you to pull tail that would otherwise use words like geek to describe you.FH
I think you're cool, fakey.
Every guy I've gamed with has has a girlfriend/wife/SO. And in every case, every single one of the girls constantly made fun of the guy they were with for being a gamer. My girlfriend still makes fun of me for it, as do the girlfriends/wives of everyone I game with. It's been like that since the dawn of time.
Meh - if she dumped you for that, she was going to do it anyway. You just crystalised the thought. And if she didn't, she loved you really. Win, win.
Now, where's my sympathy beer......
I like Beer. Now I have to figure out a way to make her enjoy Role Playing.
Gamerz 4 Life, Yo.
Word.
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Ask her, "If I'm such a dork, why are you out with me?" Either she will wonder why herself and get rid of you (which will gain you free sympathy beer)This happened to me. I still feel like an eeediot fot asking the above question.
Sorry for the double post, my computer was on the fritz, and wuldn't let me SEE it and...
never mind...
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I think you're cool, fakey.Dude, you are a geek.
But she is sleeping with a known geek which makes her a geek-lover. Naa-Naa.
I am also a geek. My wife is a former Miss Delaware contestant (mid 90's) but she is still a geek-lover.
Your just a geek tryin' to get yo' freak on. Take it as a compliment on how great your personality and/or physical wellness is to allow you to pull tail that would otherwise use words like geek to describe you.FH
I get that alot....thanks. We should act like there are no drawbacks to dating/marrying models. Tough industry that strips a lot of self-confidence away from girls and leaves alot of emotional trauma. Just gotta fix 'em back up when you get 'em. They thank you for it by making everyone you ever meet say "what is SHE doing with HIM?!?!" usually not out loud.
FH
We should act like there are no drawbacks to dating/marrying models. Tough industry that strips a lot of self-confidence away from girls and leaves alot of emotional trauma. Just gotta fix 'em back up when you get 'em. They thank you for it by making everyone you ever meet say "what is SHE doing with HIM?!?!" usually not out loud.
FH
I get that alot. Often from members of my own family.:)
My wife doesn't get D&D at all. She teases me a little bit, mostly by refering to minis as "dolls" and asking me "did you win?" every time I come home from a game.
On the other hand, my firend's wife recently played one session in a Serenity game, and now she's hooked. She would tease us, but freely admitted to being a geek in her own right, just not a gaming geek.
So, most wives/GFs/SOs will never be interested in our hobby, but every now and then, you get to score a conversion.
...but every now and then, you get to score a conversion.
Do you get XP for that? :P
dump her.
Are you Tak the Ape, of the Bright Spear? Or Tak who was lately of Desperation, NV? Or neither? It's important to know one's literary antecedents.
...but every now and then, you get to score a conversion.Do you get XP for that? :P
Only when Ned Flanders is the DM. Oh, sorry. Wrong kind of conversion.
I met my girlfriend at the gaming table (she was looking for someone to teach her D&D) and she plays in my group to this very day (it has been almost four years).
Envy me, for I am indeed prince among geeks! :))
My girlfriend loves to call me names because I am into D&D. You know things like "geek" and "dork". It is starting to upset me more than a little. Since I tend to respond to things that upset me in a very angry manner I have kept my mouth shut, up to this point. Any ideas on how to make it stop without blowing my top?
Get a new girl friend.
or
Quite gaming.
or
Embrace your inner dorkiness and thank her for the complement.
Booyah. That makes me smile!:) She really is WAY out of my "league". Everyone who cares about me says they have no idea how I pulled that rabbit out of my hat. Well none of them use the word hat. :PDude, you are a geek.
But she is sleeping with a known geek which makes her a geek-lover. Naa-Naa.
I am also a geek. My wife is a former Miss Delaware contestant (mid 90's) but she is still a geek-lover.
Your just a geek tryin' to get yo' freak on. Take it as a compliment on how great your personality and/or physical wellness is to allow you to pull tail that would otherwise use words like geek to describe you.FH
Dude you play D&D, you should have all kinds of tricks up your sleeve. D&D players are smart and creative and from what I hear women like that kind of stuff.
Now all I have to do is get out of my parents basement and get a drivers liscence so I can get a car and drive (chicks dig it when you drive).
Then I'll be the ultimate chick magnet cause i'm already a DM (chicks dig power right?).
...but every now and then, you get to score a conversion.Do you get XP for that? :P
No, but in American football you get two points.
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Well, I actually introduced my husband to D&D - not the other way around. He never called me a geek but did give me a weird look when he found out I played. Anyway, he loves to play now but I must admit I'm more obsessive about it than he is. I guess I'm the rare breed - not sure if this is a good thing or not!
I was a little shocked when on the Dragon board the industry said only about 2-6% of readers were female. Didn't know we were such a minority. It saddens me to hear so many women have tried the game and still not like it. Weird. It's a mystery to me why the sisterhood has failed to embrace this hobby - it's all about story-telling, and fantasizing (usually without visual props), and pretending to be something you're not - how can women not excel at such things? ;)
I was a little shocked when on the Dragon board the industry said only about 2-6% of readers were female. Didn't know we were such a minority. It saddens me to hear so many women have tried the game and still not like it. Weird. It's a mystery to me why the sisterhood has failed to embrace this hobby - it's all about story-telling, and fantasizing (usually without visual props), and pretending to be something you're not - how can women not excel at such things? ;)
My wife HATES the combat. She wants 100% story, and a game world populated by Care Bears and the like. If a situation comes up that even hints at a bit of discord, she scolds "Can't we all just get along! Why are all the monsters in this game so mean?!"
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My wife HATES the combat.
So does mine, but for different reasons.
Really, my wife hates DICE. She wants the game to be a cooperative story where people just dictate what happens instead of using mathematics (however basic they may be) to determine the outcome of certain situations. She ESPECIALLY hates combat because, no matter how exciting your descriptions are, there is still math involved and she hates having to wait for all the math to get resolved (over the course of numerous rounds) before the description can resume.
She's a fan of the White Wolf systems simply because the system is more intuitive to her and combats go quickly (which, to be honest, they do).
Why are all the monsters in this game so mean?!
Uh...they didn't get their DRAA (Daily Recommended Allowance of Adventurers)?
too funny, Lilith!
I have an XP table for snuggling cute creatures if that helps. Honestly those of you whose wives/girlfriends etc. hate the dice so much? Why not game without them for a few? Just do a game where things resolve themselves based on the quality of the ideas and the flow of the story and the capricious whim of the DM? Why not cut back on the fighting a little and have more exploration and character development happen? I think overall the stories might actually be better for it. Then again I've never really been a "kick the door in" kinda' roleplayer. I am a geek though.
Booyah. That makes me smile!:) She really is WAY out of my "league". Everyone who cares about me says they have no idea how I pulled that rabbit out of my hat. Well none of them use the word hat. :PDude, you are a geek.
But she is sleeping with a known geek which makes her a geek-lover. Naa-Naa.
I am also a geek. My wife is a former Miss Delaware contestant (mid 90's) but she is still a geek-lover.
Your just a geek tryin' to get yo' freak on. Take it as a compliment on how great your personality and/or physical wellness is to allow you to pull tail that would otherwise use words like geek to describe you.FH
There is a thread on GeekEnd at TechRepublic.com where my husband actually talks about the best modules and such to use to encourage your girlfriend to play D&D. Here is the link:
http://blogs.techrepublic.com.com/geekend/?p=418It isn't exactly a brand new thread, but it may help you get your girlfriend interested in calling you a 'half-orc' instead of a geek (or insert your normal character where 'half-orc' is.)
She's a fan of the White Wolf systems simply because the system is more intuitive to her and combats go quickly (which, to be honest, they do).
Well, from what I have seen female player base of White Wolf does seem to exceed that 2-6% mentioned as female readers of Dragon...and in LARPs it seems that the gender ratio is pretty much 1:1. D&D still shows its war game roots which appears to skew the gender ratio.
Yeah, I just don't get it either--the strengths of both games should really cross gender lines. I think it's just the way the game is played rather than anything inherant to either game. I started as a White Wolfer, and I have to tell you the hundreds of races and cultures, dozens of interesting worlds, huge diversity of lifestyles based on culture, race, class and religion just boggled my mind--and this was back in the days of 2nd edition with all the cruddy art.
Once third edition came out I was spellbound by it. I love the depth and complexity of it, something White Wolf has always tried for but has never really gotten.
I think it's just all the dungeon-crawleyness of it that turns off female players. Give them a good solid story with character exploration and loads of drama and you'll get as many women players as me. I think it's just that guys tend to be happy enough just stomping from room to room killing squiggly monsters and taking their stuff whereas girls require a fair bit more content to their gaming.
I think it's just all the dungeon-crawleyness of it that turns off female players. Give them a good solid story with character exploration and loads of drama and you'll get as many women players as me. I think it's just that guys tend to be happy enough just stomping from room to room killing squiggly monsters and taking their stuff whereas girls require a fair bit more content to their gaming.
There are exceptions, of course. I've played with some pretty axe happy female gamers.