
Doodlebug Anklebiter |

[Kicks down door, brandishing a pistol in one hand and a cutlass in the other]
Alright, hands up, pirates!
It is I, Captain Anklebiter, Galtic paladin and the scourge of every jackal-faced reaver that scavenges on these seas!
I aim to kill you in one minute, dogs, or see you hang at the Dutch East India Trading Company's convenience. Which'll it be?

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As I was going over the Cork and Kerry Mountains
I saw Captain Farrell and his money he was countin'
I first produced my pistol and then produced my rapier
I said "Stand and deliver or the devil he may take ya"
Mush-a ring dum-a do dum-a da
Wack fall the daddy-o, wack fall the daddy-o
There's whiskey in the jar
I counted out his money and it made a pretty penny
I put it in my pocket and I took it home to Jenny
She sighed and she swore that she never would deceive me
But the devil take the women for they never can be easy
Mush-a ring dum-a do dum-a da
Wack fall the daddy-o, wack fall the daddy-o
There's whiskey in the jar
I went up to my chamber, all for to take a slumber
I dreamt of gold and jewels and for sure 't was no wonder
But Jenny blew me charges and she filled them up with water
Then sent for Captain Farrell to be ready for the slaughter
Mush-a ring dum-a do dum-a da
Wack fall the daddy-o, wack fall the daddy-o
There's whiskey in the jar
't was early in the morning, just before I rose to travel
Up comes a band of footmen and likewise captain Farrell
I first produced me pistol for she stole away me rapier
I couldn't shoot the water, so a prisoner I was taken
Mush-a ring dum-a do dum-a da
Wack fall the daddy-o, wack fall the daddy-o
There's whiskey in the jar
Now some men like a fishin', but some men like the fowlin'
Some men like to hear, to hear the cannonball a-roarin'
But me, I like sleepin', `specially in my Jenny’s chamber
But here I am in prison, here I am with a ball and chain, yeah
Mush-a ring dum-a do dum-a da
Wack fall the daddy-o, wack fall the daddy-o
There's whiskey in the jar
If anyone can aid me 't is my brother in the army
If I can find his station in Cork or in Killarney
And if he'll go with me, we'll go rovin' through Killkenny
And I'm sure he'll treat me better than my own a-sporting Jenny
Mush-a ring dum-a do dum-a da
Wack fall the daddy-o, wack fall the daddy-o
There's whiskey in the jar

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[Kicks down door, brandishing a pistol in one hand and a cutlass in the other]
Alright, hands up, pirates!
It is I, Captain Anklebiter, Galtic paladin and the scourge of every jackal-faced reaver that scavenges on these seas!
I aim to kill you in one minute, dogs, or see you hang at the Dutch East India Trading Company's convenience. Which'll it be?
Avast it be nether you son of a scurvy dog. [Comes out behind the Anklebiter and smashes him over the head with an empty bottle of rum. Then there is much rejoicing as the scourge Captain Anklebiter is strung up and keel hauled on the verious pirate ships.}

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You can keep your Bluebeards and your Blackbeards. The most successful pirate of all time controlled a fleet of more than 1,500 ships and upwards of 80,000 sailors -- and she did it all without the help of facial hair.
When a Chinese pirate captain named Cheng married a beautiful prostitute in 1801, he wasn't just getting the girl of his dreams; he was making the best financial investment of his career. His new bride, known to history as Cheng I Sao, or "Wife of Cheng," agreed to the marriage on one condition -- that she would share equally in his power and would be given the opportunity to help him secure more wealth.
Sounded like a deal to Cheng, and for the next six years, the husband and wife teamed up to grow their piracy business along the coast of the South China Sea, as far south as Malaysia. But then, in 1807, Cheng passed away. Instead of stepping aside like a "proper" widow, Cheng I Sao promptly took the reins.
Thinking outside the treasure box
Although clearly ahead of her time, Cheng I Sao was shrewd enough to realize that the pirate masses weren't likely as enlightened. So, her first act as leader was to make her husband's second-in-command, Chang Pao, official captain of the fleet.
While Chang Pao led the men into battle, Cheng I Sao focused her attention on business, military strategy, and the enormous task of governing a growing body of ruffians. In the years following her husband's death, she steadily brought more and more outlaws under the banner of her Red Flag Fleet.
In fact, Cheng I Sao was eventually responsible for nearly all the piracy in the region and her fleet exceeded the size of many countries' navies. She also expanded the scope of the business, branching out from simple attack-and-pillage jobs to protection schemes, blackmail, and extortion. Cheng I Sao's reach also extended to the mainland, where she set up an extensive spy network and developed economic ties with farmers who would supply her men with food.
If Cheng I Sao's business practices were...
Now that is a woman...

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"It was t' best o' times, it was t' worst o' times, it was t' age o' wisdom, it was t' age o' foolishness, it was t' epoch o' belief, it was t' epoch o' incredulity, it was t' season o' Light, it was t' season o' Darkness, it was t' sprin' o' hope, it was t' winter o' despair, we had everythin' before us, we had nothin' before us, we were all goin' direct t' heaven,we were all goin' direct t' other way - in short, t' period was so far like t' present period, that some o' its noisiest authorities insisted on its bein' received, for good or for evil, in the Ahoy!erlative degree o' comparison only."

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Talk Like a Pirate Day falls on a weekend this year (Sunday, September 19). What day should it be observed in the workplace?
Yar!
Pirate Jenny
If your workplace is a phone help desk, soak your head in a bucket until the notion passes. That is of course assuming that you want to keep your job.

Booty-lovin' Pirate |